Venus In Taurus Romantic Problems – Solved!

Venus in Taurus

A natal Venus In Taurus woman asks why she is so drawn to shallow love interests and what she calls the Gas Station Z Guys. Is it a Venus in Taurus thing?

Dear Mystic,

Is Venus in Taurus stuck in shallow waters?

Over the past year, I’ve had four brief affairs. Actually, the last guy, a Scorp,  bookended the infatuations. After I told my best friend about our first few interactions, we agreed that he felt way too much like my first love and that I should immediately stop, drop, and roll off that runaway train. I did this successfully. 

The past few months brought us closer though, and I’m now dealing with the aftermath of our decision to sleep together despite his long term relationship. The foundation of the friendship we were slowly building is rubble. He’s aloof and skittish. He’s also a functioning alcoholic on the road to nowhere. Him, I still want. Him, I’m pulling up synastry charts for and interrogating the Tarot about (all 5s and pentacles). For him, my Mars in Aries is full speed ahead trying to strategize. Yes, I am a classic love zombie. This kind of feeling characterizes all my affairs.

Enter Capricorn with his everything in my 7th house. The quintessential Southern Gentleman. He came to the door to pick me up, and when he dropped me off at home, pulled me close and started naming the constellations. Swoon. We have the same taste in books and movies. He’s entertaining, charming, accomplished, and ambitious. So far he’s said all the right things, distinguishing himself from the majority of men of my generation, making me feel appreciated and special. And it feels so great to be the one pursued for once. I’m not scared he’s suddenly going to disappear.

It’s Not natal Venus In Taurus – It’s a Variation Of The Madonna-Whore Complex

There’s like zip going on though, sexually. My brain is turned on, but I’m just fine staying on the opposite side of the table at dinner. Usually, I can’t get close enough, and I want to make a home in their chest cavity. He’s a little heavier than I go for, and I wouldn’t say I always go for the pretty boy, but it happens often enough that it’s a trend. 

With the Scorpio though, my best friend saw him for the first time and called him “Gas Station Z.” He’s got this absurd long hair that he wears half up and fanned out like a peacock. God awful. I’m obsessed with him. At first, I didn’t even think I wanted to be Mrs. Peacock; I thought it could just be sex, but I think I was trying to fend off the hurt from the zombie bite. Cap dressed to the 9s for our date. He’s clean cut like I usually like ’em. When he asked if he could kiss me, I said: “I think we should wait.” And wait and wait. Sigh. 

Does my natal Venus in Taurus make me Shallow Hal, and if that’s the case, is there even a point in dating while hoping something develops? And if I move on, is it even possible to attract something pretty enough to satisfy me that’s still breathing and isn’t going to vanish? Or should I resign myself to undead gas stations with out-of-order pumps? I’m almost on empty.

Sincerely, Ms. Venusian Taurus

He’s God-Awful – I’m Obsessed With Him.

Dear Ms. Venusian Taurus,

Never mind Venus in Taurus, it’s hard-wired programming where you’re drawn to the ‘bad’ dude sexually and are unable to warm up to the guy who treats you right. Paging Dr. Freud.  Most of us know the drill here. It’s like the Madonna-Whore complex but applied to males. If a caregiver in early life treats someone with respect than voila, crushes/affection tends to trend toward similar characters and dynamics in adult life. If Daddy was a gambler/addict/chaos merchant that’s your type.

So you know damn well I am going to be barracking for Capricorn here. you had me at “he knows the constellations.” Also, regardless of your Venus sign, you have to have standards and protective barriers.

Nothing about the Scorpio is suggesting that you devote even a nano-unit of your brain to figuring out what he is about. There are so many red flags here! How have you not been pulled into the pit stop by a team of crack mechanics? And I bet you get the Devil card coming up all the time in Tarot. Five of pentacles my arse.

If Daddy Was A Chaos Merchant/Addict/Gambler, That’s Your Comfort Zone With Men

You cannot date someone in “a long term relationship” with someone else or who is “a functioning alcoholic.” He is putting the other person and the booze before you. You’re probably his second favorite hangover cure. A greasy late breakfast, some sparkling vitamin drink and orgasm with Ms. Venus.

Use Retro-Venus to break some old unhealthy patterns. Gas Station Z guys will always be around.  I think you treat the Scorpio as a shitty food or addiction that you have to give up. Take it one day at a time and trust that abstaining from contact with him will feel increasingly fantastic over time. You’ve been misusing your energies trying to predict his low level thought patterns or bullshit operating methods.

