Eighties Astrology Tips


Want some Eighties Astrology Tips? No, you don’t. Many of the zodiac takes were sexist, dictatorial and just plain weird. But check out the hair mousse.

Or, the caption to the picture above.

January 1985. ‘…If you’re sentimental and old-fashioned, pouty and cuddly, chances are you’re a Cancer….’

Seventeen Magazine.

And of course, Cancer teenagers of the Eighties all wanted to get married asap and hung around in wedding frocks.

Many of you peeps reading did not get to experience the gaudy glory that was Eighties Astrology. Sextrology was big and gender assumptions were vast. Men played the field for as long as possible and women tried to capture them. In one astrological article, the exact same zodiac signs would get different treatments according to their gender. Leo Man: Proud, desirable, successful. Leo Woman: Attention-seeking, a ball-breaker if not able to have children.

Eighties Astrology Was Garish And Sexist

Bedside Astrologers 80s


The Eighties astrology generally assumed that every relationship or romantic interest was with “the opposite sex” and that men had the power/initiative in any equation.




Usually monogamous when in honeymoon phase of marriage, when transiting a masochistic or asexual phase, or when she is suffering from guilt & tries to make up for it by suppressing her libido. Few stay sexually faithful to husbands all their lives. She can rarely resist verifying whether far-out techniques in seduction equal prowess in bed.

Reasons for her to become non-monogamous:

1. Searches new sexual experiences, variations, better lovers.

2. Sexual or emotional starvation.

3. Use of sex as power ploy. (duh)

4. Need for reassurance about her own powers.

5. Misplaced anger at mate.

6. Fear of death.

7. Drug addiction.

8. Submission to powerful fantasy man who can dominate her for a time.
May try for experimentation, but almost never interested in gay lifestyle. She links sex with power, and it’s still men who have the latter.

And, the last time Saturn was at the point it is heading toward now, it was THIS – now is the Saturn Return of then. Read what you want from the cover lines – all these covers are July 1987.

Cosmo 80s


Lessons From The Eighties: Never assume that one group is automatically going to hold power forever. Eyebrows go in and out of fashion so try not to irrevocably fuq with them as they are hard to grow back.

Royalty by birth or marriage is not what it used to be.  Madonna does in fact have super-powers of career endurance and resilience.

That Cosmo shot above was her Saturn Return – the first one. She is past her second Saturn Return now and still trucking along.

Looking for Eighties Astrology examples, I noticed people looked weird. It was not just the mousse and sexism. It was before Botox. Though I think we are at peak Botox and face filler now, it is interesting to think of the olden days. In the Eighties, skincare was Apricot scrubs and peel-off blue face masks.

And Tarot readings were like this.




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i’d say scorpio is pretty spot on 😂

Jo Jo Maria

Apricot scrub was the best! No nasty micro plastics and soooo scrubby!


Brilliant article Mystic ^_^
Madonna wears Azzedine Alia.He was part of the chain of 80s designers who adapted to fabrics(lycra,silk jersey) that reflected the “curves” of a women’s body. It encouraged women to tone and flaunt. More like I control what my hair , torso and jaw line do. Hence, I am powerful!


My hairstylist put mouse into my hair last week. It’s definitely making a comeback in Germany. So are acid washed jeans and short (read: belly-showing) sweatshirts. Yes. Sweatshirts.


1987. I rocked such a quiff.

And I’d only just started high school!

I was a little book nerd mathlete girl with fab fab hair.

Venus in Leo.

When my hair is happy, I’m happy. Going to trawl the supermarket for mousse now. It’s time to bring back the quiff!


“Why are you irresistibly drawn to the same impossible man?”

Yes, why?


Apricot scrub with granules – so 80’s!
This article reminds me of being a little girl with an apricot and white striped drop-waist dress and little white leather pixie shoes.

My sister bought some teen mag which featured astrology & the elements, earth, fire, air, water. And as my siblings and I represented all the elements among us, I gazed at these pictures so fixedly & decided then and there astrology had meaning. Because honestly, nothing else at that time did.


