Ask Mystic: How Do I Vanquish A Neptunian Love Zombie?

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Dear Mystic,

I was once friends with a Neptunian. I fell in love with him, fittingly, on a night out on the space dust and blue devil hoochie juice. He had a girlfriend at the time, and so, I loved him from afar for years.

When I married Blackbeard on another space dust influenced whim, he stopped speaking to me. After that fell apart we saw each other again and he confessed his feelings for me. To paraphrase Carrie in SATC, it was like the Bridges of Alexandra Avenue, a brief affair I’ll write about in sappy letters to my children.

It ended when my relationship with my then and still now boyfriend became serious. We stayed friends, but he was still in love with me. Eventually, the situation became untenable and I told him we couldn’t keep in contact.

Despite my asking him not to, he has contacted me a couple of times over the last two and a half years. A couple of text messages here and there. One was memorably during a Mercury Retrograde where you posted something like ‘the past can leave a message and that will suffice.’ I laughed and deleted the message.

Now he has contacted me again. He is a good person, and part of me misses him, but I just don’t want to open the door. Hence my question: how do I vanquish a Neptunian love zombie?

Amelie

Dear Amelie,

Well, I get that you don’t want to fling that door wide open, but i think you might want to leave it ajar, just in case you might want to get out for some fresh air at some point? Or because, well, who doesn’t enjoy the ego validation? Otherwise you would have just blocked his sorry ass by now, right?  Neptune or not, he would not be able to slither through a digital veil surely?

But the antidote to Neptune is always Saturn and a good humored version of the Time God at that. Reset to now. And then, even if it takes a brisk cold shower with rosemary or sage and a scrub down with salt, stay in the now.

Have a chuckle over the version of you that this no doubt Space Dust/Dream Weed/Blue Devil Hoochie Juice befuffled (typo and it is staying – befuffled is a thing now) character is fixating on. It will be some kind of Anima Projection (we are all Jungians now) that you carry beautifully for him but it may not BE you.

If you fully cut your psychic attachment to him, he may just drift off. If not, go to full ghost busting protocol: clean-declutter the entire place in which you live, smudge it like crazy, bang some Tibetan bells around and burn cleansing essential oils. Leave a line of salt across your threshold.  In your mind, wish him well but banish him from your brain. Take an Alchemy Bath and go to bed. By the time you wake up he (and and any random entities hanging out in your house) will have fuqed off to haunt/moon after someone else!

What does everyone else think?

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Pi PiDawn HampshireLauraMutableMabelprowlncrab Recent comment authors
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prowlncrab
prowlncrab

Hahaha yeah … the antidote to Neptune is structure, boundaries and basically being stoically boring. I noticed you stated both your intimate connects were geared around … well gear (blue hoochie juice, space dust). You’re either done with that kind of connection or you’re not. You’ll always be attracted to the wafty wafty notes of Neptune wailing the call of naughty behaviour until you manage to make peace with your inner conflicted self.

prowlncrab
prowlncrab

I’m not saying that as a lecture. I honestly have a struggle between the let it rip, have fun who gives a shit side of myself … and then all this Cancerian stuff which demands rigorous control freakism. Meh. What’s the worst that can happen? 😉

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

“You’ll always be attracted to the wafty wafty notes of Neptune wailing the call of naughty behaviour until you manage to make peace with your inner conflicted self.” Ahhhhhhhh, yes, this. I think, as someone with a strong Neptunian vibe, that that attraction never really goes away. Naughty behavior is always a siren calling me to the rocks. Lucky for me, I have Saturn (retro, in the 5th, in Taurus) opposite to try to help balance that out. But you’re so right: it’s a commitment to leveling up of the Self.