Hot Hint: He probably has a limit range of emotions and responses: Horny. Hungry. Hung-Over. Wanting To Drink. Annoyed. Bored. Tired. Angry.

Venus In Taurus Is Dignified – She Has No Truck With Gas Station Z Guys

Consider also what rebel urges/hotness of your own you’re projecting onto Scorpio – a cheat and an addict does not seem like someone you would knowingly go for-  could therapy be appropriate?  It does also sound like Mars-Venus chemistry, the most notorious synastry of all.

Venus in Taurus is dignified. She rules Taurus – Venus here is tactile, sensual and grounded.  Leave the gas stations for grassy high mountain fields, with flowers, fresh air, and attention from a person who is clearly into you enough to invest some into you.

What does everyone else think? I have Saturn square MY Venus at the moment – am I being too Saturnine about this? Is their room for hot lunatic addict-cheat men in a healthy person’s love life? Or is it a version of the Madonna-Whore complex and super unhelpful? Is there a phrase to describe the M.W.C. when it is applying to a man?

Let’s do this!

Image: Nadia Lee Cohen – Why Do You Only Call Me When You’re High

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PlutoMoon

Great advice here!! Here’s some things that come to my mind as I often find that I need a certain zing with the opposite sex in order to be into them at all as well. If you aren’t feeling the zing with Cap (and I agree with everyone above – focus on the Cap or none at all for now), then YOU initiate something that zings you – talk about sex, talk about sensual things, embody sensuality, try to turn him on politely (yes, that’s possible). He is a gentleman so he won’t initiate this, but that doesn’t mean you… Read more »

Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

If you’re drawn to ‘rebel’ types, I say unleash your inner rebel….learn some crazy shit—motorcycling, surfing mental waves, scuba diving, start some crazy band or art performance group, open a saloon—ya know? (you might already do these things)….anyway, channel your own rebel and you’ll probs meet heaps of interesting people and be beating them offf with a stick.

Sam

“To get what you want, become what you want.” Rob Breszny in a Pisces horoscope that I cut out and kept over 10 years ago (MM i also remember and quote your inspired turns of phrase xx)

LilithLove

We need some good lit on this issue – any books to recco? I have this issue bigtime – my relationship with my father was worst case scenario – he just past …. so I see the pattern but that doesn’t solve it

WaterGem

Book recco – “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski. She’s brilliant – evidence based, cool, helpful. She explores this issue from the viewpoint of neuropsychology and attachment theory and has suggestions about how to address personally. Her website is great and has lots of free info on this and other related topics. Don’t know her Astro but I have Venus in Taurus (and Sun/Rising in Gem in case it doesn’t show 🙂

Taurean Love Expert

Seconding ‘Come As You Are’ – a great exploration of the complexities of desire, arousal, love & lust, minus any essentialist nonsense.

Porkchop

Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody, Codependen No More by Melody Beattie

davidl

Hmmm, I’m Venus in Taurus and it’s like you got it around the wrong way ? When I was a young man it didn’t take me long to learn that the girl wearing the most outrageous ‘I’m so hot’ pink hot pants and ‘come fuq me body language’ was the least likely to be capable or have anywhere near the stamina needed to quench my Venus in Taurus appetites. While the ‘quiet girl’ wearing a cardigan and sensible shoes was more likely hiding the secret volcano within 🙂 Looking like a sexpot is usually a sign that people aren’t. My… Read more »

current

Love is the drug.

Pheromones are driving all of us on a reptilian level.

One day you wake up and there’s no more oestrogen and you say to yourself “WTF was that all about? I must have been crazy?”

So knock yourself out Ms.Gas Station Z

Hopefully no one gets hurt!

Porkchop

Sounds like you may have some codependency issues (I do too). Do addiction issues run in your family? I would be looking into therapists instead of astrology charts. I say this with love, as someone who has this issue too. If all of these affairs are actual affairs – i.e. these guys are taken, then that is something to look at. Are you scared of having a real relationship with someone who is availabe and can be your equal? Do you like all this drama? (Hey, it can make life feel exciting for a while, until the rose-tinted glasses fall… Read more »

Gemyogi

High five, Porkchop!

