Astrology For The Lovelorn

Solve Sundsbo

Astrology love compatibility queries generally fall into five different camps. And they can be broadly answered with five distinct responses!

(1) Unrequited Love Agony. The unique hell of encountering your perfect-for-you, Everything person only they are not available for intimacy. Or they could be, but they are not reciprocating.  But surely the Sun-Moon (or whatever) synastry is strong enough to make this manifest? Or, if it is never to be, why does it feel so potent? Is it psycho to do some sort of a, you know, ritual?

(2) The Great Escapees.  They are stuck in a relationship that comes off more like an emotional gulag. Given the fragility, sulking in restaurants and terse attempts at so-called sex, surely there is some planetary juju en route that will blow the thing to kingdom come without the querent having to do anything? Or is the accelerating disrespect and quiet hissing in supermarket aisles to be considered normal for a long-term relationship? 

The Five Main Astrology Love Compatibility Questions Answered

(3) Drought Phobia. The fear of there being nobody to pair-bond with, ever. They have worked on themselves and are ready for a balanced and mature, adult relationship. Rapport and chemistry, tender frivolity, movie dates, supporting mutual goals, nothing nuts. But the tundra is bare. Nobody seems to be presenting themselves. Is it time to devote oneself to art/cats/yoga/charity work/psycho workaholic moves and give up on, sob, love?

(4) Shame & Blame. What the fuq is up with the people of X zodiac sign? Why have I dated ten million of them in a row who are all precisely the same? Seriously, can we please take OUT the part of my birth chart that means X sign is the only one interested. Apart from celebrity X, i think the whole Sun Sign is scum. We should make it so that nobody can ever conceive one again. I am happy to pay for your advice on this. Oops, wait, he’s calling, omg.

(5) Fear of Love Devaluing.  I am happy in love with snooky-boo-boo, whom i adore so much but terrified that it won’t last. What makes a relationship never end in astrology? Is there something that helps to tell you which last and which don’t?

From Love Drought Phobia To Emotional Gulags – The Five Answers

(1) Is it a repeated pattern to yearn for people who are not going to be hogging your blanket or leaving their grotty socks on the floor anytime soon? It could be a subliminal technique to score space and retain mystery/avoid intimacy. Astrologically, this falls under Neptune. The shamanic planet evokes love feelings most people would associate more with a religion. Look to your natal Neptune, Neptune by transit and of course, substantial Neptune aspects between the two people. Sometimes, people meet & have a primary connection but cannot be together straight away for reasons of practicality. However, you can’t lurk about in a state of zombie fixation, waiting for this day to come or consulting the Oracle/Tarot ten times a day.  Get real with yourself and dispel foggy confusion around what you want. If it’s to be single, take out the zombie romances. Or, if you’re after a proper relationship, remove the time-wasters. 

(2) Would-be Great Escapees are often hoping that something or someone will come along and spring them. A long shot like winning the Lottery or that a soulmate appears who also has a house and removalists ready.  Anything but the grind of unraveling a long-standing relationship with probably shared offspring, resources, friends, and assets. But generally speaking, the next big eclipse or Pluto blast will be a catalyst.  And if you take a good look at your natal chart, the chances are that Uranus or Pluto is buzzing about, making you sense just how far you’ve strayed away from your core self.

Dying relationships and the artifice you’re spending trying to keep them half-alive are energy vampires. You do need to escape, but the process will involve Saturn work: therapy, financial independence, and accepting reality. But anything is better than an emotional gulag. 

Transformative Love Transits Don’t Necessarily Begin “Romantically.”

(3) There ARE certain times when romance/meeting prospective partners is more likely. It would make sense to leave the process to fate for most of the time but time your assertive love-finding efforts for the most potent romance transits.  If you think about it, a business-like approach to the dilemma should yield results. Wait for a fabulous transit and then meet as many people as possible within that time, refusing to waste any time at all on players and future fakers. Do your internal work on the requirements. What is/is not a deal-breaker? Try to get the optimal balance between harsh cynicism and foolish naivety. Neither work. 

(4) The chances are that you’re attracting this X Sun Sign because you have something to learn off them. Drill down to the critical trait of X and consider whether this is something YOU own but are not so good at expressing or dealing with. Or look at the part of your birth chart represented by X and do that in the highest style that you can muster. Bam. Problem sorted.  Turn your phone off, treat the whole thing less like theatre sports, and go to yoga or kick-boxing.  

