Ask Mystic: Dating The Distant Leo

Filed in Ask Mystic

Falling In Love Magazine August 1960

 Dear Mystic,
I recently have begun a dating someone who is as he puts it “is emotionally available, but not physically available”. He is a Leo, I am a Pisces. We get along amazingly. Similar humor, moral principles, thought processes, respect, and loads of workaholic vibes. So naturally we get each other. He is super supportive and at the same time challenges me on shit I need to be challenged on. While I adore that he wants to spend time with me dating and snuggling sleepovers once a week, I am absolutely frustrated by the resistance he has to taking things more intimately.

IE; no sex. I have asked him straight up all the obvious questions. Do you have an std? Is there someone else? Are you actually into same sex relationships and not aware of it? He says no to all. It has been almost 2 months like this. I would love to be open to dating other people but I’m super loyal and can’t deal with dating a ton. Not sure if there is something in the stars here that could be putting his interest somewhere else? Or if I’m just a place keeper for the time being? I’m having a hard time having patience with this one. As it’s pulling up all sorts of insecurity scenarios in my mind.

My big question here, is it worth sticking it out to see if there is a romantic connection here? Or do I move on?

As always thanks for your brilliant input!
Hecate Rising

Dear Hecate Rising,

What a fascinating question! And i know the P.I.A.B.s here are going to be extra erudite and illuminating on this one.

Okay so if you really do have Hecate Rising, consider a spell?  Dress up as his Venus sign? Mirrors on the ceiling?  Power Hair? Okay i am jesting with the classic Leo cliches.  This MUST be frustrating as fuq and humiliating as hell.

But let us look at the bright side here. He is honest and up front. He is not playing games. Could it be that he is just packing a super low sex drive?  Like he is literally A-Sexual?  Does he get aroused during the “snuggling.”?

As a Pisces, YOU Have Saturn square Neptune all over your fishy arse for the next two years so let’s not go there with the insecurity scenarios, natural as they may be in the circumstances.

So if he is truly not into sex than you will have to friend-zone him at some point, right? If he has some savagely hot strange Leo kink thing going down,  he is bound to tell you at some point, yes?

I would give this dalliance until Mercury Direct, enjoy his company but – if sex is important to you in a relationship or potential relationship – start pulling your energy out of this. See if he comes to you with anything more.

I mean, seriously, Jupiter is in Leo and blasting toward Uranus in Aries – that’s got to shake out the HORN of even the most reluctant Leo.

The problem here is that Pisceans do so love a PROJECT – so you get could hooked into this and it becomes a kind of masochistic zombie scene, complete with him lying in bed reading Eckert Tolle to you whilst you writhe around in that week’s lure outfit – suspender belt, latex, whatever.

But what if he is  just old-school chivalrous and genuinely wants to get to know you better before becoming more intimate? How cool would that be?  Juno is on Jupiter – he may want to meet his Queen.

Remember, Saturn in Scorpio – still not done yet – is making a lot of people think more deeply re where they direct their sexual energies.

What does everyone else think?

 

Image: Falling In Love Magazine – August 1960

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105 thoughts on “Ask Mystic: Dating The Distant Leo

  1. Thanks everyone,this whole thread has kept me amused and lol for a half hour: some great advice in there

  2. I’m not happy with the word micropeen. Its not elegant (on so many levels). My first thought was micropene, then I thought why not just ‘penne’. Al dente 😉

  3. Starting slow is great, if you are both on the same page and have each communicated your needs and desires clearly on this point. Seems like you guys haven’t.

    Although it seems like a good idea to get him to expand upon this topic and get a conversation going, the fact of the matter is you already know you have incompatible libidos, and as someone up the thread said, it is a gift to find this out so early. Mismatched libidos is a road to misery- for BOTH of you. Just part amicably or switch to friends- with NO cuddling. It won’t be good for your self-esteem otherwise.

  4. mmm…Ive been online dating for a bit over a month and seem to have had far too much interest from Leo men for my liking. My experience is that a few have actually been attached but were just testing out the single waters before jumping ship- one even accidentally sent me a text meant for his WIFE!!! A couple of others blew all hot n pushy charm then zip nada- as if constructing romantic missives has drained the stuffing out of them (or something better n less effort has come along, more likely). Well, good luck HR- I don’t know what your Leo’s sexual potency problem is but I say beware of any guy who monopolises your emotional and sexual space by COCK BLOCKING!!!

