Air Zodiac

Filed in Sun Signs

One of our lovely Mega Mystic people is a Flight Attendant and she has sent me this epic missive about flying with the Sun Signs. i think this is enough material to warrant a research project, right?

I’ve been a Flight Attendant for 12 years and an astro fiend for longer. I’ve flown long and short haul, economy and first class and I know that cramming people into a pressurised metal tube makes them crazy. Maybe it’s the queues, delays, getting your undies rifled in the security line? Maybe it’s just that paying for a ticket brings out the inner tyrant in passengers (pax)? Non #avgeeks want to know, so here’s a cheeky frolic through the zodiac of airline passengers and crew.

Aries sports players are hot and flirty! They spread eagle in seats (presenting?) as they’re too tall to sit comfortably without their knees up around their chins. One took my number once and then sent me a dick pic within half an hour of disembarking. Not sure what his wife would’ve thought of that…

I’ve had Leo and Taurus actresses/ slashies/ football WAG/ blogger/ media personalities. They have fabulous, perfectly coiffed flowing tresses, always wear the most up to date fashionable clothing and float on, chatting with their friends as they glide to their seats.

A Cancerian Senator always comes on last, harried and dressed to the nines in designer power suits with perma-lacquered hair. She’s one of those rail thin Cancerians with no boobs and is super chatty with everyone, in that toothy, overly friendly way that politicians are. She pre-orders a bespoke gluten free salad but NEVER eats it. I guess when it’s coming out of the public purse, who cares, right? She always has a coffee instead which I swear is what powers her atomic mouth.

Which signs leave bodily fluids behind in seat pockets? Virgo’s or Aqua’s who hate to touch germs? Crew have found poo-soiled baby nappies in seat pockets after parents have changed their kid’s nappy on the tray table. #PeopleEatOnThat! Or the still warm, urine filled water bottle or USED TAMPON in the seat pocket?! How do you get those out without anyone noticing?!

Boho Sagittarian travellers with perma-tans arrive wearing boat shoes and scarves, clutching fashion magazines. They’re always flying to and from islands, polo matches, music festivals and try do yoga in the galley while you’re setting up.

I had a delightful Sagittarian comic, come on with his Gemini straight man, hung over after an awards night. They watched incredulous as I said the full Safety Demo PA from memory. I crossed my eyes at them mid PA and they cracked up laughing. My crew member wanted a photo with them for the in-flight magazine. The Sagg suggested they wear our uniform jackets for the shot. We got published with them dolled up in crew uniforms three sizes too small. Lol.

Platinum Pigs (high status pains in the arse pax who are apparently valuable to the airline) vibe Leo, Scorp, Aqua and Cap. They are frequent flyers that won’t pay for Business or First class because they are “frugal” lol, but still expect to hang their jacket and stow their bag in business class lockers and get Freebies They Haven’t Paid For. I’ve lost track of how many times they’ve come onboard, thrust their suit-jacket bag in my face and demanded I hang it in business class. You, my friend, are a dick.

I offloaded a wealthy, older, Aqua Platinum Pig who was so drunk he fell into his chair on boarding. I told him it’s illegal to be intoxicated onboard.

“Do you know who I am? This will be on the nightly news in one hour!” while waving his business card at me. Thanks Sir, I’ll take that so I can write my report.  He then proceeds to run up the aerobridge/jetway to prove he could evacuate safely, dragging me along and swaying all the way. Bahahaha. Security!

It was full in business and everyone wanted the prawn entree, including a Libran trophy-wife. Unfortunately, Mrs Stepford was the last person I served and all the prawn entrees were taken. She went from nice to Godzilla in two seconds flat. I tried the usual service recovery responses but she was feral. Then I realized I might have some left overs from the previous flight and literally scrounged around plates for bits of prawn and put them together to make a new plate. I can’t recall but one of those bits of prawn may, or may not, have fallen onto the galley floor in my haste to get it out to her before full meltdown. Enjoy your meal crazy lady ma’am.

Musicians have a Neptunian, dishevelled-ness about them. A Piscean American folk singer and her band were en route to a music festival. Her band had crazy hair, tattoos and were all wearing black. I picked them as muso’s right away. We chatted about musical influences. She was so lovely she offered me her spare entry tickets to the festival.

