This pic looks like me adjusting the elefunks for the Feng Shui. I’m going to act like that is a fake fur, obviously.
Anyway, even though we do all have to deal with the Zap Zone & Saturn in Scorpio for quite a bit longer yet, it would be cool to look at our fave asteroids, yes?
And to do horoscopes for each sign as if all that mattered were the whacko asteroids acting out there. Like a mini holiday from the core astro action? Don’t worry – the actual Horoscopes make more sense. This is for fun. But it’s strange, even the more out there asteroids can resonate at times.
Your Asteroids Only Horoscopes for Mid-October – these are the asteroids in each sign at the mo…
ARIES: Victory Goddess Nike + Byzantine Hooker Turned Empress Theodora throng Aries, joining Wild God Pan, whom i HAVE – in fact, been already featuring in Aries horoscopes. Anyway – Aries you WIN via a massively long-term game plan, you (metaphorically) are now equipped with all the cunning and life force you require to rise from love to super-high. Combine natural instinct with hardcore training and vulpine cunning for best results. Don’t trust the court sychophants.
TAURUS: Anarchist Dance Sprite Tirza in Taurus = Versatility. Tirza was a stripper, plumber and early adopting technophile. Taurus Dancer Martha Graham had Jupiter, Pluto, Tirza and Neptune all rising. Add in asteroid Kleopatra for beauty aesthetics savvy, the love of learning and ability to juggle many lovers at once, elegantly. You don’t dwell in the past but you are an avid student of your own history – you ain’t doomed to repeat anything lol.
GEMINI: Asteroid Chaos – you’re acting suave and serene to the point that it’s coming off as smarmy BUT you’re secretly bored schizz-less and wondering if any current global meltdown scenario could be used as an excuse to travel inter-planet or something.
CANCER/KATAKA: Asteroids Magdalena and Ada Lovelace are in your sign. You are half yearning Goth, Gnostic disciple, still made about the Madonna-Whore Complex and half determined to use pure raw ingenuity to morph your life into an unbelievable statement of intricate freedom and cool.
LEO: With Lady Godiva & Apophis The Serpent of Chaos in Leo, you are incredibly bitched up and secretly fuming over old resentments (like, centuries old) AND plotting how to look good naked so as to make a Statement. ‘Is it too late?’ you wonder to yourself whilst plotting your latest revenge regeneration.
VIRGO: Asteroid Eros in Virgo is all about the ‘for fuqs sake relax and seduce-for-leisure’ already and someone ELSE is projecting ‘soulmate’ onto you. Hatshepsut – the first female Pharoah of Ancient Egypt also in Virgo says RULE, retain your power…all else is irrelevant now. Virgoans ain’t just conflicted about the laundry this month.
LIBRA: Asteroid Pocohontas, asteroid Gary and asteroid Prometheus – do NOT expect Librans to just rock up on demand wreathed in placating smiles and bearing gifts this season. NO way. They are over playing nice. There will be rebellion. There will be bum cracks. There will be no more acting nice just to keep the peace. If you are Libra, you are stealing your own fire back.
SCORPIO: Your realm of the Zodiac is the most over-populated of the Zodiac at the moment. It’s not just Saturn and Co. Think also asteroids Cat Goddess Bast, Pompeii, Karma, Transylvania, Thais and Lust. Be insanely nice to cats, if not actually worshipping. You think you dream of an ancient lost city but you are wandering it astrally, every night. Pattern recognition peaks and vampire concept feels more relevant than ever. Thais was the courtesan best friend of Alexander the Great. Lust is, well, your constant companion, albeit more like a shadow that vanishes with light.
SAGITTARIUS: It’s not like you’re drunk or horny all the time but asteroid Dionysus + Lion Goddess Sekhmet in Saggo give you a Pagan appetite. If you’re not marauding around in search of stimulus, you’re working the vibe of Our Lady Guenivere – the original White Witch and Queen of the Summerlands, lover to Lancelot, wife to King Arthur has there ever been a love triangle so bizarre, so fraught with exquisite mystery and freedom from conventional crap? Or is it that this current astro stirs memories of one from long before?
CAPRICORN: Asteroid Narcissus is SUCH a welcome distraction from the rigors of Pluto that you fall back in love with the disciplines & heightened aesthetics of grooming and yes, your SELF. You have a new appreciation for mirrors and what they can tell you. You reflect upon yourself. The myth was never so bad as it was made out to be later by Puritanical Christians.
AQUARIUS: The Muses Terspichore (Dancing) and Thalia (Comedy) join the Wisdom Goddess Minerva in Aquarius and you are more graceful, amusing and detached from grunt instincts than ever. Free from delusions, light and adept, you play everything just brilliantly. You become obsessed with recalibrating how you move, posture etc and not bothering to say anything not either wise or amusing.
PISCES: Asteroid Lucifer in Pisces has you in a devil of a temper with a LOT of ye olde rage coming up and practically every issue a potential Grudge Flashpoint but then you remember that Lucifer does not mean “bad” – it means “light bearer” and it is the Morning Star a.k.a Aphrodite. You suddenly get that the nub of your anger has to do with being unfairly demonized at some point and once you get that – voila the Angel Pisces. You do your darkness – you bring the Light.
Image: Marion Martin
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