Astro-Gaga: Saturn Dating Goggles

Filed in ASTRO GAGA

Kai Z Feng Harpers Bazaar China

Saturn Relationships are not possible for everyone. If you are not lucky enough to be a natal Venus-Saturn person or strong in Capricorn, you need help.

Saturn Dating Goggles are a must for Love Zombies in recovery.ย  They afford the user extra powers of perception, sanity, and reserve. They’re the opposite of Neptune Dating Goggles.

Over the online dating scene, Vanadium Lightyear vowed to date only in person, with available earth-bound human beings only.

Once she had screened for sanity and genuine singleness, her software pulled up one option within her radius.

The pentagrams on her wrist boosted her confidence and were fabulous fashion Feng Shui.

But it was the special Saturn Dating Goggles she’d gotten from Neptunian Life Coaching services that gave V the edge.

Still, she missed the Neptune Goggles.

Delusion is the most potent aphrodisiac of all.ย  Or rather, it was, before Saturn Relationships.

 

Image: Kai Z Feng

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flowerchildGemyogihdqiris aquacatelectric eel libran Recent comment authors
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Gemyogi
Gemyogi

Oh yeah. I’ve had the Saturn goggles on for some time now. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Charles
Charles

I think I will stick with my current frames, the Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses.

pi (maintenance mode)
pi (maintenance mode)

hmm. Do they come with a bad-Qi reflective lens coating?

hdq
hdq

Can these also be Venus in Gem glasses? Dating a disabled man with a working memory of about a half-hour means he has lost his virginity 37x in the last week and a half and is blissfully happy… whereas I am (dare I say it?) starting to get bored. Goggles to bring back the zing, the virgoan dj skills, the sparkling convos about anomalies on Titan, etc? Like google glass without the lame factor.

Pi
Pi

oh hdq!! is there a movie plot in this? “50 first times”

hdq
hdq

Definitely! To be written by a creative, beautifully grounded genius enduring a killer 5th house transit whilst recovering from a crucifix shanking in a nun-run halfway house of silence. The fantasy is more cinematic than the reality.
PS a million loves dear Pi xxxxx

pi (maintenance mode)
pi (maintenance mode)

the writing of the thing could be even more dramatic!
I’m not sure if it’s ok to ask and if you don’t care to answer that is obviously ok, but i was wondering Did they ever work out what happened to him? to cause all this?

hdq
hdq

Oh yeah, the truth finally came out. Ketamine overdose. The only question is whether or not it was intentional. We’ll probably never know. ๐Ÿ™

gemyogi
gemyogi

Sweetie…. do NOT COMMIT YOURSELF TO THIS MAN because you want to save him…

Not your responsibility darling! XX

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

I met a talented, good-looking, home-grown guy irl at an Art Fest over the weekend. What first caught my attention was this gorgeously detailed painting he’d done full of hidden faces, moons, pentacles… and as I was engrossed in the painting, finding all the hidden goodies, he said, “Here: look at this,” & he flips the painting upside down & omg there was a whole different picture with new hidden goodies! I totally squeed, like he just pulled a rabbit out of his hat haha So I had a million questions then & a flood of convo between us ensued.… Read more »

Ms.
Ms.

love that you are manifesting
*poof*

๐Ÿ™‚

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

๐Ÿ™‚ poof– It’s been intense at times! Like yesterday when a bolt of lightning hit the ground just beyond the window we were looking thru at the moment– it sounded like a laser & I felt *felt* it in my chest! Holy shiz I felt it in my chest like a bazillion bits of light, & by the time my hand made it to my chest & a gasping sound came out of my mouth the bolt was already gone, it happened so fast. I couldnt see anything but white & I reached over & found my son’s arm &… Read more »

Ms.
Ms.

that’s a bit literal :/

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

Right? It’s so fuqing surreal bats! Today I’m staying in & doing the dark moon tidy protocol. Going to smudge, too. Just need to process & regroup. Still so much static electricity in the air! Wow.

Ms.
Ms.

