Who Is The Ghost-Bolter?

couple with black panthers

Hey we’ve talked about Love Zombies at length and there are weeks when the Horoscopes become like a non-stop Qi Vampire alert lol.

But what of the (usually) male version of the tends-to-be-female Love Zombie?   Let’s call him the Ghost-Bolter. 

As in he bolts at the slightest hint of a theoretical change in the astrophysics of the day. And then it is as if he was a ghost. There remains but a slight tinge of strange aftershave in the air, maybe a cryptic text message, a slight disturbance of the molecules.

Despite protestations of love/lust, non-stop pestering you, actual plans even – the Ghost Bolter has disappeared into another dimension. One where the only communication occurs by telepathy, if that.  Dude has supernatural skills for sure.

Nobody knows if Love Zombies contribute to Ghost-Bolters or if it is the other way around.

Some Ghost-Bolters even remain present and correct in the relationship but for all intents & purposes, the Ghost-Bolter has in fact gone already. You might fear that it’s a version of dementia and sprinkle drops of ginkgo biloba in his wine or insist he sees a medic but in fact he’s just a Ghost-Bolter. He’s off roaming the astral plains,  leaving you the form of his physical self.

Love Zombies & Ghost-Bolters sometimes attempt to mate, with predictably hideous results. Love Zombies feel that all relationship problems can be solved by stalking, voodoo and understanding the karmic implications of their one night stand seven years ago. Ghost-Bolters prefer a more existential approach; being Not There. 

Astrological Indicators of Ghost-Bolters – they’re more likely to be mutables; Virgo, Gemini, Pisces, Saggo and/or with tricky Mars, Mercury, Uranus aspects. Aquarius men are Ghost-Bolters but they bolt back in again the moment they sense your interest wavering. You genuinely don’t give a fuq anymore? There will be Aquarius, at your door in the dead of night, with flowers picked from a field in another dimension.


Image: Rikka Sormunen – Empire Of Seduction

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155 thoughts on “Who Is The Ghost-Bolter?

  1. I just which I knew what time my ghost was born at. He is a Taurus?Gemini cusp but I feel that he is a Gemini so his ghosting away makes sense. He freaks when we get close. The poor soul, I really think he is a very sad soul. Crap.. I wish he would break out of it. He doesn’t deserve to beat himself up anymore. But yes he falls into this category.

    • I was just thinking of a Taurus with a very near/early Gem rising. Super ghost bolter AND Saturn retrograde.

      • Hi Virgo Cat.. interesting if you are a Virgo too. Love this spirit if he would be able to open up. However, after reading a lot of the posts I think i can be a ghost-bolter too. When I get insecure I hide or I throw in some words that tell him to walk. Hmm…

  2. Ha, funny. I seem to have an eye for the ghost bolter. Yes, aquarian and pisces bits, or a tricky Mars. I also think them having Mars square Venus is a good indication. With some crappy Saturn aspects thrown in for good measure, and something quite earthy so you can pretend they are just taking a long time to make a decision.
    Or maybe I just have an eye for men with issues…
    At least the current one disappeared in a cloud of innuendo and mixed messages, the previous one used to disappear mid mundane organisational conversation (Aqua mars that one … hmmm)

    • agree with you very much on mars sq venus being a factor

      and a tricky mars, say, in cancer

      • oh yes. I reckon the recent bolter has Mars in Cancer square Venus in Aries.
        He really did disappear in a cloud of innuendo about desiring but not being able to take a beating, and a competition that I apparently won.
        Very funny, although kinda annoying too. I’d at least like to collect my prize …

        • do we know the same guy, Anon?

          mine had grand water trine, so he had a maj qi vamp thang going on.

          pisces moon trine cancer mars… so he was one of the candid ones, too! although trine scorp/neptune rising… so great at telling you what you want to hear..

          the worst.

          • I don’t know MM about the aqua men rebounding on you just when you’ve lost interest. Is that really universal or just the aqua ghost bolters in your personal romantic past?

    • Oh yeah agree about the earthy aspect. My ghost Bolter had Venus in Taurus but Aqua mars. Must check the Venus sq Mars.
      I think I might be a ghost Bolter 😯 moon in Saggo square Uranus and Venus square Asc

      • Ha, yes. I’m sure there’s a bit of like attracts like with me too – floppy floppy pisces moon and all 🙂

    • disappearing during mundane organisational conversation…Aqua Mars…. I can sort of relate to that. You have to get them at a time when the Call To Freedom And Revolution is not ringing in their ears. I don’t know when that is. Mundane organisational conversations must be kept very brief and with clear resolutions at the end that do not constrain Mars in Aqua’s freedom in ways that do not suit them.

      I could be making all of this up but it seemed right at the time.

      • Nah, he was just a shit communicator.

        Anyway, off topic, though it does also make me feel a bit ‘oh whatever’ to the bolters, but two quite stressful things have finally resolved themselves today, one very new and potentially catastrophic, and the other one of those low level things that you try to pretend are nothing but really that chip away at your self esteem until you start to forget who you are.
        Both gone, no catastrophe.
        Thank fuck!
        I’m having a celebratory drink to me which I’ve not felt like in ages and am somewhat presumptiously announcing all of this here because I know some of you will care.
        I may even start being me again. That’d be exciting.

  3. Yes! We have a new category! Met one. A Leo. Got similar reports of his Ghost-bolter-y activities from multiple other women. As in, come on strong, call repeatedly for a week, then….*poof*…nothing.

    • Yep, I’ve come across the Leo version of the Ghost-bolter too!!…
      Exactly the same experience, but he was really over the top for a period of 2 months solid…
      It was all… “Carino (spanish for honey or darling), you have a house waiting for you in Spain, Mi Casa Su Casa. I bet we’ll just make love all the time and never fight.
      un abrazo muy fuerte, ah!!! y un beso también.
      (Loosely translates to a very strong hug & kiss.)
      … & then…*poof!*…nothing.

