Ask Mystic: Toxic Smug Marrieds

Filed in Ask Mystic

Miles Aldridge

Dear Mystic,

I have been a  (usually happily) single Cancer (Leo Rising) since my Uranus Opposition at age 40 a few years ago.  This is mostly a result of me being genuinely busy establishing a company that is scaling and also deciding to get serious about my music, yoga and sobriety. 

So while this is acceptable to me, it is not so much to my married friends and i am wondering: is there such a thing as Toxic Smug Marrieds?  The term “Smug Marrieds” comes from Bridget Jones Diary . My “friends” are the ones putting the “toxic” into it.

Example 1 of many me + two “friends” in conversation at a group dinner out. Them: So have you met any interesting people lately?  Me: Not really, i have been…Them: (interrupting) It has been a LONG time since you had sex or even dated, aren’t you worried you might end up a lonely cat lady?  Or just sort of SAD? 

Then they go onto paint this non-amusing picture of me as a Grey Gardens spinster with yellowing newspaper clippings and cat piss all over my decrepit hovel. It’s illogical as i do a lot of physical and mental fitness activity. I am also fastidious about my surrounds but it STILL HURTS.  I also happen to know that these people and their Toxic Smug Marrieds compatriots are not necessarily all getting oodles of sex or companionship as they imply – i am also the first person they think to call and whine to when they are drunk or hungover or having an argument.

Is it so wrong to want to meet someone “organically” and trusting it will come and how can i say i am happy and not wanting to just get someone – anyone – for the sake of it – without sounding defensive? 

Finally, is there an astrology indicator for Toxic Smug Marrieds? These ladies are both Libra!  I don’t even have a cat. I have a dog. HELP?

Not A Cat Lady.

Dear Not A Cat Lady,

I don’t care whether these people are Libra, married or the Whores of Babylon – toxic is toxic. With friends like this, who needs vampires? They sound conversationally inept (who pries like that?) and probably subliminally jealous of your money, freedom or fitness. Happy people don’t need to passive aggressively cast shade like that. Do they?

There is a syndrome where you manage to attain your first real, proper adult relationship (often around the first Saturn Return) where you really think you’ve nailed it. Often you get into some store debt, enjoy goo-goo Saturday nights in and gain some monogamy weight, whilst feeling (yes) a little big smug re your poor single friends still hoofing it around the club scene or whatever. But that is not toxic and it is seldom lasting as at some point you realize that being in a couple has its own set of compromises or disadvantages.

So i don’t know if Pluto in Capricorn has opposed your Cancer Sun already (it is just half way through Capricorn at the moment) but may i suggest that your next morph will be of your social life – Toxic Smug Marrieds out, people you are more in alignment with – in. This does not need to be rancorous, you can forgive them for being fuqwits.

People, what do you think?  And is this a thing?

Image: Miles Aldridge

Access Horoscopes, Insta-Tarot, Oracle and More

All Access Membership – This is not a recurring payment – you are not locked in.

Email Mystic if you would like to trial for a few weeks first.

102 thoughts on “Ask Mystic: Toxic Smug Marrieds

  1. Oh goodness, I could have written this letter. I’m a cancer (leo rising) who has lived with my dog yet no man for years, and if I had a dollar for every stupid comment about my love life from someone in a couple…! Not only that, but I’ve had at least 3-4 married men tell me how amazing marriage is, how sad that I don’t have a partner, I don’t know what I’m missing out on, yada yada… and then try and get into my pants. I always think, ‘Marriage might be amazing for you but it’s not so bloody great for your wife, is it?”

    Here’s the strategy I’ve begun. When someone in a couple starts questioning me about my love life, I turn the tables and start questioning them about theirs. It’s brilliant! How often they have sex, whether they enjoy it as much as ever, whether it fulfils them on every level, do they ever wonder whether they’ve made the right decision being with this person, do they think they will be happy with them til the end of time or will their relationship come to a natural end down the track, are they confident their partner will never have an affair, etc etc. They soon go quiet.

