Astro-Gaga: Explain Rex To Win!

Filed in Astro Gaga

Plausibly (or okay, implausibly but with surrealism) explain the astrology and back story of  “Rex – Undercover Satanic Investigator” to win a 24 month Mega Mystic membership – this now includes enrollment to the Astrology School.

If you win and you’re already a member or a student, you can add this time on or gift it to a friend.

The three runners up will get packets of my personally favorite (and ethical) sandalwood incense – to keep away the demons.

Thoughts in the comments please!

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103 thoughts on “Astro-Gaga: Explain Rex To Win!

  1. I don’t know if I am too late but I want to enter cuss this sounds fun/interesting.

    The Backstory
    Rex – Undercover Satanic Investigator who’s lost his wife and children to Satantic cults, so he has made it his life’s mission to infiltrate America’s Satantic Cults, while living to tell about it. He’s on Oprah in that picture reliving the tales of his Undercover Satantic Investigator days.

    The astrolgy of Rex – Undercover Satanic Investigator

    Taurus Rising because he’s plump with soft features and because his MC would most likely be in Aquarius; aka a great career choice for an Undercover Satanic Investigator. Taurus AC will give him the patience, stubbornness, charm and strong constitution to handle all the Satantic shite.

    Capricorn Sun- hence the downcasted face and contemplative face. Serious and devoted to his work.

    Moon in Cancer- Full moon in Cancer, softens his Capricorn Sun and Taurus AC. It also shows that he’s a family man, that has loved and lost.

    Venus in Pisces- hence the beard and sunglasses. Also gives him the ability to appear trustworthy and guilable; which makes it easier to infilitrate the Satantic Cult that killed his family.

    Mercury and Mars in Aquarius- this is the investigator side of him that allows him to be detached and discerning. Also allows him to focus on the task at hand without letting his emotionalism and pragmaticism of his water and earth signs get out of hand.

    Jupiter & Neptune in Scorpio- his beliefs are out of this world and oftentimes leans on conspiracy/paranoia hence the need to figure out the truth behind Satantic Cults. He put his sanity and safety on the line to avenge the death of his wife and kids while at the same time satifsy the need to know the truth. Lives on the hard, dark side btw.

    Saturn in Sagittarius. He feels responsible in telling the world of his activities as an Undercover Satantic Investigtor, hence the need to go on national television aka Oprah to tell his story. He believes in justice and law, hence why he hasn’t taken matters into his own hands.

    Pluto and Uranus conjunct in Virgo. He is self-sufficient carving out his own unique career path while at the same time fighting, being rebellious, and trying to improve the system in Virgo ways (communication, research, analytical skills). It’s the 90s in that photo so he would’ve been around 34.

  2. GOD this was tough…SO much wit and whimsy out there in the coven at the mo – i am SO proud!

    But Okay – the winner of the 24 month sub is Kimberley and the three runner ups are Kel, Janet L and Sphinx…

    Please can you guys email me so i can award your prizes!!!!!

  3. These are so clever, well done everyone! I can’t offer anything except I reckon he’s Pisces sun, Libra rising, 8th house Gem moon (“it’s retrograde, baby”).

    • …actually I just realised that’s probably not even possible to have Lib rising and 8th house moon – that would make him Scorp rising? But I do get some kind of lo-Libran vibe from him. *Heads back to astro-school*

  4. Thank you for the forum for such an ecorcising rant ? have learned to love the connection between rant and rain that throw as an ? to liquidity

  5. He lost rhe keys then he found them. So many times, each time both sides of life were compelling but together they just seem to undo Rex as I imagine you too. And the dichotomy not completely secure or undone. Yet.

  6. Rex late in life gets a job as a script writer for pimp your futures–online afterlife the irony is not killing him yet he just keeps making it up– the beatitude of the most desperate criminals and ardemt futurists is but one of his virtues refusing to be maligned. While quietly living in the secluded anonimity of the here tight now hidden in the most obvious place–the cosmos.