  4. Funny, I’ve been involved with an Aquarius Ghost-bolter going on 25 years now.

  5. Oh, lawd. I’ve had two Pisces men in a row both give me (somewhere between a week and a month in) this identical line: “Just to let you know, I might disappear.” The first was gone within a week of the announcement; the second one just made his pronouncement yesterday, so I’ve yet to see it unfold. My previous mutable partner was a Gemini, who gave me the warning shot, “I’m just not sure I’m ready to commit …” — two years later, he still wasn’t sure. Mutable ghost-bolters … and may I submit that Pisces men are the worst?

    • Maybe there’s a positive side – at least they show you their red flag upfront and straight away? 🙂

    • Haha.. a candid Ghost Bolter – they warn you they’re leaving. I had one of those. He was Gemini. On our first night together he said “just letting you know I’m not a safe bet”
      Then he calls from the airport telling me he was listening to some tunes and thinking of me…

      • I was an upfront announcing-bolter once. Gemini moon et al. But Aries lover took the announcement in stride, which relaxed me enormously. I stayed, heavily committed, for three years.

        • This is my big debate (between your advice & Pi’s, below): let it pass like no big deal? (my current strategy … in fact, I must have come off really chill because the announcer felt compelled to repeat his announcement later that same evening, like I hadn’t heard it the first time) — or say In that case, friend, we’d best part ways?

          When he brought back “yeah, so, I might disappear” for the second time my counter was “oh. So what do you mean by that exactly?” He fumbled around to an answer that I can’t recall, I think because it wasn’t really an answer; I said, “Oh, ok” like he had explained himself perfectly.

          … This was Sunday night and he has texted and emailed 3 times since then, so here’s hoping I’m on the right track!

          • This isn’t directed at you specifically, but at everyone who’s written similar things about “using the right strategy to keep them around”. Why do you want to? Why are you willing to agonise over strategy? Surely if it’s right, you want to be with them and they want to be with you? It makes me sad and baffled to see people (usually women) disrespect themselves in such a way. They either want to be with you or they don’t. It shouldn’t be that hard, or require “tactics”, surely?

            And I hate to say it, but all these responses about “he bolts for this reason or that- it’s astrological, or his own trauma, yada yada…” Maybe he’s just losing interested because you’re investing too much and overthinking it and he can sense it.

            This isn’t said in an effort to be harsh or hurtful, it really isn’t. I just wish people could hear themselves when they make excuses for partners who for whatever reason aren’t all that present. Doesn’t make them bad people (as I’ve said downthread, I could be seen as a GB myself) but if you’re not getting what you need, surely you’re debasing yourself by jumping through hoops?

    • I suspect that if you heard that line and then responded, “In that case, don’t bother contacting me again”, you’d hear from them again.

      I don’t know who to attribute this quote to but it rings true:

      “The first time someone reveals themself to you, believe them.”

      • This is one of my fave quotes although I know it as: when someone shows you who they are believe them. This gem comes from….Dr Phil lol

  6. can def see how he might seem like “too much” . . .

    how many actual squares, oppositions, conjuncts have y’all got going there?

    • Anyone with a Scorp Venus is too much. Hehe. And this is coming from a Scorp

      • my scorp venus is conj saturn…
        repressed and it’s too much 4 ME

      • Yes: the Scorp Venus is *always* too much.

        That wasn’t hoodoo, dazed: probably he was just eating breakfast. lol

        • Ew! Sorry, dazed. I meant no offense: see, I’m a Scorp Venus (conjuct Sun, even), so I was goofing on account of that.


  7. Indeed, Bolters are the correlative to Love Zombies, based on the” use” paradigm. LZ’s love to be of use, which is why they are always THERE, like a PA who can’t accepted s/he has been fired. Bolters leave once the person is no longer of use. No real mystery there.

    • I think also there can be this type of attraction/dynamic:

      LZ wants to have someone take care of them, wants a knight in shining armour. They may have been completely strong and independent before the relationship, but that all changes once they pair up

      GB wants to take care of someone and have someone feel dependent on them. Eventually they start to feel resentful and smothered so they bolt.

  8. One can respond with something like this.

    “Oh, that’s okay, my true love is on his way anyway sometime next week
    I can just FEEELL it.”

    You put your hand on your heart and you say, “But it was SO nice to meet you.” Then you give a wink and shut the door. You go inside and heat up some fabulous apple pie.

    Or, say, “Well don’t tell me silly that you might disappear, then it won’t be a surprise. Sheesh.”

    Or, “Okay so tell me NOW what you liked about us so I can write it in my diary, a memorable quote, anything…”

    You interrupt mid sentence and say you just remembered something important and take off. Even if it’s your place.

    You are an intuitive lady so you can third-eye see this coming so you take an aromatherapy bath, mist on some Take The Wind Out of His Sails eau de parfum perfume squeeze into some coloured skinny jeans and a designer sweat shirt, take a pause long enough to light a cigar after he finishes talking, take a drag and say, “Em, yeeaahhhh…”

    Or, you can just BREAK up with him first !

    • 😆 love all these!! Especially the part about leaving even if it’s your place 🙂

    • Ahhhhhh…. The Ambiguous Aquarius Adventure….
      Broke it right off after 6 months of stop/go whiplash and vertigo inducing roller coaster of mind/heart fuqing games.

      Radical Detox is the only way with the Grand Purge of all numbers emails and telepathic connections.

      Practicing my “dead stare through his corporeal form” look or should I beam a gorgeous noncommittal smile at him as I’m walking right past with nonchalance?

      Oh yeah: I was once also snared in the net of a Roaming Ram but it took me a little longer to disentangle.

