The Alien In The Sex Shop

Filed in Full Moons

Herbert Matter


I don’t know what you will make of this.

I work at a (sex positive, feminist, friendly, refreshingly not sketchy) adult shop outside of Portland, Oregon. On Friday night, a woman walked in pushing an empty stroller. She had dark dark skin, black hair with bright orange ends in braids artfully wrapped on top of her head. Somehow, in spite of the strangeness of a woman pushing an empty baby stroller into an adult shop, she did not give off an alarming or “weirdo” vibe.

She milled around the store a bit, before getting my attention, “can I ask you a few questions?” She seemed confused, gesturing widely and asked “what is all this for?!” I began showing her various basic products (simple silicone vibes, ben-wa balls, etc.) she asked me rapid-fire questions, and I had a difficult time maintaining composure–she kept laughing and seemed surprised at it all.

She looked at me and said “I thought sex was for procreation…” What struck me about this sentence was the complete lack of guilt, judgement or any kind of sexual-repression caused feeling in her voice. She seemed genuinely just confused and curious. I asked her where she was from and she gave me a sheepish look, “you mean what city?” — never answering. She left the store laughing at our zebra print curtains–and as she left I noticed that she had one blue eye and one brown eye.

My co-worker and I were baffled the rest of the night. “Did we just get visited by an extraterrestrial being?! Is there like, a life-form inhabiting this woman’s body for remote viewing? What just happened?!” I went home and told my partner, and before I could even get to the strangest bits, having just said, “So a woman walked into the store, dark skin, orange braids, pushing an empty stroller–” he interrupted with a firm “Alien.” I was like “Yes! What the fuq, I haven’t even told you all of it!”

So yeah. Who knows. At the very least, it was a strange interesting encounter. Before she left she asked for a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down a name, address and phone number–no explanation. I have no idea.

The energy of this woman was very non-threatening, albeit confusing. None of the feelings of anxiety and guilt I would usually feel from–well pretty much most of my customers in some respect due to the cultural weirdness towards sexuality–but especially from customers who seem particularly uninformed about adult products. She did not seem totally unhinged, crazy or strung out on some kind of substance or other. (If anything, MAYBE psychedelics)

Weird story for weird times–



I love this and yes the Eclipse Energy is super-weird. Remember, it’s Uranian energy – as well as Plutonic. I was just writing in the Capricorn Daily Scopes, that “ it gathers all the Zap Zone energy from the last year and concentrates it into a focal point of crystalline clarity.”Β 

So Plutonic energy is always like that deep gut psyche busting CHURN of old angst and sex/power issues, like your own personal underworld tour. But the Uranian Qi is just hyper-weird. People you encounter who seriously seem extraterrestrial. Gadgets acting possessed.

Synchronicity that is clearly supernatural. And things that seem theatrical – like someone put Jim Jarmusch in charge of choreographing the scene – but inexplicable by standard logic.

Meanwhile over at CERN, the world’s most expensive scientific experiment in history is – they say – about to prove the existence of parallel universes. They were meant to be doing it last week but a short circuit stopped the experiment – could it have been just a little bit sped up and your Sex Shop Alien Lady came through?

It is plausible, right?



Image: Herbert Matter

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36 thoughts on “The Alien In The Sex Shop

  1. I can relate to this story having visited a local sex shop for bit of a giggle after a few champers with a girlfriend, They were extremely friendly , knowledgeable and helpful. No aliens though but I imagine they would get all types.

  2. Also she could be someone who has had electro shock therapy (or other ) , been institutonalised / be on medication or have a certain psychological disposition and therefore her altered /different responses / naivete .

    That is all

  3. On the empty stroller pushed by homeless people/women, a number of women have lost their children and/ or are survivors of practices such as the forced removal of their baby at birth, for adoption to strangers and other reasons , (mothers with mental health issues are particularly targeted. ) it could be the stroller is asymbol of what she has lost (her child) and loss, it could be where she had her child last, and would tie into her procreatIon comment, it could also be protection. Or she could be part of a cult that is protective of outside influences and into sex for reproduction only (and other such kinky ideas.) . It’s not too far from Christian/mormon/quaker ideology

    I have to say i do find it interesting that you see difference as an indicator of being an alien

    (ps I am not an alien , and this is not alien propaganda :), though I m often described as different)

    • It was more than any one part of the story–it was just a general feeling. And that my co-workers AND partner and I all felt the same thing–

      She did not seem homeless–I actually spend a lot of time with homeless people–there are a lot in Portland.

