Read Your January 2017 Monthly Horoscopes

Filed in Horoscopes

The January 2017 Monthly Horoscopes are posted and not a moment too soon.

Honestly i cannot believe that 2016 ended with Ronda Rousey getting thrashed in 48 seconds by an (admittedly awesome) Amanda Nunes – she’s Gemini, having an epic Mars Return. But it is the most hardcore and hideously public Saturn Return for Rousey.

AND the most bizarre fuqery with Azealia Banks instagramming her closet cleansing. The latter would not be weird at all – i am a massive fanatic of Kondo-ing everything but she showed her blood and feather strewn wardrobe, the result (apparently) of blood sacrifices. Even leaving aside the animal cruelty aspect, this is crap Feng Shui and (in my opinion) not a valid part of modern witchcraft.

But it’s predictably erupted in a scrap on the socials.  Banks has been having a tricky Neptune transit for years now (Neptune square her Sagittarius Sun) and that instagram post was Retro Mercury over her natal Neptune. So i have never thought to put this in the Horoscopes but for reference now: When Neptune is strong, reconsider your religious rituals for relevancy and appropriateness – when Mercury is Retrograde, be super-careful with what you share.

Sometimes it is hard to know how strongly worded to be – i think my Daily Horoscopes of the last week have made it fairly clear that now (Mars on Neptune) is not a great time to get totally out of it or experiment with psychedelics but perhaps they could be more intense in 2017.  My fave request from a Leo in the last year: “Mystic why couldn’t you have included a warning about at home hair cutting with cannabis and ambient?”

Early Warning Venus Retro Alert (all signs): Do not start romanticizing your ex or the one who “got away.” YOU got away.  Put down the phone/mouse* and go spread-sheet something. Or plan your EMPIRE. Mercury is in Capricorn, remember.

*Mouse – that is “mouse” as in computer mouse (for e-stalking) not mouse as in blood-sacrifice crap.

Anyway, thoughts?

Image: Carlos Ramos

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LadyLehEzhirricortazoneErinflowerchild Recent comment authors
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LadyLeh
LadyLeh

Good sweet loving LordLady batshit – that Azalea video is off the hook.

Thank you for leading me there – it’s kind of like a dose of the New York adage that says there is ALWAYS someone out there crazier than you…just take a walk around the block….

Ezhirri
Ezhirri

Thanks for the Venus Retro warning! I have been thinking about the Gemini Ex a lot lately, & I need to stop. I have also been having dreams about exes. They appear, & I have this sense of dread like, “Oh no, I thought I got rid of him.” Sometimes I try to break up with them in the dreams or explain to them that we already broke up – years ago, & they insist that it’s not true. I wake up feeling relieved that it is. They continue to exhaust me.

cortazone
cortazone

Yes the Ronda rousey fight! How mad was that? Anybody else think Ronda seemed like a little girl next to the other fighter? Her energy seems.. Different, somehow

Reikology
Reikology

I love your posts, right on time as always.

flowerchild
flowerchild

“Early Warning Venus Retro Alert (all signs): Do not start romanticizing your ex or the one who “got away.” YOU got away.” That does help, to view it as *I* am the one who got away. I was the one to call it off and leave, but I’m still haunted by the situation, and have felt at times that he was the one who got away, and I feel bad about myself and my worth when I think that. I would never ever get in touch with him at this point, though. And it would be a hell freezes over… Read more »

sphinx
sphinx

Interesting Em! Could you elucidate what kind of reasons or situations would require a blood sacrifice and what is the property of a blood sacrifice that entices change? Also I am curious what entity or Chi would be attracted to blood sacrifice?

Lili
Lili

Vamp ex co worker reached out on FB. Blocked!!