That time a couple quietly went into the same toilet, 20 seconds after each other… During my landing PA, I cheekily said, “I trust you’ve all enjoyed the flight but probably not as much as the two passengers who joined the mile high club today”. Everyone laughed. I did NOT expect them to yell, “That’s us!” and wave their arms about. I would’ve thought Scorpio until they outed themselves like they did.

When it comes to Cabin Crew many are Mutable (Gemini, Pisces, Virgo and Sagittarius). They are social, funny and can make pax do something they don’t want to do in record time, via charm and carefully applied leverage. It’s all about how you frame the choices: comply with the rules, OR offload and deal with the airport police. You choose! 🙂

Then you get Fixed (Scorpio, Leo, Taurus, Aquarius) crew who are on a power trip and are really aggressive. They declare themselves ‘safety professionals’ and stringently police the safety rules – as they apply to passengers – but behind the galley curtain quietly text their friends after they’ve just berated a passenger for having their phone on… #crewlife

Pilots are like Leo or Scorp Footballers of the sky. The horrendous hours, trips away and their inability to keep it in their pants means lots are onto their second wife. On a Sydney layover I left drinks at the bar early in order to have a bath and got a lovely offer of a massage from a married Captain! It’s always the ones you aren’t into lol.

There are slightly Aspy Virgo flyboys. They live and breathe checklists, have poor social skills and spend their weekends fixing up and flying hobby planes.

ALL are notoriously tight fisted when it comes to money. Surviving on beans and rice on minimum wage in their early careers – while getting their flying hours up – instills frugality…

I once saw a Captain order the most expensive bottle of red wine at a Johannesburg restaurant where thirty crew were dining en masse. He hid it under the table then added it to the split bill at the end of the meal.

So what are YOUR thoughts on flying, Air Zodiac, up-in-the-air Sun Signs?

Image: Jules De Balincourt

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anonmilleunanotteMelanie CampPi PiErica Recent comment authors
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melc
melc

Love this!

Ariel
Ariel

Nothing to share but this post is spot-on, hilarious & wonderful, thank you!

Waterylibran
Waterylibran

Spot on about the pilots. I used to work in aviation safety with lots of ex pilots. Every last one of them was onto a second or third marriage. As a libran with Virgo riding I cannot bear the bad manners of the majority of most travellers. Especially on the return flight when the dulcet bogan tones of my fellow Australians reach my ears at check in

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Omg i just love qantas stewards, all genders. When you’ve been away they just have this manner that is hard to describe but nuanced in the most “welcome home, and get with the programme, darl” dead eye, dont-you-international-me sweetness. My Sag and Sag Rising Virgo siblings and i have some favourite qantas staff anecdotes that keep us cracking up. Just a quote thrown in to some random situ brings us back to tolerance levels 🙂

Pi
Pi

Yes mille! Agree! Especially after the long leg of a long-haul with a different airline whose service was brusque …to put it nicely. Qantas poured us iced lemon water just after boarding omg nectar of the gods after a huge transit… big happy relaxed humans like a ray of sunshine (the whole trip was intense so it was so nice to have this at the end)

I worked in hospitality for years.. would never dream of being a brat to air crew. I’d rather be the polite passenger in seat 65C

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Cannot picture you ever being the brat to anyone!

kava
kava

Ultra quintuple stellium in Cap, Tau rising, Leo moon – been a solo plane traveller since childhood. Getting more anxious about plane safety with age BUT consistently only vexed by panicky travel-rookies arguing with airport staff about why their 5L bottle of water can’t go onboard or why they need to remove their shoes/belt/complex faux-tribal clanking necklace before passing through the scanner and holding up fifty people standing with their shoes in their hands and places equally as important to be!! Pride myself on appearing calm and tranquil without going as far as the ridiculous “comfort” items like full pajama/three… Read more »

Triple Air Gem
Triple Air Gem

You are my spirit animal! You know your travel, kava. Love this!

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Ahahahhaa the faux tribal clanking necklaces and the held up stinking shoes!!!