      • I have no idea though–like I said. Who knows? At the very least, it was interesting. Part of the story I did not mention was that she visited the music store next door first, and had a CD that she was showing me–she pulled out the front cover pages and was flipping it open, showing it to me and describing how it has information about the band/lyrics, etc. Like she had never seen a CD before.

  4. Hey Rachel, do you have cctv at your shop? Maybe take a look at that video and see what you find? See if she shows up on there πŸ™‚

  5. Gadgets acting possessed? Oh now that’s freaky, because a video webcam at the reception desk at our office today was hacked and started spinning around and playing violent rap music. Ok, then, as if they wasn’t enough, I came across short film called “Webcam,” which was shot entirely on a computer webcam

  6. In my experience, ‘things’ tend to go black and white when aliens are seen/around. The environment tends to diminish and the ‘alien’ is in full colour and appears to be the only ‘thing’ with energy. Hard to explain, just like everything sort of drops away and ‘alien’ is left.
    Only seen 2 that i was aware of plus UFO that I could see whilst sitting next to a muggle who could not see it. Are you frigging kidding me – you can’t see that!!! No drugs or alcohol involved either.
    Lots see the aliens. People who speak to the body dead can often.
    Shirley MacLean caused a bit of an uproar when she talked of seeing aliens. But she is really intune to it all. She knew the second Peter Sellers had left the planet, and told those around her that he was gone.
    Anywho thats it. S

  7. well hello starry peeps ..I think they’ll turn cern on at the blood moon eclipse. O I don’t know what to think..I’m thinking love cos I want that to come to me. Love youse all..

  8. Yoko Ono, possibly an alien, recorded a song titled “Greenfield one morning, I pushed an empty baby carriage all over the city.” Very trippy piece of music.

  9. this is so epic.
    aliens are everywhere. the portal has been opened. it’s just going to increase.

  10. I’ve encountered a few…but just this week:
    I met a young hippie chick planting flowers, in vintage authentic 60’s clothes, her manner of speaking was odd.
    Perhaps, I traveled to her time.

  11. She wrote down her name, address and phone number ??! – What was her address? Andromeda? Call her already. Ground control to Major Tom.

  12. Well that’s something worth manifesting for! Aliens come beam me up! πŸ™‚ get me off of this crap planet.

    The sex shop thing makes sense since they probably think the anus is just for pooping just like they think sex is only for procreating.

  13. Hi Rachel – your story reminded me of the “Old-Lady” from the Blackfoot tribe and other northwestern tribes of N America (your neck of the woods), when reading this.

    She is what is termed as a transformer figure and sometimes a bit of a trickster, and is often portrayed as a foolish or odd being and sometimes cantankerous. But she’s also a benevolent creator figure who helps people or imparts a message or knowledge to help you along your path.

    Maybe you’re lucky enough to have had a visit from her? If I were you, i would try and write down everything that she said to you and see how that relates to you/your life. Fab story, thank you!

  14. Love this story! She must have been so visually stunning, the hair/skin/eyes, & then to have the exchange with her that you did– wow! Super charger heaven πŸ˜€ Love me a bowl of Uranian goodness in the morning!

  15. As one who is in a constant state of overstimulation , I too get the giggles in sex shops. I think the body is one big multi tooled sex toy. Robo style just makes laugh. No judgement, it’s goddam hilarious. I don’t think I’m an alien ? Mebe ?

  16. Well, I don’t know about Portland, but in my city many homeless women push empty strollers, or strollers that hold a few belongings. I have often wondered why strollers and not something bigger or more practical. Perhaps for protection, because a homeless woman would probably be the most vulnerable on the streets, and perhaps someone pushing a stroller is less likely to be assaulted.
    Sorry – I know that’s not very woo-woo!

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