Astro-Query: Re-Entering The Mating Orbit

Filed in Astro-Query

Alphonse Mucha

Dearest Mystic,

I’m a subscriber, inspired by your recent Dear Mystic posts (which are so helpful and fun to read) to share a question of my own:

I’m a Taurus Sun-Venus-Lilith, Cap Moon-ASC, with an exact Sun-Neptune opposition  Thank God for all that earth, because… Love Zombie, yo. I’m in recovery, but I think I might have become too reactionary. I either merge instantly and completely, or I shut people out—sometimes (often!) both in the matter of an afternoon.

I’ve been single for 4 years now, doing ME, and I’m pretty content. I wouldn’t mind meeting that special someone, but I am nervous about that prospect. I like my alone-time. Jupiter recently entered my Leo 7th house, so people—and MEN—are starting to pay more attention to me all of a sudden.

Case in point: the day Venus entered my 7th house, to join the Sun, Lilith, Jupiter, and Mercury, I received a FB friend request from a man I did not know, but with whom I share a number of mutual acquaintances, so I accepted. I’m a writer, hoping to write more and bigger things…as it turns out, he’s a published author and speaker. I’m geeking out at this point. We messaged a bit. I’m fantasizing about becoming his protégé, because he is everything I want to be. He asked to call me. That’s when I locked everything down—he doesn’t know me! What if he’s a creep? I really only want to be friends with this guy…how do I finesse that without hurting feelings? I have no idea what to do! So I did the thing I do…buzzkill. I got all super-real. Engaged the shields. Put myself on red alert.

I have never participated in online dating. I don’t like meeting men online, and I don’t like the feeling of being “evaluated,” either. This means that I have no idea how to present myself or build friendships with men online. I want to be open, but I don’t know how to be open without being WIDE open. Especially online. And I hate to assume that if a man is paying attention to me, he’s interested romantically. But that’s generally the case. And men assume the same of WOMEN…which is also generally the case. So I’m a fish out of water, in a few respects, because I’m looking for intellectual comrades most of the time.

Argh. I feel like a relationship idiot. Any advice would be so helpful! I’ve spent too many years saying YES when I meant NO, to spare someone else’s feelings. I don’t want to do that any longer, but now I feel like I’m just downright mean. How do I find the middle ground?

With my undying gratitude,
Taurus-Cap with a Neptune affliction 🙂 

Sweetie,

You are totes over-thinking this (compassionate eye roll). Jupiter anywhere is meant to be where you’re wide-open and taking a few (healthy) risks. So yes, it’s the ideal time to meet more people. It need not be online dating where you are “evaluated.” It can be meet-ups, the gym, the cafe, where-ever. It can be speed-dating – surely the efficiency would appeal to your Cap Rising?

Great Hecate, engage your EARTH sign pragmatism here & leave Neptune for the yoga studio, genius writing or your dream diary. Date with your Capricorn Ascendant. So you may also have PLUTO along there very soon, that’s usually a Big Love. And you’ve done all this amazing work on yourself, no naff over-lapping or just folding the last romance into the next one.

This is perfect!  As for the published author and speaker, so what if he is a creep? You don’t see him again. Creeps exist. People who are less than perfect for you exist. You can’t police the dating world so that it is only a Neptunian paradise, populated by soulmates, muses, mentors and people with whom you feel a wordless affinity + you have the hots for. Also, as a Capricorn Rising, Saturn is your ruler – currently augmented by Mars.

Develop a proper business plan for everything. Like a flow chart. Aim to at least just meet more people. New people in general. Think in terms of collaborating. Fix the Feng Shui. Get a new bed. Tell people you know (remember Jupiter in the 7th is also helpful people) that you’re ready to date/meet people again.

If you find Neptunian meandering creeping into your analysis, isolate it.

But what does everyone else think? There are, after all, some genius peeps who hang out here.

 

Image: Alphonse Mucha

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hdqLux Interior is My Co-PilotSphinxpi Recent comment authors
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Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot
Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot

a big YAH to fenging up the bedroom

Also, meeting new people is always good, dating notwithstanding.

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

I’ve decorated my bedroom with Mucha prints, lots of golds, a splash of burgundy & a dash of olive green. Plants, a persian rug. Mmm lush.

Definitely you want to be feng shui-ing up your bedroom, Taurus-Cap. Not merely for sex itself, but for the whole rejuvenating experience that should be your time spent there. Like, you don’t want to just get laid, you want to be renewed again and again every time you lay in your bed, whether it’s to sleep (and perchance to dream) or to unite with your lover.

