Another Love Zombie?

beautiful woman kissing an unresponsive ancient greek statueMystic,

I’m the Queen of the Love Zombies but also an astro-novice so I’m not fretting over charts (only because I don’t know how), really confused and wondering if you and/or your readers might have some advice? I’m not going to go bore you with details but basically I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years and he is unwilling to speak to me about the future and the possibility of marriage. After trying to talk to him and trying to leave him alone about it for a long time, I’m to the point where I don’t even know what I want anymore. I’m pretty resentful about the whole thing. He really wants to stay together but literally will not speak about marriage – even in the distant future – so part of my feels like I’m just wasting my youth waiting to see if this relationship evolves or evaporates.

What would some good decision-making exercises be? I’m always so decisive that I’m at a loss now that I’m on the fence. Would this be something I should get a chart reading over?

I’m Aries, Aquarius Rising, he’s Virgo, Gemini Rising.

Yours,

Queen of the Love Zombies

Dear Queen of the Love Zombies,

Sorry but this all sounds too reasonable for you to be anointing yourself Queen of the Love Zombies. In fact, be careful of what you announce, lest you provoke some genuine Love Zombie to tear herself away from the gin/fake Facebook i.d creating/torturing the Oracle to give it up with the ‘right’ response already and screech down to rip your lovely innocent hair out and make it into extensions so that she looks hotter for the next actual in-person stalk.

Seriously. A proper Love Zombie is never this nice. You have to start off your email inquiry to me with a simple TELL ME WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH ME AND TONY IS THERE A FUTURE GOD HELP ME YOU ARE MY ONLY CHANCE I KNOW HE LIKES ME SO WHY WON’T HE SPEAK TO ME EVEN THOUGH I WAITED AT THE CLUB TILL 4AM DO YOU THINK THIS IS THE CAUSE OF MY TINEA BECAUSE OF A CHAKRA IMBALANCE?  And then go on for several more pages before announcing that you need a response URGENTLY. 

Anyway, maybe i am being old-school here but i think four years of monogamy (?) is plenty time enough to expect some sort of a movement toward a more enduring arrangement, yes?  Resentment is NEVER a good look though. It will ruin your skin tone and send revolting anti-pheromones coursing through your body. 

So he is a Virgo. Could we work with this a bit more? Do you make the bed with hospital corners?  Have a nurse outfit? Plus tell jokes and always have excellent gossip for his Gem Rising?

You could always fix the Feng Shui and then wait till the end of July – when Venus out of shadowzone, this Retro is part of why you’re suddenly arcing up about the future of this thing – get the house professionally cleaned and then propose to him? Or just send him an ultimatum in point form? But they say with ultimatums that they only work if you’re absolutely prepared to follow through on the threat.

Also, is it poss that with your ruler Uranus now IN Aries, that you could be subliminally wanting to engineer a bust-up and get more freedom? Would it be worth doing a pre-emptive revenge makeover? Whispering ‘marry (your name)’ in his ear while he is fast asleep at 5am?

I am sure the peeps here will have more helpful suggestions than these ones – THOUGHTS?

Image: Sheila Metzner

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Ether
Ether

To be fair-ish 🙂

P.s. I hate my job….yes….am I job zombie?

Oran_Mor
Oran_Mor

Haha!!! I so needed to see that post. Trying my utmost best to be the haute-Virgo right now.

12th house virgo
12th house virgo

Really, we CAN’T use “Love Zombie” as a term to cover any and all relationship problems. Love Zombies aren’t in relationships – they only imagine they are.

Whatever you want to call me
Whatever you want to call me

My apologies for not better understanding the imaginary definition… but “Queen of feeling trapped in the panic of not knowing which direction to move and feeling like my dreams are pulling away with just this pathetic version of myself in the rearview mirror” wasn’t catchy enough.

Sunrise
Sunrise

Saturn in Libra is faux relationship, feeling trapped central.

I think whoever rigs this game is trying to get us to stop abandoning and betraying ourselves in order to make unhealthy unbalanced relationships work and see clearly where our relating patterns are not giving us what we need.

We learn to go deeper (the boyfriend needs to go deeper and we need to go deeper in understanding our self sabotage) or we get out.

A lot of people are on the same journey!

Sunrise
Sunrise

With only a few more months of Saturn in libra, I think it’s make or break time for many couples.

