Death By Synastry?

Jonathan Viner

Dear Mystic,

Would you kill off a potential love situation off based on some seriously rank synastry?

I just met a charming, brilliant, sexy man who treats me like a queen. Our banter is magical. But out synastry is gob-smackingly vile: one moon square one sun; both suns in opposition to a major stellium in each others’ charts (both with mercury in them, weird); venuses in opposition. (There are no hard aspects to Saturn). All of this is to 1 degree, to be clear.

But of course. He has Venus on his ascendent, a Gemini sun with Gemini rising, and mercury, mars and lilith conjunct in the third house (opposite my sun). Am I merely distracted by all the Mercurial energy? Almost certainly.

Quite frankly I don’t care either way, being at this point unable to be surprised by anything, but I am amused by how sobering synastry can be.

You have to share … what are your “boundaries” around synastry?

Just say no? Or are you willing to just let the good times role?

I must admit that I tend to go cold on someone the instant I see more than two major hard aspects. Capricorns really are ruthless. Or it might be my idealism doing me in.

With love, Circe x

My Dear Circe,

As it happens, i am doing an Astro-Compatibility Mp3 rant – that will be up on the Pay What You Want Mp3 page  – this weekend.  So all this will be addressed there but hey seriously, when i read charming, brilliant, sexy man who treats me like a queen. Our banter is magical I don’t think it really matters if his Saturn is parked outside your house at night, you know?

Unless, obviously, boyfriend is a con-man, psychopath, addict, toxic whatever and this is all just his front. BUT (a) i think chemistry is like some sort of an enchanted D.N.A linked think that trumps all else.  And (b) that synastry (the comparison of planets and points between charts to deduce “compatibility”) does not seem so vile at all!

I tend to be the opposite, over-looking the most ludicrously officially incompatibility indicators if the chemistry is there. Yes, Venus trine Neptune opposite Pluto-Uranus here, lol.

But oppositions are great – it means you certainly have an effect on one another. Sun Square Moon likewise. I mean, so long as you have a, you know, outlet for this energy, it’s fantastic. Also, i was discussing this with Kim Falconer the other day – both of us have had hideous relationships (albeit definitely “karmic”) with people we’ve had the best-ever synastry on paper with.

Synastry is not the be-all and end-all of attraction and compatibility. It often just describes the quality or the tone of the interaction between you – eg; strong Mercury aspects between you = sensational rapport, similar cultural vibe and lots of talk. Big-time Pluto interplay and wham, you cut straight through to the psychological pay dirt. If your Venus stimulates his anything, you embody a Venusian ideal.

But when it comes down to it, there is also the Composite Chart to look at AND the transits you met under. If you meet someone when Pluto is on your Venus, that’s a Plutonic relationship.

If you really want to send yourself bats on a synastry-astro-fiend bender, check out Karmic Relationships by Martin Schulmann – he has the most full-on delineations for every aspect between charts. From a modern perspective, it can read a bit sexist in places  but it’s hectic.

And, i will let you guys know when my Astro-Compatibility Mp3 is up and there is nothing wrong with “hard aspects” between charts. For some perspective on this, check out the links between you and your closest friend.  My theory is that the strongest/closest/tightest links between charts often describe that relationship the best.

Find your top three and there is your story.

What does everyone else think?

Image: Jonathan Viner

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52 thoughts on “Death By Synastry?

  1. wish i had someone to legitimately check out astro compatibility with. althoug i suspect i have spent so long obsessing / looking into the astro of pointless connections i might even try not to learn the birthday of whoever i get together with next. lol

    • Totally – same here! It matters what actually happens, not the analysis of the would-be. That said, in synastry, Taurus’ Neptune is square my Mars and my Venus squares his nodes. In composite, there’s Pluto-Moon-Mars. lol. Its like, I GRAVITATE love zombie shizz. I must like being single and not know it.

    • There are benefits ( took awhile for me to get that I was NOT supposed to know his birth time ) I most probably I would of blamed something on our moon and stars for some sort of incompatibility and would of put on my running shoes. I have been with this wonderful man going on 7 years and I still ( in my head still wonder ) what the heck is his rising sign. At this point it a mute subject but still does come up just out of curiosity. I believe sometimes we just shouldn’t know certain things! People show up to us as teachers for good or bad to learn lessons about life and ourselves. This one taught me to let go, trust, love the moment, we only have so much time on this earth, and let’s get this party started and see what happens! Almost 7 years later my daughter says when he comes home I talk to him as if we are still dating..because at my age of 60 and his being 48, living life can start anytime you open your arms wide open and embrace the unknown. That one was one of the most scary moments in my life..