    And a funny thing: I’ve found the coupled men and women who are happy in their partnerships don’t have much of a problem with my single status. It’s the insecure ones who can’t imagine living in their own who project all their insecurities onto you.

    Also, a couple of recently divorced friends have told me they were never so alone as in their marriage.

    Here’s the thing. Living on your own or with a partner, we’re all alone in the universe. Connection comes from how present and loving and honest we are with all the beings in our lives, whether they be family or friends or colleagues or partners or our beautiful dogs.

  2. I feel this.

    Its awful. I have zero allies. This could be me, except my friends are gay and even they are acting smug towards me cuz they are talking marriage and shopping for rings.

    I feel more “alone” because of judgmental / non supportive friends, not because I am single.

  3. I just wanted to chime in and say I enjoyed reading this article and comments -it made me feel less alone. Where I live the pressure to be partnered is really bad, like, you HAVE to show yourself to the world as being in a relationship to not be regarded as a failure. I can’t say there es especially more pressure as a woman, I just don’t like feeling that I am shamed by others for being single. I may have a clusterfuck of a stellium in Libra so a part of me does long for a partner or a soulmate but my Venus Retrograde in Aquarius kind of opposes this abiding social norms thing. I honestly don’t envy my friends in relationships and they don’t seem exciting to me! They just don’t. And yet the pressure is larger than life. I often feel ostracized. And to NACL: one thing worse than putting up with pressure from snarky “friends” is caving in and having this toxic *intimate* relationship just so people can get off your back. Pay no attention to the Libra Junos and their most likely boring lives they are all jealous of you and bullying you into their miserable hetero club (I’m straight but you get me: hapless conservatives)

    I really loved this post. People should be more educated on the fact that not everyone wants to be married or marry before X age or whatever.

    • Yeah it took this vague Pisces a long time to realise that people try to shaoeshift you into their own form so they can feel more comfortable around you. It’s not even conscious. Behavioural, nonverbal. My own mother does it, in her emotionally stunted multi-air uranian way. Other (ex) friends more boringly malicious. “Can’t you just make choices I can *understand*?” // paraphrasing.

      I keep forgetting that despite my Venus Aries bravado or whatever it is, I’m a freakin Pisces ffs and this shit actually affects me without realising.
      Long story short. Distance is a thing and you can take it. Buh bye toxic couplefest.

  4. They feel low (VERY LOW) Libra people. But honestly, regardless they astro profile I’d go with MM Advice and get some new peeps to hang out with that are not onlly more in tune with you but less sad and dependant. Should you get meet your soul mate you do not want to introduce him to such idiotic peeps!

  5. My Mars in 3rd H Leo is not so gentille as some of you fine folks.

    Eradicate those bitchez like a scorching case of herpes (circa Ferris Bueller’s Day Off).

    True friends support, or kick us in the arse when needed. They do not ridicule & belittle. Your emotions/reactions are valid.

    They can complain; you – never explain.

    Fuq them, & the brooms they rode in on.

  6. Isn’t it curious how people are okay with continuing stale conversation lines? I mean my god, the smugness from conforming and perpetuating tired stereotypes. How do people do it? Not only are they toxic, it sounds like they are a total snooze fest. In response to “have you met anyone interesting?” I would imagine myself telling them about random people I’ve met or new business partners. Interesting should not be limited to people you shag or marry. Sounds like you may be the only interesting thing they have going for them, tis a pity they won’t listen to you!

  7. I’m in my mid-30s and I am not married. But I’ve been in situations with people like this. Especially my stepmomster and my sister, as well as other nasty, useless, unhappy people my age, and even younger. And the one thing I learned quite quickly is that, “misery loves company” is a more truer statement than any I’ve heard before.

    People who are in happily married relationships will never, ever begrudge you being single. They are so fulfilled in their married relationships that they want you to be just as happy as they are and they understand the importance of finding the right person, whatever the age. Those foul, miserable, and unhappily marrieds that will do anything they can to make you feel, well, less than – they are unhappy, and seeing that you are not in similar circumstance makes them jealous – of your freedom, of the fact that you still have the opportunity to get it right, from the start. Stay away from them. Let their imaginations of what you’re up to in your free, happy life drive them mad, while they continue on in their unfortunate, sad little married lives.