      Note to self: a fag, slim jeans and designer sweatie to really sink the boot into that hipster crotch 😉

  9. AhahahaHa! I have me one of those..or at least am trying to lol. What do you do with them? How are they to be caught? Can they be?
    I usually do to him what he do to me. But then again…. I may BE one also which is probably why I finally stopped disappearing on him; I realized he’s not a fatal aka love zombie like all the others.
    We both have aqua rising, and strong gem, virgo/pisces energy going on

    Great post! This really got my wheels spinning

    • Listen to my wisdom, girl: they can never be caught unless you can wait until they age disgracefully and realise they are going to die alone unless they capitulate their old ways.
      By then they are old, weary, and not anywhere as captivating and you are happily ensconced with a worthy man, a woman, or a couple of cats and a team of ace grrlllfriends.

      • Think that has nailed it completely! You always see these types giving women such shit until they start to age. Honestly who needs an old git .

      • Heehee! Nicely illustrated 🙂 I dreaded an answer like that..You seem to have nailed it below also about them needing to “bolster thier flaccid egos”

      • …but the suckers are out to capture your heart to bolster their flaccid egos, and they ARE exceptionally effective in this task thus often succeed.
        Unfortunately, that’s when we stop having fun and start feeling like a Marlin hooked on the end of a fishing rod of a fisherman..

        • However, if one remained totally aware of the situation and did not bite then yes, loads of fun could be had 😉

          • 😉 That’s the trick. Remaining aware of what’s going on. Easier said than done sometimes though in this case VERY necessary. Once you’re caught on the hook it’s not so easy to eradicate yourself. Interesting you used a fishing analogy jomad. In my case one of these ghost-bolters was a Pisces so your wordage was quite relevant 🙂

      • I agree with with everyone here. I just finally accepting that with my guy. But The Empress is also right. Don’t get attached expecting things and enjoy the time with them and it is a blast. Very sad but on the flip side a lot of fun.

        • I agree Virgo Ellie; it is kinda sad. The wanting things to be different when they’re never going to be no matter what you do. To me people grow. Some people however don’t and a number of these are the ghost-bolter types. Was it you that I read about recently who’s guy didn’t want to commit after 4 years? Sorry if I’m getting confused. Trying to remember who it was and the astro involved.

          • Hi Empress.. not that wasn’t me. I read that one also but provide the name who posted. One of my questions about these “ghost beings” is “do they ever feel guilty?” or “are they so immune to feeling their actions that they never know?” I would think that most of us would react with angry, sadness feeling like a victim when they walk but do the GB’s really know what they are doing. ??

  10. i’m not convinced these two archetypes are gender specific. seriously. historically i was far more likely to bolt than zombie – ‘the still there but not really’ is when you’re putting on a brave face thinking how the fuq am i going to get out of this one without some kind of embarrassing scene? The answer is go to a restaurant where etiquette prevents projectiles/yelling and pay the bill as you leave so they don’t have yet another reason to stalk you. I attracted some chronic man zombies. Always thought I was the ONE. Inappropriate marriage proposals galore. Marriage proposals at the very moment I’m planning to cut and run – that was when they were most likely to occur. As if they sensed my energy dissipating and wanted to trap it. Awful. For the record yes strong uranus, a stellium in virgo and gemini ascendant. so your astro signature is bang on but the gender thing I question. These scenarios are all about projections right? I think anyone who had a childhood is capable of projecting.

      • I get what you are saying. Bolters bolt because, Love Zombies are having a relationship with a projected image. It doesn’t feel good to be talked at and told what to do.
        I am a bolter!

        • Yup – it’s not really you they’re with. And you know it but they don’t. They just want to be in love. It’s not their fault. It’s human and I always had empathy for it but never saw it as my job to help them work through whatever it was that made them think I was that person. Just knew I had to go. I never did the protestations of love or pestering though so I’m not 100% bolter. I don’t think I ever said I love you to anyone – maybe one person – until I met the aquarian. I would never say it unless I meant it.

        • and I don’t think the projectors are necessarily wrong about what they’re seeing I think they see aspects of who you are and then amplify them – like some kind of dreamy kaleidoscopic vision of a person – fragments. So they’re in love with only a portion or a shard of your entirerity (is that a word?).

    • I agree with non-gender specificity…. I did identify with a number of those ‘ghost-bolter’ attributes. Mind you have been through a few LZ phases too so, yeah , time and place… am more inclined to bolt if the other person is too keen before I have even begun to make my mind up about them. But I have never been the recipient of a marriage proposal, not ever! I don’t know if this is a good thing / bad thing / meh thing.

      • yes! too keen too soon is the thing that always did it. That feeling of suffocation when you know someone feels way more into you than you are about them. It always seemed more humane to cut the tie sooner rather than later. If they’re already in way deeper than you think you can ever be.

    • Totally agree re gender specificity. Although ‘culturally’ stereotypes of masculinity and feminity can tend to fall down those simplistic lines.
      I expect my tendency toward those less inclined to cling is as much about not then having something clinging on as I disappear out the back door. Or you know, not really having to let your barriers down.

    • Yeah, everyone bolts sometimes. They have different rhetorical styles when doing so, but its not a gender thing. Enjoying the fantasy of who-someone-may-be-if-only-if-when is a form of bolting from something or even someone else in your life.

  11. Ghost- Bolters “disappear” to a place called The Middle Distance where they can pursue abstract thoughts which are quite divorced from human reality.

    Whilst IN The Middle Distance Ghost-Bolters exhibit an expression as per the above pic.

    Don’t worry they will be back soon to report their findings.

    Remember this….because they really do want to share their otherworldly travails with you but lurking beneath is a fear that you will not be able to understand what they are saying.

