The Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten

woman in full length knitted onesie

Feeling wobbly, forgetful, and introverted during this Mercury retrograde cycle? This can be a great time for renewal and self-reflection. The Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten (TM) is designed specifically to contain and counteract the powerful negative mental and energetic effects of Mercury retrograde.


Each body mitten is hand-knitted by celibate Virgos using hypo-allergenic squirrel wool inter-woven with strands of unicorn hair that were marinated in lavender oil infused with emerald powder. This energetic matrix provides a comfortable and fashionable garment to create an aware and stable personal environment before, during, and after Mercury retrograde.

Production of our body mittens follows a strict process of spiritual guidance, prayer, and attunement to the planet. After knitting, garments are dyed a limited range of peaceful colors (aquamarine, blue, green, mauve, teal) in a solution of Clematis, Narcissus, and White Chestnut flower essences to help ground thoughts and calm an over-stimulated mind.


The communication port located equidistant between the crown and throat chakras helps to release ideas and thoughts through communication, while the grounding port located below the base chakra allows optional access to reality, and discreet bodily functions, as required.

Mercury Retrograde Body Mittens come in several sizes. If you have a moderate-sized neurosis, just slip into our Mer-X size model, and you’ll immediately feel comforted by the warm sense of enclosure and protection the body mitten provides.


For New Age devotees crippled by more complex anxieties, say, involving both Mercurophobia and claustrophobia, you might want to consider our Mer-XL model which gives you greater freedom to thrash around inside your own little insular world.


And for co-dependent reality-denial couples, nothing says “I honor the neurotic me I see reflected in you” better than our Mer-2XL model, which features an inner partition liner (not shown) for couples who want to enjoy togetherness without actual physical contact.


Note: the Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten is not suitable for children, animals or the elderly with mobility problems. It is, however, eminently suitable for breastfeeding mothers in arch-conservative environments.


The Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten: when the world gets too scary for three weeks at a time, you’re safe in your own little world.


Cross-Posted with permission from the fabulously Mercurial Mr Alan Annand


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66 thoughts on “The Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten

  1. Wholesale Nike Jaguars Bortles 2014 NFL Draft Jersey Cheap From China Free Shipping

  2. Hilarious! Just as I’m hiding under my covers feeling like a celibate Virgo. Now I have both purpose and protection!

  3. You had me at mitten. Sign me up for one in a soft orange and one in mint green. Could def disapear into another universe in these. Do they make like double ones ?

  4. what sign is it made for? Taurus (hermit), Scorp (privacy) or Kataka (for cosies)?

    I imagine Fire & Air signs wouldn’t touch it!

  5. This just gave me the belly laugh I just so needed today – I want one!
    Blesses everyone. xxxxx

  6. I attempted a much less stylish and streamlined version than the one above, yesterday, when the highly stressed Leo was overhauling his car in muddy front garden.

    Mine involved closed door, doonas, bergamot oil burning, laptop with good DVD and dog snuggling.

  7. Hmmm just realised I am a natal Merc retro along with Neptune – will see how this plays out – am officially starting new job on Wednesday – maybe I learn better during the retros ?

    Definitely felt the strange world of Mars retro – all over my libra stellium

    • You’re not alone with your natal mercury retro (mine in scorp, 11th) and an early Libra stellium (10th).

      I happen to love the mercury retro transit, as it always feels more fluid… Thoughts and words need less editing. Mystic once suggested most poets have Merc RX, so we’ve got that going for us….

      Mars RX was exhausting, but seriously profound in terms of a reality check at work for me. Hated everything so ugly and out of balance, but the insight was priceless.

      • Similarities here too: natal Merc in Scorp/10th house, stationary. Like obscure word combinations that leave a lot open to sound, interpretation, to feeling..