  2. also mystic i totally forgot (huh ) about the astro guides you have here (the mp3s).. maybe an early xmas present for myself..
    thank you – btw – your tarot text and the scopes really do encourage a very strong sense of action-from-within and with enough of your virgo/aries-tinted goading / encouragement it does sink in i promise XX

  3. I say go with it. Enjoy, be careful of your heart and learn. He seems to bring a sparkle to your step so why ruin that red carpet treatment right now. Maybe as time moves on it may turn.. but get the Queen treatment.

    Just saying…

    Off to my counseling session to learn have to accept being treated like a Queen. Bring it..

    xo!!

        • Cool – my screen is broken and only flashes on and off in moments. So, I got a glimpse enough to see you can’t make it, but not enough to be able to text you back.

            • I’m waiting on my new phone to arrive. Its supposed to be here today. I’ll be able to receive texts once I have a working phone.

              Soo Mercury retro – I ordered a signal booster cause I get low signal at home and that arrives with a 2 gallon jug of fogging liquid I didn’t intend to order and my phone still hasn’t gotten here.

  4. Ok, I have a lot of opinions about this because syanstry is totally my jam. I’ve been through a phase of trying not to discriminate against people due to yuk synastry but I have to say that my experience shows the syanstry WILL almost certainly play out but but not necessarily in a way that makes or breaks the relationship, even if it it’s technically ‘bad’ stuff. There are way too many variables with humans but if someone’s Saturn makes a juicy square to your Mars you will feel it at some point, how it effects you and the relationship entirely depends on your own natal chart and where you/they are are in life. Chart comparison has so many factors and layers I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to bin someone off because of the first level of synastry, I know some highly successful couples with seriously WTF aspects between them.

    1. Natal charts are the most important, a highly mercurial man with a major Gemini/3rd house emphasis is unlikely to want a soothing and earthy relationship filled with trines and ease. He’s going to need something dynamic to keep him interested. You don’t say much about your astro other than it’s opposite much of his and in Cap? I’m guessing you wouldn’t be attracted to such a guy if you wanted some kind of staid scenario either.

    2. Oppositions are the second most powerful aspect and I don’t know why they get such a bad rep, I actually enjoy them. Hard aspects are what create forward motion, unless you’re very lazy and just want a really, really easy life then they can be invaluable.

    3. I personally find house overlays to be extremely important! Where you overlay the charts on top of each other and see which planets light up the others houses. When people have crappy syanstry I often find this is where it’s at for showing compatibility and attraction.

    4. I’m a very Plutonic Scorpio and I recently had an ultra Plutonic relationship (composite Sun in Scorpio in the 8th house) with a very Plutonic man who I had loads of Pluto contacts with and who basically just came along to help me play out my Pluto square Venus transit. We had some truly quite horrid aspects, my Mars and Moon square his Pluto anyone? Blech. When I first got my hands on his birth details I was so disappointed, it was really quite depressing because we had such a strong connection but I ignored it and went for it anyway. In the end the depressing stuff did play out in an almost textbook way but it wasn’t those aspects that actually ended our association. It was the things we lacked, like good communication and a shared sense of humour. Some things can be predicted by looking at the astro but how you deal with it and how a person makes you feel can’t. Use the syanstry to flag up potential issues but use your gut to do the rest, it’s way more accurate.

    • I think the relationship fundamentals like ability to sustain two way communication, and be kind by default to the other person, and have common ground to nourish the connection, is pretty much where most r ships make or break – it’s cool that you have taken the time to actually investigate this and examine with awareness (even if it was painful)

      • Yes..”communication” is key. If someone who you are interested in won’t call you or when using txt’n to communicate is very brief has now fallen into my bag of “questionable candidate” category.

  5. I had a friend who married someone for 10 yrs whi had the worst synastry markers with. The only thing they had going for them was Sun in Cancer and Scorp trine respectively. just about everything else was squares or something awkward. On some official cosmodyne report they scored -1000 pts. i have never and still have never seen a synastry that terrible before. Yet they stayed married longer than most marriages ever do. Of course when it broke up it was revealed to me hw miserable they were. Mustanbeen some Saturn in there.

    also i agree with Mystic! A guy i had supposedly fantastic synastry with was a total d-bag to me. He is still my enemy. If i use synastry at all, it is too make sure the cosmodynes are between -400 to about +400. anything too good, too positive as well as negative seems to be too unstable.

    • I have never had a + cosmodyne result in my life!! I’m made entirely of 3 signs so I always square, conjunct, oppose almost everyone on the planet it seems.

