Speed Genesis

One of the many weird things about this weird new era we’re in (and i think some of you might want to trust more me, as opposed to Mayans you don’t even know and certainly can’t email) is that the Chiron-Neptune-Saturn-Pluto Magical Alignment + the Zap Zone means that enlightenment is sped up.

Eg; If you want to transcend some crap, grow spiritually or evolve – it’s all right there for you, right now. But by the same talisman, should you dabble in dark arts, dipsomania, drugs, mating with Qi Vampires or any other form of delusional enchantment, the deterioration could be that much quicker. You know? Peeps are polarizing at the mo.


Image: Alex Cherry

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153 thoughts on “Speed Genesis

  1. Ok, I am listening! But I have to read everyone’s post to really understand! I just haven’t had time to stay in tune with the transition planets and how it relates to us! HOWEVER, I am still reviewing the Gemini blog.. I can’t believe how much I have learned. I wonder if it has “enlightened” me.. xo!!

    • bless you Ellie – you have evolved so much (well, it appears so from the blog!) – maybe time to let this guy go?!? I’m way older than you, and slowly learning to NOT waste time on going-nowhere ‘relationships’ – would hate you to waste as much time as I have over the years!! x x

      • SInce you have said it Quintile, i will agree as i have to zip every time she mentions him, as him being a loser flashes in neon. Error Error.
        How come we just ‘know’, huh? Ellie must bring out our inner mother πŸ™‚
        He’s spending too much time in your psyche and not enough in your presence, that is a sure warning sign, petal.

          • Ellie, its hard to let go, I know. May I suggest that you ask Archangel Jerimeal for a sign. U may ask him to come into your dreams if you like, just be open. Then ask archangel Azrael to heal your heart and help u move on. Good luck xo

            • Thanks you beautiful souls! I really appreciate your attention to this beating a dead horse story. I ask God all the time to give me a sign and he usually does. I was doing well with the “keep stepping” theory and then all of sudden I start thinking about him. That is when I say to God, Ok, I am falling. Please give me a sign as to how to proceed. My heart does not transfer very easily. I can’t explain it. I dont know if I still learning about myself and dealing with a self-worth issue or lack of. The Gem blog really opened my eyes about this since I have alway felt I wasn’t good enough {note: this has always been my story from family problems] so I guess I find men that make me feel that way. Maybe I need to go thru this “enlightenment” stage to get to the point where I say “fuq you I am done”… by my choice.

              However, I will consider the Angels you mentioned. xo!!

              • Ellie, please consider going to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Your heart and spirituality are strong, your self-awareness is not.

                I know it’s difficult, but stop talking about this guy and your feelings on the blog. It’s solidifying them, making them harder and harder to change. Sometimes, its actually not helpful to talk about things.

                You don’t need anyone’s approval here before you set goals for yourself and solve your personal problems. People here are wonderfully supportive, but they are not responsible for your life. You are.

                • Mitra.. you made me laugh. Those people don’t help. I am happy. Why do you think there is something wrong. I have a pure heart of love this guy. I am not waiting for him, planning a strategy to get him, chasing him, txting him.. nothing. I am just enjoying this great feeling of loving someone who needs to be loved. That is it. Fact: he is not in my life, he doesn’t call me.. so what. He knows I am a good friend end of story. But I will post here about him if I want. It’s know solidifying anything it is just a rant. Comments made are extremely helpful that assist in me managing things (ie. the Gemini blog).. Again, that thread was a huge eye opener. AND now that MM posted about “We are From the Future” what are the possibilities that I am in a relationship that is brand new to the universe. Single but in a hidden affair… why not! Psych/Psycolog… are a waste of my time. I have cured a lot more HERE than with an individual who bases their theory on data vs the person. Sorry!! xo!!

                  • That’s a pity you are not more open to psychology.
                    Much to potentially gain, I think.

                    I doubt there is anything brand new about being single and in a hidden affair or being obsessed with someone.

            • Hi Librgal.. Although I didn’t ask for these Angels to help me I had a dream last night about him. We were with our mutual friends all together. I got the feeling that we were all together because I was going on a trip. Maybe that is the answer.. I am leaving. ?? xo!!

              • Awesome! Whatever the answer is, I hope it brings you peace and happiness. A bright, safe and happy 2013 for you Ellie xo

            • The Virgo dailys for the weekend are a great big mind fuq. Just saying. My mind has done been fuqed to death already, but I worry about you Ellie thinking that Toro-Gem is worth your brain cells.

              Call on the higher powers and let that be enough. Blessings to you. πŸ™‚

        • Ellie – have been trawling through some old posts and in one the other day, you said you ARE spending time with him – is it possible that you are wanting it to take a conventional form when it is what it is, right now? (me: hopeless romantic torn between giving sage advice and wanting it to work out for you!)

          • Quin.. I honestly don’t know. I have just enjoyed our time together. I haven’t seen him since before Thanksgiving.. but I am fine with it. He has his Mother that he is taking care of since she just started her life over at 73. Big change for her and him. So, I let him go. I don’t know if I will hear from him and I don’t know if we would ever consider something more conventional. We had a good time together. I think we both get freaked out some times because we are not use to this. He doesn’t want a “gf” (Geminii) and I am not usre if I want something serious either. It’s up to him. But I am on the move doing my own thing. xo!!

  2. Yes ! Our time is now . No need to stay in the old way of being . Living closer to the Law . Swift transcendence Now it’s Happening Now !