After Uranus Opposition, You Won’t Want To Surrender Your Identity Into An “Us” Without Good Reason

(5) It can be heartbreaking, but relationships have eras. They’re often linked to the Outer Planets cycles. Uranus is seven years, and Pluto eras go for about 14 years. The seven-year itch is real, but longer relationships often sync to Pluto. A relationship or friendship that was perfect for one era may not align with the next. And to stay in it past time could stagnate the energy of both people. Saturn bonds between people are not usually considered romantic, but they often indicate enduring relationships. 

Astrology love compatibility is more complicated than it seems. We are not static creatures, and the process of individuation that occurs at Uranus Opposition (age 38 to 42) usually ensures people are determined not to settle. Or surrender their unique identity into an “us” without good reason.

THOUGHTS?

 

Twin Peaks

Images: Solve SundsboTwin Peaks/Audrey Horne

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cynthiaMM Member
cynthia

I have usefully spent the morning seeing where I am and have been all those 5 love lorn categories in my time and to this very moment; and then, thanks to this posting, in an attempt to transcend these places of Earth schooling, I did a very comprehensive sweep of the transiting North Node through my life. Since I have Saturn at 28 degrees Virgo conjunct the South Node in 7th house (I am so justified in this meticulous erotic ground-sweep) I then perceived “karmic” knots every time the North Node transited. No, no longer a knotted rope whip to… Read more »

alchemy-saltMM Member
alchemy-salt

Okay, I am like…the living definition of #1. Like, you could use me as a case study. I flinched reading the bit about falling for unavailable people because it allows me to retain mystique because HI YES THAT IS ME.

My Neptune is in Capricorn (along with like…most of the rest of my chart.) I am still pretty illiterate when it comes to reading charts – can anyone with a little more expertise help me out here? (Well aware that the form of help I need may well just be someone telling me to get a grip.)

Mara Aispuro
Mara Aispuro

I’ve been all of them…. Repeatedly.
Now I want something like this…

You can connect from all kinds of places- energetic harmony, sexual alchemy, intellectual alignment- but they won’t sustain love over a lifetime. You need a thread that goes deeper, that moves below and beyond the shifting sands of compatibility. That thread is fascination- a genuine fascination with someone’s inner world, the way they organize reality, the way they hearticulate their feelings, the unfathomable and bottomless depths of their being. To hear their soul cry out to you again and again, and to never lose interest….
~J.Brown/uncommon bond

ElectroMM Member
Electro

Hello, my name is Electro and I have a Moon Neptune conjunction. Yep, every time I read love references to Neptune, as in number 1, I laugh out loud. All I can say is that I thank my lucky stars that my delusions have ultimately brought me life changing experiences, boundary boot camp, and a diamond in the rough husband that I really shouldn’t have given the time of day to in my 20’s, but indeed is a stellar human being and fantastic mate. All I can say is ride it out, do not spill the motha fuqing beans unless… Read more »

dizzarinaMM Member
dizzarina

Haha- my name is dizzarina and I have a Moon-Neptune conjunction as well… and I appreciate your sharing here- I’m just gettting to the place where I am focusing on myself and not feeling that craving for the Other. It’s quite a good place to be, but the proof will be in the pudding, i.e. when I next get into a relationship. #1 on the above list is the one I’ve had to grapple with.

Jokerman
Jokerman

Hi my name is PF and lm Moon Asc trine Scorp Nep Sq Aqua Moon and lm all over the shop.

flowerchild
flowerchild

I agree with gquoll above……this is GOLD, MM! You nailed it and pretty much covered ALL the possibilities of love or “love” dysfunction. You, and folks on this site have been my main therapists and educators on these topics the last few years. Really validating stuff! My seethe continues today……SO looking forward to Mercury direct, full moon passing, and getting on with things next week! All the retro has brought up thoughts of ex-lover for, I think, one final round of purge of the entire thing…….SO MUCH ANGER! …..some of which is anger at myself, but I’m working through it… Read more »

gquoll
gquoll

This is GOLD. Many involuntary nods, grimaces and wry smiles over the muesli this morning. Mystic, you are a genius. Thanks for getting it real.

