Ask Mystic: He Was My Soulmate & I Was His Mid-Life Crisis

Filed in Ask Mystic

Charlie Burns

Dear Mystic,

As I see you sometimes answer the questions of other subscribers in the blog, I am hoping you can help with mine. Embarrassingly, I found this site looking for “insights” or, more accurately, “dirt” on a man I have become obsessed with.

Sadly, I mean obsessed like the way teenage girls get obsessed. I wrote his name out a hundred times the other night, like a mantra. But I am not a teen. I am in my late thirties. You would die if you saw my search history. I found you with a search term like “if you met on an eclipse are Cancer woman Capricorn man soulmates”. 

So I signed up hoping for a “he will come back to you on July 10” reading and then found a lot more, including (lol) the Love Zombie stuff.  The horoscopes have given me non-preachy strength but the Oracle just told me to “get a grip.”  Even the Tarot is all Swords, end of days, mourn your losses and move on. Honestly, I agree and I am thankful for the information, even though it hurts. 

But how?

As a Cancer with a lot of Earth sign planets, I am not naive and I have done a lot of work on myself at all levels. This is not to sound pompous but I mean to say that I am not some idiot who usually falls for unavailable men. I am not a Love Zombie and I don’t waste resources on things or people who do not deserve them. My job involves the literal handling of vast resources. Peoples livelihoods depend on me.  As a result, my consciousness is sober, you might say.

So I met this man on the Eclipse in March 2015, through work and we had to spend some time together. Chemistry so intense I was getting little electric shocks and fearing my deodorant had failed. Crisp repartee like we filled in each other’s jokes and sentences to the point that the other people in the room did not believe we had not known each other for years. And most heart breaking of all, a sense of emotionally having come home. Like he had my back.

Long story short, he is all like “I have to see you again” and I am all “of course.”  I had been cruising through my 30s with a cheerful and relaxed cynicism about men and love, not expecting to fall for anyone at all, let alone like worlds colliding.  Later I found out Pluto is opposite my Sun and Venus and on HIS Sun and Venus.  He tells me he is in a relationship that has died (his words) and that he is seeking an exit strategy. They are not married. He hates even the suburb that they live in. He asks questions about where I live, about me, about my childhood, everything.  The way a lover does. There are vague family ties we share, not that we are related but it feels karmic, like our ancestors were in love.  We talk like lovers. People at work think we are having an affair.   I stop online dating (slack as my efforts were – workaholic Virgo rising here) so I can be ‘ready’ for him.

There are texts, talking, more texts, talking (sometimes at 3 am in the morning, with him in some transit lounge or just insomniac. I try not to think about his partner asleep upstairs. That relationship is dead and him exiting is just a matter of strategy, he has assured me of that.)  I get deeply enmeshed in a complex work-business decision he has to make, my advice is pivotal. I support him through his knee operation, not literally but emotionally, telling him it is not an “old man” thing, that athletes get knee operations, all that.

For over a year I am in this relationship with the Capricorn. The fact that we are not officially together is irrelevant. He changes his work schedule to see me. We have long talks. We have some physical contact. As an ethical woman, I refuse to sleep with him – much as I want to – until he is not partnered. But emotionally, the infidelity is a done deal. He’s already ripped a big hole in the fabric of the relationship I think of as his “soon to be past” relationship.

Last week, two days after he sent me a text saying “I love you and I will see you very soon”, a work trip is canceled and so I am able to go to a fancy work function I was not meant to attend. He will be there. My teenage girlesque plan is to arrive (with him not expecting me to even be in that city) and look so drop-dead stunning he will be unable to resist being with me immediately. My preparations for this evening are bride like, my grooming bill quadrupling to the point that the bank phones me to ask if my card has been stolen. 

The Horoscope says something about delusions being busted and cozy ruts being all screwed up. I think “hah” because obviously, this is going to be the end of my singlehood or the interim phase where I am in love with the Capricorn but not with him.  I am on a huge high in the cab on the way to the event and it is very swiftly dashed. In a corner of this hotel conference room, sweaty palms gripping a flute of champagne, foolishly talking to a V.I.P. like she is a nobody because I am so distracted, I spot my Capricorn.

He is with his “partner” who is visibly about six months pregnant.  My mind races around for about 10 seconds “his sister? A colleague he is extremely fond of in a platonic way?”  But observing my line of sight, the V.I.P. I am talking to fills me in: “they just got married, I can’t believe they’re here and not on honeymoon…but then again he said to me the other day that he thinks he has been having a mid-life crisis for the last year.”