  3. Oh hello to that! Me and my friend (who happens to be my man’s best friend and with whom I had the most messy but glorious ‘culmination of tension’ over New Year’s with) just finished meeting up and ending what-could-have-been, for the betterment of our friendship(s). Which is, while awesomely hard, the evolved and disciplined thing to do, I think.

    We’ve both been doing alot of evaluating over the past few days and it’s dredged up a whole haul of psycho-crap behaviours and attitudes that aren’t right for us as individuals anymore. It’s been a lot of accepting, letting go and moving on. And a fuq-tonne of green tea and yoga.

    Any suggestions for how to speed the growth, Mystic?

    • I’m not Mystic, but sounds evolved to me, you’re doing speed growth. Pat yourself on the back for making a hard, mature decision which will have the best outcome for all parties involved. It’s hard but ultimately the best so keep your head high, take a deep breath and get on with your awesome, there is a choice, there is always a choice. Read the scorping scopes for 2012 to 2015 and your starting out haute will put you in good stead for saturn in the sign of wisdom and fun, sagittarius

      • Thank you for the suggestion πŸ™‚ I’ve Libra sun and Pisces ascendant, so I’m totally up with Saturn (and Neptune) atm. Am now trying to tackle the murky horror that is Neptune. Oh goody.

        Onwards growth!

  4. addict avoidance systems are go. am not even looking sideways at the junkies on the street right now.

  5. Well, also there is the massive cue from one’s ability to sustain tolerations (approaching nil) for Qi Fuqers. Polarizing? OMG. Big Time. I lost it on Frugen #2 after he went on Hissy Fit Number 565 within the last three days, promptly abandoned the NY’s eve plans opting for alone time and was all the happier for it.

    Btw, being happier for it doesn’t mean I had no sadness for missing Frugen #1 but that at this point, starting the year as someone’s gimp just ain’t an option.

  6. Weirdly, insights have been dropping into my consciousness today in the middle of the most mundane tasks.

    I worked out, among other things, where my absurd sense of humour & speech comes from AND that I’ve been angry at my mother for years without realising it & also why.

  7. wait, no dark arts? but in february when pluto squares (from the 8th) my 5th house pluto he will also trine my 12th h pan. boooo… i was really looking forward to that. maybe just some deep deep grey?? πŸ˜‰

    • oh and my tarot card for the year is the devil. it may be interesting.

      actually i am gearing up to paint again. i have a 10×10 post-rape mess of a painting that i’ve been carrying around with me for 15 years. knew i would repaint it. it’s time.

      • i have to share this, it’s so amazing and personally evolutionary. so to get this painting i have to wade through the swamp of my lonely ex and his drama, and a box unexpectedly full of sentimental old clothes. so ok, emotionally loaded already. i’m convinced it needs to go above my bed, because of course this is the proper place for oil paints and their fumes, yikes. but whatever, mind is set. so i nail it up and smudge it with mugwort and sit with it… and it’s awesome. it’s raw and brave and meaningful and Art. it stuns me, so i sit with it for a good long time. and as i sit i fall in love with whatever badass chick made it because she is so honest and badfuqingasstastic and i tend to fall in love with artists over their work. so i fall in love with this totally out of control, insecure and wounded and freaking out 20 year-old artist. and she is me.

          • thank you! it’s hard to articulate what a sea-change it was. especially at 2:30 am and stoned silly… not so eloquent. but really it’s alchemical-plutonic to the max. excavating the blackest muckity-muck and finding that it has turned to gold. a yellow brick road of possibilities opening, and the possibility of owning the long-rejected out of insecurity and lack of self-love title of “artist.” just writing that brings tears of joy to my eyes.

  8. Totally. After months of apathy and mental/emotional/spiritual detoxing, it finally feels like a switch has been flipped. Currently doing my January detox, and already feeling more grounded and focused. Amazing.

  9. Yes, the internal need and pressure to evolve is intense. For me it’s noticing every time (if poss) my mind move out of total acceptance, yes, of everything. How could i ever experience the whole if i reject any part of it?
    But it is especially about doing that for me and the relationship with my life and self. Any time i notice thoughts that start to say, I’m not worthy (or any of it’s thousand variations) I stop and embrace and love this person even as he attempts to see himself as less than.
    I’ve had a life time of self loathing/hatred and fear and listened to those thought for so long…and sweetly now i seem to be able to use each thought movement away form self acceptance as my cue to apply love and acceptance. a strange sort of holding and rebalancing program seems underway much more pleasant than down ward spirals. the upward spiral? may take, perhaps a foundation for launch is being constructed within, a new sweet accepting rebirth.

    May we all find a wonderful and ever so kind new self for the new era.

    Blessings to you all, and special thanks to MM.

    • This is a very slow and deep process, so i’m curious – how long (ish) is the ‘lifetime’? I ask this because i grew up very precocious, yet feel i’ve been incredibly slow to mature in some ways that seem basic to others.

      And what astro factors do you think are being pinged for you? um, does your name signify any Kataka?

