Toxic Relationship Or Energy Vampire?

She Is A Creature Of The Moon

A toxic relationship very quickly turns into an energy vampire. And the process is so insidious that you may not even notice it occurring. Those of you who are interested in Trad Chinese Medicine, Feng Shui and so on know that Qi is life force – most probably the mysterious Dark Matter/Dark Energy that scientists are trying to analyze. Other people can raise your Qi, drain your Qi or scatter your Qi. This is an entirely simplistic explanation but you get the point.

Obviously, in a good relationship, working relationship or friendship, each person elevates the other’s energy. Qi Vampire people are to be avoided at all costs. You grok what is going on and even if they’re really nice you are outta there. But what if you are in a toxic relationship that has so subtly poisoned your perceptions that you think it’s normal? Your so-called loyalty is more like Stockholm Syndrome.

In A Toxic Relationship, Your Loyalty Is More Like Stockholm Syndrome

Eternal Sunshine Spotless Mind Dining Dead

Scarily, each person on their own could be fine but something about your dynamic generates a negativity loop. (See Soulmating for good synastry, btw.)  If you can relate to any of these below, you may need to take drastic action to evacuate or morph the romance. If it is a toxic relationship, you either ditch or detox. There are no half measures.

You join, as Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004) depicted so brilliantly, The Dining Dead. I was a waitress once and Valentine’s Day was the most loathed shift of all because of them. Visualize Zombie couples, mute & sullen across the gypsophila. It’s even talking to them because the male will either be hostile or pervy. The occasional live-wire electric snark enlivens the otherwise necrophiliac proceedings. 

Nightmares that you are bed with the wrong person or a monster. When you awaken, it’s them, accusatory gaze, morning flatulence, and fuq knows what stupid observation ready to go. 

You finish one another’s sentences and not in a cute way. Person One: Darling, I think… Person Two: God, don’t start with that again.

If You Came Into Huge Money, Bouncing Your Partner Would Be Top Of Your To-Do List

If you mysteriously came into a vast sum of money, bouncing your partner would be the first thing on your To-Do list.

Your energy and spirits lift when you’re away from them but plunge when you are together, particularly during the now mandatory Quality Time.

You have cute nicknames for the places where you tend to argue (the pits of Ikea, your kitchen a.k.a. domestic gulag) but have also a Pavlov’s dog type reaction to various stimuli.  Only you don’t pant or drool – your jaw clamps in a peculiar pattern that later makes your chiropractor nod tactfully.

 You don’t have to be totally drunk to enjoy his/her company but it definitely helps.

Dean Martin drinking in car

Thoughts?

Top Image: Kaitlyn Reinhart – She Is A Creature Of The Moon
Middle Image: Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Bottom Image: Matt Helm

 

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Blue Moon

Fuq Mystic sometimes I feel like you are speaking directly to me (narcissistic egomaniac that I am!)
I think you are the funniest and most talented person on this planet .

Gemini Moon

This made me laugh, its true for most peep’s that I know, but hey they are in denial!

prowlncrab

You know one of the best things I ever learned was from my psychotherapist who said that when it comes to relationships with others, the best investment you can make is knowing yourself. The reason why people end up in these toxic wasteland relationships is because they run to a partner looking for solutions to their internal problems, only to find that this not only doesn’t work, but has a tendancy to make you more stuck and messed up than when you started. Get clear on who you are first, then let the law of attraction do the rest for… Read more »

Andromeda

I subscribe to this.

anon flux

that’s so true prowlers. I did a year of celibacy before i met the love. I was having saturn returns. Although I never aspired to the relationship I ended up with during that time, I had come to a point where I thought FUQ what is the deal with all these car crash scenarios. Looked within.

Pi

me too anon. as in, ok, STOP. how on earth am i ending up in these relationships, why am I choosing such people? cue The Excavator.

anon flux

I had a moment of “hang on… what’s the common denominator” oh yeah – me!

Pi

exactly…

Pi

also re your comment elsewhere of clearing decks. yes. for me it’s physically – think i’ve gone about as far as i can solo, psychologically speaking (or at least i am totally over thinking about Me any more). so yes, time for the outer work (again..).

Poppyspock

The friendship version, please? I tend to experience Qi draining friendships with women.

prowlncrab

That’s a whole other story related to your relationship with your mother!

poppyspock

Too true. Obvious now.

calypso

😯 oooooohhh!

yes, right 🙂

over that!

