Astro Query: The Valentine’s Day Gimp

Filed in Astro-Query

Abstract Modern Art Collage WomanDear MM,
Help! I have the Valentines Day Blues.  In fact I am the Valentine’s Day Gimp. It comes on most years when I realize I’m mostly single, may never meet the dream man and may never drive through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in my hair (thank you Marianne Faithfull for that one- not).  I try not to look at the cutesy cards and balloons everywhere also knowing someone at work with get a bouquet of flowers and we all have to go oogh and aagh.

With natal Venus opposition Saturn I was born a Love Zombie and have been trying to conquer it all my life. Some days I win – some days I lose. Today is a lost cause.

I have Mars in Libra – I should be romanced and be dancing under the moonlight in a long ball gown with men adoring me – goddamit I’M BEAUTIFUL (thank you Muriel’s Wedding – great ozzie movie).

So my point is with natal Venus opposition Saturn am I really a lost cause?
Love, the Leo Groover

PS: Another idea MM
The Love Zombie’s guide to Valentine Day  
Maybe we could we could have some fun with it and think of suitable retorts to peeps asking “what are you doing for Valentines day?

My first answer would be I’m going to have the best sex of my life – no mess, no awkward moments, no post coital snoring, no chewing his/her arm off.

Dear Leo Groover,

Valentines Day is totally naff.  And i have thought this whether single, married, in love or out of love. Those pink balloons? Gypsophila? Nylon pink teddy bears? Being frog-marched out to dinner to be romantic on cue? Pfft.

Think also: St Valentine was actually a martyr. He was torn apart by wild mules or something. I mean, seriously. The day itself is very rarely an actual romantic day cosmically. This year’s one is Moon in Aries square Pluto with Venus in Aquarius trine Bitch Goddess Lilith & Asteroid Sappho – brilliant astro if you want to go out to a dinner, drink the toxic plonk they often unload on couples as part of the St Valentine’s day “package”, have a cathartic fight and then use that as fodder for your next screenplay/anecdote/performance/whatever.

Also, there is absolutely nothing stopping you driving through Paris in a warm wind etc etc. Although, Marianne Faithfull may not be your best Muse in these matters, right? Venus opposition Saturn does not make you into a Love Zombie. You may be more cautious in love than some but it’s like the opposite of a delusional type.

You’re not a lost cause. In fact, with Venus-Saturn, you stop mooning on about moonlight and ballgowns and devise some sort of a business plan for mating. Re what to say to peeps asking what you’re doing on Valentines Day? I think it’s good to just brush off naff questions like you didn’t hear them. Like when taxi drivers ask where you live or what your job did. Does your last bit mean that you intend to perfect, um, self-loving?

Finally, Love Zombies e-stalk and send cryptic or drunken stream of consciousness messages on Valentines Day. This is how you know if you are a Love Zombie or not.

What does everyone else think?

Image: Jane Maxwell

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143 thoughts on “Astro Query: The Valentine’s Day Gimp

  1. Torn apart by mules…LOL.

    Leogroover honey, I’d take it as a compliment to not get tacky cards from der brains that can’t tell you straight that they adore you, if that’s the basic premise ?
    Can I just say out and proud you are totally gorgeous, I can tell from the many honest and caring comments you have posted on this blog over the years. The picture that I have of you in my mind? , a beautiful free spirited lioness who still hasn’t settled for less than she deserves.
    May all your romantic and heartfelt wishes come true x

    • I completely agree. Leogroover you DO deserve to be completely adored. You never know when lightning will strike. You’re singledom is only a reflection of your faith that you will find the real thing.
      Valantines day (and romance) isn’t what it used to be. My entire testosterone swamped office keeps complaining how women expect flowers and a wedding ring and are gold diggers. And groan when girls in the office get flowers. But when I talk to my female colleagues about their love lives, the reality is very unromantic. Woman are accepting such low standards of respect and basic intimacy for the sake of curbing their loneliness. One has been dating her guy for 7 yrs and he kicks her out every morning so that the cleaner won’t know she exists and possibly tell his long distance possibly ex girlfriend. My sister’s love zombie friend is in a relationship with one loyal boyfriend but spends all her time stalking her one-time ex from university on facebook. My sister goes to the same uni and heard recently that had he dumped those 6 yrs ago because she was bad in bed and told everyone that she is a terrible route.
      You are always in a better position than you think as long as the answer isn’t:
      “What am I ‘doing’ for valentines day? Your husband.”

      • I agree that we accept total crap. My text today to fuqwit guy I have been seeing on and off for 6 months was:

        “I don’t see the point with us, you’ve slept with two people behind my back (that I know off) you don’t want commitment and you treat me like a convenience, it’s insincere it’s bullshit and it hurts me so please don’t contact me ever again”.

        Not doing zombie/doormat anymore! And I saying what I feel for once not what I think I ‘should’ say.

        • That was really brave! The venus square Saturn must be working its take-no-bullshit-in-love crap on you.

          When we censor what we feel it is accepting conditional love. once you detox this loser, you can attract your equal. Feelings should stop people from playing games. You deserve unconditional love.

        • 1. Taking notes for the next loser that comes along

          2. Doing a cheerleader goooooooo redliptickgirl for you

          Now that is Valentines day inspiration!

        • As girls we are always afraid to say/act as we feel because guys always make us feel like clingers. (“why should we ruin a good thing…lets just enjoy our time and see where this goes..i need to be with some one who accepts me for me and doesnt try to change me…bullshit ect…”

          But when we say what we think we ‘should’ say they think we are clingers anyway.

          So I say to the fuq with it..

