Confessions Of A Scorpio Human Resources “Dementor”

Filed in SCORPIO

DementorConceptArt

 “Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them… Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself… soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.”
—Remus Lupin (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)

Well, hello! I’m your Sun in Scorpio and Scorpio Ascendant Human Resources Dementor.

Oh, no. No, I’m not here to hire you or talk about benefits. My responsibilities lie in the firing and discipline competencies of the HR field. It’s never pretty or easy. When I tell someone I work in human resources, I can see the briefest glimpse of disgust fall behind their face. Just a slip, and then a fake mask goes up immediately, with a phony high pitched voice saying, “Oooooh, human resources…” as if they’ve never heard of the term. I don’t blame them for their disgust. I don’t think Human Resources is anyone’s dream job or (*gag*) career.

I was a solid A/B student, and then the economy tanked and I fell into this work while trying to escape another truly horrible job. Everyone I worked with decided I was great at this soul-sucking gig, so I was down for the challenge of making it my bitch. You can trust… If I hear or read your name too many times, and you’re a poor performing employee and/or you are consistently breaking your boss’s balls, you’ll be on my radar. Once that happens say “Sayonara!” to your soul.

Sure, it get’s kind of lonely, and I’m okay with that. When you’re an HR dementor it’s not easy to counsel “friends,” and you’d never want to hand them a termination. It’s easier to float along solo and not form any attachments. I’ve got friends and family outside of the workplace. And it’s not like I’m a mean person. I still have manners. I’m just not going to bring cookies into the office. Like I mentioned, it’s just best for both of us if I don’t know your name.

Coworkers are rarely “nice” to me. If they are, it’s more like I hope I don’t upset you with my opinions or suggestions, so I’m going to be pleasant instead – and you can hear it in their tone. Maybe it’s because I’m not smiling with teeth 24/7. Sure, your supervisors love me. All their secrets and confessions are safe. And I tell no one. No. One. They keep cool in front of you, and meanwhile, I have to receive the long rant about your un-professionalism or incompetence, or worse – your inability to improve in those areas.

I’ve had VPs express their gratitude because they admit that they don’t want to be the ones sliding the termination letter across the table. Yes, I’ll do it – properly, with an even tone and a face like brimstone. It’s what I’ve been trained to do, and I’m good at it. It doesn’t bother me. The soul kiss is part of my job.

It’s not a quick process, and never mind that it’s “at-will” employment, it won’t be a sudden surprise to you. When I’m involved, you’ll feel me watching. You’ll smell the stench and feel the cold air. The soul kiss, whether it’s a termination, a demotion, or whatever disciplinary action, is something that we HR Dementors are always prepared for in advance, and it’ll definitely drain you. I have all your emails printed out, ready, and waiting for our final discussion.

Your tenure and performance records? Yes, I obsessed and pored over those, too. See where I’ve underlined, circled, and highlighted? And the colored tabs are all coordinated for my own notes. I’ve already spoken to all of your bosses, the security guards in the building, and I.T. is waiting for the exact minute that I’ve told them to disconnect your network access and completely “soul kiss” your work computer as well. I’m ready. I’m so prepared, I’ll know everything; when you arrive, when you leave, what you ate for breakfast, if you’re going through a breakup or divorce, if you have a drinking problem, all your previous complaints filed… I’ll know. I even wore my nicest dark suit.

I don’t want, and won’t accept, any apologies. Apologies mean nothing to me. It’s not me you’ve wronged. Sure, folks can fling insults and bad attitude – it just makes the soul kiss easier. They’re upset. I get it. But there are no second chances. If you find yourself sitting across from me at that large conference table, and you’re on the receiving end of the soul kiss, the decision has already been made. I’ve been sure of it. If there were any doubts, there would be no discussion. Using fancy words won’t impress me or change the situation. It’s especially painful if anyone tries to argue with me. I always have to remain professional and not argue back, no matter what they say.

I guess it’s just all in a long day’s work. Talk about Qi Vamps! When I get home, I like to go for a jog or enjoy a dark red wine. Then I’ll end the night by soaking in an intensely hot bath filled with rose water and pink Himalayan salts. I’ll sit there sweating and obsessing, reliving the events of the day and wondering who will be next.

