Astro Gaga Caption Competition

Filed in ASTRO GAGA

Gwyneth Paltrow at functionThis is the ultra-Libra Gwyneth Paltrow flanked by Ramzilla chicks Sarah Jessica Parker and Kate Hudson. Compose a suitable (or an unsuitable, lol) astrological caption for this pic to win one of three prizes:

*  An Astro-Query – your question about your chart, biz, romance or a timing issue, answered by me.
* A Year’s Subscription to Mega Mystic – access to the awesome Horoscopes, Oracle & Must-Know Daily Mystic email.
* One of the fab Olaf Hajek MM posters.

So there are three opportunities to win a prize via your pure raw wits & I will announce the winners in the comments at the Eclipse later this week.

What is going on between these two Arieans and one Libran?

Image: Via D-Listed

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Lucy
Lucy

Gwyneth: “Hey, how many actors does it take to change a lightbulb ?” Kate: “Actors can’t change lightbulbs.” Gywneth: “Only one, but a lot more to stand around and say, “I could have done that.'” Sarah Jessica: “I really miss the stage.” Kate: “Let’s go shopping tomorrow with my alimony ca-ching. Wait, do I still get alimony ?” Gwyneth: “All You Need Is Love.” Sarah Jessica: “I’m not feeling the girl balance like I felt on Sex and the City. What if it’s never that way again ?” Gwyneth: “Use nature as botox for tight faces and remember to self-bloom… Read more »

Kelly Hudson
Kelly Hudson

Gwyneth (smiling but silent) : Awwh. Aries.. so sweet, so damn self-righteous.. thank god I have an ear for each to blether into. I wonder how much longer I can keep smiling though.

Virgo Ellie
Virgo Ellie

Gwyneth featured in People mag!

Virgo Ellie
Virgo Ellie

That didn’t work either.. Sorry “peeps”.. the link doesn’t work! Gwyneth Paltrow named World’s Most Beautiful Woman by People.

Mystic knows her stuff!

Anonymous
Anonymous

wt?

Anonymous
Anonymous

The LINK.. did it work for ya?

Virgo Ellie
Virgo Ellie

LOL.. that was me! So did it??

Virgo Ellie
Virgo Ellie

That didn’t work.. LOL!!

,,20360857_20692638,00.html?xid=AOLwmbreveal

andromeda
andromeda

Gwyneth: “So I said to the reporter, “I mean like, we can’t all look like grumpy cat! I mean, don’t hate on me ’cause I am so fabulous.. hahaha!!!, “.
Kate (sotto voce): “OMG are you getting this Sarah?”
SJP: “Yeahh, I am sure NO one hates you for that Gwynny”.

Seagoat
Seagoat

GP. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry…I’m all churned up… It’s all-
KH. Pull your head in GP. Now.
SJP: LOL LOL these guys just crack me up every time!

hummingbird
hummingbird

Ahh they’re all so funny! Thanks for the laughs guys! 🙂

Anonymous
Anonymous

this post has gotten way too much feedback … people go read a book or something !!

Lucy
Lucy

Read tonnes of books, thanks !!!

pi
pi

if you think this post has way too much feedback, try the ones with 500 comments on them. also, freebies on offer, why not write something (except me who for the first time ever can’t think of something funny to say, even if it is about about three bland, i mean blond, hollywood movie stars)

calypso scorp
calypso scorp

KH: How’s your new venture going Gwyneth?
GP: It’s wonderful Kate, and it has sooo many unexpected advantages. What I love most about it is how I can combine my interests you know, and use it to help people i love. So now that the name is officially trademark registered to me, those nasty critics won’t be able to get away with calling you a goopball anymore! Every time they do they’ll have to pay ME! I OWN the word Goop!
SJP: Yes you do Gwyneth, yes you do….