  8. I’m a single Libra who emerged with two teenagers after a long long-term relationship with a perfection-seeking Kataka. It was like living on high alert. I have received similar inquiries about my being solo and I do have a cat already. Tell your friends that you are waiting for them to die as you have your eye on their husbands, but you are not willing to share.

  9. I don’t know if it is a thing right now for those two ladies to say things like that or not. Bottom line to for me is how people make me feel. Either their words or their physical presence. These two ladies would either make me feel icky or very distanced from them. Either way, I would have much less time around them thus opening up space for some new healthy people to come in.

    Several months ago I got tired of being Julie the Cruise Director with several of my friendships and decided to stop carrying our friendship. Haven’t heard a peep from the three of them. When I did it I asked Spirit/Universe to bring in quality people if any of those three did not buck up with balance in our friendships. Funny thing is I now have so many new quality people that I am getting to know on a real level in a balanced healthy way.

    Gotta clean out the weeds for flowers and plants to grow in one’s garden.

  10. Your friends are just plain MEAN, is what they are! Ugh! I agree with MM where she says that if they were happy themselves, they wouldn’t say things like that to you. You’re not a cat lady but, you know what? THEY are CATTY women! Ugh, again…

    Move to San Francisco, where it is not *cool* to be married! ; ) ….and for those that are married, I don’t see people throwing it in everyone’s faces……
    I’m 48 now, never married, and not a cat lady either, and I’ll tell you what….. no one gives a damn!
    Most of my friends are divorced now, and some are re-married, or re-partnered, and some are not.
    ‘Smug’ got driven out of them long ago by REAL LIFE….. But even back then, I don’t remember my friends being ‘smug married’, maybe slightly within themselves, but never said anything to anyone else, didn’t compare themselves, or pressure or criticize me…..none of that. They didn’t even give me shit when they had kids and I didn’t. My best friend at the time was happy I didn’t because then I could help her with hers! Ha ha! And she NEVER did that ‘well, you’re not a mom…” thing to me. I guess I was lucky…… I think it’s regional…..If I had my life-course and lifestyle in another place besides Northern California, I probably would have gotten criticism. Even my family didn’t pressure or criticize me.
    Actually, though…..just thought of this: I moved to England for awhile when I was 40, and a few times I was asked, in so many words….’how did you manage all the way until now, to not have any kids?’ ….no mention of marriage, but people were confused that I was that old and no kids. I was stunned by it because I had never been asked that before here in California….

    Anyway…….I agree with MM again, get new friends! And, sounds like your biz is taking off, perhaps you can ease into finding like-minded new friends through your work world? People who are more career-oriented and broad-minded and can be supportive because they ‘get’ what you’re doing with your life?

  11. Great advice from MM! I would think about moving on from these people, they sound hideola.

    I think my generation in particular are incredibly conservative about marriage. It seems to be some kind of marker of success, but I don’t really understand, success of what? I know some people who’ve been married 10-15 years and we’re barely mid way through our 30’s. I’m not even sure they’re happy, half the time they’re complaining/blaming their spouses for their life choices. If they’re suffering it seems we all need to suffer.

    If these guys are the spokespeople for marriage, I’m running in the opposite direction.

    MM’s right about relationships during Saturn Return – it really teaches you the reality of relationships and for me it truly showed me that intimacy is way more interesting and far more stable then passion.

    Actually Alain de Botton has a fascinating novel out at the moment on love – The Course of Love. It’s really interesting and honest about the reality of sharing your life with someone.

    Trust your own judgment in love and in your life, never take advice from anyone who makes you feel like that. Maybe the next time your friends call you to vent about their spouses you should tell them you’re busy.

    Enjoy your process and don’t feel bad for doing what works for you.