  7. Rex is the front man for the future; an elaborate and drawn out end of the world scenario–concieved as an inner city flim flam to take the vulnerable affairs of innocent and unfortunate people in hand. In the hurly burly of the con Rex gets mixed up with the advertising and minor celebrity meat market. Morphing into the robin hood of the communications world slowly infiltrating the internet but still pining for an honest buck in the fucked up world. He had grown to love the redemptive story as a novitiate of serious fun and unbelievable secrets. To speak such things is in the imagination of the world, worlds worlding, which meant he had to care and be seen to care and ultimately genuinely care, until as a result satanism, became the thoughts of the disturbed, he began a service caring for the post-satanist mileau ( prepared to confront any genuine satanist or satan himself) flush with their french theory and post-industrial permaculture arcadias springing up on every street. Converting acid rain tending a post-satanist ocean with all thats left of human kindness and cosmic gratitude. Rex remembered himself the one lying in a sick bed, the one on a treadmill, the one on the run–thats how he got a job in a divine and binding raffle. Believe it or not–believing in something Rex marched on, occassionally did sing and liked to regularly dance– did yoga but always gravitated to the moon and the ocean.

  8. My name is Rex
    aka Rug Rat
    Don’t let my Pisces Sun fool you
    My cherubic face
    and cool Ray Ban’s
    I may look like a 70’s dude
    with my mo, cute chin and sidies
    Lurking, lurking
    is my satanic Saturn
    my Scorpio ascendant
    I have secrets
    many secrets
    dark nights
    under the light of the full Leo moon
    I dip my pen in my secret potion
    conjure mystical spells
    under the guise of poetry

    I grew up the second rebellious son
    Did the school thing
    studied languages for my Moon in Gemini
    watched too many films
    read Harry Potter
    Made my own spells
    found I had a talent
    discretely advertised
    word of mouth
    became folklore
    after an apocalyptic eclipse

    I’m for hire
    just ask for me
    Rex, unlisted
    you get the drift

  9. Double down–consider my first entry as a job application…I could be your very own Satanic Investigator call me Rex if you like–maybe this is more of an indecent proposal or the same.

    Tarrantino’s request for styling and characterisation cross-between Maxwell Smart and George Peppard’s Banacek.

    Rex is a vexed Cancer with martial arts expertise and Lomolomo skills–reads coffee cups, clouds, waves and beauty spots. Forecasts compatability upon the shape of the nose and an algorithmn combining grocery budget and body wieght. Suffers aka Cayce Pollard’s aversion to branding and abhors the absence of taste.

    Works everyday life as a dreamscape apparitions, omens, signs, otherworldy phenomenon, has been known to break the internet on occassion to avert the apoclypse.

    Distinctive characteristics only walks backwards–moonwalker, mime artist can do the vocal part of a chantesue at parties, usually by ventriloquy. A way finder, a deal breaker, a raconteur, relentless, unerring, appears out of nowhwere and disappears just when things get started. Known as the patron saint of unpaid rent all across the archipleago. As Rumi once said of him ‘You are subtle and without mark, you are hidden even from the hidden’. The shivers shiver.

    Parting shot: the future needs him; and yet he is having more fun than a dog with two dicks, then he wakes up and it is back to work. His signature saying You are now under investigation–don’t be sad…aren’t we all.

  10. There is def a Donnie Brasco vibe–he started out impartial, but is now beginning to really empathize with the Satanist group he has infiltrated. But he also really needs to complete the job cause he’s in pretty deep with the mob and has a gambling and space dust habit.

    Going out on a limb with this one–KATAKA rising (round face), Gem sun in the 12th, Jupiter in Leo in the 2nd, with a hard aspect to Saturn in Scorpio–Mars in Aqua in the 8th

  11. I googled Ron Jeremy, the 80s porn star, because our Rex looks like a younger version of him. So Ron is a Pisces, so that’s what Rex is.

    A sensitive boy born into a macho, red neck, hunting family, Rex, who was named Kim by his mother, after her younger brother who died in a farming accident at 18. Dad, who was never enamoured with name, gave Kim the family nick name Rex, named after a particularly aggressive, nasty but loyal dog from his own childhood, in the hope that it would somehow make his sensitive and pretty Piscean son a little harder.

    Rex was completely fucked up pretty much from the start. He was initiated into the ways of his older brother Troy, both as a young boy and then later as a teenager, when he couldn’t quite work out whether he was enjoying himself or not with his brother and his ‘squeal like a pig’ fun. Troy, of course was his Dad’s favourite – a fun, knock about larrikin with a penchant for putting his penis in places his Dad would never have dreamt of.