Sphinx
Sphinx

That sounds positively byzantine, how lovely!! *sigh* We just installed a lock on our bedroom door. My room looks like a tornado has whipped it up and splat it down again. Which it has really, my son, El Nino, climbs the shelves, piles my clothes/jewellery in one box to see if it will all fit, then dives into the laundry basket and throws it all up in the air. Every day, three times a day (apart from the rest of the house). So far this week we have replaced a carpet (maple syrup dancing), enjoyed the sharpie artwork over the… Read more »

hdq
hdq

Thank you so much for asking this, beautiful earthy one! From one terrified Taurus-influenced new dater (first month in my entire adult life, coinciding with 5th h nodal return) to another, I send you love and confidence. Dating is desensitization therapy. It gets easier and easier and you start caring less and less. Really, online is the way to go. Talk to lots of guys. Lots and lots of them. Stop talking to them at the first sign of hmm, or if you get bored. Trust your gut implicitly. You have zero obligation to abide by social niceties or provide… Read more »

Virgo Ellie
Virgo Ellie

Like!! Love your comment “only see people who you can sleep with 100%”… Yes!! If you don’t do this you will settle.

hdq
hdq

I find that I know within an hour or so of texting. Give it a week and it’s set. Then I dedicate them to the goddess, temple priestess style. Another way to work the 12th house angle. 😉 Yes, getting hung up on one person definitely limits the newness coming in. It’s hard though! I’m finding that I can only really talk to one guy at a time, but they seem to come in spurts. So once I finish talking to one, the next one I wanna hang out with has felt rejected and disappeared. Prob dating 101 stuff, but… Read more »

Anonymous
Anonymous

Ooh, Jamaica, how wonderful!!! Those sound like awesome memories. 🙂 🙂 🙂
If you don’t mind me asking, why are you chatting with guys who you’re not into? That’s like giving your energy away for no reward. I spent two weeks ago doing that with the most boring Taurus ever until I was like “stop!”
Only the exciting ones. And as for your Taurus, sigh. Maybe the 12th house fantasy is good enough? Composite sun and Venus there could have gorgeous haute possibilities tho 🙂

Anonymous
Anonymous

^^^queenie me

calypso
calypso

Ms’ advice is so stunning I don’t feel the need to add, except this: breathe! I have some similar placements to you and I am in a similar place to you (without the fb come-on btw! still a bit isolationist), have been alone and doing solo work a long time now. So it’s a time to heal, a time to let go and now a time to open up to new, potential, your future, you. We can sometimes carry old, limiting patterns or beliefs in our breath, so learning to take in the air differently can trip-start things, see breath… Read more »

anon
anon

Having a similar problem on fb, I love chatting and meeting new people but men are more open to meeting me and it’s harder to connect meet with other women for coffee dates. I don’t always feel comfortable meeting new people alone either. I am introverted and shy with new people. So it causes problems. A mutual friend chided mine saying it was rude to want to meet with “her” friend for coffee to discuss music & art. (even when I invited both of them) My friend doesn’t want to share her friend, so I respect that but my circle… Read more »

pi
pi

Their possessiveness is their problem, not yours! What, they own their friends? Wonder what their pals would think of that. Maybe have a nice casual ‘everyone come around for a couple of drinks / herbal tea / whatever and then some dinner, Presto! You’re all officially friends now and you can do what you like.

anon
anon

Thanks Pi. I am clueless to all these rules of engagement. It seems to be that they enjoy their clique and all share the same rules of friendship. I am the outsider and apparently not very welcome here. I just am happier as a lone wolf. One friend was annoyed I even asked because she fears people are only trying to get to know her because she was married to a local rocker once. Not the case, I thought she was cool w/o knowing who she was married to previously. I was clueless. Tough crowd, not open to new people… Read more »

pi
pi

Yes, cliquey behaviour really shits me. (Its personal..)
You sound generally awesome, so it’s their loss eh.
It’s true , sometimes people simply aren’t in the right place or headspace to be building new friendships into their life, that’s ok too.
But when that decision comes from fear insecurity or misplaced judgement, yes, not cool!
Better luck with other cooler, more open types. Xxoo

Anonymous
Anonymous

thanks! xoxo

Anonymous
Anonymous

didnt mean so sound so shouty in my first reply up there btw. sorry. been a wierd day. x

Anonymous
Anonymous

^ pi

Anonymous
Anonymous

yes, it’s been beyond a weird day. thanks!

davidl
davidl

Neptune in Scorpio opposing your Taurus sun. Get that working for you. I’m not sure you need one special relationship ? How about a few easy ones ? The guy that you like to do coffee with , the one you discuss literature, ideas, one you can take to a family function and other admin, one you like cuddling on your couch. I mean your never going to put up with a ‘Gary’ full time are you ? but he may be fun in small doses. Now about the saying yes when you mean no … That’s just confusing all… Read more »

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

Thank you! Great advice all around. I’m going to just try to meet people, and let let the meetings become what they will.

