Growth Incognito

Filed in Inspiration

Joshua Yeldham

“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.”

 

— Alice Walker, Living by the Word

Aquarius, Moon-Jupiter in Leo, Saggo Rising, Mars Uranus in Gemini

 

Image: Joshua Yeldham

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Rache(Aqua/Tauri)
Rache(Aqua/Tauri)

Man, natal Sun square moon is so hard, not some of the time…all of the time. More than anything else in my chart it is becoming apparent as I get older that this is one of the major themes of my whole life/path. [And that I may never know what I really want. *gulp*] Growing up I always identified so strongly with Aquarius (x Aqua midheaven)… being the *weird* one, having flat “robot” interpersonal communication that people laughed at, lack of readable emotions, information hoarder, social justice aspirations, etc… it is only once I found MM almost 5 years ago… Read more »

Birdstargirl
Birdstargirl

This is going to look superficial compared to any poem of depth. But sometimes I try to explain stuff to muggles. Gandalf the gray returns from death as Gandalf the white. If, in the interim, all he had done was not dye his hair, even if he was laying in bed listening to Beyonce the whole time, and he decided “fuq it, I’m letting my hair be natural” he still became closer to himself. Maybe this is more tumblr than MM, but it occurred to me on my day off. Happy mercury square Neptune, may the ambiguity be with you.

Pi
Pi

and also with you.

I totally love your gandalf illustration. change doesn’t have to be enormous, monumental, life-quaking. it might barely break a ripple but if there’s a shift, there’s a shift. if that shift means you (or gandalf) own your self more consciously, thereby becoming – ironically – less ‘self-conscious’, well, that’s good.

birdstargirl
birdstargirl

*goes to see if there are astrological associations done for LOTR*

birdstargirl
birdstargirl

realized as soon as i typed that

of course there are entire sub-fandoms of lotr and astro

birdstargirl
birdstargirl

i’m glad mystic has been pointing out saturn as gandalf. i thought about my favorite capricorns and they are all amazing people, yet the part of me that is so critical and judgmental thinks that is saturn in my chart. i’m becoming aware that its not, and reframing saturn is huge right now.

daddy issues

Prince Stolas
Prince Stolas

OMG you know it! Gandalf loves Beyonce!

birdstargirl
birdstargirl

*flawless*

Alouetta
Alouetta

Last weekend was fuqed. My relationship is on the knife’s edge and I just want to walk away – I just don’t know where to. I made a list of places I could go but none of them was appealing. I’ve made it as far as the spare room.

david
david

Alouetta, same situation. Now sleeping in office. His mother moved in and is on the couch. Its his father’s place, for sale too! Partner shows strong signs of narcissistic behavior. Think lot of people are evolving through relationship prisons to find their freedom. Love yourself, know you’re part of a greater movement. No more abuse. Hang in there.

kava
kava

As always, perfect timing and insight Mystic and fabulous comments. The amount of transformation I’ve experienced this year is otherworldly. I feel like I can (tentatively) say I’m doing Pluto. And doing Uranus. Gently. A bit shakily. But I’m getting the hang of this game. Evolve evolve evolve evolve evolve evolve and keep evolving has been my mantra. The only thing is – and I’d love some thoughts or help on this – Saturn back in to Scorp. I admit, yes, I’m afraid. The years of Saturn stuck in my 7th house were made up by: Moving overseas for a… Read more »

supakali
supakali

jeezus, I’m just so fuqin impressed that you’re still going! bravo, I think you can take this

kava
kava

Thank you so much supakali! Think I just need a speck of positivity to keep me going 🙂 I work in a healing industry which ironically is made up of gerberas trying to transmute and ignore any pain or uncomfortability and I’m trying to establish how to work with it with enough velocity so that my shirt bursts off like The Hulk 😉 I suppose I’m worried that all of these new opportunities that have completely unexpectedly flooded in and already changed my life, my intuitive Tarot business going hell for leather and connecting with such incredible people – is… Read more »

The Venus Fly 2.0
The Venus Fly 2.0

Similar ish happened to me over a decade ago. When I moved overseas for ANOTHER man he was a pretentious idiot (diagnosed with Narccisistic Personality Disorder) but I was wise enough to bail after 4 days.

