50 Shades Of Astro Gaga

Filed in Astro Gaga

Charlie Hunnam Mens Fitness

Actor Charlie Hunnam – who is an Aries – has pulled out of the 50 Shades of Gray movie – because of, you know, “other commitments”  He was to have played the B.D.S.M. loving billionaire opposite Don Johnson & Melanie Griffith’s daughter Dakota. A one year Mega Mystic subscription (includes the Daily Mystic must-know info email, access to the Oracle + the Horoscopes) to the person who can most satisfactorily explain (a) why Charlie, as an Aries, felt he could not do this role and (b) who should actually do it? If anyone…? I mean, are billionaire investment bankers or whatever the Christian guy does, really suitable for even a pervy hero these Pluto in Capricorn days?

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144 thoughts on “50 Shades Of Astro Gaga

    • GOD this is hard to judge – I am giving the prize to Ms and Capfire for the revolting but visceral “polyester new romantic shirts” etc depiction of the ‘the scene.’ I think you are right – Charlie checked out a bdsm club and freaked. Plus Aries hate contrived crap. Fantasy-wise they’re more likely to prefer the simplistic ‘Gisele saw me doing chin-ups, took off all her clothes and gave herself to me with a smile.” Happy and simple is very Aries.

      Ms & Capfire – please email me to claim your prize – think you are already subscribed so will extend your sub, yes>

      David L – i am giving you the Binaural Beats for Aries “Could Have Been A Porn Star/Male Supermodel Cred’

  1. Heard this Charlie speak this afternoon. Does not have the balls nor the voice for it. bring on clive/michael et al.
    But seriously how boring would it be to be on set this for six months straight. The longest porn movie evah.

  2. I think he took the role initially because he wanted to show ‘it’ off…because he thought he would make a ‘big’ impact with his mates. But lost interest in the role cause he would be dom-ing a sub, and so there is nothing to conquer when she is already established as a sub.

    Definitely need a cappi in the role – I’m thinking a younger Val Kilmer- think ICeman

  3. As a youngster at uni I desparately needed money. A friend took me to a model agency and whammo, within a week I had 3 jobs and some serious cash. Within a month I was bored, hated the agency role calls. It all ended soon after when I turned up at a Pepsi shoot and they wanted me to wear 3/4 jeans no shirt and rainbow braces, while I frolicked in the sun…WTF… It immediately struck me that I would look like a dufus and my cred in the Maroubra surf scene would be shot.
    I refused to wear the get up and walked off the set and of course a big paycheck without a regret and totally wrote off the fame game. No way was I going to be defined like that.
    The Aries actor above just needed to browse the book to know that any cred he had with the crowd he hangs with would be lost and that it’s important for an Aries to be able to look in the mirror without regret.
    As far as actors for the role ? Maybe an aging puffy John Travolta alongside the botoxed Olivia. A musical to really make you hurt.

    • I just saw this. Hilarious. I also quit a job after I was like WTF to a cred loosing request. My Aries MC did not like that at all.

      I have a very funny story about ad-gone-wrong friend whom I went on a date with and everyone screamed the catchline at him wherever we went on said date. Was it worth it? no.

  4. Actually i have an idea. Why not give the book a comedy or any kind of makeover. I bet the movie would make excellent comedy!! Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep was sort of a snooze worthy book but it was tweaked in the movie to make Bladerunner interesting.

  5. Not that any serious actor would take this specific role, but in an ideal world and a quality version, this role would be played by Tom Hiddleston or Benedict Cumberbatch. I’d watch that!!

    Judging from the FB friends who are excited about the book/movie, the muggle wimmins want beefcake. Meh.

  6. Mystic made a great typo in her daily email. She wrote “zao zone” instead of “zap zone” One of the meanings of zao is “morning” and if you are not a morning person…..this whole crap zone feels like non-stop morning.

  7. The book was absolute shite. Straight to Lifetime movies or bargain DVD. I will be shocked i this turns out good, if it did it would need an excellent director and top-notch cast and new writers.
    I was given the book as a gag gift read several chapters was annoyed by the childish of it and threw it in the bin. 50 Shades of Shite.

