Running From Crazy

Hemminway Documentary

Interview Magazine has this rad interview with Mariel Hemingway re a new doco she’s involved in. You don’t need to be Hemingway (or Kennedy) to grok the concept of running away from family dysfunction, right? It also fascinates me that she is doing this just as Saturn is on her Scorpio Ascendant.  What better time to grapple with a genius but tainted patriarchal/family legacy?!  Mother of Dree Hemingway, she is the grand-daughter of Ernest Hemingway & sister to glittery beautiful poor doomed Aqua Margeaux Hemingway.

 

Running From Crazy shifts between present-day Idaho, unseen footage that Margaux shot for a documentary on her grandfather, and interviews with Hemingway’s daughters. But it always hinges on the lessons it’s taken Hemingway a lifetime to learn: stop running. There is a way to be in your family and be your own person at the same time and a way to step off the path that leads to suicide—so long as you’re willing to enter all the rooms.

 

SLOANE CROSLEY: Hi, it’s so nice to talk to you. Thank you for doing this.

MARIEL HEMINGWAY: Of course. How are you?

CROSLEY: I’m good, aside from the fact that I just finished watching a documentary about depression in a house in the woods in upstate New York, in the dark.

HEMINGWAY: [laughs] Oh my god!

CROSLEY: No, it was incredibly touching. I welled up at least twice: once, when you go with your daughter Langley to speak at a suicide prevention walk, and also when you’re talking about your sister, Margaux, which I’ll get to later. When did you have the idea to make the film and how long did it take?

HEMINGWAY: Well, first of all, it really wasn’t my idea. My really good friend was working at OWN at the time. She was like, “We got to tell your story.” Because we’ve been through a lot of, like, “woo-woo” shit together trying of find ourselves. [laughs]

CROSLEY: Wait, what is “woo-woo” shit? Are there retreats involved?

HEMINGWAY: Yeah. [laughs] You know, soul-searching, “I’ll figure this out. I’ll be better at life.” My whole thing was always about reaching outside myself to find what was right for me without realizing that the answers were inside. But it took me so long to get there. So anyway, my friend said, “You’ve got to make a film about your family,” and I said “Are you fucking out of your mind? They’re crazy!” And she’s like, “That’s the point.”

 

Margeaux Hemingway People magazine

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Mess.Xavier BeanbastblessedPi Recent comment authors
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Urghhh. Families are the root of all evil. It’s almost impossible to extricate your psychological make-up from the impressions taken in infancy, probably even prenatally. impressions that inform how you interact with others on a level that is way below conscious awareness. But you gotta try, or top yourself at the mind numbing cruelty of just how fucked up familiy ‘dynamics’ can be. They say it’s wrong to apportion blame to one ‘s parents, it ‘s probably wrong to blame anyone, but at what point in life do you get a real chance to be free of their influence over… Read more »

calypso
calypso

yes, i know this too, and it’s like a curse! but i think it can be lifted or let go 🙂

I think I’m in my shadowzone now. changed but still bearing the consequences of the shit I took on in an earlier phase.

Ms.
Ms.

God yes. I’m a scorpio with pluto in the 4th. I’ve been carving a space for myself for years that was not on abusive terms, which means I only have a relationship with one half of them and the other at great cost of energy. This has been one of my biggest lessons ever. Nothing will ever compare to how hard this has been. I have never known pain l like it.

calypso
calypso

me too Ms, with Uranus there for good measure :/

Pi
Pi

yep. reaching a point where i think my r’ship w one parent is about as good as it’s going to get. which isn’t bad, fortunately but how much WORK has this taken! not to mention the other chaos. we have pluto in same position of course

S
S

I’ve been running on the same suicide treadmill for 20 years. The point is to still be running, and sometimes running from is just as vital. Never have I encountered a glamour appeal with suicide. To resolve wounds and find joy in yourself is where my peace resides. And that is my lot in life, to be a citizen in that residence. Who’s to blame? Such a fascinating question and regular theme in life. Guess it doesnt matter whom you place that upon, it’s that you have the ability to decide. That is the hidden strength in that question. When… Read more »

Pi
Pi

xxxoo

Rodney J
Rodney J

we are always running from something, scared and wanting to blame our family for this or that. its only when we own up, and look at what and where we are, and who we would like to be. this is when the healing process begins. we can’t change our families, only how we deal with them.
spoken like a true frustrated family member.
ha
keep pushing up the hill
if only for the thrill of it

bastblessed
bastblessed

Have I ever been there! My family is so completely dysfunctional crazy might be a positive descriptor for them. And, more tragic, there is no “crazy gene” for them–no bipolar disorder or some such, but dysfunction that is brought on my early childhood trauma then that dysfunction passed/taught to the children of the family. I’ll share a brief example. My mother and her siblings are half Native American. My grandmother walked off the res in search of a better life. What she found is a man who forced her, and all but two of my mother’s brothers, into prostitution. Yes,… Read more »