    So Rex, became hard! His body was wrapped in an impenetrable armour. And all the while, his face soft and open, belying the pain he had suffered in his life. He had to grow a moustache to hide his sensitivity and pain.

    Of course, he joined the police force where he teamed up with a particularly bent senior sergeant who mixed with, and pleasured himself in the criminal world and it’s trappings, and took Rex along for the ride. It all felt like Troy again. Senior Sergeant Castor Fry also loved hating sects and religious weirdos, as he called them. Rex, a child of the sixties, with his sun, moon, Mercury, Venus, Saturn and Chiron all in Pisces in the eighth house, and opposing Uranus and Pluto conjunct in Virgo in the second, was immediately drawn into the loving and hating of the Satan scene. This was the beginning of his healing journey!

    Today, Kim leads many healing and spiritual groups both inspiring and helping those that carry deep wounds from their past. His body has softened, and he is a grounded and sensitive healer and speaker. The moustache is gone, and at home, inside his wardrobe door, he still has a poster that reminds him of the beginning of his healing journey – Rex – Undercover Satanic Investigator.

      • Ah, thank you Skarab. You may (or may not) remember, from previous ‘conversations’ that we share the birthday – day and year IIRC. Different houses of course.

        • A crab does not forget such facts, Monte – you know that. I think i may have been in the incarnation of islandgirl back then too? Anyway, this is too weird as last w’end i had a dream where i was getting craniosacral done, and my (female) therapist was called Monte – which struck me as odd at the time & now here you are.

          • Yes true Skarab. I have gotten to the stage where I am ecstatic when I don’t remember something! It’s kind of a relief 🙂

            But I think you were Skarab when we last conversed, as I’m not around enough to pick up when people change their names. Islandgirl rings a bell though.

            So yes, I am Monte, the craniosacral one! And I feel like we are virtual twins 😀 It’s sweet about that dream eh.

            I am pleased about Pluto moving on from that sun opposition, and in full preparation form when it collects my moon in 2020!

  12. After the San Francisco episode, something snapped in Rex’s mind – the esoteric knowledge she/he gained from the experience gave Rex such a sense of power that she/he decided to go for world domination.

    In fact so strong are Rex’s powers of gender fluidity and knowledge of the occult, that he/she managed to penetrate the Spanish political party, Partido Popular, taiking it to control the country in the past 2 elections. (Notice the use of esoteric hand symbols/mudras).

    • For the record (& for real) the above politician, Rex/Soraya Saenz de Santamaria has Sun & Mercury in Gemini opposite Neptune-Jupiter – confirming my previous thoughts on Rex being a trixy, fluid gender blender. And with Pluto trine Saturn-Venus – there is nothing this person can’t accomplish.

  13. Rex is a child actor still traumatised from reruns of Lost in Space episodes and latent jealousies stirred up by Mickey Dolenz Monkees zombie fandom. The constant swipes about Circus Boy references to bearded ladies, swallowing swords, riding bare back horses, elephant scrubbers add infinitum. One dark moon he shaved off every hair on his body, applied an arcane esoteric lotion that suppresses regrowth and went awol in search of a higher order destiny than the miserable karma he thus far had known. Long story short; in plot that would do Joseph Campbell proud, this hero experiences his ephinany deep in the Himayalas; in a bout of lucid dreaming Rex is born. He dons his guise returning to the Hollywood Hills offering is services to the celluoid mafia where within weeks his evil genius is recognised by none other than Quentin Tarrintino and his character is one step away to becoming a pulp cult sensation. One last hurdle stands between him and his star struck dreams. Yass, as Dean Moriarty would have it–he craves Mystic Medusa’s approval and blessing before contracts are inked.

  14. Does the Satanic Investigator investigate followers of Satanism or does his private investigator partner/Satanic Investigators Temp Recruitor suspect him of being a follower himself ?

    He followed him to a Starbucks and cornered him at the milk, lids, and stir sticks kiosk, quoting a line from a “Miami Vice” episode.

    “Yer not walking the line, yer so over the line and yer not coming back.”
    Also, take your black cat with you k.