Don’t be scared. I get those fear sometimes too because you remember the trauma on a cellular level. Keep going. Trust your instincts. And do you for YOU, no one else.

Good luck!

<3

david
david

just saw your post Venus, after i posted about my partner who exhibits narcissistic personality disorder. 7 yrs later. just waking up. i think this is a greater issue in society than many know. it really is like aliens versus human beings.

The Venus Fly 2.0
The Venus Fly 2.0

You know, so many folks (falsely) label people ‘toxic’ just because they don’t like/understand them. Those people have never done anything wrong to said people, but they’re on that ‘spiritual superiority’ trip they just LOVE to cast stones while acting that they’re superior. But than there are so many GENUINE narcissistic folks and many times they’re labeled as ‘great’ and ‘positive’. Because people love to be pandered to and made to laugh they gloss over all their genuine toxicity so they continue to go their merry ways. Some are sociopaths, some are not. But a narcissistic will always, absolutely always… Read more »

Prince Stolas
Prince Stolas

Well do keep in mind what is poison for one person is medicine for another. It all has to do with dose and duration. Person A could actually be “toxic” to Person B but could be just fine for Person C.

Vslr
Vslr

To say I’ve experienced exponential growth and change in the past week would be an understatement. But the insights that have led to the shift and growth werent pluto stule but more of the Uranus at work variety. Quick flash insights that i was left to ponder and use to help me understand the situations in my life. Confidence is about building self-esteem which breeds confidence which builds up self-esteem 🙂 profound for me because i had missed the fact that “quiet confidence” concept that I ascribe to means strong display of self-esteem. The leo exs sister turned out to… Read more »

Fauness
Fauness

That book sounds very interesting. I read an article about how our bodies store emotions in our cells and you can pass them to your children. The article did not have advice on how to process and release them. I’m going to check it out, thanks.

sphinx
sphinx

Done lots of growth in the last few years. I rather enjoyed it, thought it did make me cry sometimes.
But I am done with excessive growing atm. I think I am just in a spreading my canopy these days.
Also, exploring! More exploring please!

Also, trying to remain calm in the storm that is brewing is good.
A super Neptunian Aqua friend today told me,
“Don’t worry about survival. We aren’t here to survive. We are here to help others. There’s no tension in this equation”.

supakali
supakali

yes, that was my mistake 🙂

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Love it. Committing that quote to long-term memory drive.

sphinx
sphinx

It’s good isn’t it? 😉

Pi
Pi

that is a good quote. I think a big change in how we experience / relate to the world comes from just dropping the whole “it’s me vs. everyone else” thinking which strikes me as quite stressful in its own way.

one of my little thoughts recently was –

If I told you that you were already dead, would that change how you do things?

(I think about death a lot.)

LexieL
LexieL

Super pertinent for me right now too… been holding a lot in lately, it came out in a flood today. I know I am changing (Pluto transit of first house anyone?) and fuq, it is soooo hard to keep ‘fighting the good fight’ sometimes…. just keep swimming…

Ms. Leo Noir A
Ms. Leo Noir A

“Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant.” Wow. Synchronicity. I thought that things would lighten up considerably as the intensity of the Zap Zone started to fade, but I actually feel less zen now than I did during the heights of global crazy. The “weight and inertia” of the earth feel like they are trying to suffocate me at the moment. I know I’ve made massive progress since commencing my… Read more »

Centaurus
Centaurus

I think I’ll just call this Saturn conjunct my Sun.