Silver Huang
Silver Huang

Maybe I just don’t have much Neptune in me (natal Neptune in Sag 5th, conjunct Cap 6th Mercury and Lib 3rd Pluto, with empty Pis 8th House)? But the minute I no longer feel a resonance in-the-now, or a person is still in-the-past where I am no longer at and have moved on from, and they just… contact me randomly, I would observe a few times to (try to) discern what their intent is and if I can’t see a mutually constructive in-the-now intent that can proactively better us both as evolving beings, I just tell them, “I’m sorry, I’ve… Read more »

toroloco
toroloco

I needed to read this and I agree whole-heartedly. Thank you Silver.

Pi
Pi

Really well said. Thank you. I’m considering this in the light of my own comment above (I.e. aim for haute Neptune). I’m also really relating to the ‘only so much psycho-social energy to go around’ especially when dealing with invisible, interior conditions. Very much. Cap moon also gets the clean-and-clear analysis of the capacity of the connection to actually function with any kind of value (to both ppl) at the current point. I think it’s actually an act of compassion to free someone from ties or a perceived connection, or at least make it explicitly clear, in a pleasant and… Read more »

Pi
Pi

(This way even a neptunian connection can be managed by the other person in a different more constructive way, well, ideally haha)
Sometimes even the act of “having to explain” to someone that you’re not interested is too emotionally draining (not enough inner resources). So we have the ghosting or similar. And then it is upon the other person to call upon their own capacities to just handle that.
Eh
Life is complex 🙂

Pi
Pi

“The constructive in-the-now” is really meaningful and helpful – thanks for articulating this in this way.

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Yes, one step forward, two steps back. You’re either committed to leveling up, or you’re not. Love this. <3

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

i actually think the opposite;i know what you mean abt only having so much energy for social connections, but this connection actually GIVES me energy, a buzz…having said that ive ‘unfriended’ him on fbook.
i dont need the disteaction, i dont want to be his friend, and i also want to give mt re/ship a proper chance.

MissDee
MissDee

I would reverse the question. You make it about him but you don’t have to keep him out, it’s more like you would easily do it if you focus on yourself, on what you want and on the daily basis of your life. Which I believe is what @Mystic meant by using Saturn (the king of here and now). If you focus on “todays” and “roots” and “solid” this guy simply does not exist. I am Venus in Kataka so I KNOW you don’t live only of Saturn stuff and need romanticism and yes we kataka Venuses really need that… Read more »

Pi
Pi

I feel like the neptunian thing needs to be reframed and not so strongly denigrated. Amelie’s poem kind of captures it. If we’re going to be enlightened beings of love and connection, or whatever, then to talk down something that exists in our life and has brought new kinds of awareness, New depths of feeling, new planes of … communion. It’s not a flaw, maybe it is something that we actually need to learn how to work with better, like wing chun martial arts or something , rather than constantly battle and fight and feel like shit about. I think… Read more »

Jokerman
Jokerman

Ankh is 8.6kms below ground and will come out when she’s ready.

Jokerman
Jokerman

I’m slowly catching onto that. I’m doing both yin and yang physical activity which is helping. Also I’ve disciplined myself to start my writing (hush hush- industry secret) especially as Merc is now crossing & subsequently Rxing my Virgo stellarium. AND Uranus will turn Stationary Rx on my MC (29* Aries).

My Moon Neptunianism is beginning too heel/heal now that I’ve applied a leash.

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

A harness. You have to ride that wild ocean horse because it won’t be leashed. It will only pretend to submit until you’ve become lax. Even though it’s your own horse, or you are the horse’s person.

(Not borne of past experience, but of constant experiencing…in case this data not recalled, a Moon-Neptune-Jupiter conjunct in 12th House trine Piscean Sun 5th house.)

Most excited to one day read the industry-secret-writing!!!

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

interesting, Pi x

MutableMabel
MutableMabel

I agree. I furthermore feel that the denigration of Neptune is strongly patriarchal, and that treating Neptunian episodes as humiliating and emotionally unhygienic is pissing off at least five fanged goddesses. This is, ultimately, creative energy — maybe we should be looking at the love zombie stuff as process rather than some sort of grotesque diversion. Although I admit that the whole thing looks and feels wholly grotesque. I’ve been watching the TV show made from Chris Kraus’ book “I Love Dick” — anyone else? Very pertinent. The first four episodes dredged up every ounce of shame I’ve ever felt… Read more »

Pi
Pi

A buddhist saying, in the ocean there is room for both the waves, and the ocean.

