Subscribers: Turning Off The Auto-Guilter

Filed in Inspiration

carol-lynley

First up, let’s admit that guilt and shame are not necessarily productive emotions. They are the cheap and tacky knock-off of the more nuanced and intelligent “remorse” – the latter implies a degree of deliberation and distance. Remorse indicates that an unwise decision or a difficult series of events with your less-than-stellar reactions has been assessed. In the same way that your immune system “learns” from a vital attack, your psychic system has incorporated the situation and evolved accordingly. Remorse can still be melancholy but it is rational and useful.

Guilt and shame are usually what others heap on you – or a whole race/religion/gender/sexual identity if you want to get geopolitical about it – and they do it on purpose, to bewilder and disarm you. It’s like the tool in the top of the box of anyone abusive – spray some shit at the other person.  And while i am not a shrink or a professional, it seems likely that if there is even a small pool of unresolved old shame within your psyche that which is being irrationally directed at you by someone being utterly unreasonable finds its way into that pool.

Logically, you may know that you are dealing with a narcissist or that a a boundary is being breached and that it’s not even necessarily personal but some small part of you thinks they’re right – that a grubby sense of being valueless is somehow appropriate.  Or that you should doubt your own perceptions.  And this can even become incorporated into your thought process. How many of us have an Auto-Guilt setting so that we feel bad about crap that is not even our fault? Or take responsibility for fixing things we can’t – or if we can fix them, it’s at the cost of our own personal sovereignty?

So even if there is not someone out there trying to warp things so that you take on their murk, you think of something basic, say that you went off-diet-mission or are still behind in your taxes and rather than a logical, kindly but still firm supportive inner adult voice – the first to pipe is the “well, that just proves how fuqed in the head you really are” voice.

My feeling is that Jupiter in Libra augmented by Saturn with Mercury Retro in Capricorn (the sign of Saturn) over Xmas/New Year is the time to end co-enabling crap and edit out that narky inner fuqwit voice, decisively and without guilt.  And next time you go to make a To Do list, devise a Have Done list first.

What do you think?

 

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LadyLehMM Member
LadyLeh

Yes, yes, and many more of YES. Sometimes I feel like I need a full-on exorcism for that shit.

SheRatMM Member
SheRat

OMG, HOW the F did you know that the explosion that manifested on 5/12 had me considering going to confession and looking up self-cleansing rituals discussing precisely the difference between guilt and remove?

Sheesh, Mystic.

Jokerman
Jokerman

She has spies.

Leo Princess
Leo Princess

Very timely piece, Mystic. The topic is still very sensitive for me, even in this forum, but I can say that I have made enormous inroads against the guilt and shame that were a fundamental pillar of our family’s dynamic. It has been shocking to discover that the guilt and shame that has dogged my life was never mine, had nothing to do with me, and came to me via my narcissistic sociopathic father, who got it from his parents. Working through it has been devastating, but ultimately it has led to the freedom to reclaim myself and reinvent my… Read more »

libraladyMM Member
libralady

I’ve got to the point of not being around QI Vampires in my vicinity/community/work place is not an option

motherofunicornsMM Member
motherofunicorns

I call the have done list my “ta da” list. So you have your to dos and your ta das!

Leo Princess
Leo Princess

Ta da! Lovely!

Pegasus
Pegasus

One of the great Tantric teachings before any practise started is ‘DROP GUILT AS IT INTERFERES WITH PLEASURE’.

As a recovering catholic taught by nuns in long robes and head bits & white wing things and very big wooden rosary beads hanging from their waist to hem that you could (luckily) hear coming when they clattered down the passages (Women in Uniform much), had that saying pinned above me for years.

Don’t do remorse either just smile when thinking of paths i could have taken.
Regret sometimes is a yes, Edith Piaf was lying 🙂
Regrets are only permitted after 60…..lol.

emgMM Member
emg

Ha. Hahahaha. I don’t do guilt. I do massive amounts of pleasure. Love this !

Wish Upon a StarMM Member
Wish Upon a Star

Trust a Sagg to bring the raw, positive truth to the tricky subject of G/S.

I was bought up Catholic and old school.

I am learning that I am a woman first and foremost. A lady when I feel like it.

Michelle KMM Member
Michelle K

I’m continually baffled at how good your timing is for these sorts of updates, Mystic!
Just had the most infuriating and enlightening weekend around this issue. Realising that my boundaries are all out of whack and I need to consciously clean it up and redraw the lines.