Ether
Ether

Secretly wishing someone in particular would get freed up by his Libra….sigh…
Must purge this urge!!!!
I have moved on….but…..I still like my OPTIONS!!!!! 🙂
Lol

total nonzombie
total nonzombie

Medusa I hope you were joking when you suggested the OP turn down the bedsheets better, in order to woo this guy… no way should she be trying to “win him over” after 4 years…!? As for the OP herself, I wonder if she has explained to her partner why marriage is important. Because these days many people legitimately see it as an archaic institution and plenty of peeps, male & female, don’t feel the need to marry to prove their love. men are rationalists, or like to pretend they are, so I think this lady should try analyzing her… Read more »

Meowmix
Meowmix

Another good quote:
Be with someone who doesn’t want to let you go.

If someone is a bit ‘meh’ about the relationship, then move on. Who wants to worry about having to ‘win’ someone’s love and then feel like they have to work hard to keep it?

melissa devico
melissa devico

I feel like so many people think if they are with someone for a long time then the must get married why? It is so important to be on the same page. If you love him and you are happy then stay together….if marriage is more important and he does not want to get married there is a chance you will lose someone you really love. Good luck with everthing:>

Aphrodite Rising
Aphrodite Rising

If he’s got Gemini Rising, run a mile. He won’t commit. He’ll be too busy seeing greener fields elsewhere. But if he gets to those greener fields, he’ll decide the field he’s just left is the greener one and want to return. Having gone out with a Gemini for 4 years, broken up 13 times due to him not being able to make a decision, 13th was lucky for me and I took off. With all due apologies to Geminis, they are the Tricksters of the universe, the Peter Pans, the eternal kids. Yes, I know he’s Sun Virgo, but… Read more »

toomuchgoingon
toomuchgoingon

I snared my husband (in a Vegas quicky) despite his protests at the time that he wasn’t ready.
Ironically he thrived from our union but I spent the next 15 years regretting my haste as he wasn’t good husband material, never matured, and chose to be under responsible throughout.
& That’s *a lot* of mercury he has going on. I’d be wary of pushing him until he is ready.

Meowmix
Meowmix

Each person has the right to be where they’re at (e.g. ready for a commitment, not ready for a commitment). But when things clash then it is like going to the hardware store for milk – you’re not going to get what you want and need from someone who doesn’t want to or is not capable of giving it to you.

Meowmix
Meowmix

(So what I meant, toomuchgoingon, is that I thought your story was a great piece of input here, and very helpful.)

Aqua Ramette
Aqua Ramette

I agree. People commit when they are ready – certainly my Virgo, Gem-rising did – and if they’re not ready after four years, then you should be asking whether you really want someone in your life who isn’t terribly sure whether they want you. For what it’s worth, I do know people for whom the ultimatum has worked: ie, she gave an ultimatum, he didn’t make a decision, she left on the basis she wanted a family and her time was running out (he was younger), he realised it was a huge loss and started wooing her again, and then… Read more »

Harrow
Harrow

Same. Four years. Left him. I started losing interest in someone who wasn’t excited about building a future with me. It started off with me wondering why he didn’t propose to me, to me losing interest, to me thinking I will never be with another man again who is not passionately interested in me, and that is for ME to work on MY self-esteem. Everyone is allowed to be who/where/communicate how/ live how etc etc they want to, and it is up to you to figure out whether it is right or not for you. Honestly it dragged on way… Read more »

Anonymous
Anonymous

“You can love someone, and value the lessons and experiences they brought, but not be with them because they are not essentially good for your soul.”

yes, very well put Harrow..

Anonymous
Anonymous

Totally agree, well said. Thanks for sharing.

The girl formerly known as Queen
The girl formerly known as Queen

I love this… I think this sums it all up so well and succinctly. Thanks!

Baristagem
Baristagem

😯

Aww now come on not all Gems are afraid of commitment especially those of us… 😯 who like being in relationships… 😯 well… 😯 sometimes we just… 😯 sort of… 😯 like… 😯 um… 😯 er… 😯

Fuq… 😯

Gems ARE USELESS in long term relationships*… 😯

😀

* Gems aren’t good at lying (Our smirk gives us away). If the person is seriously happy to commit – marriage etc you’ll know it. 😯

Baristagem
Baristagem

😯

*runs away*

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

Haha!

TheRamCapricorne
TheRamCapricorne

I AGREE WITH YOU. FANTASTIC COMMENT.