    This Satanic Investigator is a Scorpio, Sagittarius Rising, Moon in Capricorn.

    Bumped from the local cop station for frequently being late for work and refusing partners who eat donuts and talk incessantly about hockey and broads, (yes he hated the word ‘broads’ because he is/used to be one, “it’s nobody’s business” is Rex’s favourite line..

    Loving the night shift but hating the scratchy cheap uniform and supervisors that always seemed to move up quicker but were always so stupid…and The Big Sleep being his favourite book..

    Rex becomes a private eye.

  15. Does the Satanic Investigator investigate followers of Satanism or does his private investigator partner/Satanic Investigators Temp Recruitor suspect him of being a follower himself ?

    He followed him to a Starbucks and cornered him at the milk, lids, and stir sticks kiosk, quoting a line from a “Miami Vice” episode.

    “Yer not walking the line, yer so over the line and yer not coming back.”
    Also, take your black cat with you k.

    This Satanic Investigator is a Scorpio, Sagittarius Rising, Moon in Capricorn.

    Bumped from the local cop station for frequently being late for work and refusing partners who eat donuts and talk incessantly about hockey and broads, (yes he hated the word ‘broads’ because he is/used to be one, “it’s nobody’s business”

    Loving the night shift but hating the scratchy cheap uniform and supervisors that always seemed to move up quicker but were always so stupid…and The Big Sleep being his favourite book..

    Rex becomes a private i.

  16. For the S.F.P.D the legend of Rex, the undercover satanic investigator, is one that remains an enigma – for not only did he help uncover many Satanic circles in the San Francisco/Bay Area – but all of their leaders’ bodies were found charred in their bedrooms. Some say that Rex himself – an expert in the occult – was responsible for their deaths as some sort of revenge – though this has never been proven. It is rumoured that he may have had a sister – as a cleaner in the apartment block he had lived in, had spotted a young woman with a remarkable resemblance to him, leaving his apartment not long before Rex disappeared. Neither she, Rex nor any records of his past were ever found.

    For the denizens of the Castro area where he was often found sipping a Slippery Nipple at Moby Dick’s, he was a cause celebre, inspiring plays and poems like the one below spotted on an astrology shop window.

    Song of Rex

    His name is Rex
    he is suave he is cool
    nobody’s fool

    As Geminis child
    he is trixy & fluid
    a modern day druid

    Scorpio Moon
    makes him deep & dark
    a sexual shark

    with Neptune a-Rising
    he blends & confuses
    will blow all your fuses

    so beware evil priests & Satan’s maligned
    for Rex is a slayer of creatures from Hades
    he’ll natter & probe & fuq with your mind
    till you watch yourself burn in the glaze of his shades

  17. Rex is an Aqua Sun cazimi Mercury RX in the 8th house with Cancer Rising.
    He wears sunglasses indoors and at night to shield his soft and vulnerable eyes. He actually really cares about people from afar but never really lets them get too close, lest they drag him down with their troubled emotions.

    His Moon is in psychic Pisces. His feelings and intuition are too deep for words. Unfortunately his sensitive Moon is quincunx Pluto in Leo. He had a troubled relationship with his mother. She was overbearing and controlling. The typical devouring mother. He always felt that she was possessed by some demon, out to steal his vitality and livelihood. At times, he couldn’t separate his thoughts and emotions from hers and it troubled him so very much. It was hard to maintain an identity. His father was an empty shell of a man. He was physically there but had emotionally checked out a long time ago. He ended up dying when Rex was 15 due to liver cancer. Rex suspected it was from all the drinking he had done due to broken hopes and dreams and a life unlived.

    As his father was the sole breadwinner of the family, he had to find work quickly to support his volatile mother. They were never well-off to begin with. His mother was a housewife and his father was a typist for the local newspaper with a very modest income. Rex wanted very much to find a job, but was frequently turned down. He had trouble articulating himself to his employers. Speaking outloud wasn’t his forte, he never had to do it, especially not at home since his mother did most of the talking, or rather, demanding. Without any friends he had spent most of his time reading and researching. There were so many strange subjects which fascinated him and he lived mostly in his imagination.

    One day he saw an ad taped on a telephone pole while he was walking to school.

