Were pentacles a crypto-currency? Was she solvent? Present?
With a jolt of disdain, Vanadium Lightyear realized that she was entering a full-blown, epic existential crisis. She did not know if she could retain equilibrium until Jupiter in Scorpio, the sign of her Sun. She wanted desperately to move cities but could not bear to leave her neighborhood. Not even for a day. Besides, a move from Cosmopolis to Chronopolis demanded money, and there were no gigs in Space Archeology.
She could not afford the laser V rejuvenation that Neptunian Life Coaching had suggested would restore her Tantric Yonic energies. Her dream landscape had become terrifyingly dull: missed buses, being unable to leave school and dirty swimming pools.
She’d taken on a freelance gig remote searching back galaxies for space junk. After one relatively lucrative down-payment, her sketchy ex-mercenary boss resorted to increasingly bizarre promises about when/how he would pay her invoices.
First, he’d offered to pay in an unfamiliar crypto-currency. Then he asked if Vanadium would accept pentacles from another dimension where “Tarot characters were the government.” Finally, he suggested shares (options, futures, derivatives – something flimsy) in his vintage U.F.O. business. Vanadium did not trust him and resented the long unpaid hours scouring space imaging for anything that looked ‘non-organic.’
Her Narcissistic, Space Dust Addicted Vampire Ex Boyfriend Ronaldo Is Teaching Deflecting Karma Drama
Shuddering, she decided to phone Ronaldo, her narcissistic vampire ex-boyfriend, to ask him for the $2000 he owed her. His socials had been lately depicting some spiritual conversion, hinting at monk hood and throwing around references to a ‘deflecting karma drama’ course he had created.
Perhaps, she thought, he had detoxed from Space Dust and was more reasonable these days? He wasn’t. Having used “avaricious” and the C word in an unpleasant context, he said that, unlike Vanadium, he was not materialistic and had just spent $10,000 on a Silence Retreat.
He needed to get away from gold-diggers. Even though the conversation was like bathing in the metaphysical version of a sewer, it left Vanadium with fresh resolve. She had done the right thing leaving him, and she was going to fuq up his Silence Retreat. Her Existential Crisis had become an Opportunity.
Was Jupiter nearing the constellation of Scorpio already in effect and aggravating her lower Scorpio aspects? She did not care and sat down to scheme up a new sex and money paradigm. First the financials. Are pentacles a crypto-currency? On reflection, she decided that they likely would be by the time Uranus had finished in Taurus.
Image: Jonathan Lucero
Access Horoscopes, Insta-Tarot, Oracle & more
Join the thousands of happy Mega Mystic members, who are enjoying Mystic’s unique, modern and empowering take on the ancient art of horoscopes & all things Astrology. With an all-access membership