Electric Eel Libran

Of all my foibles, I’ve never experienced this in a relationship before. Interesting! I tend to break things off before anything like this even remotely starts.

prowlncrab

Same … nothing more lonely and depressing than toxic relationship rut hell. I always take space when things are looking like they are heading south to nowhere – and if after my space taking endeavours I discover that I don’t miss them and prefer being without them, then it’s pretty much out of the door for me.

Electric Eel Libran

oh goodie! I was beginning to think I really am the queer one to have never have experienced this before. Seriously if a relationship is that boring and put on, why keep pretending? I think I just have low tolerance of stupidity.

WOOHOO

Being single makes me a Qi Vampire. I mope about wanting cuddles. Am far more productive when I have a source of cuddles to come home too.

Electric Eel Libran

me too. I think it’s natural because you aren’t getting primal needs met, but sucks nonetheless.

Chrysalis

Y’know I think it’s a biochemical necessity. The other day I got a massage and the therapist spent ages on my hands. I realised it has been years and years since a man held my hand. Such a physical loneliness. I cried when I got home.
Some enterprising woman needs to start an agency where women can hire blokes for hand-holding and big hugs and compliments.

Electric Eel Libran

There are new companies springing up all the time that specialize in hugging. You pay them to hug you. They are popular in Japan and are starting to catch on in the U.S. In the U.S. there are also “free” hug parties where you go and snuggle up with strangers. It was too creepy and gross for me to do it.

calypso

I cried in a massage once – man did something to my back with his knuckle and it felt like a kiss

prowlncrab

One of the things I missed being single for four years was the lack of touching – both giving and receiving. I have just as much of a need to touch as be touched – and it’s not necessarily a sexual thing either. Even worse than having no one to touch is being with someone who’s not into it – ughhhh can’t stand cold fish.

Andromeda

Had sex with the last male masseuse I visited, we were doing therapy exchange (hypno for him) & added an extra therapy to the mix. 😯

I had the same reaction of sadness to being touched.
Actually think (assuming I could afford it) if I was single again I would get regular massage, it’s so very important.
8 hugs a day is recommended for health I read.

Lucy

One of the best, most succint posts on relationships ever !

DoubleGem

About that last photo. Ha! Just look at her lips, and eyebrows. His miserable squint.

Wow. What are we all thinking?!

anon flux

I’m thinking I’m enamored of the colour of her velvet collar. I dunno if I’d be waiting for the list to be complete before wondering what I was thinking!!! It’s so bleak.

DoubleGem

Right, that color. What an amazing jacket or dress. Wise on your part to get out when one or two deal-breakers are hit. I dunno’ though . . . morbidly, maybe people get a little hooked just seeing how far something can actually go before it breaks. Not a good use of a life granted, but, hey I did something equally as ridiculous, it just looked different. It all becomes so chaotic and if there is not something specific to look at, it can be hard to call it. About a losing restaurant partnership one friend said, “Well, when you’ve… Read more »

anon flux

I would totally do THAT! For some reason that seems more entertaining than watching love die. Money you can make again, but love is a big deal for me. And I have myself considered divorce but jesus the list was never that long!!! There was only ever one thing I had to bitch about. And it wasn’t even about US it was about stupid things that people get distracted by – mind numbing ‘career’ shit. It was the time apart that was the issue, not the time together… We realised we’re both driven people who like a few projects on… Read more »

calypso

LOL!

Emg

Having been through two divorces this list just sums the whole thing up. Time to go. But like Spotless Mind, there was also the time when it was good and I have to keep that alive. So leaving behind two marriages for me is now just a case of moving on, learned all I am going to and thanks for the good stuff. And thanks for the reminder of that movie, I am afraid to admit but Jim is just a huge turn on for me. I know I know, it takes all sorts. PS my Aqua is in touch… Read more »

saggibee

Yeah, I’ve always found Jim quite attractive too… Especially in more serious roles – he’s incredibly talented.

calypso

I get it

Emg

Talent oozes out of the guy. He’s not credited for being brilliant. Yet. I’m glad I’m not alone in really seeing him.

Chrysalis

Hahaha Mystic you just described my marriage 🙂
I love cooking with a man. (in the kitchen, not the recipe). Sharing a glass of wine, cooking together, talking about our days. In the marital home I used to call my kitchen The Kitchen of Loneliness.
Jupiter in Taurus…. cooking is one of my great pleasures. Not in a foodie kind of way… I’m all about old fashioned nanna food that takes three days to cook then sharing it with my loved ones.