        • Nice one! And I don’t mean that in a “you won the fight” way. I mean it like you’ve done yourself a service. Really good.

          • Sorry about above ambiguity^^

            First reply was for PureLibra, the other for RedlipstickGirl 🙂

  2. Hate Valentine’s Day. Don’t believe all the crap. Find it icky, actually. All teh red reminds me of blood and the stuffed toys/ balloons/ flowery stuff just feels like a kid’s party.

    Figured it was just my Cap Venus at work. Oddly, my moon is in sooky Kataka BUT it is in my 10th house. Probably why I’m not at all romantic but I’m writing a romantic comedy screenplay. Channeling instead of wallowing in any single girl gloom. I LOVE being a bachelorette!! 😉

  3. Dear Leo Groover, I too was single for many years and despaired of ever finding the right man. I wasn’t a love zombie but I was very reluctant to risk being hurt or let down. Eventually I got tired of being sorry for myself so I started affirming that I would meet a man with certain qualities, and lo and behold, the Universe delivered in quite a miraculous way.

    If I did it, you can do it. Have a little faith in yourself, and, as Mystic suggests, make a plan. When you take control of the situation you may find that things aren’t as bad as they seem. Good luck.

    • ‘s true. “To get what you want, become what you want” someone v clever said once

      also at times like what you’re feeling LG, I remind myself of all the lovely male (in my case) friends who I DO have, and who generally like me, so I contact them and hang out – this way I can still get a kick out of manly company without the hassle of whatever. I figure it’s the universe’s way of reminding me to appreciate men in general, as a species, you know. peace xx

      • Ps (i can’t shut up today) just go to paris anyway. hire the car. let hair down. what are you waiting for!!

        • totally, I just did a Paris rant down but not hard to find a man in Europe for such things babe. I actually got chased through the Paris Metro from a guy trying to ask me out whilst I was running for a train.

      • I wish I could do this.. find guys that I can just hang out with. That is what I want right now. To have the manly “being” around to hang with, laugh and do things with.. without the intimacy.


        • I wish I could have male friends like a Taurus girl. I have a bawdy sense of humour that guys get. I have no interest in beer or sports and that’s probably where it ends.

          My only male friend that I got along with and opened up to and treated like a mate accused me last week of being a tease even though he has a fiancé and i acted like a bloke around him. im so insulted. Now I feel like you cant even talk to the opposite sex without guys thinking that you want them.

          • Oh no… that is exactly what I’m talkin’ about.. I can’t stand it. I have no interest in being intimate with anyone right now. There are a lot of guys out there to have fun with.. but that is it!

            I hope that comment he made didn’t ruin your friendship. I would probably ask him more questions to get a better understanding as to why he said it.


          • there are plenty of men for whom beer and sport is not a religion 🙂 thank god lol and for those where ti is a religion, thank your lucky stars that you don’t have to endure their stunted line of conversation and lack of interest in fine wine and spirits 😀 or whatever it is … then again it can be fun hanging out with blokes and drinking beer and watching sport, sometimes, so what do I know 🙂

            and it’s not your fault that your pal who happens to be male is incapable of seeing you as a friend. (the perils of being a lovely Libran 🙂 ) you could always tell him that you were insulted.. perhaps? maybe he’ll also realise that he’s the one with the skewed perception. he’s only one guy after all. it does take a certain amount of (social!) exposure for a man to realise that you’re not hitting on him just because you’re talking to him. then again maybe i am vastly naive but hey, you either have to be totally hot so they’re intimidated into not asking you out but are happy to hang out with you (LIKE, WHENEVER YOU WANT), or if you;re getting vibes,.. hmm what do i do there… start to angle the conversation at a more chummy angle…hmm. that’s the annoying part. I suggest having only hot male friends so that if one of them *does* become interested in you, then it’s NO trouble to reciprocate! mwaha.

          • Thanks guys i really appreciate the advice and support. He is certainly not someone i would consider or sense vibes from. He is an aqua and we would swap dating advice. I did express to him that I was hurt by his comment. He responded by saying that perhaps I’m a flirt but I just don’t realise it. This is certainly not the case. But he ruined the friendship with his next comment. He accused me of being very promiscuous and lying about it (I had previously opened up about being a virgin). As a feminist i have no problem with women having casual sex, but after the entire time that I have known him for him to think I would lie is ridiculous. I’m starting to think that maybe all this time he was attracted to me and developed the delusion in his head that it was mutual. I refuse to demean myself by trying to convince him further. Things have been silent between us and I feel betrayed.

            • Oh Purelibra.. I had to say it.. but I agree with you. When I read your story my immediate thought was he was attracted to you. Although engaged… they still think we are after them. Ugh…

              Can men and women be JUST friends and which signs are better at it than others. LOL!!

              Ummm.. Mystic?

              • Squas and cancers poach girlfriends from their friendship circle I have noticed.
                Perhaps I should do as pi said and befriend hotter men as a safetey net now that I know
                That even the
                Unattractive ones are arrogant.

                • it’s a shame he was so uncool towards you purelibra… there are better people out there.,, as you know xx

            • yep, sounds like a douche….it’s a shame for you, but sure you deserve better male friends and that in time they’ll come.

              My BFF of 20 years is a man, and he has tried it on a couple of times over the years. It just doesn’t ever get going though, as we know it’ll change things and the friendship is too important to us both for that.

              He’s been more true, loyal and helpful to me over time than any other friend. He’s not awesomely reliable – he can be disappointing sometimes – but he will never diminish or betray me. It’s lovely to have someone who I can trust like that.

