Confessions Of A Gemini Private Investigator

Filed in GEMINI

Cat As Batman

Tired of your 9 to 5 job? Thinking there must be something more to life? I’m here to tell you that you CAN turn your passion into your career. Something something take the leap, manifest your dreams, blah blah buy my book.

Listen, I was once like you. I would come home from work every night to spend hours scrolling through Facebook, rifling through personal photographs of people I knew – or just knew from afar – discovering the names of their pets, where they go on vacation, that kind of thing. Normal stuff.

Like you, I didn’t realise my hobby could become my career. Until one day, I was accidentally offered a job interview at a private investigations company headhunted by a private investigations company, thanks to my unemployment, ergo desperate job application spamming dedication to personal affirmations and positive manifestation.

Now, when you hear the title Private Investigator, you probably imagine some flawed-but-sexy, middle-aged man, who has razor-sharp instincts but doesn’t play by the rules. We all enjoy a lovable rogue with an upturned collar and a brooding gaze.

Personally, I imagine Batman. Which is why I keep a picture of a cat wearing a Batman outfit on my desktop, just to remind me of the essential work I do each day, screen-capping people’s personal images from Facebook, and trawling through Google for mentions of their names.

But it’s the field work that’s the toughest. While you’re sipping coffee and watching cat videos from your cubicle, I’m out there, most likely doing the same thing. But sometimes I’m in the library, leafing through the electoral rolls, noting down the addresses of various people I know, or just know from afar.

Naturally, personal address information can be used for purposes such as:

a) Smug satisfaction,
b) The ability to whisper threateningly “I know where you live”, during a confrontation,
c) Parking up outside someone’s house to enjoy a pizza, Easy Listening and a long stalking sesh,
d) Hopefully none of the above, just skip tracing, i.e. my job, which I take very seriously, you guys.

So, now you plebeians are probably asking, what makes a good Private Investigator? To which I would answer, being a Gemini. According to my sister, a fellow Gemini, I have been observed to demonstrate the following abnormalities skills:

A Beautiful Mind
Mystic’s description of the Gemini mind as a kaleidoscope  is literally spot on. When describing my thought process to a psychologist, she remarked, “that sounds like psychosis”, but let’s go with Mystic’s opinion on this one, eh?

Genius
This might seem superfluous to the above, but I have Leo rising and we need to talk more about how smart I am. So smart in fact, that I open too many tabs in Google Chrome, causing it to crash. So smart that my attention-span is too short to read a text-message in its entirety because, ooh! Shiny things.

Pattern recognition
Mystic wasn’t wrong about the pattern recognition thing
  Recurring symbols are my life. There are no coincidences, just ask my monthly subscription to Conspiracy magazine. A few weeks ago I heard Ruby Tuesday on the radio, then realised it was TUESDAY and there was a BLOOD MOON that evening. My mind was blown. I’m still talking about it, obviously. Maybe we should play the song backwards. Guys, this is a THING.

No personal boundaries
Some people call it nosiness. I prefer to think of it as healthy concern. My psychologist gave me some sort of lawn analogy to describe people’s personal boundaries and how they should be respected. I stopped listening at that point, because, you know, the kaleidoscope thing, but I think we came to the conclusion that I should only go on people’s lawns at night when they can’t see me, and when people step onto my lawn I can spray them with the hose, because assertiveness is healthy. Or in summary, “What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine used to be yours”.

Keen observation skills
Do you have a tendency to forget small details like what your colleague was wearing last Thursday? Me neither. I have a photographic memory. What’s more, I have a highly attuned sense of smell. I’ve been known to diagnose people’s ailments based on their smell. Yep, that’s some Hannibal-level creepiness right there.

Google is my bitch
That’s it, that’s all I’ve got on that one.

I’m a chameleon
It’s not uncommon for people who I’ve met half a dozen times to introduce themselves as though I’m a stranger. By this point not only do I remember meeting them, I remember what they were wearing, the name of their spouse, their Facebook url and what brand of perfume they wear.

But for some reason, people forget meeting me. Perhaps it’s because I change my look almost every day. People often say to me, “I didn’t recognise you”. This is a handy trick in my industry, but otherwise quite depressing, and / or just an opportunity to mess with people.

Eavesdropping skills
I’m a pretty good lip reader, and I have very good hearing when it comes to key words. In my office, I’m known as ‘big ears’ for my ability to just know when an interesting gossip session is occurring, so I can sneak up with my cat feet and listen in. Note – when someone has their back to you and they don’t hear you approach, it often gives them a fright. Office games are fun!