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

I had a dream just last night about my old Neptunian love. It’s bittersweet when the dreams happen because I feel the old connection so strongly, but then I assume it must occasionally be the same for him. I accept it now but focusing on my own life goals and priorities has been the key to getting and staying out of the swamp.

Leo-Scorp Grrrl
Leo-Scorp Grrrl

I needed this advice! I need to banish psychic hooks.

Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot
Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

Ohh…I don’t know…boundaries boundaries, boundaries.

If he’s still single I’d stay away from him. If he’s in a relationship (do slippery Neptunians even DO relationships?) then it may be ok to keep in contact.

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

No. No it won’t be okay at all, and you’ll quietly feel it under all the intense drama feels.

Kim S
Kim S

Only withe aid of beflujuice

Jokerman
Jokerman

Can a befufflee rise twice?

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

If you resist the temptation to peek in the oven door.

And it will happen without you being able to look at it happening.

kriblack
kriblack

Also Mystic, I am taking befuffled and using it. In return, if you like, you can have ‘spancy’ a combination of special and fancy that came out of my mouth wrong a few months ago when I asked a friend if her bf was taking her somewhere ‘spancy’ for their anniversary date. Another friend also noted that it implied expansiveness. We’ve been using it ever since.

kriblack
kriblack

As a Neptunian I can attest that the most gossamer of strands holding the connection will keep us tethered. In fact, it’s the sense of hope against all odds that keeps us fixated. You can safely cut off all contact and never think of us again and we can continue for months, years even reliving the fantasy without you until another epic love comes along real or not. The truth is, for a Neptunian, the fantasy is always better than the reality and we don’t really need the actual person for the romance to fulfill us. But keep a thread… Read more »

embarkons7
embarkons7

What are people’s thoughts on the current astro vibe for old love stuff bubbling up? Over the last week or two I’ve had a several intense dreams revisiting past relationships, including my two worst, and illuminating the current one. My scopes have been going on about relationships but it’s interesting that more of the energies seem to be playing out in and re-configuring my subconscious, and I’m interested if others have been having similar experiences of late.

(Cap rising / Aqua sun (sq Scorp Pluto) + Aqua moon-merc / Venus in late Sagg)

Amelie
Amelie

Thank you Mystic!! As always, your advice is on point and beautifully put. I was most certainly befuffled! Saturn square Neptune burst my befuffle. I created distance when you warned that secrets would out in 2014 – sure enough, he cheated on his then girlfriend, with whom he had a child. He impregnated the other girl, and ended up with his life in a state and two children to two mothers – most acrimonious. I stayed in his life in part to support him through what was a difficult time. As intoxicated as I was, I forgave him his sins… Read more »

Amelie
Amelie

An Other Love

I loved you
But it was not that love
The one where we go
To the supermarket together
And I iron your shirts
It was another love
An other love
Not of this world
Of clean sheets and groceries
Babies and families
It belongs in another place
I love you there
In the space between
The real world
And the real unreal world
I had to say goodbye
Not because I loved you
And not because I didn’t
I said goodbye
So that we could both
Live our lives in this world
Knowing what we had
Remembering it with fondness
And being thankful that
It allowed us to
Believe in love

12th House Virgo
12th House Virgo

Lovely!

kriblack
kriblack

Very Haute Neptunian. Well said.