Mystic, the only good thing about that night is that I kept it together and I looked the best that I can humanly look. I did not get drunk and there were no scenes. I waved across the room at the Capricorn, making sure I was immersed in conversation all damn night, with a big fake beauty pageant grin. I left early and got drunk on my own with the cat and some shitty electronic music.

He was my soulmate and I was his mid-life crisis. I am convinced that I am not a Love Zombie because the Capricorn was giving me not just signals but actual undertakings. He would say things like “when we get our place, we will have to have solar lighting”.  It was not me deluding myself.  The problem is that I am having a hard time letting this go. I keep thinking that, because we met when Pluto was affecting both our Suns and Venus signs, it will happen again when Pluto goes direct in September? 

Then again, the BABY is due then. And no not a word from the Capricorn since that night of the delusions being nuked.

Is this a Capricorn thing? A Pluto syndrome? Help?

Moon Woman – Not A Love Zombie.

Dear Moon Woman – Not A Love Zombie,

Yes, the bedside manner of the Oracle can be appalling!  Okay, so first of all fuq him. The Capricorn I mean. He is what the relationship blogger Natalie Lue calls a Future Faker.  It is a thing and no, it does not make you a Love Zombie. You are correct – he was making like he was going to be in a relationship with you, honoring the connection between you and well, more or less BEING in a (sort of) relationship with you.

But he was not honoring you and he certainly was not honoring his – ahem – fiancee. This is the point where you pause for a moment and give thanks you are not the Capricorn’s primary partner, given that you now know what the prick is capable of.  So you’re not a Zombie but you will be if you entertain fantasies about this guy given all that has gone down.

He probably DID have strong feelings for you and enjoyed your attention, the energy between you and so on but he also made out there was a future being formed between you – imminent – when he knew there was not and presumably was just hooked on the extra emotional and sexy oomph you bought to his life. I would hate to think that there was also a professional motive here, that he could in anyway have vamped off your career or used your contacts.

So again, fuq him and do whatever it takes to exorcise him from your head. But also, Pluto opposite your Sun-Venus IS profound and maybe what this has done is arouse parts of you that you had set to “snooze” or show you the style of connection that you would value…?

And yes, the Hyper-Flux that is anchored by the Saturn Neptune square is HIGHLY effective.  I mean what would have happened here if there was not the strange synchronicity that got you to this function where the Capricorn was there parading around his presumably-not-that-close-to-ending partnership?

What does everyone else think?

 

Rose Sterile

Image: Charlie Burns

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InvictaAmpersandcortazonedizzarinaMystic Medusa Recent comment authors
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Ampersand
Ampersand

I could have written this post, so I feel for you. That was me 10 years ago, very similar situation. Not the pregnant wife bit, but a wife all the same and the potential for a relationship with me, because he was so unhappy, so unhappy. What can I tell you, other than he is still with his wife 10 years on. Not so unhappy then, huh? Well he did you over didn’t he? We all have our parts to play in this scenario though. For more part I never entertained men again who I thought had ‘potential’ or ‘potential… Read more »

Invicta
Invicta

I’m popping in here to comment because I’ve just come home from a day long workshop with the amazing Natalie Lue herself. I can’t describe what an emotional day it’s been but also how fortifying, funny and revealing The Breakthrough session was. In person, Natalie is exactly how she comes across on the podcast and in her books, only nicer, more psychically intuitive (not something she claims to be but from experience I can tell you, she picks up EVERYTHING ) compassionate, wise, honest, loving and funny. Despite learning some seriously uncomfortable truths today about myself and where I’m at… Read more »

jellybean
jellybean

I am touched deeply too. A double Libran still in aftermath of psychopathic narcissistic man. Your words have reached out to the pain of this last year with so many of the descriptions written clanging in my head. I am not alone! We are told this constantly, but to believe again. Still struggling for closure taking so many therapies. A mark, an imprint, a badge, what was i left with? I was/am a gentle butterfly that was sucked dry by a lot of this behaviour described above, like he took all the good bits from my heart and replaced them… Read more »

LeovilleMM Member
Leoville

(((Hugs))) to you and hope that your road to healing leads you to a better place……..

claudia
claudia

hi, i never post but i read the blog and comments, have done so for quite some time. moon woman, your story touched me deeply…i am sorry for the pain you are in. thank you for sharing it, apparently, it has resonated with a number of us. i too understand what you’re deep in, this situation, though different, i understand the pain. i find it interesting just how many of us have been through similar situations. if we could draw a continuum, i would be several months ahead. i would be shinning the light to show you the road, what… Read more »

Invicta
Invicta

What an awesome community.
Seriously.