  5. One more thought–if he has high blood pressure or is on meds for high blood pressure, the king won’t rise.

    • Sorry but that’s not true.
      Source : a male with elevated BP on daily medication that can’t keep it down.

      Elevated blood pressure can cause faster ejaculation and any of you out there who’s partner feels that they have little control over their speedy ejaculation should get their BP checked.

  6. If the dude is ‘physically unavailable’, then who is being snuggled up with?
    We all come as a whole person, with body, mind, soul etc – all aspects of The self, and a fundamentsal aspect is being denied. The reason may not even be the important thing to focus on.

    I wonder if this person is now calling the shots and you are not on an equal footing? He decides on what is done and when. And it sounds like not what you want.

    You get to choose what you do and I wish you well. I hope you find much joy in life.

  7. I had a flashback to my Leo ex reading this : “He in bed reading Eckert Tolle whilst you writhe around in that weeks’ lure outfit… HE HAS NO LIBIDO, YOU DO, GET OUT NOW OR THIS WILL HAPPEN! Or, he will consent to a perfunctory once a month boning session, then happily go to sleep while you cry in the shower and touch yourself the way you wish HE would.

    Unless you are planning on going on anti-depressants: in which case, snuggle in bed, eat carbs, get fappy and marvel at how your poontang has become an optional extra that you could place on the shelf to gather dust for all you care. ALSO happened to me.

    But if you want to be desired, admired and sexually fulfilled with your chosen partner, this guy is not the one for you. Srsly.

  8. He’s told you he’s not available – BELIEVE him. Besides, until you know the man in the flesh, you have no way of knowing if ANYTHING he tells you is true. Electronic communication is made for lying.

  9. Two months….. a man….. no sex!?!?!?!

    Nope the fuq out of there!

    Who cares what he says or even what the real reason is. Men don’t act like that normally.

  10. AND MICROPEEN FOR THE WIN!!!

    (I just wanted to write ‘micropeen’ as it totally makes me LOL!!!)

  11. I wonder when the last time he was ‘physically available’? Surely he has at some point? And when did he stop being physically available? And is it just you? Is he interested in being physically available for someone but is just not feeling it for you? Seems so strange to me… I think he wouldn’t be doing all the other stuff unless he liked you as ‘more than a friend’ but for some reason he is reverse cock blocking you lol.

    One thing he does seem to be showing you very clearly is one giant red flag! And you’re being given the gift of being able to see it nice and early. I would stop things now. To me he clearly has some big issue and do you really want to be a part of it? Esp when the beginning of a relationship is supposed to be the nice fun part before everyone’s ‘stuff’ comes out.

    It sucks, as it is hard to find people you click like that with. :/ But sounds like a world of trouble. Unless perhaps he comes out and tells you exactly why he is physically unavailable and it makes sense and isn’t some mumbo jumbo bullsh*t.

    I have Venus in Cap so am not one to rush into things but 2 months seems like a long time… And even if someone wanted to wait a while, they would still likely seem excited by you?

    Good luck!!!!!!

  12. Can you explain that clear communication in any important relationship is very important to you?
    That you feel the need to move on if you cannot have clarity on a) sex b) what he wants in general? I think that’s fair. You say you don’t want to date around so it’s what is right for you.
    Interesting comments on this thread! Good luck, xx.

  13. Eeee, I love this question! There are a few possibilities:

    a) he is lying and there is someone else/other people (a private investigator can clear that up for you).

    b) he is into you but needs more time–you need to do this bloke’s astro chart! Leo is NOT enough information. The sleazometer is your friend! Get his birth time and ANALYSE!! Such fun! Just say you’re really into asto and do all your friends’ birth charts!

    c) He just wants to be friends?

    Have fun!