Yes. i am about to bleed today and have shut the curtains on a moody sun like day to go into bats nest hermit mode and belt out the bio of a century, if only I wasn’t so pms hehe. Channelling electricity

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ms.
Ms.

with your current weather patterns and current astro it’s shame we are not mad scientists . It would be rather useful if we were erecting new monster men

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

Love that, Ms! We’ll wear foil hats & rubberboots. It’s aliiiive

pi (maintenance mode)
pi (maintenance mode)

wow!!!!
take care out there. More artists with yummy eyes. Less lightning bolts outside house. (it did sound kind of crazy though.) Uranus/Mars take a detour via your house?

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

You know my place is a psychic magnet! Probably I can skip the smudging on second thought: think Ma Nature cleared the place for me already ๐Ÿ™‚ Yes, more gooey-eyed artists, please!

hdq
hdq

That’s a hell of a smudge!! Nothing but the best for you! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

Psy energy magnet. Wonder how much of that is Saturn rolling thru my 8th tho, like making that kind of typically unseen 8th house energy real in the physical world. But with Neptune on my AC-Jupiter & Uranus trans my 1st, hells if I kno really. One day at a time lol

Scorpbot
Scorpbot

*poof* It’s electrifyiiiiiiiiiiing! ๐Ÿ˜€

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

Amazing! Have fun! Xx

Ms.
Ms.
hdq
hdq

Fuq yes! Ha!!!

Ms.
Ms.

I also like that Vanadium Lightyear is using her saturn venus transit practising posing as a praying mantis before her pluto transit kicks in

electric eel libran
electric eel libran

they’re having praying mantis sex in the picture. When she climaxes, he gets his head ripped right off.

freedom ala air
freedom ala air

Very clever mm… Full kudos! You’re right in the money!

You always are the most clever with words, you must have some superb Gemini in your chart!

Much appreciated rap up from the dating schmating schmoozle x

Ms.
Ms.

lol

I’ve gone the next step and not dating anyone until my chi/income/awesome is rocking to a place where I am happy to share it intimately. Saturn 5th vision #nogoggles

Pi
Pi

Hi. So I made a booking for you in the Saturn In 5th Boarding House. Single beds only, and they squeak by the way. The rehearsal rooms and workshops are on the lower floors. Curfew = midnight. Extensive library, and the bathrooms are well equipped. Gym is available. No Visitors.

Ms.
Ms.

Boarding house or hell? That sounds like nun prison Pi. Why don’t you come to my saturn 5th pad instead? Daily ted talks about creative solutions and lateral problem solving skills. Physical training and working on your performance skills. All the trainers double as long term goal specialists. Outfits double as chic weaponry. Dating can only be achieved if its mastery of fun and social betterment.

Pi
Pi

nun prison! ๐Ÿ˜†
if those trainers have some top notch life coaching skills i can totally get on board.

Ms.
Ms.

Irish nun prison.

Pi closed for maintenace
Pi closed for maintenace

I was actually envisaging more of a peaceful cloister with an Arts focus and watchful eye over mis-dating moments…rather than a penitentiary, just in case we have had a misunderstanding here ๐Ÿ™‚

electric eel libran
electric eel libran

making shivs from crucifixes…

electric eel libran
electric eel libran

no locks on any doors! Smoking detectors in every room. All food, devoid of pleasures like garlic. onion, and chocolate!

gemyogi
gemyogi

That sounds lovely if there is a hot tub… and remedial masseurs… I’m there!!

Pi
Pi

oh god, i think i’ve just figured it out. i cannot complain about saturn in 5th. I have too much creative learning / work to do, and only 13 or so degrees of my 5th house left for Saturn & Me to work on it.. this is saturn’s mission here. this is not about romance. Right. Quit fuqing around Pi.
Thanks Ms for inadvertently providing the breakthrough

Ms.
Ms.

You are always so hard on yourself. Saturn virgo natal is a life sentence guilt trip if you let it. You have 13 degrees and the rest of your life to get this right. Our saturn refines to a point and that is a lifetime of work. Make something lasting your really want and let go, that is pisces speciality. The hotness as we age comes from self worth of achievements (whatever they are) over youth beauty. Just build something you love, that’s all

(having a massive hippie day as you can see..)

Pi closed for maintenace
Pi closed for maintenace

you have no idea how awesome Scorpios are when they unleash their inner hippie.

