Dear Mystic – Retrogrades Send Me Bats

Roy Lichtenstein

Dear Mystic,

Is it normal for a Virgo to go really OUT THERE when things are Retrograde? By things i mean Mercury, Mars, anything.

My relationships (Mars in Sagg) are exciting, unpredictable and above all, imaginary lol.

I walk around looking as if I care so little I could nod off at any moment, while my Virgo Sun goes quietly berserk, OCD-ing on whatever.

My job involves staying up all night, chewing my own lips off, drumming the desk, and getting pissed when colleagues don’t respond at 2:50 am, because I AM AWAKE. This activity is nicely (insanely) enhanced by a Sun/Jupiter trine.

All the while my Moon in Aquarius wants to follow the white rabbit, into another dimension, that I assume is full of rainbows, unicorns, and Dali looking people. And when I meet these people/creatures, we ideally sit in a circle, tactfully talking rubbish, painting each other with whichever colors are most complexion enhancing, and squeezing tubes of condensed milk down our throats. Libra Venus…

This is probably where I meet my imaginary boyfriends!!!

I wonder what the retrogrades are doing to these associated, intoxicators? Slow them down, reverse the effects, detoxify, or, god no, enhance them?!  Are Retrogrades pharmaceutically regulated? 

Yours With Addled Love,

The O.C.D. Virgo

Dear O.C.D. Virgo,

If this is how you are NOW, imagine how you will be when Jupiter gets into Leo and activates that Mars in Sagittarius. I don’t know what sort of job you do but it seems like your Moon in Aquarius craves the company of more kindred souls – my feeling is that the Uranus-Mars opposition strong the last week of June will create a (positive) sensation in your life and that of other Uranian type people.  Some strange plant seeds only sprout in intense heat, like that of a forest fire. So if that was April, late June is the flowering.

And retrogrades are pharmaceutically regulated by Neptunian Life Coaching Services.  Just remember that with them, you may not be clear WHICH of your lives is being coached.

Image: Roy Lichtenstein

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31 thoughts on “Dear Mystic – Retrogrades Send Me Bats

  1. Gods i love my imaginary boyfriends and dimensions full of rainbows and unicorns and shit!

    Love this post OCD virgo!!!!

    • lmfao. fuck the imaginary dick…i want some real life penis and he better have some money along with it too. i got bills to pay and a donation to mystic need to be payed. :p

      • YES!!! I want reality. I did the whole imaginary for so long…venus and moon in 12th house. No thanks. Make it real baby.

        • I’m a dick, and have had several expressions of interest from sexy femme suitors, lately.
          It’s kind rad that every one of them has ditched me the second they realised I’m broke, and not just some boho, minimalistic, artistic surfer fuqer.
          I mean, they’re all loaded, bored, and want to “hang-out because none of my other friends have flexible schedules.” Yeah, well, as my tarot told me this morning, from now on, no-one’s vamping my Qi, for free! Hot or not.


          • A-Men! 😉 surely the wealth of pleasure they would receive under your er masculine touch is riches enough no, Mr anon?
            *gem-rising provocative eyebrow raise*

          • I’m with Pi here too. For me a guy having ££££ is a non issue. That’s not what I want him for. If anything it would be a disadvantage since all the single dudes with ££££ I’ve dated were slightly sociopathic and toxic. I just want a guy to be a guy. Not Freddie Freeloader as such but definitely not. “I’ll buy you dinner “. I can buy my own dinner. Thanks. That line makes my skin crawl. Why would a guy think I’m this well groomed yet can’t afford food?

            • Raises a perfectly arched Virgoan eyebrow, and flashes a come hither Saggo grin before flipping my fibre optics (cuz I’m worth it:)

            • wow same here.
              i make my own $$$. I don’t need his, but would be nice if he had enough to pay his own way comfortably and knew how to share.

              • Exactly! Girls, where are you? I’m oaying my way through life, I don’t bludge. I study 40+ hrs per week and so I walk out of uni with distinctions instead of passes. I fall back on my trade and do cashies when I can. I pay my rent, every week, on time every time. I don’t have rich parents to sponge off. I’m a great, lovely, caring, thoughtful, loving and trystworthy uy with LOTS to offer in nearly every department… Why I attract seriously wealthy broken women, I’m not sure? I need a strong women, who won’t give a fuq what her friends are going to think about dating a man, who just hasn’t found his feet in financial realms, as yet. For fuqs sake, shit goes pear shaped for me just when I’ve confessed my feelings, which takes balls, and then they tell their besty, who goes, oh no, fuq that, that slimy fuquer is after your money. I want some someone who can’t think for themselves, and doesn’t care what their peers think.

                • Am not wealthy, but much more financially stable than my partner when we got together.
                  I kind of kept him afloat for a few years. this year I have had no work, and he has returned the favour!