Gem rising. Forget it – the grass is always greener where they are not standing and for that reason they will be forever changing their minds.

Tricksters of the universe, you bloody said it!

Gem rising peeps (that i have met) annoy me.

Stop playing games. AH so i avoid.

hiddendragonqueen
hiddendragonqueen

ah pffffffffffffft!! viva la difference.

having said that, i’d rather be hit in the head with a brick than spend much time with a capricorn. some signs maybe just don’t belong together. 🙂

trickster and proud. 🙂

clued up wolf
clued up wolf

i concur although I have no issue with capricorns, for me it’s another of the earth signs that sometimes irks me… Gem rising here and deeply committed in my heart + on paper for what it’s worth for more than a decade. Late bloomer re commitment, i just waited until the one who I considered worthy to commit to came along. It’s not about always being greener on the other side either, it’s just that certain shade of green we seek. We’re particular. No offense meant if you’re not that particular shade we just don’t suit each other in the… Read more »

Ms.
Ms.

tick. I am one of the most loyal people I know. Not a fan of “everyone in this sign is blah” either, astrology is a lot more complex than that.

Rebecca
Rebecca

Hey… don’t bundle all Gemini Risings together. I have no issue with commitment. It takes more than a Rising sign to do this to a person…

Taurean Love Expert
Taurean Love Expert

Yes, my beloved Stealth Leo admitted he would have happily let things go on as they were (Living Apart Together) indefinitely if I hadn’t made it clear I wanted to live together. I felt I would gradually become less and less satisfied in the relationship if things didn’t change, and I was honest about that. But we discussed it! And we set a time frame for revisiting the discussion when the first conversation became a bit overheated. Not wanting to talk about it at all is a bit dodgy. The advice I received (probably from Mystic!) was to become thinner… Read more »

Ether
Ether

I wanted to get married….bad….but didn’t want children My on/off boyfriend (Taurus sun-moon,Venus,mercury-Aries, Leo rising) Did NOT-due to women cleaning men out in divorce court….. After 7 years of this when my birthday came around….I asked for diamond earrings….little ones….he scoffed….and then… Bought me diamonds that were much bigger than I had in mind…. You know what’s funny? Now that I have my sparkly studs in my ears 24/7….. I’ve lost the desire to marry….. Methinks I just needed to *** Sparkle**** And they are waaaaaaaaaay better than a ring…. Bcuz the luxury of taking a few lovers after telling… Read more »

Sunrise
Sunrise

Love this!!!!!!

“WTF, is he 3?”

LOVE IT! 🙂

Queen - Or maybe pagan freedom goddess
Queen - Or maybe pagan freedom goddess

Thank you everyone for your in-depth advice. I love all the different perspectives including those challenging my desire to marry. This is such a diverse and respectful conversation here! I’m at work and will take more time to digest all these responses tonight, but some answers to some questions above and other points: – 31, yes bio clock is a factor – As confident as I come across, I wonder if wanting that level of commitment from him is low self-esteem… in that I believe yes, he is philosophically opposed to marriage but that may really be a cover for… Read more »

Ether
Ether

Oh…um …Hi! It is a question/issue of values. You do not share the same values…. Has it occurred to you that your husband is currently residing in your home country and desperate to meet a nice girl who is READY to build a family?…. Just sayin’….. Why go beating a dead horse ? Yes? It’s not super fair to want a guy to move countries with us…just cuz our clock….. And that would open up a WHOLE other can of worms…. This could be just the reality bite you need to get those zygotes in place….after they have a proper/legally… Read more »

Ether
Ether

Holy crap! You’re 31! You just had your Saturn return!!!! Where’s your Saturn? What house is it in?
What is it telling you????

The girl formerly known as Queen
The girl formerly known as Queen

It looks like libra 5 degrees if I’m reading the chart table right… and I really don’t know what I’m doing here. Ether, what *is* it telling me???!!!