People trust me
I can’t count the number of times someone has blurted their deepest, most Plutonian secrets to me. I think it’s something to do with my frank and open demeanour, because next thing you know, I’m The First Person They’ve Told.

And despite all the above, slightly sociopathic ramblings, I am actually very trustworthy. In all honesty, my job does involve me finding out some very personal information about people. But that information always has a purpose and legal authorisation – and it’s not shared with outside parties, no matter how amusing it is.

Now if you don’t mind, I have work to do, so please comment below with links to all your favourite cat videos.

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White hawk
White hawk

I am Gemini rising and this is hilariously on point. I always have trouble working out exactly how my Gemini (I also have Saturn there) sits amongst my intense Scorpio stellium of Venus, Mars, Mercury, Juno, Ceres, Psyche, because all that loves to nose into the mysterious life crevices of people of interest too. But it’s the sharp memory, nose for details and the ability to constantly morph with time and place that you’ve nailed here. People are commenting on it a lot lately, because I just think it’s normal to absorb absolutely everything that comes my way and half… Read more »

tw:leo
tw:leo

OH MAN this is exactly me. every single point. from the kaleidoscope mind and looking completely different every day, to insane pattern recognition (i have ruby tuesday experiences daily) and being the person everyone dishes their pluto out to. 6th house gemini moon…who knew it was so strong?! it’s the only air in my chart (unless i include psyche and eros, both in gem, and my north node in aquarius) and squares my 8th house virgo merc (MORE insane pattern recognition here) and trines my north node. those are also the only two aspects my moon makes. i have ALWAYS… Read more »

cosmic fleece
cosmic fleece

Brilliant read. The pic of the cat looks like pics my (Gemini) sister sends me of her cat in fancy dress. Check out Maru the Japanese Gemini cat on la tube…(yes, his birthday came up when i googled him, ) My fathers identical twin is a PI / London Black Cabbie. He’s Scorp with Gem moon. He has Mary Poppins carpet bags full of brilliant synchronicity stories, prowling round in the black cab and giving rides to the people he’s following to the places he needs to find out where they are going to. He has the gift of the… Read more »

The Leo Socialite
The Leo Socialite

I don’t want to sound too psycho but do you freelance? Also mystic just told me that saturn in sagittarius is going to be secretly amazing for Leos! i cannt to see the last of saturn in scorpio. i don’t have chiselled abs or a bank account that makes me hyper ventilate with happiness, i have a HIDEOUS awareness of time and also my worth in the sexual marketplace. THANK YOU SATURN FOR ALL THE GOOD TIMES NOW GO THING YOURSELF. When i first heard about jupiter in leo i thought it sounded a bit rinky dink – now all… Read more »

pi
pi

Oh god! Why do they keep casting Anne Hathaway as action hero type?? Does she have an Aries moon or something and keeps bugging her agent for more ass-kickery when she looks like she should actuly be starring in the next European royalty period piece ok with debauchery thrown in if some sexy fuqed up-ness is required? I mean I like her muchly but maybe the whole film adaptation of devil wears prada mooshed her into wholesome all American brunette corner for me.

tw:leo
tw:leo

hahahaha this.

calypso
calypso

i think that’s Saturn on Venus too babe. I’m doing the breadline tango too 😯 xx

Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot
Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot

I live for posts like these. WE ARE THE COOLEST ASTRO COMMUNITY IN THE WORLD.

Rock ON Gemini PI……..OK, now that would make an awesome TV show title…

Year of the Phoenix
Year of the Phoenix

Have been trying to think of a good TV title…..

willowwolf
willowwolf

This tickled me 🙂 So like my double gemini Daughter ( who also has Pluto rising in Saggi) – she is both fickle & deeply insightful. Gemini moon hubby too – they are both nearly always right about people.

Pisces lady
Pisces lady

This sounds uncannily like an excerpt from The Mystery of Mercy Close by Marian Keyes!

GemVirgScorp
GemVirgScorp

Lol really? I just finished reading that book. Other than humour and a PI what similarities do you see?

Living and Dying @ 3/4 Time
Living and Dying @ 3/4 Time

While lm at it. Geminis are too blabbermouth to be a PI. I’d thought a Virgo or a Scorp would do much better

sphinx
sphinx

Howdareyou, that’s completelyuntrueandIhaveafewwordstosayonthistopicincludingbutnotdisincludingthefactthatmercuryisaboutbrainsnotjustblabbingandtheplanetaryeffectofsuchisthatonemaybeuniquelyabletotakeinvastamountsofinformation..etc.etc.