DoubleGem

Yes, me too. Esp during a hectic week, Wednesday evening or so – when the mood strikes, but ‘hump day’ can feel very real – a good glass of wine, music you love to dance or sing to, and some good fresh organic groceries. Nice lighting, definitely a qi rising experience for me.
I’m descended from a large Western plains farm family on one side, and my sisters and I came to refer to time in the kitchen with assorted aunts and grandmothers as ‘chop and talk’ time. It’s good for my soul.

saggibee

‘Chop and talk time’ – I love this! I got a real sense of where you came from from your comment, DG. Really evocative! Sounds like there are some good memories in the kitchen 🙂

Chrysalis

Oh this sounds so incredibly nurturing. Years ago I read a book called ‘The Kitchen Congregation’ , a memoir-recipe book celebrating these kinds of ‘chop and talk’ times.

milleunanotte

In some homes it is not advisable to talk much when someone has a knife in their hand.

12th house virgo

So excited that the Pisces loves to cook! Perhaps his 2nd house Venus? Its in Aqua, but I think the Taurean aspect of it rules.

Emg

Last house I built and the three prior had the kitchen running into the sitting room so the whole family or just me and a beau hung out together. Great big fireplace with squidgy sofas and then wide open kitchen with range Cooker and huge island unit. It cannot be beaten as a house design, well for those with a cancer set up like I’ve got, it can’t.

Chrysalis

OMG he sounds perfect! A man who loves to cook. I need to fetch the smelling salts at the mere thought of that 😉

Electric Eel Libran

Oh gods! Do you know what I look at as “porn” on youtube? Sexy men cooking food. I esp like watching celeb types (esp if they are not pro chefs) cook stuff. Vintage cooking pr0n like Blixa Bargeld cooking risotto or Marc Almond making cookies. You can tell by the way a man handles a knife or kneads dough what he might be like in bed. giggle!snort!

calypso

you’re cracking me up EEL 🙂

Chrysalis

OMG that is brilliant. It would never have occurred to me that what I want is out there on the internet lol

saggibee

Spot on Chrys, cooking with my boyf is one of my favourite things to do. There’s something about being so simply domestic with someone else that is really satisfying and intimate. We are both Cancer Rising – home blisses are important. I love cooking good home food – Women’s Weekly cookbooks (esp the old ones) are like kitchen bibles for me!

Chrysalis

YES the old school Women’s Weekly cookbooks!!
My favourite curry recipe is from their Curry Cookbook. Deep 70s but everyone loves it.

S

My Mum won $10 from Women’s Weekly for her carrot cake recipe. One of those ones where it’s moist and buttery and no frosting.
Last time I cooked with a boy was in home economics class in high school.

12th house Virgo

– Pisces has the classic Betty Crocker cookbook. Swoon.

Anna

Go Mystchievous wit ! Crank that cauldron spoon and give the pot (?) a damn good stir.Watch as the heavy stuff swirls to the top.This prevents sticking and inevitable burnt bottoms. Beautiful way to coax out the magic mirror that shows it like it is.Mirror,mirror, who plays fairest ? And what was it I want ? Love teaches with pain and pleasure,pruning encourages juicy fruit .Is it love or fear that holds it all together ? How does it feel ? Lots of karma unfolding when eyes meet.All of us replaying stories from infinite lives woven now. We are not… Read more »

pi

This actually makes me a bit sad. Everything you described mystic sounds soul-destroying. It’s simply not necessary to remain in a situation this unhappy. And especially if one or both partners don’t want to come to the party to resolve it ..surely. Breakups exist for a reason.. I (everyone?) learnt this the hard way 🙂 It’s like we need to ask ourselves, what am I trying to prove by remaining in this situation? What is my highest goal for this / for us? Do we both want this?.. Such are some questions I might interrogate myself with in the dungeon… Read more »

pi

Nb . Easy for me to say when I am single and not fighting for a relationship that once meant / still means the world to me.

anon flux

i think people get distracted pi, forget what they loved about each other to start with. Sad list. You have to be really honest with each other about your needs, evolve at a similar pace and respect the love enough not to go down to the dungeons of ikea 😉

12th house virgo

Well, anyone who can tick off all on that list and who is still in the relationship knows a relationship becomes a lifestyle. It took years to get out of mine – we both had to agree to it too. A friend of mine asked me how I knew it was time to get a divorce (see list, lol). Later when he was complaining about his wife and the house I told him “you’re ready for divorce when you don’t give a sh*t about the house.” Free at last!!

anon flux

the oxymoron made me laugh LIFE style?