              I hope you’ll find a male friend who respects you too PL!

          • This has happened to me A LOT. I have a friend who told me no guy will ever want to be my friend without expecting sex out of the deal – except for him of course “because we go way back.” Eventually, he admitted to me he was gay and he still tried to have sex with me. LOL! We are actually friends, so we got past it. But, he is a bit less attentive now that he knows we aren’t going to get drunk some night and slip up. Honestly, sex comes up a lot, in all relationships (and genders) when you get close to someone. Maybe part of being older? Maybe something always there? I don’t know. But that Aqua’s attack on your character is the real problem, yeah? Sorry, but at least you know he’s not your friend. And, there really is no “safe” relationship. Just stay true to you.

            • so true. nothing’s safe, nothing’s sacred, and sex will never NOT come up.

  4. So with you Mystic on the V-Day who-HA!! It is not that big of deal! Dear Reader.. you grab some single GF’s and go out and have dinner. Or for me I can do it myself!

    I would want to make sure my husband, if I had one, would do something for my daughter, if I had one.. but I just think V-Day is a hoax.

    If you really want someone in your life I would suggest writing a list of good quality “wants” in a man. Write it down. Keep the list out on your table and see it for a couple of days and read that list. Have that list registered in you mind. Sweetie, I can guarantee that if you continue thinking of that great list of “wants” in a man he will show up. Just don’t expect it.. just keep thinking of that list. After your write your list let’s create a vision board. Go through magazines and find that list you just wrote and tack them up on a vision board. PLEASE know that vision boards work. Just don’t put any timeframe expectation on it and I promise you.. things will begin to show up.

    Good luck! Wear pink or red on V-Day and carry a rose.. you are worth feeling it yourself that you are worth a million bucks in Paris!


  5. Mars in libra here too. When I’ve gotten a card from some current squeeze I always feel like its fakey. I think but I just went 6 rounds with you this week, so why?,?!!!

    • Mars in Libra. Told my ex husband when we were dating that I didn’t want flowers because he was an ass or for some calendar event, but because he wanted to give them to me for being me. Hence, I never got flowers.

  6. Venus in Cap opp. Saturn rx here so:

    Valentine’s Day IS naff … ffs you need a bloody fixed date to tell me how much you are into me? Eff’ that. It’s all just commercial hype to suck the dough out of poor sobs that need to conform to the expectations of a significant other.

  7. Natal Saturn-Venus conjunction here. I try to steer away from V-day brouhaha but whatever transit I may have atm, this year it is hurting me a bit, too, precisely for the reasons Leo Groover spelled out – I guess there is no one out there.. Anyhow, soon it will be post V-day, Zap Zone Central.

  8. dear leo groover – dont worry, one day they will bring in the little white piano, the two violinnists, the champagne in the round glasses, and a man, as handsome and virile as you would wish for will sing to you. and then smugly, you will be able to turn to all those other fools clutching their knicker-red stuffed hearts and say …. archly – for thou art a leo .. “now that’s what i am talking about !”

  9. Duck fuq fuq me…. Dealing w a couple it taureans stuck in their ways very challenging/boring for this mutable! arrrrgggghhhh

  10. Leo groover,

    Don’t let expectations swamp you!

    For many years I felt the same. Then managed to turn the thing around.

    I’m not a complete cynic or a fluffy balloon buying, rose hoarding chocolate munching type either…

    I think that some people need an allocated day to remind them that there are special people in their lives who need to be told they matter.

    Whether its your mate, your date, your grandma or your cat…

    Granted: The day has been over commercialised and ruined by pressured hoards who are suddenly required to publicly declare their love.

    There is nothing stopping you from visiting Paris – tho I would strongly suggest avoiding driving ( they’re nuts on the roads there)

    Or wearing a fabulous dress ( I have a red dress for the day. Cause if I don’t have a date I still plan to get attention dammit)

    And you are beautiful no matter what day it is.

    Do your favourite things on feb 14.

    The ‘dream’ valentines is often just that.

    Xoxo aquaphobe
    (Who’s valentines over the years have included a stalker/ a creepy anonymous letter/ sitting at home eating chocolate pudding and crying that life isn’t a meg Ryan movie/ starting a job/ being fired from a job/ stuck in snowstorm/ stuck working a shift with a sociopath/ awkward family lunch/ awkward dates / pressured to find perfect gift)

  11. i wanted to be “gay” 4 valentines day lol XD but i guess i’ll spend the day with my mother lol

  12. V-day. Venereal disease day. yuck.

    I have no idea what gypsophilia is? Someone who collects chalk? 🙁

    The only GOOD thing about Valentines day is the next day when all the expensive themed chocolate goes on sale.

  13. Leo, darling, you are a bright soul. A couple of things..

    Mystic, all your points are perfect. Anyone that actually equates Vday to romance, self worth and love has ROCKS in their head. This is not being a hater on romance, far from it, I have respect for romance hence I defend it. It is the most vile aesthetic to accompany the more awesome aspects of dating/sex/actual connections.

    Actual connections, men do not come out of a box, most of them require a kind of training or introduction into knowing you. I don’t mean some pfft tri hard domination but hell I have an out loud and proud policy on all the things I love so that when people approach they get a feel where is a good spot to put their feet and I do not let a single inch of that pre perscribed relationship shit into the mix. Granted the Aqua was nuts but he was very charming to all boundaries at the start because I was super all over that. Lastly, saturn anything venus is ANTI love zombie, the antidote. Self esteem issues maybe but not 8 missed calls a day and e stalking. PPS have you ever been to Paris? it;s full of men who will harass you at a moments notice. Seriously, parisian men are full on, if that fails go to Rome. Late Spring early summer Euro season. book a ticket and go.