  14. I am confused, you asked him directly a series of questions and he says no and then what? does he have an actual definitive statement on any of this? because I am not fucking people right now but my natural inclination would be to very clearly outline my physical boundaries with someone so they did not have to ask such questions. There seems to be a communication issue more than anything. He’s obviously got a good reason because he is being somewhat intimate with you i.e. cuddling and regular dating, so I would rule out the not into thing because you’d be completely thick to not realise that wasn’t going to be a problem later unless you said it was fine and now its not. I need way more info here, you guys need a really good chat so everything is really clear and understood intent with both parties, then and only then can you see if you want to proceed. Ignoring this will lead to headfuckery

    • my confusion looks a lot like this.

      plus, I rule out married, because if married and doing this wouldn’t sex be the point? well, OK, not necessarily…but I don’t think married.

      also I don’t think he is being “resistant” – “not physically available” sounds like something else.

      look, he could have a good reason and he might not want to tell you it this early for a good reason.

      However, can you deal? I am still unclear if this is a permanent thing or no. I hope you have more clarity about that than I do, and if you do, please tell!

      • Exactly, most married men looking to have an affair of any kind (yes emotional) would not be like this, most of them are way too about the sex with NO emotional availability. I get hit on by enough of them to know. More likely:

        Girlfriend in another country/ In love and getting over someone not there/ Overcoming sexual assault/ Recent LT breakup/ Therapy/ Death in the family/ Anxiety around intimacy and sex/ Left the mother of his children recently etc

        Any of this could be applicable but all speculation from the net. I know Pisceans are not famous or into direct communication but this is exactly what you need cause none of this matters until you both find out exactly why and what you both want. Just don’t bullshit yourself if you want something more and think you can get it out of him if you are not happy now.

  15. I am a male possibly in Distant Leo’s position. I turned 62 on Sunday but physically everything still works fine. Its been over 4 years since my last steady relationship and I am very nervous about sexual intimacy. I realized after that relationship ended that all of my past relationships had started with sex and were based on sex. Consequently I feel that we projected to fill in the gaps and facilitate the great sex we shared.
    I met a Crab about 2 months ago and was immediately excited by and drawn to her. We live a day’s drive apart and so have only spent about 8 days together.

    I explained that I didn’t want to base my next significant relationship on sex but wanted to get to know her first. We have spoken openly and honestly about it from day one. Unfortunately this seems to be all we talk about now.
    Dear M.M. has as usual hit the nail on the head when she said “This MUST be frustrating as fuq and humiliating as hell.” I’m sure that my new acquaintance feels very much like that.
    The long and the short of it is that almost from day one this has become “The Issue”.
    Strange as it may seem, this has exponentially increased my new relationship anxiety and now all I want to do is run like hell.
    My abstinence my be a deal breaker for her but her reaction to it is a deal breaker for me. I have stopped communicating with her altogether.

    • When you find someone who respects that boundary, you will have less anxiety.
      May you find someone exciting and zingy who respects your choices!

    • Props to you for sticking to your guns. Intellectual and emotional rapport needs to be nourished as well.

      • Thank you Cosmic Phoenix and Birdstar for your supportive comments.
        I am a triple Toro with a Crab Moon and Venus in Aries.
        It seems this is a unpopular stance, possibly due to cultural and peer expectations.
        ” Intellectual and emotional rapport” and humour are what can attract and hold me. Sexual intimacy needs to be there but is to me the icing on the cake not the foundation.
        My stance does not exclude long phone calls, frequent txts, affection, hugs, kisses,cuddles, snuggly nights over etc, but I haven’t been able to stop this being interpreted as mixed signals. Maybe I need to try harder.
        In Hecate Rising’s case maybe the Distant Leo has not explained his position which is a worry.
        Initial abstinence has to be explained and discussed to (hopefully) avoid generating feelings of frustration and humiliation.

        • Yes to communication. Hope it works out for you, HS. My partner has Crab Moon, it’s a powerful placement in a caring relationship. 😉

    • Dear Horned Serpent, this is the nature of the inverse flow of energy! By pointing out the topic clearly, we attract a lot of attention to that topic. No matter the topic.
      It’s not really her ‘fault’ or yours in that sense.

      If you like her, just be really chilled on the topic and laugh at her, give a massage or do something ‘root chakra’ to address that aspect of her energy field. Her root chakra is confused that you don’t want to talk to it.

      • Yes, I agree with what you are saying. I certainly don’t want to make this a blame fest. Its not the usual run of the mill scenario and so its bound to get a bit bumpy at times.
        The root chakra idea has lots of merit and I already dusted off the massage table in readiness but that opportunity has not arrived yet. I had considered doing both the massage and root chakra together.
        I have a feeling we will get together again in a few weeks.
        In the meantime, it has been truly serendipitous to be involved in this thread and gain insight into our situation.