    So more than not they say nothing (hence the dementia vibe)

    Love them.

  12. I think my Venus square Uranus (maybe Gem rising too?) makes me a bit of a female Ghost Bolter. The nano-second I sense the slightest hint of clingy, suffocating, adoration type stuff that I can’t fully reciprocate, I’m so fuqing out of there. Exit, stage left…

    Having said that, I’m just as capable of being a love zombie on the receiving end of a Ghost Bolter. In my early 20’s I fell head over heels with a Pisces/Sagg Rising Ghost Bolter. The fuqer chased and wooed me for years and when I finally succumbed to his advances, he went all existential on me.

    Ghost Bolting makes me think of Hole’s Violet song “They get what they want, they never want it again”…

  13. I can certainly be a girly ghost bolter. I adore flirting but if I get a hint of a guy that likes me too much, I just turn the other way. I am guilty of ignoring them, or perhaps getting too cozy and backing off. Whatever, I like the thrill of the chase better! I blame my Aqua moon, mars in cancer, venus trine neptune/venus opposing pluto, ect.

    • any gemini in there, AriesVirgo Rising? not that you need it for an explanation when you have aqua moon. =)

      • lol true to that aqua moon. My friend – Pisces Sun and Aqua moon…. ahh you get the picture 😉 Commitment phobe

      • No Gem in my chart, though I do adore their quick, witty intellectual style..

  14. Is there a magic wand to transform a clingy, whingey, codependent Scorp (fixed signs and condependence ugh) who is perpetually in crisis (or thinks they are) and insists on hanging around, into a ghost bolter? Or should I just leave the country?

    • If you don’t want to leave the country you might need to hire a hitman…

    • Try Firm consistent boundaries, then the police, before leaving the country =) ( You can legally ban people from your house and presence you know)

    • Stop wearning deodorant, dress like a dag start smoking, boozing and swearing that should get rid of him.,,,,

  15. I think I may be a female ghost-bolter. I check for exits when I step foot in an establishment, or relationship. This could be my boredom threshold is low and the need to feel free overwhelming.
    I usually hook up with fellow ghost-bolters, saggitarian sun, rising or venus.

  16. Hmmm. Lots of feelings re this. The GB’s I know are mutables who also have prominent Aqua. They are not what I would call commitment phobic per se. It just never enters their head. Ego-centrism comes to mind but it’s never malicious on purpose. Like someone said up above they often warn you up front. Heed the warning. They told you for a reason. They are often great company however I don’t think it will ever be truly intimate now matter how deep the relationship seems. They are like ghosts you see. Great moniker for them Mystic. Very nebulous.

  17. I’m a Piscean lady ghost-bolter dating an Aquarian macho ghost-bolter. It’s hopeless.

  18. Oh Yes there are plenty of female ghost bolters. *shuffles feet* I’m one. Virgo, afflicted mars and moon, most of my first house in Aqua, mercury conjunct Uranus. Also Nancy Mitford’s character “The Bolter” was based on Idina Sackville.

  19. Ha haaa outrageous..

    Mutability Galoria with Venus Aqua trine Uranus Libra for added dash. Merc in Aries…never say i didn’t tell you so.

    The surprise on people’s faces when you actually give a TIME: “I can only handle xyz for about 8 days; if you want to keep xyz-ing that’s fine no judgment but i don’t think i can keep doing it beyond Tuesday; you know xyz has a shelf life with me and this is the fourth time so if you can’t stop i’m off.”

    Then they say you’re threatening or they ignore you and wonder why you climbed out of a window mid crapversation one day. They beg to know whhhhyyyyyy and if i bother to answer it’s to say, i already told you, buddy.

    • I love this comment Milleunotte! Especially your time specific announcements! I am very relaxed about things these days and everything is running smoothly. But once upon a time I was super organised and specific. It’s amazing when you clearly tell people relevant information in advance and they hear the opposite or nothing. They hear what they want to hear. They then have the hide to be surprised and to cast you as mean. You “climbing out of a window mid crapversation” – gold.

  20. At last! A name for it! Not to mention an objective observer of the bolting. This profile perfectly describes my previous lover…way too bold declarations, talk of moving in, plans to go on holiday, then WHOOSH, he’s gone. Turned me into a deranged love zombie even though I’d been detached & had my reservations during the good loving phase. Couldn’t believe he had that effect as I’ve been so strong & the stable one in my relationships this year. I was totally undone!!!

    • That’s terrible. I’m not a GB after all. I have never talked of marriage and i don’t make wild promises or plans i can’t keep. Oh perhaps wild promises. Stringing people along or pulling the rug out from under a stable person is terribly rude and inconsiderate. You’ve absolutely GOT to try to leave people with more than they started with… strength, adventures taken, laughter and an experience they’d never have by themselves…perhaps even some furniture to ease the pain. If i know it’s going to be bad, i call THEIR support crew to be on the ready first.

      It’s mean to hear you were undone.

  21. Mystic, you have NAILED it. And before they bolt into the molecular, they make sure to make an imprint, something to remember them by.

    I’ve been searching for an answer, a term for this for months… years probably. Now it’s named – so much easier, so less infuriating. This will serve me well for years to come.

    Kudos to you! x

  22. I’m a former Ghost Bolter. I’m female, obvs. I benched myself for a year to figure out why I do it.

    Wish my next girlfriend luck. I think it will be different but I am nervous.

  23. LOL

    I just had it out with the aqua last night, absolutely spot on mystic

    Ghost Bolters, only had a couple, both Pisces.

    • Love that ‘ benched myself’. I play basketball so I dig it MS. Wish I could do the same but I was benched too many times as a kid (on many levels) that I really am immune to GB’s . I have been with one for 4 years now and know all his tricks and I barely raise an eyebrow now. I did put up an ultimatum last space trip he took and he reappeared voila and wants to take me out for my birthday!
      That was a first for me and felt good. This LZ is regaining her balance slowly with herbs, homeopathics and avoiding the energy sucking GB orbit.