Pi
Pi

what a huge story…humbling to read. I don’t really know what to say except thank you for sharing and we’re glad you are still here XX

Raché (Aqua/Tauri)
Raché (Aqua/Tauri)

Damn. You and your family give new meaning to the word “survivor”…I am happy you were able to untangle it all yourself and not struggling as much these days. I wish suicide weren’t such a taboo topic; I feel like if someone is brave enough to share their feelings/thoughts and legitimately ask yourself the “suicide is selfish” auto-response comes back and the person often feels worse about themselves and more hopeless. :/ Discussion and openness is important. Maybe Margaux feels that by putting it out there and being accountable and open she is helping to heal all this intergenerational pain… Read more »

bastblessed
bastblessed

First, thanks to you both for your kind comments. 🙂 Second, I agree that suicide shouldn’t be a taboo topic. Someone contemplating suicide already feels alone and isolated, the last thing that needs to be done to the that individual is increased isolation! The whole attitude of “suicide is selfish” really ticks me off. The attitude is/was created by people in mourning dealing with complex emotions and questions that will prolly never be fully answered. Their attitude only damages the chances of preventing another suicide. Hopefully this attitude will end with a better understanding of the psychology of suicide and… Read more »

Madness
Madness

Hey guys,

Any advice for dealing with mental family for someone who is in the middle of it? I feel like I’ve tried everything and currently OVERWHELMED with anger about it all, like, always. Clean living is my current strategy, but grateful for any other tips. Will defo be watching this movie!

bastblessed
bastblessed

Madness- There are usually some support groups for family members of people with mental/emotional problems. I also always recommend a good therapist partic licensed clinical social workers (LCSW). These are therapists who do not/cannot give you meds, but utilize different methods of talk therapy. For instance, mine used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which emphasizes creating new logical patterns of behavior to replace damage/dysfunctional thought/behavioral patterns. Last, find time for yourself. Volunteer, take a class, exercise, something/anything that is just for you. Since you’re giving so much of yourself to family you need that time to replenish your own energy/self. Good… Read more »

leogroover
leogroover

beautiful advice bb. I’m going for an interview at a family services centre today so your story is so enlightening for me. Thank you for sharing.

bastblessed
bastblessed

Good luck with the interview! Let us know how it goes.

Xavier Bean
Xavier Bean

Therapists are a waste of money. get a FREE friend that actually gives a shiat…

bastblessed
bastblessed

A good therapist is not a waste of money. Friends are a great sounding board, but friends are not trained to aid individuals to relearn dysfunctional patterns of behavior.

Xavier Bean
Xavier Bean

You don’t need training to care about someone but it’s been in my own personal experience that therapist don’t give a shit. They won’t go home and think about your problems later. You are their job and nothing else. How sincere could they possibly be? I stick by the good FREE friend being ten better than a therapist. Those without good friends have to pay someone to listen. It says more about the quality of your friends than anything else.

bastblessed
bastblessed

First, you don’t know my friends nor do you know me. There is no need to make personal attacks. The fact that you feel the need to insinuate that someone is “less” for whatever reason (such as disagreeing your opinion) shows the quality of your thinking, attitude, personal accountability, and maturity. I think you’re just trolling for drama. I will not be responding to anymore nonsense/personal attacks posted by you.

Xavier Bean
Xavier Bean

Yes, I know, the truth hurts. It wasn’t meant as a “personal attack.” That’s just how you took it. Like you said, I have no idea who you are and know nothing about you or your situation (nor do I care to). It was a detached observation about the concept of a therapist….which happens to be true. Sorry if it hurt your feelings.

Xavier Bean
Xavier Bean

Let me put it in a less personal way: Therapists generally are “quality” people we wish were our friends. We have to pay them to listen. If they really were our friends we wouldn’t have to pay….see where I’m coming from? It’s not a personal attack. Just an observation.

Ms.
Ms.

so full on. just to survive sometimes is a miracle in itself. xx

aqua leo scoprmn
aqua leo scoprmn

I feel so so feel you, I attempted once at 17 because the CPS juvianial system that did not protect me from a grouphome incident where they found a book I stole out of embarrassment about being gay in my room. 12 rotating boys in a grouphome and being gay drops your rating to 0. Needless to say this guy tried to stab me with a philips screwdriver. I even went to the police once a resident told me on freetime that they found a book. So I ran away from the group home after 4 days of them not… Read more »

Xavier Bean
Xavier Bean

Why commit suicide when it wasn’t your fault? There are kind people in this world…even if they hide away from the ruthless ones who operate out in the open. Find a new family 🙂

aqua leo scorpmn
aqua leo scorpmn

im still trying to get Mystic to adopt me…
Im trying.. .

freedom ala air
freedom ala air

I don’t know her story, but look forward to watching it…

Pi
Pi

In my recent experience this pretty much sums up my Very Long Saturn-4th house transit: *Wherever you go, there you are.*
And your family origins, pulling the levers until you wrest psychological control of it all. It’s entirely a personal perspective. What’s going on inside us (hearts and minds) might not at all reflect what’s going on outside, for better or worse. So it is very important not to keep blaming, but once we become conscious of all of this, to take responsibility for how we respond to life from now on.
says guru Pi. lol

Pi
Pi

ah that’s what I wanted to add. I knew if I hit ‘post’ it would come to me!