    • Ah, but the difference is that you are communicating your position. Apparently, from what we’ve been told, the Leo is stating they are ‘physically unavailable’ so he is choosing to be vague while scoring the emotional intimacy without actually BEING emotionally intimate.

      As a fellow Taurus I’m with you about stating your position clearly and if those boundaries are not honored leaving the meadow for greener pastures. Don’t knock anyone over when you charge out of your situation now ;P <3

      • yes. It wasnt clear to me if the distant Leo was being clear about what was going on for him. with miss Pisces up there

  16. I’m confused. Have you asked him if he wants to have sex with you? I would see that as being more useful than asking Mystic, as enjoyable as her response is. If you have and he’s answered something like ‘I just don’t want to’- that’s the answer. And if I heard that I’d get out of there. In the early days of a relationship sex is god.

  17. Have you ever been invited to his place or been introduced to his friends or workmates?

    Ask him directly if and when he will be physically available

  18. This bird. I could place a personal ad that said – “looking for someone comfortable and supportive, will exchange for food. Specific strings attached!”

      • Haha Bird I actually reconsidered my reply after I hit send. I know many people who don’t!! Although it sounds like this person sure does.

        • maybe there is one person who can unify themselves with us, i don’t know if anyone has given up on that entirely, its pretty pervasive. but i think you have to have your ish pretty together to be able to perform yabyum and join the cosmic wow,

          i wish everyone the best in their quest, the grail, not the con kind

  19. Um, I’m just going to throw this one out there.

    Maybe one person just wants that one specific way of relating, for whatever reason

    And you agreed to it.

    But not really. You want more.

    If I could have a once a week snuggle buddy I’d be psyched, but that’s me. Don’t say you’re okay with something you’re not okay with?

    You want more . There’s no need to go fishing for reasons.

    “I won’t have sex with you but can offer this”

    “ok, cool” (maybe he means yes)

    Nope. Just let what people say and do be what they say and do.

    And do what you say you’ll do. You said, sweet! Snuggles! but you want more.

    The shifty thing you’re questioning is your own truth. You want more. Let the guy off the hook and either snuggle or don’t. If I found out a date who agreed to those conditions was trying to trick me into more ideas be pissed

    Be honest about YOUR needs and you won’t have to ascertain the shame behind his penis size or his asexuality/marriage.

    Goddess forbid we learn how to ask for what we really need.

    • if we’re working on neural retraining and the sacred feminine, can we work on training ourselves to not look for reasons outside of ourselves to explain how we’re disempowered?

      i mean “he’s just not that into you” and “he’s married” are kind of our go-tos as a result of conditioning and historical repeated patterns.

      on the larger view, what if we looked at how we’re participating in this? how we try to make someone who offers us

      “We get along amazingly. Similar humor, moral principles, thought processes, respect, and loads of workaholic vibes. So naturally we get each other. He is super supportive and at the same time challenges me on shit I need to be challenged on. While I adore that he wants to spend time with me dating and snuggling sleepovers once a week” but won’t do ALL THE OTHER THINGS

      just say ” i want it all” and see if that sounds sane. “i love that you do all of those things for/with me, but i want more and suspect that the reason you can’t commit to being my partner/soulmate forever is because (insert sociologically ascribed anecdotal evidence here) and i find that unacceptable.”

      i have to be explicit about what i give consent to physically and emotionally in relationships and am amazed at how clear i am and that people try to negotiate with me instead of acting on the agreed terms.

      like its too professional.

      “but you hug that person…why don’t you hug me.” jesus. because you feel me up when you hug me.

      if one of the PIAB wrote about how they had said they could offer a date affection but didn’t want sex and the person was like

      “BUT SEX? BUT SEX? BUT SEX?”

      we would advise the authorities be involved. because creepy.
      we do this. i think its worth looking at. but then again,
      i have art to make.

          • 🙂 Not sure if you ever stopped doing that, I just remember the painting convo. Art makes life better, eh?