I just don’t know anyone who I can have these specific kinds of conversations with IRL, other than people in this MM community. I just get a “you’re an idiot why are you worrying” look (aquarian relatives), or ‘there there’ from people who are not wrestling with 5th house mania.

omg!! 5th House Wrestle Mania!!
Like Celebrity Death Match, except it’s planets and sun signs fighting it out.

bearhugs for you Ms.

Ms.
Ms.

lol, oh no. I know babe. Scorps just wanna have fun can be the hard part in a social network ๐Ÿ˜‰ IRL no one will believe I need help, ever. Which is fucking annoying. I need advice? magic cloud of dust or terrible stream of consciousness garb about them posing as ‘me’. I’m not sure I actually exist infact, I’m better off asking an internet generated advice dispenser like the oracle. So I learned to trust myself. Which is what you should do right now. Don’t over explain it. Such a waste of comms. If your problem can’t be explained… Read more »

pi (maintenance mode)
pi (maintenance mode)

ok yes to everything. But, just so you know I am a saturn in Leo lassie. A smidge earlier than you. But never fear. Whatever virgo may be absent in my chart, capricorn moon steps in to do a fine replacement as inner critic ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

Ms.
Ms.

lol sorry Pi. well good to turn stress into support via saturn anyways. you’ll love jupiter leo then ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

pi (maintenance mode)
pi (maintenance mode)

yes.. we’ll see !

pi (maintenance mode)
pi (maintenance mode)

This is the thing with scorpios. They are so fuqing tough, and I don’t mean this sarcastically, that when they need help, I have learnt I need to register this to go into ‘help friend mode’ rather than the usual carefully-non-invasive line of convo that i might run with a scorp.

Yes. ok. steely self-trust. phew. can I do that? yes. less looking at the map, more driving with one arm resting out the window. eep

Ms.
Ms.

and thank you. big changes are happening to us all right now. saturn goggles to train saturn vision

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

Born under Saturn rx 5th house Kataka. Yes to building from the ground up– once the foundation is layed block by block in the ground, that is! Heavy lifting: use your legs, not your back ๐Ÿ˜‰

pi (maintenance mode)
pi (maintenance mode)

block by block is right! I think I should set a schedule, only check in with Saturn progress when I come up for air every 6 months. In between times, head down working and no stress puppy antics. Next check-in: Early Dec 2014

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

Yes ๐Ÿ™‚

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

You rock, Pi!

electric eel libran
electric eel libran

if it makes you feel better, when saturn last went through my 5th house, i was still getting laid…still many dating opps. But things were complicated…so therefore many dating OOPs! :3. Saturn didn’t throttle any opportunities per se. I was almost wishing for less but better quality opps.

The Leo Socialite
The Leo Socialite

Actually i think the point with Saturn Dating Goggles is that they make you NOT date as such. I have not felt “carefree” about my dating like since Saturn over my Libra Ascendent. But are the relationships in my life much more quality? Hell yes.

Pi i have been there too but there is a sandy hot beach just around the corner.

Pi
Pi

oops, reply to you is up above.. to myself as always!

electric eel libran
electric eel libran

you mean there is more of this schizz? ugh. It’s been non-stop depressing since saturn ran over my venus, then proceeded to pound my libra stellium, then to irritate my moon. you mean in the near future, i get to look forward to it assaulting my asc? *great* i am surrounded by retards who are all like, just have fun with it. Dating is supposed to be a fun casual thing, wheee! You are so lucky not to have any responsibilities like kids or a husband. yeah lady. so fun. I eat dinner on friday and sat nights and most… Read more »

flowerchild
flowerchild

I have repeatedly experienced the same thing, and not just from married friends, but just about everyone! It’s so infuriating! If I hear ‘just have fun with it’ one more time I’m gonna punch someone in the face! These people would not take their own advice if they were in that situation, either. That’s part of what infuriates me. I am having Saturn transit my 5th right now as well. Ironically, I’ve had more ‘action’ this year than in the past five years. It’s been really intense, though, and instructive. I think maybe I’m having these experiences so I can… Read more »

anonymous
anonymous

dating might be “fun” if you’re in your 20’s, 30’s even but it’s just NOT as you get older because you get wiser and there’s more at stake.