    It read:
    Immediate Job Opening.
    No experience required.
    All training and tools provided.
    Must be respectful.
    Come by today to interview.

    Rex took note of the address. It was in a wealthy part of town that he didn’t really frequent. There were no names or numbers on the ad. But he decided to skip school and check it out. He was always very curious in nature.

    It was a very old, manor-like home at the end of a hill. Rex felt really strange as he was approaching the door. Like he was being watched by a million different eyes. He noted the strange symbols painted on top of the door and proceeded to knock.

    A gregarious, old gentleman answered the door.

    ‘Come in lad, you must be cold.’

    Rex never did go back to school.
    No one really noticed anyway.

    And that was how it all started.

    • Yes 🙂 I’m diggin on this hahaha wearing sunglasses indoors… I’m cancer rising and quite often take hours to realise I’ve left my sunnies on while I’m waddling around the house 😀

  18. No one with Pluto on their ascendant would have that moustache. He is a nobody with illusions to investigating satanic abuse actually being manipulated by a magician chanelling Jupiter and Uranus. In his time warp continuum it is always 1999. Alas no woman had fallen for him. And he is no more rex than the neighbours dog who shapeshifted into him one night when he was bored, a giant shnauzer hence the moustache. Controlling an irresistible urge to pee on everything, the dog has documented the behaviour of a neighbour who keeps records of abuse in a large bible. Dog attacks. End of story

  19. Pluto’s transit through Sagittarius had really done a number on Rex. Born under a Scorpio New Moon, as a child he had always loved to play Secret Agent Man but a series of Unfortunate Events in youth – including the murder of his parents under mysterious and apparently ritualistic circumstances during his teens – left him with a borderline obsessive drive to get down to the Truth. He attended university for criminal justice but after deciding traditional law enforcement was just a little too “white knight” for him, set down the path of becoming a private eye instead. An adept gumshoe, he quickly established vast networks of underground contacts in every strip club, dive bar, and backroom betting parlor in the area. When the on again/off again love of his life, Lily, inexplicably fled to Marrakesh one day and wound up dead in a hotel room, he suffered a crisis of faith so deep and so traumatic that it fully drove him over to the Dark Side. Now instead of piecing together informants’ leads he simply dons his protective magickal ring, sprinkles an invoking salt pentagram on the floor, and mutters an incantation to summon the demon Asteroth to answer his queries – who needs to waste time with potentially unreliable sources when you have access to black magick?

  20. Still think “Rex” is a lady doing drag. She could be a Virgo woman pretending to be a Pisces Satanist wannabe dude and her objective, as stated above, is to report you with the IRS.

  21. With his scorpio rising and stellium in the 8th house Rex was always interested in the occult. But upon stumbling into a metaphysical bookstore and discovering the Satanic Bible by Anton LeVey he knew he was onto something. And with Saturn in Sagg crossing over his pluto in the 9th house he had to find the truth. The only way to do that (and the way he preferred) was to go undercover. Little did he know how much it would change him. So much so that his eyes turned black and he had to wear sunglasses for the rest of his life.

  22. Sun-Scorpio

    Rex has his sun conjunct mercury in scorpio – in the tenth house.
    He wants to be seen, he wants to reveal scorpionic secrets to the world (but not his of course). It doesn’t hurt that he also has jupiter in the eleventh house in sagittarius (almost conjunct his mercury) – he needs to educate the masses. Also gemini rising – yak yak yak.

    His mars in capricorn (sign of the devil/occult) — and in the twelfth house– explains his desire to act covertly. So even though being on television might be bad for his undercover work, it’s understandable since his action planet is in the house of personal undoing.

    Rex also has a triple conjunction in the eighth house – Venus, Saturn, and Pluto, in Leo. He knows that he’s a love machine, hence the porn stache, but his venus conjunct saturn puts a damper on that (again, porn stache). Pluto in leo in the eighth also explains his desire to be so PUBLIC about something like undercover satanist investigations.

  23. Total cop wanna be but always failed the piss test ’cause he runs in2 a lot of space dust.
    What’s your point?

    He’s a florence-nightengale-dude; he has 2 b cause he runs in2 a lot of PIAB who because they r craycray, he’s alway available 2 give em a lift 2 the ATM & BTW he needs a place 2 stay ’cause his ex effed him over–she’s possessed by u know…satanic shizz..& Rex was trying 2 help her ’cause that’s what he does…of course, astro is super cool but u know, his ex got obsessed.