JB has been dishing out soul kisses for almost a decade. Besides haunting the office, cutting the low-hanging fruit, and taking names, JB enjoys jogging, dark red wines, and intense soaks in a hot bath filled with rose water and pink Himalayan salts. JB is extremely secretive.

See Also:

Confessions Of A Virgo Pilates Instructor
Confessions Of A Piscean Newsreader
Confessions Of A Gemini Private Investigator

Image: Harry Potter Wiki

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DoubleMutableplutoic irruptionsphinxkataka/gemrising/scorpmoonSkye Recent comment authors
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plutoic irruption
plutoic irruption

i love you. you are the perfect well trained, well brought up scorpio prince or princess..

kataka/gemrising/scorpmoon
kataka/gemrising/scorpmoon

My sister has had a long 2 year battle with an incompetent, insecure, over ambitious, intellectual property stealing, grifting on others talents, psychopathic scorp manager and her HR minion. All that was written in this article is an accurate portrayal of her situation. They did not succeed in firing her. They were bewildered. Her sun sag/ moon sag is a powerful patronus. She has been wounded by this but so have they.

LiberatingVenus
LiberatingVenus

As a reader, I have to say I find the tone of this post rather disconcerting. It gives me the visual image of a shark smelling around for blood in the water and the distinct impression of a certain amount of “executioner’s delight”. Sure it’s impersonal, but if we really got down to brass tacks and peeled it all away, I wonder how much of it is actually about the power trip one gets from being in such a position? Low Scorpio certainly does relish being the Big Bad Wolf, and in that case I don’t think all the sea… Read more »

DoubleMutable
DoubleMutable

Very well-stated – I think you articulated in a bigger picture sense why this creeps so many of us out. Apart from personal experiences with these types.

Porkchop
Porkchop

I wish you could come and do a slash and burn firing session at my workplace… I am a professional (non-academic) staff member at a uni in Aus and there is lots of ‘dead wood’ because it is pretty much impossible to fire permanent staff, no matter how lazy, stupid, useless, entitled or toxic they are. It is political correctness gone mad. Yes, of course it is important to hire the right person for the role but some people interview really well and all of their issues aren’t revealed until after their probation period is over. And then the university… Read more »

tw:leo
tw:leo

i love having a union job for some reasons – but it’s so. hard. to get rid of dead wood because of it. i agree with what other peeps are saying re the perceptible foulness of hr dementor + the position/ corp(se)orate environment in general, but man, sometimes a hard-ass is needed. the whole system is screwy, but at least people with these character traits can be usefully employed and respected! especially in the face of feeble managers/ team leaders. also, i’m real plutonic under all this uber-leo-sag glitz. i secretly idolise the punisher. so…it’s not for me, but i… Read more »

Alouetta
Alouetta

I loath corporations that operate like this- it must be huge if it can give one person the dirty work. I’ve never been fired, preferring to quit before I lose interest, but I can imagine it’s pretty ego-damaging. To be fired in a way in which the person wouldn’t even argue with you would feel like being erased. I don’t think this is a good job to stay in for long. It sounds exhausting and the only compensation a sense of power over others. Dementer, maybe you should fire yourself? What would you do next? It doesn’t sound like it’s… Read more »

Anon And On
Anon And On

Reading an article like this fully legitimizes my career paranoia. Mars in Scorpio – I am scrupulous about never doing anything demonstrable to get on the radar of someone such as this. Saturn and Pluto in Scorpio in the 8th house with Pluto trine my Sun, Moon, Mercury, and Venus? Yeah, I’m reading you… without needing to be in the same room — or the same country — and you’ll never get inside me. . If you employ me, you’ll think I’m the gold that’s fallen into your lap until the day I leave. As I will be. Which is… Read more »

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Haha YES! Mars, Sun, Venus in Scorpio 8th house (+Uranus-Mercury @29* horns of scorp). Feelin that.

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

It reminds us just how fragile our careers/livelihoods are. Of our vocational mortality. The vulnerability, that degree of powerlessness we have when it comes to Death. It’s so Pluto. No wonder most people are not “enjoying” this post: It’s Pluto– it’s uncomfortable themes.

