A happily single Cancer woman asks about the signs of a toxic friend. Well, these so-called friends are so toxic she needs a HAZMAT crew out there.
I have been a (usually happily) single Cancer (Leo Rising) since my Uranus Opposition at age 40. It is mostly a result of me being genuinely busy establishing a company that is scaling and deciding to get serious about my music, yoga, and sobriety.
So while this is acceptable to me, it is not so much to my married friends, and I am wondering: is there such a thing as Toxic Smug Marrieds? The term “Smug Marrieds” comes from Bridget Jones Diary. My “friends” are the ones putting the “toxic” into it. Put more simply, what are the signs of a toxic friend?
Here is one recent example. I was in conversation with two “friends” at a group dinner out. Them: So have you met any interesting people lately? Me: Not really, I have been…Them: (interrupting) It has been a LONG time since you had sex or even dated, aren’t you worried you might end up a lonely cat lady? Or just sort of SAD?
Then they go onto paint this non-amusing picture of me as a Grey Gardens spinster with yellowing newspaper clippings and cat piss all over my decrepit hovel. It’s illogical as I do a lot of physical and mental fitness activity. I am also meticulous about my surrounds, but it STILL HURTS. Incidentally, I happen to know that these people and their Toxic Smug Marrieds compatriots are not necessarily all getting oodles of sex or companionship as they imply. I am also the first person they think to call and whine to when they are drunk or arguing. Horribly, their husbands also ‘reach out.’
Is it so wrong to want to meet someone “organically” and trusting it will come? Or not caring either way? How can I say I am happy and not wanting to get someone – anyone – for the sake of it – without sounding defensive?
Finally, is there an astrology indicator for Toxic Smug Marrieds? These ladies are both Libra! I don’t even have a cat. I have a dog. HELP?
Not A Cat Lady.
Dear Not A Cat Lady,
I don’t care whether these people are Libra, married or the Whores of Babylon – toxic is toxic. I would say they’ve easily exhibited the signs of a toxic friend, with that example above, alone. With friends like this, who needs vampires? They sound conversationally inept (who pries like that?) and subliminally jealous of your money, freedom or fitness. Happy people don’t need to passive-aggressively cast shade like that.
There is a syndrome where you manage to attain your first real, proper adult relationship (often around the first Saturn Return) where you think you’ve nailed it. Usually, you get into some store debt, enjoy goo-goo Saturday nights in and gain some monogamy weight, while feeling (yes) a little big smug re your poor single friends still hoofing it around the scene. But that is not toxic. And it seldom lasts. At some point, you realize that being in a couple has its own set of compromises or disadvantages.
So I don’t know if Pluto in Capricorn has opposed your Cancer Sun already (it is just halfway through Capricorn at the moment) but may I suggest that your next morph will be of your social life – Toxic Smug Marrieds out and more aligned people in. It does not need to be rancorous; you can forgive them for being fuqwits.
People, what do you think? And is this a thing?
Image: Miles Aldridge
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