  8. I hope the female lead pulls out of this too, she was really really funny and charming and likeable in ben and kate, she should be staring in some comedy or sitcom not this

  9. I called the prelude to my body building contest 50 shades of orange. The layers of perma tan required are beyond revolting.
    I’m thinking for it to be even VAGUELY plausable he’d have to be a complete unknown, Irish or Scottish, or even American male model turned actor.
    I find the idea of men being sexually dominant about as relevant anorexia. Less attractive tho AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING.
    Like guys have a problem asking for what they want in bed?
    Um ja ok…
    So riddle me this batman.. how come WOMEN are multi orgasmic yet per capita are more likely to fake them than men.
    Seriously, men leave important business meetings to wank in to loos ( don’t ask me how I know this please, just trust me, the classic CEO alpha jock type does this ALL THE TIME )
    How many women do you know who have more than 5 orgasms per day?
    50 shades of puke
    rant over…

    • The NDNA had said he needs to jack off everyday but only orgasms every so often…Guess he lets it build up, eh?

      And then Kataka condo mate had told me in the past that he had done rehab for coke and alcohol addictions…That squared away years ago, all his extra money is now on women…I didn’t ask if it were strippers or prostitutes..I really don’t care to know…

      Says he has been going to church on Sunday mornings however…

      So glad I am not a man…

    • Women may be multi-orgasmic, but many don’t have drive, knowledge (since female orgasm is more complicated), or interest in having 5 per day. Plus many men just aren’t interested in giving women orgasms despite what they might say out loud. They are only interested in giving women orgasms on their narrow and limited terms (example: when they are doing vaginal penetration). When you can’t or don’t come on their terms they get mad at you like you are broken. Then they wonder why you don’t want to keep having sex. well duh!!

        • It’s not submissive for a man to want to please his partner. Wanting to please someone sexually or not doesn’t mean being submissive at all. It means being polite and egalitarian but that’s the Libra in me talking. Both men (and women) need to realize that porn is a fantasy world that is not real. Real women do not just come because you stick it in for 5 seconds and wiggle around. Women need to not berate themselves just because they can’t get a V orgasm. The world would be a better place.

      • I feel kind of ripped off about it now, because I thought or was taught women were supposed to be sexually submissive. I think its kind of unnatural now. I mean, for role play – fine, but otherwise…its like were going for extinction of the species here, lol.

      • Erm ja. My sentiments exactly
        Why are we as women not saying. “Hey sweetie, that ain’t doing it for me?”
        If women were more complicit with each other instead of competing for the attention of men sexually we’d be taking a huge step forward politically. I believe that sex and £$€ are the final frontiers of feminism. But that’s just my opinion

        • I have. That’s why I’m alone. Apparently I’m supposed to stay quiet and pretend to like crappy non satisfactory sex.

          When you mean complicit is that a code for sharing? Because I’m not the sharing kind.

  10. I haven’t read the book, but isn’t the guy a young billionaire? I’d think Christian Bales too, but he’s too old. I don’t watch enough movies or tv to know a younger version of him. I can’t really imagine a 20-something being a good dom. It takes maturity. I imagine the young Aries actor was put off by kink and the mental provocation acting kinky demanded from him.

      • haha..Yeah, they picked him cuz he look like Pan

        If you scroll down, Pan is doing a goat. Charlie wasn’t against that so much as he don’t know how to play the flute and no time to learn..Plus he ain’t ambidexterous enough to play the flute

        Pan is associated with Capricorn so whoever does the movie should be a Cap..



  11. a) When he consulted his astrologer Charlie realised that Moon trine Pluto wasn’t enough for the role, despite his almost exact Pluto-Lilith conjunction, so he returned to his secret ambition of replacing Daniel Craig as 007.

    b) Ben Whishaw should do it. Sun conjunct Pluto, Lilith in Scorpio, Moon conjunct Neptune in Sagg.