Living and Dying @ 3/4 Time
Living and Dying @ 3/4 Time

Probly just my Gem (1st 4 planets) mate has been getn on my nerves lately with his incessant chatter. He has blurted things out ad nauseam lately. Ive been calling him Quicksilver Junky lately. Mystic said some would get on Katppl’s nerve. I love Bob so l gotta love Gems. But detectives?good at info but stayn Mum???

DP
DP

😀

Pi
Pi

😆

DP
DP

See now I would give the blabber prize to Sag. No boundaries, no filters. Gem, in my experience, is clever and can be cunning when needed.

Pi
Pi

yes i might agree with this. the saggi’s i know, or the men (usually capricorns) with a strong sadge element have dropped some freaking clangers in my presence… cringe [to think i was considering sleeping with one or more of them] lol

Living and Dying @ 3/4 Time
Living and Dying @ 3/4 Time

Hey, that is my pic!
Signed Katman

Anonymous
Anonymous

Hahaha! You have to make this your avatar : )

Living and Dying @ 3/4 Time
Living and Dying @ 3/4 Time

How do l do that? Would MM be so kind to allow me that pic?

Year of the Phoenix
Year of the Phoenix

Maybe?

Just copy and go to avatar.com and Katman has a face : )

sphinx
sphinx

i have done it a few times, it’s fine.
Grab yr cape & get to gravatar!

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Today a grocery employee stocking the lunchmeats stopped & turned to me with package of bologna in hand & said, “I don’t know what you’re wearing, but you smell wonderful!” Older woman, not a come on. I was as surprised as she was.

Neptune is direct, all right.

scorpiomoonvibez
scorpiomoonvibez

Gemini sun, Scorpio moon, Leo rising. Um, what, this could have been written by the more actualized version of myself!?!? I’ve spent the last three weeks obsessing over why I didn’t become a detective/professional dominatrix/Mata Hari. I’ve scoured the internet for the actual court files for the Serial podcast and studied them. I just spent all night watching Bletchley Circle and pretending I was one of them and I chose outfits based on whether I could jump quickly on the back of motorcycle, not wash my hair, and still look sexy.

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

🙂

Lilramfish
Lilramfish

My favorite thing I’ve read all week…if you were a dude I’d marry you…my massive third house action is all a flutter!

holy wow
holy wow

off topic, but holy wow…. is anyone else feeling super sized Neptune direct direct DIRECT at last?! Floodgates opened. Energy moved, ideas magically surfaced. So simply and swimmy all of a sudden.

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Yes.

Ms.
Ms.

Yes. I was also not expecting such a shift.
All over my venus too. bit over it tbh xx

12th house virgo
12th house virgo

Yes. Massive. I was hoping we’d get a Neptune Direct post so we could all share under that title.

vslr
vslr

yes I was hoping and waiting for the same. Massive shift felt.

virgo kathleen
virgo kathleen

This is hilarious.
Got to love a Gemini mind.
Are you really a private investigator?? That’s so badass sounding. Good job.

I’m a Virgo and I think I have some of these skills…you know, Mercury Power.

Robbin
Robbin

This is hilarious and so spot-on. I’ve often thought that I’d make a great PI!

CousinRibby
CousinRibby

Love it!!

Btw have you seen Cat In A Shark Costume Chases A Duck While Riding A Roomba?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Of2HU3LGdbo

Veronica
Veronica

Thankyou for this! I had a really good long snicker 😀

sphinx
sphinx

So wrong, lol. Where’s the predator dignity? Just none.

Veronica
Veronica

No, you’re right, they have none.
They have a showbiz mummager. But they are Much cuter than the Kardashians!!

DP
DP

Glad to see there’s someone out there loonier than I am. I think.

That duckling has now imprinted itself upon a roomba-riding sharkcat.

amy
amy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeoT66v4EHg

haha, thank you mystic and geminis all round who make me giggle and endlessly curious… i am gem mercury&sun and this is the first thing that i opened after restarting my browser having crashed it from too many tabs.
my friends know not to use my computer……i have a reputation
i sometimes wonder if i open so many tabs to actually slow myself down? the computer takes more time to process the info so then i have to be more selective.

anyhoo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeoT66v4EHg
xx

freedom ala air
freedom ala air

I just cringed and celebrated in agreement with authentic description of the Gemini thing! I love you for taking the time to write this identity rant!