calypso scorp
calypso scorp

Kate: Gwyneth, thank you for the lemon rind airtini ® Goop
Gwyneth: You’re welcome! I used the flesh to scour my teeth before I came. See 🙂 The lemons are organic. I had my pilot pick them up fresh from a little biodynamic farm in west Bengal this morning. I love being environmentally friendly 🙂
SJP: Don’t say that out loud Gwyneth!

calypso scorp
calypso scorp

Kate to Gwyn: Do you think SJP knows how many calories are in that glass of Moet?
Gwyn to Kate: I know, right? I find a little bit of lemon peel in a glass to be completely adequate *throws brilliant smile*
SJP through clenched teeth: I’m right here!

Pi
Pi

this is terrible. I got nuthin’.

Pi
Pi

i mean, terrible for me. not the suggested captions.

Taralynn
Taralynn

Thought bubble via libra Gweneth: Bliss- sittin pretty between two gorgeous ramazillas. “beautiful balance”

Aquadivinty
Aquadivinty

GP to KH: (hissing through gritted smile)

“SJ’s just popped one… No don’t look..I warned her about the asymmetrical look.

KH: Yeah. Two sleeves or none!

calypso scorp
calypso scorp

😀

Cassady Southern
Cassady Southern

“I told the babysitter the kids would be in bed by 8pm” ha ha ha!

Older/Wiser Virgo
Older/Wiser Virgo

Well, they are both rich and famous but Kate is more beautiful. On the other hand, Sarah dresses well. I just can’t decide!

Lucy
Lucy

Gwyneth: ” ‘I’m a baller. I hit the highway, making money…'”

Kate: “‘the flyyy way…'”

Sarah Jessica: “‘but there’s got to be a better way'”

Gwyneth: “‘I don’t understand the rest of the song.'”

Sarah Jessica: “Me neither.”

Kate: “Nope.”

Sarah Jessica: “Gwyn. You seem like an Aries too.”

Gwyneth: “Yeah. Aries through Friendship.”

Lucy
Lucy

Gwyneth:” You know if your cleanse is working if you can smell the parsley in your poop.”

Kate: “I don’t poop.”

Sarah Jessica: “But if you can smell the parsley doesn’t that also mean that your body is not metabolizing the parsley ?”

Gwyneth: “It means you’re not chewing properly. Stop. I know more about this than you do.”

PI
PI

“…Stop. I know more about this than you do.” LOLOL

Fire Fish
Fire Fish

I think Kate and SJP called Libran gooper -parent in when they couldn’t decide on who had the most fabulous forearms and she put her equanimous abilities to the test all the while biting down on the desire to point out that it really should be a chin-off! 😉

Jen Scorpio
Jen Scorpio

Look at us, a rose between two horns.

monte
monte

Yeah well done. I was thinking along those lines with the rose and thorn thing but didn’t quite get there.

HipparaEcmerci
HipparaEcmerci

Love this!!

Neil
Neil

Gwyneth to herself:
OMG…Chicks with Dicks….Just Keep Smilin’… I am a Woman, I am Libra,…. just keep on smilin’…

leogroover
leogroover

Gwyn : holy crap my hollywood tape is stuck to your holywood tape Kate and Sarah your g-string is glued to my butt. Keep smiling girls this is code blue situation.

Piscearian
Piscearian

Kate: gwyneth, where is your other hand?

Star
Star

Gwyneth: “Hahaha…so I says to the cop, I says, ‘Yeah, seriously! That’s Reese Witherspoon getting into her car right there! And she’s totally hammered!’ Ha’!! I’m sorry I’m not sorry!”

Kate Hudson: “Ha ha. Yeah. Totally. …wait, what?”

SJP: “…heh heh. [quietly, to herself] That’s whatcha get, Reese. Nobody wears my Garnier Nutrisse hair colors better than me. …bitch.”

serenity
serenity

Seriously? Channing Tatum is gay??