I totally agree re:botox. I am trying to retrain the muscles in my forehead to get rid of a headachey crease between my brows caused by a certain attitude to the world. It’s far better to try to relax the muscles, which, incidentally, requires addressing why they got that way in the first place, in my case this has meant slowly but steadily reviewing my whole approach. I grew up with a lot of anger, I don’t need it now, but working out how it got there and how I react is so much more important than just getting rid… Read more »


October 87, Black Friday stock market crash, I lost everything I’d worked for since the early 80s and up to that point never read my astro. I was 28 and a friend who was involved in the sanyasen group got me a consult with the groups astrologer. They called her Ma Satchan ? This was the first time I’d heard of the Saturn return and mine was just beginning. The next period of time was incredibly difficult and everything changed in my life. I’m Saturn in Cap and my second return is still a couple of years away but I’m… Read more »


I read some of the articles here about Saturn returns and Chiron returns and moving into our 50s. They have given me something to work with, focus on–



That is a good read. I read it twice.


Thanks for the info, excellent. I’ve had my Chiron return and since then begun to appreciate its impact on my life. I have Chiron in Aqua 8th house and it’s Interes are very interesting.

Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

Wow. I love this post. Astro/society really has come a long way.

Lux Interior Is My Co-Pilot

Women’s mags looking the same? Well, they kind of do, but the headlines certainly sound a lot less desperate.


I’ll pass on the mainstream 80’s permed, crimped, feathered and over frosted/highlighted hair. But, yes to the mousses especially richly colored Sebastian mousse and 80’s new wave, mod clothes.


and the androgynous look .the Annie Hall look, the punk look, big hair, big shoulders, big fringes, big colours. Loved it all so proud to be an 80’s chick. Still a Disco tragic


Could someone please tell me why I am irresistibly drawn to the same impossible man? The more impossible the better! It’s as if there is an invisible tattoo on my forehead that only impossible Alpha males are about to detect. At least I have learned not to be a LZ, thanks Mystic.


“able to detect”

Year of the Phoenix

Am still wearing same styles I did in the eighties – sort of – 60’s boat necks and tight 3/4 pants and can say I have NEVER had a perm!

BB is/was my fashion muse so it’s Breton stripes and blonde hair all the way tho did go the blue / asymmetrical / undercut for bit circa 1985… Pre perma Mod Chick

Re sexist Astro, Virgos definitely copped it with frigid nipickery.


classic mod doesn’t go out of style. 😉


hey that look is really from the 60s/70s though — classic !


My mother was rocking that look in the 50s. Love it – it’s a classic fer sure.


“Orofacial Myology is the new Everything.” It is, it is, it is… Botox to me is sweeping your mess under the rug or bed, it’s a recipe for eventual aesthetic disaster. My belief is that many plastic surgery and injection junkies try to balance out their asymmetries through these surgeries and then, as Mystic says, the solution causes a chain reaction of new problems that are then attempted to correct via more surgery or injections. But I don’t think most of them realize that this is what they are doing. I remember looking at my face and being unhappy with… Read more »


Oh cheers, that conversation on the Dr Saturn post explains a lot, thanks for the tip. I had six perfectly healthy adult teeth removed as a child to “make room” on a small jaw, still had to have all of my wisdom teeth hacked out of my jawbone prior to eruption, and then lost more due to failed root canal etc. Horrible. I think, looking at youtube examples of OM, I may have been doing a lot of analagous exercises for lips and tongue, for completely different reasons. This explains why I can breath so much more easily with my… Read more »


i’ll totes join! Can anyone recommend me someone in Melbourne? Or in Sydney?


WTF is going on with ppl’s eyebrows? is it threading that makes them so painted on looking? I keep seeing weird eyebrows on younger (20s – 30s) women and going — wha?


Oh man….I have to get my eyebrows tinted because I am so blonde and I have NOT been able to find a good therapist for several years – they all insist on making them so dark that I’ve given up and do them myself. They’ll be like – that looks so good now, and I’ll be like – I have CATERPILLERS. My face doesn’t support caterpillers. Why don’t you look at the shape of my face and my skin colour before you try to give me weird eyebrows. So over it.


shaving brows…not my thing either. Ombre Rainbow brows and matching armpit hair is also another fad.