Krissy
Krissy

This definitely made it to my Mystic’s Top 10 Posts!!! Say, why don’t you make a blog with your most-read posts? I bet the readers would enjoy it 🙂

Maxene Schreck
Maxene Schreck

I often fear that I will never be happy because I am obsessed with the honey moon period of the relationship and spend the rest of it longing for that feeling again. I understand that it’s not how things actually work and I’ve been trying to find ways to accept it. I don’t want to lose out on great partners simply because I have unrealistic expectations. I think my Pisces moon could be to blame? I’m also so obsessed with relationships that I tend to put them above everything and then get mad when my partner is not as obsessed… Read more »

lilopinpinMM Member
lilopinpin

hmm i feel very similarly to you…
im rarely alone for a long time.. and men fall in love with me fast. my life is about relationships.. sun and venus conjunct in 7th… but in sagittarius… geesh.. i will need to find an adventurer of the world that will take me on all his trips.. and my moon in leo loves the efforts the man puts in the honeymoon phase…
what house does your sun fall into?

Stellaby
Stellaby

12th Neptune in the middle of a Cap Stellium…
…with Nep (& all Stellium planets) squaring a knackered 8th Libra Moon. I feel like Raphael peering out of the sewer grate and thinkin’ of April O’Neil..

What can I say. “I love bein’ a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle”..? As if.

aquasunrise
aquasunrise

Well I am having my chiron return…my partnership is past two decades but there have been periods of terrible war, crisis and then deep love, actual real growth. There is a strong venus sextile saturn link from my 5th to his 9th…At the moment pluto is sitting exactly on my venus, and mercury is about to station on his saturn… But chiron is opposite his pluto, and my mars conjunct chiron 7th is tired…there is a trine to neptune to help 3rd, scorpio. We are tied by death; more recently by being parents. Its probably not forever; I don’t think… Read more »

PiMM Member
Pi

I’ve been thinking about the first one a lot. the “why doesn’t he call” one, ahem… haha. In relation to the Capricorn of yestersomething. It wasn’t an instant “i knew it”- that he was a Person Of Interest. It kind of dawned on me and then it was “oh, sh-t.” Neptune you say MM Here’s the other thing. Trying to work out if that vignette was ‘all there was meant to be’ – like show up, plug in, zap yourself, go home and work with the results. Level Up: Completed. As opposed to ‘we connected so therefore Something Ought To… Read more »

flowerchild
flowerchild

I like how you worded this, Pi. This resonates for me, have had similar thought processes, but you describe it so much more clearly than I would be able to. Thank you!

aquasunrise
aquasunrise

I only read this then; I remember being so incredibly disillusioned with marriage to the point of break down…it was isolating, and quite oppressive (unintentionally I guess…subconscious, but the author of Women Who run with the Wolves speaks of the danger of the gilded cage…and also the tale of Bluebeard). It seems something neptunian; in this case it was opposite my jupiter /asc, and on my retrograde mercury. Sacrifice was a big issue. I know I fell into despair and then jupiter was transiting my neptunian 12th house (leo) so in my private world I had riches….that needed to be… Read more »

8th house
8th house

I swing between #1 and #3.

Neptune conjunct Sun Scorp.

#3 – I’m so ready for a sane and mature, adult relationship but it’s a barren landscape. Especially after 50. And I’m not internet dating. Hate it with a passion. So i guess it’s time to devote myself to art

Hard for a venus Libra to give up on love. 🙁

toroloco
toroloco

I’m still in my 20s and even I hate internet dating. Too much room for creeps and stalkers to come in. Had to block a guy over the weekend because of this. It’s a great place to make friends, but not a great place to (pretend you can) find love.

8th house
8th house

i forgot the exclamation marks after “I’m not internet dating” !!!! LOL. It’s not like i haven’t given it a red hot go. I tried it back in 2004!! and several times since and nearly all of the sites. I even tried Tinder (UGH!!) 2 years ago. So nobody is EVER going to convince me to try again. And you’re right – it’s full of creeps who can’t spell or just want sex. It is good for that I suppose. But meh, not interested. And you know what really sucks about internet dating? People who don’t shut their profile down… Read more »

Jokerman
Jokerman

I ve got on top of #1 but #3 is hard to overcome.

I got Kat Asc trine Scorp Nep but Nep is sqd by my Sun n Moon and 5 extra ptolemic placements. My Scorp Nep drives me. Internet dating seems to be a misnomer.

8th house
8th house

On top of #1 too PF. Only reason I mentioned it is that there is someone / something karmic who keeps dragging me back and I’m over it. Gotta tell him. If it hasn’t happened in 10 years it’s not gonna. As Mystic said “…you can’t lurk about in a state of zombie fixation, waiting for this day to come”

I’m done waiting!