Madeleine
Madeleine

Gwyneth..”Did I really name my child Apples? “

Aqua-cap-Gemini
Aqua-cap-Gemini

Seriously Girls, Fuq the paps, lets just get fuqing shit snotted and have a great time. Ever wonder why I raw juice detox so much?

Katija
Katija

Gwyneth: “You’ve just got to look at the scale of things girls and don’t get big headed. We maybe be successful stars, but we all wipe our kids bums like everyone else.”

Lucy
Lucy

Gwyneth: “Oh. iiiiiiiiii’mmmm the most ha-ted celebrity in Hollywood when Anne H won’t join my charity and K-Stew is such a Sulk Monster !” Kate: “What did those rags base this on anyway ?” Gwyneth: “Oh. I dunno, it’s just so random. There’s a backlash right now on the pretty people who are into health and not fuc**** hating themselves or something, exxxxcuse my near-perfect posture, do you know how much yoga I have to do and my mother used positive re-inforcement when I was little, she said, “darling, I know everything is going to be just great for you.”… Read more »

Plin
Plin

Gwyneth’s thought bubble: “Must keep that Venusian charm shining, but be ready to make a quick escape: these two are bound to lock horns any minute now.”

Lucy
Lucy

Gwyneth: “I really like the aesthetic of this place, the vibe. Now what would you two Aries chicks do differently, hmm ?”

Lucy
Lucy

Sarah Jessica: “Gwyneth. I knew you were going to be a big star from the first moment I saw you in that movie where you were that drifter’s jailbait girlfriend and you grifted that antique pocket-watch from that dead man’s casket.”

Kate: “What was the name of that movie ?”

Gwyneth: “‘Flesh and Bone’ I think…”

Kate: “What ? Oh yeah, I auditioned for that but they said I was too flower child and not enough Prince Matchabellian.”

Sarah Jessica: “It’s Machiavell…Oh never mind. Can I please have another ‘Defrocked Pope Martini’ here please.”

Anonymous
Anonymous

Gwyneth: “Look over there, it’s Prince Matchabelli !”

Kate: “With Lance Armstrong.”

Sarah Jessica: “And Jude Law.”

Gwyneth: “Singing ‘Hey Jude’…!”

**Snort. Laugh. Snort. Giggles…**

Lucy
Lucy

Gwyneth: “Ladies, whaddya say we go back to my suite and listen to some self-help tapes ?”

Kate: “*Snort* yeah. Right after I finish my lemon peel Martini. What was in this thing ?”

Sarah Jessica: “Lemoncello, Vodka, Lance Armstrong’s Urine.”

Raché (Aqua/Tauri)
Raché (Aqua/Tauri)

A potent combo to be sure!

leogroover
leogroover

snort !!!!!!

Lucy
Lucy

Gwyneth: “What are you wearing ? Oh my God is that Wind Song ?
Your Wind Song stays on my mind ! **snort**laugh.

Kate: “Right”

Gwyneth: “Can you still buy that at the drug store ? That hippie chick over there is glaring at our diamonds. They’re conflict free, conflict free !”

Sarah Jessica: “If we were not in show business we would so be in a mental hospital right now.”

Kate: “Yeah, cute.”

Virgo Ellie
Virgo Ellie

Chris Noth (Big) shows up in a towel = SJP: [thinking] Oh no!! Kate to SJP:.. Carrie, he’s Big!!. Gwyneth: laughing at Kate’s comment.

I SO miss Sex and the City! My favorite series!!

xo!

K-Gem
K-Gem

Neptune in Pisces – perfect for Moet.

libralady
libralady

Hey ladies we are dressed up, smiling and getting our awesome on ready to tackle the the Zap Zone head on…

PisceanAquaSaggi
PisceanAquaSaggi

Gwy to Kate ” SJP got it wrong again… In terms of balance she needed a short dress and to cross her legs to the right!”