  12. ‘Then they go onto paint this non-amusing picture of me as a Grey Gardens spinster with yellowing newspaper clippings and cat piss all over my decrepit hovel’. Is simply the best line ever. I think they subliminally see her as a renegade, you know how some people need tacit endorsement of their life choices.

    I get called out when I spend lots of time solo, which I am more than happy with, but this seems hugely threatening to others sometimes, like I am a sad, billy no mates. I would just prefer to spend my time with people and on activities I enjoy – nuff’ said.

  13. Interesting how Sagittarius brings out both the higher truths and the moralising retardation of growth. Moralisers always seek to paralise because they can’t grow or keep up with evolutions and there is literally no end to the fabrication and twisting of facts they’ll employ to reimage a paralysis as a happy state of affairs.
    Low Sag. Literally running away from the truth.

  14. Good advice MM.

    And speaking from experience as an out gay woman since before it was cool, yes, other people project onto the private and deeply persona choices you make because they are sad and can’t face it.

    Be you, always.
    Who else are you gonna be anyhow?

    This is how I find astrology to be extraordinarily uplifting and fullfilling as each one of us is navigating our way through the cosmic collaboration of time and space and each with a natal chart to lean on for gems of uniquely I AM inspiration. Discovering you have Lillith at u our disposal or Mars to fall back on in your own unique way ( obviously just two examples maybe relevant to this scenario) is greater than any lifeboat or weaponry designed by somebody else…

    Astrology gives you the means to know thyself and just be you. And what better time for it than Sagittarius Saturnised? 😉

    • Your 3rd paragraph is so true. It amazes me how you can find ‘missing’ parts of your persona. Even aft 3 years serious pursuit. I think my Stationary Jupiter in 4H Scorp Squaring 8H Aqua Chiron and 2H Leo Merc keeps me looking.

  15. I’ve known so many women (& some men) whose endgame was to Be Married. Sure, they also had career ambititions & some personal goals, but they considered themselves complete failures clear up until the time they found someone to say “I do” back to them… and they filter everyone else’s singlehood through their own sad sense of what is worthy & meaningful.

    Of course there is nothing wrong with you for allowing people to come in & out of your life organically: that is a Healthy Attitude! Leave the smug in your wake & live your life in peace. Chances are they won’t be married forever, & maybe they won’t be such smug assholes after a divorce (or two).

  16. Well Libra is all about partnering…but they sound awful. They are secretly envious of your freedom and possibility to do all things you’d like to do!! I have a neighbor who is always saying these types of things to me: “id be so bored at home..doing nothing” well I do all the things dammit…but I think she says it to make herself feel better and because she’s a bitch sometimes lol.

  17. I suggest to have single friends only.
    Are your friends jokingly ribbing you? Or are they being snarky dicks?
    If the later move on, run in a single female only circle to see if it improves.

  18. MM is dead right; toxic is toxic is toxic. If they’re behaving like this now (trying to manifest misery for you, and describing it in “humorous” detail to your Face?!), they likely won’t stop if you do wind up partnered.

    I’ve been head-over-heels with my Mr. for 20 years, and we’ve worked our asses off to be so (good therapy, worth every penny). And the entire time, we’ve had people eager to tell us what’s “wrong” with our relationship and try to paint us pictures of the heinous regrets we’ll have. Not legally married (yet, what’s the rush?), no jointly biological kids (I have a step-daughter I adore and have helped raise since she was 2), do not own our house (careers we love were bigger priorities)… on & on. It’s a brilliant tell that these people need weeding out where possible.

    There is no appeasing them. Only their life template is acceptable, and they will always find “deviations” to harp on. They need to be RIGHT, so at least they have that to cling to in their misery.

    And where you can’t weed them out (e.g. spouses of good friends), know that their ensuing divorces are often spectacular.

  19. It’s people who don’t identify with themselves as an individual and find security in “should” when it comes to life. They think their shoulds apply to everyone.

    Don’t let them put you in that categorised box.
    It’s small and cramped and dark and won’t let you grow.
    You will always be more.

