All of my past breakups have been of the official, bright line drawn, bridges set fire to events; tears and catharsis, but no doubt. Yet something is happening to me that i think may be a passive aggressive break up. That is, i think the guy is trying to make ME break it off in frustration, rather than have a direct and honest conversation; I am a multiple conjunct Sagittarius so this is killing me.
I met him two years ago and for the last seven months, there have been a few issues. Basically i work my ass off and am quite successful and he prefers a more leisurely approach to life but it has left him broke. Not happily living a more simple existence and just surfing or doing yoga but constantly doing dramatic moves to try and make something happen and complaining about ‘rich people’ or ‘inequality.’ Everything but actually, you know, work.
He’s lovely but his approach to money is so different to mine. I thought Cancerians were supposed to be security conscious cash generating types? So now he’s pissed off to Central Butt Fuq Nowhere for 6 months to “save money” as he has had no steady income since August last year. There’s been a few hundred here and there but nothing that’s sustainable and he seeks out / attacks projects / people who are flakes with money or are vague, spends all this time on stuff that “might” have a HUGE pay off one day but who really knows. He’d actually benefit from one of your wallets!! I’m tired of paying for meals out and thinking of stuff that costs fuck all for us to do. I’m being forced into the “masculine role” as the one who’s fiscally responsible and taking care of everything so he can do coffee meetings with start ups that have no intention of paying him. This airily announced move to Central Butt Fuq Nowhere kinda woke me up from my stupor….
I mean, he made the decision without raising it with me and then expected I would be able to come down and stay with him. Umm…no. 6 hours of driving to butt fuck nowhere? That’s a six hour drive one way by the way and to get there faster you need to charter a plane.
It gets better – he’s house sitting there for a couple of old friends. They were due to fly to Alaska as they do each year for their winter escape as the lady in the partnership used to work for an airline and gets a free ticket very year. So he moves in to look after 2 dogs and some free range python and two days later the fella in the partnership rocks back up. He has no valid visa to get into Alsaka, wifey has gone on and he’ll join her when the paperwork comes through…maybe. Apparently he confided that he’s getting old, he just wants to hang here with his dogs. I think there is definitely Dream Weed involved. Meanwhile wifey is in the Wilds of Alaska by herself. And my guy is batching with this dope, having packed up his life in the city with some vague idea he will be back for biz meetings and can see me then.
Am i being too highly strung for not wanting to drive 12 hours a week to spend romantic time in Central Butt Fuq Nowhere? Sorry for the vulgarity but the more I think about this, the more furious I am. Doesn’t a two year ‘relationship’ entitle you to some form of honest rapport and arranging things together? This is not some young guy thing by the way – this is an ‘eternal dude’ approaching 50. I would be thrilled with any insights you or the MM coven can offer. Should I be embracing this as if in a rom-com? Giving up my thriving business and turning ruralista, gathering herbs? Or is he breaking up with me by pass-agg default?
Yours in Frustration, the Multiple Sagittarius
Dear Multiple Sagittarius,
Actually, i just consulted an old post from the Archives – Twelve Ways To Leave Your Lover – and the news is not good. Or it is good but it won’t feel good at first, like a raw juice fast or something. Apologies if this is not what you want to hear but my feeling is that is the ultimate in pass-agg break-ups and it’s also a way for him to save face. He can talk about a ‘rural idyll’ and embracing a calmer way of life rather than having to match your velocity. If he genuinely preferred this life for various reasons, wouldn’t he have discussed it with you a bit? It seems high-handed.
And no, i don’t think it is the economy for you to be abandoning your successful business to become the pillar of the country woman’s institute or frolic in the whatever groves. So it sucks, like any break-up but unless you want to be his pit-stop visit for when he comes to town “for business”, i think you initiate the grown-up conversation here (as it does not sound like he will) and say that you don’t have time to visit/move to Central Butt Fuq Nowhere and that you wish him the best. It’s Eclipse Season AND Jupiter square Pluto, so clearly a good time to zap dysfunction and stay crystalline clear re boundaries or expectations.
What does everyone else think?
Image: Steven Meisel
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