            • life is art! at least thats where i’m headed 🙂

              just as i had replied i remembered that i had some oil sticks tucked away and i am set up with radiohead now. i’ll let you know how it goes!

              i had stopped because i didn’t have the physical strength to do it. but i’ve been working on my handwriting since september, its getting way better, and my typing is even getting less horrid. so the arms are stronger, the heart is still already strong.
              saturn was in my third when in scorpio. i have work to do still, but communication is getting redirected well. art art art

  20. OK, sorry to break your heart here. You may think you’re “dating” that Leo hottie but you’re not. We Leos don’t even think we are dating even after we have had sex with that person. I understand that every match is different blah blah blah but Leo and Pisces? Leo and Cancer? Leo and Aquarius? We have great conversations. We understand each other. We have plenty of “aww” moments but seriously, we are much better off being friends. That’s what the Leo hottie has been trying to tell you for TWO MONTHS!

  21. haha I love how everyone is like:”It’s his malfunctioning/inadequate penis!”

    Let me tell you something…

    That book “He’s Just Not That Into You” is a must read for any Piscean/Neptunian gal.

    Sure, there are exceptions to the rules…and things can change…BUT most of the time not really.

    My story:

    I reunited with a boy I was infatuated 10 years ago but lost touch with. I didn’t go for him back then because I was 18 and chubby and he was 24 and smoking hot. 10 years later I am looking good and feeling confident.

    We end up reconnecting, hanging out, and getting along amazingly. And he’s all about me. He’s texting me. He wants to see me. We kiss. Holy crap it’s a dream come true!

    So we are “dating” for about a month and this whole time no sex happens…not even nudity.

    But everything else is a romantic dream. Roses…talking for hours, walking around holding hands…

    I think, “He’s probably just waiting for the perfect moment, after all, every time we’ve slept next to eachother it’s been a weird scenario…either it was freezing in the room, or someone else was there, or there were roommates in earshot…yes, he’s waiting for it to be special.”

    Then he breaks it off with me, complete with all the guy excuses. It took me 6 months to put together that although he was fine cuddling and making out, he was not desiring of me enough to rip my clothes off and do me. It was really as simple as that. But he felt emotionally close to me enough to want that companionship…and he even dragged me along in the grey zone for a while after that- until he got a girlfriend. Who he is banging. For sure.

    People…don’t do the grey zone. If things change, fine. But you don’t need to be there while they figure out their shit. And if it doesn’t change you’ve saved yourself a heap of shitty feelings.

    If a dude has something simple going on, and they don’t want to lose you, they will tell you. And if you walk away-as a self respecting person- and they feel they made a mistake and lost you- they will try to get you back.

    Don’t waste your precious time…

    • great response! if someone is WITHHOLDING what you want or seek from them and you have communicated your needs clearly, then just walk away. Actually, fuq it- RUN!

  22. I’ve got one of these dudes in my rotation right now (he’s a Saggo/ Saggo rising). We totally vibe and have mutually agreed to friend zone-it for the time being … He is working though his Saturn stuff (and me too!). We cook , have outdoor play dates, watch movies/ play games, he sleeps over, we cuddle, he flirts, I flirt, etc. For the first time – EVER – I’m building a foundation with someone I’m attracted to. Don’t get me wrong – I’m available to other people, but I am really enjoying the friendship that is growing between us. I am getting to know him for him and not the naked version of him.

    I am a highly sexed Triple Scorpio (Mars/ Asc in Saggo; Venus in Libra) and every single one of my previous relationships was based entirely on the physical connection. I’ve never taken the time to get to know someone before jumping into the sack (don’t judge!). He and I agreed this was a mutual tendency and that moving forward, we wanted to approach our lives in a different way.

    The way I see it – the intellectual connection is more valuable and if someone needs to postpone the physical connection to solidify true compatibility – more power to them. There’s TOO MUCH emphasis put on sexual trappings to the detriment of individual human energy inhabiting those hard bodies we so desperately want smashed on top (or under) our own.

    The heart wants what the heart wants … but make sure you actually want HIM as a person. For me, it’s realizing that a man won’t validate my desire to feel sexy and there are other ways to achieve that feeling, without bumping uglies.

