I have been a (usually happily) single Cancer (Leo Rising) since my Uranus Opposition at age 40 a few years ago. This is mostly a result of me being genuinely busy establishing a company that is scaling and also deciding to get serious about my music, yoga and sobriety.
So while this is acceptable to me, it is not so much to my married friends and i am wondering: is there such a thing as Toxic Smug Marrieds? The term “Smug Marrieds” comes from Bridget Jones Diary . My “friends” are the ones putting the “toxic” into it.
Example 1 of many me + two “friends” in conversation at a group dinner out. Them: So have you met any interesting people lately? Me: Not really, i have been…Them: (interrupting) It has been a LONG time since you had sex or even dated, aren’t you worried you might end up a lonely cat lady? Or just sort of SAD?
Then they go onto paint this non-amusing picture of me as a Grey Gardens spinster with yellowing newspaper clippings and cat piss all over my decrepit hovel. It’s illogical as i do a lot of physical and mental fitness activity. I am also fastidious about my surrounds but it STILL HURTS. I also happen to know that these people and their Toxic Smug Marrieds compatriots are not necessarily all getting oodles of sex or companionship as they imply – i am also the first person they think to call and whine to when they are drunk or hungover or having an argument.
Is it so wrong to want to meet someone “organically” and trusting it will come and how can i say i am happy and not wanting to just get someone – anyone – for the sake of it – without sounding defensive?
Finally, is there an astrology indicator for Toxic Smug Marrieds? These ladies are both Libra! I don’t even have a cat. I have a dog. HELP?
Not A Cat Lady.
Dear Not A Cat Lady,
I don’t care whether these people are Libra, married or the Whores of Babylon – toxic is toxic. With friends like this, who needs vampires? They sound conversationally inept (who pries like that?) and probably subliminally jealous of your money, freedom or fitness. Happy people don’t need to passive aggressively cast shade like that. Do they?
There is a syndrome where you manage to attain your first real, proper adult relationship (often around the first Saturn Return) where you really think you’ve nailed it. Often you get into some store debt, enjoy goo-goo Saturday nights in and gain some monogamy weight, whilst feeling (yes) a little big smug re your poor single friends still hoofing it around the club scene or whatever. But that is not toxic and it is seldom lasting as at some point you realize that being in a couple has its own set of compromises or disadvantages.
So i don’t know if Pluto in Capricorn has opposed your Cancer Sun already (it is just half way through Capricorn at the moment) but may i suggest that your next morph will be of your social life – Toxic Smug Marrieds out, people you are more in alignment with – in. This does not need to be rancorous, you can forgive them for being fuqwits.
People, what do you think? And is this a thing?
Image: Miles Aldridge
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