    • Giggling……Rome… They turn it into their life’s mission to flirt shamelessly

      Agree on self worth. I think too many of us get wrapped up in the “should be” associated with the day.

      • “Flirt shamelessly” is an understated description of men who will put their hand down the pants of a stranger. This happened twice to my friend’s mother.

        I can understand why someone would be torn apart by wild horses after such behaviour.

        • Yeah, glad I didn’t have that experience ewww.
          Worst of the negative stuff I got in rome was leering from a couple of oldies, something offensive muttered by a teenager who looked like he belonged in grease the movie and stinkeye from an old shop keeper.

    • Absolutely! Guys just follow you around in Paris and Rome. Even walking across a pedestrian crossing they stop their cars and make google eyes and ask for your phone number and ask you out to dinner with nary a care that cars behind are honking their ire at them!! ; o
      Going for that experience alone is worth it Leo Groover beside all the other wonderful stuff to do etc! I find French & Italian guys hilarious! However am only attracted to Celts for some reason!

    • Ah, the French. Had a 3 hour meeting with one yesterday, I’d no idea he was initially so when finally spoke and I was trying to place the accent, I said, Oh, are you French?

      “I do,” he replied, “and I am.” Wink wink. Seriously.

  14. I had no idea valentines day was coming up, I dont even know why, its febuary after all, dangit, it would have been funny to have made it to valentines day without having known and then suddenly just seeing all the v-day stuff, also leo groover, one saturn aspect isnt even that bad dont worry, saturn is tough in different ways, its not that your too delusional and love zombieish your scaring people away, its more like there are standards that must be met, even internally, to even do venus, im not gonna get all doc daneeka on you and complain about my venus, but it could be worse, aspect wise, saturn will end up being a good thing

  15. Dearest Leo Groover,
    V day is nothing special. It was invented by Hallmarks to rake in the $$$ and make single people feel awkward and depressed about their single status. It is just a day. Time is just an illusion. He could be right around the corner, you just need to believe.

    Think of all the lessons you’ve learnt being single, when the right guy comes along you’ll know. And you can have all these things.

    I agree with MM whether I’m loved up or single I really really really don’t care about this day. Lol. Neither should you. You’re beautiful xox

  16. VD is naff but finding a good guy isn’t.

    I was 44, a sole parent and hadn’t had a real relationship for eight years or so and figured I’d be on my own forever and I was OK with it. I had great friends and I was enjoying my life – though lonely sometimes.

    My plumber of 14 years asked me out. He was shy, cute, recently divorced and I didn’t really want to go but felt awkward declining him. I went out, it was awkward but we’ve been living together for more than four years and I’m really happy (not sure about him as he’s living with a psychotic, perimenopausal witch).

    After dating barristers, ad men, artists etc he’s a breath of fresh air. H’s down to earth, funny and hard working – though not particularly romantic.

    As an air-head (aqua sun and rising) it’s been great to get out of head case relationships. A friend described my relationship with my son’s father as two heads fucking – we were constantly competing with each other. In this relationship, we are totally different, seem to respect that and just seem to get along and are kind to each other.

    I read somewhere that a single woman in her forties was more likely to be attacked by terrorists than find love (gotta love the media for that one) but I was 44 when I went out with someone I didnt really want to.

    On Sunday we were at the Vic market and I gave a challenge: $15 and 15 minutes to find the tackiest valentines gift we could find for each other. It was a draw!

    • Wow Meloncat, similar story here – I will be 48 this year, was single for more than 10 years, celibate for 5, and have been living with my partner now for 3 years. He is a tradie too, a plumber (who is now interested in vintage furniture and brings home beautiful pieces quite often).

      I did date banker, ad guy, musicians etc. and had no shortage of fun men friends to hang out with (venus in aries) but this is such a solid relationship and yes, we do have different backgrounds but I really like his relationship values, and he finds my world view fascinating (as I am an artist).

      Was at a 40th recently and there were guys there of the type that I would have dated in my twenties/early thirties, and I was looking at them thinking “hmmm, you seem kind of boring and predictable, actually”

      And i also was doubtful whether to get involved at first, but had been single so long, that I thought, “hell, got to give it a shot or i could be single another 10 years!”

      • Thanks meloncat and veronica,

        i love these stories! I’m a 43 yo single parent and have been solo for 4 years….and pretty happy with it really – have had a lot of recovering to do – but one day, perhaps quite soon, I want a love, not necessarily big, but true and kind.

        My past relationships have been with academics and musicians but I had a post-separation fling with a welder and IT WAS THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE. *sigh and flush* Unfortunately he was also a drug dealer and a mind fuq, so it didn’t last, lol. however, I have a new appreciation for tradies 🙂


          • Hi Calypso, my partner has scorp rising too, and he is by no means totally angelic (leo sun, very very very stubborn…) but he is really devoted to me, and to the relationship in a way that I haven’t come across often, maybe only in my first serious relationship in my twenties. So we can work through difficult stuff if we need to without thinking the other will walk away easily.

            -and cos we are both multiple fire signs, we vent hard and forgive

            I was pretty happy with my single life, and don’t think I would always be easy to live with (i love meloncat’s observation “as he’s living with a psychotic, perimenopausal witch” 😀 You do get used to doing things your own way….

            The tradie thing is funny. Very practical men seem to have more of an expectation that the family unit, and home is at the centre of their priorities maybe?