    Baby, u get me like she never did so do u hve a friend?… a hot friend??? Give her a call and let’s hang out & I’ll show u some really hot satantic sites–biz resources–that ur goona love–teachable moment– but first let me buy u a drink & u party, right???

    Rex’s sun is effed up–a total cluster fuq.

  24. Oh this is easy. Rex is my brother. I know his chart. He is a Scorpio ascendant ( hence the occult). Moon in Virgo for description, secrecy and keeping that moustache just so. Jupiter is in the 10th house so he is actually quite good at what he does. Heaps of planets in the twelfth house because where is satan but in our unconscious?

      • Satan is a perverse form of Pan – the Nature God, seen by the Christians as unspeakable, lewd, wild and free etc…Remember he had the little cloven hooves & liked to liberate women from domesticity to roam free in the forests, drinking wine and bathing nude in secret pools…Then Satan ALSO got mixed up with Venus, of all deities – the Morning Star Venus is called Venus Lucifer…it means light-bearer.

  25. Rex is actually a Virgo tax fraud investigator.
    He has Gemini Rising and Mercury in Pisces with Saturn/Mars in Scorpio.
    Rex is SO undercover he cleverly uses reverse psychology. You see by calling himself undercover, he avoids scrutiny for being truly undercover; by having admitted what he actually is, it is too confusing for anyone to discover his true intent.

    The same with the term Satanic Investigator. He is actually interested in far more prosaic factoids regarding your life, like your claiming liquid paper as a work product when you shut your home office a year ago.
    But you are so fascinated by his Satanic Investigation line of questioning, you have unwittingly divulged more than he needs to report you to the Tax Office.

    Rex is the name of a dog most times, it injects a quality of being ‘man’s best friend’ into his persona. His real name is Kieran.

  26. Rex arrived on planet earth in 1964 with Pluto conjunct his Leo ascendant – from birth he was on fleek with the finely cropped moustache game and lucky for him, being born in Memphis Alabama meant he very quickly developed an appreciation for the shape of ray bans that Elvis had been found dead in. No sunglass model has ever come as close to the Elvis Ray Ban for its ability to conceal brooding frowns, penetrating stares and bleary bloodshot drug overdosed eyes. Rex knew from day dot that he simply must get himself a pair for the work he planned to do.

    Just as luck would have it (or Jupiter transiting his Piscean eighth house as it were), Rex had a pickled old millionaire uncle in the back country of Arkansas who had won at an auction the very pair of ray bans Elvis had died in. Right at the exact time Jupiter rolled over Rex’s eighth house moon, sun, Venus and Lilith stellium , that uncle dropped dead and bequeathed most of his belongings to Rex. Rex added the glasses to his enormous and sprawling wardrobe and liquidated the rest of his uncle’s assets into cold hard cash. He ordered a pallet of Veuve Clicquot, a dozen cases of Cuban cigars and bought a flock of armani suits to lift his game. He started handing gold plated calling cards with the words ‘Rex – King of Satanic Investigating’ to wealthy looking widows with haunted eyes, and spent a lot of time trying to find a legitimate community of Aleister Crowley’s Golden Dawn students to mingle with. Rex didn’t have much luck in that department but this Leo ascendant with mars in Capricorn was no quitter you hear! He took to doing tarot readings in bawdy burlesque bars and racked up a huge tab bill in the process – top shelf single malts weren’t on the house you see.

    It wasn’t until a few years later when Rex was balls deep into his Saturn returns and beyond any hope of redeeming his credit rating that the satanic Investigating really got some steam under it. Just before one of his regular jaunts to the local gnostic library for a gathering of mystics, Rex decided that since he still had those bona fide Elvis Ray Bans he darned may as well use them for a change! He popped them in the top pocket of his newest Armani suit, and on a whim decided to go get a blow wave at the barbers – Rex wasn’t to know that Pluto was square his hair in general and that it just wasn’t a good hair lifetime for him – he had bigger things to think about like satanic investigating, under the covers. But one good thing came out of that fateful blow wave folks. As the hairdresser was lifting the mirror this way and that, Rex thought to impress her further with his suave glasses. The second he put them on he realised that through the lenses he could see the spirit world! Is this why Elvis was routed a Satan worshipper by the media? Had they known something?