TripleLMM Member
TripleL

In complete agreement with you there, Invicta.

Along with my Reiki healer & 1 or 2 close friends, you guys literally helped me to save my life in April 2014, post ZZ reverbs, too. This is the anniversary of meeting The Destroyer on June 20, 2012 … a painful day for me.

Goddess bless you all. I am still resurrecting myself, with your inspiring shares.

XXOO

LeovilleMM Member
Leoville

Moon Woman – First, big and gigantic enormous hugs to you! My heart broke as I read what happened to you. You are a very strong woman, it is obvious. You absolutely will get through this, but it will suck for a long time before you come out the other side. I love how the universe works in mysterious ways and how the universe prepared you for the evening the truth came to light. I have no doubt the reason you were able to pull off the Oscar worthy performance at the event and hold it together was because you… Read more »

fallenangelMM Member
fallenangel

Darling Moon Woman, am a bit late to this and have read through your letter as well as the excellent comments and advice in this wondrous blog that will quite literally, save your life. I know. Because it saved mine. I had my Pluto Transit explode in dramatic gut busting fashion when I found myself in a karmic relationship with a man now renowned through the blog as the Sewer (perhaps more so to long time posters than newer ones, circa pre 2013). He was a bigamist, a closeted bisexual and he slept pretty much with anyone who’d have him.… Read more »

emgMM Member
emg

You’re not fallen, you ARE an angel. xx

fallenangelMM Member
fallenangel

Bless you emg, that’s a lovely thing to be told first thing Monday morning, Thank you. xx

LeovilleMM Member
Leoville

“I was being my own soulmate for a long time” – LOVE THIS! Stay strong!

Invicta
Invicta

brilliant.
And unmistakably true. I just feel the truth from this.
I would never have known from your other comments here (I am post early 2012 but was sporadic and all over the place anyway back then) but you always come over as clear, sane, gentle and just super cool. I had no idea you’d been through such trauma fallenangel. I have to agree with Emg. You are divine.

Unicorn SparklesMM Member
Unicorn Sparkles

Reading this, I just wanted to hug you. <3

fallenangelMM Member
fallenangel

Thank you for your lovely comments darlings.. it’s been a real slog and I’d have never made it without the support of this community. I’m glad, as Invicta so sweetly pointed out, that how I come across no longer belies the trauma. I’m also reminded how many of us are wounded in similar ways, and we spend time, much precious energy, wondering and thinking – is it me, could I have done something else, etc etc? Then to be faced with the continuing imprisonment of having real time witnesses such as the loved ones and friends who were around at… Read more »

dizzarinaMM Member
dizzarina

This is such beautiful, excellent writing, full of distilled Truths.

Just lovely

cortazone
cortazone

Wow. Blown away.

Unicorn SparklesMM Member
Unicorn Sparkles

Late to this post but just wanted to say stay strong.
Been there. Not as eloquent as you.
Fell for same lies. Felt like an idiot for a long time after. But I learnt my lesson. And I realise that I chose not to see through the smoke because we all love to be loved. When you feel like you matter to someone, and you’re honest and think other is the same it messes with judgement.

flowerchild
flowerchild

I’ve just read all the enormous wisdom and support from MM and everyone on the blog, and my heart goes out to you as well, Moon Woman! As many have also suggested here, do check out Natalie Lue’s baggagereclaim.com website. The blog, the podcast, the weekly email….all of those have been helpful to me over the past couple years in dealing with some crap in relationships. She really cuts to the chase on EVERYTHING and I found it so therapeutic. This guy does sound like a narcissist…..or a sociopath! How can someone be such a cold, two-faced liar?! …..and, of… Read more »

DarkkturMM Member
Darkktur

Good thing you went to that function without warning him. You are so better off without that ass, look up NPD or narcissistic personality disorder. Freakin 5 year olds in mens bodies with mother issues…ugh! Don’t waste energy on him, get your mojo back and be grateful your not her.

8th house
8th house

Thanks for sharing Moon Woman. It’s so beautifully written. I was riveted until the end that made me sad.

Everyone has already said everything there is to be said. I feel for you.
Have nothing to add but this post has made me reflect on my own situation with unavailable men.

This Neptune / Saturn transit sure is busting all illusions. How does anyone find love in this climate?