Even by running away you are still letting ‘them’ control you. hoochie juice, rebellious lifestyle, it’s all in reaction to something else. polarising yourself in relation to (say) family. So you’re still in that dynamic / duality concept against someone / something. nothing against running away, mind you. but just being clear what we are reacting against and knowing when *not* running is a more sustainable option. i guess?

Raché (Aqua/Tauri)
Raché (Aqua/Tauri)

Yeah! Awh man, you said it perfectly. I think running can be an important growth/lesson stage but that the really wise ones know how to jiu-jitsu with fate and free will.

Pi
Pi

“jiu-jitsu with fate and free will” that’s such a cool way to put it!! awesome.

and dammit if my gem asc isn’t now arguing the case of those who just really, really like partying or being on The Other Side Of The World.

‘the wisdom to know the difference’ … etc 😀

Ms.
Ms.

I actually found running to the other side of the world was a really good idea. It was not originally motivated by family but this time was more so. It completely depends on the relationship you have with them in the first place. Sadly, mine chose badly and I’m not into abusive relationships.

aqua leo scoprmn
aqua leo scoprmn

I tried to go to the other side of the world.

Moscow
Zurich twice
Amsterdam
Tried the southern Hemisphere
in Caracas.

But I have a 4th house moon. that that is sticking me to America like a piece of aspertame gum on hot pavement..

No matter how I try always return to the familiar nation.
I can see why this place needs me.. everyone here is so alike its scary.

Pluto in the 3rd aslo means a love hate relationship with your local environment. Extremely involved, extremely moved extremly irritated. But thats what the old guy likes so

Mess.
Mess.

Pi. The Other Side of The World. Come on in, the water’s warm… Somewhat on point, a “what about going to S for a year and using inflated incomes to leverage credit for buying B real estate” conversation came up 36 hours ago and no freaking out (re: returning to the scene of eastern standard time) was to be witnessed.

Xavier Bean
Xavier Bean

I think everyone processes their dirt differently. Blaming can be very cathartic, at first, because you separate yourself from the drama and identify which part is your fault and which isn’t (so it doesn’t happen again with someone else). Much of what I went through was NOT my fault (even though I admit a large part was due to my inability to process it). It took me a long time to realize that. Yes, I did some blaming but, let me tell ya, these people NEEDED to hear it. There was a point where I didn’t care how they took… Read more »

Anonymous
Anonymous

yeah i do agree. i mean the blaming part (stage?) is sort of necessary to attribute – where reasonable – the source of fucked-up-ness for us. we can’t always say, “well it’s not X’s fault I am such a fuqing mess” because sometimes it IS. And *then* we can unravel that connection, and then we need to begin letting go. but as a starting point for understanding our own lives (and that other person maybe) better, then yes. allocating the bullshit does help.

Pi
Pi

^ pi

Lucy
Lucy

🙂

Lucy
Lucy

Love that photograph, love that image. She’s so small against it but she won’t get out of the way. Onward, upward.

Raché (Aqua/Tauri)
Raché (Aqua/Tauri)

“There is a way to be in your family and be your own person at the same time and a way to step off the path that leads to suicide—so long as you’re willing to enter all the rooms.” Oh man..this has been my last three years, the Pluto years; having a seizure, jumping on a plane alone two classes before graduating, falling in love, living all over the world, making good money for the first time, losing it all, losing myself in drugs post-breakup, moving back with and fighting with family while trying to understand myself, choosing to live… Read more »

twinfishrising
twinfishrising

Wonderful!!!
So~scorped~in~the~positive…
Soul~mining…

Xavier Bean
Xavier Bean

Who says your family has to be the one you’re born in? 😉

electric eel libran
electric eel libran

so true! the family i choose is much better than the one i was born into.

Anonymous
Anonymous

Yeah, agree. Even as a youngster (but an old soul) was always asking myself what I did in a past life to deserve my family.
Lessons. I suppose.

12th house virgo
12th house virgo

Ha, ha! If crazy family is a requisite, I’ve got a great movie to pitch! /

Very Saturn-on-the-AC of her.

Mystic Medusa
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