Am australian, yet people ask why ive never been to bali or thailand. And it is this!!

Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot
Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

This is GENIUS and sounds so on-point

saturnplutoflux
saturnplutoflux

Multi Sagg – HATE. FLYING. Love verrrrry long drives though. Eg. Perth to Cairns, Derby to Melbourne, etc. Unfortunately being stuck in Australia means flying is mandatory if you want to go somewhere, but have often contemplated short flight to Bali then overland/by boat through SE Asia, China, Siberia, Russian states then either Scandinavia or Bulgaria and on through Europe…all because I detest planes so much 😀

Jokerman
Jokerman

Planes are just buses with wings. Convenience is all they are. Plus l can’t stand other ppls fat and BO oozing on me.
Driving / riding is so much more interesting. Cafes, rivers, hills, fruit stalls, old houses, wrecking yards,…and, of course, characters A good way to see Oz is to go to the driest, wettest, coldest and hottest parts of all 6 states.

Pi
Pi

+1 I do love a road trip.
But one does not simply drive to Italy. (From here, anyway…)
I can withstand enormous travel dramas just to get to my destination. Surprisingly determined that way. Cap moon says “fuq it, keep going, ignore all this crap, just go within, because ETA 23h30 local time and then tadah! AWESOME NEW PLACE”
Also, anecdotes.

Jokerman
Jokerman
Chrysalis
Chrysalis

YES I am the same! Love a good road trip. Open window, music playing loud, new vistas, guitar and bag on the passenger seat.

Pi
Pi

Spf, awesome <3

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

I have SN in Sagg and I am very bad traveller…I pack all the wrong stuff, pack way too much, end up dishevelled and greasy-haired even before the fasten seatbelt sign is switched off. Can’t seem to find the right kind of clothes to look right as a tourist. I’ve always been the same even though I have been getting on planes solo to go long haul since I was 16.
Plus I am terrified of flying.
As a Cap moon I only want to know one thing: how do I get an upgrade??

saturnplutoflux
saturnplutoflux

Same! Especially the bit about looking like Ive been dragged through a hedge backwards before other passengers have even finished stowing their gear! What is that? :-DD

Triple Air Gem
Triple Air Gem

Haha you and everyone else!

Be a high status flyer, media personality or get a shitload of Insta followers overnight?

Pi
Pi

Ideas:
Ask a Virgo
Get to know flight crew and ask them
Become “friends and family” of someone who works for an airline and be eligible for huge discounts
Work for an airline?
Trawl internet for tips
Find out if it’s better to check in very early (and just get a really comfortable seat e.g. no neighbours) or very late (the business class passenger didn’t show and you get her seat)
Would this work? Anyone? 😉

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Fuggeddaboudit !!

Just expect nothing, be good, be self sufficient and always respect the crew.

Happy air sailing!

Scorpy
Scorpy

I have a south node in Sagg too (23°) but moon is in Sagg. Weird dynamic. Don’t know whether I’m coming or going most of the time. Usually going – suddenly! Uranus square Saggo moon. Lol.

I like frequent short trips. Jupiter in Toro in 4th. Get homesick

Pi
Pi

Also chrysalis – it’s the processed air and terrible lighting. Not to mention all the nylon and polyester in the seat covers and those weird disposable papery headrest and cushion covers. You poor thing. It’s definitely not Leo rising habitat (esp with cap moon!), but I’m sure that the lumens and commercial upholstery selections in first class are better quality… Yes. Maybe you could bring a nice generously proportioned silk scarf with you as a hair/shoulders wrap? Could also soothe any latent static.. My philosophy re tourist outfit choice is (I know Leo rising does carefully consider one’s audience, but… Read more »

davidl
davidl

Sporty … check , Presenting .. check , send dick pic .. check .. omg ! Hold on, 30 mins ? Way too slow, must have an awkwardly aspected Venus.

saturnplutoflux
saturnplutoflux

Bwahahahahaa

Pi
Pi

Had to call his wife to say he’d arrived, and get through customs first. Saturn square?