  24. Okay guys gets this !

    Aqua sun and rising with taurus moon! Mercury retro in aquarius and venus retro in Capricorn.

    So.. so so hard and difficult to please and on and off and hot and cold and just wow ghost bolter king!

  25. I love this, and it’s so timely… I have a GB for sure, a sweet Pisces with a John Wayne inner persona. I’m a Libra. We’ve known each other four years, and have circled around each other in various sorts of relationships. The thing that confuses me is the circling back… does the GB come back to see if I still care because he does – or for ego stroking? Sometimes it’s really hard to tell. I am finally ready to chuck it, as it has never changed or even stabilized in a friendship (We have tried, but it gets physical). The thing with the repeat GB is you don’t know if they actually care of not – underneath it all… I would give my eye teeth for understanding!!!

  26. I am a recovering Ghost Bolter. I bolted at the mention of anything annoying, boring or too suffocating. No, i don’t want to meet your parents after 3 months dating. I don’t want to have to meet all your friends and gain their approval. I don’t want to go to events, parties and do things I don’t wanna do.
    I don’t want to talk about marriage or kids until way later in the game.
    I ran when men I dated came on way too strong. If I feel suffocated or expected to behave a certain way I am gone.
    I never wanted to get married or have kids so, talk about it scared the crap outta me. I preferred talking about art movements, philosophy, UFOS, anything but commitment.
    I managed to break the cycle and stick with a fellow Virgo. But, he give each other mental space so, I can breathe!

    If a guy bolts he may feel overwhelmed and suffocated by the entire relationship or expectations of it. I was never a fan of romance Hallmark style but, lust.

    • I think you’re me… 😉

      Honestly, most people are too clingy for me. I don’t want to cheat, be deceitful or play around with anyone else. I am perfectly fine with monogamy. I’m not emotionally unavailable. But I need a lot of time to myself. I prefer to sleep alone and I don’t want to move in together. I need quiet time. I will sometimes say no to a date to stay home and read. It’s not personal.

      Most people will read more into that, get suspicious, get needy. It really is that simple. I like romance, I like love. But I also like intellectual discourse and space. A fair bit of it.

      This might sound harsh, but I reckon this GB business is probably often a relationship which started promisingly, with no ill-intent on GB’s part, but got too intense, too quickly, because the other party wanted to talk and analyse and possess.

      • I feel exactly the same, some people do just need more alone time and space, more space than most traditional relationship configurations tend to allow. Actually the narrowness of what is considered to be a relationship is one of my bugbears. Who says a failure to move in together is a failure to commit, I know a number of couples who happily live separately, usually after discovering that the expectation of cohabitation didn’t work for either of them. It can be quite hard to find partners who agree on this need for space however.

        I just reread my bog standart computer generated astro psych report from Astrodienst and about 3/4 of it is taken up by my excessive need for solitude and tendency to reclusiveness. LOL. It can be hard for people who do not experience a similar need to see that it isn’t personal, it isn’t a rejection and it isn’t game-playing, it is just another entirely valid way of relating. I guess being up front about it from the get go is the only way to navigate this. Then people who cannot cope with that degree of freedom and alone-time in a relationship can decide early on not to engage.

      • Nup. GBs are something else. They will come on strong so they can give themselves an excuse to run away and play the field. You sound honest about your needs. GBs aren’t.

        • Hmm, I’m honest now, but when I was younger? I didn’t really know wtf was going on, I was attracted to people but would start to feel like I was suffocating almost immediately and have to bail. It took me years to understand that there wasn’t anything wrong with me per se, that I just had to acknowledge what I could and couldn’t deal with and not pretend that the right partner would magically make me into someone who can hack a traditional cohabiting couple formation. In the mean time I was a bloody nightmare for people, never unfaithful but mentally checking out just so I could experience some of the space I needed.

          I’m sure there are some horrible manipulative fucks out there who just like to mess with people’s heads but I’m not sure my own behaviour, which was confused and clueless in motivation is really distinguishable to the other party.

          • I SO agree re the behaviour not having malicious or whatever intent but being indistinguishable to the uninitiated – because we were all young and learning about who we are then. I discovered via some random clicks a few months ago that someone I was with 20 years ago still isn’t over me and it really made me think about how his interpretation of me was so off the mark yet in retrospect and with wider eyes I can see how he got it all so wrong. I want to tell him I’m sorry but I fear the impact it will have on him seeing as he’s still stuck there. In the past. I don’t want to hurt him again but I want him to be free. It’s a quandry. Thing is I did love him just not in the way he wanted to be loved.

            • I have a couple of exes who think I’m an awful person and that I enjoyed manipulating them. I didn’t, and I still feel guilty. I was just really confused and lacked the experience and emotional maturity to understand and express what my needs were.

              So, The Bolter. You female and single? 😉

              • heh, Yah, but I’ve retired from the circuit : ) for the moment, anyway.
                Apparently I’m going to peak, life-cycle- wise, in my fifties and sixties (chinese astro says and that sounds nice so I’m buying in), which means another decade out in the wilderness for me.

          • Ok, maybe you have mild GB 🙂 But, seriously, yes, your behaviour would have been distinguishable, and is something most people do at some point in their life. Another way of looking at your behaviour is just that the people you were exploring with weren’t right, you were growing in other ways that were more important than intimate relationships and you weren’t able to handle that in a straightforward way. Fully fledged GBs go out hard in hot pursuit and promise the world, which doesn’t sound like you (see GhostBoltee). They will definitely have multiple relationships, either with real life people or via porn, and this will be inescapable to the other person if they can bear opening their eyes to it. They also don’t change.