            I have another dear male friend, who is very well travelled, urbane, works in the arts industry, lots of women have been interested in him as he is a bit of a catch, and we have been romantically attracted to each other at different times but I couldn’t imagine settling in with him and making a life together. His priorities are more about travelling, being inspired, going to amazing festivals, he does work long hours too. I have done those things but not where i’m at now, and appreciate having someone who shares the day to day stuff

            • oh, maybe your arty friend would like me! does he have scorpio rising 😉

              thanks for the response, I lolled at mc’s comment too x

  17. the only time in my adult life i’ve gotten anything for vday was last year, once i had made up my mind to leave the ex. he bought me jewelry- it smacked of desperation, which is what the whole holiday is about. desperation and guilt. it doesn’t stop the idealized longing i feel though. i can and do scream bs from the mountaintops but deep down i know it’s just a defense mechanism. i’ve been on the fence about whether or not to write to le dude… decided to send him one line. do unto others and all that, and have no expectation of reciprocity. i’m a hopeless romantic at heart when it comes down to it. and venus opposing my saturn today is not doing what it’s supposed to! no clarity anywhere in sight- must be all the pisces. or tomorrow’s neptune sextile.

    none of this is advice at all for ya, lg. just empathy and love and a whole lot of i don’t knows. xoxox

    • Reminds me of a line from a song “ain’t gonna come til I’m ready.”

      Sorry, love, but you can’t have the romance you deserve if you chase the one you don’t.

      I’ve decided to do a health overhaul. Quitting smoking tomorrow. Wish me luck!

      • wow! huge! good luck… not that you need it, but good luck anyway!

        believe me, i’m not scaring away possibilities by chasing. in the 6 months i’ve lived here i have yet to see even one man i’m remotely attracted to. besides the professor. yucky rednecks only. i feel so trapped in small town hell in that regard. and i’m not really chasing- one message a month and totally ignoring (or trying to give the impression of at least) otherwise- but i’d rather have a real person to fantasize about than nobody, you know? or a celebrity or i don’t even know what people do. the instant somebody else comes along long distance soulmate hell is dropped. promise. 😉

        • I do know. The only dude I’ve been able to romantically fantasize about is uranian – for years. Made a few composite characters that don’t stick. I know how hard it is and certainly don’t judge it. I’ve sent off unreturned messages too. I just know the truth is that the right man steps up, without texts, you know? Love doesn’t require the mucky shitty clinging needy feeling. It has to come clean. Obv I don’t know the details for your situ. Perhaps I am writing more to myself. But you sound like such a stunner, so unique, so true…you deserve a man who is strong enough to put himself out there for you. In the meantime…how’s your art going? Xoxoxo

          • argh, art is going frustratingly slowly. so many other responsibilities getting in the way of losing myself in it… i suppose with little kids it couldn’t be any other way. i’m trying to have perspective, see it as part of the monster saturn transit patience quest, and not be disappointed in myself.

            i hear you about uranian. these karmic entanglements- they’re so sticky, and so hard to know what level of detachment is even possible, let alone right. if we’ve spent lifetimes finding and refinding this person, how can we just say, “oh, it didn’t work out, bye?” i’m at the stage where (and i think you said this before) i can say “i love you, i have always loved you, and i willl always love you,” and not need anything more. working hard on the neediness… such an acute process to go from not even aware of it to overwhelmingly so via one little pluto transit of a human being! so much muck! i don’t want to be with him on a needy basis and neither does he and he says that’s what he’s working on- the “i don’t want you to see my mess” virgo thing. i just don’t know what to believe and on level it doesn’t matter- it’s about what it’s doing to me and it is transformative. i don’t really feel like i have anything to lose at this point. if he doesn’t respond, i’m used to it. mostly i like the fact that i can feel this deeply- it is not something i’ve ever experienced before. i guess that is a reason to karmically appear in my life far deeper than the simple motivation to liberate me from a dead marriage. crazy.

            it’s true though, we do deserve someone with courage, integrity…. a true partner. maybe we hold their memories tight in our fantasy lives because they could become worthy. it’s possible, you know. unlikely, but possible. or else they are just serious trials by fire, burning away all that is not 100% genuine. oh HI PLUTO. xoxoxo

        • actually the dropping part may be a lie. i really don’t know. heart is so stuck. 🙁

          • What kind of love would it be if you could drop it? Still, love is no reason to drop your standards. You still MUST do you, yeah?

            One of my favorite quotes is “all love is unrequited. All of it.” Love is what it is.

            • yes, yes, yes, and YES. i’m going to paint that quote on something. thank you!!

          • Get your art on…get into it and being in love won’t hold you back. Try it, day by day.

  18. This year is the first year I am HAPPY to be without compulsory romancing in any form (e.g. anniversaries, Valentines day etc). Complusory “romancing” sucks. There is no spontenaity (sp?), and the weight of expectation tends to drag everything down. Ugh! I have now come to see how ghastly it can all be. Romance should be…in the moment!

    I’ve also recently become less of a fan of birthdays! I’ve decided I actually hate giving and receiving gifts because it is always so…commercial? My new policy is only to give things I have made myself, like artworks, hand-sewn garments and the like.

    • What was the punchline?Did he say he wants to order:

      ‘Dont-cheat-on-me on a bed of rice’?

        • Hahhah thanks for that David

          I think all the women on this post sound like that sometimes… I don’t need a a man to put in my wallpaper… Black-rants and all. But we are all really just white men underneath it all…lol

          Happy bitter valentines day!