        Mars retro on my natal 9th house Libra stellium at the same time as a Pluto to natal Venus square = partly a bitch, partly highly informative. Kickstarted my spiritual practice again and made me A LOT more self-reliant re sources of nourishment in my life. Priceless. (ooh just seen that’s the v.word you used. It’s staying! 😉 )

        • YES – obscure word combos are excellent – I consider myself a lover of all things vocabulary (always looking up words, using the thesaurus, etc.)

          How does this play out?
          …. the bit in the Merc rx mitten post (Thrash around in your own little insular world made me laugh so hard, I was crying)
          … Less editing – During the mRX, I don’t spend much time with thoughts like, “Did I say it wrong? Did they take it the wrong way? What could I have said instead? … or activities such as – reading sent emails, using the backspace/delete key, mining for just the right word/phrase. Everything just seems to happen on point with less angst afterwards.
          …. the very fact that I’m posting here might be another example. I watch you all banter and learn so much in the process, but I felt like I had something to contribute this time, so here I am.

          The last item may be more Saturn on my Sun/Moon/Merc recently, as I’ve come alive to the fact that vulnerability (even if via the internet) helps me to feel more connected to others … even when I feel like hiding in my Scorpio den. for days/months/sometimes years 🙂

          • I do tend to spend a fair bit of time thinking about the exact words I should use in sensitive conversations.. but I am increasingly thinking that this is a good thing and have begun doing it more consciously. Words hold such tremendous power: to create worlds.

            But yes you are right, there does not seem to be so much blow-back just now from silly things like spelling mistakes or predictive text mess-ups. It feels forgiving out there right now!

            I know what you mean about the self-isolating thing. Wonder if a Merc in Scorp ret/stnry has something to do with it? The vulnerability sounds like such a key to unlocking the doors… often times the doors, the walls, behind which we hide are imaginary. When we accept our vulnerability, we see we had the key to the (non existent) door all along…
            Showing the vulnerability is the bravest thing. I am trying too, under the pressure of a natal Saturn-Venus square being tapped up by this Pluto transit, to dare to show myself, show my need for love and affection, in certain comms too. It ain’t easy 😉

            Please come comment here more often!! 🙂

            • Vulnerability is such a difficult thing for me … perhaps my scorpio moon is the culprit – battling with my Libra Venus which wants to think it’s all just a light hearted, happy-go-lucky world. The intensity at which I experience my emotions, it’s just WOAH.

              Learned recently that anger is not the answer and doesn’t appropriately convey the message I intend to send to those I care for. … I think I care for many undeserving folks though. Been a rapid succession of married men in my world as of late … Need to better check my Libra LZ habits …

              Curious to know how you feel about your fire/water combo? How that manifests in life and what’s challenging?

              Thank you for making me feel welcome, LF!

            • “Libra LZ habits” LOL.

              I’d be totally fine being single forever but damn my Libra venus!! 🙂

            • triple damnit … It’s helpful in artistic pursuits (I paint, draw, metalwork, pottery) and diplomacy, but fuq … would much rather Venus in something more (um, obviously) intense. Doesn’t help matters that my Venus is conjunct Saturn/Jupiter either … Sag rising keeps the contradiction party at a dull roar.

            • LOL. I hear you!!! re all the contradictions

              Saggo moon just wants to run away from it all. But yes, – great for art 🙂

            • Teehee – me three! Venus in Libra & Saggo moon – uber friendly and up for fun. Gahh dammit. Doesn’t compute in the real world of qi vampires!! Hmpf 😉

            • Aww, sweet! My pleasure LEF. Blame crappy data contact while travelling through diff airports & countries yesterday for not notifying me of your reply..

              I have an 8th house moon so I can relate to the strength of experiencing emotions. It always catches me off-guard as my persona is so much more outgoing & balanced (9th house Libra stellium & Saggo rising). But I do also have a similar Saturn tug down on my Venus (& Mars, and hell Sun) and also a loose Venus-Pluto to play havoc, just when I’m feeling all cool with it and balanced. I say it’s all par for the course. Meant to be.. with its own lessons. Just now I’m feeling more optimistic than usual – perhaps the lessons we learn really do make the pinches & squeezes worth it. Though the string of married men sounds TOUGH on your heart, love. Is there something you are trying not to feel? The Moon-Neptune-Chiron fandango today made me think: we are ALL deserving of love. I think both or either of Saturn and Pluto acting on your Venus can make you question that.