Ether
Ether

Saturn in libra? What house? I am a total novice around degrees and transits, hopefully someone else here can elaborate for you…. The house it falls in is what I want to know- My Saturn is in leo…so my Saturn was telling me to go first class ..lol…but seriously!!! It was. And I stopped dating broke guys after that!! My Saturn is in the tenth house so it was also teaching me about authority merde…and um yeah… I HATE having a boss….I don’t take orders well…. But if ur Saturn is libra that so sounds like relationship stuff…and I think… Read more »

Ether
Ether

Ugh…so many typos I meant- if he decides to have kids with u out of wedlock…he’s gonna want some appreciation..but u will still be angry bcuz u don’t feel loved and you NEVER wanted a child outside of wedlock! Some ppl don’t want marriage but want children…u aren’t one of them….and neither am I ….and I don’t even need children!!! But I would want to be married however antiquated I think marriage is…. To me it’s a prison…but great for protecting property/chattel, which children are….marriage is a business contract and it does help to legally protect children in the event… Read more »

The girl formerly known as Queen
The girl formerly known as Queen

“Has it occurred to you that your husband is currently residing in your home country and desperate to meet a nice girl who is READY to build a family?….” Absolutely. And he owns snowmobiles and horses.

yes def not expecting bf or anyone else to move countries unless it’s something they wanted independently/before knowing moi or got excited about it after visiting with me.

Meowmix
Meowmix

Good luck with things no matter what you decide!
It is a painful situation that you’re in (that many of us, unfortunately, can relate to), so take extra good care of yourself while working through things. *hugs*

Electric Eel Libran
Electric Eel Libran

But is it ever ok for a woman to settle for a guy who is into them but the woman is NOT into? Because so far, your description seems all about the men.

Electric Eel Libran
Electric Eel Libran

Guys who do that are freaking lazy. i don’t know if anyone remembers about that STD post I posted awhile back, but that MARRIED couple is a female Aries with a male Virgo. He only agreed to marry her if he could be poly. Anyways, I find that if a guy isn’t talking about a future and marriage after 2 years, dump them because they almost never will except maybe an Aqua. An Aqua will make you wait that long. I have friends who have married (or almost married) Aquas after they made her wait like 11 or 14 (in… Read more »

Ms.
Ms.

Nooo lets not do the gay marriage compare to not wanting to get married, it is one thing to not have your love validated on the same level officially in the eyes of society of the same legitimacy and opportunity even if I do not want to participate in that ritual myself. Not the same thing at all and no one is touching that one with the above discussions referencing personal belief but having the choices to make.

Link
Link

And if you want to have babies– like *really* want to have babies. Well ditto the above, you don’t need to be married. Wow what year are we in? How radical. Babies out of wedlock– far out. Popular culture, i.e,, a media run by middle aged white men, is still selling us a 19th C dud. We do not need to trap men, we do not need to get married. We do not need to have babies. It is unlikely we are going to end up in matrimonial bliss for anything much more than 6 months. In Afghanistan on the… Read more »

AAC
AAC

Well said. And getting a divorce is a tedious and expensive affair even when amicable.

AAC
AAC

But also he should be able to communicate his thoughts sensibly like an adult instead of behaving like a big sooky pass agg pain in the butt.

AAC
AAC

I was born out of wedlock 39 years ago. Tres Chic.

Link
Link

Heh. Very cool.

I suspect many young men and women positively reel at the idea of spending their entire lives with one individual but want to get married anyway because of all the trimmings and the status of being fully grown up tossers.

AAC
AAC

I think there is a LOT of fluffy fake BS around getting hitched, but there is also something very pos and lovely and solid in it too. Totally on the fence. Pro Choice as it were!

scorpiorising
scorpiorising

ditto, my sentiments exactly! Marriage is deeply personal ritual/commitment, but has been turned into status symbol and a parody of itself (Kim Kardashian’s 72 day marriage).

Ms.
Ms.

see this is my personal belief in a nutshell, but some people do want the white dress and the unethically mined diamond ring. I don’t know how many people actually feel they can be secure in a relationship without the band (gold) esp reading how many people above are associating marriage with not loving you enough. I would site not wanting to talk about it far more disrespectful. Love the rest of your life comment as the tester.

Charley
Charley

I was discussing this with one of my married friends the other day, she’s an ultra Uranian Cap who never believed in the whole thing but had to do it for immigration purposes with someone she’d been with for a decade. She said she loves it. It’s made them pick their battles in a different way, they feel solid and tethered together in a nice way but a way they didn’t feel before despite living together for 10 years. I don’t know, it’s all personal choice I guess. Evidently not essential in this day and age but I think it’s… Read more »

Ms.
Ms.

to be fair, marrying for immigration is a grueling process and you are not going to be validated visa wise nor get a home together until that happens so I am sure she feels a lot better because its a full on process to go though and it would be illegal for you to be in the country. you really have to think about it in a way most people have to when approaching the topic.