  20. I haven’t read every comment so this may be a rehash, but screw the haute route. In response to: “aren’t you worried you might end up a lonely cat lady? Or just sort of SAD?” just reply “why would I be any more worried about that than you would? People get divorced every day: one day they think they’re happy and the next…BAM…” – maybe slam your fist onto the table at that point for emphasis.

    Congrats on the sobriety babe – among everything else you’ve been doing to kick ass. x

  21. I swear this rings like the pages of a great comic novel.

    But, if it’s true there are 2 ways it could be seen:

    1. You are overly sensitive. They’re just great pals who think you get them to such a degree they can joke about everything–including your single status. Start dishing it back, and ask them how often percy pokes the garden shrubbery.

    2. They’re arses. Get away ASAP and find some cool folk, married or otherwise.

  22. They sound rude. I knew some couples like that – all folks who settled. I quietly moved on, put the energy out, boom – all disappeared. All Geminis in my case.

    Only time I get “tough” with people is creatively. If you want to be employable you MUST set a high bar. I have straight up told people they have no place being an artist if they are stingy, ungenerous, and undisciplined. Don’t waste your money or time. You want to be an artist? Crack up and take OFF masks, not pile them on or hide behind passive aggressive Tall Poppy clique BS. I stand by this stance with full Bull obstinancy :p

  23. Forgive them their insecurity and projections. Forgive them their lack of imagination and poor manners. Educate them on your great equanimity and let them know this conversation is no longer on the table for discussion: “I’m happy and I don’t have the vision you want for me right now. I’ll let you know if that changes”.

    If they don’t gracefully back away, perhaps they aren’t capable of the sensitivity you require in a close friend? If they get it, they will support you just as you are and not try to treat you like a “fixer-upper”. I think Librans just like organisation, maybe they need to be told it’s organised the way you like? Good luck!

  24. Not real friends! I’m sure there are Toxic Marrieds or mean
    Librans or whatever, but the real question is why are you still friends with these people? My dear Not A Cat Lady, you deserve better friends!

    As a Libra in your same shoes, when i have lamented to Marrieds they are often envious of my life citing some kind of independence and freedom from diapers and responsibility thing. Sad and so untrue. Grass is greener on other side thing? Many were married before the Dating Apocalypse so they don’t understand why it is so hard to get a date let alone find acceptable sex or companionship. But yeah too caught up in rat race and making $ to care.

  25. married people are always threatened by single people – they think we are going to steal their husbands ( who they dont even want…why would we?)
    Two out of every five marriages end in divorce .. and the other three are miserable.
    Live your life, be you and fuck em. Let them stew and moan.

    • Insecure people.

      There’s politics between different married couples and judgement.

      If I roll my eyes one more time at a snarky comment from people who think they are the epitomy of ‘family’ I’ll be permanently looking into the back of my head.

      It’s like people giving parenting advice while their spawn is actively trying to set fire to their cat.

      why can’t people just live their lives…

    • I am married – OK – more than two shaky decades (its volatile, toxic and euphoric, but I just do it – saturn in aries 7/8th) – but my two closest friends are single and gorgeous – so one did flirt outrageously with my long term partner – but I’d probably choose her over him any day…

      What does that say???

      Oh and I have had married friends try to chat my partner OR me up…intermittently – without any reason (?) No signal, clue from me or him – nothing…I just ignore or feign vagueness or weariness…detachment.

      Me, I’m deluded…

      Then I found out I belong to a cult…but I did not know it…until I realised that someone at the top is there, always “present”, with us, observing, controlling, silently mining (?) and no one else (hundreds of) is allowed to be at the top, lol, of course. That is a cult I am now sure; what a shame my passion for my instructor is mute…pointless, but devoted to her (individual being anyway) as she is devoted to the mastermind (boring). She is at least offering a spiritual dimension missing in an excessively destructive sexual marriage…

      So what’s my point; have you read Esther Perel? Or Thomas Moore? Triangles are always there.

      Btw, I just discovered I have asteroid hylonome conjunct my MC (?) dismal…

      My partner’s asteroid nessus is conjunct (in synastry) to my MC…and his own natal varuna is conjunct his MC…

      When is a partner not a partner – forget the neurosis of a friend stealing your union, dream…how about your shadow?