*sad*

Centaurus
Centaurus

This made me sad and impressed at the same time. You write very well and you navigate emotional maelstroms quite well too. All I see initially is a strong soulful human navigating a difficult passage. You have what it takes to get through this and part of a successful passage to the other side is being with what is. It is an unfortunate by product that this part of the process happens to suck and feels very unfair. I feel for you. Lots of wonderful comments and generosity from everyone too. I hope they help ease the shock after feeling… Read more »

April Morning StarMM Member
April Morning Star

Dear Moon Woman. My heart reaches out to you. I too have been through this. May I say that age is no barrier to pain. I am a lot older than you and I know that when it happens we are all just little children in our hearts. My advice to you would be to seek professional counselling as hating someone that you feel is your soulmate can destroy you. Make this all about YOU not him as you can grow so much from this. If it is real love then remember love endures and he won’t forget you. Would… Read more »

em priceMM Member
em price

Moon Woman, if you are reading this, I hope you can take comfort in the fact that this man is no one’s soulmate. You will not have to pine after someone worthy. Time will pass and you’ll have emerged the victor for not being the one stuck with this particular flavor of narcissism for the rest of your life.

That said, the loss of the fantasy really stings. I have been there myself. Sending you the most grounded of healing vibes.

elsewhere
elsewhere

You dodged a bullet.

Capricorns are the most sexually devious, I reckon.

Pothos917MM Member
Pothos917

Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this Mystic Mx <3
it's actually, as i told you in an email, why i signed up for your website.

"Love is a wicked little hook that snatches people unawares."

Lux Interior Is My Co-PilotMM Member
Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

How bang-on is the tarot eh? 🙂

Lux Interior Is My Co-PilotMM Member
Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

Wow Moon Woman, I have so much respect for you!

Well done on not sleeping with him too!

It is so great that you turned up when you did, and kept your composure! Amazing.

I also discovered this site during an obsessed phase. Delusion busting is a wonderful thing!

Fuck the Future Faker, and get on with building your own future.

Triple air gem
Triple air gem

Having been Capricorned in a similar way, I totally feel you. I think because they’re caps that we think they’re supposed to be solid and trust worthy types. The emotional betrayal is hard to take.
You handled it with way more grace than I did!
Respect, lady!

All the advice given here is spot on. Take it as a sign that you are epic and capable of ‘great’ love and move on with your awesome self. We’re all rooting for you and sending love xx

kriblackMM Member
kriblack

Moon Woman and Mystic, thank you so much for sharing this story. Your title, “he was my soulmate, I was his mid-life crisis” and the concept of future fakers has shed enormous light on my own on-again, off-again relationship (now thankfully permanently off the last 4 years).

Much support for your eventual recovery and much gratitude for your part in my own recovery.

Pothos917MM Member
Pothos917

Love Zombie here… my eyes were drawn to read this… FUCKKKKK… i thought my situation was bad. LOTS & LOTS of LOVE to you Moon Woman <3 xoxoxoxox

bbvMM Member
bbv

I thank you for this letter, for this post, opening this page this morning in fathers day and having gone through a similar scenario, this letter has given me comfort that love is love and you honor the love you feel and felt but now you are free to be back loving yourself even more! Thank you for sharing we all the ones who know how to honor love and our feeling will prevail against any Future Faker.
Love you.

saggenieMM Member
saggenie

This is unbelievable. What a holy mess. I can understand that some people will go as far out of their norm in order to get more attention / love, and then stop when it’s convenient for them, but DAMN. This is completely synchronistic for me as I had an extremely similar thing JUST happen to me and am getting over it. A totally intense, finishing-sentences rapport with my very married with children boss. It felt like we had known each other for ever. Nothing happened, it was just a pleasant crush but still excruciating at the end. the moral I… Read more »

bbvMM Member
bbv

Love prevails! same story, glad to hear I am not alone.

Maxene SchreckMM Member
Maxene Schreck

Shame, shame on that Capricorn. My guess is that he truly does have feelings for you but doesn’t have the balls to make the life changes necessary to be with you. He is trying to save face and maintain his image with his wife but she’s just a “beard” in a sense.

Like MM said just be glad you are not in her shoes. You are free and will love again, they will be forever tied down in a sham of a marriage. An obvious facade.

Maxene SchreckMM Member
Maxene Schreck

Shame, shame on that Capricorn. My guess is that he truly does have feelings for you but doesn’t have the balls to make the life changes necessary to be with you. He is trying to save face and maintain his image with his fiancé but she’s just a “beard” in a sense.

Like MM said just be glad you are not in her shoes. You are free and will love again, they are soon to be forever tied down in a sham of a marriage. An obvious facade.

