With a jolt of disdain, Vanadium Lightyear realized that she was entering a full-blown, epic existential crisis. She did not know if she could retain equilibrium until Jupiter got to Scorpio, the sign of her Sun. She wanted desperately to move cities but could not bear to leave her neighborhood. Not even for a day. Besides, a move from Cosmopolis to Chronopolis would take money and Space Archeology was still not happening.
She could not afford the laser V rejuvenation that Neptunian Life Coaching had suggested would psychically restore her Tantric Yonic energies. Her dream landscape had become terrifyingly dull – missed buses, trying to leave school but she couldn’t, swimming pools that needed to be cleaned but nobody knew how.
She’d taken on a freelance gig remote searching back galaxies for space junk with a sketchy ex-mercenary who – after one relatively lucrative down-payment – had been making increasingly bizarre promises about when/how he would pay her invoices.
First he’d offered to pay in a crypto-currency she’d never heard of, then he asked if she would accept pentacles from another dimension where “Tarot characters were the government” and then finally shares (options, futures, derivatives – something flimsy) in his vintage U.F.O. business. Vanadium did not trust him and resented the long unpaid hours scouring space imaging for anything that looked ‘non-organic’.
Shuddering, she decided to phone Ronaldo, her narcissistic vampire ex-boyfriend, to ask him for the $2000 he owed her. His socials had been lately depicting some sort of a spiritual conversion, hinting at monk hood and throwing around references to a ‘deflecting karma drama’ course he had taught.
Perhaps, she thought happily, he had detoxed from Space Dust and was more reasonable these days. He wasn’t. Having used “avaricious” and the C word in an unpleasant context, he said that, unlike Vanadium, he was not materialistic and had in fact just spent $10,000 on a Silence Retreat. He needed to get away from gold-diggers. Even though the conversation was like having a metaphysical version of a sewage pipe sprayed over her, it left Vanadium with fresh resolve. She had done utterly the right thing leaving him and she was going to fuq up his Silence Retreat. Her Existential Crisis had become an Opportunity.
Was Jupiter nearing the constellation of Scorpio actually already in effect and aggravating her lower Scorpio aspects? She did not care and sat down to scheme.
Image: Jonathan Lucero
Access Horoscopes, Insta-Tarot, Oracle and MoreAll Access Membership – This is not a recurring payment – you are not locked in.
Email Mystic if you would like to trial for a few weeks first.