LiliMM Member
Lili

That G/S is really old school- but not O. G. neved helpful but deep programming.

emgMM Member
emg

I think it’s the actor Alan cumming who states he has no guilt DNA or some journalist stated this of him. I will put myself in this species. I simply don’t know how to feel guilt. I even went to a convent school but the emotion simply slid off me. If I do something I’ve done it for a reason. And I also don’t hold with those who throw the word SHOULD around. How on earth do they know what I should, could or would do. Only I can be sure about that. I only ever do something when it… Read more »

Lux Interior Is My Co-PilotMM Member
Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

I say yASSSSSSSS I am feeling this.

Turning off the auto guilter is the best phrase I’ve ever needed

Lux Interior Is My Co-PilotMM Member
Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

As a Virgo I cannot get enough of the concept of turning this off.

Corrina
Corrina

Beautiful words Mystic. I agree that like our body gets sick and reacts to toxic environmental factors, our psyche also gets similarly sick and unwell when exposed to toxic emotional factors. However the psyche is so much more subtle than the body. Psychic and emotional protection is not taught at school – it’s the lucky child with an aware parent that will teach and model these life skills. I do have a mental health background and I think you are absolutely correct in saying: “it seems likely that if there is even a small pool of unresolved old shame within… Read more »

12th House Virgo
12th House Virgo

“In other words the maladjustment and abuse perpetuated by sick, maladjusted adults on defenceless children is frequently couched in a way where somehow the child becomes responsible for the adult’s sick behaviour.” YES! YES! YES!

dark starMM Member
dark star

Yes ??????

dark starMM Member
dark star

Question marks were supposed to be clapping hands lol.

Leo-Scorp GrrrlMM Member
Leo-Scorp Grrrl

Good timing. That you, Mystic. Hard to keep the G &S in check when it is proposed regularly and the successes I do have are minimized by others. Sadly, to keep my success from being pirated by others I mostly keep my mouth shut and keep it to myself. Love the “Have Done” list. I am starting it on Monday for work. Tonight for personal. Interestingly, I have been examining my Aries north node. Libra distaste for conflicts is my fall back until pushed. Is there some guilt reason over standing up for myself? I was forced to Aries up… Read more »

12th House Virgo
12th House Virgo

Wow. My daughter is in therapy and my ex and I had a one on one with the therapist and he lied his way through it. I am sick of the drama. I am sick of pretending that he is an ally or a friend. The reason we divorced was never spoken. But I finally spoke it in a note to my daughter’s therapist: We divorced because I wouldn’t let him control me. I wouldn’t let him isolate her. He never owned any truth between us. He lied he way through our marriage. He lies all the time. I know… Read more »

GemyogiMM Member
Gemyogi

Strength and light to you 12HV. Speaking it is a breakthrough.

You can’t oppress people who are not afraid (from a sign at Standing Rock)

12th House Virgo
12th House Virgo

Thank you. Love and light to you too, Gemyogi.

emgMM Member
emg

Having been through very similar stuff with my ex and my daughter, all I can say is both you and your girl are growing. You’re learning lots about life, the ex, and yourselves. It’s well worth it. Keep plugging away, keep really true to yourself.

12th House Virgo
12th House Virgo

I am SO tired of learning about the ex! Like – when can I be done learning about him? lol

emgMM Member
emg

It all goes hand in hand. Soon you’ll just have it sorted and no more energy needs go that way.

davidlMM Member
davidl

Lots of good comments here. I’ll just add that I’m a great believer in expressing these feelings verbally. To yourself and others. As long as they are expressed clearly and without that feeling sorry for yourself thing. Once verbalized they tend to lose power. Why ? Because I think that when you have admitted your guilt openly it transforms into remorse and healing begins. Verbalizing can also allow feedback that proves that there was nothing to feel guilty about in the first place. Guilt and shame are usually taken on from other sources and have little to actually do with… Read more »

flowerchild
flowerchild

Agreed! Great post, love how you stated all of it! Reminds me of some work I did with my hypnotherapist who used some of Byron Katie’s work where I voice what my inner critic is saying and then we ask ‘is this really true?’ and ‘is it helpful?’ …..it helps separate out what is just accumulated habitual noise in one’s head and negative loops. Another piece of advice I saw once, similar theme, was ‘destroy negative thoughts when they first appear, this is when they are weakest.’ Of course we have more chance of doing that as adults and some… Read more »

davidlMM Member
davidl

I’ve conditioned my self to ask that question at any time of dark feelings or even illness, dis_ease. Is this mine ? If it is then I can deal with it , if it’s not expel it via vebalising like casting a spell .. This is not mine, I have no need to feel this way, OUT !
There are of course opportunities to heal others by taking it on and dissipating it. I’ve seen extraordinary healers die from using this method so knowing your limitations is crucial.