Seamoon
Seamoon

That puss looks just like my cat, without the mask. No no, I wouldn’t be a PI, unless I could turn it into a PI that is taking care of society and the community. Moon in Taurus on MC Angle is not a PI. Neither is my Moon Trine Mercury. But my Sun can turn on the detachment like nobody knows. I’m my own PI for myself – I’m always trying to hide from myself with my Sun-Pluto conjunction. I guess I will grow into my skin later in life and accept that I’m a Sun-Pluto and maybe then I… Read more »

Maleficent
Maleficent

You had me at shiny things!

ScorpSag
ScorpSag

Hmmm. This sounds a lot like me. Could a Gemini mid-heaven do this? I also feel like the various Scorp & Virgo elements contribute. Very interesting.

Ms.
Ms.

Brilliantly written. I love it Well if Pluto isn’t pinging in your chart I will eat my hat Big cliche, but I wanted to be in espionage when I was about 10. I have the ability to morph into many faces but I still stand out like hell, so no PI for me :(. Other than that I’ve got the photographic memory/ remember everything you did over the last 10 years and what you wore last week down. Peoples measurements are STILL in my head from 5 years ago. Been code breaking my own recent ancestry which has been helpful.… Read more »

Pi
Pi

sounds like 4th house investigations are where it’s at for you. Hope that’s going ok . x

Ms.
Ms.

Thanks Pi, I’ve kind of hand balled that to my mother now tbh (and OD’d a bit on 4th house when all that went down) but remain super sluethy in all else* with logical process of deduction often mistaken for psychic because people won’t slow down their mind to observe. Forever watching, collecting data, piecing stories 🙂
I absolutely love this. (the dead is another matter entirely)

*actually yet to transpire to my love life though (damn neptune…)

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

A gem, huh? Ok, but I’m hearing a lot of Scorpio in there too. Where’s yours?

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

I mean, what’s in your natal Scorpio. Because you could have been writing about me, but all I have in Gem is just IC. My Scorp/8th house on the other hand has 5 planets, & I have Pluto conjunct Moon in Libra/7th. Chiron in Aries, 1st house. Batwoman.

So curious what you have in Scorp.

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

I feel you on the mutability tip, tho. Pisces asc-Jupiter, Sagg MC/north node-Neptune.

The Gemini Private Investigator
The Gemini Private Investigator

Hi Ankh, I have Pluto in Scorpio, square my ascendant. Does that make sense? Though I know a few people with Pluto in Scorp and they’re not nearly as shady as me 😉

AnkhRising8.0
AnkhRising8.0

Yes, that does make sense…

*scribbling down notes in code*

Thank you 😉 x

Cat
Cat

and all the Geminis cheer

Year of the Phoenix
Year of the Phoenix

Hmmn I can see a tv pilot

GemVirgScorp
GemVirgScorp

Spot on! Would love to see something like this as a tv series. Crack up. The writing is brilliant.

Year of the Phoenix
Year of the Phoenix

I would watch this show! I can just see it now….cool PIAB with heaps of chutzpah keeping it real and using ASTRO!!

do have a soft spot for a Private Eye with a twist…. have read/seen a few Ladies No 1 Detective Agency – who could not love Botswana after that?

Mother of Gemini's
Mother of Gemini's

Ha so cute, I have two Gemini daughters who crack me up too. They could be your twin. Well written, and look forward to the next installment. Love your style.

The Baroness
The Baroness

BTW how the fugg do I change my Avatar on this bitch? This whole blob pic mess isn’t working with my Sun Tarurus in the 5th house, Lilith in Leo in the Second vibe AT ALL.

The Baroness
The Baroness

I have recently discovered I am a Gemini Ascendant. I always joke to people ‘I know more about people than they know about themselves’. I don’t actually look people up though, I just LISTEN and retain information really well not to mention have a habit of hearing what people DON’T say. It freaks many folks out how I “see” them but hey, it is what it is, baby ;D

Pi
Pi

I would be the worst private investigator in the world! oh dear
People I have not seen since second grade seem to recognise me, yet I don’t recall the name of the good looking sculptor I just made a point of introducing myself to in the hallway (dammit). Dory has nothing on me. sigh/LOL

imo the “lovable rogue with an upturned collar and a brooding gaze” is a self-absorbed twat who wants to be pandered to by women who are happy to be lied to. hahahahahaah

Ms.
Ms.

Tis the myth of the noir though. The PI is our storyteller, lit in high contrast black and white, smoking in bars and drinking whiskey, just to forget “her”. She’s a client or a murder suspect or both, a femme fatal dame with a pistol in her handbag and cigarettes in filters.