      • I am now 48, and yes I have felt like a child really all my life. Desperately attempting to have a facade of ‘Normal’, as good as, but never really feeling it. As I sift through the default settings of my psyche I can’t find a time when I felt ok about myself and life, examples of fear and insecurity are easy to find in the earliest years. I find the blessing of my life is that it has always been painful enough that I have always known I needed and have sought help. It has been an inch by inch process. I haven’t been able to relax into complacency. The rest of my entire nuclear and extended family are stuck with a puritanical fundamentalist belief system. I alone am not. I was recognised as the obvious blacksheep before 7yrs. So while it was very distressing as a child to not be able to fit in. (I generated a lot of self hatred/pity around ‘why can’t i be one of the “good” people’) I now see myself as the lucky one.
        I have both Venus and Mars + N.node in Cancer 6,9,and 0 degrees respectively. The Yod thing has been focused exact on the 8 degree Gem Ascendent.
        I’m Leo sun and feel I have never inhabited my sun, though it may be coming. The Scorping seems likely to be just what i need for another rebirth. It very much happened dramatically last time in the early eighties. Also Moon and Neptune in Scorpio have meant an intense inner life. Every year of my life has been better than the previous, and i can get being ‘born again’ as the metaphor for now coming into life free of
        Ancient default settings. viewing life and self sweetly instead of fearfully, having a sense of innocence instead of inherently cursed.

        • The way you have expressed the stage you’re at, BBB, is easy to relate to for me. After cutting loose from neg life at 16 and being professionally supported, getting back on track with studies, then onto a good career trajectory, i found myself about 10 years later heavy with deeper layers of stuff i had carried. i was astonished, after all that hard work on myself and my life, to find the old stuff still so potent, albeit in less and less external ways. Now, though, i wonder whether i would have carried patterns of myself unknowingly had i not been so tested. Rather than mourn my little girl self, i sort of feel as though i’ve been tempered (at times – i’m quite Mutable – so it dips in and out of regret and thanks).

          Thank you for sharing, and here’s to that sunny warm Lion energy powering your heart and shining through. I’ve known dark Lions who can’t cut through, and Sunny Lions who have weathered all sorts of storms. It’s a beautiful energy and i think you’ve got it – best wishes.

          • Yes, I’ve been astonished at the layering effect. As I’ve worked through one thing others have arisen, yes, deeper deeper and moving form external to internal. From concepts and words back to feeling tones. I no longer believe there is anything to mourn only aspects of self and necessary experiences to embrace on the journey from dualistic to whole.

            Thanks for your kind encouragement

    • Beautiful bbbaby… I love your words… And I am also interested in watching when I depart from acceptance and love… Thank you xxx

    • I don’t think healing accelerates the way wounding does. Where you can look back fully and go “wow” or unveil the New Me – the dramatic rebirth. How can you unveil the new you when you’ve taken the veil off, you know? Being born again doesn’t come with much fan fare, imho.

      The new reality is here and now for the brave and open hearted. Its an adventure happening now.

  10. I’m trying really hard with this but every time I hit a new stride forward the Aqua does something. I have finally deleted him and told him not to contact me again after what now is going in my book should it ever be written but I’m in serious danger of outing someone if I do so, trust me it’s shit. Lots of relationship stuff coming up right now though after such a low blow. I was just starting to feel good about myself again, beautiful even. Mission detach at warp speed. Not easy for a scorp who prides herself on love and loyalty.

      • I told my friend actually, the scorpio lawyer what went down re Aqua and he is backing me incase this needs to turn into a harassment and stalking lawsuit.

        • *Hugs* Ms ~ when lo-Aqua is lo, we’re really low. It’s icky. My own mother is an example, and she Qi-vamps everyone in her path.

          I have Pluto trine Sun, so have always been able to ‘cut’ people out of my life if they’re not serving me well … but it takes awhile to get there. Hopefully it doesn’t come to legal action. πŸ™

    • For what it’s worth Ms. you and Fallen Angel are my favorite writers here. Like a new school of Mystic.

  11. Unbelievable how accurate the weekly Pisces horoscope was for me on my return. After all the dark turns through hell’s corridors i feel immensely proud of all my family for holding together through some terribly vicious times, even though i almost cut them off years ago. Don’t get me wrong – it’s not all jesus wants us for a moonbeam – some things will forever be scarred, but i think we can live with it, raggedly and imperfectly and the love we have is totally strong. I’m still frightened by the madness and the deaths and the most recent near fatal addiction. I still have survivor guilt under layers of coping mechanisms that have been stripped away in recent years. I’m still stripping them away because i’m learning what they are. It’s as if i don’t know myself, but here, inexorably i stand, being myself. No signs of any of the lives i used to live, no mark of Cain. Managing illness while it’s curiously morphing means facing very hard truths about my habits and myself. It’s so hard to rest, yet good sleep is essential for health. Stripped of old friendship circles, yet often not wanting to see anyone, lonely but needing solitude, connecting in the strangest ways to people i would never have thought to connect with, and no more street life rushes with the fringe dwellers and giving my time to the marginalised. Like i have less to give, but simultaneously i need to be more open – can’t hide behind a friendly face, giving to the needy or even the undeserving. As if that wasn’t really me, yet i know it really was, and have to find me in a shrinking world. All the languages i learned and the adventures i’ve had and the articulacy that flowed – now i feel empty of the right expression, of conversation. I just want to listen. Take photos. Look at art. Wander and travel again. I want to be more and more emptied but i’ve dragged so much around i wonder whether i will be anyone when i have fully let go.

      • You’ve got it, Pegasus. I’m having that Neptune square Neptune transit. Along with Uranus transit applying, and Pluto transit separating. Thank you and Happy New Year to your lovely self xx

        • Neptune square Neptune is coming up for me along with Pluto square Mercury, opposed by Uranus, Neptune opposite Venus – preview of my 2013? All my ideals are under question. Had a dream the other night that I was traveling over the river in a rickety tram. At first it was scary. Second time, less so. Third time, my daughter was with me. I could see how shallow the water was. I went to a store with her and my ex husband and found all the clothes I had given away were for sale there. I thought “I traveled all this way to get the crap I gave away.”