    • With you all the way on this one JR. I’m a highly sexed triple Toro with a Crab Moon and Venus in Aries. I posted below before I took time to read the whole thread and said:
      ” I realised after that relationship ended that many of my past relationships had started with sex and were based on sex. Consequently I feel that we projected to fill in the gaps and facilitate the great sex we shared.”
      I am still up for a sexual relationship but for something long term I don’t want it based on sex. Many of my previous significant relationships ended when we realised that outside of sex we didn’t like who the other person really was. Its like sex too soon in a relationship puts blurry filter on everything.
      I don’t know how long is too long to wait and I’m sure that it is different for everyone but I definitely would like to get a look at the other person first.
      The down-side seems to be that because of cultural expectations and peer pressure this can be a very unpopular stance.

      • It’s very difficult to not follow the crowd on this one, but I know I’m doing the right thing for my future. Realizing my previous relationships were shallow (by my definition) was a wake up for me. I’m glad to know my position is not THAT uncommon and your comment helps me to feel more confident as I continue to move along this new path. I wish for you what I wish for myself – May you find the one who really sees you and loves what they see.

  23. just occurred to me earlier , there was a useful piece of advice I read somewhere : ‘when someone reveals themself to you, believe them.’

    Whatever his reasons, he has said specifically that he is not physically available. So if physical /sexual involvement is an important part of togetherness for you, then he simply cannot / is not offering you the ingredients you need.

    tempting as it is to wish to enmesh yourself in his reasons, if he’s not being any more forthcoming, you have to ask yourself does this thing even have legs. Admittedly 8 weeks is not long (I’m a cap moon, but then again Venus in Aries so yeah) but if he was conserving his energy for some legit reason then he could at least open up about this to some degree by now. So. take mr fixed sign Leo at face value. He says he is not physically avail: he is not physically avail.

    I dated a Leo for a while who was (remains) super good company – intelligent, great conversations, gifted EQ, other stuff, – but we just didn’t mesh in bed. There was a LOT of other stuff happening in my life contributing but us somehow not clicking in le boudoir was a major contributing factor to it not working out, esp when smokin hot sex would probably have provided some great therapy at the time. LOL. It made me realise that mental and social compatibity feels REALLY REALLY GOOD (esp after dating bad bad choices) but without the steamy windows … You know.
    It’s a complicated equation. or not- he has stated what he’s offering, if it’s not what you want, then consider that this connectiton will not be capable of meeting your needs no matter how fcking beautiful/awesome/horny you are and in spite of other fun / fulfilling aspects of being together. X

    • Yes! This! Usually when a guy tells you straight up that he is not avail or whatever, he usually means it. Also, he is telling you that to assuage whatever guilt that may come up after he takes you for a ride. That way he can say “look. I told you so!”. Don’t take it as a challenge. Take it as the truth.

      • I keep thinking of that film, 500 days of summer. She says at the outset, so I’m only really up for casual stuff right now, then he spends 18 months as a love zombie because it wasn’t what he wanted to hear or could grasp while zombing out. And ultimately driving everyone insane.

      • Reminds me of Betty Draper on Mad Men: “I’ve learned to believe people when they tell you it’s over. They don’t want to say it, so it’s usually the truth.”

        • yes. and it’s often a long ride (in life) getting to the point where you realise you are better off believing them, too.
          I uttered this once, wistfully, at work somewhere –
          you can’t *make* them love you

          (to which a male lovely-Libran then-colleague responded, “no matter how hard you try!”)

  24. OK, I’m going in for the kill here:

    With Mars currently squaring Neptune, I would wonder if he might have an E.D. issue? You know, can’t get “it” up?

    I’m not making light of anything, you understand – it’s an honest astro-speculation as to why he’s being the “perfect gentleman”. If you’ve confronted him about everything else and he’s denied, unless he is lying this would be what I put my money on.

    The question then becomes: Is this a deal-breaker for you?

    • Aaaaaand just read the rest of the comments and that saw hermes26 beat me to the punch! Yup, I *totally* cosign that shit!

  25. Could be that he’s not into sex. I dated an aqua like that. 2 yrs of blue box. 100% not worth it.

    Also he could have ED if he is older.

    Or secretly married….

    But tbh 2 months of waiting is not that long. You say you have sleepovers 1x per week? That means you have only hung out 8x. That is not enough time to establish intimacy for most people. Great if you just thinking about hitting it though no strings attached!

  26. Yes, some men have very legit reasons for not wanting to go there.

    I’ve dated a few men who wanted to be involved/dating but not fuq, who I’ve had to basically ply with alcohol to get into the sac. It’s frustrating, but here’s what I’ve learned.

