Ten Astrological Varieties Of Infidelity

Filed in Astro Gaga

Infidelity abstract art

In ancient astro, the planets lent their names to personality types. Mercurial – for Mercury. Jovial – for Jupiter a.k.a Jove. Loonie for Lunar or the Moon. Martial or Warlike, for Mars. Saturnine for Saturn. A “sunny” persona speaks for itself.

To those i would add Plutonic, Uranian, Neptunian & Venusian as strong types.  AND i am taking this further and denoting ten different planetary – or astrological – styles of infidelity.

What do you think?

* Pluto-Style Infidelity:  The Reset affair. It’s bigger than the both of you, compulsive, and karmic feeling. You don’t give a fuq. You work out. You do brain alchemy. You morph. The complications are, like, irrelevant compared to the volcanic Pluto vibe. It makes you feel ALIVE.  Practically everyone else just thinks you’ve finally flipped. 

* Moon Infidelity:  “Just hold me.”  “I’ve never felt understood like this before.” You get the validation you need and/or someone to murmur sympathetic platitudes as you bitch about your partner non-stop. You’ll pay maybe any price at all just to keep the emotional feeding mainlining.

* Jupiter Infidelity: You’re not hitch-hiking any more, you’re riding –  you’re in the driver’s seat, you’re in control, you can afford an upgrade, right…RIGHT? Nobody is going to kill the buzz on this joy ride and it’s not like you have the time for a small life anyway. Someone else can do the wifework or the tedious Boyfriend Experience duties. You’re going to lunch. With an ocean view. And then on a helicopter. Fuq yeah.

* Mercury Infidelity:  It’s not really infidelity as such because it’s only phone sex. Sort of. And some texting that could maybe be emotional infidelity. BUT you were in a transit lounge,  not really even in a country at all, not according to international law. If a betrayal is only hinted at, as in a cryptic allusion to something that could technically undermine your partner, is that infidelity? Or espionage?

* Neptune Infidelity: My god, nothing happened! Or did it? You were high. It was a cult. They framed you. It was the peyote in the Blue Devil Hoochie Juice. It’s not like anything ever happens in real life but is it infidelity if you think about them for up to ten hours a day? Or during sex? You need an Imaginary Lover to get through the day. It’s not like you’re a zombie or addicted or anything.

* Saturn Infidelity: You sleep with your accountant to get a better outcome. It’s motivational. Part of doing good business. Plus they’re hot. It’s not like you’re not enjoying it. The accountant expenses the lunch beforehand and you enter the kilojoules burned in your fitness tracker.  All profit – no loss. You calculated it. The “plausible deniability” factor is also high.

* Sun Infidelity: You fall back in love with yourself. You’re all about rediscovering the music YOU like, dressing how YOU want, reading in bed when YOU want and actualizing your SELF. Not someone else’s set of ever more rigid and pompous neurosis. You cheat on them with long dates with your self doing YOU.

* Venus Infidelity: Oh come ON, it would be criminal to deny yourself or the other person the pleasure of your beauty, tinkly laugh and luxuriant company. Besides, you know that lovers always operate best in a sort of free market of love environment. Competition hones the instincts. It’s not personal. It’s not vindictive. You just have a short attention span, like the honey-bee who goes from flower to flower. Who would dare say that one is more attractive than another? You read a lot of Rumi. Buying new underwear makes you in the mood for a fling.

* Mars Infidelity: You take some beta-blockers and go seduce your soon to be exes business partner/brother/wife/whatever and make sure it’s not exactly a secret. You’re not naive. Not any more. You find that the surprising thing about a revenge root is how serene you are afterwards. Better than a year of therapy or all those meditation classes you shelled out for. 

* Uranus Infidelity: For fuq’s sake, how can it be “cheating” when the whole system is gamed against you and the most insane, anti-human expectations are enshrined as some sort of moral superiority?! You’re not going to form part of a docile consumer voting unit and you’re not going to yoke something as complex and primordial as sexuality or even your BRAIN into a clapped out bourgeois GULAG. Screw that schizz.


Image: Miguel Co – Society 6

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83 thoughts on “Ten Astrological Varieties Of Infidelity

  1. Just commented on dating Your planets and then find this. Yes it’s all there with the affairs too. Pluto oh god the pluto infidelity. My astrologer at the time warned me… “you’ll never be the same again”. He was right !