  12. He didn’t want to be defined by his sexual past by taking on another sexy role, as a trailblazing Aries he felt the role wasn’t credible and wouldn’t advance his career. Aries need to be pioneers!

  13. He didn’t want to be defined by his sexual past and as a trailblazing Aries he felt the role wasn’t credible enough to suit him and wouldn’t advance his career.

  14. I like spice girl geri’s pick- the weird dude from the hangover.

    I think Aries boy quit cause he sobered up and realised he still wanted a career.

  15. A) He started to read the book, half way through the second page he closed it impatiently, decided it was indeed a load of crap and called in a hurry to his agent looking for a way to get the hell out of the damn thing, the two came up with the whole “conflicting schedules” bs and voilá

    B) Chris a.k.a Thor Hems wouldn’t fit, i.m.o. because he is so clearly a sunny fiery hot lion =P, when he smiles he lights up the screen, I don’t think he gives off the vibes of the peeps into the lifestyle

    Clive Owen and his piercing glaze would, or any of the scorps Ryans= Gosling/Reynolds…or even virgo Alexander Skarsgard..or Ian Somerhalder, he has the looks kind off

  16. I don’t know if an Aries man has the patience for the intricacies of BDSM, so it’s just as well. Maybe he took the role on impulse – especially with Uranus transiting his sign, it might have seemed like a good way to shake up his career. A chance to try something new…but Aries is rarely good with the follow-through, so I’m not surprised.

    I’d agree that this role needs more of a Capricorn vibe. In Zap Zone terms, Pluto in Cap is waaay more Christian Grey than Uranus in Aries.

    Obviously, Ryan Gosling would knock this out of the park. At the same time, I’ll continue to respect him so long as he doesn’t take this role. ;-D The problem is they want to find someone in their early 30s, so the usual suspects (MFassbender, etc.) won’t be contacted. I like the idea of Scott Eastwood, though… but isn’t he another Aries?

    • oh my GAWD Ryan Gosling WOULD knock this out of the park, and agreed that he absolutely should not do it, but I might be eversoslightly interested in it if he did

      *also I, like many others, have not read the books, just about them, and that was more than enough for me!

  17. Part a)
    Charlie studied the part, looked as his natal chart & decided his openly jaunty trine between showy Nn/Mars/Jup in Leo with Aries Sun & Saggi Neptune was incorrect for the role.
    Plus his mates had been teasing him mercilessly for a few months. The type of fan girls he was attracting were not the type he envisioned surrounding himself with at bars since the role came his way. He decided he couldn’t take more fame at ANY cost this lifetime.

  18. Actor Charlie Hunnam – Aries, He’d only smacked around occasionally with drunk women in the past and thought this was not a great insight into the world of kink, so he took himself to a lesser Bdsm playclub and was horrified to find a club full of mostly older men terribly dressed with much younger “bbw” submissives engaging in some very sleep enducing wax play on a bench. The mid 40s Masters traditional gear of a ruffled new romantic shirt with jean style leather pants heralding a series of implements clipped to his belt, was not the sort of thing he was expecting. He worked in a minor IT role and the younger women on the bench was looking for a daddy/daughter role riddled with self esteem issues but still insisted that the poly bisexual relationship was fine by her as her Master had several pets, all of the same age and they must refer to him as Master of the Universe.

    He quit

    • Spot on!
      …and you must be talking about my local scene :-))
      These poly daddies couldn’t get layed in vanalla world so talk that shit up to the desperate fat girls exploring their sexuality. It becomes sick when daddy sends his girl to look for other girls to join because he is to busy managing the household. Not to mention the poor 2nd more often then not is offered nothing in return except daddies dirty dick.

      I truly feel sorry for some of the less informed people who fall into kink because of 50 S and the Masters of Universe who prey on these types.
      A lot of fun to be had if you take your time with it and siff through rubbish.