      Oh and I also just worked out I have ixiom conjunct juno, ceres, dejanila in scorpio…great, not.

      Yes, live your life, indeed :-))

  26. If those Librans have kids, I pity them!!

    My Libra stellium is seething at this awful treatment from clueless clods!

    Smug, entitled, petit bourgeois, EW!!!

    Tom Lehrer wrote a song in the 60’s

    Little boxes on the hillside
    little boxes made of ticky-tacky,
    Little boxes on the hillside and they all look just the same…

    Those people are RUDE- and do not deserve to wear the mantle of Venus!! They need to spend time redeeming themselves in a 12th house joint- reflecting on their privilege under monastic vows of silence- until they speak kindly and see truth beauty.

    Uranus opposition is a great time for the old to fall away. The authentic you that was always there to shine forth with worthy companions and a tribe that lifts you up and supports the highest, best ever you.

    Yes to magic encounters- and salt scrub those qi vamps out of your lovely aura!!

    My cats would pee on their shoes-

    Your Leo rising means Aqua Desc- they are jalouse of your indy life- no doubt!!

    Stay haute and strong on your path!

    • Right?? Tbh surprised by the suggestions of being patient and understanding when they are obvs Fuqwits. But ~lol~ I am Sag/Scorp rising & Mars/Moon in Leo I guess – I would consider that kind of carry on grounds for instant dismissal!

  27. Yeah, what was that movie ? Something about dragging someone to hell. Anywho they obviously can’t see themselves surviving outside a relationship so can’t understand how you can. Poor dears. That kind of insecurity must be a living hell and they want you there with them. I’d take their bitchiness as a cry for help actually. My attitude / stance would be ..pity.
    Aside from that I do think that having a sex life is probably something I’d be prioritizing at this time ! It will sort out the fish wives quick smart and in my books is more important than opening a new branch of the biz .. Just keep in mind I think it’s more important than food so I might be reflecting a bit.

  28. i have to echo Mystic’s sentiment that these folks are just being crappy, not in direct correlation to also being married. i’ve seen the same phenomenon when i got sober and my drinking friends were like, but how are you going to have any fun now? can’t you just have one drink? some people just need for you to be like them so they feel better about themselves. i also tend to agree that it sounds like they are secretly (to themselves) jealous of your freedom, etc. kudos to you for standing your ground and not settling for any old relationship just to be in one. i got divorced only 2 months ago and people are already starting with the cat comments. (cats sure get a bad rap) so .. i feel ya. oh and i’m a libra, and i don’t do this stuff to others; i say, “let your freak flag fly!” so who knows abt the libra thing hmmmm

  29. Dear NACL,
    I feel for you ! I’m an Aries and wouldn’t dream of being so obnoxious to a dear Katakan. I don;t mingle with ze Librans (surrounded by Gems, Pisceans and Katakans) … So i hit the bookshelf – Forgive me it’s in a book called Seduction by the Stars, gifted to me by an old Piscean mentor !
    The first paragraph i read ”Remember Librans are into togetherness. Their relationship is the most important things in their lives. The first thing a Libran wants to know is ”Are you in a relationship ?” !!
    Sounds like projection conversation.
    I would be sending their names on a piece of paper into the freezer for a while ! (Old housewitchery trick) to freeze them out, it’s surprising how if you make a little space in your life, a new friend in the making pops their head out..always.
    When i was asked similar questions round my Saturn return, my sincere answer was ”You know, I’ve seen myself in the future, I have an old Triumph motorcycle, long grey plaits, a special cylinder holder attached to bike for my walking stick, riding to the sea, being part of an old Triumph Owners Motorcycle Club, Freedom, and I’m working on getting there”…. It shattered the talk on relationship and opened people up on their dreams, then i’d open it back up to them ? So where do you see yourself when you are old and grey ?
    I would not be sharing any info at all re life not being the perfect place for you right now…Don’t give them anything to talk about when you’re not around…
    I think i would be laying low for a while with those Librans, and looking around for people who i could get to know through other new means , who know and take me as to where i am at now. Some people are unable to feel complete if there isn’t someone beside them, sounds like these women.
    Don’t give them an answer, Swing it back to them them fabulous them !! W.C Fields said ”It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to”
    May the Force be with you !