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

oh god this is beautiful
youve made me cry
this is it, ive been there, im still there.
its perfect

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

Love in the liminal space… sigh. Yeah, I like that place too. I tend to float around there often. But you’re right, it isn’t here, and it isn’t now. And we all have to make our peace with that, don’t we? I often meet people (mostly guys, mostly insta-crushes) where I’m like I KNOW YOU and it’s because on another dimension, in the liminal space, we connect. I can sense this pretty immediately usually, and can see and feel very palpably the potential of the connection — but they usually can’t. I have to use serious discipline to just stop… Read more »

Aphra
Aphra

Beautiful poem and insight Amelia into MM’s wise post. Also been there with old loves hanging round, always looking for someone to rescue me/get me/ see my depths and realised I could either go on idealising people or start rescuing myself. One of the best pieces of advice I received was the difference between a playful, smiling ‘no’ and a baby about to put their hand in the fire ‘no’. Once I applied the later no to love zombies (blocking through iPhone, what’s app, IG, email etc) they left me. And I left them. It doesn’t mean you or they… Read more »

Suddenly Leo
Suddenly Leo

Delete his number. He’ll never know and you won’t be tempted to contact him.

Yes, there are other ways to reach him, but if this is a texting relationship, you just cut off the first one.

GG
GG

This I would love to know if it works! Last June 2016 I had an ex bf contact me thru LinkedIn after 34 yrs. I didn’t use my last name on my profile only my initial. I largely stayed very low profile over the years on the internet in case he every tried to find me again. I acually really did not think about him so I don’t know where this came from. We dated in 1983. It was WOW fireworks when we met! But, distance and other things seemed to separate us onto different paths. He reached again in… Read more »

Lindsey
Lindsey

I dunno but as for my own definition this guy doesn’t fit Love Zombie. A couple of times in the past 2 years Amelie says? Geezzz that isn’t love zombie, that’s remembering a friend. But for Mystic’s ‘who doesn’t need ego validation’ advice – thems is murky waters – which could turn mightily murky when you start playing around with egos. Just tell the guy it’s not on any more and that you will send any further communiqués to space. If you feel too guilty to do that then I suggest you are enjoying the attention, even it is is… Read more »

Lili
Lili

Recently my colleague, a fine Saggo- Neptune and happily married guy, described his encounter with vamp-ex at a reuniin-they indulged in a long shoulda coulda convo, to the great displeasure of his beautiful, savvy bad a** wife. At the end of the day, he got his ego stroked, went home with his wife, and realized that it was a path not taken- Cappy Wife wisely allowed space-time in public- knowing he won’t see needy vamp again for years. It is nice to be wanted- but just knowing someone thinks I still “got” it is enough. No low qi dudes pour… Read more »

Lili
Lili

Saturn past but near natal Saturn- 2nd Return-

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

dont think a smudge of my flat is gonna help me…i enjoy it too much (the love zombieing ).
hes got venus-sun-neptune conjunct ( he works in the ocean )
and mars conjunct pluto in the eighth hse.
super plutonian
aah just indulge me peeps…i got it baddd

Amelie
Amelie

I understand completely. X

embarkons7
embarkons7

It’s tricky: I had a brief but significant fling eight years ago and the arrow stuck deep into me. And our paths have crossed in sometimes fraught ways since then. When I first read about anima/animus, I thought, bingo, that’s what he is to me, he embodied archetypal persona of masculinity that resonates deeply. I still dream about him, but I also have a level of detachment, recognizing that it’s partly just an anima/muse situation more than it’s about the real person, who, however beautiful it was, never would’ve worked as a partner in a more sustainable way. So my… Read more »

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

my partner does know abt him. the last time he was in the country (feb) i suggested we all meet up ( he has a long term gfriend too ). but my partner was having none of it. so i went to meet him any way. i see him once every five yrs, on average, generally only when a member of his family has died! so me and my partner split up over it. we’re back together now, he’s back home in another country where he lives. but every so often he will message me. we met up in secret… Read more »

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

the timings between us have been uncanny…yrs ago, i sent him a tex, i walked home, and there he was, walking towards my door, when i knew he’d been working miles away… then in feb, i agreed to pick him up from a bus station..i got there, i wasnt sire which one, i was messaging him, there was no reply (he had no connection, which i didnt realise at the time) so i thought ‘sod it, im going home, forget this’….turned round, drove home, and then yes, there he was, walking toward the bus stop. another time we were together… Read more »