Wish Upon a StarMM Member
Wish Upon a Star

Well said davidl.

gogengoMM Member
gogengo

Thank you Mystic, I believe this has been my lesson for the year of 2016. Growing up with an emotionally abusive stepfather, I survived by keeping my head down and my mouth shut. Learned to stay out of the spotlight, to avoid being too much. (As a Gemini rising, this was no easy feat but being highly mutable, I adapted.) Somehow along the way these coping mechanisms became so ingrained in me that the anger that I had towards him (and my mom for allowing it to happen) got turned against myself. As I review 2106, I see one of… Read more »

Jokerman
Jokerman

Ich verstehen

GemyogiMM Member
Gemyogi

Well done gg

GemyogiMM Member
Gemyogi

YES. My counsellor told me ‘Tell that inner critic to fuq off’ and it has stayed with me. I feel like it’s partly my mum’s voice when I was a child.

Now I believe I AM enough, I am good enough, I deserve love etc.

alchemy-saltMM Member
alchemy-salt

I needed to read this. Thanks as always, Mystic.

12th House Virgo
12th House Virgo

Me too

Jokerman
Jokerman

I was gonna post but l felt responsible for the shit that has gone down , and all the shit that hasn’t gone down. I felt bad for it all.

Being a Uraniac Pluton must be the reason I’m still here. Being bashed bcos of your 2yr old brother swallowing a button or for being intelligent or bcos ya can’t sing or bcos it’s 42*C or bcos you ran away from the bashing only to be found and bashed with a 25mm silver birch dowel (From the finest forests of Wiesbaden) does leave life-long guilt.

GemyogiMM Member
Gemyogi

Wow. sorry PF. when you can let that go (not even forgive) and move on you will be free. (not a criticism)

Jokerman
Jokerman

Ta GY. Every so often MM puts a topic up and l go gulp.

My former wife’s enduring thought on me was my ongoing / enduring search to forgive and be forgiven. She said you were only a kid. But that is the reason and NOT the reason. It’s ya formative years. When l see someone being abused l don’t stand by like most ppl. I put my Pluto cape on and fight for them and then when its over, by myself, l become an emotional mess all over again

Anyway I’m at multi-stages of overcoming it all.

Year of the Phoenix
Year of the Phoenix

You are brave is what you are

Jokerman
Jokerman

Thanks. But I’ll sign off now on it bcos of tears. Thank you both.

12th House Virgo
12th House Virgo

I recognize the Pluto and have the same impulse. But sometimes we don’t have to jump in the swamp to save a victim. We need to stand on the shore so they know which way to swim, that there is a way out at all. (insert heart emoji)

Jokerman
Jokerman

Those are good encouragements. I have very strong Cancer, Virgo and Scorp placements in the 1/2/4 & strong Uranity. When someone is abused and the higher powers offer indifference and no empathy l see red. I’m up for the fight. I have, on occasions, done the sideline empath. I’m convinced that l get on well with hs kids is that I’m straight-up with kids, staff, who want to bully. I’m a ‘connection’ teacher. I couldn’t give a stuff about the curriculum. Of course my kids learn but that’s because we’re ‘happly little vegemites’ If l could link a song I’d… Read more »

GemyogiMM Member
Gemyogi

My Aries rising and feeling of being a freaky nerdy shy kid since primary school make me quick to step into a fight to defend the weak/bullied. So far, it’s worked out OK and not resulted in arrest!! peeps are often so surprised that a smallish woman who seems so calm will explode with rage and threaten someone much bigger than them — they are usually shocked and don’t retaliate. I’ll fight for the underdog every time. I feel their pain.

Scorpio_RisingMM Member
Scorpio_Rising

ditto! I’ve been called a pit-bull when necessary I’m tiny but can really bark.

Ali
Ali

Oh! Tears.

Unconditional love to you, grown man, and that beautiful little boy you were and are.

Thank you for your unrelenting quest for self-awareness and healing.

You are a warrior of the heart.

Jokerman
Jokerman

Thanks. Dunno what to say.

Ali
Ali

Lol

Ali
Ali

Sorry. Too gushy. X

Jokerman
Jokerman

I didn’t think to gushy. Its nice to support here. Being a Cancer / Scorp mix l only have a 2/3 close friends. This forum suits my Uranity.

Jokerman
Jokerman

Fill in whatever word you think is missing.