From an alternative perspective, I have observed many a house cause that list up there to become a reality. MORTgage.

anon flux

hehehe ASP IRE

calypso

haha, that’s funny! yes, the MORTgage got my ex! and then he got me….

anon flux

oh sorry in case that’s taken in a weird way, that was not a comment on your marriage or divorce or anything even vaguely personally oriented – it was your words that made me laugh.

12th house virgo

No weirdness taken. I agree there is no life to style is such a stagnant situation but many stay creatures of habit and justify that with kids or payments instead of recognizing laziness and fear, but – hey – no judgment! I served 11 years of marriage and spent the better part of 8 trying to get out! I think our friends got used to our fighting and we’re actually surprised we ever ended it, lol.

12th house virgo

OMG – so many typos and the moon is in Virgo, fuq!

Chrysalis

YES. This is exactly how it was for me!!

Chrysalis

My idea of a relationship is a bloke who can whisper poetry in my ear while we’re trawling Ikea.

Kakata/Aries68

Sounds like the last 5 years of my now defunct marriage. Why or why am I only able to see these things in hindsight?

Backing away slowly and nodding knowingly…

Twin-gemini

My last relationship was like this- Him (every night) :”darlink put your fit up and here is the drink for you…” Me:”why did your X left again?” Him:”oh – she accused me of making her an alcoholic, can you believe that?” Oh – really? That was the end of it. And ‘yes’ – a few of these on the list are from my life scenario. This is why I am single.

Verity

Oh no.

Jules

Oh no – I can tick every single item on this list bar one.

Taurus Vixen

And that is why I got a divorce!

12th house virgo

Me too!

Quadrupled

Yes, me too.

virgo kathleen

not a divorce, but I did break up with a qi vampire and have been happily single ever since.

margy cap

add me to that list…. best move getting divorced

Capfire

Ahh the ‘dining dead’ realization with now X-hubby (Sag) back in 2004 when Pluto raked my Sag venus.
I’ve never looked backed in all my detached progressed aquaness now…

Andy

If I had to be in a relationship like that, I’d rather shoot myself than drink myself to death. Too slow.

Leo-on-the-Rise

Err have you been to my house Mystic???? Like wearing the Cloak of Invisibility and hanging out in my kitchen???????

O god that’s my relationship……….

Spesh the part about ” you came into a lot of money I’d defo be outta there”

Will Mars sort that out come December 7th???

Mucho Lurve…….xxx

moved on

Hmmm. A few of those ring a bell of recognition. Then again any relationship tends to feel like that after a while. I dont think I should marry somehow. It always feels like a prison.

Pegasus

Errr about the above funny- functional relationships, may i suggest peeps read ‘BONK” by a sex & relationship researcher who had to pretend she was studying the mating habits of insects to do her studies and peeps thought she was a pervert because it’s not a subject you say you are gathering info on…lol. Well we are going to b doing lot’s of Libra……. at a time my petite biziness is starting to show fruition. ‘The gates are open’ as the I Ching says or the Planets in the Universe are spinning again in my world. Remembering the 60’s mantra… Read more »

S

God that’s my last relationship. I still find it difficult to understand how an adult can enjoy white chocolate. It’s kiddie food and not even chocolate.

Andy

I hear you S, it’s just pasty sugar, I mean where does it get off calling itself anything coco related?

S

I notice the Supermarket places then at the bottom of the shelves or to the far end. Out of your line of sight. Talk about riding the coat tails.
My next relationship must be based on similar food compatibilities. Non of this “I almost choked on a piece of pineapple as a child so I can’t eat it as an adult”. To which I replied “But your an adult now”. Gem Wus Gag Reflex said “But you can call my Mum and ask her”. He just about killed my Qi supply.

Andromeda

Ha! My Gem & I are from distant planets food wise. I don’t cook for him anymore, just the kids.
He eats out or he makes it himself. I eat when he cooks ‘cos I am easy. And he’s a great cook.. This situation is ideal for me, no pressure. 🙂

Scorpbot

That’s so cool Andy and refreshing to hear it’s not compulsory in a relationship, because I hate cooking and I really hate the whole cooking together thing. Just hate it!! It’s just not my thing. I’ve course I’m dating a Kataka with Toro rising 🙄 😕

calypso

ahahahahaaaaaaaah, too funny SB. I agree with Andy below – don’t cook if you don wanna 🙂

It’s nice to be cooked for though. Put that Kataka/Toro to work!

