The Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten

woman in full length knitted onesie

Feeling wobbly, forgetful, and introverted during this Mercury retrograde cycle? This can be a great time for renewal and self-reflection. The Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten (TM) is designed specifically to contain and counteract the powerful negative mental and energetic effects of Mercury retrograde.

 

Each body mitten is hand-knitted by celibate Virgos using hypo-allergenic squirrel wool inter-woven with strands of unicorn hair that were marinated in lavender oil infused with emerald powder. This energetic matrix provides a comfortable and fashionable garment to create an aware and stable personal environment before, during, and after Mercury retrograde.

Production of our body mittens follows a strict process of spiritual guidance, prayer, and attunement to the planet. After knitting, garments are dyed a limited range of peaceful colors (aquamarine, blue, green, mauve, teal) in a solution of Clematis, Narcissus, and White Chestnut flower essences to help ground thoughts and calm an over-stimulated mind.

 

The communication port located equidistant between the crown and throat chakras helps to release ideas and thoughts through communication, while the grounding port located below the base chakra allows optional access to reality, and discreet bodily functions, as required.

Mercury Retrograde Body Mittens come in several sizes. If you have a moderate-sized neurosis, just slip into our Mer-X size model, and you’ll immediately feel comforted by the warm sense of enclosure and protection the body mitten provides.

 

For New Age devotees crippled by more complex anxieties, say, involving both Mercurophobia and claustrophobia, you might want to consider our Mer-XL model which gives you greater freedom to thrash around inside your own little insular world.

 

And for co-dependent reality-denial couples, nothing says “I honor the neurotic me I see reflected in you” better than our Mer-2XL model, which features an inner partition liner (not shown) for couples who want to enjoy togetherness without actual physical contact.

 

Note: the Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten is not suitable for children, animals or the elderly with mobility problems. It is, however, eminently suitable for breastfeeding mothers in arch-conservative environments.

 

The Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten: when the world gets too scary for three weeks at a time, you’re safe in your own little world.

 

Cross-Posted with permission from the fabulously Mercurial Mr Alan Annand

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leogroover
leogroover

Still laughing with this post. Keeping me amused in a boring training day. Want one now

Sphinx
Sphinx

Hey, I am all about the poncho (Cancer Stellium Venus, Sat, Mars) but I find this fuqing TERRIFYING!!!

Cynthia
Cynthia

Hilarious! Just as I’m hiding under my covers feeling like a celibate Virgo. Now I have both purpose and protection!

Anonymous
Anonymous

Lol

Jinx DeKat
Jinx DeKat

This is nice, but I’m a Scorpio … can I get one for Mars retrograde please?

leogroover
leogroover

You had me at mitten. Sign me up for one in a soft orange and one in mint green. Could def disapear into another universe in these. Do they make like double ones ?

GFTpisces
GFTpisces

“hand-knitted by celibate Virgos.” Amazing!

calypso
calypso

what sign is it made for? Taurus (hermit), Scorp (privacy) or Kataka (for cosies)?

I imagine Fire & Air signs wouldn’t touch it!

Scorpbot
Scorpbot

My Saggo moon wouldn’t touch it. Too claustrophobic.

Can’t make a quick getaway in that either. LOL.

Anonymous
Anonymous

They’d be cosy for this Kat if they came in a ‘couple format’.

calypso
calypso

unpick the partitions! 😉

KatManDo
KatManDo

But you’d lose the cosiness. I saw reference to thrashn about above; that was about one person……

S
S

Who says that’s the only way to wear it?
Is it just me…the answer is clear: upside down.

leogroover
leogroover

Def a Leo all body poncho/ solo sulk venue. we own it

calypso
calypso

lol 😀

KatManDo
KatManDo

Looks like the human hair dryer

Horned Serpent
Horned Serpent

This just gave me the belly laugh I just so needed today – I want one!
Blesses everyone. xxxxx

S
S

I see you Snuggie and I raise Merc Mitten. I am smitten by the mitten. 🙂

LEF
LEF

Hysterical… “Thrash around inside your own little insular world” – brilliant!

Pi
Pi

Oh god yes indeed! As long as no one sees the thrashing 😉

LEF
LEF

I bookmarked this post … never gets old. And a perfect pick me up during this time!

leogroover
leogroover

in the mitten no one can hear you thrash

LotusFlower
LotusFlower

Hahaha. That was the killer line for me too! 🙂

LeoEscapeArtist
LeoEscapeArtist

rotfl

Veronica
Veronica

I attempted a much less stylish and streamlined version than the one above, yesterday, when the highly stressed Leo was overhauling his car in muddy front garden.

Mine involved closed door, doonas, bergamot oil burning, laptop with good DVD and dog snuggling.