      • Similar here. I’ve got a fixed, mutable, and cardinal sign playing large roles in my chart so something is gonna square something else. So when i saw i had like a +700 with this one guy, i had to know more about this creature. creature is right. Like a siren calling a ship to rocks is more like it. Stay away it’s a trap! Of course when i do my friends synastries with their charts they always get +700 or better with their husbands, i don’t get it. My longest lasting and best relationship was with a +400 which was not my best or my worst match. Dead middle. I looked over synastry stuff and we have not that much amazing or enduring synastry at all except our moons. I can’t tell you why it lasted so long. No saturn linkages either.

          • I think if you google cosmodyne astrology report, you can probably find one. Basically a cosmodyne is some kind of aspect asigned a number wither positive or negative based on somebody’s opinion of how it will play out. It could be accurate or not.

      • The married couple for 10 yrs? One was scorp sun female and the other cancer sun male. And in true water sign fashion, they still hate each other to this very day. Good thing the scorp female moved.

        • yeah, sorry I was a bit brief but I thought that might explain why they stayed together so long despite the terrible synastry and unhappiness.

    • The day I met my husband… I am not sure where these aspects fell in our chart or what our transits were… But up in the sky, Mars then Sun then Venus… Or possibly Venus Sun Mars all very closely conjunct. My husband said that we were Venus and Mars and the sun was our meeting.

      Mystic did an MP3 about love transits over the winter. I think you’re looking for Jupiter transiting the 7th house or Trining your Venus… And sometimes a good Pluto transit to clear out the murk like the Tower tarot card to get you ready for a big fat love.

  6. Both Darkstar Astrology and Cafe Astrology give comprehensive looks at which synastry aspects turn up the most often in “successfully” married couples. Often squares and oppositions between the luminaries show up.

    Only 1-2 stressful aspects would be boring for me. If we agreed on everything, I’d just yawn and fall asleep from the tedium of it all.

    When I read through all the aspects you noted, my first thought was “RADNESS! Sounds like some amazing chemistry and interesting to have someone from the other side of the looking-glass to banter with.” Opposed Venus are the shizznat IMO since they lock onto each other and can’t let go of the fascination.

    I say DO IT!

  7. I definitely take a lot of synastry to account. however, I do think there is something to be said for chemistry, of course. but I take chemistry + syn and roll with it. a lot of my ‘growth’ relationships were sun square saturns, a lot of my ‘one night stand that kept going’ were heavy trines with mars + pluto. my witty fun guys were typically pompous and witty ala cap.gem and we all have a connected moon/mercury. its hard when you spot tension. personally I have tried to ignore it but peoples energy is just, theirs… anyone can be anything for a couple months, but when you get real nitty gritty it does matter.

  8. yay to the new mp3 rant. I must admit that i am addicted to them. They help to keep me pumped and focused. I think the synastry mp3 will be very helpful for me as a libra with the uranus opposition to get very clear on what relationships are good for what, what their purpose are, function, risk benefit etc..

  9. Im curious as to why I am SOOOO attracted to Geminis. I know there is so much more to the chart but most of the guys i fall for are Geminis. I don’t really have any planets in Gemini or the third house. The only thing I can think of is my sun is exact conjunct mercury exact conjunct the MH. Gemini rules my 6th house but maybe some of it falls into my 5th house in another house system.

  10. Would I kill off a relationship based on rank synastry? No, but I would proceed with extreme caution and get a good feel for the dynamic(s) in play between us.

    If both parties are highly self aware/spiritually developed, difficult synastry tends to manifest as just “chemistry”, because you each “push” the more difficult evolutionary facets of your planets WITHOUT (<——-and that's a BIG ONE!) necessarily pushing EACH OTHER. Phrases such as "complimentary opposites", "balancing each other out", and "I've never seen it that way before" come to mind – when we're each working on ourselves and have an investment in the relationship, it's easier to make adjustments and to also see what in our own behaviors might benefit from a little adjustment if we want to get along with our sweetie. Obviously, this is a lot easier for someone who is Venus-heavy than someone with a lot of Mars, LOL! :-p

    HOWEVER, crappy self-awareness on either party's part coupled with trainwreck synastry is just a recipe for disaster. In such a case, what may initially present as stimulating chemistry (COUGHgreat sexCOUGH) or "fireworks" eventually blows up in our face. A good lay does not a good boyfriend make!

    On the other side of this, do you know how many people try to make a shit (or nonexistant) relationship into something good by cherry-picking only the good synastry, LOL? It never works – see above reason. If one is attempting to handwave some potential red flags, that says all we need to know about the level of self-awareness. As in, it's in the basement.