        • the set up of the scene is, liz lemon is hallucinating from being at the dentist, the episode was a valentines day one, and she wasnt with anyone, so to prove to everyone she didnt care she scheduled a dentist appointment, but it turns out she needed someone to pick her up since she was going to be loopy on laughing gas, so then she couldnt find anyone for that and started inadvertently going through valentines day trouble, so while hallucinating, she starts having visions of her exes, this scene was just poking fun at that, and she was hallucinating the caribean dental secretaries as her exes

          • Thanks for the background on that one David, it makes a tad more sense now! Sounds like a funny episode.

            We tend to think back on our exes when we are reminded of how much being single sucks. It reminds my of an episode from Sex and the City where Miranda gets her eye’s lasered and she doesnt want to get her boyfriend to pick her up from the docs because she doesnt want him to see her vulnerable.

            • no problem, I just thought 30 rock would be a funny way to poke fun at valentines, I was trying to find a clip of liz lemon, or britta even, ranting about valentines but this was all I could find, but its kind of fitting to, I think we can all relate a bit to liz lemon, at least I can sometimes, I mean, not to the girl stuff, but ya know

              • David, I wish more guys could relate to Liz Lemon, at least “You are my heroine! And by heroine I mean lady hero. I don’t want to inject you and listen to jazz.”

                More liz lemon single-person’s quotes:

                “Lovers.. oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.”

                “I was going to take this class called Cooking for One, but the teacher killed himself.”

  19. You guys are ALL pure Gold : >. As for you Mystic you are the Queen of Gold girl! I SO needed to hear how St Valentine was pulled apart by mules! Not that I am into mules doing horrible things or guys being pulled apart!

    I feel for you Leo Groover as even though I am such a down to earth Sagg I too was feeling a wee bit…just a smidgen blue, thinking…sigh….where oh where art thou my man of my dreams?
    The thing is I have some great guys as mates. One particular guy has been a very close mate for some 13 years now and we speak about everything. So PureLibra you can definitely have great male friends. Your friend was or rather is an insecure turd! He is actually smitten with you methinks and was hoping that one day you just might treat him as a friend with benefits! I am so glad you discovered this now and you can say, ” Away with you…..”

    Meloncat and Veronica your stories are totally dreamie and gives me much hope : >. Now that is romance!

    davidl-YOU are such a mega sweetheart…wish you had a few brothers to share with us girls…if they were like you that is……you make a girl feel golden…kudos to you.

    Well…as for moi…..I am smitten with a younger Gem surfer…yes a surfer again! What is it with me? Is it the Sagg Sun, Scorp rising, Gem Moon? Anyway, he refuses to tell me his age as I am concerned that he is too young for me. He says it does not matter but….hmm…gravityy? He is so tender and sweet but typical Gem man goes off air for days and then suddenly materialises. I refuse to be love zombie and am always racing around doing a million and one things anyway.

    I will go to the beach, eat basil and pistachio dip with rice crackers and drink a yummy red. Then later have some chocolate ice cream OR maybe have lemon and passionfruit gelato. I will not hang about waiting….

    New lingo in my vocab thanks be to Mystic and y’all…

    Valentines Day=VD!
    VD is naff! Hilarious!
    “Frog marched to dinner….aaaaargh my cheeks hurt from laughing!

    I shall go do some work happily now…..mwah to all xx

    • surfing types are just damn hot SS, that’s all 😉 … healthy, fit, generally not too neurotic, whenever you lick them they taste all salty from the ocean, hahahahah oh shut up Pi *mind wandering*

  20. I actually feel a bit sorry for people who are expected to do something to mark Valentines Day. I love being VD free 😉

    However, I do hope one day you will find an appropriate match for your desires Leo Groover. Meantime, It’s much better to be single than be in a complicated dynamic with someone who isn’t right for you. Really, save yourself for someone really special and it will be worth it. From what I can gather, the more you love yourself, the more chance there is of attracting someone awesome Good luck, and enjoy yourself on Thursday! xx

    • “Meantime, It’s much better to be single than be in a complicated dynamic with someone who isn’t right for you.”

      Colleague asked my advice about her argument with her husband today. Should she call now or not?

      I wanted to say, Oh honey, I have Chiron in the 5th, and you’re asking me??

      By the afternoon, she said it’s sad but she has married the wrong man.

      • oh, that is sad 🙁

        i hope he’s not abusive….I married the wrong man too and 4 years post-separation I’m still fielding (and learning to rise above) abusive messages. Single and complicated dynamic with someone who wasn’t right for me!

  21. Thank you 12th virgo, salacious sagg and calyso scorp for inspiring me with your stories of long-term male friendships. I can stop thinking that men is to women like oil is to water. Perhaps it is about finding good down-to-earth people regardless of gender. Female friends have done worse to me in the past, i suppose.

    Good luck with all your new love interests. p.. aussie tradies are v. sexy!

  22. Yes, Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday, for sure! You can blame us Yanks for that, I think!
    Leo Groover, you sound awesome and powerful and no little silly holiday need get in your way! Let it pass…’s a bullshit made-up holiday anyway!

    I had forgotten that Thursday was Valentine’s Day, actually, and had made plans to get drinks with a new ‘friend’. It’s not really a ‘date’, but there is some sort of attraction there.. I think it will be ok. He’s the kind of guy who would probably find it amusing that our first time hanging out is actually going to be Valentine’s Day. Heck, we live in San Francisco, and people around here seem to have an ironical or sardonic view of a ‘holiday’ like that….too many hipsters here to take it seriously….. I’ll let you all know how it goes! Ha ha!