davidl
davidl

Let’s break it down… .01 minute to think about whether this was a good idea. 2.0 minutes to browse stored images. 2.0 minutes to realize cloud images are currently unavailable. (Shit ! She would have loved that poolside storyboard) 2.0 minutes Decide to go realtime in situ. (Row 32, seat b) .05 minutes to achieve peak state. 15 minutes to adjust lighting and TMI. .02 minutes for auto burst 8 minutes for photoshop. Using pre saved style sheets activate airdrop and send via Bluetooth. Done I think if this is close to the scenario and we know he succeeded in… Read more »

emg
emg

Hahahahaha. So good but that’s not an arians MO. he’d be up and ready to show with just a whiff of a smile from our hostie
Zip snap send !

baristagem
baristagem

My god this is so good!

Triple conjunct Gemmy in the 3rd house…. I know, i know!

Alouetta
Alouetta

I love this. I grew up in a motel and the ‘hosties’ were part of our regular clientele. I loved having them around: roasting by the pool, entertaining ‘friends’ in their room, arriving in a well coiffed smiling pack and leaving in a rush. It seemed so glamorous and free and they were always lovely to us, having some idea I guess of what it’s like to be in the service industry. Love your hostess! Plus they can make or break your long haul flight.

marsbar
marsbar

Who are all these Libran trophy wives?

All the female Libras I know are working hard for a living…..by themselves. They ain’t got no man (or partner) paying their cush way.

But yes Libras get extra bitchy when blood sugar drops….need protein bites like shrimp to keep calm.

…This story is also why I don’t like to eat out. It happens a lot…….everywhere……even when your server is ok with you…..people Tyler Durden your food when you aren’t looking.

anon
anon

Never seen one of those mystical trophy librans either (well maybe with the exception of male ones). Nice stereotyping though. This is why I have always had a love-hate relationship with astrology – sometimes it’s a bit like high school bullying.

lapis
lapis

136/8=17 TG: 4 Xmas: 5 1 wk 3 days I am a Virgo sun and rising. I follow the rules. I prefer to sit by the window and put headphones on immediately to discourage chit chatting. Once I decide that someone is safe to talk to (will not talk my ear off), I will soften a little and am willing to talk briefly. I pretend to listen to the safety speech because it seems rude to not acknowledge the flight attendants. I often decline food or drink because I am picky about what I put in my body and because… Read more »

lapis
lapis

Haha…was doing some calculations in notes before I wrote this response and I must have copy and pasted all of it! Mercury Retro strikes again for me. It has been a rough Mercury Retro for this Virgo!

Virgonator
Virgonator

If everyone on the plane was a Virgo it would be such a nice orderly flight. 😀

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Hon on paper im a pisces sag , but my pluto virgo 10th, saturn taurus 6th and mars cap2nd has me following all the rules, being polite and gracious and keeping myself to myself. I just love the attendants for all the shit they put up with, and when im leading a team on a flight i make sure all requests come through me so that we absolutely work with what we are told.

It’s a ship in the air. You always defer to the crew.

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

And if any of my team try to make a fuss they have four mars squares hinged in capricorn to get past before any crew member.

Politeness is actually a safety protocol, in my book.

Jokerman
Jokerman

It’d make sense if you started the paragraph with “Therefore l am a Virgo….”

Pi
Pi

It’s like witnessing a fragment of processing data from an AI module. You have to intercept the Virgo process to see the working, but it’s so meta that at the unit-scale is impossible to understand.

CleverUserID
CleverUserID

this makes me very glad i am not a Flight Attendant. With a Libra sun and Virgo Rising, I can however assure you i don’t like prawn, have never been a trophy wife and take the food i am given (though i likely won’t eat it because i am an organic non gmo blah blah blah food snob, but that’s my choice and i don’t make a fuss about it to others) and i have NEVER left bodily fluids behind of any sort, just, omg, ewwww!? I’ve just always been politely hammered pre-flight, and ordered my cocktails 2 at a… Read more »

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Just want to say i love your new grav. Crows are my buddies, and i can read or scry by watching them, too.

CleverUserID
CleverUserID

most awesome!! they have become a huge part of my life over the last year or so. brilliant creatures. “my” murder hangs out in the trees hiding from me, tough to scry them like that perhaps, but sounds like a fascinating practice!!!