Lili
Lili

Maybe also read co-ruled signs? Like Toro-Libra, Virgo-Gem? The Toro über resonated for this Libra-

CleverUserID
CleverUserID

not one, not two, but THREE exes contacted me in December. wt holy f? no. just no. yes. ~I~ got away. one owes me money. one wants to be friends, and the other is connected on a surreal level that puts me into his conscious experiences when i am in a dream state. ~shiver~ this shite needs to stop. new patterns, new enlightened relationships, new (non sacrificial) blood. i think i still need to clean out a few more closets to make way for it though. there is not even a shadow of a contender ANYWHERE in my environs. my… Read more »

MissDee
MissDee

Guess you are Virgo rising like me. I only read the rising scope. I think 5 months is ok: we like things to sink in, don’t we? And plus you said you “still need to clean out a few more closets” so the timing seems good.
I have cleaned all the closets in the universe and don’t share any ex-low qi vamp or any of that sort of vibe, but I’ll go with the 5 months trajectory. 🙂

CleverUserID
CleverUserID

yep, virgo rising. 5 months isn’t a long time in the grand scheme, but something MAJOR shifted in summer 2014, wish i knew what it was. been cleaning out closets ever since, it’s just like, omg, there’s STILL more to go?

it’s been a spiraling improvement, but, it’s been weird.

at least i’ve recognized the LZ habits of the past and know they are no longer desired. and thanks to the awesomeness that is this site, i see that’s my neptunian influence in large part.

just wish i knew when stuff was gonna stop being weird.

MissDee
MissDee

No Mystic, there are no exes, no Qi Vamps or peeps I wanna stalk. I swear I am totally cleaned.
When you say “no e-stalking nor putting energy into “researching” the objects” do you also include guys you meet on New Years Eve party?
He has no profile, just a page of his musical group and I don’t know weather to put “like” or forget about it. After all we didn’t exchange number and you said to go practical.

gioia
gioia

I say: let him e-search you!

MissDee
MissDee

Ops: busted 😀

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

just had my pandora return then…its conjunct my uranus…interesting….is this why im having trouble with the boyf? hmm

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

its 29 libra…the anorectic degree…theres sthing about that, isnt there…?

Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot
Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

Never been so relevant or bang-on.

Who does blood sacrifices in their wardrobe? The garden shed or the coal cellar, maybe, but wardrobe? Mental.

LadyLeh
LadyLeh

And where the hell does she keep her clothes?? In the oven?

Scorpy
Scorpy

Oh Mystic, you did warn us about the Mercury Retrograde Phantom Phonebox. And warned against “stray urges to “touch base” or (worse) send something intended to showcase your wit/hotness/relevance/presence on the planet” And what did I do? I sent a message to the new Aries/ Scorp moon romantic interest on NYE. What I thought sounded poetic, witty and thought would “showcase my hotness” went down like a lead balloon and came across all cheesy hallmark sentiment, judging by his response. Ughh. Cringing with embarrassment!! Why could I not have been my Saggo direct self and kept it simple instead of… Read more »

Janey
Janey

uh oh…I may have slept with the ex already? geez

Hoppy
Hoppy

The bit about the mouse made it Art…

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

Happy New Year lovely people… I ended up having a fabulous night. The venue completely forgot about the countdown to midnight and the crowd missed the whole thing – nobody cared, we were enjoying the music. Nursing a sore head today, so I’ll spend the day on the couch in plotting/scheming mode in between bouts of carb-loading and sleeping. Thank you for the timely reminder about the one who got away! It is his birthday today and despite deleting his number aeons ago, I still remember it. (Sometimes I hate having Mars in Virgo). He has Mars conj NN in… Read more »

Jokerman
Jokerman

Neptune makes everything innocent.

Pi
Pi

the prospect of having a message ignored by someone who is Neptune to us is a numero uno LZ stopper. and the visibility is poor when our hearts want rainbows and sunshine , It hurts to get Area 51 fences instead. whether it’s self-imposed or otherwise, but then again i guess that;s the boundary thing isn’t it. have a lovely day chrysalis

MissDee
MissDee

If you are now with someone and happy, why would you send your past time love a birthday message that could be refused or ignored?
I know Neptune makes everything looks easy and possibile and innocent but I think I would enjoy the person I have by my side and move on.

