I am an early 40’s something single woman, who is somewhat entertained but yet distraught over the dating scene at this age. I have been divorced for about 5 years, had a 2 year rebound relationship, rocked the hell out of being a love zombie ( younger men, men that aren’t available … you name it … I love zombied it).
Since Saturn arrived in my ascendant last October, I decided to get real with myself. Get sober. Meaning … I was going to focus on all things tres Saturn when it came to life and especially dating. So, I start dating casually here and there … when suddenly, my girlfriend decided to set me up with what seemed to be a lovely gent: 46 years old, single Dad, owned his own business, lived on the lake …. on paper: AMAZING!
I decided to snoop around and find out at least a birthdate or something. Even better! A Pisces with a Gem Moon. Ok … so, I haven’t experienced a ton of Gemini’s in a romantic way, but love the Pisces. I am a Taurus Sun/ Scorp rising/Sag moon … so I thought this might be a fabulous match! I was kinda excited.
My friend decided to have a group of people meet at a bar (including me and him), so it wouldn’t be awkward meeting him for the first time. Awkward? Oh boy … that word doesn’t do justice in describing my night with this man.
The evening came. My friend and I were perched at the bar … when in comes Pisces….He waltzed in like he owned the place, came up to the bar, and basically shoved his way in between my friend and I to introduce himself. Out came the hand for a violently excited hand shake. He sat down, immediately faced me and turned his back on our friend to go in for the kill. OMG Mystic – the man was like a dog in heat. It took all of 10 minutes before Pisces was all over me.
He was rubbing my back, looking me up and down and TOTALLY in my personal space (if I can see the pores on your skin, smell or feel your breath, please step away). Pisces made DAMN SURE I knew he was sexual, had money, and thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. He was even kind enough to ask me “what nationality are you?” But, before I could even murmur where I was from, he answered for me “well, whatever nationality it is, I LIKE IT! PANT PANT.” It was out of control!
Pisces talked. He talked A LOT. The talking, the blabbering on and on. I am pretty chatty for a Toro gal, but wowza. Honestly, I think he might have snorted coke or something before showing up, because he would not shut up. Blabbered away. Either that or I just haven’t experienced a Gem moon before. Could not get a word in edge wise.
My friend finally got it and peeled him off of me. 10 minutes later, Pisces disappeared into the night.
Needless to say, people that brag about their money and tell me how sexual they are within the first 30 minutes of meeting me are NOT my type. However, I do wonder ….Is THIS dating in your 40’s? The desperation? The vulgar transperency? The dog panting? Please say it isn’t so. He made being a love zombie look really good after that night …..
Enlighten me. Please!
Dear Toro Queen,
Wow. Okay. Well congrats on your Love Zombie recovery but you know what? There can be upsides to being a Love Zombie and one of them is not being pawed in bars. Because, you know, you’re at home fantasizing, e-stalking or doing self-improvement activities for The One.
And look, Pisceans are renowned for having more or less two speeds in dating: Aloof and not giving a fuq OR hyper-maniacal compulsive crushes. But this guy also sounds like he (a) Snorted some obscene blend of Space Dust/Viagra/Horny Goat Weed powder before he met you just in case he had to ‘perform’ or (b) Got totally hammered as he was so nervous/an alcoholic or (c) is desperate/insane/a male Love Zombie from another planet.
Even if he is not any of the above and was genuinely floored by your super powers of Awesome, you would expect him to play the situation a bit more suavely, right? But after this display of – um – enthusiasm, where did he then head off to? Was he mortified? Scuttling off to score more drugs? Going to get a lap dance? Frankly, i am mystified. I mean, even Piscean Love Zombies can keep it together long enough to act vaguely sane on a set-up date in a public place.
Remember: Dating in your 40s is basically Uranian Dating as it’s after your Uranus Opposition – and it’s not so much the Saturn dating you do earlier on, when you’re move looking for a father/mother of your possible children and/or responsible co-financial household partner person. Apres 40, you’re presumably individuated, able to function healthily as a solo unit and after more companionship, sex, intellectual rapport. So it’s wilder by definition.
But also, i think that kind of invasion of body space thing is terribly controlling in a fuqed up sort of a way – it’s like the person doing it can act all innocent like they’re just being “affectionate” or whatever but it’s really, really disrespectful. Or is that perception just because i’m an Aqua Rising Uranian cyborg? What does everyone else think?
Image: Corey Thompson