    On another level, though, I haven’t gone on a date with anyone or had sex in over a year, so this is a bit of a trip for me as well as I have this old love zombie issue that has been around for years and has mostly faded but involves a guy who is a Gemini, about ten+ years younger than me, and is a musician and it turns out that the guy I’m going out with on Thursday is also a Gemini, about ten+ years younger than me, and a musician. Also, this has happened to me before….. Gemini/younger/musician archetype shows up over and over….so weird! Anyway…………I need to be on the lookout, I think! But really, I’ve got my eyes open, being aware and taking care of myself, so I’ll probably be ok.

    I’m Aqua Sun, and also have Venus square Saturn in my natal chart, Venus in Cap, Saturn in Aries.

    What do you all think…?

    • Tres interestingus maximus that you made the date without knowing it was Valentines Dat! VD….snort will always think of 14/2 like thus now! Anony my Gem is also about 10 years younger I think…. Could be even 12 or 14 years younger!
      It is always easier to advice others than yourself non? I feel what the heck if you are interested – go for it! No sex or date for a year …. So just go with the flow. Aqua Sun & Venus in Scorp makes a very liberated mindset non? My problem is that I am surrounded by ageists! However SF is so cool & everything goes so …..why not, don’t think about it/analyse it too much …. I think we can miss out on great friendships when we are hell bent on finding that perfect life partner!

  23. Dear Leo Groover, I feel for you babe. I hear the fear of uncertainty for the future etc. But I echo the sentiments of most here, that VDay is bollocks, it’s for young bogans or jaded couples staring at each other trying to think of something to say. Last year Mystic called them ‘the dining dead’. Although walking past a restaurant of couples and hearing that hum of chatter and laughter it could be hard to not to feel that there might be something missing in one’s own life. It would be understandable to feel like that, in the full glare of all that rose-coloured fakery. Or maybe that’s just me.
    Also – you don’t sound like a Love Zombie to me. Wanting to be loved and asking those deep questions of yourself is not LZ behaviour. It’s very human. You sound honest and smart and without a trace of self-pity. All of those things are very attractive qualities.
    I am no expert on love, believe me. In fact I’m probably the love grinch at the mo. But what I do know is that there are no guarantees and no timetables. I hear of so many women who are ditching their 20+year marriages. Others who are finding love by complete accident. Still others who are doing the hard work of a long term relationship. It’s a complete lottery at best.
    Do what makes you happy, it will help xx

    • “It’s a complete lottery at best.”

      Whenever I encounter a woman who has a very happy marriage with a supportive husband, I always take to time to ask them the secret..and the answer is al;ways the same:


      They tell me that they had dated losers in the past and there is no reason or indication that this one would be different. At least in this sense luck has its own equality. It doesnt descriminate. We all have the same chance of having great uniexplicable luck!

    You are all my heros/heroines. I feel 10 feet taller now and will walk tall tommorow. All your comments are so spot on and I will go over and over and over them and LEARN and LOVE myself more.
    Love you all
    xxxxxxx and ooooooo and ((((((((hugs)))))))) x 976 gazillion

  25. wondering sometimes if I have had a love-ectomy. lust-ectomy even. mentioned emotional teflon in some other comment somewhere. tolerance for fuqery is SO low, even the HOT tradie(s) i saw today in doing work in a certain religious museum caused me to shrug and think, wow ok, again HOT, ….*shrug*. TOS if you’re reading this it was near Messina, I can tell you where if you like 😀

    • 😆 I know exactly that museum you’re talking about!!!
      Got a day off tomorrow, I might just walk on by 😀

    • Do you ever go to the tiny cafe starting with “B” that’s very close to Messina?

      Go there a fair bit. Have a crush on one of the baristas. He’s an abstract artist. Tall, skinny, great taste in music… *sigh* Think he’s married though. 🙁 Oh well, great eye candy. Not model good looking, just REALLY interesting.. 🙂

  26. this is a great article about what BS valentine’s day is, and how the day after is one of the most popular days for divorce filings.

    look, i do think it is nice when you have someone special to spend it with. and it is easy to feel like a leper if you’re single on the day. i am single and going to ignore cultural messages and plan a special day for myself. a burger from my fave burger truck, cupcakes from my fave cupcake place, and gonna buy season 4 of parks and recreation on DVD. woo hoo 🙂

    • Good for you Porkchop.. that is what I am gonna do! Probably an espresso martini will be invited! xo!

    • the self-love route is the way to go. for me, flowers and maybe some more nice lingerie- since saturn transiting my 6th apparently means i can’t eat chocolate. or cake. or burgers, or cheese, or bread, or wine! 3 bottles of chard, 3 women, many hours the other night… and i am retching in the toilet? wtf.

      • Saturn is also transiting my 6th… I generally eat 80/20 healthy and to think of the cupcakes and burgers as a way of keeping my metabolism guessing and fired up… 🙂

    • Too much time in the office googling papal prophecies has got me tempted to try Edgar Cayce’s apple detox as a treat. All the Pisces planets are lighting up my 6th house. Cupcakes and burgers are my norm.

  27. Leo Groover honey, Valentine’s Day is yet another social devise invented by some regime aka The Man to distract women from revolt and keep them in peasantry and toil, in the name of love naturally – enslaved to this idea that a dratted heart shaped box, some poor shorn flowers, foul sugary sweets and the pomp of obligatory attention is meant to fulfill one’s romantic aspirations. Hmm, ok I was a bit harsh.

    But really, I’ve long theorized this rose out of some conversation in Dude Circle where stumped by the mystery that is Woman, someone piped up with a formula and went, “wot if we just give ’em a day? Y’know, hearts, flowers, the whole bag, get it over and done with then you don’t gotta worry about it the rest of the year.” I’m being cheeky, but honey I agree with MM.

