Drop Dead Qi Vamps

Hi Mystic,

I was looking on the site for a quick “de-QiVamp” remedy – turns out after a potentially-close friend’s overshare that they are a major Qi Vamp.

Should I be burning sage, taking a bubble bath, chanting during a rainstorm – (ok, the bath thing worked for all but the mental sludge they just dumped on me). Anyway, looking for quick cleanse ideas!

Thanks,
Aqua Aspiring to Detach

Dear Aqua Aspiring To Detach,

Fret not, you have come to the right place.

Forget the bubble bath but if there is a rainstorm go out in it more or less naked and do some really profound Yoga poses. BUT what i think works is MUGWORT – aka Artemesia the herb of Artemis – and the considered to be the most powerful magic plant of all. Do not smoke it. Unless you want to be past-life alt-dimensional tripping for days. Burn it. It breaks ties.

Get a packet of Himalyan salt and fling it all around the house, bang some Tibetan bells around and then blast some loud music while you shower & salt scrub. THEN clean the schizz out of your house & burn some incense. Wash all your sheets & pillowcases etc. Dump quilts at the laundromat for them to do. Then bathe in some Epsom Salts.

THEN have a glass of biodynamic wine or sparkling water with grapefruit juice and write a Not To Be Sent note to the person vamping off your Qi. Burn it. Put a line of salt across your door. Add garlic if the Qi Vampire is actually evil or has entities in their energy field. Then go exercise, get a Thai foot massage and go to the movies. 

This should do it, right? What does everyone else think?