TripleLMM Member
TripleL

My dear, MW. As a fellow commiserator mentioned, you are most assuredly in the right & proper arena for some virtual therapy. I believe what has happened to you (& to many of us here, myself included), is a blend of fate & free will. You chose this path, but The Divine had your back … you were meant to see the truth about this empty vessel, vis-à-vis, with the pieces falling into place to allow it. When it happened to me, my heart & soul blown apart, Pluto was squaring my Mars/Venus. It was ugly. And brutal. When I… Read more »

LiberatingVenusMM Member
LiberatingVenus

Welcome to Hades; you’ve just had yourself a Plutonic Love Experience (PLE) – my name is LiberatingVenus and I’ll be your Ferrywoman on this tour OUT of the Land of The Damned. You will find the exit located directly above your head, and the ascent – although painful – both enriching and empowering. This I can assure you! Darling, you must be gutted! Sending you a big virtual hug from across the interwebz <3 God, I don’t know where to start…. I know what it’s like to be the one negotiating an exit strategy from an LTR that has many… Read more »

Invicta
Invicta

Moon Woman So I read the whole email, rather than scanning it nervously and skipping up and down fact checking:) and I can say for sure that yes, he WILL be contacting you in September. It will probably go something like this “I’ve just become a father. I feel so fortunate and want to be the best father/ man/ womble I can be and be faithful etc, live by example etc. This communication will include a heartbreaking apology followed by the “this one time at band camp” story about how someone hurt him long ago and now he is “conflicted”.… Read more »

saggenieMM Member
saggenie

sounds dead on invicta!

bbvMM Member
bbv

So good! “this one time at band camp” LMAO!!!

Pisces with Sagg Rising
Pisces with Sagg Rising

I must remember to use the word “womble” more often. LOL.

Sage advice though – I wish I had that advice a few years back

Invicta
Invicta

Ha ha
thanks PIABs
Yes, I’ll try to use womble in a sentence today.
The “one time at band camp” meme is trickier to slip into convos but when I can it is so worth it!
xxxx

Invicta
Invicta

Wow, I couldn’t even read the whole email (just was so familiar it could have been me writing- as in KNEE SURGERY? WHEN? omg it’s my lz crush, oh no wait, he’s not Capricorn type racing thoughts ) before skipping down to read MM’s take and YES! She tells you about Natalie Lue in the first few sentences. Genius. Because it would have been my prescription too (so naturally it’s genius:) Wow, well done for holding your own that night and not reacting / unravelling until you got home. I don’t know how you managed but well done. Future faking… Read more »

emgMM Member
emg

You just made me laugh If you read above my future faker came back three years later, it was all about his kids blah blah. I can honestly say now, looking back he was the biggest disappointment I ever ever had in my life. Massive attraction, huge electricity, chemistry etc but sex was crap, as he simply couldn’t commit to any intimacy. So so disappointing. This is literally 18 years ago it started and now I wouldn’t bother saying hi if I passed him in the street Just not worth the energy. Others have been an utter nightmare but you… Read more »

Invicta
Invicta

Ah Emg So sorry you had to experience that. sounds like you/we’re not alone tho eh? it IS creepy how although, yes we are all different but how similar our experiences seem to be. I never had sex with my future faking ex zombie crush pseudo soulmate but I may as well have for all the energy I put into that “relationship” I – and this is just me, but I can now see that it was convenient for me to cling to him for so long as I got to slip my emotional availability issues in under the door… Read more »

emgMM Member
emg

You ascend at galactic centre ??? It’s my mid heaven !!!!!

Invicta
Invicta

Yup.
Happy full moon 🙂

emgMM Member
emg

It’s been good actually. A good vibe and a feeling of strength. Go us!!

airseagoat
airseagoat

Cancer thank the universe for its blessing, not for the slow burn deception of a lower cap, but for the revelatory illumination of parts of yourself that are hidden to you. You said in your preamble that you are not naive and that you don’t pursue unavailable men. And yet at some point he told you that he was unavailable, and still you continued when the discerning (Virgo) approach would have been to say, “oh that’s a shame, look me up if you’re ever free…” and move on. Some part of you craves a proper relationship but in this case… Read more »

aquasunrise
aquasunrise

I think this is very practical advice, hard hitting and lateral.