Andromeda

He is Aqua Rising – with all that Gem & Saggi Neptune he’s peaceful with independence.
It’s like I am so free in this relationship I never even went near the perimeters to check if they exist.

What I am trying to say is, don’t cook.
Just be yr gorgeous darling self Robots!
Surely that is sustenance enuf! 🙂

GFTpisces

Haha! But seriously, it is amazing how much you realize these kinds of little things really do matter in relationships, as you get older. My last relationship, the guy didn’t drink. And not because he was a recovering alcoholic (which might have been just as much of a problem, but I would have, you know, felt worse about it), but because he just didn’t want to. He wanted to smoke pot instead. And I’m not a giant boozehound, so I didn’t think it was a big deal at first. But then I realized “I don’t drink” meant “I don’t like… Read more »

Electric Eel Libran

I love white vegan chocolate but it’s so hard to find as they mostly contain milk.

Did you ever take the chocolate personality test? I took it a long time ago. Basically you can sort of tell your personality by what kind of chocolate you like.

If you like dark chocolate the most, you are a type A personality, driven, and professional.

If you like milk chocolate you are soft, mellow, and sentimental.

If you like white chocolate, you are zany and creative!

Andromeda

LMAO! *discretely puts line through zany & creative as personal qualities*

S

He was not zany or creative. Stagnant and his life resembled that of a stoner fratboy (only he didn’t smoke pot).
So glad not to be in that vortex.
I’ve been cleansing myself from that relationship sludge and I do feel ready to find someone spectacular and with more in our similar column.

Electric Eel Libran

prolly just a sugar whore. A lot of people who like the crappy common brands of white chocolates just like the sugar blast.

But i totally feel you on the joys of dating someone who eats similar to how you eat. The last guy was a Toro with the worst diet ever. He ate like a pre-schooler. Chicken nuggets, coke, pizza, cheese sticks, etc. and it pissed me off how skinny he was eating like this. But it eventually caught up to him in the form of getting sick frequently and kidney stones.

prowlncrab

Yes! Bonding over food is a big thing for me and Cap boyfriend (me crab, he obviously Cap with Toro asc).

He eats super healthily and is the only man I’ve ever met who gets excited by the idea of a salad. He even eats brown rice for fuq sakes. It would drive me nuts dating someone who just wants to eat crap all the time.

Pegasus

There is a Sicilian saying that sharing food is sharing emotions that’s why it was a huge insult to be shot whilst eating spaghetti.
If you are Sicilian never sit with your back to the restaurant door.

prowlncrab

haha!

Andromeda

🙂

S

Yeah I really like brown basmati rice, a nicer texture than brown rice. I cook it with a teaspoon of vegetable stock granules and it is delicious. Your Cap sounds great Prowlin.

Electric Eel Libran

That is some sexy shit right there! He might be a keeper!

calypso

lol 🙂

S

EEL I don’t think it’s actually cheese in those cheese stick things. Sounds to me like he’s ordering from the kids menu. I have a problem with people who think Coke and Pepsi are drinks. It’s just liquified sugar and it’s hardly thirst quenching. I grew up not being allowed fast food and soft drinks. Guess that’s why I still see these as treats not an actual food group.

Electric Eel Libran

yeah it’s some kind of oily substance with no nutrition!

I call coke and pepsi industrial vat cleaner because that’s exactly what phosphoric acid is. It can be used to help dispose of dead bodies and clean stainless steel very well. You can also use it to “cook” a raw egg. Nasty stuff!

S

I remember seeing one and two cent pieces placed in a jar of Coke and all the dirt and grime would come right off. Just imagine what that does to your insides.

Sadge

Uncannily spot on, except, except except!! name me one couple, one single couple who has not come nearer to “I just never ever ever want to see, hear or even smell you ever again, you’re nothing but a pit of s…t in my life, Im gone” in Ikea??
If they added alcohol to the Swedish cafes in Ikea they’d make an absolute mint from people celebrating their freedom and vowing to never darken the doors of Ikea again!

Andromeda

There are loads of couples I know who would never behave so unkindly to their partners or others & neither would I!! Anyway, there are worse things than Ikea. Though I do love Fight Club & the Ikea scene where he blows up his house.

Blue Moon

Me too (fight club)

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