                  I dunno about these women you are meeting, are you in Sydney?
                  They sound like they don’t think outside the box much. Like, they can only recognise one power dynamic: the male must be wealthy and the provider. No other style of relationship can be taken seriously. Boring.

                  I have always preferred to make and have my own money. The Leo has got a bit bossier around the house whilst handing me the cash 🙂

  2. As an official Pisces constantly addled by Mercury, retrogrades don’t seem to do too much in my world? Apart from stretch out the energy longer. It’s a wierd combination of both vague-ing out, and noticing little details then moving on already. Plus I have been really short on sleep the last 18 months. No, not children. Prog mars on Sun merc? Emo issues and self sleep deprivation is a psych thing? Not sure

    • Although as for imaginary lovers, I am so there. How else am I supposed to experience romance? You should hear the conversations I have with Current Crush (verboten crush). The Oracle is not even actively discouraging me, just kind of saying yeah you know it but hello reality duh

      • I have been having imaginary conversations with my verboten crush too. Yesterday we had a full blown argument (all in my head. My rejection issues and attacking him for not responding to an email I sent but knew I shouldn’t have which didn’t require a response anyway. ‘Twas just me being needy) cue me angrily berating myself for being needy and falling for someone I never intended to fall for. Post glass of wine last night “we” listened to music together.
        Then I ate ice cream AGAIN and went to sleep. Eventually.
        I am so over imaginary crushes. I did go out (5 metres from my flat) but still it’s a start and I plan to get out a lot more.
        I also realised yesterday that until I finish my site and really launch into the next phase of my life, ie totally leaving all remnants of my past behind (not with shame because I’m not ashamed. I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve done but until I really complete this transition I can’t reasonably expect to be on the market sans complications. So the only reason I’m living in the shadows and lusting after ML is because of my own inertia, fear and self imposed shame. There is no need to live in the shadows. I’m coming out. It’s my time. I have to do this now.
        I also deserve a work / life balance which is why I now work on my site and studies a few hours each day but also make time for gym and meet ups.
        That’s the plan anyway.
        I’m kind of enjoying this Mercury retro. No idea why. It might just be the relief of Mars going forward again. How is Verboten crush btw?

  3. i am so guilty of being tripped out by mercury retrograde. im just so worried about my dysfunctional parents right now ,who are drinking the water on the gold coast which has recently had fluoride added to it.

    then i read an article by a doctor about dementia being directly liked to fluoride which puts metals on the brain, which dementia peeps have in abundance!

    My dad was a bit vague and now since the fluoride has become very disorientated and nobody will listen to me about getting a water filter.

    My Parents dumb, eat vegies from the supermarket use a microwave all the time , just got to let go

  4. Thank you M, re decloaking Tarot pay wall; truly serendipitous.
    I’ll repay you, when I re-adjust this money mojo wig-out, of late.
    Love you, you know who. x

  5. I would not like to be a Virgo with Mars in Sag and an Aquarian Moon. That would be very confusing energy to balance indeed. No wonder you’re employed to be up at 2.50am sniping at people about the lack of pen organisation whilst fantasising of imaginary boyfriends in a parallel universe.

    I am a Cancer with Mars in Aqua and Moon in Sag which is goddam confusing enough!! Every aspect of my chart virtually screams “individuate!” … “don’t be a biatch to da Man!!”. Whilst my Cancer sun and venus sulk about bills to pay, the realities of life and being abandoned starving on the street with only imaginary boyfriends to keep me company.

    Retrogrades in general are annoying. But I’ve found the current Merc one to be the least irksome when compared to Venus and Mars retro which were both horrible and upsetting in equal measure.

    What was the question again ?? …. Are retrogrades pharmaceutically regulated? Dunno about that, but they should bloody well come with a public health warning.

  6. I am on sabbatical from imaginary boyfriends.
    Who doesn’t want to get art materials, love making and a canvas sheeting all mixed together.

    • of course i want that, but imaginary is all that is available. I can want a sailing yacht, but all i have access to is an inflatable raft. I’ll take the raft until so mething better comes along. better than drowning!

  7. 😀 I love this post. I am a Virgo and then some…and I have 7 imaginary boyfriends. Because I don’t have time in the outer world for the mess of real r’ship people…and they often become afterthoughts to the Pragmatic Work that is Really Important, family, random flitting to various corners of world, etc. And my imaginary bf’s, imaginary faults and all, leave me alone when I want them to and conversely are available when I wish… You say ‘fantasy prone personality’, I say ‘introvert coping with the external’ *hums happily*

  8. …there is also such thing as a tulpa. I would love to hear your astro thoughts on this phenomenon Mystic x

  9. A guy on the radio said that there wont be another full moon on the 13th for 49 years. Wats he talking about?