M
M

That sums up my last twelve months, beautifully said… Feel like I’m getting closer and closer to coming out the other side and stepping into my next phase in life

Methinky
Methinky

I feel like this – totally confused and going into unchartered waters. I am about to become the guardian of a real live person for the first time ever. I am rearranging the house now to do this and it is so strange! Also I am feeling this rebellion towards my job, it feels like a dead waste of energy and I only want to put myself into positive and constructive things, I feel like something new is unleashed recently. I came back from my holiday so relaxed and realised how twisted I was before I went, stressed and horrible!… Read more »

Methink
Methink

I just asked the oracle and the first three answers made zero sense to me and the fourth recommended therapy! Hahahshaha hilarious. Merc square Neptune indeedy. Confusion is confirmed and verified!

Pegasus
Pegasus

What a compassionate post from A Walker. Most appreciated Myst. Love some of her quotes like the difference between a Womanist & a Feminist. Had an amazing encounter yesterday with the first boy i dated when peoples actually dated, like got asked out to a party or movie or dinner and you were collected at the door and dropped off at curfew, very 50’s 🙂 My mother came out to the car when he took me home and about to have our first kiss. Seeing him again was on my bucket list and was not disappointed. The cornflower blue eyes… Read more »

Centaurus
Centaurus

Then go get it Pegs 😉

Nothing in this universe is by accident, chance or random.

Cx

sphinx
sphinx

You GO GET THAT KISS girl!!!! 😀

Libra9
Libra9

You both deserve that kiss. Go for it.

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Get The Kiss.

Lizbeth
Lizbeth

Snogging rocks!!!

Pi
Pi

pegs! I love these stories… do what feels right you excellent creature xxx

Prince Stolas
Prince Stolas

Did you get it yet? 😀

catfish moon
catfish moon

Truth!

Prince Stolas
Prince Stolas

I would also like to take the time out to say that a number of my friends and myself with obv Saggo in our charts are going through an annoying friend phase now. It’s like our friends are conspiring to bonsai us? Anyone else feeling this? And as Sagg stamped individuals it’s our solemn duty to escape that noose. So if you are friends with a Sagg or Sagg-touched peeps, they want to run free right now. Don’t hobble them to how you remember them back in the 80’s or 90’s or 00’s or whatever.

The Venus Fly 2.0
The Venus Fly 2.0

Exactly why I left Australia in the first place. Tall Poppy Syndrome/bonsai that person is so deeply ingrained in large pockets of the population. It feels like this culture is a magnet for conformists, even in creative circles.

I’m done with that energy. No time to be coralled. Too much work, creating and loving to do with NO restrictions 🙂

sphinx
sphinx

This makes sense. Have been trying to help out a Saggi influenced person who, while always a very poor communicator, has been intolerable to try and arrange the item we have organised for them to get.
It involves a few people, lots of options and timing is key so just pulling my hair out. The gift isn’t even so much for this person as their kids. But, you know, Saggi people see nooses everywhere and nothing can come between them and their freedom – even their children’s safety it seems in this case. Argh!

supakali
supakali

seems weird but I am a bit like this – don’t like to commit to being anywhere in the future at a particular time, prefer to wing it. But I have nothink in Sagg, or the 9th in either solar or natal charts. what could it be? the hidden Saturn again?

sphinx
sphinx

This person is super Uranian, I just checked their chart.They also have a fixed axis and Saturn in Taurus?
Very challenged at being intimate with others and self describes as someone not good at romantic relationships.

supakali
supakali

Saturn in Taurus checks out and the fixed AC/DC axis. My IC/MC is mutable.

I do have Uranus conjunct Venus but it’s not tight, and Pluto too, but that one’s wide.

Interesting! I wonder about Neptune? By solar chart Neptune is in my 1st…

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

What about Jupiter? Ruler of Sagg. Any aspect b/n Jupe & Uranus in ur chart? Also, where’s Aquarius for u?

supakali
supakali

a-Ha! Haha, you’ve hit on it Ankh! Yes, most likely….Natal 5H, Solar 12th Jupiter, conjunct Mercury by 1º 3mins. Currently my most favoured aspect, about to be opposed by Uranus and sextiled by Jupes himself!