  2. The Saturn thing about that sleeping with an accountant to gain a profit was hilarious (coming from someone with a heavy Saturnian aspects plus a 7th house Saturn). I think I must try it *SARCASTIC WINK*

  3. Guilty of Pluto & Mercury infidelity. The Mercury affair was with a Gemini that lived in a different state, so it was mostly a phone relationship. Although we only had sex twice and it was while I was single, I was more emotionally attached and dependent on him than the people I was dating at the time. He just got me and was in my head all the time.

    The Pluto affair was an on and off thing that’s been going on for years and has resulted in what I consider a very Pluto Relationship. We have significant synastry aspects regarding Pluto, and multiple planets including the Sun in the 11th House of our composite chart.

  4. haha! love these! all spot on, but am totes feeling the Sun right now (as the Sun-ruled, Sun in the 7th house lady I am!)

  5. Genius!

    Know a Katakan that left his Aqua Gem Moon wife as she was too cold/brittle. He cheated in the most Lunar way, such an emo slut!

    Cant be Venus. I don’t do lingerie, I find it so dull tbh, nekkid be the go! NN in Saggi 7th peeking thru?

    Mercury.. Ah with SN in Gem I like action men, words are sexy but ultimately untrustworthy.

    I relate more to Pluto Neptune..! Hmm. That can’t be good.

  6. Saturn and Neptune combined…As natal venus in in capricorn in 5th, so there really must be a return on the investment, but the neptune preceded saturn, as it assisted with creating the mystifying allure and perplexing visions or desires?…

  7. guilty of mars-felt fine at the time I was single and the ‘other’ woman.he was the ex i wanted back. thankfully he called it off.
    More inclined to uranus infedelity that is strong in me natally. i’m 4 degress Leo in uranus looked it up and found this:

    ‘ A snake wrapped around the bottom of a tree is ready to attack, while another snake crawls in the grass’

    oh dear i’m a gonner

  8. Have done the Uranian- style a few times. All were wrong in retrospect and negatively impacted on others. I wouldn’t do that any more.

  9. it’s pretty much been sun infidelity since uranus crossed my sun a couple of years ago. Then again, since I have no one to be faithful to other than myself, I call it sun *fidelity* …. ha. see what I did there? 😉

  10. Cut and paste for quick access: natal and transit charts. Always have on hand for Integrity Meter, character markers.

    Problem with Neptune Affairs is convincing the Neptunian “It ain’t gonna happen.” File (along with Pluto Affairs) under “Friends convinced you’ve finally lost it” and “Friends considering an intervention.”

  11. You know Mystic, what I love the MOST about this post is that it effectively also describes how we cheat on ourselves when we become a Love-Zombie.

  12. Plutonic-Uranian – no surprise with Sun in Scorp & a natal Uranus-Venus conjunction in the 5th. Chart ruler Venus – lingerie shopping is a sure sign….

  13. Oh Pegasus! if you find any or all of those luscious items you just mentioned could you please, pretty please, post a link?? thanks 🙂 and btw I am doing the Pluto-style bigtime & loving everything about it! Most awesome relationship of my life!

    • KittyCat, after looking through most of them was very disappointed. A site has some originals from late 19th century/early 1900’s that cost a fortune and unwearable.
      Some vintage Dior, like 3-4 pieces on Etsy. A few tap knickers is ALL!
      There is a GAP for this type of lingerie…..some-one should get this going, there would be a huge market.
      A company called ‘Lotus’ used to make it in the 80’s but can’t find them, just a telephone number in NSW only.
      Another brand from 80’s called ‘Loo Taylor’ also unavailable.

  14. Questions. Can you have some of these when partnered but now aren’t? That’s why one became single. Or can they still be on going way after the transit? You know that’s still the state of play now? I’m looking back over post Neptune in Aqua here. Which started when still partnered. Even the single me & him but it still rings true?

  15. About to search for lingerie from the 20’s & 30’s, you know the silky shorts with petite side covered buttons. OMG covered buttons! And silk camisoles, loose all-in-ones with gathered waist ribbons. This must mean my libido’s stirring. Stay up stocking sans the lace tops in silk jersey. Apricot, pale mint, ivory, or baby bottom pink.
    This must be from watching hours of Boardwalk Empire, hey whatever works i say. The Golden Venus must be on the line 🙂

  16. Cough. I’ve done the Pluto thing and it changed me forever. I’m sure he was my soul mate. And, cough, cough – just might be doing Neptune a bit right now. This is so spot on!