              I think fire and water are the ultimate combo 😉 Fire can lift water up from the inside and rise to the heights of heartfelt, compassionate inspiration. And water can deepen and add ‘tendresse’ to the otherwise sometimes arid landscape of the fiery, spirit nature.

              Where is the fire in your chart? Mine is solely the Sagg ascendant. Water I have a grand trine of though and quite a few significant house placements to. I think I separate my experience of the two (Sagg & water) out quite a bit: I think of myself as physically quite fire-driven, but water comes out in my need for art, solitude and compassionate contact with other people (though I’m quite choosy about who & how I really share with). How do you find that they manifest in your life? Do you have much balancing Earth?..

            • Several comforting thoughts here, thanks LF.

              I have a bundle chart, in the fourth quarter, with Mars and Neptune rising in Sag. (Sun/Moon/Uran in late Scorpio – 12th house, Merc RX/Scorp and Pluto/Libra – 11th house, then my lovely Libra 10th house party with Venus/Jupiter/Saturn/Lillith) I remember the first time I looked at the wheel …. like – OMG, I’m all shoved in the corner! Have attributed most of the emotional chaos to a complete lack of earth representation, but then found Chiron/Taurus in the 5th (completely unaware of how to use THAT) … add the NN in Leo/8th house. Someone once said, “you come from a dark place, don’t you?” … Yep, it’s called the 12th house. Thanks for noticing!

              Completely agree with your description of how experiences separate and I once read that’s very Sag rising. I thank the stars for my Sag placements and think of myself as the eternal optimist, adventurer and athlete; got the most energy of anyone I know. Like you, I’m uber selective of who gets to the inner circle and even more selective about sharing. ART? love it … solitude? YES please! Compassion? maybe too much, especially with these fuqwit married dudes I’m a magnet for, starting just when Saturn moved to Scoprio and more intensly when Pluto started squaring my Venus.

              You ask if there’s something I’m trying not to feel … yeah, I mean … there’s a part of me that’s terrified of someone actually in love with me! LOL … Known that for a while and have connected these emotionally unavailable jacka**es (3 of them!) accordingly. Yes, it’s tough on my heart, but quitting is not an option … hopeful once Saturn moves and Pluto stops knocking, I’ll get more solid options in this department.

              Fire/Water can be my greatest ally or a maddening curse … the younger version of me was all low water, all the time. People flock to disclose their deepest secrets and say I’m so easy to talk to, got more empathy than anyone should willingly sign up for and some would consider my advice and insight to border on psychic. Resiliency after crisis might be another fire/water manifestation of mine, having managed to find compassion for a family history that was just plain ugly … I’ve phoenixed more times than I care to remember and know there’s many more to come!

              Safe thoughts for you in your travels and many thanks for sharing 🙂

              … by the way, this self disclosure thing feels kinda good!

            • Aww LEF – so much to respond to and take further; thank you so much for your considered reply! But we’re running out of space here? 🙁 Perhaps see you on a reply on another of MM’s blogposts? I’m a bit hit & miss on whether I read all the comments, but often if I do and (I hope) I have something to contribute, then I do. Lets talk more!