Ho! what fun 😀

akapluto
akapluto

Heh…on point. Was just telling a close friend how I feel like I’m becoming something else and I don’t know what. The problem is it’s been going on for YEARS, Maybe 10 now. I’ve always continuously changed but the last ten years I have really felt like an inbetween being.

When does a Pluto person ever finish “becoming”?

That is what scares me…life in between forever.

LiberatingVenus
LiberatingVenus

IMHO (and I believe you and I have talked about this before), I think if we are dealing with a prolonged state (by that I mean lasting more than the typical 2-3 year duration of a Pluto transit) of “in between-ness”, it’s likely a sign that we are, in fact, psychologically stuck somewhere and that the energy needs to be internalized to root out the cause(s) so this can be eliminated. That’s not a judgment at all, BTW – I’m speaking purely to my own personal experience(s) in having discovered (and still in a constant process of discovering as I… Read more »

Birdstargirl
Birdstargirl

That is huge.

I just wanted to witness that.

Rox
Rox

Likewise.

Pi
Pi

Liberating Venus,I am really appreciating your shared wisdom in various posts and this particular comment especially!

it’s like salve, seriously.

Pluto natally on my IC (/anywhere in anyone’s chart) is probably an endless unfolding of deep complex richly layered issues that all relate to each other in important ways..like filo pastry or croissant, or a lasagna…lol (where is the moon now.. did I Say pluto was in my 4th house).

anyway, x

LiberatingVenus
LiberatingVenus

mmmm…carbs! 😆

That’s sweet of you to say, Pi <3

akapluto
akapluto

LV- NIN! Perfect. Yes I have spent a lot of time trying to sort out where I am stuck. Lots and lots of time…lots and lots… I, too, am intent on breaking the negative cycle of my family. Do you have a 12th house influence as well? Supposedly the 12th house has a lot to do with family karma. It is only lately that I’ve become 100% adamant about abolishing all negativity. Still, it is a long process, like untying a knot. You mention that most people aren’t comfortable looking at their inner dysfunction…man, I have never understood that. It… Read more »

LiberatingVenus
LiberatingVenus

Yes, the 12th H is The Everything in my chart. Self-undone? I think not! You can only fuq yourself so many times before you say “This is getting old” and then decide to figure out how to *not* trip yourself up again! Hickey called this the house of “initiation” and of “ultimate understanding”; the house of Divine Wisdom and the compassion we’ve gained through sorrow and suffering – this is why the 12th house is so service-oriented and concerned with redemption. We take what we’ve learned about our own foibles and then use it to help others in similar boats.… Read more »

supakali
supakali

Hey you two, can I ask if you think that applies to 12th house stuff in a solar chart as much as a natal? Natally I have Saturn in 12th, but by Solar, it’s crowded….Uranus/Venus/Jupiter/Merc, with plenty of asteroids thrown in for good measure. Via Combusta to boot. It’s weird but It’s only recently this has really come to my awareness. Needless to say, I relate to much of what you both say.

LiberatingVenus
LiberatingVenus

No – a natal with a correct TOB will supersede a solar chart every time, IMO. Having natal Saturn in this house (Saturn being one half of the parental influence) though will have you resonating w/ some of these issues to an extent – at least when it comes to suffering via a parent and putting a stop to lather-rinse-repeat cycles of self-undoing AND addiction. Saturn in the 12th often correlates to a parent who was either absent, sick, or addicted. The 12th House has to do with karmic suffering we have no control over, and I’ve often said that… Read more »

Kat
Kat

Ah the 12th. Mine is loaded- Via Combusta included. Mystic did a post on the VC a while back. I think Kim F did as well. Until then I didn’t know it was considered a challenge.