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

maybe i must need to tell him i cant have any contact with him coz i want the whle thing…the whole him.
little scraps arent enough…yes theyre an ego boost…but think its damaging the day to day re/ship i have…hes always there…in the back of my mind…am i strong enough to do that?
ha!

kriblack
kriblack

I’m totally the same way. In fact, I’m currently love zombieing intentionally as my only romantic outlet because real relationships have fuqued up my life and the fantasy allows me to feel the rush of having a crush without dealing with an actual relationship. But I keep it firmly in the realm of fantasy and never let on my feelings. My last one moved to another country a few months ago and my heart definitely got a little ripped because my feelings went deeper than I thought I had let them but nothing like the pain of my last actual… Read more »

saturnplutoflux
saturnplutoflux

I’m with u on this one!

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

i have sthing similar going on.
it is such an ego boost, and hard to give up.
think he’s blocked me!
but its always him who instigates the messages.
grrr
we have the same b day…easy to idealise him when we havent done the real life thing together. it doesnt stop me thinking what if tho.
gotta stop love zombieing….oy
what a crazy life…

isabella
isabella

gotta love ‘befuffled’

Calli G
Calli G

“Befuffled” is my new word of the day.

PlutoMoon
PlutoMoon

*Befuffled*!! Haha, love it, it definitely has to stay. Ahhh this. This whole thing. It really is an addiction, like sugar, or nicotine, or what-have-you. It’s super lovely to be desired, no? But if it isn’t making you more/better/higher (in the spiritual sense, not the drug sense), then really, what is the point? If it is holding you back in a pattern that you have outgrown, or need desperately to outgrow already, then thank him while also saying no thank you and let him go. He comes to you for the hit, too. It’s a mutual dependency. Also think: is… Read more »

Amelie
Amelie

Yes! One hundred times yes!

My current beau is the love of my life, without question. That said, you are right. He doesn’t understand the full depth Neptunian side, mostly because some of it is just for me, though as a Taurus with Aquarius rising we connect on the right things – music, art, philosophy. He also enjoys occasional escapism but his lovely Taurean energy helps us both to stay grounded.

I have just started volunteering – so that is perfect advice! Thank you!

Amelie
Amelie

Also, the poem is below. I’d love to know your thoughts! ( or feelings, as it were ).

12th House Virgo
12th House Virgo

Absolutely. Chanel love creatively like a very private religion.

Pi
Pi

THANK YOU 12hV.

Just saw this whole comment.
You too, LWhitfield – thanks.

blackfish
blackfish

I’m a triple Pisces with Neptune-Moon conjunt in the 12th. This is the best advice ever!! And is what I do tend to try to do, but then sometimes it is so lovely to just sink into that swamp!!!

Catherine Cox
Catherine Cox

You don’t say what sign you are. But I have a Scorpio ascendant and having secret admirers is an ego boost. I also have Neptune conjunct my ascendant and Venus conjunct my descendant which seems give folks the neptunian lilac wine goggles…i have had a lot of exs become stalkers! Two things, make sure you psychically cut off as even a tiny doubt is seen to them as a big fat yes. Make it public ie tell your boyfriend and most importantly block him/change your number etc….that is unless you like him at the end of a spare heart string!… Read more »

Amelie
Amelie

Thank you! I am an Aries with Cancer rising and Venus in Neptune (Moon in Aquarius). He is a Pisces with (birth time unknown as his mother has passed) suspected Pisces rising. His Venus is in Capricorn… So I think you are right. My penchant for lower Neptunian pursuits attracted him initially, and while I have moved on from that life, I am (obviously, being here), interested in higher order Neptunian pursuits… music, magic, beauty, writing. I always felt he understood that side of me – perhaps more than anyone I’ve ever know. Combine that with the fact that I… Read more »

Amelie
Amelie

Schizoid = shizz, but I think the typo works 😉

12th House Virgo
12th House Virgo

Venus in Neptune?

Amelie
Amelie

Venus in Pisces!

Mystic Medusa
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