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

That is an excellent question, and one I have been asking myself for a while now! The ex was all magic – NN/Mars in Pisces on my sun-Saturn/Merc 7th house, Cap sun-Venus on my Cap moon-Lilith, my NN on his Asc etc etc. We met while Neptune was on my Venus and Pluto on his sun-Venus. The current guy is all earth – triple Toro, Cap MC. It is the most straightforward relationship I’ve ever been in. It is lovely and yes I am happy – with Cap moon-Lilith, Jupe in Toro on my MC and Mars in Virgo it… Read more »

Kay
Kay

Seriously? You can’t expect “magic” in every relationship or for one person to fulfil every single need. That’s why we have friends and work colleagues.

I’d be stoked to meet someone who I’m happy with. I get my creative needs from myself and colleagues. But i guess i don’t have a Pisces stellium in 7th

flowerchild
flowerchild

……aaaaaaand it’s still not the new year here, yet…..three hours to go…..we’re one of the last time zones. #Cali

How’s 2017 so far in Oz..? 🙂

marsbar
marsbar

Well I’m in CST and prob an official curmudgeon… Like kids get off my lawn!!! I want the illegal fireworks to stop so I can go back to sleep again.

Pi
Pi

Was going to start looking more closely at the international opportunities and getting rolling (Mars Neptune freshly in 9th house) but I seem to be on my hands and knees cleaning the kitchen cupboards, spraying kitchen pests with toxic but effective aerosols and researching new fitness gear online, looks like Jupiter exact sextile Saturn in 4th – 6th house is winning for now. hey what can you do lol

Year of the Phoenix
Year of the Phoenix

I am the one that got away… I’m letting that one sink in for a bit

Jokerman
Jokerman

Happy Jantober the 36th to you all.

Pi
Pi

i thought it was december the 33rd now

scorpiodawn
scorpiodawn

yep, having a quiet one with me an my son.
not totally well, have a bit of vertigo so havent drank a thing.
cant say the same for boyfriend.
if we ever split, i want my next partner to be soneone who doesnt drink.
happy new yr peeps x

flowerchild
flowerchild

Happy New Year, everyone! 🙂

I’m feeling a bit better today after last night self-doubt and self-worth issues around career. It’s all still there but I’m not as overwhelmed. Again, I think I’m feeling the Saturn/Chiron square the most of any transits right now, as Saturn is basically squaring my natal Chiron, too. Double dose…

I’m going to have a quiet evening in tonight, candles, bath, nice music, and watch the city fireworks from my kitchen window. Not going out into the mayhem of NYE in SF….no way! I look forward to my cozy evening alone..

SheRat
SheRat

It’s almost like late-era Essef invented the Amateur Night (St. Paddy’s, Pride, NYE, freakin’ Folsom, FFS). Or perfected it. at least. One of my good friends was the originator of Santarchy (as well as the Salmon Run) and a few years ago he had to write a letter pleading with the B&Ts to be cool and remember to tip bartenders. Gawd, what happened to our city?

flowerchild
flowerchild

I think some of it is because people who are not from here see it as an ‘anything goes’ playground, and don’t respect the city and some of its traditions and culture, and the fact that there are people here just trying to live their everyday lives..

SheRat
SheRat

Or, they’re just bratty techdouches,

https://medium.com/@jimatdeltaco/open-letter-to-a-guy-who-wrote-an-open-letter-to-the-mayor-of-san-francisco-about-homelessness-ccb5438c4784#.erct5b6ad

I consider myself an SF refugee now, actually. As do many of the people with whom I spent the better part of my life there (on both senses).

flowerchild
flowerchild

Yeah, I’ve been in and around SF for 30 years, so I’ve certainly noticed the changes!

I remember that letter…. we had a huge discussion about it on the Vanishing SF facebook page. Good group for local activism..