ChrysalisMM Member
Chrysalis

I had tears in my eyes reading this because I was in a similar situ a few years ago. I feel your pain, Moon Woman – the pain of spending hundreds on psychics/readers and desperate for someone to say, ‘Yes he will be back and it will be on this day.’ The feelings of shame around the e-stalkery. Can I say though that you tell your story with such honesty and dignity. Kudos to you for this. It will help immeasurably in your healing. If you are Virgo rising, do you have a Pisces 7th house? If so you have… Read more »

leolizaMM Member
leoliza

Does this shit happen to men? Do women fake future them?? Damn, I hope so. I guess in all my years I’ve mostly heard of all the men ‘midlife crisis affairs’….most of the women I know my age are dealing with aging parents/out of work adult children/care of grandchildren..all the nasty, necessary midlife crisis that keep them too busy to f*ck around. btw Happy Father’s Day! lol

Annabelle
Annabelle

What a mother fkr Seriously. Lots of lessons to be learnt here How plutonic is all of this ? I feel this will stay with you for a while and perhaps all the lessons you’re supposed to learn won’t become visible for a while to come But you are a strong woman And you are not a love zombie You honoured your feelings but perhaps there were signals you can’t hear/feel/see when you have such a strong strong connection Karmic for sure This will change you For the better but you may not know or feel that way yet Sending… Read more »

Virgo EllieMM Member
Virgo Ellie

Dear Moon Woman, You write so beautifully well. I was entranced with your well written description of what I thought was a cinderella story. My heart sank when I got to the end. However, you was so polished to be present without a flinch of destruction seeing him and his partner. So, Yes you dodged a HUGE bullet and be Thankful. It will take some time to grieve this loss. But time will let you see more that will help you understand the meaning of this meet-up. Has he contacted you at all since? Did he see you at the… Read more »

Virgo EllieMM Member
Virgo Ellie

I also have to say and I say this when I read stories like this is grab those feelings you felt with him and store them in your bank for the next adventure. Don’t hate, be angry or discouraged. He unfortunately gave you a lift in spirit in wanting to be with someone and I do believe that it bleeds into the Universe to bring you someone else.

Year of the PhoenixMM Member
Year of the Phoenix

My heart goes out to you…. have been future faked myself and it HURTS. You can’t believe the nice things they told you cause it’s all lies. How can someone look you in the eyes while lying through their teeth. I don’t want castles in the sky, give me the brutal truth any day.

LindseyMM Member
Lindsey

Take a holiday, get the hell OUT of familiar surroundings, waaaaay out! Kinda like a shortened 21st C version of the grand tour the Victorians took for the same reasons. It worked wonders for me when the same thing happened when Pluto was square my Venus. But Mystic is right regarding her comment about awakening something that was in ‘snooze’ mode. That was one of the lasting benefits of my experience. That intense connection stoked a fire in me that remains and positively affects my life. It also taught me that real love does NOT involve obsession of any description.… Read more »

AriesMoonMM Member
AriesMoon

Wow hugs to you. I was enthralled by the whole story & in pieces at the end! Ouch. Fellow virgo sun here…You are indeed not a love zombie, us virgos have the most rational perspective and do not miss the details or vibes. Assessment of the situation on point. Ability to function in a highly charged situation & keep it together. Amazing. From being spurned by a multi-capricorn man before… Lets just say the hearing nothing from him part is completely capricorn emotional shut down. They errect walls of iron to protect their public persona. They can all always be… Read more »

MutableMabel
MutableMabel

Ugh. My stomach hurts for you. What a story, and the way you’ve told it is so lucid and blunt. I think these major traumatic love events happen sometimes to remind us that we want more out of life. You said you’d been fairly happily single for awhile beforehand, right? Maybe this was a wake up call: let love in. Extra hard to do after you’ve just had your heart stomped on but I think that is actually the point and the task at hand. I also think that when you’re gearing up to be ready for a real partner… Read more »

The Venus FlyMM Member
The Venus Fly

My male Capricorn friends are THE most loyal spouses. However all my past ones were toxic as fuck. That is where I was subconsciously and they future faked. The last 6 years was cold turkey to develop discipline which I have yet still I think too much. But at least I no longer act on LZ urges – evolution! 🙂

Libra9MM Member
Libra9

Excellent. I’ve had a few single years to learn to not do my usual fall for the impossible. I did meet someone gorgeous, but of course he was married (for the second time). He ended up giving me better advice than any of my friends, family, colleagues or paid listeners. Everyone does come into our lives for a reason. We need to stop and think of the life lesson sometimes.

