As a clambering Cap rising I’ve been chasing down the career/creative dream for as long as I can remember.
I always did the work, made sure things got done on time, got back to people and somehow found ideas with merit.
As cliche as it sounds, everything in my life til now has been culminating in this one mega project that has taken me an embarrassingly long time to finish – it’s at the stage where my friends don’t even ask me about it anymore, but I’m SO close to being done – weeks away – and for the first time in my life, I’m actually truly proud of myself. I almost can’t believe it.
The problem is, since mid April, when the final stages of my work started to finish, this strange kind of lethargy has just taken me over.
I’m not talking about a few days off or general project burnout.
I’m talking about MONTHS now, of feeling like I can’t be bothered.
I’m so happy with what I’ve made, but I just …can’t be bothered showing anyone.
And it’s not JUST this project, but with my industry (music), with creativity in general, with friends and being social, with new work opportunities, with the world at large – I SHOULD be gearing up, assembling a team etc etc etc, except now when it really counts – I just… can’t …be… bothered.
I’ve Replaced my career with detox tea and home renovating. I have a sudden new collection of kettle bells.
My social life has been replaced with a vitamix and the 30 day squat challenge. I stream the “bodyfit by amy” channel on youtube while I assemble white furniture and clean the house.
Nothing and nobody can get me out past 7pm.
I’m just about to finish the biggest project of my life and my inbox traffic has slowed almost exclusively to daily mystics and recepits from the apple store. I don’t get back to people. I can’t even explain it. It’s like my concept of time has elongated to slow motion. Who t-f is this person? and when is this going to end?
I thought Saturn was work work work hustle go… but instead I’ve just got a sore shoulder and the sudden ability to ignore everyone.
I have Saturn going through the 12th house, opposite Moon and Mars (in Taurus) For added effect my progressed moon is currently on my natal Saturn. My natal Saturn is on my North Node.
Don’t invite me to your parties.
I’m hoping Jupiter can save me from myself. But can it?
Somebody free me from these self flagellating squat shackles.
Straight-faced Gem / aka Buns of Saturn
Dear Straight Faced Gem aka Buns Of Saturn,
I hate to say it but this is textbook Saturn. Firstly, fantastic creative work does not actually – in general – come from schmoozing around industry parties and being the most popular artiste in your circle. Nooooo. So many successful creators are introverts. Read Quiet by Susan Cain for more insight into this – it is an amazing book. Introverts are not “shy” as such – they just recharge by seclusion. Whereas extroverts recharge by mixing it up, parties etc. Most creatives are introverts and you have just completed this massive project. You are recharging in your fortress of solitude. And because you’re so hard-core Saturn, you are recharging via kettlebells and home perfection projects, rather than Blue Devil Hoochie Juice & junk food. GO YOU!
Saturn is your Ruler, Saturn is on your North Node (destiny) natally AND you are having a Saturn-Moon/Mars transit. This is an ideal time to slow down, work on that squat technique and have the guts to do what truly nourishes you. Saturn in the 12th IS a classic seclusion transit, as is Saturn-Moon. These are transits that can have you happily in bed by 9pm, reading self-dev or health guides on your kindle, face plastered in nurturing serum, bills paid, scheduled up to the wazoo, nursing massive schemes and completely ignoring invites on your phone that (pre-Saturn) would have been insanely enticing.
You’re turning pro. One day you will look back on this and it will be like the training montage scene in a chump to champ or zero to hero movie. I think add some nettles to your salads for the full Saturn experience. Also, when you emerge triumphantly to accept accolades for your BIG WORK, you will look AMAZING and you can just put it all down to “meditation.” But seriously, leaving Saturn aside, you have done this huge project, really tried to reach for a next level and it’s normal to want to rest, put back into you for a while.
Come Saturn back into Saggo in September – that is, off from opposing your Moon/Mars and you will be feisty as fuq. There will be a smell of sulphur, ozone and plutonium when you walk in the room, lightning bolts will zing off your footsteps, your ideas flow will so cool, you’ll keep yourself awake at night cackling. You will juggle kettle-bells and have people starting instagrams devoted to your buns of Saturn. This could even be some sort of eerie Saturnine boot camp prep for FAME.
So no, Saturn has not killed your vibe – Saturn is HONING YOUR VIBE.
What does everyone else think?
Image: Rune Fisker
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