          No. Uh hun. I don’t KNOW. I must leave it at that. And be.

          So many stories to choose from around here. So many very good stories to distract from Being.

          I’ve got to answers, love. Just love and happiness to have met you – virtual as it may be.

          • I’ve got “no” answers that is.

            Some time its time for contentment, yeah?

            Young Libran who calls me his guru sent me Jed McKenna’s books and pamphlets on relationships. Whatever. He’s made a lifestyle of the SEARCH. I’m done with that style. I’m here now. That’s all I know.

          • “Some time it’s time for contentment” – a good theme for 2013.

            I SO feel that story of seeing all the clothes you ditched! Heavens above, that would make me so irritated! Exasperated.

            I’ve had Pluto transit squaring Chiron, Jan 12 -Nov 13 (buried rage needs expression) plus Pluto square Merc, as my Merc-Chiron are conjunct by half a degree. Astrodienst says, “your ideas about the world in general are challenged significantly
            Your routine day-to-day interactions
            may develop into fairly intense encounters as you try to force your ideals upon others from a fanatical conviction of your own righteousness, or as others try to do the same with you. Once again the issue is knowing precisely what your limits are and what you really think. You also need to learn to allow other’s ideas to coexist with yours.”

            As a Pisces and 12th houser certainly whose thinking is whose and reflections of self in group and vice versa are all issues; but i’m also surprisingly stubborn about my beliefs, and most Pisceans actually are – that’s why we swim away from confrontation rather than argue – we’ll change them in the blink of an eye but won’t be forced into change by anyone.

            From what i know of you, 12HV, this will be a very interesting and intense time, or perhaps you’ll shoot right up like a flower with it. I think you’ll enjoy the mental challenge though it has its confronting moments (moments??? piscean understatement einsteinian/circular time πŸ™‚ )

            • Well, I know going into this transit that 1) I don’t trust anyone and 2) I have a hard time seeing when I am wrong because of #1. I’m sure I’ll have to have some good conflict enter my life if I am to sort the balance – someone to balance off of. Another thing I have only begun to consider is that my opinion matters to others. No matter right/wrong. Not everyone is a Virgo, lol. So, perhaps I should be more gentle in wielding it. We’ll see…

    • Beautiful post and v. Articulate Mille. Love living with it raggedly and imperfectly’…

  12. Hell yeah to the weekend astro and all up to 11/12. Jan. Still negotiating with the naughty guru about what’s in it for ME. Working 20 hours a week for what i can earn in 3 hours, unless my investment with this person comes to futition soon, i will reopen my own studio and focus on my financial health.
    So true ‘men don’t listen’ and yet women CAN read maps.
    ANyway we are having a serious heat wave, summer is now so scorching
    only mad dogs & englishmen go out in the noon till 6pm sun, physical work not advisable, it’s inside or in water at 45 degrees celcius:-/

    • Liquid lady genesis, keep cool winged unicorn in the river of dreams tonight. (Soz, high on chocolate)

    • Aw Pegs, so well put.

      After many walks and turning things over. no, my Venus in Toro cannot value the easy and light as far as sexually…it just doesn’t…unless just kissin’ and huggin…affection…companionship and a massage for a trade of oh, I don’t know, a gorge Toro with Aries Venus and Sagg Mars high with a bit of weed thrown in for good measure…lol

      I just live down the street babe, will keep you company…

      Lovely Andie! love to all…laying low for now.

      • Wait until he’s nekkid in front of you, Sweetie…lol.
        Guess what huggin & kissin lead to?
        It’s all conjecture until you are both physically present with each other and you feel the vibe then all will be revealed (so to speak).
        There is something so honest about being nude with someone.
        Who was it that said ‘to enter paradise you must be like children again’.
        As Margot Anand says ‘we spend so much time thinking about sex instead of practising it’, but then she is my generation of make love not war.
        You like games of chance so take a risk when you finally meet with him. A physical Vensusian Cowboy & a Mars ruled body working Ramzilla.
        Enjoy your weekend :-)x

        • Oh Pegs shush…lol (‘shush’ in Farsi means to go pee..lol).

          I seen all his business when I did his massage a year ago…

          😯 You know, when face down they gotta tuck it and such…lol

          Meanwhile, so lets re-cap the Cap Moon in 8th hang ups… lol

          Fuqer gonna take his triple Toro and Fire sign time to get back to me…It’s cool..Wouldn’t respect him if he appeared too needy…

          Have Snake rising in Chinese astro and bedroom eyes…he gonna be dead in the water…

  13. O M G finally, a breakthrough! After nearly 14 days of serious pretty much zombie behavior I GET IT!!! Yay! I think I knew deep down I was thinking crazed shit, but I had to purge through it to get to my final realization! Not worth wasting time on peeps who are never going to get my awesome! Phew! Glad I got it before I invested any more mental energy!!!!!