  17. neptune infidelity : it proved to be a constant mental picture that showed the way to get to the desired one. The meeting proved to be ecstatic, delirious , romantic,and then physically impossible . The neptune illusion still exists in one half of the ‘affair’.
    Fortunately people with a very strong venus don’t know how to say NO.

  18. Have to say, this irks my Venus in Capricorn (which is square Pluto). I am very anti-infidelity. But that’s me and to each their own.

  19. Hah! Wow, the one big love affair of my life was totally Plutonic & Jupiter! It even occurred on a pacific island where I did actually find myself in a chopper! Lives were changed in Plutonic fashion and we are still very happily together (and married!) 7 years later.

  20. I love the planetary infidelity typology! But ‘infidelity’, as a term can be tricky… I recommend reading ‘The Ethical Slut’ – all notions of fidelity, loyalty and commitment turned upside down. The summary? Phuck the bourgeois shackles, transcend cultural conditioning, find your bliss, enjoy your body (and others’ …) and do it with honesty, respect, awareness and love. — Would that be classified as Uranian? Probly… This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius.

  21. Mystic you are like those people in inception! You go into the subconscious and find stuff out! no wonder i could not sleep, you were in my head.

  22. totally doing Sun right now, this week. 🙂 Feeling a bit Uranus around the edges, though. not just on fidelity but everything.

  23. Forgot something important, I also have Uranus rising. Venus-Uranus conjunction (within one degree). The Uranus description also suits me. Goodness, I’m a bit of a mess…

  24. Brilliant. Truly brilliant! I am in love with this. I am going to have a torrid affair with it, in fact, in Venusian style. Sidenote/question: I related to a number of these because I’m a little kooky, but Venus certainly seemed to hit the mark. I also happen to have Venus rising (in Scorpio). Do you think that would generally be true? That if we have a particular planet rising that would be our conquest style? Curious.

    • So was it YOU that started this sexting biz. Off with your horns Hathor!
      Cheap Thrills, only the telecoms profit.
      Guess you don’t have to worry about who gets the breakfast in the morning and no-one knows if you smoke after.

    • Recent text: You might want to check your daughters phone before she sells it in the future, or at the very least she should delete her photos !
      Nextext : Sorry wrong number !

      oopsies !
      Whaddun me Whaddun me – I have a cat, not a kid.
      ahhhh brings back the days of polaroids 😀

      • i recently bought a phone off ebay and a very private photo of a very private part and message was left on it. I was gob smacked that girls are sending these photos out via facebook.
        Oh for the days of the mags ‘screw’ and playboy ‘I’d find in my brothers rooms.

        • ah so what….they’re just vaginas, right? and we’ve all got one. Could we frame it differently? Maybe it’s good if the secretive/shameful paradigm is superceded by a new one in which the girls get to do what they like with their vaginas – and representations of them – without inciting horror or moral panic. (not suggesting you in particular of moral panic LG, but you know, speaking more generally)

  25. Jupterian for sure. FUN i need fun for my nature to be fulfilled.
    Yet was told by an Astrologer 30 years ago, that i was Mercurial, well that was then wasn’t it before i learned the inscrutable Poker Face that gives nothing away. Used to call that ‘dead’.

  26. Damn it you’ve done it again MM.
    Saturn Infidelity = how I got my driver’s licence.
    For shame I can tick most of these off, I feel Astro dirty.

    • If i could find the Jovial part of me, i would clean you up 🙂
      Pop you in a bubbly spa bath (note to self: find fuqing find a spa asap-it’s my cure-ALL).

      • I drive by a bathroom store and they have a claw foot number out on the road. I am so hard up for a soak, I am willing to buy my own water to toss in that baby.

        • Water balances the emotions like nothing else specially if there is no water in the birth chart.
          If you ever find a Watsu practitioner, try it. If i had a spa or even room for a spa room, that’s what i would take up. It is one of the most endorphin producing experiences ever & ever. Water Cures ar actually quite Germanic, Kniepp therapy par example.
          Unfortunatley not many therapists do it.
          Perhaps i shall just take my water wings into the gym pool.
          Must count my blessings or take some Ginko for memory as there is both a pool & a spa less than 500meters from me. Duh 🙂
          The Tao says ‘water reached the highest & lowest of places’. What a leveller it is.

          • I couldn’t agree more with you Pegs.
            One of the best therapy sessions I had was in a spa with an electric current. It felt like an aquatic Tens machine.

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