First up, let’s admit that guilt and shame are not necessarily productive emotions. They are the cheap and tacky knock-off of the more nuanced and intelligent “remorse” – the latter implies a degree of deliberation and distance. Remorse indicates that an unwise decision or a difficult series of events with your less-than-stellar reactions has been assessed. In the same way that your immune system “learns” from a vital attack, your psychic system has incorporated the situation and evolved accordingly. Remorse can still be melancholy but it is rational and useful.
Guilt and shame are usually what others heap on you – or a whole race/religion/gender/sexual identity if you want to get geopolitical about it – and they do it on purpose, to bewilder and disarm you. It’s like the tool in the top of the box of anyone abusive – spray some shit at the other person. And while i am not a shrink or a professional, it seems likely that if there is even a small pool of unresolved old shame within your psyche that which is being irrationally directed at you by someone being utterly unreasonable finds its way into that pool.
Logically, you may know that you are dealing with a narcissist or that a a boundary is being breached and that it’s not even necessarily personal but some small part of you thinks they’re right – that a grubby sense of being valueless is somehow appropriate. Or that you should doubt your own perceptions. And this can even become incorporated into your thought process. How many of us have an Auto-Guilt setting so that we feel bad about crap that is not even our fault? Or take responsibility for fixing things we can’t – or if we can fix them, it’s at the cost of our own personal sovereignty?
So even if there is not someone out there trying to warp things so that you take on their murk, you think of something basic, say that you went off-diet-mission or are still behind in your taxes and rather than a logical, kindly but still firm supportive inner adult voice – the first to pipe is the “well, that just proves how fuqed in the head you really are” voice.
My feeling is that Jupiter in Libra augmented by Saturn with Mercury Retro in Capricorn (the sign of Saturn) over Xmas/New Year is the time to end co-enabling crap and edit out that narky inner fuqwit voice, decisively and without guilt. And next time you go to make a To Do list, devise a Have Done list first.
What do you think?
Image: Once You Kiss A Stranger
Image: Byron Eggonschwiler
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