There’s all these products (from the Anastasia line especially, the woman/company behind the trend) that people use to fill in the brow and then do all this crazy countouring on top. I went to an Anastasia counter to get them waxed a few times before while recovering from my first and only threading experience (a DISASTER). I appreciate that they believe in keeping the brows full and don’t overpluck but the arch is a bit extreme for my taste and I have to go home and wash off all this crazy gunk they draw on afterwards lol. The worst is… Read more »


yes they look so fake and usually far too heavy for the person’s face! how crazy would the dark thick brows look without makeup — like getting up in the morning — I shudder to think!


Forget peak botox. This is you at peak genius Mystic. I love it when you go on a completely random rave like this. Never stop xx


O yes you & me both. She is my version of a Colouring in Book.
A kinda ‘join the dots’ game. 🙂


Darling, mousse never gets to leave your life if you have curly hair! Got my fave in right now! Nice to think that I’m ahead/outside of the trend with big hair. (Venus in Aquarius)

As for the Capricorn stuff… Have been fretting again lately over why marriage/kids seems to have happened for everyone I know, even the ones who swore they didn’t want kids, except me. Suggesting I can thank my Sun in Captricorn and that Pluto thing actually makes me feel a bit better that it will happen. Thanks x


Buying denim already worn out? Dont be stupid Making ya head look like a mop afraid of cleaning? Priceless Madonna? Never have and never will understand that phenomona. She is the human manifestation of the Corvette Stingray; all power and show but lumbersome. Go Patti Smith Fashion….bah humbug. I ve been wearing the ‘same’ clothes for 45 years and l ve been in ‘fashion’ twice for 18mths. Im due to be in fashion, again, in ten years. Reading the sexism of ‘olden’ times (1700s, ’80s) makes me think the more things change the more they stay the same. Do ppl… Read more »


Madonna looks hot in that picture. Bon Jovi: total sweetheart, nightmare hair, don’t really like his music. I was born in ’82. A lot of stuff from that era is still kind of weird to me.


Yeah I remember that cover, that was like the first time she really cleaned up and did a glamour pic. Before that, it was ratty hair and gloves with the fingers cut off.

I kinda liked her sleazy punky image. But then, I kinda liked her sleazy amateur hardcore porn film.


Haha me too 😀


Eighties astrology was strongly flavored by Uranus in Sagittarius, which explains a lot, i.e all the gauche and tactless stereotyping. Sagittarius run amok has a big mouth and a very narrow POV – done wrong, it is quite biased. Uranus is the patron planet of astrology and the sign it traverses strongly colors the astrology of the day. For example, there has been a lot of talented New Blood on the astro-scene since Uranus got into Aries. When it moves into Taurus, I would expect to see more practical uses of astrology come into favor and anticipate financial astrology enjoying… Read more »


One of my mum’s friends was an astrologer (how good?…..dunno) but she said to me that being a Water sign for a man, meaning me, could end in suicide. So the sexism cut both ways. That was in ’78- maybe she was expressing Uran in Scorp in a low way


I have Uranus and Urania in Scorpio rising. I can’t say I’m a kick ass astrologer, but I definitely know one.


Uranus in Taurus simply HAS to align with mainstreaming of cyborgs.


LOL back in the 80s, I lived in an artist’s loft right across the street from an acid-wash jeans manufacturer. I could look out my window into theirs, and see them cutting denim on long tables. Sometimes I could smell a faint whiff of acid in the air.

And hey I have Mars in the 8th House. How come I’m not seducing more maidens? It’s probably that I have Pisces in the 8th. But at least I leave them desirous of more.


dear god.


Ok, i’ve calmed down. That portrayal of the Cancer woman is why i never really got further into astrology back then.


Peak Botox ha! Love it. Oh, and as a cancer I never got that whole pouty sulky stereotype. Occasionally melodramatic yes, (melodrama was an unavoidable childhood nickname). Sulky no. When I am upset, either no one knows or everyone knows in specific articulated detail. Although that may be because Venus in Leo is my chart ruler and most aspected planet. Also, I do all kinds of esoteric facial exercises, and they work. Regularly mistaken for a college student in my thirties. Although that may also be down to clean-ish living and baby-faced genetics as well. I have a pet theory… Read more »


I always wondered why some people seem to age faster than others…besides genetics and vices…youthful spirit turns artists into Dorians?