And love is not “frivolous”.

Good to have a break from it all flowerchild.

electric eel libran
electric eel libran

i think some of the “fun” of dating in your 20’s and early 30’s is from the novelty and personal ignorance. The first time you have “real sex” with someone and you realized how you both have caused almost irreversible energy pattern changes in each other is the moment you realize you are handling the equivalent of nuclear power that came with no instruction manual. That in the wrong hands becomes a bomb. still the ignorant ones running around smashing genitals together like it means something. Every once in awhile i see ignorant on in denial ones that are my… Read more »

flowerchild
flowerchild

I never found dating to be ‘fun’ in my 20s or 30s, either. I’ve always been a bit serious about it, Venus in Capricorn and all that…. I feel about the same now about it internally as I did then, it’s just that the external dating atmosphere is different now. I actually feel like there is LESS at stake than there was then, because when younger there was still the question about marriage and kids and now that’s off the table. I don’t want kids and I don’t care about marriage. I do want to find someone to love, though,… Read more »

electric eel libran
electric eel libran

ikr! they don’t know how aged the strategy of “just have fun” is. Fun started going out of style in the 80’s with AIDS and gasping its last breath in the 90’s with “safer sex”, condoms as banana covers and eyewear fashion. Nowadays you have all these jaded pre-teens bragging they give their boyfriends anal and oral to keep their “virginity”. On the inside, they are already jaded hags because the culture of porn is so prevalent that if you’ve not had a 3 way gangbang by the time you are 16 you are just behind the times prude. um.no… Read more »

gemyogi
gemyogi

HELLOOO, just because ppl are married, it doesn’t mean they are happy, despite FB lies… and their bragging…

soz, just keeping it real!

electric eel libran
electric eel libran

so true. that’s why i stay away from Fakebook, It’s a major source if depression for many people because people only brag about their lives on there, you know never complain, never explain sort of crap. other people look around and only see how wonderful other people’s lives must be and are very hard on themselves. I don’t have a personal Facebook because i don’t want to see how “wonderful” the lives of my enemies seem to look online. I don’t even peek. i also feel disheartened because people i was really close to before they got married and even… Read more »

Pi
Pi

The only thing that’s been fuqing me lately has been Saturn. I feel old, tired and irrelevant, as though the best I can hope for is a prize for runner-up for Best Sandcastle in the over-35s category, held on a gravel beach.

leogroover
leogroover

fuqn hilar Pi . Sorry shouldn’t laugh so loud. You didn’t hear that right? i’m on the FNC so we’re cool ok?

Pi closed for maintenace
Pi closed for maintenace

we’re cool LG ๐Ÿ™‚

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

Old? Old? Bwa ha ha! Wait until you at least turn 40 Pi dear xxx

Scorpbot
Scorpbot

Or 50… this year for me ๐Ÿ™‚

Pi closed for maintenace
Pi closed for maintenace

no way scorpbot.

Scorpbot
Scorpbot

Capricorn rising ๐Ÿ˜‰

Pi
Pi

I know I know. I should get over it. I have been trying to repeat on my own what Jupiter was doing for me when he transited over my sun and MC, which was permanently ON Bliss: nothing was bad, everything was wonderful, and if you weren’t sure, you just had to make it so by wiping off the cruddy thoughts with a mental sponge. a DECISION to be happy. yes it is that easy. it’s THAT EASY!! aaagh just do it then Pi

Pi
Pi

I hope so TLS. Hot sandy beach is just the thing. ๐Ÿ™‚

Ms.
Ms.

Its that mark when you know you are making a distinct break from the 20s doll. It feels weird cause you’ve never been this old but it doesn’t mean you are old nor worthless sexually nor less valuable, only if you rate yourself like a magazine. Real men know what a real woman is. It’s not as common but who wants common anyway. Hugs chook. We still have value.