Ali
Ali

xox

JulesMM Member
Jules

“Next time you go to make a To Do list, devise a Have Done list first.”

I’m going to hang that quote in a prominent position, at eye-level, over my computer screen. THANK YOU MM.

GemyogiMM Member
Gemyogi

Fantastic idea!

TripleLMM Member
TripleL

I think I mentioned that I was fired recently, even though I did a damned good job with very few mistakes & my students loved me. The woman training me was nice to my face, but knew something was up when my boss started throwing snark, became increasingly condescending, critical, changed my schedule & pay several times. I could feel what was coming. After it all went down, I realized that my trainer/mentor was back-stabbing me the entire time. It’s a long, nasty story & with 2 very jealous, egocentric women having it in for me, you can imagine some… Read more »

GemyogiMM Member
Gemyogi

Oh dear. Well handled, indeed. The best revenge is living well, and being sooo polite and professional to those who have wronged you that they start to wonder what the heck is even going on?! It makes them crazy 😉

TripleLMM Member
TripleL

Thank you, Gem!

I left out that they attempted to guilt-trip me with every single, minor mistake, but I was like Teflon to the crap slinging. One of them really tried to make my life miserable (when I did nothing to her – ever), & I almost walked out one day. My ma said, “Just keep putting the students first.” Eagle vision, not mouse vision. It’s what kept me going.

I’m filling in there next week during the FM … hoping for professionalism, but preparing for bs.

You take care. *Heart.*

sphinxMM Member
sphinx

Am positioned rather against the Piscean Matriarch in a battle over inheritance, but control and blind stubborn wilfulness being the true adversaries. It could be worse but trying to fulfil my duty to my side of the family who have been falling down like dominoes in their ability to manage life has been distressing. One thing I don’t feel is guilty. In fact I am trying to bring the remorse! And some Scorpio Moon raw self awareness to the table. Despite her being shifty, I still like her for the good things she’s done for me but I do not… Read more »

ElectroMM Member
Electro

Have Done lists are an absolute must right now. A friend and I *just* exchanged lists of ways we have grown and things we have overcome in recent times. It began when we compared the topics of our conversations from a year ago to the present. Find strength in yourself and the power you have. We’ve all been force fed other visions and versions for far too long. Guilt and shame are the shackles I’ve been working to release for years. Unfortunately I feel that of others very deeply and had determined that it was my duty to make them… Read more »

ElectroMM Member
Electro

Love the Scorp rising scope for this week. Def where I’m at. Full moon is conjunct my Venus Jupiter conjunction in Gemini 8th. Pluto is transiting my 3rd and Jupiter is transiting my 12th and on my NN right now. Feels like practical magic.

gbsMM Member
gbs

Yes, guilt is a close partner of low self-worth and of the belief that you have to apologize to the world by default for your thoughts, feelings (especially anger), excesses, deficiencies, successes. I’ve become increasingly aware in recent months how this mindset keeps me from fully occupying my own space and power in the world, and recognizing, too, that it comes from a place of self-protection. If I keep my head down and take on guilt, I’m less likely to be hurt or caught by surprise. Of course the price you pay for this is keeping yourself in this half-twilight… Read more »

gbsMM Member
gbs

Meant to say: Of course the price you pay for keeping yourself in this half-twilight limbo is that you don’t fully live your life because you’re continually giving your power away to others.

GemyogiMM Member
Gemyogi

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of (the) God(dess). Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God(dess) that is… Read more »

lemeyersMM Member
lemeyers

I like this, whose words are they?

Ali
Ali

I think it’s Marianne Williamson…?

Ali
Ali

Although I’ve also sen it credited to Nelson Mandela.

GemyogiMM Member
Gemyogi

Yes. A writer, I don’t know much about her but I love the quote.

amystarMM Member
amystar

It’s Marianne Williamson, I met her once and asked her, (like many others I imagine) she said she has absolutely no idea how the quote was originally attributed to Nelson Mandela and that she was flattered by it but she wrote it 🙂

Scorpio_RisingMM Member
Scorpio_Rising

beautiful

ElectroMM Member
Electro

I love this quote. I think it’s where I picked up the “shrinking yourself” bit originally. I should have this plastered somewhere because although I know it, it’s a long road out when it’s ingrained or even hereditary.

Jokerman
Jokerman

“Shelter me from the powder and the finger,
Cover me with the thoughts that pulled the trigger,
Just think of me as one you’ve never figure”

Unicorn SparklesMM Member
Unicorn Sparkles

Here I was having a guilt/shame memory retrospective when I decided to look at mm site.