      An Aries might be better suited for edge play (fire..etc)

      Replacement should be a Cap me thinks :-))

  19. I never read this book, but when I heard the synopsis of it, I thought of that movie from the 80’s called ‘9 1/2 Weeks’. Anyone remember that one? Bring back Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger to reprise their roles! Ha ha…..just kidding! 😉 Sorry…..I’m really of no help. I don’t know what (young) actors are hot these days, but yeah, this sort of character seems like he should be more a Scorpio type, than an Aries type. Seems like an Aries would lose interest or enthusiasm for that type of relationship, wouldn’t be able to keep up the intensity…
    Any hot young actors out there who are some combination of Scorpio/Gemini with a bit of Pisces in the chart somewhere? I think that would be the vibe..

  20. Gah, it makes me want to vomit that mainstream non-kinky peeps think this crock of shit masquerading as a novel is an accurate portrayal of a BDSM relationship.

  21. Scott Eastwood for the role.

    Christian Bale was asked but completely would not even consider it, because it is going to be shlock.

    Charlie turned it down because the ghost of Elizabeth Berkley appeared to him one night when was high and she is not even dead!!!!!!

  22. Ok well I got to about p13 of the book before I was bored with it, so I guess I’m as qualified as anyone to make a judgement! I don’t know this guy pictured but he seems too pretty for 50-SOG… too suntanned for starters. Tom Hardy would get my vote. He could just stare intently at the camera and we could make up our own words in our heads, to save him having to speak naff lines.

  23. I’m with the aries actor whatever his name is. Give the job to someone who can be arsed re-plaiting the frayed cat o’ nine tails every time, and cleaning shredded latex off the floor /wall. Planning, thinking and strategic delivery of pain and reward or whatever should be reserved for power-plays in the boardroom ($) not the bedroom, says this venus in Aries. You get richer that way. I know lots of you think otherwise but lol as soon as I think of bdsm my brain goes ‘eugh WAY too much hassle’

    • That was not remotely astro gaga. Let me try that now:
      Charlie, once he had read the script, finally realised what he was getting himself into. Even just playing at those kinds of antics brought on a strange combination of boredom and utter mystifying confusion at how he could work himself into the headspace of someone as warped and manipulative as christian grey. I mean, sure it’s an acting role, but ffs there are better ways to be sexy. Like be a semi-naked warrior.

      • LOL. Here I am, take it or leave it. Tres Aries!
        The only time anything EVER came close to happening with an Aries was with an ex work colleague (married btw) who sent a few flirty texts, wanted to catch up (actualy he used the word “hook up”) for drinks at lunch time. Told him I don’t drink during the day and would prefer later in the evening… and that was that. He said I was lame. 😯 LAME?!!!! Because I couldn’t fit into HIS schedule. Pffft.

  24. – 1 Shade (Because I’m Already Bored) of Premature Ejaculation (Not Just Behind Closed Doors Anymore).
    – The Art of Pulling Out Before Getting In Properly(and still finish!)
    – I’m Sexy Because I Can Finish First.
    – Honoring Other Commitments Before Finishing What I Agreed To Start With You
    – Your Satisfaction Is Never As Important As Mine.
    – ME First!

    All Starring An Abortive Arian Actor.

    Don’t think he had what it takes to bring the right ingredients to the story….

    Please just give the role to a Mars in Capricorn = Stamina to infinity. Knows their way around. Kinky cherry on top. You’ll get more than just 50 Shades and will beg for more.

    • Virgos are the closet kinksters
      Even the swtches
      Virgos have the Haute kit
      And it’s always cunningly disguised…..
      Trust me on this 🙂

      • Agreed BM! 🙂

        What about Chris Pine? He’s a Virgo with a twinkle in his eye…

        Honestly tho, I can’t see any half decent actor taking this on. The script is bound to be shite with such crap source material. How on earth will they come up with a plot?!

    • Funny I was going to suggest James Spader for the role, but he’s probably a bit old and not handsome enough.
      What about Jude Law, he can be v sleazy/creepy. But it strikes me as a B or C-list role, like a telemovie.

        • Love RDJ ! I’d watch that. Maybe it would be one of the worst unintentionally funny movies where you keep getting the giggles at the really extreme sex scenes!