    Guy 1: Didn’t want to be in a relationship, and didn’t want to do the wrong thing by me. (Capricorn Moon). I wish I had listened, because he was right – he didn’t want to be in a relationship. He wanted a flirtatious friendship while he sorted his life out. Fail.

    Guy 2: Wanted his next woman to be “the one”. Wasn’t sure if that was me, and he was right, it wasn’t.

    Guy 3: Erectile problems.

    To be clear, you might be thinking I’m a vile creature, but usually I have to fight men off.

    I would say this: if YOU want to go there, and he’s not meeting that need, then I would communicate that, say thank you, and that you don’t want to invest emotionally in someone who cannot meet your physical needs also.

    It’s like the opposite is true also: if he was the best man ever, and you loved him like crazy, but he was a player, you could still love him, but you would still need to respect your need for monogamy if you had it and leave him and move on.

    No hate.

    Enticing a man into the sac when he isn’t really there is always going to end in frustration.

    He knows why he doesn’t want to have sex, and you need to respect that, and yourself, and move on. Boundaries.

    Caveat: all opinions my own!!

  27. Run.

    Don’t look back.

    I speak from experience, as a fellow Pisces sun. Mystic is so right. Don’t we Pisceans love a bloody project. Don’t we just loooove ‘fixing’ someone (while un-fixing ourselves).

    Nup. No more.

    ALSO, I am one of those people over-careful about who I date let alone sleep with, but if I want someone, I WANT them, and yes – two months is enough time to know.

    He is either married/not enough into you/has issues.

    If he has issues, he can sort them out in his own time. Not your responsibility.

    Keep him as a friend if you’d like to.

    Wishing you all the best. x

    • This is very well put. Succinct and puts the onus on the other person to be mature enough to deal with their pre-existing intimacy issues in their own time and not bring it into a new rrelationship for the next overly-giving person to tie themselves in knots over.

    • Yep – spot on re Pisceans and projects. We do love a good rescue mission and sheesh once we put on the Neptune goggles and spot the nanoparticle of potential, we’ll put up with all manner of real-world crap. I am Neptune opp Jupe so I’ve got some absolute horrors in the back catalogue.

  28. I think that after two months of weekly snuggly sleepovers you should know for sure why he’s not sleeping with you.

    Also, of course it’s bringing up insecurity issues! How would it not? That’s not your fault. You’re not supposed to be too cool to care that this guy is shady. This is how all manner of bad things happen to Pisces who otherwise know better.

  29. If he was all over her relentlessly, he would be ‘rushing it’. If he states he’s physically unavailable, he has a micro penis.

    If I may be honest? If he wanted to ‘woo’ you he’d be doing exactly that on every level. He wants to share emotional intimacy but not sexual intimacy and he claims that so take him on his word – he’s just not physically interested.

    However, it seems the Fish Lady IS into him which is why she’s sending in for advice to see if he’s worth ‘holding out’ for which is your answer in itself – no.

    He doesn’t want you.

    Not be harsh but it’s hard, especially when you ‘vibe’ with someone because let’s be honest, it doesn’t turn up everyday. But he doesn’t want you. So he’s not worth holding out.

    I would move things into the friends zone. If you are incapable of that, let him know that as much you enjoy him, it’s hard to be friends and snuggle buddies with someone you want who doesn’t want that (and he doesn’t) and cut your losses and go find someone who will LOVE to make love to you in every way possible – mind, body and soul.

    Good luck!

    P.S. “Remember, Saturn in Scorpio – still not done yet – is making a lot of people think more deeply re where they direct their sexual energies.” REALLY resonates with me. After 5 years of chosen celibacy, with a hardcore crush a year ago that went nowhere I am crazy longing for union but kinda disheartened (though still hopeful) as I currently live in a culture that is deeply removed from their sensual nature. I don’t want to invest in my long-held belief that this culture cannot provide me with sensual/intimate connection but damn, it’s hard to NOT fall back on that belief, especially when every quality woman I’ve known has had to leave the country to meet a great mate and every American/European I know echoes the same sentiments I feel, lol.

    Guess I continue having ‘faith’ but damn, it’s challenging. Such a romantic wasteland out here…!