Yes. #3. Hard with our aspects. We can only live in hope, I guess. Gloria Steinem met her partner at the age of 66. Gives me hope but i don’t want to wait that long. *sob*

toroloco
toroloco

Just woke up from a dream of a past love zombie life. Only in this, we were open about our hatred towards each other yet still sleeping together (opposite of what happened irl). I’m trying so hard not to LZ myself into 2 possible situations right now because I NEED to grow up and only settle for healthy relationships. Pretty sure that dream was a reaffirmation of that goal. Still, I feel “Or, if it is never to be, why does it feel so potent?” is a question that will never not bother me. I hate feeling pulled in by… Read more »

PiMM Member
Pi

i read a metadata analytics thing somewhere recently that mapped the most-googled phrases of love/relationships. For women it was
“why doesn’t he:
– call
– love me”

for men it was “why doesn’t she:
– leave
– just leave”

so there you go ladies.

somehow feeling surprisingly upbeat (today, at least) in the face of all of this, lol.

PiMM Member
Pi

for the hetero oriented i guess.

Jokerman
Jokerman

Ergo……l am a woman

PiMM Member
Pi

exactly PF, i was kind of thinking, this is bull, there are definitely guys who zomb out for sure
i think ‘why doesnt she call ‘ was #3 for men

Jokerman
Jokerman

As lve alluded to elsewhere on this post l gotta long way to get out of my current transits. Its been going for years. #3 is my major esp with my heavily aspected Nep.

supakaliMM Member
supakali

that’s freaking hilarious, like this post 🙂

8th house
8th house

that’s so depressing 🙁

PiMM Member
Pi

i know right – I don’t know what method they used to develop those results though. the top thing in my “why doens’t she” when i tried then was also “love me” or “call” or something so .. yeah

marsbar
marsbar

Yeah fuck Saturn. I am not going to be in a drudgery duty relationship with terrible sex and no rapport.

marsbar
marsbar

Love Zombie or bust! If it’s a bust it’s at least the best bust ever and will be the stuff of movies/books. Srsly. Just had annoying fucking drama scene last night where crying idiot and other wannabe alpha weenie both decided to just cold shoulder me. Fuck them! Good that they are not bothering me anymore, but hard to find partners in my hobby now as everyone feels sorry for these turds. What did that evil vixen do to these poor defenseless men? gah. If I win I lose and if I lose I lose.

Virgo EllieMM Member
Virgo Ellie

Exactly marsbar…. the men out there are so beaten up from previous woman and don’t want to stand up. We have to try and heal them.

I’m with you on your first post “Yeah fuck Saturn. I am not going to be in a drudgery duty relationship with terrible sex and no rapport.”

marsbar
marsbar

Honestly, I’ve done my share of “healing” men who have gone on to get married right after dating me (even those who have said they are not the marrying kind). It is kind of ego-pounding and I’m done with it, not that I even necessarily wanted to marry so and so. My mantra after 2014 is “Allow another person to do the heavy lifting as I have already done my share for a lifetime.” While it has been very painful for me to sit around and wait…hope…ponder …when my every instinct is to step in nourish and save……must keep sitting… Read more »

marsbar
marsbar

and remember VE: You are NOT the jackass whisperer! Step away…you are not obligated to save every jackass you find.

Virgo EllieMM Member
Virgo Ellie

Yes to most of the listed items. Mostly #1 and #3. The men I meet are based on historical men and also signs that are meant to teach me something. Gosh, I am so tired of being at a mature age where men can’t communicate: “I want a serious relationship where my girl will be there for me for xxxxx” or “I am looking to find someone to be intimate with but no plans for marriage.” Why can’t things be more open to that. Why is it that “dating” (hate that word) always leads into “wanting marriage”…. I am so… Read more »

The Venus FlyMM Member
The Venus Fly

Done 1 and 4.

No drought, I just have standards and figured out if I follow my bliss I’ll meet others on the path.