    It doesn't sound like you have any cause to worry at the moment. Unless you're having something like a pretty rank outer planet transit to your Venus, or Neptune playing flim-flam games in your 5th house, I would not sweat the synastry by itself and write this gent off prematurely. Ground reports say he's treating you well, I'm sure you're diligently self-monitoring for any signs of the LZ Virus, and I'm pretty sure if you're looking into synastry that you've already examined both your own innate natal tendencies (Venus-Saturn, Venus-Pluto, Venus-Neptune, etc.) regarding relationships AND your transits to make sure things like Pluto potentially sucking your love life into Hades or Neptune presenting you with an illusory fairy-tale Prince Charming aren't on the table. Take a breath, chill, and just enjoy the Now.

  11. I have some of the worst possible synastry with my boyf and we’ve been together 4years. it’s been crazy as fuq but also one of the most rewarding — i feel like we’ve overcome/transcended so many ‘squares’ together in a way that has eased my own obstacle-fraught natal chart.

    ex. my venus square his uranus/pluto conjunction; his saturn conjunct my moon; his chiron square my venus; mutual sun square mercury in fixed signs (scorp/aqua); mars square mars, ETC. but it’s also feels v karmic — his venus is conjunct my libra SN exact; we met when saturn was in my 7th (indicated by the moon/saturn i think, and his mars cap conjunct my juno).

    If i saw those aspects in couple’s synastry, i’d be like hell NO, people! but the moment i started getting a handle on my shizz, things stared to turn around. our first 2 years were nuts; our most recent 2 were pretty dang sweet. However, i also feel this is not a forever-type relationship with that venus sq uranus in particular, so there’s a bittersweet quality to this kind of knowledge.

    also, overlays & composites are useful… like his cancer moon makes zero strong aspects in synastry but it falls into my 5th house and it is sublime. collectively we have moon gemini and sun conjunct mercury so reinforces the mercury/sun square in synastry.

  12. Linda Goodman (i wanted to call her Linda Lovegood…. Whoops) talks a lot about oppositions in her synastry work. I had a well thumbed paperback of her interpretations of synastry aspects, obsessing over my husband before he was mine (I was a love zombie). In any case she thought a lot of oppositions were good as far as I can remember. Ye Olde opposites attract and all that. My husband’s Venus is in Gemini opposite my sun for example. And our mercurys are square. His Virgo to my Sagittarius.

  13. Look: I’m an Aries and was recently involved with a Libra. Not to mention, his moon doesn’t know what to do with me, my multiple conjunctions in Aries would have driven him nuts if not for his Scorpio Mars (yummmm when you unlock it) controlling things – which obviously I wasn’t down for.

    My point is this: Who cares. So your synastry is off. I’ve had amazing synastry and no chemistry whatsoever. So, fuq stars and focus on the *chemistry*. The stars play out later, but most things can be worked out with a bit of sweat and rug burn. 😉

    Sure, things went south with my Libra. But more the whole Uzbek/Muslim to my Mexican-American/Catholic thing. And he is a bit young (23 next week! ^^) and inexperienced, and with his Libra sun and Pisces moon can we say “waffler”? But with him I felt beautiful, and his sense of humor was a gleeful surprise to my Mars Gemini.

    I miss him, but I am so tired of the cycles.

  14. I’ve had amazing synastry with the most toxic karmic relationships too. And been inordinately obsessed with working out synastry with every potential relationship.
    Had a few napalm venus/mars aspects, but with total BDL’s (beautiful, dangerous losers).
    And heaps of mars in cancer/ cancer dudes?!?! Conjunct my SN. It appears I’m working through every crap past life hangover in this life… cest la vie…

    The current partner and I don’t have typical “great” synastry, though my Saturn conjuncts his moon and aspects every single other planet of his!?
    Either we’re meant to be or it will combust, yet it’s been the most functional relationship I’ve ever had. Go figure…

  15. Synastry drives me insane. It fuels my Love Zombie tendencies. Scorpio moon adds an extra level of obsessiveness to the investigations.

    I would never pass up an opportunity for connection because of supposedly bad synastry. Life’s too short.

    I agree that house overlays are very instructive. My Achilles heels- the Aquarians- all have had their Sun conjunct my descendant, usually in the 7th house. It’s really uncanny. The other sign sextile my sun, Gemini, makes for fun playful relationships that turn into friendships- and Gemini is my 11th house.

    My brother is, at 42, in the first real love relationship of his life, and I think it’s for keeps. They have the Bingo aspect: her sun conjunct his moon. I’m so happy for him.

  16. Thank you for posting on Synastry MM – I love this topic.

    Jupiter is square my husband’s Lilith & Sun.
    I read this makes us be too indulgent with each other.
    But y’know, ‘cos we like each other. Sounds about right.