Skye
Skye

Have a friend in the hr dept at local govt office who is in charge or hiring. Some of the stories my gawd. People turn up with zero experience but huge expectations. I think after being exposed to so much stupidity you’d end up with a cold dead heart without much effort. Dementor probably has too much negative info on each recipient in order to feel bad about the deed.

Catcatcat
Catcatcat

Awful. Awful. Can you PLEASE feature some enlightened, non-horrific Scorpio’s that don’t sound like the 2nd coming of Idi-na Amin in corporate wear???

This blog is challening/fun/on point on so many levels, but some of the backbiting articles are vominatrix-inspired. Llike, where’d you dig this corpse up? I need to himalayan sea-salt my own computer screen after digesting this. Brrrr.

aquasunbird
aquasunbird

Agree!

Lady L
Lady L

This! Totally agree. Scorp Dementor, hope you sleep tight tonight. In this world, you’re either a builder or a destroyer. I GET that some people are not up to scratch re: work, but to RELISH their demise?? How low can Scorp go… I guess PRETTY low, touting this ‘career’ as some sort of noble path, justified by salt and water at the end of another heartless day. I’ve never been fired, but I HAVE been retrenched once (because the managing director risked his own company in dodgy deals, and company went bankrupt). I nearly lost my home, but thankfully didn’t.… Read more »

DoubleMutable
DoubleMutable

Seriously, reading about this lady gave me the serious creeps. Of course she doesn’t talk about the flipside of her job – that it’s often corporate stooges getting people fired out of revenge. I say this cuz it happened to me – I went to an HR dementor lady for help with a very abusive boss at my big deal corporate job, at which point he launched his own sneaky campaign to get me fired. The same HR dementor I went to for help is the one who dropped the axe on me – funny how she failed to notice… Read more »

12th house Virgo
12th house Virgo

I miss so many of you here and I haven’t had time to catch up on the blog. I’m on Instagram under the same user name. I just posted a picture of the moon at sunset. I take lots of pictures of the sky. Would love to see your faces.

Year of the Phoenix
Year of the Phoenix

Will check you out!

sphinx
sphinx

I don’t use instagram! But I support you via the ethernet!

aquasunbird
aquasunbird

Well, I was too study at a private college, and under a little background investigation it came to light the parent company is under investigation, partly due to a review or these organisations, the modes of education they deliver…More amusingly the charismatic person who recently sold this institution (to a for profit company) pocketed quite a good sale, just happens to have been deregistered (2012) by a professional association for misconduct (improper sexual relationship?) It doesn’t dampen anything, however may I say on the this thread ANYTHING can be up for investigation or sleuthing as I call it, and that… Read more »

sphinx
sphinx

Oo-er, I want more info.
What is this person’s Mercury, Mars, Venus and Moon placements?
What house does their sun fall in?

I have a friend who didn’t mind do the firing, she was a Cancer.

She told me that she would try to help them understand they were on to something different and better, to look forward to seeing where you really belong.

pi
pi

A better way to do it than power tripping and making someone feel like a d bag

sphinx
sphinx

Yes, I find all this wallowing about in himalayan salt baths and ruminating on other’s misery most distasteful.

Soul kisses? Wtf?

My soul will never meet a soul on such a dirty level as this with a kiss. You can pull my material face to yours, but my soul is free.

12th house Virgo
12th house Virgo

I wish she’d been the one to fire me early in the zz. I got blindsided.

pi
pi

I have to admit that sometimes a good firing , leaving the newly unemployed with a clear-hearted idea of the path strayed and otherwise, can be healthy. So I kind of see this as the scorp’s job. I’m just a bit sensitive to his/her tone in there.
nevertheless
I should have had a lot closer mentoring or job discussions than I did back in the day, would have been a better employee for it.

pi
pi

Not “discipline” or those unfashionable terms theese days but anyway close enuf

pi
pi

but I still think the bosses are gutless for not addressing this themselves. Ugh evasive leaders

Skye
Skye

I do wonder how much mentoring or feedback/ appraisal these people get before they get shown the door. Because if a manager has to have an independent person there to fire under performers, is he/she capable of basic interaction and presenting job expectations to employees.