    Rex fairly bugled his good fortune at the gnostic gathering that evening, and business seemed to be booming. Those gold plated calling cards were almost handing themselves out! a rather well to do old lady whom Rex had handed his gold plated business card to during a previous Mercury retrograde got suspicious though when she caught rex with powder trails snaking from his nose on one of his ever increasing trips to the men’s room. She immediately contacted police to investigate his credentials on the basis of his rather sleazy looking moustache. Police found traces of PCP, cocaine and heroin in the embossed numbers on Rex’s calling card and busted into his apartment just as a lunar eclipse exploded over Rex’s MC. He was caught red handed swilling the last litre of blue devil hoochie juice he’d resorted to on account of his financial arrears. In his underwear no less. Rex was hauled in by the boys in blue, his last remaining assets (the ray bans) sold to the highest bidder and in front of a court room of cat ladies and fishmongers he was made to declare bankruptcy.

    Uranus began to transit Rex’s eighth house the very next morning, just as Mars rolled over his ascendant and natal Pluto. Rex awoke with a new idea. He would be an UNDERCOVER SATANIC INVESTIGATOR! No one would find him this time, not even himself…

  27. Rex is the pet name for this special undercover agent’s rug. Most of his hair fell out after sculling a botched invisibility potion brewed by a triad of twenty-something black-art Capricorn interns six months in at ‘Stans’ Ranch.’ Only after weeks of intensive rehab undergoing reiki, crystal healing, hot oil lingam massage and stand-up paddle yoga in a five star Maui resort has ‘Rex’ been able to give evidence against his persecutors.

    “God damn sick sons-of-a-bitches tattooed the entire mother frickin’ zodiac on to my body when I was passed-out. I woke up with the arrow of Sagittarius on my dick and Scorpio on my balls. And after all the other weird stuff they made me do, I’ll be wearing these cheap aviators for the rest of my miserable existence. I’ll never be able to look anyone in the eye again,” said the Northern Californian anti-satanic police task-force operative.

    Sources close to the anti-black-occ cop say his cool Sun in Aquarius detachment and dashing Aries rising demeanour threw the suspicious satanists off the infiltrator scent at first. Newbie ‘Rex’ being welcomed into their inner sex magik sanctum soon after his impressive erection caught the culty lady Cancerian leader’s eye one night after pointing out The Saucepan to the busty Virgo beside him.

    The group lay blood-moon-bathing nude in pentagram formation when ‘Rex’ was ushered to a crude stone temple, restrained by two hooded goons. His sphincter was reluctantly probed by a cold, blunt object by an unidentified assailant. The penetration activating a pre-planted GPS beacon resulting in his near immediate rescue and multiple arrests. Among the detained was the cult’s leader, a prominent real estate agent from San Clemente and a multi-level marketing travel company owner from Texas.

  28. The fact that I have no clue what you even said is the reason why I’d love to win a membership!!! I have so much to learn!!!! in the meantime, I am gleaning a little bit with each article, post and horoscope I read, and I love your style so thank you!!! I think it is awesome that this is how someone could win a scholarship ??? FWIW, Tex looks like a bad 80’s porn star to me- where’s his gold chain? That’s the only thing missing

  29. Obviously a stellium of planets in the Via Combusta, Arachne on the Midheaven, mars in late libra, Jupiter in Scorpio. Mercury square Uranus in Aquarius maybe. Neptune square Pluto. ((Don’t know plausible this would be in an actual chart)). Lilith rising energy wrongly translated to Satanism?

    • Gender-fluid Mercury in an exalted position with important aspects and Mars in Libra for androgyny. The eyebrows and mouth look feminine to me.

      • ((Like I said, don’t know how much of what I wrote would be possible in a person’s actual chart. I’d like to see what others post))

        • Yes but i think Rex busts them. I think it is an excuse to go sleazing around women he officially disapproves of but he is, of course, forever hoping to find sexy-woo-woo Pagan rituals and get invited in. He is an Eighties Pisces who snuck reads of his dads Alastair Crowley books

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Mystic Medusa