Saturn wipes out my family when it swept past the VC- and took much negativity too. My struggle now is to banish the negative self talk- even though I’m way better than before.

Def family fate falls in 12th- our esoteric soul tribes/

LiberatingVenus
LiberatingVenus

Thanks, Birdstar & Rox! <3

Ms. Leo Noir A
Ms. Leo Noir A

“That is what scares me…life in between forever.”

Yeah, me, too. :/

I hope you find an anchor point soon.

Kat
Kat

It’s the alchemical stage of the murky gunk that eventually transforms to gold. I feel it too. Yesterday I spent an hour talking to a school parent whose life had eerily paralleled mine- being Scorp-paranoid I won’t dwell in deets. Difference is she’s struggling with forgiveness- with spouse. I gave her tons of resources, we exchanged phone numbers. She helped me see that my sense of being stuck – is actually progress. When I’m angry at my complacent friends, or at inequity, or weeping over runaway teens, I am glad that my heart is ripped open and not numb. I… Read more »

akapluto
akapluto

True-

The extent of our ability to feel anguish matches the height of our joy.

I would rather feel both extremely than numbly wander around in apathy.

Birdstargirl
Birdstargirl

Then you are your own anchor. We are our own constant.

My 12th has only the part of fortune. That was a great symbol to find. The richness, the reward of the initiation, even when I fail to see , i. See it in others too.

R(Aqua/Tauri)
R(Aqua/Tauri)

That quote describes my life from age 23 — 27. I feel like I’m just understanding what I went through and why it was necessary now.

I’m a huge fan of Dabrowski’s Theory of Positive Disintegration (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_Disintegration). Instead of trying to get everyone to get back to being “happy” or “normal” as quickly as possible more therapists need to stop invalidating their patients and walk with them through the storm. There’s a great book on this theory called “Living With Intensity” if anyone is interested.

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Yes! Great book.

Pi
Pi

your second para. yes. likewise, liberating venus’s quote shared. there’s a book about that exact thing . name escapes me. about / by an artist. anyway it’s exactly what i’ve come to grasp in an incredibly detailed way this past few years. art and death, basically, has been instrumental in this, also the experience of bereavement and totally misplaced self-judgement in relation to “I should be …”. The words we use for others who are in a certain place, there’s a path you can tread that allows a friend to feel that they are being acknowledged / seen, and our… Read more »

Pi
Pi

well ‘exactly’ probably sounds a bit arrogant but ppl know what i mean hopefully.

Rox
Rox

Thanks for the rec, will hunt it up + lovely post Mystic, thank you.

sphinx
sphinx

So true!

New Agers love quoting Einstein that “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it”.

That’s all wrong. You have to solve the level by going back to that same level of consciousness it was created and rearranging from there.

Ms. Leo Noir A
Ms. Leo Noir A

Sounds like a book I probably need to read right now. Thanks for sharing.

jediwarriormonk
jediwarriormonk

This sounds EXACTLY like the Fools journey – got to die to be reborn etc.. or the shamans journey – go to go crazy, into the underworld, learn the lessons and be reborn into the light

Lizbeth
Lizbeth

sounds AMAZING!
I need to check that out!

Kat
Kat

Ooh this is a branch extended into the whirlpool! I live with so many Neptune- as -anesthesia “healers”. They do not get that it’s not about escaping pain, trauma etc. It’s about surviving and transforming without annihilation.

Our family code about someone being cool is They GET it. They grok white privilege, injustice, multilayer existence. And they want to make a difference, be it in arts, healing, the justice system. They don’t go back to their smug privileged lives after writing a check. They actively engage and risk being transformed forever.

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Goddess Bless you & yours, Kat 🙂 Totally raises my Qi to know that you’re out there fighting the good fight & working to level the playing field. That is patriotic as fuq & you make me proud to be an American. Putting these Great Lakes fresh water energies to good use, working for Justice 😉 Rock out!