          • Ja exactly.
            RDJ has the bad boy with the loveable frailty and dark, naughty humour to pull it off. Plus I’d believe him as an evil sadist rich toff. I think it’s a kind of Brekkie at Tifs or Pretty Woman role where its such a cliche that the only way to make it work is to cast AGAINST type. Plus my theory is that somehow EDJ is Tony Curtis’s illegitimate son. I know its a long shot and I’m probably wrong but there are scenes in Some like it Hot and The Wonder Boys were I feel like I’m watching the same person.

  25. He couldn’t do it because it would take too much time out of his day where he could be doing everything else at light speed. There were way too many others things that he needed to get done, and fast!

    Channing Tatum – p-lease!?

  26. a) he could do this role but it just wasn’t for him and he used it for PR for Sons of Anarchy (premiered it’s 6th season last month)….where he plays a total badass
    b) Christian Bale should play Christian Gray…Christian Bale has venus in capricorn trine pluto …i bet he could do that B.D.S.M. role really well…American Psycho plus Batman=Christian Gray

    • ooooh yeaaah Christian Bale 😛 or Fassbender would be great, but they’re serious actors and probably wouldn’t want to ruin their career getting involved with a movie based on a turd of book. Not that I’ve read it. 🙂

      • yeah Bale is a quality actor serious and delicious….i’m crossing my fingers he might want a little fun since he got the Oscar…the only role he hasn’t played (unless i’m not familir with the film) is one with lots of sex scenes :p

          • True nuff. Christian doesn’t have to do it as ‘American Psycho’ was his moment of lame-writ lit. I was given the book by a PHD literate who wanted to know what I (semi-literate poet, lol) thought. Skimmed and chucked it, thinking, “this ain’t no ‘Story of O’. It’s pretty much gonna suck. Hollywood producers have wet (male) panties and a puritan nation is not going to have any idea what they’re dealing with. Give it to Europe, perhaps they’ll make a fist (sic) of it but you can’t silk purse a horrible sow’s ear.

          • yeah but he plays a psycho….i’d love to see Christian Bale more sex scenes in a non psycho role.

            i have such a crush on him 🙂

  27. Sources close to the actor Charlie Hunnam say he was heard saying “I don’t want to be cast in a one hit wonder flick. Do I look like I need a breakout role?”
    His replacement is tipped to be a Hemsworth brother. Chris is the first choice but he is white hot right now and this might deter from the integrity of the project. The younger Hemsworth, Liam is a serious contender. It would explain why he has been so quiet since his split from Miley Cyrus.

    • GAWD, I never got Chris hemsworth but saw him in Rush and the dude is gorgeous. Too rugged though…but he does have the intensity!

  28. HENRY CAVILL, gorgeous taurus. I can see him oozing all that sexiness and conviction, just looking at him creates an orgasm. Maybe Charlie the Aries pulled out because it would get messy with his current relationship. He doesn’t want messy and probably couldn’t see himself doing “those things” with Dakota. He’s not vibing it. He’s hot, but Henry is hotter.

  29. Arien Charlie, whose wham, bam, thank you ma’am sexual style is cheery, upfront, and uncomplicated…realized he was getting into murky territories and a dark sexuality best left to a broody Scorpio or kinky Virgo actor, like Dylan McDermott. Or even a darker Aries actor like Michael Fassbander. In typical Aries fashion, after making a rash decision to take the role, he later realized he couldn’t really pull it off AND it would negatively affect peoples’ ability to see him as badass biker club leader Jax in “Sons of Anarchy.” There’s nothing worse than failing in the public eye or looking silly, and he couldn’t afford such a public hit to his Arien ego.

        • Yep, Fassbender has been my top pick from the start. He’s hot, with a ferocious edge. He looks like he can Fassbend any girl with or without props 🙂

          As for Charlie, who I’ll admit is tasty, he relinquished the role when he realised playing opposite Dakota would be akin to grinding up against an A4 sheet of blank copy paper.

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