As I see you sometimes answer the questions of other subscribers in the blog, I am hoping you can help with mine. Embarrassingly, I found this site looking for “insights” or, more accurately, “dirt” on a man I have become obsessed with.
Sadly, I mean obsessed like the way teenage girls get obsessed. I wrote his name out a hundred times the other night, like a mantra. But I am not a teen. I am in my late thirties. You would die if you saw my search history. I found you with a search term like “if you met on an eclipse are Cancer woman Capricorn man soulmates”.
So I signed up hoping for a “he will come back to you on July 10” reading and then found a lot more, including (lol) the Love Zombie stuff. The horoscopes have given me non-preachy strength but the Oracle just told me to “get a grip.” Even the Tarot is all Swords, end of days, mourn your losses and move on. Honestly, I agree and I am thankful for the information, even though it hurts.
As a Cancer with a lot of Earth sign planets, I am not naive and I have done a lot of work on myself at all levels. This is not to sound pompous but I mean to say that I am not some idiot who usually falls for unavailable men. I am not a Love Zombie and I don’t waste resources on things or people who do not deserve them. My job involves the literal handling of vast resources. Peoples livelihoods depend on me. As a result, my consciousness is sober, you might say.
So I met this man on the Eclipse in March 2015, through work and we had to spend some time together. Chemistry so intense I was getting little electric shocks and fearing my deodorant had failed. Crisp repartee like we filled in each other’s jokes and sentences to the point that the other people in the room did not believe we had not known each other for years. And most heart breaking of all, a sense of emotionally having come home. Like he had my back.
Long story short, he is all like “I have to see you again” and I am all “of course.” I had been cruising through my 30s with a cheerful and relaxed cynicism about men and love, not expecting to fall for anyone at all, let alone like worlds colliding. Later I found out Pluto is opposite my Sun and Venus and on HIS Sun and Venus. He tells me he is in a relationship that has died (his words) and that he is seeking an exit strategy. They are not married. He hates even the suburb that they live in. He asks questions about where I live, about me, about my childhood, everything. The way a lover does. There are vague family ties we share, not that we are related but it feels karmic, like our ancestors were in love. We talk like lovers. People at work think we are having an affair. I stop online dating (slack as my efforts were – workaholic Virgo rising here) so I can be ‘ready’ for him.
There are texts, talking, more texts, talking (sometimes at 3 am in the morning, with him in some transit lounge or just insomniac. I try not to think about his partner asleep upstairs. That relationship is dead and him exiting is just a matter of strategy, he has assured me of that.) I get deeply enmeshed in a complex work-business decision he has to make, my advice is pivotal. I support him through his knee operation, not literally but emotionally, telling him it is not an “old man” thing, that athletes get knee operations, all that.
For over a year I am in this relationship with the Capricorn. The fact that we are not officially together is irrelevant. He changes his work schedule to see me. We have long talks. We have some physical contact. As an ethical woman, I refuse to sleep with him – much as I want to – until he is not partnered. But emotionally, the infidelity is a done deal. He’s already ripped a big hole in the fabric of the relationship I think of as his “soon to be past” relationship.
Last week, two days after he sent me a text saying “I love you and I will see you very soon”, a work trip is canceled and so I am able to go to a fancy work function I was not meant to attend. He will be there. My teenage girlesque plan is to arrive (with him not expecting me to even be in that city) and look so drop-dead stunning he will be unable to resist being with me immediately. My preparations for this evening are bride like, my grooming bill quadrupling to the point that the bank phones me to ask if my card has been stolen.
The Horoscope says something about delusions being busted and cozy ruts being all screwed up. I think “hah” because obviously, this is going to be the end of my singlehood or the interim phase where I am in love with the Capricorn but not with him. I am on a huge high in the cab on the way to the event and it is very swiftly dashed. In a corner of this hotel conference room, sweaty palms gripping a flute of champagne, foolishly talking to a V.I.P. like she is a nobody because I am so distracted, I spot my Capricorn.
He is with his “partner” who is visibly about six months pregnant. My mind races around for about 10 seconds “his sister? A colleague he is extremely fond of in a platonic way?” But observing my line of sight, the V.I.P. I am talking to fills me in: “they just got married, I can’t believe they’re here and not on honeymoon…but then again he said to me the other day that he thinks he has been having a mid-life crisis for the last year.”
Mystic, the only good thing about that night is that I kept it together and I looked the best that I can humanly look. I did not get drunk and there were no scenes. I waved across the room at the Capricorn, making sure I was immersed in conversation all damn night, with a big fake beauty pageant grin. I left early and got drunk on my own with the cat and some shitty electronic music.
He was my soulmate and I was his mid-life crisis. I am convinced that I am not a Love Zombie because the Capricorn was giving me not just signals but actual undertakings. He would say things like “when we get our place, we will have to have solar lighting”. It was not me deluding myself. The problem is that I am having a hard time letting this go. I keep thinking that, because we met when Pluto was affecting both our Suns and Venus signs, it will happen again when Pluto goes direct in September?
Then again, the BABY is due then. And no not a word from the Capricorn since that night of the delusions being nuked.
Is this a Capricorn thing? A Pluto syndrome? Help?
Moon Woman – Not A Love Zombie.
Dear Moon Woman – Not A Love Zombie,
Yes, the bedside manner of the Oracle can be appalling! Okay, so first of all fuq him. The Capricorn I mean. He is what the relationship blogger Natalie Lue calls a Future Faker. It is a thing and no, it does not make you a Love Zombie. You are correct – he was making like he was going to be in a relationship with you, honoring the connection between you and well, more or less BEING in a (sort of) relationship with you.
But he was not honoring you and he certainly was not honoring his – ahem – fiancee. This is the point where you pause for a moment and give thanks you are not the Capricorn’s primary partner, given that you now know what the prick is capable of. So you’re not a Zombie but you will be if you entertain fantasies about this guy given all that has gone down.
He probably DID have strong feelings for you and enjoyed your attention, the energy between you and so on but he also made out there was a future being formed between you – imminent – when he knew there was not and presumably was just hooked on the extra emotional and sexy oomph you bought to his life. I would hate to think that there was also a professional motive here, that he could in anyway have vamped off your career or used your contacts.
So again, fuq him and do whatever it takes to exorcise him from your head. But also, Pluto opposite your Sun-Venus IS profound and maybe what this has done is arouse parts of you that you had set to “snooze” or show you the style of connection that you would value…?
And yes, the Hyper-Flux that is anchored by the Saturn Neptune square is HIGHLY effective. I mean what would have happened here if there was not the strange synchronicity that got you to this function where the Capricorn was there parading around his presumably-not-that-close-to-ending partnership?
What does everyone else think?
Image: Charlie Burns
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