      • My case debunks your theory:

        A week before my ghost bolted I pulled back & declined dates due to illness (& needing some space to get over my ex/ work out where I was at w the new guy). And the whole way thru I was the one requiring space & a slow unfolding of our relationship. I certainly wasn’t the one doing the pressuring…the GB was!

        Seems like there a few patterns here, but none that really solidify any one theory.

    • I do have to ask, do GB’s ever feel guilty? Is that why they go “ghost”? They walk away because they are freaked about their emotions / connections with you and they don’t how to handle it. They have a tendency to hurt you with drama, in my case not intentional, to see what you will do so that it will make them feel better for walking away. (ie. see she was a psycho).

      • Well yes simply speaking there is guilt but I suspect the guilt is not for the same reasons you would expect. i can’t speak for any other who may have gone ghost and I’m not sure I was ever total ghost because I never deliberately ‘lead anyone on’ etc and this is not meant to be in any way hurtful but your comment ‘They walk away because they are freaked about their emotions / connections with you and they don’t how to handle it. ” is well off the mark – in my experience.

        It was most often that the connection for me was not what the other person expected or wanted from it. It simply didn’t exist in that way for me. It was never about being afraid of emotions – it was about knowing they (the emotions) would never be reciprocated to an equivalent degree or be able to be expressed in a way the other person wanted or expected them to be given. It was most often that I’d come to the moment of clarity and realisation that they were having a relationship with an idea of me, not actually me. Dirty mirror.

        So the guilt would be there for hurting someone’s feelings but it would also be tinged with frustration because the person had you confused with someone they wanted and not who you were and you were forced to hurt them and break it off for reasons they could never understand. It’s horrible trying to explain to someone that you’re not who they want you to be. Sometimes you ARE really into them but in your own way and it’s tempting to try and be who they are projecting on you just to keep them happy and that’s when it gets really complicated.

        From your comment it sounds like you’ve just had a bad time with someone who might have deliberately manipulated you though. That’s something else entirely. I don’t know how helpful it is to have a generalised exchange when you’ve just had quite a specific experience and are obviously still feeling raw and hurt by it. Taking aspects of other personalities and overlaying them on your own back story might not be the most direct path to finding the answers to your own situation? Based on the tone of your words and my reading of them I hope you’re doing OK xxx

        • oh I just saw your comment way up above – soz I misread between your lines and thought you’d just broken up with someone. But in your words further up at the top – am I right in thinking you were saying sometimes you get frustrated with your possible bolters distance and do things to provoke a reaction? If so that’s a really interesting and familiar thing to me – the ones I used to want to bolt from would do things like that – that’s how I could tell they would never just accept me as I was, because they felt the need to provoke a reaction instead of just accepting I needed some alone time. So if that is what you’re doing that’s one way to guarantee the outcome you fear! 😉

          • Hi Glam.. no I didn’t break up with anyone. He is the ghoster. But we have been on an off for almost 3 years. The final go round meant him telling me that we are on different pages. I was ok with that. I told him that I love him. It was my way of saying to him “if you don’t like that then leave”. But he didn’t. He kept pulling me closer. I always let him run the course. I didn’t have a problem with it since I was working through my own personal issues with relationships. This one was working fine with everything going on in my life. I too could not commit to him. So, in my mind, let’s just enjoy each other. But he would pull these “relationship” type actions.. The last one was in November. I honestly have not directly Love Zombied him.. alone I have (thinking, hoping etc).. but that was it. I am slowly letting him go. I am not angry or bitter about it. I am glad that he and I have had some great times together with a physical connection that I was happy to be apart of. I am hurt that we can’t be mature enough to say “Thank you” it was a great time together and move on. It’s not like I won’t see him again. I just can’t imagine him feeling comfortable being in the same room without saying “hello” and treating things as though nothing ever happened. But that is just me. Maybe I am still clueless or in denial.

            I hope this helps and Thank you for responding. This thread is so helpful!!

            • i’m almost in a coma I’m so tired so I can’t give your comment the kind of attention it deserves but quickly before i sleep I want you to know i don’t think you’re clueless or in denial. You seem quite lucid. And yes this post is totally cathartic – I don’t feel like as much of a bitch as I often have in the past for needing distance 😀

            • hey! i just read your words again and is there any reason why you can’t send a note saying ‘“Thank you” it was a great time together.” So you can release and move on with your life and when you do meet again it will be OK for you? Or is there a part of you that’s still hanging in there thinking maybe he’ll return and doing that might curse it? It’s so hard to read these deeply personal situations in this online way but it might help you if you did that? Not some novella about how you don’t get it or whatever but just those few sweet words you said up there are so poignant – if it is simply how you feel about the whole thing. Thank you, I realise it’s time to move on. SO powerful. Just that one sentence. On so many levels. On paper and in an envelope – old school. Because I’m not you I don’t know if it would be as significant for you as it would for me and I’m quite sympathetic magic oriented but if you really are feeling that then writing it down and releasing it could potentially be really helpful for you. Only you know what’s right for you though.

        • “It’s horrible trying to explain to someone that you’re not who they want you to be.”

          Really, it felt horrible to you? I’ve always found that conversation a huge relief, like I’m being both true to me and to the other person. Even when it wasn’t well received, it wasn’t hard or awful for me to go there. To me, it felt like a bittersweet necessity… Like euthanizing a dying, suffering pet… LOL — sort of.

          • When I think “bolting” I envision someone who disappears in lieu of being upfront and honest, and that is so incredibly lame and cowardly… So self-centered and selfish…

            Isn’t that what we’re talking about when we say “Ghost-Bolter,” someone who skips out sans a word why? Just because you had to break it off with someone doesn’t make you a ghost bolter!