    You’re not a love zombie by any stretch of the imagination, and crikey, if you wanted to you could be having sex each and every day. The best? Well, you know it takes two to tango. At least. 🙂 And truly, the awkward moments sometimes make it all that much sweeter.

    Also, realizing you are “mostly single” should really be treated as a fleeting thought, not your identifier. Whilst this may be true, I’m sure you are far too rich, deep and beautiful a woman to extend the recognition of that from being a practical fact to globalizing it as a static state of being. So what? Just because you’re single now, doesn’t mean you won’t be later. Stranger things have happened.

    At work peeps who knew me from when I was married then got divorced often ask if I intend to marry again with a follow up comment that they don’t understand why I’m STILL single. Huh, like I’m some broken clock they’re obsessively rattling up and down to figure out what’s wrong. Once, someone even mused at how my beaus never seem to last (thanks for the commentary). I used to say some smart ass thing but really I can’t even be bothered now.

    My life isn’t perfect, at times the loneliness isn’t just palpable, it’s a fuqing building I’m not sure how to carry around, and yes, so far I haven’t settled with anyone but I loathe that suddenly I’m meant to be reduced to these two simple states, single or not? Like really?

    People forget, we have experiences of trying in love and failing, and doing it all over again. It’s that process which matters, because sometimes the relationship is really an indirect route to refining our relationship to self more than anything. If at the end of the day, you can make the choice to remember and conclude that you are lovable, that’s the biggest win you can ever have beyond any single day designated for other people to prove it.

    Go to Paris, rent a sports car, bring a ball gown and lose all shame about flirting with Men, French or otherwise. Take a bite out of life FOR YOU, and pretty soon you might have someone coming along wanting to share that sweet little apple with you. Or not. Which doesn’t matter because you’ll be having too much fun figuring out how to do Leo Hair en breeze and leaving too many men wanting.

    • “It’s that process which matters, because sometimes the relationship is really an indirect route to refining our relationship to self more than anything.”

      totally! I’ve just learned this – that even (or often!) a fated love is not necessarily forever but for some opportunity to learn and ready us for the next – better – love relationship. Duh!

      know what you mean about the social expectations as well. don’t like to tell my family about dates, even if they’re exciting because they seem to think the next logical step is a wedding. It’s like dudes, we’re just checking each other out – just cause we met doesn’t mean this is your new bro-in-law…or that you have to be sad for me if it isn’t!

    • Lovely as always doll

      Yes, go to Paris. Go to Paris, Go to Paris,

      Drive the car and do it. Fantasy like that is to be lived. If that turns out not to be your best one then pick another one AND DO IT

      Love xx

    • Lovely words, FA.

      I too feel the ping of not being in a relationship on VD. For sure, it would be priceless to have a loving and fulfilling relationship. The hard thing about VD is that its just one of the giant messages those in power like to send out to make single people feel inadequate for being single, so you have to do a bit of work to deflect the BS. I’m sure that if society wasn’t telling us so often that single people are second class citizens, single people would not feel half as bad about not being single!

    • Yes! And really being single isn’t a disease, much as many would like us to believe. I’m not saying all marrieds or coupled are like this, but it always makes me chuckle when a clearly envious of my freedom shackled, cough, coupled person likes to make pitying comments about my being single.

      Like really? That’s the best you have? I certainly don’t feel the need to hold myself in higher esteem just because of my civil status. I think we’re all here how we are here, and each journey is unique.

  28. I’ll come clean, this year, i purcahsed for the first time ever, a product pertaining to VD for the Piscean ..

  29. Agree a thousand times over, Mystic. Manbeast and I have been cheerfully ignoring– and refusing to spend $$ on– Valentines Day (and Christmas) and prefer, instead, to do something sweet/romantic on a daily basis. Hallmark plays no part in this romance. I give him gifts whenever I happen to come upon something perfect and can cook up a feast when the mood strikes, but that may or may not land near February 14– and he does the same for me. A daily habit of thoughtful, romantic gestures is the secret to a fulfilled relationship, methinks.

  30. Well, I go on these past life/karmic benders for a bit…luckily they have been few and far between, and always I come back to my truest Valentine of all…God within me…

    As a child I told God “you are my truest love, the truest love I will ever know” and ultimately, even through the darkest night of the Soul, I return there, to Myself, and absorb myself within. That’s the greatest fulfillment..all else is a distraction quite frankly…

    Is that love easy to get? No, because you have to work thru your stuff, evolve and become enlightened (healed) to have it…

  31. “I’m mostly single, may never meet the dream man and may never drive through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in my hair (thank you Marianne Faithfull for that one- not)….”

    I went to Paris and did EXACTLY that….. and guess what???

    I’m still here and happily in Love – with a man and life!

    Granted, I was in Love with life before I came here… but there is nothing hard about booking a ticket and packing a suitcase with all the wonderful, dresses and outfits you wouldn’t dream of wearing… and POOP!….disappearing to Paris.

    There are people living in war zones with no electricity on this planet, others who have just been told by their doctor that they have a terminal illness, and even more people that work slavish hours to scrape by and meet responsibilities.
    You on the other hand are healthy, living in a first-world country and at least have an idea of what you do and don’t want out of life.
    Instead of logging on to email (and sigh) over not being part of the St. Valentines (mediocrity), why not tap those fingers away on booking flights and accommodation – and writing a note to yourself that you are not getting any younger and you are scrimping away any happiness that may be rightfully yours. Wouldn’t it be more chic that next time you sent an email here, it was to send a postcard back with a kiss on it…..?

    Go try.