    • great advice. well everyone’s actually.
      leave the country?? i fear from experience you must be talking about my country. even if you’re not, you are. omg. this hadn’t occurred to me. leave my country…

  30. I’d suggest reading a great book called ‘Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay’ – it’s an oldie, but you can get it on Kindle.

    It’s a basic diagnostic tool for when you have relationship ambivalence, which you definitely do (and it’s soooo common … so don’t think you’re alone!).

    I’m a Leo female who has been gently wooing a Leo male for ages. I know he adores me, but it’s been a long, slow process of winning his trust and letting him know that I won’t trash his ego. This includes the physical side. It’s taken two years for him to spontaneously reach for my hand when we’re out. Maybe your Leo got his pride truly mangled in a past relationship and his is a trust issue.

    Good luck – and do what is right for you!

    • I dont know your sun/rising/aspects, but your considered non-judgemental reply , with liberal (surprsing) self effacing anecdotal consideration doesn’t scream leo …. but it purrs something velvety and warm that made me read it again… bravo

  31. …ok this hit a bazillion buttons for me. You have just described the beginning of my relationship with my (now ex) husband. I was charmed and wooed and seduced with the non-bed stuff and found myself questioning whether sex was ‘important’ enough for me to ‘quibble over’. The charm offensive messed with my head big time, so I compromised my true self and spent years trying to get him to be interested in me. It ate away at my sense of self, caused untold arguments and problems in the marriage and ultimately was the downfall of the relationship. As well as my ex’s sexual issues there was a lot of pass-agg /withholding power play going on (he was Mars-Lilith conj in Cancer, Neptune rising in Scorp).
    I’m sure your Leo is a great guy but it’s pretty simple. If you’re asking these questions now, trust me, in ten years’ time you will be asking the same questions and you still won’t have an answer. Don’t let it kill you slowly from the inside. Don’t compromise something so fundamental. You sound a lot more rock solid in your self than I was in my sitch. Run away, fellow Pisces, run away xx

  32. I would guess erectile dysfunction / micropeen / asexual. However if he is denying all these, what does he say when you simply ask , “why won’t you shag me?”. If he won’t answer, your relationship has already failed on the communication / openness level and walk away. If it is something he is willing to be open about and work on E.g. erectile dysfunction I encourage you to be patient and stand by him.

    • I endorse this comment. I would also say Asexual/Micropeen/other physical issue.

      Don’t settle for a relationship without sex if you are into sex. It will absolutely torture you.

      I think two months in enough time to be getting down, or at least be getting close to getting down.

      Then again I think 30 mins is enough time, but I’m a taurus.

      • I SO agree. Gemini here. Two months is forever. My (now husband) held off for a few weeks and I also was wondering “What’s with this guy!?” turns out he was just seriously nervous as all heck because he’d been celibate for about 3 years. Too nervous to function so to speak. Things were all good once I reassured him though. I hope it’s the same for Hecate Rising. But if he’s not willing to at least be open about what his issue is, it’s not sounding good.

    • Yes agree! ‘ASK’. Communication dear Pisces (my sister is Pisces…same issues arise – so to speak).

      I know Leo’s & they pride themselves in the sack, so if he’s not pouncing, he lacks the ‘self esteem’ thingy…erectile maybe?…under performance anxiety in the past?

      Ok let’s see how you go….
      X

      • And now that I’ve read your piece again, Pisces – I’ve held back above (because my sis never listened & had to learn her relational lessons as we all do)…you say it’s bringing up issues for you?

        I feel you need to step away and feed your soul; face what these issues are before you go diving deep into trying to get se

        • Into an intimate relationship with you. (Oops! I’m on iPhone, keep getting interrupted – anyway wishing you empowerment & courage to step away from him if the next chat doesn’t resolve to meet your needs.

  33. Nope. Nope. Nope.
    Every woman needs to feel sexy, desirable and wanted. This will impact on your self worth and esteem. Trust me on this – High tail it outta there.
    xo

    • Oh, that certainly sounds obvious now you put it out there! Classic physically unavailable scenario.

      My take would be: if he’s not that into you, he’s not that into you. Don’t waste your time-2 months is more than enough. Just be friends-if he wants to be more then it’s in his court and he can pursue you (infinitely more preferable anyway).

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