  14. I felt like I’d suddenly been revitalised and re-ignited this afternoon. It has been a terrible start to the New Year for us – my husband got Delhi Belly on New Year’s Eve, got dehydrated and collapsed late evening and I thought he’d died. Luckily (bit of an understatement, eh?) he came to and managed to get to bed, so we guess it was dehydration and the effects of the bug. Early New Year’s morning I got up for a cup of tea, slipped on a puddle left by our smallest puppy and had my third fall on the marble floor. And it doesn’t get any softer. Badly bruised my bum, left me with aches and pains. Then yesterday morning we got up and the two puppies had shredded one side of our leather sofa, luckily the shabbiest one. So last night out they went into the shed beside our home, peace and quiet, great night’s sleep and Eureka! I have been reading Julia Cameron’s book, the Right to Write, while I’ve been laid-up and recuperating, and just had a sudden breakthrough and felt energy pouring through me. I’ve always seen myself as writing one book, my autobiography, when something she said made me realise that I’m a writer all the time, not just for the book, and it was like stepping through a ring of fire and emerging the other side filled with fiery passion I’ve been lacking since we got back from the UK in October 2012. We’ve been up to our ears in puppies and kittens, but it’s as if that phase is over, and now I’ve been duly zapped into passion again. Wonderful!

    • That marble floor doesn’t get any softer? Thought it would be more pliable by now from your kneading it.
      Please design a pair of slip less shoes. Time for the dog whisperer to train your darling little piss machines, we do not want a ‘broken’ you.
      Exactly, you ARE a Writer already, your book is your blog
      it’s your autobiography.
      ‘Life with Brian’ playing in the background.
      A glass to 2013 ….clink x

      • Delhi Belly now has a different meaning if you read The Daily Mail. Horrific beyond words.
        The burning of the widow on the pyre in India was to prevent rape. I didn’t know that!
        Was in Delhi alone with a male guide from Kashmir in the 70’s. Had always thought Indians were vegan pacifists like Ghandi i guess.
        In very simplistic terms, the light is pushing the dark to the surface.

        • Isn’t it funny how the meaning of words like Delhi Belly changes? Yes, that rape and murder was awful, absolutely terrible, but isn’t it a sign of the changing astrological times that such a mass revolt about the position of women has broken out? I noticed that so many of the men protesting were young men, so I hope their outrage spreads eventually to the older generation of mean and the crumbling of the patriarchal society in India has begun.

      • Thank you for your words about my blog – light goes on, omg, I’m writing my autobiography already!!!!!

        The little darlings have been consigned to the outside shed after they had great fun ripping one side of our leather sofa to bits one night. Luckily it wasn’t our good sofa, just a rather shabby one we got on the cheap. If it had been our good sofa, I think they’re hides would have been hanging from the walls, as furniture here is terribly expensive. They now sleep outside at night and funnily enough Ziggy suddenly has become house-trained, Zoe was exactly the same, overnight virtually. As for Bryan, he woke up the day after his collapse realising the healing power of animals, since they all congregated around him when he was lying on the sofa feeling under the weather to keep him company and he realised he felt better afterwards. The light has gone on for him too, as he’s a great animal healer himself.

  15. Had a dream last night that some of the soliloquies in Hamlet were written to be spoken by a woman but couldn’t be performed that way at the time. Told young Libran I could help him more if he were looking for something real – like a job. Went from guru to propagator of the lie toute suite! Ha ha! It’s def getting high contrast.

    • toro mars gets stuck pretty easily, huh. but didn’t you just graduate? that deserves not only congratulations but a lot of well-earned down time. let yourself process for as long as it takes, at your and nobody else’s pace. xoxox

  16. I am very much feeling this well…..have had my interest in past lives study renewed with a great book I’m reading.
    Also…just want to say I love the image MM chose by Alex Cherry! I recently discovered this artist as he has a profile on the site I work for AND I personally just picked one of his designs for an art show I threw last month. πŸ™‚
    Love the synchronicity.

  17. The universe is showing me answers so fast it’s hard to remember everything so I’m hoping that the knowledge is just being asorbed. Today is dear departed beloved’s birthday and he showed me a very clear sign of his presence this morning. He’s always lending me a hand, errrr, rather actually a thought. I am so grateful for the help and I find that I’m smiling almost constantly these days. So far the Zapping feels revealing and fresh.

    • I think trusting in your power to absorb the Truth without spinning the story line to anyone is key to continued evolution and a sign of the times. I’m glad you have love with you.

      • And here i w as about to tell Ellie not to look at for external signs but to go to the body’s innate ancient wisdom for answers…..lol.

        • Well for some of us the body is pretty external, like a boat you sail in. A good sailor, like a good horseman, becomes one with the vessel.

          Mine has a ripped mainsail and the seams need caulking.

  18. Sometimes I think I’m processing at lightening rate… and then something happens to just spark that old flame of nostalgia or set off an old mode of reacting. Gah! I know that’s just how it is – but man. Sometimes I wish it was all a bit “Eternal Summer of the Spotless Mind” and the end of ego fueled actions.

    • Such a great description of what its like. Nostalgia tugs. That’s why I am such a fan of decluttering now. Anything can set off the old programming. So quiet and undetected, the little old feelings that linger around. And once you follow the tug, you’re back in the matrix going “wtf?”

      Only progress I can report is that the “wtf” moments seem to have lost their grip on me. The “wtf” storyline isn’t so interesting. The Ultimate Reality zone is way more interesting. Not sure its at all practical, but don’t particularly give a fuq about practical any more πŸ™‚

  19. Crash & burns are like editing yourself. We need them to re-evaluate what’s acceptable in our personal world & what to
    toss to the past.
    Think we are all peeling layers & layers of delusions & lies away from ourselves readying for……….something.