    • Wow, love the ice box trick for ‘icing them out’/putting the freeze on. I’ll just have to try it. Hmmm.

    • Also love the freezer trick. I was thinking the same that it was almost text book projection. What they are saying is more about their fears and insecurities than anything to do with you.

      Cut and run. Full your world with simpatico souls.

  30. Don’t worry about these idiots, they are rude.
    From married people: “Well we’re glad to see you’re happy now”, after I got married at 42. Happy now? I was always happy thanks, or if I wasn’t, always, it was not down to the fact that I was single. Toxic people will find a way of pissing on your chips even if you turned into Elizabeth Taylor and married a bazillion people one after the other. Toxic married couples of my experience, happened more times than it ought to have:
    The woman felt threatened by my freedom and twitchy that I would steal her husband, and never invited me anywhere because i must be unstable since I am not married. I was thinking “Don’t worry love, *him* ? as IF”
    The man felt I was beneath his contempt and treated me like an unserious person at the same time he is finding a way to get a leg over behind his wife’s back (the same wife who is stealth boasting to me about how fantastic their marriage is), because of course if you are old and unmarried you must be desperate, vulnerable and therefore will fuq him and keep your trap shut about it, on the strength that he is so fantastic.

    Married people were always bringing their drama to me. I was just, being me, it was so annoying.

    • ohand by the way I am a Libran too, I think it doesn’t have much to do with it, I would rather be single than give up the privileges for a not up to par attachment, and in fact have lived alone for the majority of my adult life. You rock out being happy mate, I would say the majority of my most treasured memories are being single. Decorating a room myself and standing back to admire. Getting off a plane in Croatia, alone, absolutely bricking it and meeting a soul-buddy in the hostel, getting pissed with her for a week and going night swimming. You get the picture. Do not mix with people who think you are less than.

  31. My new friend, e*, told me a tale, recently, re her six years living in The Big Apple where no body gives a fuq about a 40 something solo babegoing about her business.

    Seems in NY no one cares where one’s stat is at. Like, e* reckons it doesn’t even come-up in conversation. Everyone there’s so liberal and non-judgemental. Maybe metropolis people are another animal. So many different strokes totes just makes folks get along.

    Meanwhile, back in the land of OZ: Archaic familial, social and cultural expectations on where one should be at by what age etc really rials me.

    Maybe ’cause I’m a single, straight, never married male with no pets Aqua, Aries rising, I can empathise for Non Madame Chat?

    Yes, those scrags sound smug as. I chose not to entertain smug types. I excommunicate smugees at the first sign of smugness.


    • Hey D, good to see you around.
      Spring must be sprung up your way already ? How’s the swell up your way ? It’s been so good here. Far too cold for an old codger like me but the shape of the break has been tempting me back in to the water.
      New York ? Yeah , One of the few places in the world I could happily live.

    • Funny you say this- I am from NYC and was thinking reading this, how much I miss it for its non-judgementalness and room for every kind of life you want to make for yourself. No one gives a fuq.

      For some reason, the ‘cat lady’ thing really riles me. Back in NY, my art-mentor was a 60-something who lived in a giant ancient loft, had had a semi-famous artist companion for 30 years (deceased by the time I met her), a husband-in-name-only who lived downtown and invested her money, two other ex-husbands, and she reckoned she’d had about 250 lovers throughout her life… she also had at least four cats at any given time, as well as the ones she’d save off the street and install in her workspace in Brooklyn.

      The people who harbor notions of ‘cat ladies’ seem to forget what real cat ladies looked like… I haven’t. There was one who lived on my street in Brooklyn in the 70s. It was a shack that was crammed with cats, the yard crawling with them. As we kids were playing out on the street, we could see her peering out the dirty window at us, scowling. But she was never seen leaving her house. It was obvious she was not playing with a full deck.