Annica
Annica

Omg your story crushes me Moon Woman. And no you are not a LZ. This dude is probably a bit of a sociopath as he is clearly manipulating multiple people. I think i read somewhere that you can suspect someone might be if they always have a relationship before starting the next one. They need someone to drain constantly. You got lucky even if it didnt feel like it. How old was this guy? Did he even want children? I myself was in one of those sort-of relationships too. I never meant to love this guy but it ended up… Read more »

bluestar
bluestar

I could be completely wrong, but it sounds as though there was a ‘contract’ between you too. He looked after you when you were very physically frail, as he ‘owed’ you from another life. You recovered, so the contract has dissolved.
You could try deeply thanking him internally, and allow you both to dissolve or unhook from each other.
This will provide Freedom.
If the relationship is really meant to continue, it will, but free from bondage. If it isn’t you will both take your own path but with a lighter load and no regrets.

annica
annica

Thanks for mentioning that to me about the contract thing. I am doing that. I am clearing out clutter that I had in regards to him. If we are meant to hook up again, we will. but for now, I want to direct my energy to the Gem in my life and stop feeling so guilty that I am having fun for the first time in 5 years.

leogroover
leogroover

Moon woman
Thats a cruel kick in guts and a get over it slap in face all at the time. Ouch. Tough lesson but you must be tough enough to handle it or it would not have happened.

Starsky
Starsky

At the risk of being on the outer of this comment thread. I must say although the blokes actions were deplorable it’s possible he was really into moon woman, perhaps falling for her but due to western societies standards (see judgement and/or capitalism) he felt he couldn’t leave his partner. It’s no excuse because a strong man/person should follow their heart but y’know society really casts heavy judgements on that kind of behaviour. I find this story sad for Moon Woman and the bloke. Also massive props to her for not having a breakdown at the function and maintaining composure!

davidlMM Member
davidl

I see your point but I don’t really see this being the problem here. I agree that love happens in the most inopportune times and that societal pressures play a role in decisions of this nature but if there is respect and love there is no need for lies ? A trustworthy respectful person would lay it out as it is. Would attempt to explain himself, not lie about creating a life together etc and withhold crucial information. This guy proved by his behaviour that his intentions were not honorable, or ever were. This is not about unrequited love or… Read more »

emgMM Member
emg

I’ve suffered this just like moon woman and it’s the absolute pits. I understand serena’s statement totally as three years later he emailed out of the blue to ‘explain’ himself. It took him that long to fully understand what happened for him over the time we saw each other. But I also agree with david that he really should have been more realistic in what he could and couldn’t manage now or in the future. You’ll digest this and I do hope that your heart is open to what can be and has looked at cynicism as being just another… Read more »

embarkons7
embarkons7

Yes, I agree with you and Serena: the nastiest, most insidious kind of delusion is self delusion and it seems like that majorly figured in his actions, which makes him subject for empathy, though not forgiveness.

Aquarianne
Aquarianne

“A trustworthy respectful person would lay it out as it is. Would attempt to explain himself, not lie about creating a life together”

Well said.

PandoraMM Member
Pandora

Dear Cancer Woman, I have met Caps like this, and decent Caps (even amongst the most decent of whom, the “I use” that someone mentioned above operates like a sub-script in the background. Particularly now they have Pluto onside, which is outing many of them, and propelling many into the stratosphere of the “success” they so desperately want). But my guess is that this is a Narcissist thing. His. I doubt you were his mid-life crisis. I doubt you ever mattered to him at all, except that he needed something from you (biz deal advice, adoration while his S.O was… Read more »

Invicta
Invicta

That is extremely insightful Pandora
I’m going to read up on Narcissists, coverts, overts, the cycles and the narcissistic supply now.
Its exactly the information I needed.
Thank you!
xx

Invicta
Invicta

Pandora I’ve spent the past few hours reading about NPD and recovery from the trauma of being in a relationship with someone who has it and it made so much sense. Thank you. I always wondered why this last one was so difficult to break up with and why even after 3 months of no contact, he’d know exactly when and how to come lovebombing back into my psyche and why invariably the gaslighting would start too. The cyclical nature of the relationship was so depleting but I never understood why it was like that until now. I assumed it… Read more »

PandoraMM Member
Pandora

Hey gorgeous Invicta I hadn’t checked back on this post but I have heaps – literally heaps of stuff – I can send you on this, because I have been deeply immersed in it – revelations galore – ie that there are coverts, and their tactics for several months. I too think this is highly relevant to you, having followed your posts over the last few years. We have more in common than you may think, on so many levels. Too many links to great stuff to put here – I will ask Mystic to give you access to my… Read more »

Invicta
Invicta

Oh wow.
I just woke up to an email from the lovely Andalusia on your behalf. I’ve passed on my work and personal email and am so touched by the emotional generosity.
Thank you.
This kindness reflects the beacon of sanity that Mystic consistently generates for all of us.
x

Invicta
Invicta

Hey Pandora
Not sure if you’re checking back on this post.
It’s unlikely but I wanted to say hi.
I did pass on my details to Andalusia so any time you’re ready, I’d love to check out that info you mentioned.
Bought several books of NPD and while they are interesting and informative, there isn’t much about covert narcissists and how to deal with and spot that better.
Hope all is good with you.
xxx