Year of the Phoenix
Year of the Phoenix

Hmmm just realised I am a natal Merc retro along with Neptune – will see how this plays out – am officially starting new job on Wednesday – maybe I learn better during the retros ?

Definitely felt the strange world of Mars retro – all over my libra stellium

LEF
LEF

You’re not alone with your natal mercury retro (mine in scorp, 11th) and an early Libra stellium (10th).

I happen to love the mercury retro transit, as it always feels more fluid… Thoughts and words need less editing. Mystic once suggested most poets have Merc RX, so we’ve got that going for us….

Mars RX was exhausting, but seriously profound in terms of a reality check at work for me. Hated everything so ugly and out of balance, but the insight was priceless.

LotusFlower
LotusFlower

Similarities here too: natal Merc in Scorp/10th house, stationary. Like obscure word combinations that leave a lot open to sound, interpretation, to feeling..

Mars retro on my natal 9th house Libra stellium at the same time as a Pluto to natal Venus square = partly a bitch, partly highly informative. Kickstarted my spiritual practice again and made me A LOT more self-reliant re sources of nourishment in my life. Priceless. (ooh just seen that’s the v.word you used. It’s staying! 😉 )

LotusFlower
LotusFlower

“Thoughts and words need less editing.” How do you feel this plays out? Intriguing..

LEF
LEF

YES – obscure word combos are excellent – I consider myself a lover of all things vocabulary (always looking up words, using the thesaurus, etc.) How does this play out? …. the bit in the Merc rx mitten post (Thrash around in your own little insular world made me laugh so hard, I was crying) … Less editing – During the mRX, I don’t spend much time with thoughts like, “Did I say it wrong? Did they take it the wrong way? What could I have said instead? … or activities such as – reading sent emails, using the backspace/delete… Read more »

LotusFlower
LotusFlower

I do tend to spend a fair bit of time thinking about the exact words I should use in sensitive conversations.. but I am increasingly thinking that this is a good thing and have begun doing it more consciously. Words hold such tremendous power: to create worlds. But yes you are right, there does not seem to be so much blow-back just now from silly things like spelling mistakes or predictive text mess-ups. It feels forgiving out there right now! I know what you mean about the self-isolating thing. Wonder if a Merc in Scorp ret/stnry has something to do… Read more »

LEF
LEF

Vulnerability is such a difficult thing for me … perhaps my scorpio moon is the culprit – battling with my Libra Venus which wants to think it’s all just a light hearted, happy-go-lucky world. The intensity at which I experience my emotions, it’s just WOAH. Learned recently that anger is not the answer and doesn’t appropriately convey the message I intend to send to those I care for. … I think I care for many undeserving folks though. Been a rapid succession of married men in my world as of late … Need to better check my Libra LZ habits… Read more »

Scorpbot
Scorpbot

“Libra LZ habits” LOL.

I’d be totally fine being single forever but damn my Libra venus!! 🙂

LEF
LEF

triple damnit … It’s helpful in artistic pursuits (I paint, draw, metalwork, pottery) and diplomacy, but fuq … would much rather Venus in something more (um, obviously) intense. Doesn’t help matters that my Venus is conjunct Saturn/Jupiter either … Sag rising keeps the contradiction party at a dull roar.

Scorpbot
Scorpbot

LOL. I hear you!!! re all the contradictions

Saggo moon just wants to run away from it all. But yes, – great for art 🙂

LotusFlower
LotusFlower

Teehee – me three! Venus in Libra & Saggo moon – uber friendly and up for fun. Gahh dammit. Doesn’t compute in the real world of qi vampires!! Hmpf 😉

LotusFlower
LotusFlower

Aww, sweet! My pleasure LEF. Blame crappy data contact while travelling through diff airports & countries yesterday for not notifying me of your reply.. I have an 8th house moon so I can relate to the strength of experiencing emotions. It always catches me off-guard as my persona is so much more outgoing & balanced (9th house Libra stellium & Saggo rising). But I do also have a similar Saturn tug down on my Venus (& Mars, and hell Sun) and also a loose Venus-Pluto to play havoc, just when I’m feeling all cool with it and balanced. I say… Read more »

LEF
LEF

Several comforting thoughts here, thanks LF. I have a bundle chart, in the fourth quarter, with Mars and Neptune rising in Sag. (Sun/Moon/Uran in late Scorpio – 12th house, Merc RX/Scorp and Pluto/Libra – 11th house, then my lovely Libra 10th house party with Venus/Jupiter/Saturn/Lillith) I remember the first time I looked at the wheel …. like – OMG, I’m all shoved in the corner! Have attributed most of the emotional chaos to a complete lack of earth representation, but then found Chiron/Taurus in the 5th (completely unaware of how to use THAT) … add the NN in Leo/8th house.… Read more »

LotusFlower
LotusFlower

Aww LEF – so much to respond to and take further; thank you so much for your considered reply! But we’re running out of space here? 🙁 Perhaps see you on a reply on another of MM’s blogposts? I’m a bit hit & miss on whether I read all the comments, but often if I do and (I hope) I have something to contribute, then I do. Lets talk more!