Sometimes constructive feedback is worth more than a bad report.

When Tomorrow Comes
When Tomorrow Comes

Companies that operate like this are likely the same the same that think shareholders are kingshits. Employees are dispensible fodder and customers are treated with contempt. Goes hand in hand with automated customer(?) “assistants” that give you 8 options (none that you want) and no real person to speak to and, finally, find they are not open.

Skye
Skye

Hahaha you just described my phone call to my mobile service provider last weekend. Got to love going through a dozen options and inputting phone numbers before being told they can’t help you.

Thank you for your call. Goodbye.
(Cut off tone on end of line.)

When Tomorrow Comes
When Tomorrow Comes

Shades of Anna Kendrick

sphinx
sphinx

Ah, was there a movie with her and George Clooney? I love Anna K. She is so sweet and acerbic.

Baristagem
Baristagem

😯

Bloody hell

pi
pi

lol Pisces/Gemini *run*

pi
pi

Couldn’t finish this. I can almost smell the powder blue office partitions and gentle waft of formaldehyde from the tasteful blonde wood laminate desks as I was reading, the fluorescent lights, how I don’t miss them. always good to relish ones job, I suppose. Good HR starts at hiring and good performance is boosted by workplace culture and regular communication and brave bosses. gutless bosses drive me insane and need to take more responsibility for their own underlings. of course the underlings need to step up too which I guess is where scorp executioner steps in lol to have a… Read more »

pi
pi

Scorpio hr dementor does sound like a good scorp moon mercury friend of mine tho. Thick face black heart, etc .

Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot
Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot

Ha, so scorpy!

supercal
supercal

I’m a Scorp Sun and I fuqin HATE surveillance. If I thought I was being surveilled by an HR dementor i don’t think I could help myself sending a 2 fingered salute down the line.

I don’t “do” corporate, even if I’m on the outskirts of corporateworld. I got asked to order a company polo shirt recently 😯 hahahahahahhaahhaaaaaa A polo shirt! Yeah, nah.

cort
cort

‘I don’t do surveillance’ = gold.

scorpio_rising
scorpio_rising

Not a fan of the corporate worlds, honestly I’d love to see Pluto in Capricorn bring out smaller start-ups and less mega corporations.

tw:leo
tw:leo

yes!!

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Pluto says, “It’s nothing personal.”

tw:leo
tw:leo

*claps* impressive and scary. also the lingo used here reminded me of the job that i work in and made me realise that maybe the company i work for has an hr dementor as well…i wanna boost my stats just so as to not embarrass myself in front of potentially scrutinising scorpy eyes such as yours!

leoliza
leoliza

Scorpio moon here….I almost always put myself in others position. I’ve been in hospitality, real estate, retail and banking. I love helping people..real estate was hard because I just couldn’t push people into making purchases. My moon is in 4th conjunct neptune both square my 12th leo sun…I think I should be in the metaphysical field. I do readings for ppl, also have reiki 1&2 training…I would just not like charging people LOL.

Skye
Skye

Me too. I empathise too much sometimes.

Old workplace tried to put me in accounts where I would call small clients asking why their payments were overdue and also taking calls from small creditors/suppliers asking why we had not paid them. I felt so bad for each of them while having to spout the bs company sanctioned reply. Little operators always get screwed. Didn’t stay in that job long!

Libra9
Libra9

We have a Scorpio Qi Vampire at my work. This colleague is no one’s manager but thinks she has the right to tell everyone, including the boss, how to do their jobs, down to the tiniest nit-picking details. It’s non-stop, it’s totally irritating and everyone hates her. And it is all done by email. When you don’t do what she wants she emails you the whole email trail. When she feels wronged (which is often), she writes complete fantasies to create her own version of events. If she spent as much time working as she does emailing, she may even… Read more »

qb
qb

Good Scorpios are lovely, insightful people, surprised at the darkness of no one.

My main takeaway from this article is that someone has the intestinal fortitude to handle this job.