    My Moon squares his ASC. Apparently he walks on eggshells about me. (Well yes, but I have Moon in Scorpio fuh goodness sakes).

    My Uranus opp his Chiron and square his Moon: Chemistry, but also stress.

    His Mars is square my Moon: Apparently ignites my fire but co-depency issues can exist. (Our Moons are also trine, his Cancer, mine Scorpio).

    We are super different apart from the aspects. Eg. my NN in Sagg with his NN in Capricorn mean we are on pretty different life paths at times.
    But hey, vive le difference, I don’t expect someone to understand me 100%, love & respect will do.

    I actually forget to do the synastry with my family as I don’t care about it. It’s not changing the love and I don’t need to question their love.
    I take more interest in the synastry between myself and new people in my life.

  17. I agree for sure that self awareness, will and love are what make up a relationship, no matter what synastry is happening.

    I had pretty promising synastry with my first boyfriend (who I still consider my soulmate) but he chose a path of self destruction and I couldn’t join him. Still one of my best friends in the world, always.

    The ex I dated on and off and on and off for 7 years didn’t have the most exciting synastry but Saturn and the NN were holding it together I guess…

    The longest I ever dated anyone (without separations) was a year and a half, and we were oppositions for days. HUGE attraction factor. But he was too young and reckless to understand and compromise with our different needs. Sun opp sun, venus opp venus, mars opp mars, merc opp sun…it was too hard. I’m still really attracted to him though…

    My unconventional-husband-thingy doesn’t have the tightest aspects with me, and it probably isn’t a forever thing which pisses me off, but he’s like my knight in shining armor.

    Really, you should always go for it, but we watchful and use your head if this person acts a fool, even if you have the perfect chart…

    Oh yeah and my original soulmate and I had my moon conj his sun, my sun in his 7th, his Ac in my 5th, my venus conj his mars, my mars trine his venus, his jupiter conj my mercury, etc. But he made his choices 🙁

  18. I had this same question when I first met the Aries, and I’m so glad I set aside my fears and went for it. So evolutionary. Which, by transit, is true – began with a nodal return, ended yesterday with the Venus-merc-sun lineup on it. But synastry- Pluto sq Saturn (1degree) both ways, mars opp Neptune and conj jupes, psyche on asc (psyche hurts always, man), karmas conj each other’s neptunes, Pluto-Juno, Jupiter-Lilith, Eros-Uranus, bunch of SN. Madness. So much self-created pressure and angst. Composite chart even crazier- Saturn Pluto conj within a degree opp Venus and trining/sextiling NN-Neptune-karma conj within half a degree. Composite asc at 29.50 cancer. Karmic pressure grinder. I’ve never felt so old in my life. Saturn-Pluto constantly at war. Oh but the sweetness… Anyway we reset each other, we helped each other find our inner wholeness, not in the relationship, but just in ourselves. I’m inconceivably better than I was two months ago. And he! Who was scattered… The eclipse happened and he became hyper-focused and got rid of absolutely all of his stuff and packed his car and drove off yesterday to move across the country, start a business, and begin a new life. Amazing. Evolve or evaporate- his SR this year was the exact moment of the cardinal cross and all his planets almost are in the heart of the ZZ. No holding h back. Anyway, letting go was sooo hard but I did it – evolution right there. The energy was SUUUPER hi qi and I feel so good about it all – we discharged the karmic relationship perfectly without any loss of love or freedom. Amazing.
    tl;dr: synastry madness is worth it. Absolutely.

    • Wow, that synastry with no.1 is pretty. But good however heartbreaking you let him go. The guy I loved like crazy first I had my sun on his Lilith his sun on my Neptune. LZ illusion? Your synastry was meatier but when my no.1 made his choices I nearly p

      • nearly let go of my senses! But the one thing that remains from that time is that I came out of out ‘karmic relationship’, like you, kind of undamaged on a soul level – something which taught me about who I am. Anyway I relate to this comment! Good luck with knight in shining armour.

        • oh dear, sorry I was replying to akapluto, what a mess. Loved driving away into the horizon stories hdq, it’s always been my bridge burning chiron in aries way..

  19. I dunno about synastry. I was told by person after person that the great love of 2011 was The One etc after looking at our charts. It kept me locked into waiting for him for nearly a year after he went back to his wife. I was broken hearted and probably too vulnerable to certain kinds of people.
    Perhaps the synastry played out, but not in the way I’d hoped… perhaps I’m just bitter about it. Nowadays I take notice only of what people do, how they treat me.

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