Ms.
Ms.

*most people would not* my computer is eating the typing!

Charley
Charley

Actually it was within the EU so it was really only for student loan reasons but yeah it’s true, funnily enough most of my married friends are married for immigration reasons. Meeting online and all that jazz.

Meowmix
Meowmix

I love this! (Your friend’s story and input on marriage.) I think in this day and age, when people are living longer than ever and also have more choices and are thus changing more, marriage is outdated… But if I was going to buy a house or have kids with someone I would want to get married as I would want our commitment in writing. It doesn’t mean it is necessarily going to last longer or the relationship will be ‘better’… Maybe it is my Venus in Capricorn wanting a contract for these big life decisions. And I would kind… Read more »

hiddendragonqueen
hiddendragonqueen

bravo!!!!! a thousand thumbs up. 🙂

Link
Link

If he’s losing interest, has a wandering eye or is completely irresponsible, getting married will only exacerbate these things, believe me.

Link
Link

Can somebody please tell me why–exactly women still WANT to get married? The future is happening now.

The only thing that will happen if you marry is that a couple of completely anachronistic archetypes will kick in that you will be unable to sidestep and you will soon realise you have been dealt a dud hand. Your boyfriend is wise not to want to get married.

creatrix
creatrix

Well I never wanted particularly to get married – I was pleasantly surprised by how meaningful it was to undertake that ritual.
Saying the words from my heart made me feel things I had not quite expected – it was one of the most powerful moments of my life.

Link
Link

You make it sound like much to your surprise, you suddenly found yourself exchanging vows! I’m glad for you. But it doesn’t really answer my question. I have absolutely nothing against being lovingly devoted to one individual until death etc

Scorpio Sun/Rising
Scorpio Sun/Rising

I totally agree Link. No way am I going to allow that spark of madness to enter my sphere. I see marriage as completely outdated. There needs to be more Katie Holmes freedom stories happening vs locked down for life crap. No thanks. But… having said that… how I feel is not for everyone. Only for me and I can and do respect where others are on their journeys. However, yet again, my skin crawls at the thought of spending one moment with a person that didn’t respect me enough to even discuss something with me. Noooo.. never happen. *poof*… Read more »

scorpiorising
scorpiorising

I also see marriage is an out-dated .
I just see women get marriage insanity wanting to play pretty princess and have a costume ball and wear ugly dresses. ugh…If I was a man I’d run too!
Not sure women need to get married to be happy. Just be happy w/o a man first.

Scorpio Sun/Rising
Scorpio Sun/Rising

I know right? Couldn’t have said it better. Strange ritual.

Ms.
Ms.

people who do get married for approval for society or think that it means love or whatever fall over fast. People who understand it’s about a team and a merging of asset management over a white dress and some lavish attention for the day tend to fair better.

Ms.
Ms.

love the happy without a man first comment. No one is going to save your from yourself. that’s your job.

creatrix
creatrix

Lol, it was like that! Never having thought about it, it was shock I wanted to do it. My answer to your question is that it is about cementing feelings into actions, it is about ritual and how that impacts on our behaviour and feelings. With Mercury in the 2nd I have lots of interest in the stabilising power of language. Tesla said if you want to understand the secrets of the Universe look to ‘energy, frequency & vibration’. For me language & intent combined is very powerful (esp due my understanding of shamanism/hypno etc). Okay – and maybe I… Read more »

Electric Eel Libran
Electric Eel Libran

Link, there are reasons why people want to get married if they live in places like the U.S. For one you get a tax break, you don’t have to pay lawyers a lot of money to get people to divide up your estate when you die, you get to be at someone’s death bed without a whole lot of legal hullabaloo, if one spouse has health care then the other will get it as well, and many other things! I suppose if you live in a place that has ‘free’ healthcare and doesn’t give tax benefits i can see why… Read more »

hiddendragonqueen
hiddendragonqueen

this list makes me want to scream and puke and run and hide. i got married at 26, sooooo too young, for all these reasons, some consciously, some not. it’s been a long process of realizing that i did the entire thing for other people, and not in the slightest for me. those realizations are doubly horrifying now that i’m at the beginning divorce stage, and coming to terms with the fact that even though my ex and i agree about everything and could easily just divide up our stuff and agree to love and support or children as best… Read more »