It’s been triggered by someone unloading their issues on me…

Guilt is the story of my life since I can remember.

flowerchild
flowerchild

This was useful to read and glad a time is coming where we might have a chance to cast off feelings of guilt and shame. I remember feeling these even as a very young child, so I’m sure that my parents projected a lot of it on to me and it has just snowballed in my life from there… I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot recently and working on shame in my hypnotherapy sessions. Jupiter is transiting my 4th house now, so maybe that’s why I’m delving into family issues? ……within myself, I mean. Not directly with family… Read more »

sphinxMM Member
sphinx

Ah yes, my Jupiter is in my 4th too! Thanks for the reminder, that helps as I am also struggling with family a bit. I am hoping with Saturn’s influence that as one era is turfed and rolled over, a new one can be seeded.
Wish you much luck and love over Christmas FlowerC, it can be a painful time. I love trance work and I hope it works for you as well as it has for me! Xx

flowerchild
flowerchild

Thanks so much, sphinx! Blessings to you as well, and best wishes for the holidays!

It is definitely always a tough time of year for me, but I have strategies to get through it that I’ve developed over the years.
I try to focus on the winter solstice part of it and go inward more and get cosy in my home with candles, tea, etc. …and I got some little fairy lights this year and a tiny tree…. A lot of times I’m completely alone on Christmas, so I just make a special day for myself and focus on self care.

GemyogiMM Member
Gemyogi

This sounds like a wonderful nurturing christmas, if you can let go of the idea of the traditional family full catastrophe and embrace the solitude!! Actually feel a touch jealous Flowerchild… Happy Solstice,
Blessings, love and light X

flowerchild
flowerchild

Thanks for framing it that way, Gemyogi!

I know it can be hectic for families this time of year, lots of pressure and stress. For me, it’s just loneliness….but I’ve found ways to overcome that and enjoy the season.

Happy winter solstice and happy holidays to you, too! : )

LiliMM Member
Lili

Oops *bookshelves and plants*

Scorpio_RisingMM Member
Scorpio_Rising

nothing wrong with that. they are magical beings, the wood spirits and the plants.

LiliMM Member
Lili

Yes, my books and green friends are beloved!!

LiliMM Member
Lili

I used to say excuse me to bookshelves and if I bumped into them. Pluto in Virgo in 10th and Scorp Rising- my mere existence was an exercise in apologia. Auto correcting vehement parents did not help. Loaded 12th isn’t keen to occupy space on Earth.

Guilt and shame at being Other- not white male straight etc used to create consumer lust and longing- keep peeps down on the farm so to speak- and buying consuming identity. They create keystone products of “successful” identity.

No thanks! LOL!

fallenangelMM Member
fallenangel

I think Guilt & Shame are ye olde analog tools from times of Yore non? They have no place in the new world order when self-respect as so rightfully pointed out on the previous blog post is really about listening to yourself. And listening to yourself means SHUT THE F UP first. Just be still, trust that your healing mechanisms are being and doing and functioning as they need to be without the nagging, nattering empty need for a conclusion. What do we really own in this world anyway save for the moment? So I think truly occupying the tiny… Read more »

Ali
Ali

Oh my.

Exquisite timing, and so beautifully written.

Thank you fallenangel.
xxx

TripleLMM Member
TripleL

Resonates profoundly with this Libra Sun, 12th H Jupiter, as well. Thanks for the investment of resources to articulate so elegantly.

Happy & blessed holidays to all. Be safe & at peace.

Crystallised futureMM Member
Crystallised future

Absolutely exquisite timing. I’ve just put handfuls of rock salt across my front doorway to hopefully keep away from me tonight the most fantastic lover I’ve ever had lay yet another guilt trip on me for ‘things he’s forgiven me for’ but won’t actually explain to me what those atrocities are.

HughiedogMM Member
Hughiedog

That. Is. Perfect. Thank you so much for posting … and can I eschew the first part of your name and call you what I see you as – a holy angel delivering a much needed healing message to me in my time of need tonight, direct from Spirit. Thank you for your service. x

GemyogiMM Member
Gemyogi

Beautiful, Thank you

CentaurusMM Member
Centaurus

Hello beautiful you… Nice to see read your post and eloquent as usual. I think what you wrote applies to all inner critic, negative self talk not just guilt and shame but they all join hands together so well anyway as they walk us down their road. If we get seduced to link fingers with the inner critic it will inevitably lead us along the path to the damp dark place where G&S reside sitting there smacking their lips and building a fire to feast upon all the good things about us we will willingly hand over for them to… Read more »

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