            • yeah jesus the more this post unfolds the more I feel like less of a bitch for being distant, unattainable and sure of myself for so long actually! I would never bolt without giving a reason but for some reason they always seemed to turn up on the doorstep – sometimes at 830 in the morning on a work day! wanting to know why I broke up with them when I’d already explained several times. I’ve spent most of my adult life feeling mean for being true to myself and maybe there’s not reason for it – there’s way worse peeps than me around – my mother always used to say ‘make sure you’re nice to this one’ when what she really meant was say yes when he proposes 😀 absurd

              • Yeah, you know, if you’re putting it down but they’re not picking it up, that’s hardly your problem. Good for you for putting your cards on the table when the time came, woof! That is responsible, compassionate, and evolved– hardly ghostly.

          • yeah it’s a relief but I’m a libran so I don’t like hurting people’s feelings and then that’s where the pretending to be who they want you to be for a while because you don’t want to hurt them creeps in and then I learned very quickly (cos I’m talking about the distant past here) that pretending to be that ideal girl just made the ending worse. There’s a myers briggs type that adapts to others I can’t remember what it is but I swing between that and one of the other types depending on my mood – the adapting is good in freelance work situations but not so much in matters of the heart 😀

            • If you don’t like hurting people’s feelings, how can you pretend/fake stuff? That’s very hurtful, not being authentic and communicating that to your partner. It hurts you both. 🙁

              • yes obviously but when younger and learning about this stuff is when you fall into those traps. If we were all born cognisant there’d be no need for these conversations.

              • oh you mean the myers briggs reference? I think you misunderstand what I mean by that – it’s not pretending or faking it’s the ability to ‘slot in’ – the ability to get along in new situations easily – there’s nothing nefarious about it, it’s more about empathy and the ability to get along with people and they feel comfortable with you sooner than they do with some other types. Part of it is not projecting yourself onto them and fuqing with their energy just existing with it in a self-contained way. I suspect it’s the double-edged sword of ‘needing space’ you know how to give it to others and they respond to it accordingly. maybe go read about myers briggs traits if you want to know more about it – there are high-low manifestations just as there are in all things.

                • Seriously? Dude, I know the MBTI like the back of my hand, and my comment to you had absolutely nothing to do with the MBTI.

                  You simply made a confounding statement, and I pointed it out. Like you said, that’s why we have these conversations right?


                  • not sure how you’ve read into my words that there’s a lack of chill on my part I just couldn’t be bothered explaining so I directed you to the source. As far as chilling is concerned I’m about to go take a dump, have a coffee – maybe not in that order and go back to the sun on my balcony. It’s pretty chill round here. 😀

                • In the future, you might want to take a shit *before* commenting.

                  Just saying.

              • Replying here because there’s no room below. Anyway- dishonesty is a strange thing. Motive is not always bad or deliberate, just a result of fear or confusion. I do feel bad about hurting people, and I have been dishonest. I’m not proud of it, but as stated above, relationships are a learning curve. When you seek companionship but don’t fit the standard relating model, it’s hard to know how to go about things. If I could go back, I would do things with more honesty and integrity. We don’t know what we don’t know.

                To Virgo Ellie, I have to concur with glammed up wolf- it was never about being “freaked about my feelings”. I find that’s often something people tell themselves to spare the hurt of acknowledging the other person just doesn’t feel the same way. I’m not saying that to be cruel, I’m hoping it’s a reality check so you can learn to treat yourself better.

                And Scorporation, your response to Anonymous was a bit rude. I see no indication that he/she was un-chill or having a go at you in any way.

                • Thank you Diana.. I appreciate your honesty. Yes, I am digesting this version of a GB. But don’t GB’s know from the start that they are not feeling it? I might be being selfish in that I deal with new men in my life that way. If there isn’t a chemistry connection, I don’t pursue it! It’s just me right now. I have a hard time understanding dating a man for almost 2 years and them still pulling you in to get closer.. then they freak. If they honestly are not into you they should feel comfortable saying “Hey, Thank you.. but”. I know I wish it could be that simple and that is actually what I am looking for from my guy if that is the case.

                  Again, I am learning a lot from this discussion. Thank you all!

            • Hi Anonymous, Sensitive souls often have a journey around the strength to let people down.

              Also, Not sure if you are female, but sometimes girls are taught its their job to make men happy or be nice or fill needs. Its terrible if you are beautiful or have other qualities desired by men – you get so much attention and they act like you owe them something just because they want you. Even men – young or old – who are ugly and utterly unimpressive do this. Often all the old ladies try and push you into being with one of the men.

              Instead girls should be taught: “you are allowed to say no.” and “Just because a perfectly lovely bloke likes you doesn’t mean you owe him anything.” and ” Feel free to Reject anyone if you don’t like him back!” and ” Go for who you want and don’t feel bad if you can’t be what people want you to be”.

              Sounds like you sorted your journey tho =)

  27. Do Libra males fit description too? Big cheshire cat smile as they fade away. Last two Ghost Bolters actually told me the relationship was in my imagination! I don’t think so. Aries moon is not usually delusional.

  28. I always seem to attract these types. They literally take what they want and leave or are quick TO leave.

    Can anyone spare any hard edged advice?

  29. ” Love Zombies feel that all relationship problems can be solved by stalking, voodoo and understanding the karmic implications of their one night stand seven years ago. Ghost-Bolters prefer a more existential approach; being Not There. ”

    this is as cool as Einstein’ s theory of Relativity and a Shakespeare’s sonnet together. plus, a hint of Sarte.
    LOL, awesome Mystic!

    • I think the one night stand generational song is Save a Prayer by Durans.
      Simon le Bon, the ghost-bolters, sang: “you can call it a one night stand/but we can call it paradise”….and other mesmerizing things who kept a young girl with Mercury in Pisces a forever love zombie addicted.