Laura

As someone who had an eerily similar situation last Venus retro (complete with overly anxious, grasping LZ episodes over a Scorp guy who represented ideals and not reality and being pursued by a Cap guy who was every bit the gentleman), let me tell you, go with the Cap guy. I viewed the Scorp v Cap dilemma as a challenge to see what you think you want in a relationship v what you need. In reflection the emotions and thoughts the Scorp guy brought up in me were awful – being in LZ mode is debilitating, time-consuming and stressful. You… Read more »

Ricky73r

On a slightly non Astrological vein I believe “attached” is too rigid. Love always trumps attached and is not wrong. Im a Cancer guy and I love George Michael’s song “Freedom”. No idea if this has anything to do with being a Cancer guy but I dont believe anyone is anyone else’s possession but if we are true to our feelings we eventually thrive. The ride might be bumpy and others may be offended or hurt but knowing that the safe option is not always the right option is so important.

Ricky73r

But in the context of this blog what I ask is if you have feelings for someone does it matter whether or not they are attached? Does it matter if they have an addiction?

Sam

This is a really good point.. It’s one thing to feel a certain way, but another thing to then judge or categorise those feelings in a way that diminishes or cuts-off our full experience. In some dharma talks I was listening to recently this is called the ‘second arrow’. (“you shouldn’t feel this way, I shouldn’t be thinking that, “etc), so we re-experience from a place of judgement or doubt.. hmm
Maybe Venus in Toro needs an experience with the scorpio to get to some other understanding.
thanks, cancerian ricky

marsbar

Yes it matters if someone has an addiction that is not being treated. It is possible you can end up a side casualty of the addiction. Ex: my father was an alcoholic and my mom let it kind of slide until the day he drove drunk with my sis and I in the car and was busted by military police before leaving base. He almost lost his job. We almost lost our lives. Even smaller addictions end up being unwanted 3rd parties in your relationship, the other wo/man sucking up time and cash so to speak.ex: aqua ex dealing with… Read more »

Sam

I understand, (and agree, I can’t date committed smokers) and there was a comment I ended up not posting about the addiction being the other man/woman in the relationship, and they will always always come first. I learnt this doing some psychotherapy work when things were going to shit with the chronic gambling neptunian Toro, who many years later I now understand would have been suffering anxiety and untreated ptsd from some major life stuff. Living through the abject pain of his not loving me the way I wanted was, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, experientially the missing… Read more »

Sam

the safe option is not always the right option. I really, really like this.

Porkchop

You can have feelings for someone who is attached, and they may have them for you too. However, I think the attached person should be an adult and end their relationship before starting something with the other person. Or, stay in the relationship but keep it in your pants and no fooling around with the other person, which may mean limiting your contact. No one owns anyone but it is about common decency and being a grown up. If they have an addiction and aren’t sober – who wants to invite that chaos into their lives? Don’t think it will… Read more »

Taurean Love Expert

Loving this thread. Just wanted to add that just as the Madonna/Whore stereotype erases the complexity of most women’s capacity for eroticism, the Nice guy/ Bad boy stereotype is also a crock. Kind, polite, respectful people of all genders can be very hot & pervy & playful in bed. Yes, the chemistry needs to be there, but Mr Gas Station could be a damp squib in the bed department & Mr Cap could be an incarnation of the god Pan once he knows his attentions are welcomed.

marsbar

I also have to agree about the nice guy/bad boy stereotype being total crap as well. For one thing it reduces men to 1-D heroes and villains when we all know that isn’t true in real life. Stuff is always complicated. But if we are going to use that model…. there is a reason why most women don’t go for the so called Mr.nice. it is because he isn’t actually nice.he is passive agressive but still the same entitled asshole as Mr. Bad but with no balls to do anything but whine, look sad, and play manipulative social games that… Read more »

Gemyogi

Yes! the whole whiny nice guys finish last trope perpetuated by rather mean, superficially ‘polite’ and respectful white guys truly does suck. ‘I’ve been so lovely to her but she’s friend-zoned me’ boo hoo.

Mate, you’re not a nice guy. You’re an arsehole

sierra

Daddy-devil complex ?

sierra

I tried to emoji that too hah

lyrin

I have Venus in Taurus too… and it trines the Mars in Capricorn of the extremely gentlemanly Capricorn Sun I’ve been seeing for about a month. He also asked if he could kiss me. ! I answered yes, though. I managed a detox/deep healing between him and my last LZ target, though. Got out of a five year long abusive relationship a year and a few months ago, and met the LZ target not too long after. I have gone no contact with them both. I actually got a text from LZ guy last week and felt nothing but slight… Read more »

quasarina

Right on, and so was everyone, really (who am I to suggest gentleman Cap, or not?) – I would also add to healing modalities worthy of exploration, as someone who did not find the apt to be *transformative*, classical homeopathy – I’ve had a very similar situation going on, with a Scorp no less, and within a couple of weeks I’ve become literally allergic to this person I was addicted to for years! Yes, it can happen! Saved me so much time I would’ve spent in that miserable chasm between what can be insighted / articulated and what is actually… Read more »

quasarina

Wtf, “the apt”? “Therapy”, is what I actually typed.