Kat
Kat

Yesss and let’s not put nuclear waste next to our crystals- WTH- And back at you Ankh!! My job depends on a grant that has been gradually cut from 20 hours to 15 and they want more admin-compliance dotted line stuff. This week twice I saw a woman who steers that committee. She was in disbelief- like wow I have seen you twice at this (posh) venue. The second time- my friend and her husband were honored as foster parent of the year- and received the award named for this lady’s late husband. I serve on a youth advocacy board… Read more »

Lizbeth
Lizbeth

@Rachael
I am so buying and reading that book.
Great link. Thanks for sharing!

Liberating Venus
Liberating Venus

Whoa – sounds a lot like someone was having a Pluto transit!

This is basically what Joyce Mason describes as “Transformational Blindness, and as one with Sun/Pluto + Pluto conjunct my Ascendant, you bet I’m all too familiar with the process. Let me go dig around for her direct quote about the subject, because it was one of those “hitting gold” moments for me. I’ve no doubt other Plutonians or those experiencing a Pluto transit will resonate with the message…

Liberating Venus
Liberating Venus

Ah, here it is: “The biggest thing I’m getting more familiar and comfortable with is being in what I call the Place Between. That’s where, in the process of morphing, you’re no longer a caterpillar, but you’re not yet a butterfly. Furthermore, in the goo state of formlessness, you can’t see what you’re becoming. I talked about this in The Depths of Change as transformational blindness. It’s difficult be fully comfortable in this place, because in a lot of ways, it’s a no-place. I try to view it like the empty mind we seek to achieve in meditation, creating a… Read more »

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Yes! I’ve always thought of it as “tolerating ambiguity.” There is a space in between & it can be so trying to be there with no idea when you’ll reach the other side. This was definitely on my menu when Saturn transited Libra & over my Pluto-Moon. Learning to tolerate this ambiguous state was one of two things available, the other being Death. My 7th house.

supakali
supakali

liminality – I’m a whore for it

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Liminality is a boss word. Mercury in Gemini.

skarab
skarab

Thanx for this word, supakali – 🙂

I now have a name for my country: Liminalia – which makes me a Liminalian … always knew i was an alian 😛

akapluto
akapluto

Pluto conjunct merc/sun. yup yup yup.

The Venus Fly 2.0
The Venus Fly 2.0

Interesting that this comes up today, as today I genuinely pondering if the Universe is ‘testing’ where I am at in my evolution. 2.5 years ago I worked at a creative space that lauds itself as great but is actually deeply limiting and stagnant. In the 2 years I was there I never, not once, bumped into anyone outside of school. In the last three weeks, each week, I have bumped into 3 separate people at 3 separate places around the city. When I left the place I was so angry about the experience. These days after bumping into these… Read more »

The Venus Fly 2.0
The Venus Fly 2.0

TYPO – my FACE not my house.

I am currently experiencing a minor lung infection and must be uber high off these vaporub fumes ;P

Alejandro Sifuentes
Alejandro Sifuentes

Something Beautiful is emerging with in US and around us . Thank you Mystic

Prince stolas
Prince stolas

Pure synchronicity Mystic. Thank you.

Prince stolas
Prince stolas

There are probably so many that you are thinking, who needs another one? But i signed up to become a yoga teacher. New phase activated baby!

Lizbeth
Lizbeth

How funny!
I signed up for a yoga teacher training retreat in India last year because I knew I needed the break but in the end I didn’t go because I got “too busy” oh the irony.

If you want to do yoga teacher training then DO IT!
I think it’s wonderful, even if you don’t end up teaching it will still be a major life upgrade and btw THE WORLD NEEDS MORE YOGA TEACHERS!
Go You!
Go Yoga!
I’m envious as fuq!

Prince Stolas
Prince Stolas

Thanks! I didn’t know you bailed on it. I am so behind on everybody’s growth here. I actually thought you were already done with it. whoops. But maybe if it’s meant to be you’ll get another swipe at it? I paid a hefty deposit and already bought my first book so there is no backing out.