The problem with lying to myself/others was that I didn’t realize I had a right to say no. Now I realize that I do have a right, and I say no a LOT now–trust me! 🙂 But it does get cloudy sometimes–I have to remind myself that I am my OWN property. I need to work my Neptune to get a Stevie Nicks vibe, rather than as a boundary diffuser! 🙂 Thanks again!!

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

Thank you, Dear Mystic, and everyone who offered their wisdom–you don’t know how much I truly, deeply appreciate this! Happy New Moon, everyone!

Ms.
Ms.

you sound like a complete sweetheart. much love xx

Smudge pot
Smudge pot

A date does not constitute a lifetime commitment. So get out there and date! Stop feeling “evaluated” and start evaluating! Taureans are the beautiful peeps of the zodiac. I know ’cause I’m one! Go girl!

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

Thank you!! OMG, I’m crying. Just the pep talk I needed… <3

Vslr
Vslr

The process of getting to know yourself doesn’t stop and you need to get to know yourself in this new area of dating/men. How do you want to feel when your having a conrsation with a man? How do you want to feel when you’ve arranged a date? How do you want to feel on an ideal date? How do you want the time you spend with a man to feel like? ….as you’re getting ready for a date? …..as you accept/approach a man for a casual conversation? Joyful? Radiant? Sexy? Alive? Connected? Answer such questions. Get in touch with… Read more »

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

Ahhhhh!! This is all so great, so great. And I love Danielle LaPorte. Why don’t I have her book yet? I’m going to fix that as soon as I’m done here… 🙂

Again…I need to chill the fuq out. I get so freaked out by attention sometimes. And that is a recurring theme–I’m seeing this now! Thank you! 🙂

Pi
Pi

ergh. Is that the last 3 hours of the dark moon doing some kind of “you’re fuqed, you know that don’t you. you’re a loser.” on my brain? must have just moved into the Virgo fragment of my second house. accidentally e-stalked the two greatest loves that never were, BECAUSE THAT WILL HELP PI
feck.

What does one do with a second new moon in the second house?

LotusFlower
LotusFlower

Affirm your truest values. Affirm self-worth. You are doing this to remind yourself.. you are delving deep to confront and unmask your demons X Trust yourself.

Anonymous
Anonymous

“accidentally” LOL 🙂

pi
pi

Yes my face fell on they keyboard and happened to hit the keys that spelt out their names!! Twice!! I mean, what?? Sooo crazy. *Gemini smirk* xx

Virgo Ellie
Virgo Ellie

Dear Taurus Cap with Neptune Affliction: Wow..I thought I was the only one who thought that if you said “hello” to a guy they immediately they thought I wanted them. I too am looking for intellectual comrades. But let me say this for you: Yes, stay away from online dating. If you are fully interested in dating are you ready to date different men at one time. I don’t think you are. I think that the man that you are now are friends with sounds to be a good reason to “test” things out. It sounds like you are already… Read more »

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

You’re right…I’m a one man at a time person. I’m not into the whole dating thing, anyway, but I do want to meet people. This is all great advice–I take this all way too seriously. All that Cap energy! I need to tap into my Venus in Taurus and lighten up. Thank you!! 🙂

Ms.
Ms.

The problem with most of this kind of thing is that its actually relatively easy but we make monsters out of shadows. Often there is that peace to be made of why you needed to pull out in the first place. Usually a bad breakup or just a series of shit decisions or boundary management. Happens. I can understand, yes online dating looks like shit when you have a fear of being intimately valued or the like but doll its your show and you can run it however YOU like. A lot of women (and how we are raised in… Read more »

Ms.
Ms.

my auto correct is driving me insane:

you’re
your

yes.

milleunanotte
milleunanotte

Fqng brilliant as ever, Ms. Now that’s Scorpionic kindness.

skarab
skarab

Fabulously put!

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

I’m swooning. Perfection. This is what I would say to my best friend. All that Cap makes me SO SERIOUS. I need to turn on my Taurus vibe. Totally. THANK YOU!!

Ms.
Ms.

Pleasure.

Our own advice is often the one we are walking too so its living wisdom. Now go out and kill it in your own style sans any self nag. It’s your show.

LotusFlower
LotusFlower

Perfectly put. Yes this passivity – culturally bred but often self-confirmed by our responses to what life throws at us – can lock us into a fear-based place. Trust you, Ms., a Scorpio to bring us through & out of that. Reminds me of what another Scorp said: “It takes courage to enjoy it” Bjork – Big Time Sensuality..

Demystify, take back control, do things at own pace and act out of a place of personal power.. Thank you Ms.!

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

Pretty well-put yourself, LotusFlower. Thanks to you!

Ms.
Ms.

xxx

hdq
hdq

Yay!!!!