But DAMN did my Neptune in Sagg in my 7th House take me for a ride thus far through the Land of Rose Colored glasses. Thankfully I trust the gut but we don’t really know til the next one, do we – ooh wee! ;P <3

saturnplutofluxMM Member
saturnplutoflux

I’ve got one of them too (7th house Sagg Neptune) but I tend to agree with Kriblack above – love that I get to have the fabulous highs of fantasy with out the reality getting “all up in ma grill” so to speak…as a multi Sagg I have to travel light and this is the best way to do it with out leaving a trail of disgruntled exes..

timtamMM Member
timtam

Story of my life

Emily
Emily

I am just finally emerging from a strange period of #1-style delusion. Definitely identify with the “if it’s so potent then why can’t it just be real” heartbreak. I have learned a lot from the experience and am grateful to be surfacing/facing reality. Some people just give you such a high that is like a literal drug. She was my first north node-Venus conjunction (I’m the Venus) and we had so much chemistry popping off in our charts and in life. But, that also meant a lot of triggering of deep feelings and wounds. Not everyone is up for that… Read more »

8th house
8th house

it is like an addition isn’t it. They don’t call it chemistry for nothing

em priceMM Member
em price

exactly!

PiMM Member
Pi

now you mention it. fwiw, i remember reading something about the psychology of addictions particularly behavioural (still the dopamine reward cycle though) such as gambling. Rats pressing a lever to get a little tasty food pellet. the ones who got the pellet whenever they pressed the lever tended to wander around and do their daily Rat thing no problem. Rats whose little food pellet arrived very inconsistently and not every time they pressed the lever, tended to stay at the lever and keep pressing and pressing it, for ages. (poor little ratties) I instantly related this to the zomb anxiety… Read more »

PiMM Member
Pi

that’s only my own patterns i guess, not fair to assume that;s widespread. chemistry and zomb is a multivariate thing … thank god

em priceMM Member
em price

well, yes, multivariate but there certainly are some common stick threads, aren’t there! it’s undeniably true that the pattern of giving and pulling away creates an addiction, and it certainly mirrors (some parts of) my upbringing. I celebrate your awareness and breaking free! I will say that one gift this woman gave me was greater awareness. She didn’t give it to me, but I gave it to myself because I had no choice. I was desperate! I went to a 12-step group for codependency, made a list of all my priorities in future dating (and did some feng shui magic… Read more »

em priceMM Member
em price

stick =sticky

Leo on the RiseMM Member
Leo on the Rise

OK there’s my life……
No 2……

O god……..

kriblackMM Member
kriblack

With all the personal planets in Pisces I’m definitely of the Unrequited Love category. But right now I couldn’t be happier about it. I get all satisfaction of romantic yearning and fantasy without having to deal with anyones actual grotty socks. Score space, retain mystery, avoid intimacy – check, check and check.

NinthHouseMM Member
NinthHouse

Love it

flowerchild
flowerchild

I admit to doing this, too. Pisces Moon, here…..and Pisces Mars and Chiron. Neptune in the 5th…

Ramshell
Ramshell

Neptune in 5th and a 12th house unaspected moon. Sigh

Jokerman
Jokerman

Nep n Chiron in ya 8th opposn ya Virgo cluster and TSqd by Mars n Saturn Rxn ya 5th back to tbe cusp and Pluto inya Moon dwelt 7th should be a 6th category. Named the “Go and fuq yaself” transit.

Mass debate anyone?

Jokerman
Jokerman

I think maybe the Katakan daily for Freitag might have started today. Ah well – l am too open sometimes.

SeashineMM Member
Seashine

O Jesus..so hearts turn into question marks on my last post lol..

SeashineMM Member
Seashine

Love the timeless idea..????Thank you for these wisdoms Mystic x

Lux Interior Is My Co-PilotMM Member
Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

ha ha, genius! I used to be a Love Zombie but astrology fixed me. I learned to channel my Saggo moon. I think the quickest way to make a relationship come to an end, it to desperately, desperately want it to last forever. My friend and I decided (over a few glasses of wine) that the no. 1 criteria for starting a successful relationship with someone is to BE OK WITH IT ENDING. Like, totally OK and chilled and happy. And then, if it DOES fall apart–who cares? Not you. Sounds a bit cold, but we think we’re onto something.… Read more »

Virgo EllieMM Member
Virgo Ellie

I like that Lux. I just wish I could have that discussion with the guy I met. I just don’t understand why when we meet someone that we can’t drive to that discussion right away after a certain age. We aren’t looking for marriage, kids etc because we almost 60. Hello….

Why is it so difficult to be open and direct when it comes to wanting to be with someone.

PiMM Member
Pi

lux, i know exactly what you mean.

BubblesDeux
BubblesDeux

I love this comment. I’ve learned over the years, and after two divorces, that you have to know that you’ll be okay if something ends. Perhaps it’s my Leo/Taurus combo, but my foot is planted firmly in this belief.

em priceMM Member
em price

“I used to be a Love Zombie but astrology fixed me” is the best sentence I’ve read today.

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