Fish becs
Fish becs

Love.
Just perfect. If I could find words to describe the magnitude of transformation this week I would.

Lizbeth
Lizbeth

Holy shit
That is perfect.
I was JUST sitting here thinking I am killing myself. This is crazy. I’m so tired and unhappy. Maybe it’s a mistake. Maybe my gut instinct is just WRONG this time. Why is this so fuqin hard?
Why do I feel all the emotions in the passage above?

Maybe I should stop or take the advice of well meaning friends and not be so obsessed with wrapping this up.

I logged seeking some reassurance because even though I know the answers FEELING them is just so rough.

Thank you MM.

R(Aqua/Tauri)
R(Aqua/Tauri)

For you: http://conceptuelle.tumblr.com/image/116884771257
<3

Don't stop! Just approach it in a more…Stoic… way. I'm sorry you are struggling right now. 🙁

Cygnette
Cygnette

YES this is perfect, thank you so much. I cried when I read it. No preaching, no telling me what to do, just understanding. What a brilliant reminder of the power of deep empathy. No need to pull us back into the modern day shitfest of proving how together we are. MM has this amazing gift for profound insight and timing. What amazing grace. Feeling the answers can be devastating, especially when you don’t know the actual way forward. I have been struggling for months after a breakdown in my health (degenerative spinal condition) forced me out of a dream… Read more »

Aries gal
Aries gal

Cygnettte thank YOU for your story … I cannot relate in anyway but you are in my thoughts. I’m glad you’ve found insight and inspiration

Your story and example of the kookaburra has given me some great insights, thank you

Birdstargirl
Birdstargirl

This imagery was amazing in my head. If I still painted in would try.

jediwarriormonk
jediwarriormonk

maybe you found your totem animal?

piscorp
piscorp

ffs please feed the kooka and call wires asap. Birds are not omens when they are suffering and asking YOU for help.

Pi
Pi

yes, this. sick animal needing help trumps contemplating totemic significance. good luck x

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

Hey hon. You’re doing it very tough at the mo. Been reading your posts. Can I offer another perspective? You are writing a book yes? Aiming for a huge word count (no judgements here but generally speaking, aiming for only 1000w a day is considered pretty hard core) Obvs this was my experience and may not ring true for you but I reckon I can spot a writer who needs balance at twenty paces. The creative process and spending so much time internally focused can sent a girl quietly nuts. It’s a particular kind of madness, writing a book, and… Read more »

Cygnette
Cygnette

Chrysalis, thank you, you are incredibly insightful and spot on with your advice. And Aries gal, I’m glad my story helped. Kookaburra is now flying into the glass to try and get in. I hope she doesn’t break something 🙁

Equilibrium Girl
Equilibrium Girl

Hey Cygnette, I had a Kookaburra as a kid who was like your one. We ended up calling the local vet and they told us to put some food out and try to distract it. It went away after a few days, got over its obsession with getting inside. Occasionally, a Kooka would fly inside (not sure if it was the same one) and perch on our kitchen wall (kind of a half-wall between rooms.) She’d just watch us for a while then fly out. Of course, I’d be in a mad panic. Taught me to always close the deck… Read more »

Cygnette
Cygnette

Well funny, glad I’m not imagining it! And I did try to feed Kooky – she watched me as I put out the food but ignored it. Last time she sat on the chair outside the door, I got right up close and started knocking on the glass, literally cms away from her. She perked up. I like to think she realised that the barrier was real. Since my revelation (see above), she has returned to sitting on her usual branch on her usual tree and occasionally visiting the back patio with her mate. I’m glad because she made one… Read more »

supakali
supakali

yes, good advice Chrys!

I’m currently writing 1000/day, but only 7 days a f/n. Nothing like overestimating your target to shut down the process entirely! However I think Lizbeth can manage a bit more without the academic conventions.