  30. OMG. I was the Love Zombie, he was the Ghost Bolter. Took me years to realise the futility of that one, but the next time it looked like happening, different relationship,, i called it early and got out with a whole lot less pain, a whole lot more dignity. It stung, but did not cut in the same way. So I guess I did learn something.

    thanks for putting words on it MM

  31. OH DEAR yes….

    I mated with a two……one mild one and one extreme….

    the extreme one required lots of physical space. Way too much for me. He has a multiple conjunction of mercury, venus neptune, and jupiter in sag opposite saturn in Gemini with all of them squared by mars in Aqua!
    Yuck……I can’t do Aqua energy at all. And this Tsquare….he is such a mess.

    So I see his car in my neighborhood the other day. Not sure if he drove by or what. I have dreamed of him twice since then. Yuck.

    The mild one was there physically, but was vacant. He has moon in cappy opposite saturn in cancer.

    • OH yea!!!
      The multivirgo! 6 planets and rising all in virgo. He is a professional ghostbolter. I removed him from my life because I just couldn’t take it.

  32. agree with the astro signatures mentioned in this post. me Venus and Mars in Aqua and him too. We were meant to be friends not lovers.

    i would love flowers from another planet i must say, lol.

  33. ths isnt even funny coz its so true. Have your been reading our texts/emails/thoughts MM? one was ‘ i’ve been in another dimension’ as an explanation for his absence.
    ‘Aquarius men are Ghost-Bolters but they bolt back in again the moment they sense your interest wavering. You genuinely don’t give a fuq anymore? There will be Aquarius, at your door ‘
    i thought it was just him that does this but it is his super strong Moon in aqua. Nice to have an explanation.
    me, the Love zombie, def contributed to his weeks away. i’d say this time I contributed at least a week more to his interplanetery holiday with my Leo ‘how dare you ignore me’ rantings . which I still stand by of course.

  34. I’ve been following comments in email and am responding in general. I had a soul connection diagnosis in 2009 and have been a recovering love zombie ever since. I will say I did project a lot of crap onto that guy – soul connection or not. I feel bad about it now, but – oh well – karma is a bitch for all involved in sorting old crap. I saw possibilities for him that he didn’t see/own for himself. Not to say I was wrong, just like my Mother wouldn’t be wrong to tell me I should eat more veggies and quit smoking. I know I should. Which is to say – love zombies (putting myself in this category) are total nags. I don’t think there is a lot of guilt on the side of the runner or ghost-whatever-er because they are not the person the love zombie is relating to – as others have said. The love zombie is relating to an idea, an ideal, hence not in a relationship at all. People ditch relationships all the time because they don’t work – for whatever reason. Best to not lay blame/judgement and just practice acceptance when that happens. Ghosts are dead people anyways – they’re always around to suck energy from your life if you don’t want to live on your own.

    • Agree so much with the last bit. I see so much bitterness when someone decides to leave. “But it was going so well! S/he just bolted!” No-one is under any obligation to stay in a situation which doesn’t work for them. I’m not talking deliberate manipulation or wilful dishonesty, but sometimes people leave. Sometimes people realise very rapidly that the situation is not sustainable. It doesn’t mean they “bolted” or deliberately made false promises.

  35. This thread has taught me a lot. Another question: Do GB’s ever get into relationships? Are they capable?

    • I’m sure GBs get into relationships. But – why does it matter? The rule is to know your own needs. If they are met or not – hold the line – that sort of thing.

      I realized not everyone falls in love with possibilities. I do. Maybe its my natal Venus-Neptune square. As much as I do love the person or place as it is – I do – I love the could be behind the is. I’m currently in love with Pacifica, CA – a town I’ve never been to. It happens with places, not just people. I have to laugh at myself and just recognize that I do love possibility – the possible in myself and others. But I drive myself really hard. And not everyone is into that kind of ride. And that’s OK.

      My point is – you have to live by your own standard. And let others do the same. Its how the Creator loves or else we wouldn’t all be so different.

      • Yes, if the conditions are right. I could be seen as a GB. But I need to be with someone who understands that my need not to be crowded and my lack of desire to cohabit and do absolutely everything together is not personal and not an indication that I am sneaky or unfaithful. I’m fine with monogamy- by “freedom” I don’t mean being able to go and sleep with others.

        I just need my own company a lot, it’s as simple as that. It doesn’t change when I’m seeing someone. My friends don’t become less important (boy, do I have a beef with people who drop their friends when they hook up) and nor do my interests. I don’t want to control (I’m not a hypocrite- I offer partners the same freedom and space as I ask for) nor be controlled.

      • I feel like for me this is totally done and dusted and I’ve learned a lot from this thread but before checking out I wanted to say I love what you have to say about living by your own standard 12th house Virgo – it’s the only way. I get the feeling virgo ellie’s interest is more anthropological / taking it apart to see how it works than aspirational – she seems pretty cluey.

        It occurred to me this arvo there might be a chiron in aries or the 1st house link to some of this GB stuff…

  36. Just wanted to agree with Glammed Up Wolf when she said ( I think several others said it too) that when she personally bolted it wasn’t because she was scared of what she was feeling. It was because she didn’t feel what the other person wanted her to feel and couldn’t fit into the picture the other person was constructing for them both to live in. I bolted for the same reasons as Glammed up Wolf all the times I bolted or else at times did not even get involved at all despite heavy chemistry etc. Not everyone needs to be tied down at the beginning of their journey but it’s surprising how many people are eager to cast you as princess or prince or karmic significant other in their personal construction of a happy relationship. If it’s not your style or you don’t feel it, you have to extricate yourself.

    Not sure if this is true Ghost Bolting though. I love Currents definition of GB, but it seems from all the comments there are at least three types.

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