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

If you watch them from young you will get to know their individual characters a bit. They are less in military formation than parrot types, but will call the group together. They have little friendship groups within the larger tribe. And pairs are very caring…have seen one couple cuddling often.

They are quick learners.

Aquabomb
Aquabomb

Hilarious, thank you!

Caroline B
Caroline B

Well this answers a lot of questions for me. I’ve often wondered whether pax get categorised upon boarding aircraft. I think cabin crew do an awesome job under trying circumstances. I’m constantly horrified by the antics of the general public, particularly in confined spaces. Thanks for sharing Astro Flight Attendant.

Sankt Freundin
Sankt Freundin

I’m triple Sagg and I luuuuurve flying 😉 But undortunately my Sagg rising long femurs rarely fit into the seat comfortably and I have just enough Gemini in me to prefer shorter flights lol. This is weird but very useful synchronity as I just yesterday planned with my gay Aqua bestie to apply to be an air hostess! And my Aries little sister aspires to be a pilot flying charters one day. And my Taurus dad flies small planes as a hobby. Aviating family!

Pi
Pi

i love this! thank you for sharing, it’s hilarious… i’d be a flight attendant purely to enjoy the muso’s and sadges on board – the mutable jewels in the crown of air travel, surely hahahaha 😀 <3

Queen of Disks
Queen of Disks

As a very earthy and watery Capricorn, I loathe yet am secretly giddy with the lack of control flying often entails. White knuckling the seat in front of me while breathing through every bump and shudder is pretty typical.

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

I really feel for peeps i see like this. Im not much into interfering comms but sometimes give a bit of help if it’s acceptable. Calmed a high strung aqua during turbulence one time recently. I s’pose it worked as i’m aqua ic venus circe, rather than a sweetie-pie comforting type. Find Caps pretty sweet and prone to goat-bubbles in the right frame. I can imagine the self sufficient Capricorn quietly surviving the tension..but what might calm a Cap? (I’m Mars Cap and my sharp pessimistic cynical smiley snaps appear appreciated under non life-threatening circumstances. I’d imagine someone else quietly… Read more »

Virgonator
Virgonator

As a Virgo, I fly quietly, gazing out the window in wonder or reading if too far to see the window. I will talk with those around me if they initiate it, but feel trapped if it continues too long. I keep my arms and legs to myself. Always listen to the safety talk even when those I’m traveling with make fun of me for it. Then I catch them up on what they missed. I like the magazines that come in the seat pockets. I would *never* leave something gross in the seat. In fact, I tend to come… Read more »

Triple Air Gem
Triple Air Gem

Good on you for always listening to the safety talk!

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Adore the safety presentations! Each person has their own little mannerisms and flair. I always give an appreciative grin, just can’t help but enjoy the mini shot of theatre.

12th house virgo
12th house virgo

Yeah, not sure why she thinks that is a Virgo thing. I am slightly sickened at the thought and will be fully sickened if I don’t stop thinking about it…

Does she really know the astrology sign of all her passengers? If so, impressive. Otherwise, this is just her going with her own bias and she clearly doesn’t think much of Virgos!

kriblack
kriblack

This is exactly how I fly as well. Pisces sun with Virgo Rising. Window gazing, books, headphones and feigned napping to avoid having to chat. I will do out of politeness but give bland answers that don’t invite further discussion.

I also always book a seat closest to the front of the plane. Last on, first off reduces time in forced confinement with strangers. I dream of one day being able to fly first class in those self contained pod chairs I’ve seen advertised on some international airlines.

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

why DO men send us dic pics?
i think they’re judging us by their own standards…HELLO its not a turn on for women…or for this woman anyways….

Virgonator
Virgonator

“I love this thing. Isn’t it amazing? Don’t you agree it’s amazing?”

Pi
Pi

lol!

Pi
Pi

You know, I was idly thinking “there has to be a subreddit for this” and there is, of course, and the vibe is exactly as you say. We’re all seeking approval, after all – one way or another >:D

Pi
Pi

I think it’s like a form of direct marketing.

Pi
Pi

“This is my penis. It can be yours for the cost of a reply SMS. Act Now!”