I’ve also started drawing beforehand to slip into a creative zone and ask to write with ease and quantity before I start.

Time out is v. important. When you’re not doing it you’re NOT doing it! Hurray! Heightens the pleasure of both x

Lizbeth
Lizbeth

Wow.. Thank you so much for all the support homies. I’ve been offline and “on a break” and slept really well last night, took care of my body and rested, ate well etc all of yesterday. I know if I get onto this site it’s never a quick visit so effectively I need to block out an hour or two because I HAVE to read everyone’s comments and get so sucked in by the genuine connection I feel with people here, so I resisted the urge until now. I am hahahahahaha Lost for words? NEVER! (cue verbal vomit on keyboard)… Read more »

Kat
Kat

Formula for speed does not work with potty training either!!! I know many OCD traumatized kids who had the process totally ripped away from them. They “regressed” then it had to be done with the child buying in. Your authentic voice does not want to sound like talking points. The Seth books by Jane Roberts were hand written one session at a time over many months/years. Yet each chapter is a stand alone jewel. Very instructive in creative process/form and resting in between. This astro has been full on assault for challenging my core beliefs- my loves and hates, my… Read more »

Lizbeth
Lizbeth

Thank you! xoxo

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Yes, basic needs to thrive: food, water, shelter, wifi. Not necessarily in that order.

Lizbeth
Lizbeth

LOL
Exactly!

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

Oh that’s very cool! Great way to still the mind in prep for writing and to be receptive to ‘flow’. Nice to hear you are working on something new xx

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

..For Calypso above x

supakali
supakali

Hi Chrys,

thanks but it’s the same old thing….finally have the headspace, or the Zapface, to finish it. It simply wasn’t possible before, but, like everyone else is sayin, I’m a new woman now.

Aaaand, divine timing, probs xx

Chrysalis
Chrysalis

Good on you hon’… finishing on your own terms in your own (divine) time. It will be all the sweeter once it’s done xxx

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

SupaKali u’ve so next-leveled ur game! U R brand spanking new & sparkly 🙂

Lizbeth
Lizbeth

Just back from quick and dirty weights session, off to have lunch with a friend.
Yesterday I got an email from the estate agent saying that I don’t even need a guarantor to sign for me. The landlord considers me a “model tenant” and doesn’t feel the need for a guarantor if I wish to renew my lease and stay in my lovely flat. YAY!
So great not to have to the the signature of THE MAN – I can do this on my own!
Ha!

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

OMG that’s GREAT, Lizbeth! Next-level! 🙂

Lizbeth
Lizbeth

@Ankh I know right? Its just such a #GIRLBOSS kind of feeling. It’s a mixture of exhilaration,relief, fear and accomplishment, a kind of validation that I have climbed this high mixed with the vertigo of, its all up to me. I got this. Thank you for the cheer! x It feels similar to when I paid off all my debt and finally decided to get credit cards again to book airplane tickets – they can actually come in handy if you use them wisely and help to establish a good credit rating. But there is always the fear of failure,… Read more »

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Fuq Yeah!! RAHHH

Prince stolas
Prince stolas

Smells like freedom to me! 😀 congrats!

supakali
supakali

Ding Ding Ding!!!

😀 😀 😀

ps. I know right? I can see the apex now Ankh and when I get there I’m gunna sit down and enjoy the view x

Lizbeth
Lizbeth

Nathalie Goldberg, whom I adore and should probably revisit said that when she stopped painting to prioritise writing and because she didn’t think her paintings were that great anyway, it really blocked her ability to write. She realised that she needed to paint because she enjoyed painting, not because she was good or not good at it. It helped her get into that creative zone. I’m thrilled you’re doing it too and that it’s helping you. I may take a leaf from your book and start drawing again too. Because I enjoy it. @Birdstagirl, may I ask why you stopped… Read more »