I AM
I AM

GWYNETH: “Happy Birthday Two Ewes, Happy Birthday Two Ewes…”
KATE: “STFU with the astrology jokes already…”
SJP: “Yeah Gwyneth, The Li-braless….lol…snort”

HipparaEcmerci
HipparaEcmerci

LOL! Love this!

leogroover
leogroover

dats funny

Pi
Pi

First attempt. I don’t know if this is a caption as such. But it’s what I would be thinking if I was sitting among them.

“Ladies, let’s remember, no matter how much the gossip columns rant about us or the paparazzi stalk us or other people bitch behind our backs, we are the ones who are rich, beautiful, have successful careers spanning two decades, beautiful kids, get to snog hot co-workers for money, and are always on the A-list. So haters can hate. WE can be happy.”

frenchy
frenchy

G: Hey gals, what’s happening. What the latest gossip?
K: Oh, I was telling her about how it’s so important to eat plenty of meat, vegetables and don’t fall into that gluten free bullshit diet. I get if you are allergic but using the excuse to be thinner. Just work out like rest of us.
S is aware gluten free diet.
G: Well…you guys know, we all were on Glee? We are practically like sisters. :giggle:

Nargis
Nargis

GP: “Certainly her [Mata Hari] true crime was being boldly defiant to the patriarchal ideology.”
SJP: {hair flip}
KH: {evil laughter}

jxsta
jxsta

Ladies, let’s blow this pop-stand. Sarah J, you grab the Vodka. Katie my luv, you grab the shot glasses. One-two-three….
Smile.Check
Laugh. Check
Toss hair back. Check….
Be cool ladies, let’s go!

Electric Eel Libran
Electric Eel Libran

A hair bleach convention.

Anonymous
Anonymous

Ack! Why is this photo like EVERYWHERE this week?! Was surprised to see it in here, even. Refreshing, though, that’s it’s here so everyone can take the piss….thank you!

Cannot STAND KH….bleurgh.

12th house virgo
12th house virgo

G: “Clearly the press don’t care that you guys have never won an Oscar. At least we’re all married to rockstars, am I right?”
Kate to SJP: “Why is she touching us?”
SJP: “To block the shower curtain someone sold her as a dress. Race you to the bar.”

LeoEscapeArtist
LeoEscapeArtist

Latest Goop category: The Zap Zone. For the first product review, we’re going downtown. Ladies, get your betty ready. Kate: Malibu Betty, SJP: Fun Betty, and with all the Taurus astro in La Libra’ s sexy sector…it seems fair to me that I review Sexy Betty. There are three stencils: star, tree, and angel. Let’s flash that champagne bottle and whoever makes it pop, picks first.

Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot
Lux Interior is My Co-Pilot

Gwyneth: So I named my daughter Apple. Such a charming name. I was on a juice fast at the time, and had these really intense cravings…you know how it is.

Kate: It must have been hard to pick a middle name, you know, to choose between “Goop” and “Bullshit”…

SJP: *nods and smiles knowingly*

aquagem
aquagem

Hah!!

calypso scorp
calypso scorp

LOL!

Tropic of Scorp
Tropic of Scorp

😆

Raché (Aqua/Tauri)
Raché (Aqua/Tauri)

lol

I picture this dynamic in the situation. Gwenyth being way too earnest and the Aries duo clowning on her (lovingly!) with it going over her head.

calypso scorp
calypso scorp

exactly 🙂

gemleolib
gemleolib

Kate: Hey guys! I’m doing this marathon for charity- and but I also found this new juice cleanse so I’m gonna do both at the same time. You guys in?
SJP: Yes! What is it for again? Doesn’t matter-I’ll win. Also… I’m doing it in heels.
Kate: Hahaha! Yeah sure you’ll win- You’ll win second place.
Gwen: Kate! How dare you start a juice cleanse without consulting me! I have the perfect one-it’s my 7 day goop-juice detox! It’ll balance you out for your run. I can do the run too… but only if we can be team pink?

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