      I guess it riles me because I probably look like their stereotype. I know it’s futile to concern oneself with the opinions of Muggles… I don’t know why I do.

      • Rad story telling, Dizz.

        e* (aqua superstar Goddess) lived in Brooklyn, too. It was a no-go zone the day she arrived. e* bailed six years later when the first wine-bar opened for business…


        • I feel this way having moved back to the Midwest after 20+ years in San Francisco. It’s as small-minded as when I left, except now they have purple hair. And don’t even get me started on trying to go to a neighborhood bar and make friends.

          Quel drag.

          To quote batty Sinead: “That’s why I’m leaving…”

    • THIS.

      This is why I fucked off for 12 years – the tribalism is boring an DC self limiting. Now that I found my path I meet nicer people but yeah, I def miss living in the States culturally and socially. Alas, I have universal healthcare and passionfruit galore so I just enjoy what both places have in place while in such places :p

      • Where are YOU hanging out?!? I knew there had to be someplace. Still, the people in this town are AG.GRO. I’ve had two men get out of their cars to yell at me while on my motorcycle. It’s hilarious, as they seem to think I’m going to wait around for them to yell at me.

        Too bad, I’m gone in 4 weeks.

    • Same vibe in San Francisco as you describe in NYC. Just wrote about it below…… L I B E R A T I O N is what it is! Good stuff!

    • Moving to NY. It’s decided. Just need to find an apartment with a grand piano so I can write some music while there. I’m a crap waitress though so I’d go broke with no tips.
      And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar and say man what are you doing here

  32. Dear NACL,

    Mystic’s advice is very sound, and probably the most sensible and mature way to to manage it.

    But sometimes you just want to rub their nose in it and watch them squirm for a change. So if you are so inclined to take ‘la basse route’ instead of ‘la haute route’ you might try saying something like: “I had the best Friday night – I stayed in all night wearing my comfy jim-jams and watched [insert whatever girlie movie you love to watch when no one is watching you] and I ate a full tub of [insert whatever decadent ice cream or chocolate you just lurrrv so much you hate to share it] and then I hopped into my bed and assumed the star fish position right in the middle, hogging all the pillows and blankets and slept like a baby. You guys must really really regret being married and having to [insert whatever inane things they have previously whinged to you about their husbands/defacto].”

    I guess if you decide to take ‘la haute route’ (which, if you are as sensible as you sound, you probably will) you can just read this and imagine the look of envy creeping across their faces.

    • Oh god having the whole bed to yourself is awesome! And let’s not forget that being single means you get your pick of fish in the ocean and you can run a ‘capture and release’ program.

        • I concur! Where is the ‘like’ button and I think I will soon be running my own “capture and Release” program!

    • Ooooh, yes. You could drop a little Loving Smugging token like, “Oh and when’s the last time you’ve had a proper sleep? What with your little Dexter up until 2 or 3 am and rising at 5, I’m sure that’s a challenge.” Follow by a big siiiiiiiigh.

    • Yes! And don’t forget to use the M word whenever you really want them to squirm. No sex they say?
      Actually – the best sex and with myself! Thank you very much!!!
      Fact: Masturbation usually halts the situation immediately with women and Menstruation usually halts the situation immediately with men.

  33. Oh god mystic your second paragraph made my (ahem) Joan-Rivers-identifying Gemini rising smirk with mirth. Bless your organic bamboo socks.

    Each to their own, every horse runs its own race, laissez faire, laissez aimer, laissez me alone bishes lol.

  34. Ew! Not Real Friends. They sound jealous (and yes, definitely conversationally inept) as NACL sounds like they’re doing very well! Also – nothing worse than low Libra’s imo. Good vibes to you xx

  35. Good response MM, reading NACL’s letter I just thought these people sounded rude and possibly insecure to be so keen to carry on like that. NACL – I hope that you do whatever makes you happy and feel good and stuff the rest xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Mystic Medusa