LotusFlower
LotusFlower

But oh, what the hell, I’ve gotta reply! Here goes: I hear you on both the athlete/endless energy front (though the past 36 hours or so – WIPED – from overexpending on friends & travel this past week or so. Just have not wanted to let them down and I’m practically on empty 🙁 Know it will take me days and days of solitude and being uber art, flowers, meditation nice to myself to recover, and I don’t have that time. Solstice is upon us and then the Mars-Uranus opp – the energy is already wanting to move, at the… Read more »

R(Aqua/Tauri)
R(Aqua/Tauri)

I was (literally) hanging in a similar sensory-dep/coccoon thing (http://www.aerialyoga.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/home-02.jpg) at the studio earlier. The rocking motion made it feel extra womb-like.

I don’t get affected as much by Mercury retro but Mars retro was killing me! I feel like the whole Mars retro phase was walking through life with weights on my ankles and now I can freely leap about and stuff. 😀

Electric Eel Libran
Electric Eel Libran

if you like that you might like aerial silks. We get to wrap ourselves into little coccoons in the air!

Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot
Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot

My hair was horrendous during Mars retro (I have Mars in Leo)….

leogroover
leogroover

huge chuckle Lux >>>>>>>>

Rox
Rox

Thundercoat for humans ala Fantastic Planet, straw required…?

Invicta
Invicta

This the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
I’ve been in denial about Meecury retrograde and its effects on my psyche. I be cray cray. Want one.

Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot
Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot

I know a few people who would definitely wear these. But the Gem requests arm holes for computer access.

david5379
david5379

So THAT’S where liz lemon has gone

Libra1Leo4
Libra1Leo4

A tad ridiculous.

aries
aries

lol I clicked on this – first thing that came up on my newsfeed after literally spending some time not longer than 10 minutes ago excessively wrapping myself up in blankets so I could integrate the latest mental downloads. love mercury retrogrades! 😛

mercury goddess
mercury goddess

this was so good right now!!!! LUV U, MYSTIC!

Virgo Ellie
Virgo Ellie

I am IN! Send it ASAP. I just sitting here saying… I want to hibernate! ahhhh… That is exactly how I am feeling.

Thanks Mystic! I don’t feel alone on this current mission.

xo!!

leogroover
leogroover

is that to be ” hibernal” ?

Virgo Ellie
Virgo Ellie

Hmm.. not sure. Now I am interested in what you mean? LOL!!

Virgo Ellie
Virgo Ellie

So.. my paranoia is getting the best of me. I have this great opportunity that is too good to be true. Working from home, getting paid double than my last job and they might end the project next week.. yeah.. The recruiter said that to me. AND, when I introduced myself to the group at the clients and told them where most of my experience was from one person seemed to know people at that company. Well, I noticed that someone from that company checked out my profile on LinkedIn. Wow arrows of negativity came zooming at me. That company… Read more »

pi
pi

perfect for my12th house merc retro. also being a Pisces, shades of lilac are very suitable for me 🙂 i would also accept darkest-hour blue, spiritual-cleanse white, swim-it-out aqua, or burn-it-off red.

Kakata/Aries68
Kakata/Aries68

Perfect as always MM!!! I want one in each colour, so that I can match my Body Mitten to whichever Mercury Mood I am experiencing (thankfully it has only been one mood per day so far).

Feeling super wobbly today, and I thought I’d come through the full moon with flying colours, but wowza, the energy today has me feeling incredibly scattered.

Electric Eel Libran
Electric Eel Libran

how timely that this came out as Facebook decided to allow breast feeding women pictures recently.

Anonymous
Anonymous

eew, biology! groosss! breasts only ok when augmented and bursting out of PVC bikini tops etc.
j/k

Electric Eel Libran
Electric Eel Libran

ikr????? Breasts not suitable to be shown for actual purpose!

Katmando
Katmando

Mammaries not included

S
S

Well it does remind me of the cartoon Snorks. Norks v Snorks.
http://snorks.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Characters

Anonymous
Anonymous

I saw this pic a few months ago on FB and it had a joke with it and Nothing to do with Mercury. I think a knitter may have seen it too and is looking for a way to make some money from it!

Methinky
Methinky

Genius!!!!! I’ll take six. Just for today!

Ashleah
Ashleah

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