CleverUserID
CleverUserID

bwaaahahaha!

Boogeywookiie
Boogeywookiie

Pi, that is so funny – and so TRUE!

marsbar
marsbar

More like “rented”…. When you actually try to make off with said penis (via physical removal) the owner tends to get a little freaked out I noticed. 😛

Triple Air Gem
Triple Air Gem

Haha. Lol

Pi
Pi

Hahaha!

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Hahahaa!

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

lol x

Pi
Pi

you know, (I get this post is actually more about flight attending) no one’s ever sent me a dick pic. It probably helps that my vibe irl around men is actually slightly (inadvertently) icy. Also it helps that I never give out my number on the 2 nights a year I go out and talk to strangers. But I have mars in aquarius sextile Venus in Aries with sun mercury at the midpoint. Advance knowledge of such important features of a potential tryst would certainly assist in my decision making. Then again I have uranus in scorpio on my 5th… Read more »

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

honey, you don’t want one, believe me. I was chatting about online dating with two younger friends and one said she just sends back a photo of an engorged dick to any guy who sends her one — mine’s bigger!

often the guy will then complain to the dating site admin that he’s been sent an obscene image — the staff know her now and just suspend the dickhead’s account for a while

Pi
Pi

Hahahahahaha I LOVE that he then complains about return img that is truly hilarious roflmao

davidl
davidl

Yeah and what’s the use of sending a pic if you can’t calculate TMI .

https://youtu.be/pa9YUDNHobE

Pi
Pi

It’s all about making mathematics relate to the real world, after all.

Jokerman
Jokerman

What happened to the elephant of surprise?

Pi
Pi

It’s the elephant in the room.

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Sometimes that is the correct response, but usu more of a sigh over missing aesthetics

Aphra
Aphra

It’s a good way to see how men decorate their homes… ha!

Pi
Pi

“Nice, but your choice of sofa is hideous. Don’t contact me again”

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

Yes. This would be me lol.

With my Cap moon stellium I must surely vibe, do not send me a pic of that thing.

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

“Not against those fabrics”

Ariel
Ariel

Never been sent a dick pic, sincerely hope I never am, it’s NOT a turn-on for me either

inka
inka

I’m Scorp with a Virgo Rising which plays a lot into my flying experience. Love the airport for people watching, but am a very anxious flyer (lack of control always spooks me) and must always arrive at the airport at least 2 hours before boarding. I’m the one with white knuckles on the arm rests during turbulence.

Leo-Scorp Grrrl
Leo-Scorp Grrrl

Thank you for sharing!

Boogeywookiie
Boogeywookiie

What delightful insights you have FlyMeRight. I sincerely hope you can spin these observations into a longer memoir.

Would you be able to ‘ghost-write’ a crew training manual for Pam Ann Airways?

Triple Air Gem
Triple Air Gem

What would you want to read in such a memoir?

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

More goss and giggles!

Triple Air Gem
Triple Air Gem

I’m Gemini and I’ve heard it said that we prefer shorter flights, rather than long haul (which Saggs like, apparently). I totally agree with this. If I’m on a flight for longer than 6 or so hours I get super restless.

I have to be in the aisle seat coz I’m like a jack in the box if I’m stuck in the window seat with someone next to me… or shock horror stuck in the middle seat

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Yes to aisle!

tetegem
tetegem

Genius

Syrena
Syrena

My new job has me flying all over the place, which naturally, I adore (Sagittarius sun). I’m willing to put up with a lot more shenanigans than most of the passengers onboard…right up until things get delayed enough to put my connecting flights/sleep in jeopardy. I do N O T do well being stuck in the same place for very long, and my Virgo moon has a meltdown if my self-created itinerary is fuqed with.

AstroGeek
AstroGeek

Haha. Saggo here, and I do love flying too. I also don’t really mind most of the shenanigans. I stuff in some earplugs, have a glass of wine (and/or a small piece of edible THC candy) to take the edge off, then sink into a good book (or three).

I am guilty as charged on the yoga in the aisle, though. LOL. I can deal with a cramped seat if I’m able to do some full-body stretches every few hours.

Mystic Medusa
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