    • Cannot believe I am listening to this song today….

      Heard it at a mini mart gas station right before I met the Toro and posted it over a year ago..I believe…


      He let me play it on his stereo system over and over that first day we spent five hours together..He was Toro patient and Aries Venus restraint….But Chinese Rooster and Aries Venus cocky…

      It is not too far into the new year and must have patience for him to contact….I do…Cappy Moon to the rescue.

      But can’t wait to party with him again and do this one…lol


      Tropic of Scorp I’m thinking of you doll!

  20. Yesterday? When was that? Am living so totally in the now it’s blissful.
    Now all the flakey festivities are over, am going to buy me a bottle of French Champagne to celebrate my meditational retreat on non-celebration of Xmas & New Year.
    Something my Katakan grandmother said to me around 8 or 9 y o, when i wanted to do something she dis-favoured by using the ‘everyone else is allowed’. She replied:
    ‘Why do what everyone else is doing, besides, you are not everyone else’.
    Thanx Nanna for permission to be individual & a dance to a another tune.

    Yes, there is a higher frequency coming through fast, weaving around those who have done the work, those that haven’t will be affected by osmosis regardless.
    Believe in yourselves. Make well thought out choices. Shine on.

  21. “My heart does not transfer very easily.”

    Virgo Ellie, consider this: you don’t need to transfer your heart to another person. “He” is the one who has your heart currently because you know what you want and he is the closest man ‘energetically’ to your ideal at this time. “He” is helping you to clarify what you really want by what he ‘does and by what he fails to do’.

    Don’t waste your energy trying to get him out of your heart. Instead, focus on what you want in a lover. Think about the beautiful qualities that you yourself embody, think about all of the lovely qualities that you have seen in ‘him’, and then see your future, see the way in which all of this beauty will soon combine in a love that will make your heart sing. Think about what you want, feeeeeeeeeel it in your heart, meditate on the love that you are destined to experience until it brings tears to your eyes. Feel it so deeply that when you open your eyes, you are surprised at where you are sitting: you could have sworn that you were in his arms!

    MM’s beautiful insights into this new era connect perfectly to you, dear Virgo Ellie. You can have what you want, and quickly. Just keep holding the light of your love in your mind and in your heart, and before you know it, your true love will be looking into your eyes, celebrating the day that you found each other.

    Much love. xxx

    PS dear MM, thank you for this forum. Every success and happiness to you for 2013. xxxxxxxxx

  22. I’ve changed the way I look at friendships. I’m comparing two different friendship circles and how they affect me as a person and how I assert myself.

    It’s hard to put into words but I have Capricorn in the 11th house and a Capricorn moon with Mars in Aquarius. I hate how judgemental I am and how I can’t just be with people and socialise without my computer mind sussing out the situation, people, their relationships with other people, their thought process.

    I am starting to feel normal. Hard to explain .. hope this makes sense lol

  23. Well I’ve written, deleted, written and deleted this post in case it sounded like a self-pitying rant. Anyway here it is… not self-pity – genuine confusion. Feel free to ignore or give me brutal honesty. Apologies in advance for the length.
    I think I’m getting with the zap zone, evolving. Ended two relationships – my great (married) love and my long sterile marriage. Living in holding pattern at home til I get a job. Trying to be amicable, but keep getting hit by unpredictable waves of rage then tears about the wasted years. I feel so much anger, I had no idea. Turns out EVERYONE thought he was gay and nobody said anything to me, not even when I tentatively raised it years ago with a couple of besties. I really, really want to end it properly and leave the house, be free. But I’m being practical for once in my life, a la Saturn in Scorp in my 3rd, building foundations. But really, it’s living without breathing. I hate it.
    I guess my question is, how do you know what the right evolutionary step is? I am starting the next big section of my thesis and I just can’t face it. Months and months of stress ahead. I have no energy. No enthusiasm. I have no time up my sleeve, the uni is pressuring me to finish. Is it evolved to say, ‘sorry I just can’t do this’ and move on? Is it evolved to keep going to finish what I started regardless of how long or how stressful it is?
    There’s no job at the end. At the mo it’s the vague hope of something one day. It’s like a bad gameshow. If I leave now I take my almost complete creative work, and the feeling that my deepest fear came true: I always suspected I wasn’t good enough to finish. How do I live with that? If I hang on to the end, I take the piece of paper and the title and the possibility of something down the track. But how do I live through the stress of all this, plus ending my marriage? Most of last year I spent at Bar Neptune, but I’ve signed up for Grand Earth Trine boot camp 2013 and so far so good. Let’s just say two nights this week sans booze is progress.
    I journal, I dream-diarise, I feng, I astro and tarot, and I look inside my heart and I see no answer. I try to do the right thing but I am so fuquing miserable most of the time I begin to wonder how much more joylessness I can actually endure. I know that’s why I still miss my lover so much.. it was the last time I felt any real joy.
    I do have a sensible plan, but all I really want to do is blow up my life and walk away without a backward glance. Would that be a speed genesis or yet another fantasy? I have good support, impermanent but enjoyable work, so much astro on side, sextiles and trines of outer planets, powerful transits up the wazoo. I know it’s up to me, but how do I know what to do?
    Sigh. Thanks for listening.

      • Thanks Gemyogi. x

        I’ve just read this back and thought, ‘fuq – tedious, whiny and self absorbed’. If I spent as much time doing the dratted work as I do whining about it, I’d probably be done by now!