I’d be interested to know if Dementor has key placements in Virgo, Gemini, Sagittarius or Pisces, as this is the most mutable (i.e. destructive, Kali-esque) role ever. But also a strong Pluto influence; career “death” can be the key to rebirth.

And I’d be guessing a water moon, too. Weirdly, there’s a midwifery of the soul aspect to this job.

piwacket
piwacket

We used to call them Human Remains back in the day!!!

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

So that’s why I wasn’t interviewed for the last two jobs I applied for. I was too keen, honest and enthusiastic in my applications. I told them why I was suited for the roles and spelled out how my experience and skills fitted the KSC.

‘It ain’t me babe’ as Dylan says. ‘It ain’t me you’re looking for’

Should have used some dark magic and hexed the contact person and the boss I would have bern working for!

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

Also the word corporate give me the shivers, in a bad way. And recruitment and HR is one of the most bullshit ‘fields’ ever! (No offence to Scorpio dementor or PS)

Applying for new job this week the old fashioned way – asking my friend who works there to get me a job. The best way to get a job 😉

Skye
Skye

You mean more bs than OHS?

scorpio_rising
scorpio_rising

agreed.

Invicta
Invicta

My totally amazing niece has a Scorpio moon. I did her chart last night. It is happy placed in the 7th house as otherwise, going by her chart she’s have no need of anyone. Like Amelia Erheart (spelling?) on steroids. Look obviously I’m biased. The kid is the product of my ex girlfriend and before that, best platonic female friend ever and my almost identical twin but much nicer and more dependable brother so you know…There is something rather compelling about having a five year old angel in your life who thinks you are the embodiment of cool. In her… Read more »

Prince stolas
Prince stolas

Scorpio moon is a hard placement for a woman. I say that as having the placement. Make sure yo take care she has a smooth moon cycle. Scorp moon women are often plagued with crap moon cycles.

But u know what? I did my mother’s chart and found out she has the same moon, but our moons are not conjunct. She is a raging PITA, but i know i am related! Lol.

Veronica
Veronica

Scorp moon with longstanding crap moon cycles, yep.

Prince Stolas
Prince Stolas

JB must work for a suoer large company. My job was hardly dementor like. I didn’t want people to fear me, just be the invisible machinery. I’ve worked in human resources before myself and in this particular setting you are more like a cross between wolf culling the herd and sheepdog, nipping the heels of those not keeping up. But always the lap dog if the Uber Bosses… I was best at hiring though. I must say I am shocked at my own handiwork. People i placed at the company 14 yrs ago are still working there, happily. Like a… Read more »

Invicta
Invicta

@prince, not weird at all. What’s your chart like?
I don’t know your astro besides that I think we have the same NN. 2nd House Cap- meaning we have the same SN- 8th House Kataka security blanket pull urge.

I’ve never known what “human resources” actually means.
I’m one of the people who is just relieved to know what HR stands for. Then again I’ve never had a “real job” long enough to get the whole corporate culture.
I singularly redefine incorrigible.

Prince stolas
Prince stolas

Yeah i think we have nodes thing and some crossovers in other parts of our charts as well. I have a lot of 10th house aspects too.

There’s a lot of advantage to being corporate. I do miss the days where after you leave work, you don’t think about work and the steady pay, but that’s it. I have too much Uranian influence to be anybody’s lapdog for too long. You aren’t missing too much!

scorpio_rising
scorpio_rising

Then you are GOOD at your job!
I’d hate to work in HR and have to fire people. yuck! I’d rather hire the right people.

Prince stolas
Prince stolas

JB might be working for a super large company where hiring is farmed out to different people. I did it all…the hiring…the firing…the slaps on the wrists… But yeah now that you mention it, if you manage to hire out correctly AND with luck, you can avoid having to fire. Or at least put it off 15 something years. I had lots of weird “extra” tests i performed on new applicants like putting a candy bowl in front of interviewees to see which candy they took. Were they tootsie roll people or starlight mint people? I’m a scorpio moon so… Read more »

Invicta
Invicta

I just fell in love…ok lust, whatever!….That’s the hottest bio I’ve ever read.
Anywhere.

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