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

Love that you mentioned play: play is so important! Great perspective, Ms 😉

bull with sting in tail
bull with sting in tail

Delinquency is attractive,

In me

To me

Otherwide (not a typo) is everyone for themselves

Within reason

Got a reason ?

Be kind, be vigilant, be you,

Need to take my own advice 😉

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

Love this. 🙂

DB nee Damons
DB nee Damons

I just googled it.

It’s kind of like a hypermodern Marxist fairytale.

Sphinx
Sphinx

Thx. Lol.

DB nee Damons
DB nee Damons

What the fuq is Dystopian fantasy anyhow?

calypso
calypso

like the Hunger Games?

c’mon, out with your Baudrillardian (?) theory on astrology/ers!

DB nee Damons
DB nee Damons

Not a chance. M would kill me.

DB nee Damons
DB nee Damons

* I do this kind of shit all the time

screams– Editor!!!

DB nee Damons
DB nee Damons

I do think kind of shit all the time and I’m not a creep. I actually just did it like five mins ago. An unbelievably attractive young woman posted a comment on my virtual uni class mates fb post and I introduced myself. Turns out lovely is a published Dystopian Fantasy writer so I sent a pm to ask her about the path/s that took her there. I was unprepared for the response. Wow. Can you do love at first fb profile view? S’pose it’s possible in this hyperreal postmodern age of nostalgic simulacra. Soz, I just read forty pages… Read more »

pi
pi

Yeah I do love at first fb profile. Then I slap myself. 🙂 / 🙁

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

Ha! 🙂

Believe me
Believe me

Trust me, he IS a creep. One that was once banned from here but keeps coming back. If you only knew just how revolting he is. Ugh. Don’t fall for the image he’s projecting.

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

I have a feeling you’re quite a bit younger than I am, and in a different stage of life. When you’re under 30, life is all about meeting people. You just expect it wherever you go. When you’re older, it gets (or can get) weird. But, seriously, good for you for your ability to work that! And I don’t think you’re a creep. This dystopian fantasy author probably doesn’t, either. Sometimes everything just clicks into place. <3

S
S

Hell may have frozen over. Today I joined the cyber world of BookwithFace. Might be a way of meeting someone. It was this post that prompted me to join.

Anonymous
Anonymous

…and another one bites the dust…

hdq
hdq

🙂 I wanna be friends with you! 🙂

venusyonce
venusyonce

Omg I could have written this … it’s jupiter in the eleventh for me, I’ve been practicing softening my heart for a while now. I think it’s working. But having no water in my chart, I realise I should be business planning this as you say a lot more … genius!

pi
pi

You are not being mean. Asserting your own needs and preferences and Self is not mean. It’s just your overly careful brain fuqing with your autonomy. Trust me this is coming from a Pisces with confidence issues from which she is only just digging her way out of the next layer. If that makes sense. YOUR needs are of EQUAL OR GREATER (greater if you don’t know them from a bar of soap) IMPORTANCE than THEIRS. So this means, you are absolutely, totally, perfectly !! Utterly,!!! Free to tell Mr writer guy that you love his work and would be… Read more »

pi
pi

Ah but I think I have missed the bit where / how you choose to draw the line ‘re behaviour. Again, practice, scripting srsly , voice the words with a trusted male (if poss) friend you trust so you can workshop the feelings as you utter the words. Or similar. You know. Sorry I go all Venus in Aries on this stuff. All protective of the sisterhood *calms down*

pi
pi

Also (sorry) be ok with the chance that you will disappoint people by not turning into a Neptune cloud around them xx

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

Thanks, Pi, for the advice, for the sisterhood, and for the good luck wishes! 🙂 My big thing is learning WHERE to draw the line. As Mystic noted, I over-think or don’t think at all. My last love was someone who fought ME to win ME. It irritated me at the time, but I made him have to do that, and he was willing to fight that fight. I secretly expect my next love to do that…but what a pain in the ass, right? I love the Danielle LaPorte quote–I’ll remember that! I also have to remember that no one… Read more »

Anonymous
Anonymous

Hey toro-cap! Yes i realised I sort of missed the point and only went on about the ‘feeling mean’ part.
Which, you know, may or may not be relevant.

Lunar
Lunar

If the person in question has two facebook adresses …

Mallee
Mallee

🙂 I so get this on so many levels! So glad to know I am after all not alone in these feelings and shall look forward to sharing everyone else’s wisdom

Sphinx
Sphinx

The first image that popped in my head was of a duckling being pushed splashing into the water for the first time – then realising it could already swim. 🙂

“When you are clear on your purpose, your intent, your motivation, your agreements, when you are clear in your communications, action flows”.

Sanaya Roman (thanks V!).

Veronica
Veronica

🙂

Taurus-Cap
Taurus-Cap

This is so true. I am scared and in need of a good push! Thank you!!

Mystic Medusa
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