Pi
Pi

thanks Ms. yes.. I think it’s coming from my study as well. surrounded by Youth. (which is wonderful, everyone is divine and interesting, friendly, real humans.) i am acutely aware of their gilded youth status and ideas that are different from mine and oh so much other stuff, But I have less time than them, but hey more life experience/insight I guess, and I realised that my practice has been really slack (ideas: excellent. making: sub-par). Cue Saturn 5th house Get Real Pi Art Analysis. Honestly does saturn vacuum up your ego at the same time? Is that it? Self… Read more »

Pi
Pi

right, changing my name. Pi Closed for Maintenance until saturn gets into (lol) 6th house

gemyogi
gemyogi

PI YOU ARE AMAZING!

accept your awesome!

Srsly

XXXXXXX

Pi
Pi

thanks gemyogi, YOU are awesome.
there’s other family stuff hanging around, low income, and living circumstances that are weighing on me which is probably, if i think about it, the root of all this. aargh! xxxx thanks for your lovely gemyoginess xx

Pi
Pi

gawd that is EXACTLY what it is. sigh.

Pi closed for maintenace
Pi closed for maintenace

Sorry – Ms, your reply was really kind. I don’t think I made that clear.
As with you, Leo Socialite.
thank you ladies. Appreciate the boost. Very much X

electric eel libran
electric eel libran

join da club! but i do have to say after addressing some health concerns, some of the somatic changes I’ve been going through were caused by dietary sensitivities not addressed until now. Stuff i just accepted as “this must be old age”, shrugged it off as wow this sucks… is not old age just yet. Must have had low level allergies suck out my life blood for a couple of decades or more. After making some changes, lips no longer dry and peeling in desperate need of moisture all the time. I just thought that was caused by old age… Read more »

gemyogi
gemyogi

old age??? 40s are your prime, GF!!!

Just turned 50, I’m at the height of my powers… I will keep telling myself that… lol

Year of the Phoenix
Year of the Phoenix

Love you!

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

Xxxx

Anonymous
Anonymous

LOL pi “only thing fuqing me is Saturn”

Pi
Pi

a bit crude, but still..

iris aquacat
iris aquacat

oh the loly lols! :-)…bet that gravel-castle has a huge moat, no bridge and a pit of despair garden feature. August might be month for renovations?

Pi
Pi

pit of despair garden feature! oh yes ๐Ÿ˜€
renovations… august you think? why not.. sun will be in leo after all.

iris aquacat
iris aquacat

Mucho Amor Pi…yeah August- why not? Mystic Medusa please, please address this zap zone zippetty doohdah Saturnian relationship desiccation, We have suffered. We have let go. We have worked. We have de-cluttered. We have de-toxed. We have vanquished. We have survived. NEXT???!!!

Gemyogi
Gemyogi

Totes agree!

catfish moon
catfish moon

We are watching HER right now. Weird movie, but enjoying it.

S
S

Airbrushing only adds to unrealistic expectations. Nothing beats the tactile world of the here and now. Can see why she is over the online dating option.

The back ground reminds me of that cinematic classic Rear Window.

Veronica
Veronica

Vanadium’s laser goggles enabled her to not only screen potential mates, but also practice lucrative psychic -powered laser dentistry.
She zapped the Piscean’s infected back molars into nano particles, and mused about the next patient, a Virile Virgoan of fashion

Anonymous
Anonymous

saturn, always good to polish up the career / income stream… Why Not Dentistry ๐Ÿ˜‰
Pi x

toroqueen
toroqueen

Saturn has been fab for my career, and completely wiped out my dating scene. No goggles needed!

leogroover
leogroover

me too. Amazing how focussed i’ve been without stupid men and dating to get in the way.

iris aquacat
iris aquacat

Same! Saturn has desiccated my love life. Career is the involuntary arena for hard work and sacrifice ( I guess that’s better than hard work love scenarios…sort of, right?) When is this going to be over? I can’t remember seeing daylight or a hunky spunk since the new year!!!

toroqueen
toroqueen

So I have taurus sun and scorp ascendant. saturn sitting in the 7th house and opposing my sun … eek gads. I havent seen a hunky spunk for ages either. A small preview would be awesome. From what i have been told … maybe this summer, or next year. ๐Ÿ˜

electric eel libran
electric eel libran

Dear Vanadium: You may want to recalibrate your software so as to disregard selections that bat for the other team to increase your success.

Alouetta
Alouetta

haha!

12th house Virgo
12th house Virgo

Sign me up!

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