I have had a burning question about partner love vs. self-love with this astro.
I am experiencing a fascinating, difficult, and exciting rebirth… I have left behind some things I was hating (graduate school, being one of them) and am exploring new career options, putting myself out there as a coach, taking on new learning in astrology and shamanism and other disciplines, submitting writing and performing in readings, performing as a dancer again. These are areas where I had been stalled for AT LEAST TEN YEARS. More, really. I am 33 years old now, Libra Sun, Scorpio Rising, Cap Moon.
I had a terrible breakup in the fall and wasted most of my Saturn in Scorp in total love zombie mode. I feel like it’s coming back to give me another chance!
This full moon was conjunct my Neptune and I did Neptunian things like workshop prepped for a performance, and Neptune is in my second house, I have always struggled with money, and I had a breakthrough in my 12-step program I recently began which deals with exactly that (a spiritual approach to finances). I am waking up, and refoundationing my life, is how it feels.
My question is this: two months ago I began this 12-step work in two areas: codependency (romance addict! raging codependent! love zombie!) and financial vagueness, debt, and underearning. Part of my participation includes the suggestion that I not date for one year. I ended an iffy dalliance with a woman I really liked (was not really functional though, she was very unavailable) as part of this suggestion.
I see your continued mentions of this Venus in Leo phase… and for both my libra and my scorpio these seem to hold great romantic promise. OF COURSE I WANT THAT TO BE TRUE FOR ME. I want this woman to come back and be available and fall madly in love, etc. BUT, is it possible that this romance is with myself? How would you suggest using this astro, and conducive is it, to happening the epic love affair with myself that I’ve never had, and finally pouring my love energy attention and power into ME?
Dear New Self Lover,
See? i am capitalizing it. Because Venus is in Leo. And Self gets a capital. Lover too. Okay so i think you raise a brilliant point. But first of all, congrats on your emergence from the Love Zombie crypt AND all the evolutionary activity.
Personally, I think as far as this woman goes, it doesn’t really matter what the 12 Step Shrink thinks a la not dating for a year or whatever as much as how you have described this thing: “iffy.” “not really functional.” “very unavailable.” I mean what’s “very unavailable.” ???
Married to THREE different people not just one? Not just living on another continent but in a valley with no outside communication? She is an alien who has to spend half the year on Alpha Centauri? Unavailable is quite annoying enough.
So anyway, if you had described it more along the lines of “definitive”, “functional” and “available” – it would be fairly obvious you could love your SELF and her – right? But i think given these fairly crappy parameters and that you are doing so awesomely with all the art & commerce, WHY even think about blocking your light with an affair bound to introduce shadowy doubts?
And you said it yourself – Saturn is going back into Scorpio. It’s either REAL and amazing- like, a Plutonic level of authenticity or it’s crumbling OR you are a human bonsai, with the stunted growth but it looks pretty from the outside.
i would also like to remind you and others who may be interested that Jupiter in Leo IS squaring Saturn in Scorpio mid-year. Jupiter amplifies. It’s like Growth Hormone for transits. So if you have even a mild hint that your personal Saturn crap involves not degenerating into dysfunctional so-called relationships based on unresolved psych issues or something, please continue with the self-love, dancing, learning etc.
If she comes back, she comes back.
But…what does everyone else think…?
Image: Mark Sennet – Isabella Rossellini
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