            • But oh, what the hell, I’ve gotta reply! Here goes: I hear you on both the athlete/endless energy front (though the past 36 hours or so – WIPED – from overexpending on friends & travel this past week or so. Just have not wanted to let them down and I’m practically on empty 🙁 Know it will take me days and days of solitude and being uber art, flowers, meditation nice to myself to recover, and I don’t have that time. Solstice is upon us and then the Mars-Uranus opp – the energy is already wanting to move, at the same time as my body telling me I need to slow down. Arrgh – Sagg rising does NOT like that! 😉

              Then the over empathising – I would also hear how easy I am to talk to/tell things to. I sometimes feel I have lived several lives in one, just through what I have felt in empathising with others. I try not to judge and I think people feel very ‘held’ and seen by that.. and the life stories come out. I have had to learn about boundaries though after an ex tried to abuse my trust and kindness. I guess as a multi-Scorp you find that easier? But Neptune rising in the 12th (me too) is surely the culprit for this particular piece of loveliness?
              Phoenixing – hell yes. Call myself a transformation junkie! Think it’s the Libra/Saggo thing too though, mixed with Scorp influences – the need to transform it into something more, something better, with meaning, that can give energy to the future.. WELL DONE on getting over, or at least coming to terms with, that crap. Not easy.. hell no. The hardest thing – family imprintations. You’ve shed skins.. amazing. Full respect.

              And water / fire: was musing today on image of kettle over fire. Too much fire (energy/effort/spirit), you evaporate out all the emotion (water). Too little fire (belief, optimism in the situation) and the water cools off the boil. I too fear the being loved thing – it’s bad enough being really seen right? This is surely the ultimate fear to accept and open/eradicate the door, the walls? I’m really feeling it today tbh. Really not sure I wanna be loved. What when there’s all that blissful solitude to enjoy, sit amongst my roses undisturbed? Ah what to do.. the world calls, and I might just pretend I’m not home…

              Thanks for sharing and responding back too LEF. Wishing you solstice greetings wherever you are and balm to your tender heart. Admire your courage in not giving up on those tough situations – the phoenix will rise again, but in the meantime, a little love might not hurt?..

  8. This the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
    I’ve been in denial about Meecury retrograde and its effects on my psyche. I be cray cray. Want one.

  9. lol I clicked on this – first thing that came up on my newsfeed after literally spending some time not longer than 10 minutes ago excessively wrapping myself up in blankets so I could integrate the latest mental downloads. love mercury retrogrades! 😛

  10. I am IN! Send it ASAP. I just sitting here saying… I want to hibernate! ahhhh… That is exactly how I am feeling.

    Thanks Mystic! I don’t feel alone on this current mission.


    • So.. my paranoia is getting the best of me. I have this great opportunity that is too good to be true. Working from home, getting paid double than my last job and they might end the project next week.. yeah.. The recruiter said that to me. AND, when I introduced myself to the group at the clients and told them where most of my experience was from one person seemed to know people at that company. Well, I noticed that someone from that company checked out my profile on LinkedIn. Wow arrows of negativity came zooming at me. That company did not want me to move forward at all and some of my co-workers were drama queens. They want to make sure everyone knew that since they had Master’s Degrees that no one without a BS or MS could do their work. I only have an Associates. But when I got to my new state and GOT a position that they were in I did very well. So, of course my resume says I can do it. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they bad mouthed me. I know.. I am being so paranoid right now.. it is consistent with what is going on here. Please let things fall into place where I have a job like this for a little bit longer.

      (sigh). Mid June is suppose to be an epic time for me career wise per Mystic. An opportunity that shows up I respond with thinking it’s beyond me but Mystic says go for the growth and this job is definitely making me grow. So, I am thinking (hoping) it my current job 🙂


  11. perfect for my12th house merc retro. also being a Pisces, shades of lilac are very suitable for me 🙂 i would also accept darkest-hour blue, spiritual-cleanse white, swim-it-out aqua, or burn-it-off red.

  12. Perfect as always MM!!! I want one in each colour, so that I can match my Body Mitten to whichever Mercury Mood I am experiencing (thankfully it has only been one mood per day so far).

    Feeling super wobbly today, and I thought I’d come through the full moon with flying colours, but wowza, the energy today has me feeling incredibly scattered.

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Mystic Medusa