LauraBloomifyMM Member
LauraBloomify

So sorry you went through this, Moon Woman, but, seriously, you dodged a bullet here.

davidlMM Member
davidl

I’ve never heard of future faking ? Though I can see the strategy. It’s nothIng new. In fact it’s textbook sales strategy 101. A strategy that I’ve used to close business for years. In sales language it’s called ‘assumptive selling’. The idea is that when you present to a prospective client you talk as if the deal is already done. You talk about issues that may arise, say in 12 months time. You talk about the things that will come after.. It’s very powerful actually. By assuming it’s already a done deal the prospect starts feeling the same way. He… Read more »

LauraBloomifyMM Member
LauraBloomify

What a beautiful response.

StarlushMM Member
Starlush

Exactly!

StarlushMM Member
Starlush

Sending love to you Moon Woman. You are love and your love will only heal your love. I think that’s why this all happened. You needed to heal yourself first and you have true love now knowing you can.

Centaurus
Centaurus

Nice to ‘see you David! 😀

And well said.

PorkchopMM Member
Porkchop

Dear Moon Woman, Welcome – you have come to the right place! I went through something similar with a guy from work. Strong attraction, lunches together, lots of fun emails back and forth. Then casually mentions he has a partner and she is five months pregnant. I do some internet searching and find her instagram account and they look like they have a perfect hipster life together. Sigh. It was the first guy I had liked in five years, after getting out of a 10 year relationship around my Saturn return (me dumped, devastated). Work guy was was around 40… Read more »

The Venus FlyMM Member
The Venus Fly

Future Fakers – how could I have forgotten that description? They come in so many forms from the outright to the oblique but they are all cut from the same cloth and they all love the ATTENTION, not you. I think quite a few of us are shaking off remnants of FF’s. Even my last LZ crush was one on the low and what sucks is that I knew it from the jump, forgot about him while he chased me when he saw me than when I turned around because I thought I read him wrong he went a-running. Except… Read more »

Aqua-cap-Gemini
Aqua-cap-Gemini

I did not know they had a name – future faker. Wow. Thanks for helping me name the past year & a bit of my life.
But back to the situation – you are much better off now. You will suddenly find strengths you knew you had but didn’t full appreciate. Whatever delusion or negative crutch you had will suddenly drop away.
You’re about to become a butterfly – but you had to realise what you weren’t first.
Power to you moon woman x

aquasunrise
aquasunrise

“You will find strengths you knew you had (maybe ones even unrealised?) but didn’t fully appreciate…” Is this like innocence without any guile? I relate, and if I could impart anything possibly worthwhile it would be – were there any possible clues, that were missed? Or rather what was not there, that may be a clue? But importantly I think it interesting that sometimes people become enamoured by someone they perceive as valuing them greatly or mirroring back a kind of validity they could not get previously… And its my experience that maybe I was possibly vulnerable b/c I did… Read more »

aquasunrise
aquasunrise

Aqua-cap-gemini I agree, below was for moon woman, but yes – about to become a butterfly is a lovely way to think of all this…thank you x

SheRatMM Member
SheRat

I didn’t know they had a name either–and likewise, this explains the stupid dance I’ve had for two years (ended a year ago) with (also) a much older gentleman. Thankfully, he proved untrustworthy within the month and so I consciously never set up any life plans around him….but we’d get close and then he’d run cold, get close then run cold–and TOTALLY acted like it was just me making more out of it than he had. I’d be like, um, do you want to SEE the emails? There’s written, verifiable proof. WTAF? Who *are* these people? I had no idea… Read more »

kava
kava

Moon Woman – YES GIRL. Kudos for surviving with even a modicum of grace. Obsession is part of the grieving/healing so you sound like you are where you should be. And here is the best place for thriving through weird out of character transits! Huge hugs and believe in what you know- that HE was the one doing the dirt. As a Capricorn- I say tell his wife, anonymously even, but that is perhaps another bombshell to take on- maybe wait for a Lilith transit 😉 I was in a relationship with a future faker as well- I moved across… Read more »

Libra9MM Member
Libra9

Wow. Ups to you. That’s a massive change to make and I’m glad you are thriving.

The Venus FlyMM Member
The Venus Fly

Happened to me twice – thrive on 🙂

SkellieMM Member
Skellie

It was quite surreal reading this as something similar happened to me (also as older capricorn). We had quite a bit of contact at work and it took me a year after everything ended to change jobs and cities, wish I had moved sooner! Thinking of you Moon Woman.
Mystic, future faker is the perfect description!

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