I agree with this theory. I’ve observed this amongst performer friends and I put it down to playfulness, being ready to reinvent or change direction, also not being driven by external rewards (money, status, etc). Follow your bliss and look amazing doing it! Though I might add this cohort also eat pretty healthily, exercise a lot and don’t drink on a regular basis.


I know a few who have horrible diets, drink way too much and still look youthful- but bad diets and drugs do catch up eventually with a person.


Interesting Melody. I think I agree with your pet theory 🙂


I’m a convert to old school facial exercises (I haven’t heard of orofacial myology, I’ll be really interested to hear more about it). I’m about 8 months in. They definitely work for me. Unexpected side benefits; skin is no longer dry (?blood flow), eyesight has improved, and far fewer migraines, though I think the vegie diet has helped with the migraines as well.


where do you read about them?


Initially I found some on youtube – under “facial yoga” and just “facial exercises”. You can buy programs, but there are also lots of free videos or websites about, it is perfectly possible to get all you need for free on youtube.


lol textured hair, i’ve recently been wishing for a hair crimper again strangely. i loved crimped 80’s hair, screw straightened hair. even though i’d probably just rock it around the house. omg just googled crimpers – they still exist!!!!! thanks for the tangent mystic


Ooh I want to know what ‘passion’s perfume’ is for Pisceans 🙂
1986-1987 was my personal Peak Hotness. White jeans, pink eyeshadow, huge earrings, white boots. The biggest perm you’ve ever seen. Perm, bleach, tease, spray. Repeat. That era was a Leo rising’s dream. It’s a wonder I have any hair left.
Revlon did these amazing trio eyeshadows. I had pink, charcoal and purple. And yes I could blend like a motherfuqer 🙂 I think from memory there was a matching lipstick. Good times.


That actually sounds fantastic.


…and THIS is why I love the internet! Here it is. Although it was a duo not a trio as I thought. I must have had two. Unlike these colours, my memory has faded…
https://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/3310654842/in/photostream/


yes!! big hair…stylin eyes, no bronzer: only blush and uh…shoulder pads.. Leo sun/rising here (my big hair doesn’t need perms but it’s pretty much always looked the same since the 80’s LOL)




Hahahahah. That is all. xoxox


bahahaha Great Post! 😛

On the serious tip, tho, sad to see that “women’s” mags at the checkout still look the same today as they did back then. *thumbs down*


same crap!!!


Yes!! “You’re still inadequate, ladies. Try Harder.” Boooo


I used to have a sub to a good ladies mag in the 90s, called Bitch. Anybody ever read Bitch? I wonder if they’re still around & still “pure”… I’ll have to look it up.


–And now I’m a psuedo-intellectual astro Bitch, so I’ve come full circle! 😛

Jessica McOmish

Yep, me too x


🙂 x


yep bitch is still around! it’s more of a journal than a glossy mag imo (longer analytical pieces, eg). there’s also one called ‘bust’ which is its a more superficial, verging on mainstream counterpart.


Yes, and still do x


lol — only read vogue and bazaar and vanity fair occasionally for the fantasy lifestyle, food/hotels/holidays and fashion (more to laugh at anyone spending $2,000 on a handbag actually!)
love vogue living for the beautiful chairs and gardens — I *do* have a taurus moon/stellium. I find I can live a very luxe lifestyle on a small budget — it’s all about quality, not quantity, and no ‘big’ labels !


also vogue has good book and art reviews

Unicorn Sparkles

Venereal Disease Ridden Whore

Just please no more stonewashed jeans. Once was enough.


amen! once was way too much!


Too late. Art school kids are already back onto them , so its only a matter of time before some trend sniffer puts an order in with a Guangzhou denim factory.

Love from sallow faced, combative venereal Disease Ridden Whore
(Pretty sure I’m just combative but hey )


gah stonewash! and distressed denim! distresses me — never again — also, bubble skirts — and while I’m at it, I’m over lycra, and LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS !

Unicorn Sparkles

And rara skirts with the multiple frills on the bottom.
Some things need to be retired to the never to be resurrected zone.

I sat across from a 19 or so year old the other day in a cafe. It was Madonna circa the like a virgin video. I’m glad I wasn’t drunk. Would have led to Marty mcfly moment.


I asked my hair dresser for ‘more textured hair’ and I ended up looking like bon jovi! arrrrghh


Madonna does have super powers. Mousse is good too.

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