SheRat
SheRat

I’m on it! Have been fer years…great group.

R(Aqua/Tauri)
R(Aqua/Tauri)

Ugh, I feel for Ronda… you could tell when she got in the ring it was all psychological. She just looked so tense. She’s a highly emotional and competitive person which was both what made her a winner in the first place and what resulted in her downfall after the Holm fight as well.

I was born days apart from her so going through some of my own similar stuff…getting humbled and real and not pinning my identity on my ego.

Lili
Lili

Her mum Dr Ana Maria DeMars wrote a great blog post after the fight. Listed all RR’s accomplishments. Good regroup activity.

Hang tough and hold your head up! My 1st Saturn Return sucked- broken engagement, deaths, moving house, but laid the tracks for future me.

RaqT sending you kindness, light and hope for these days of Saturn’s bootcamp!

xx

Jokerman
Jokerman

Is DePluto her dad?

amazonalison
amazonalison

“YOU got away”…so perfect as my ex just messaged me this morning!!! Anti-love zombie in 2017 and beyond!!!

Leo-Scorp Grrrl
Leo-Scorp Grrrl

I think your warnings have been very clear on not going lower Neptune. I’ve been on the mend from a knee injury and have resisted the reach for a drink at the end of the day. But, I have already spent years as Saturn’s bitch and Pluto’s bride. Planning and plotting my career morph under the radar and more in line with my north node in 6th house which I now see (from the Astro Hacks course- Thank You!) I have spent a life time stuck in south node mode. My Have Done for 2016 is mostly internal and overcoming… Read more »

marsbar
marsbar

Also those Gems! Not down and out even if they feel it. They are having a weird resurrection of sorts. Sudden realizations, punching down old demons/addictions, life and death struggles…You know …Good times.

Pi
Pi

then they write a comedy skit about it and get rich. bastardos! nene

Pi
Pi

huh? i mean hehe! lol

marsbar
marsbar

YASSSS!! They are not very good at staying down I suspect. 😀

Lucky bastards!

Unicorn Sparkles
Unicorn Sparkles

The one gem I know who’s had serious hell in 2016… basically threw the equivalent of a bagful of grenades and a one finger salute as she exited Work for 6 weeks leave. It was a brilliant power move. She wouldn’t be there to have people try and turn things around against her.

BlueLady
BlueLady

Seriously – Sun, Moon, and Venus in Capricorn = I never send or say anything online, in text, or drunk dial… no matter how much blue devil hoochie juice is involved. There is a massive wall around that shit, circumspect at all times ? Doesn’t mean I don’t want to reach out at times, just have an enormous Saturn hand on my shoulder saying “do you think thar’s a good idea?”. But wouldn’t you know it – old LZ perp pops up again today, and it is suddenly abundantly clear that I’m over it. Thank the Goddess for that! Haven’t… Read more »

alchemy-salt
alchemy-salt

I’m not sure why but I’m laughing so much at the mouse disclaimer.

Also, I am v wary of being critical of a spiritual practice that is not mine/part of my cultural heritage etc etc but my god, those pictures of A Banks and her closet gave me the willies.

marsbar
marsbar

Same here. I am not directly from culture/lineage that practices those things so I don’t judge the animal cruelty aspect. I think kosher meats gets a lot of flack as well…

I hope she got the attention she wanted.because nobody does that sort of thing to look casual.

Catcatcat
Catcatcat

Haha – uh, I think ti’s ok to disparage animal cruelty (or cruelty) on any religious or societal front, even if you’re not from the lineage who practices this crap. Banks is messed up and has been for awhile. Her long history of feuds and violent lingo is in line with this bloody closet. Disturbing, and so glad I didn’t look at those photos. Weirdly, I first thought the blood in question would’ve been…I don’t know, willingly given? Like fine, have your strange ritual. But now knowing animals were involved is a new level of awful.