Sam

Exactly this.

marsbar

I must agree with the others about this guy. You dont need astrology to figure out what a mess Scorp guy is. Just walk away. Trust me when i say you dont want to be dating a guy with an alcohol problem who isnt even bothering to fix it. As far as Cap goes, ditch him. You can’t fake chemistry. The nose knows. If a man does not smell “good” to me literally then i go no further with him. Go date someone else. You sound young so you prob have a lot of choices! 4 guys in a year?… Read more »

kriblack

Sweet and respectful Cap, a little on the heavy side and knows the constellations? Send him my way if you don’t want him.

Dasama

MM thank you for being present for Venus in Taurus she needed your conscious direction Bravo ??????

Dasama

Where did those ???? Come from ? Odd I used the twinkle symbols :/ Soz!

marsbar

This is an emoji-less land. 🙁

Starlush

As per Mystic… Cappy had me at “naming the constellations.” How dreamy….as per the shagging… role play?

Sam

are 5’s bad? how do we know if cards are reversed e.g. if we only use say the MM card-orithm? i thought it would be swords if bad, not coins? I am so bad at tarot 🙁

McFish

Him. I still want. Him. It’s like saying Doughnuts. I still want. Doughnuts (insert poison of choice). Run away fast from the addictive, draining, flaky Mr Peacock. Then whether you should or shouldn’t kiss S. Gentleman will become clear. If the Tarot cards repeat Pentacles and 5s, it’s going to cost more than your self respect. I bet Mr P. hasn’t got a penny to his name either.

embarkons7

Great analysis by Mystic and comments above. I’ll just add, in defense of Mr. Capricorn, that I think sometimes love and attraction can be a slow burn and that that’s actually often a real marker of a mature slow steady love as opposed to the head over heels unhealthy infatuation that’s based on instant physical chemistry. I’ve definitely had to learn that: I owe some of my most unhappy unhealthy romantic things to some inevitable feeling sharp physical attraction to someone who was really not at all intellectually/spiritually up to snuff or compatible in any way. It’s one of the… Read more »

Pi

yes!

seawitchmermaid

This reminds me of a meme I just saw on Baggage Reclaim’s fb- “healthy chemistry in a loving relationship leaves you feeling calm.”

MissDee

seawitchmermaid I love this. You are right. It’s a bit like “love should make you smile, not worry”, but I like the chemistry image, is a lot more powerful and you kinda feel it in you while you read it.

seawitchmermaid

Love Natalie Lue’s insight (the person behind BR)- learned about her from this site! 🙂

Ruby Tuesday

Yes! Definitely and I am aware that there is some scientific evidence to back this idea, ie, those intense instant connections are less likely to lead to enduring love than the slow burn situations. I like the idea of reversing which elements inspire each other. I am currently trying to master this. Virgo Sun, Taurus Rising with Mars on the horizon. I have two attractions, one a super intense and the other a slow burner. Both are Taureans, as have been most of my significant attractions and relationships. I am trying to be patient with the slow burn, rather than… Read more »

Taurus Vixen

Mystic already nailed this one. All I can add is either therapy or give Al-Anon a try. They need to figure out what is inside of them that makes unavailable people push their want buttons.

Laurel

Neither. Your energies need to be channeled elsewhere. When you are super busy learning a language (Saturn in Sag), brushing up on your fire eating (Mars in Aries) & dishing up 5 course sumptuous feasts (Taurus anything) for your girlfriends, Mr Sexy will turn up, available & smitten, but you’ll be too busy to love zombie him.
I promise. Money back guarantee 😛

Sam

Oh I love this SO MUCH
Just need to work out how that rolls for my own chart, so I can forget certain people and the magic can bring itself for a change hahaha

Calli G

I totally agree with this. When you’re comfortable and busy on your own, it’s a lot easier to make healthy choices about who to let into your life. It’s like choosing dessert after a nice, nutritious meal–you’re much more likely to grab a piece of fruit or perhaps some port and cheese. If you’re starving you’re more likely to get some high-sugar deal and eat three times as much of it as you should.