Pi
Pi

yes, but any man attempting to act that out should go back to Raymond Chandler fantasy land 🙂

sphinx
sphinx

Gem P.I. I could be your co-batman!! (no one wants to be a robin, particularly with a cat batman about). I have Gem Asc, Leo Sun & Scorpio Moon. My Scorpio Moon is dark & tenacious, once her teeth have sunk in to something, think rottweiler. (My Aqua Sun, Gem Moon sister screams, “You’re too intense!!”, but she is just a tad shallow & afraid of her feelings. At least I think she has feelings?) Anyway, I vibe on all the above, Mercury is my chart ruler after all. And in my youth I had sets of personalities rather than… Read more »

Pi
Pi

an aqua sun gem moon person I believe does have feelings.

that’s all I know. After extensive field-testing on my multi-air aqua rising mother, I am still not sure what happens to the feelings in the Control Room that is her mercury conjunct uranus in Gemini mind, but they do exist. She has told me.

I suspect the key to contacting a Gemini Moon is allow them to roam free in kaleidoscope information-land, that is where they are happy. Also, make them laugh.

sphinx
sphinx

aw, am being a bit harsh hey, 🙂 . To me it is exasperating that my role be jester & distant waver of hellos, but you are COMPLETELY right. It’s what she would prefer from me.

Pi
Pi

well hmm. yes ok there is definitely a court jester element. distant waver of hellos, that too. but i think maybe where scorpios take it or make it personal, gemini types don’t. so the ‘intense’ part is the – maybe – the point where a scorp type goes all schem-y and laser-eyed, and the gem type goes “yeah yeah i get it ok i know enough for now and know where to go back to if i need to, let’s move on plenty more to see” and anything more is a drag “sheesh! whatever! who cares! ffffaark can we move… Read more »

sphinx
sphinx

🙁 You did it, you ruined it! Malefi..robyn.
I don’t see you are as domme fierce, so sorry, not a robyn, to complex & emo for my perception of a domme. I think you are the actress type though! I know a very good Virgo actor, I think they make Mercury realistic & embodied seeming. Being the opposite of Pisces ‘n’ all with their Neptunian leanings.

gemini cat
gemini cat

😉

Luckyshell
Luckyshell

Wow. We Geminis really are the best damn people around. Sorry everyone else. (Not actually sorry everyone else.)

Maleficent
Maleficent

Haha. Unapologetic Gems have more fun! I love this but had no idea that Geminis were even that interested in other people. Seriously. I’m impressed. Qu’elle depth . :-D. Am currently crushing on a Gemini man boy who is only 42 and the idea that he might actually even bother cyberstalking me (yeah in yr dreams woman:-) but between being so scintillating and gorgeous and brilliant, that he’d make the time fills me with hope. 😀

GeminEE
GeminEE

Omg!!! My dream job!!! I have always wanted to be a p.i. just that i don’t know how to do so. I’m applying for a communications job with the government, i hope i get it!

Yes with google as my friend, yes with the stalking, YES with people telling me things which i’m like…why are you telling me?! And maybe it’s the scorp rising but people are ALWAYS asking me if i’ve cut my hair/done something to my hair, cannot recognise me outside of my work uniform.

Thanks for this post! So awesome to be a gem!!

Anonymous
Anonymous

ASIO is hiring you know

Ariel
Ariel

Did I write this? I think this Gem/ Leo rising spy cat & I are, uh, twin flames.

The part about not being recognised by people I’ve met several times particularly resonates. I DO look different all the time & it happens so often that I’ve taken to reassuring people when it does so they don’t feel bad.

Sarah
Sarah

I was thinking this as I read it too! Get out of my brain!

Also a Gemini/Leo rising, and people often don’t recognize me after a few times, and tell me their deepest secrets all the time

Ariel
Ariel

Triplet flames?!

Suddenly Leo
Suddenly Leo

I. LOVE. YOU.

Thanks for the wisecracks and for sharing- this was a blast to read and a great day to start my work day! XO, Gem PI!

Fellow gemini
Fellow gemini

Haha I love this! I’m a gemini…should be working, however blogs were calling my name.
Chopstick kitteh!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbP2N1BQdYc

Scorpbot
Scorpbot

I love massage cat 😀

Adorable!!!

lou
lou

That put a smile om my face.

sphinx
sphinx

I like the cat hurling itself into a tiny box! Massage cat insanely cute tho.

scorpbot
scorpbot

The box one was great too I’ve seen it before. LOL
Cats are so awesome. I love how they squeeze themselves into the weirdest places. 😛

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