        • Nothing wrong with having a good whine occasionally, as long as you take action. And also I don’t think loving anyone even the ‘wrong’ person is wasted time…

    • Dear Chrysalis, I have been miserable in a 20 year marriage, feeling like I had one foot tethered and was hobbling around and around in circles. A lover brought joy into my life even though I didn’t love him as I had my husband and there was no expectation of ever being together. I desperately searched outside of myself an answer but eventually my soul told me what to do. It wanted me to flourish.
      Here are a few thoughts on your post:
      * remember you’ve been in the marriage a long time and it may take a long time to process the end of it
      * not everyone just severs and moves on to the next thing quickly
      * follow your gut/passion
      * ask the question and meditate until the message pops into your head
      * you can’t think clearly or get in tune with your inner self if you’re fogged by alcohol, which is also a depressant, so good to hear you’re reducing that
      * talk it to a wise person or counsellor. verbalising the pros and cons with feedback can help make things clearer.
      Best wishes.

        • Chrys dear – I agree with River that it will take a few ups and downs to fully process and move on – I find that when I make a big decision, rarely is it a big sweep of change but usually something has to be dismantled, the space felt, then the new thing constructed. All with the strongest bloody guts you can muster. You have actually come so far its amazing – over the months you have achieved huge things. Are you sure you have exhausted all possibilities of an extension on the PhD? I got a month (to be taken at the end of candidature) when I had my mid winter meltdown. I reckon do finish it if you can – just start really small like 25 mins per day listing what needs to be done. Of course you are exhausted, its been a total rollercoaster (and that’s just from the perspective of a spectator!) – and its not indulgent either, its a good chance to analyse where you are at x x x

          • Thank you so much quintile xxx

            I think I will ask the uni to give me some more time, and see what happens.. it’s blatantly obvious that I have to change something, and I have nothing to lose at this point. Also I could look for a house-sit so I can begin living alone. Rent here in the west is stupidly prohibitive and I don’t want to hurt him or myself financially in the long run… I am too old for chucking it all in and hoping for the best πŸ™‚
            You’re right re the 25min strategy. I tend to angst at the beginning of things. Thanks, you’ve inspired me xxx

            • bless – have posted again below about PG admin stuff. House sitting is a good idea – they love single ladies and you often get a good place, animals if you like and at least in the east, its usually 3 months minimum – there are agents over here you do it

    • Suggestions/Questions – just putting it out there. There’s no judgement. Just rational observer.

      I’m not going with the evolution angle, I’m going practical. I’m pretty sure none of Darwin’s subjects were thinking about the big picture when they were evolving. They just responded to change as it happened. Thinking about the evolution is a pretty in the head way to deal with what seems like a situation that would benefit from a practical approach.

      I see three causes of stress. any of them on their own would be hell. Marriage ending, financial stress preventing movement away from the marital home, thesis/study pressure.

      Ending the marriage you already have under control – is scorpio on the cusp of your 4th by any chance?

      Are you in a position to agree between yourselves to sell an asset/insurance policy so you’re financially able to remove yourself from the environment that is bringing up these feelings for you so you’re able to focus on your thesis and hunt for permanent work? There is nothing wrong with having these feelings but being forced to stay in an environment that triggers them is possibly not so constructive considering you’re trying to finish a thesis etc.

      Are you able to apply for 6 months study leave on health grounds? This is a health issue. There is no doubt in my mind about that.

      Does the Post-Graduate Association provide any emergency housing or financial assistance for students in situations such as yours?

      Are there any social security mechanisms you can call on to provide you with financial assistance to enable you to move?

      When a transit is difficult it can help to look to the house opposite for the answer or way out. So look to the 9th.

      I’m sorry I have no prior knowledge of your situation because this is the first post of yours that I have read, not sure why I chose today… but I’m sure there are ways for you to remove yourself from at least one of your situations so you’re able to better manage the others. I highly recommend study leave and what with the 9th house being opposite your 3rd it makes sense that the way out could be via your institution. Communicate with the powers that be to see if they can assist you in any way.

      Good luck soon to be butterfly x

      • Thank you so much for these thoughts, Anonymous, this really sheds new light. Yes Scorp is on the cusp of my 4th.
        I haven’t dared ask at uni for more time off but after reading your comments I realise I have nothing to lose by asking. I know that something needs to shift. I could also investigate house-sitting. We are amicable at home but it is very, very hard for me. Again I feel I am carrying the emotional burden as I have done the whole marriage.
        Bless you for taking the time to offer your insights, this really helps me xx

        • Their ultimate goal is for you to succeed lovely – I am pretty sure you will be given some breathing space if you ask. These things you’re dealing with are huge. They’re human too x

            • that’s true and what’s more Chrys – they do not get your scholarship money or brownie points until you ‘complete’ – I know coz I’m an academic!! Its totally in their interests to get you over the line and if your supervisor is not sympathetic go to PG co-ordinator and then the Dean of PG studies.

              • Thanks quintile, this is good to know. My supervisor has been fantastic, others up the food chain less so, but I have nothing to lose by asking them for support. xxx

                • your supervisor has to lobby for you – and they are the one who do not get the ‘completion’ credit if you don’t finish – uni gets the $$ LOL. I got passed by 2.5 year review just before Xmas BTW and that went well – you doing practice led or full? you did tell me I’ve forgotten

                  • Oh well done I was wondering how that had gone. I’m doing practice led, 80/20 starting exegesis hence stress

                    • ok – so you need to write about your practice – do you have good exemplars or precedents to review?