Electro
Electro

One has to expect comments of all kinds when posting on social media. She seemed like she wanted to come across as badass and powerful (I followed the link but didn’t watch) so of course she will be hella defensive. Bizarro indeed though, I wonder if she’ll get kicked out of her place if she doesn’t own it.

Scorpio_Rising
Scorpio_Rising

She just comes across as batshit insane and in desperate need of mental help.

Jokerman
Jokerman

They got away? I got away! Amazing.

marsbar
marsbar

Ikr? That line is worth its weight in gold.

Jokerman
Jokerman

I’m trying to feel it. But l can’t help feeling that I’ll capitulate to contact aft the big German car goes forward. But my brain says no.
Basically my Uran going toe-2-toe with my Nep. And my Pluto stands, frowns, X-armed and toes-a- tappin.

Jokerman
Jokerman

Just reread my Cancer 2017 buch.
I feel stronger. Hey, I’m the Cardinal!
I’ll let her do the Mutability.

Am I the only Astro-nerdist on here atm?

baristagem
baristagem

It’s brilliant!

Jokerman
Jokerman

Stay tune for another exciting instalment of our new serial: “A Minute Past”

“A minute passed. And another minute passed. And then another. A minute later another minute passed. And then…is if by accident another minute passed. 60 seconds later one more minute passes.”

flowerchild
flowerchild

Hahahahaha! I love your humor and your puns! 🙂

Jokerman
Jokerman

I can’t take credit for this one. It belongs to Monty Python. I think Michael Palin voices it.

flowerchild
flowerchild

Ah! Yeah, sounds like their humor…..love them!

SheRat
SheRat

“This is half an hour hence! We’ve fucking time-travelled, yes? We’re in a weird and wonderful world where everything is different! Maybe, outside, the polar ice caps have melted, maybe there’s fucking robots knocking about and Davina McCall’s the new Pope! Maybe, you can download rice!”

Taurus Vixen
Taurus Vixen

Oh thank heavens for the January monthlies. I am so ready for 2016 to be done. Been dreaming with ancient old boyfriends popping up in my dreams. I swear I wake up and immediately think “Where the hell did he come from?” Why on earth am I dreaming of boyfriends from 30 years ago? Course I should be ever so thankful it isn’t the ex-husband making an appearance but that would be a bad dream. But being a true Taurus, my next thought was leaping out of bed to review which financial company I was going to move my investments… Read more »

Unicorn Sparkles
Unicorn Sparkles

So having a kill room is ok as long as it’s for poultry.
Can you imagine the smell?

Rousey became more than the fight. And then she forgot the fight part. She looked truly broken.

2016… the monkey year from crapsville.

Jokerman
Jokerman

I confused mouse with moose or whatever Leos and Aquariis use.
If you put moose in ya hair will you grow antlers?

Unicorn Sparkles
Unicorn Sparkles

Like a whole one?

Jokerman
Jokerman

Manuel: “I speak English well. I learn it from a book”
Major: “You You Wh-wh-what?”

marsbar
marsbar

I would love antlers but it would wreck havoc on my hat’s, helmets,and car ceiling.

Pi
Pi

also hunting season would somewhat limit your capacity to head outdoors.

Pi
Pi

howevah. could fend aggressors with a single head-toss. Dilemma!

marsbar
marsbar

Hmmm… I’m a winter; I don’t particularly look good in ‘hunter orange’.

Lili
Lili

Black camo then? Winter as well. Scorp Asc- and Cap Prog Asc.

Lili
Lili

Quietly hunting qi vamps.

Pi
Pi

OK! noted. is it ok to limit the social audience/s and then share? lol,
I reviewed an alternative astro take on the capricorn and (re) discovered the relevance of Neptune in my regard for him. THAT Neptune lol. contemplating. thanks for the reminder..!

VirgLibrScorp
VirgLibrScorp

Haha! RAD venus retro warning and I take that with great heart – I GOT AWAY. Happy new moment, Mystic & thanks for all the inspiration and proper modern craft, wordsmithing not the least of it x

Mystic Medusa
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