MissDee

To me this is kinda of true. At least it’s not true that “mr sexy will turn up”. It’s more like that you get to choose if he’s right also based on the quality of peeps you usually hang around. Ever since I experience what true love is from a girl-friend I have realized that what I mistook for love was what @Mystic defined above: just “shitty food or addiction that you HAVE to give up. You might learn languages, do something funny and prepare food for friends, but until you know what “good” is in a relationship no english… Read more »

Secret Sagg

I agree with SilkCharm’s advice: energies need to be directed elsewhere. In fact, I would go as far to suggest having some energy work done. I had an acupuncture treatment several years ago for back pain, and one of the positive and unintended side-effects is I’ve not felt the need to be drunk ever since.

MissDee

Mystic already nailed this, and I agree with the other comments here: – astro or not astro, self respect is THE way to go. You don’t throw yourself at a functioning alcoholist. Ever. I did that for a few months and ever since then I have kept far far away from those guys – If you want to keep it in the astro realm, if I had my Venus trine some guy Mars I would DEFINITELY give him a try. – Neptune and Uranus in the 7th can make it a little hard for you to have a grounded relationship… Read more »

MissDee

I am sorry it came out very harsh but I have Saturn in my 4th about to oppose my Mercury so it’s hard for me to be diplomatic.
I agree with Mystic again: if the Cap is a no go then bye bye, but focus on eliminating the Scorpio a.s.a.p.

dizzarina

I would suggest giving a kiss with the Cap a go. It’s not a lifetime commitment, and you never know… it has happened, that a kiss convinced me when I thought there was no chemistry.

Alouetta

Yes this. A pash between friends can stay that. It’s a friendly pash. A frash. Do it! Then report back.

Sam

I have never, ever, been able to do this. Like, ever. Ok once when young and high. I think it must be my moon square venus.
There must be two schools of thinking on this.

Scorpy

Totally agree with you!! I can’t do it either. I have to be completely and utterly crazy about them for me to want to kiss them. Also like you l have been able to do it in the past when I’ve had a bit to drink, so there is the beer googles effect. But I still fancied them in some way. Love a good pash. It’s all in the kiss. My first date with the Crab guy from years ago was the worst first kiss EVER and never got any better. Did you know we swap DNA when we French… Read more »

Sam

Beer Googles, ahahaha is that like late night post-pub e-stalking ;D

Scorpy

haha!!! oops typo!

marsbar

Same! I truly admire people who can just push through though.
I just can’t fake liking someone. 🙁

Chrysalis

I completely agree. I originally friend zoned the Triple Toro based on how comfortable I felt with him – felt like we’d known each other for years etc etc. We ended up hanging out again, it was obvs how he felt about me so I thought, ok I’m ruling this in or out and pashed him – a fact-finding mission. OMG – off the scale. The bedwork has been consistently outstanding. (His Toro moon is on my Jupe Toro.) It’s a completely different kind of chemistry to what I have recognised in the past.

Sam

Interesting. Might rethink my, um, life.

Sam

No wonder you have been so confused about this.

Sam

Based purely on my experience, I would not force myself to date the Capricorn if he was thinking it was going somewhere while you’re not feeling the heat. (I am a bit protective of caps but I know that’s not really necessary lol. Sigh.) Anyway he sounds like a gorgeous soul to have as a friend, if you’re able to be sincere about how you’re feeling about your own position, and I am sure as an earth Sun he will appreciate your honesty (if not have his pride momentarily dented). AND, given a bit of time outside the pink hexagonal… Read more »

marsbar

Hahah! :p that comment about the sadge with scorp moon is totes me. Except im a libra with scorp moon, but yes we like a good project, but there is a difference between “hey all this thing needs is a fresh coat of paint” and “even the rats are leaving” sort of project.

Sam

this is very true marsbar

Gemyogi

Love it — even the rats are leaving — insert sinking ship metaphor 😀

Gemyogi

haha. Love does exist?? do tell Pi 😀

Clara

That was really good advice: sensible and thoughtful. Your ideas have given me food for thought!! Thank you. It’s important to understand and define what is acceptable in our life.

SagittariusHeart

You know how this ends with Gas Station Z.. so cut off any strings of attachment and all communications with the hot mess. You can’t see things clearly until you break from this spell.

meemstar

Never mind astrology. Self respect and the word “No”. Very self empowering.

Caroline B

And he asked if he could kiss you – so respectful. Cap is adorable.

Hermeswitch

Using astrology to make non-ok partners ok. Seriously? Nothing makes this right or healthy.

Megan

Oh Mystic! You nailed it with this one… I think your Saturn square Venus is coming through as tough love, but hard truth teller is what is needed here… I hope you give the nice guy a go… 🙂

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