            • Hahaha you obviously don’t know my uni, lol πŸ™‚
              Thankyou, I needed to laugh!!

              • This comment was to Anon above – apologies to any human academics posting at the same time x πŸ™‚

    • Hey if your post is about you and you’re tired of where you’re at of course it feels whiny and self absorbed to YOU. BE LOVED…by us…just where you are now.

      You sound TIRED, Madam. Too tired to think, too tired to decide. Holy hounds i know that feeling so well. But i also know that any woman who has sustained and supported a man & a marriagewith that going on, had the passion to pursue love where she found it if impermanent or impossible, is one hell of a woman to be reckoned with.

      No wonder your buddies didn’t say anything :). None of mine ever fronted up to me until afterwards. Maybe friends also see more clearly in hindsight, only they don’t realise.

      Pardon me for saying but i really do know what i’m talking here: alcohol is a depressant. But seems you also consume it reguarly enough to make cutting back a depressant as well. (Please get: no judgment – Piscean here! Lived it long time.) Stay on the cutback path, please Chrysalis. Best up those alc-free days to more of your week. Toughest first 3-4 weeks but that’s not long really.

      BTW noone knew my ex-h was gay (bi? so closeted it hurts?) so it’s opposite. Through our sex i helped him explore it so he had a safe base. He has since remarried a MUCH younger woman than i was even, and noone knows his desires. His lust for my good friends blew up my male friendships. I was loyal to him. It’s strange to speak of it here and now, as i guarded his secret all these years. He took the home i paid for myself, and tried to savage my rep. The anger and the rage and the feelings of waste do re-haunt at times but it’s quicker to get over them. The best trick is to say to myself, ok pretend you have the house back and all your investments and the money you spent supporting him over a decade…but you are stuck with him.

      Shiver, shudder. How wow is the now! Yes, at my age, no security but FREE. Scarred in battles, left with addictions and stories that would make hair curl if i told them, but MOSTLY i’m happy. I saved ME. Now i’m making of myself a woman to be adored and loved (i always have been but this time i want a very different person who i’m sure will rock my socks off).

      Lady, you need a break, true balm and time to restore yourself to your own capable hands. That thesis is not about a job at the end. It is what you said a creative work. You know that is a process, and if you have nothing left to give to it, you can still own that process. It might be good to finish it but that will also be a lonely road, a solitary work. Taking a job instead will bring more human contact. Which sounds better?

      • You are giving heart to yourself & others, Millie.
        We experience compassion before we can give it, and you give it in boat loads. Getting it & giving it is love.
        Baptism by fire much?

        Let’s go dancing. It’s Sat night.

      • following this thread mille and reading your post has also given me strength and insight – thanks dear!!

        • Re my exegesis…yep, I have good resources and lots of ideas. An early night, a long beach walk in the morning and then straight to work, I think. x

      • Blessings to you Mille, for your generosity and fearlessness.
        So you know something of this road. Wow.
        My hub is so repressed he cuts himself off from all closeness. He hasn’t wanted to be with me in years. He thinks he hides it, but it runs him. He’s got to the point where he refuses to see our gay male friends anymore. (Scorp rising, w Neptune rising and an 8th house moon. The man practically invented secrecy). In the end it’s not about a label, it’s about how emotionally starved I am prepared to be.
        I hear you on the hooch, Mille. Point taken xxx
        You are right. I am absolutely exhausted right down to my bones. I just need simple joy at the mo – the beach, laughter, meaningful connections.
        Your words have helped me more than you can know. Thankyou xxx

    • oh chrysalis darling, i can feel your pain and anguish radiating off the page. sending you so much love and holding space for you to just be. i have no answers, just the observation that you are perhaps fully embodying your name here and in the fully dissolved into goo. it’s a longer process than we imagine, isn’t it!?! hugs and rainbow light… and also, sometimes fully blowing up your life IS the sensible plan. waves of rage are a message. externals like home, job, friends, stability… these are all just covers for the core soul-journey. which pluto+ grand earth trine will uncover… slowly, excruciatingly… oh god more hugs for you. xoxox

      • Thanks for your compassion HDQ. I’ve had a good look at my transits and as with most of us, there is a lot going on. Saturn is within 5deg of my IC and will then oppose my Jupe in Taurus in 10th. Chiron is conj my sun/Merc/Saturn in 7th, and Neptune is close enough for me to be feeling it. Pluto is almost on my moon/Lilith/Eros/Juno/Vertex conjunction in the 5th. I am not that good at the subtleties of astro but I get that all the outer planets are hitting on my major points and that seems to call for authenticity and skin-shedding.
        In an aha moment I realised It’s not that I don’t have choices, just that all of them seem to require more bravery than I feel I have. Talking it through here has really helped tho’. My irl friends are fantastic but everyone is so invested, you know? xxx

        • Chrysalis – I’ve just popped in on the end of this, but I just wanted to say that some years ago I conducted a course called “Live Your Dream” at a Women’s Health & Sexual Assault Centre. I was so full of admiration for the women who took part, they’d been through great hardships, some had financial difificulties, but NONE of them would go back to old, stale situtations because, by taking action and caring for themselves, they got their self-esteem, self-love and integrity back. So take it easy, step by step,and remember all those who’ve taken similar steps before you and not only survived, they THRIVED, my lovely, they THRIVED.