Electric Eel Libran
Electric Eel Libran

I didn’t say they should be the ONLY reasons to get married but they are IMPORTANT reasons if you live in an area where you have to be married to get those benefits. You might as well IF you are in a good relationship ya know? If you are NOT in a good relationship, then it’s different. I understand your POV totally as i have friends who have been through what you are describing. They are like been married, got the t-shirt….not worth it. But don’t make the decision for us ‘never-beens’. I have never been married and 40 y.o.… Read more »

amazon dragon queen
amazon dragon queen

i’m so sorry if i hit a sore spot. i didn’t mean to imply that it is uniformly horrible for everyone or that i in any way can make the decision for anyone else. i’m just a little bitter at the moment. :/ in hindsight, some of those reasons you site definitely did make life easier, and i am glad i did it for my grandmother, who is no longer physically here. so it’s always a toss up… different sets of problems, different perspectives. no right answers, only the murky depths of the heart. your sag ex situation sounds horrible-… Read more »

Electric Eel Libran
Electric Eel Libran

Naw it’s cool. I’m not offended. Everyone’s always is curious about the road not taken and puts it on a pedastal. I just want to point out that life on the other side is not that much better. I have a friend like you. She got married too young and is saddled with kids she never really liked having. She projects fantasies about my great life as a free-wheeling single and what SHE would do if she were me. Although we are the same age, she forgets that when you are 40 your friends are all married and no longer… Read more »

Anonymous
Anonymous

‘relationshit’ – lol – love it

Charley
Charley

OMG you are so not a love zombie, so, so, so not. I really can’t add anymore the (as usual) wonderful advice already offered up here.

TheRamCapricorne
TheRamCapricorne

You sounds like a wonderful girl, know your worth and walk away if that conversation is not happening.

Why do you have to go to all the effort when he’s sitting on his ass avoiding the topic. Not fair. You deserve more.

And like what someone said just before me his actions after you leave will paint the picture.

It might be hard at first but stick to your guns it’s been 4 years you deserve to have that conversation.

modern girl
modern girl

yes, i think she may unconsciously want to break up / bust up / some drama where she is playing the lead role 🙂

Creatrix
Creatrix

When you are in a relationship you have the right to know where you are both going with it. His lack of communication is disrespectful. Trismegistus Rising or Garuda Ascendent, it won’t any difference if he won’t talk. What I like is that you know know you deserve the conversation! It’s when you are so hypnotised that you stop believing you are worth clear verbalisation that you become a Love Zombie. Knowing what I know now, having been in that sitch, I would leave and get him to come to you when he is ready to talk. It will be… Read more »

Pi
Pi

‘love bombs and pragmatism’ .. love it Creatrix. that is why i do love my cancerians. so…. OK about being … normal. considerate, practical.

Josie
Josie

Personally, as an Aries…. If after four years he cant figure out how fab you are.. why are you still there? His loss.. As much as you might love him.. if he cant see your value and what you add to his life… Then take it and go find some one who will appreciate all you have to offer… Lifes too precious to waste waiting for someone who might never wake up.. And you have too many people to meet and things to do! Best of luck 🙂 And sorry if this sounds harsh.. I spent too much time in… Read more »

AAC
AAC

Agree completely. The older I get the more I regret wasting time waiting for boys to sort out their shiz. (no offense to boys, they just happen to be who I do). Whilst I am incredibly amazing, I could have been stupendous if I hadn’t sat around waiting for them to grow up/get it together/get started. When I finally finished with it 8 years ago life began. I do whatever I like and it ROCKS. I had a 2 year blip with a capricorn who was in the closet, but the sex was rad. I miss having a man in… Read more »

willowwolf
willowwolf

In my experience neither Gems or Virgos like to commit too young. But it will depend on other factors. My double gemini daughter has factors in her chart that probably means she will do so.
My Husband with Gem moon was in his mid-forties when we married ( his previous marriage when he was 21 lasted 6 weeks) – I think this is more typical. Virgo’s tend to suit being batchelors.
But I agree with everyone else you have too talk & get this moving one way or another. We all need to know where we stand.
Where’s his mercury btw?

virgoaquaetc
virgoaquaetc

okay.. so… i am not really a monogamous / getting married sort of person so i guess you should take my advice with a pinch of salt. then again maybe i can be totally objective because i don’t have any vested interests? firstly – you are not a love zombie! its a shame your boyfriend is not wanting to talk to you about this stuff because you sound absolutely lovely and it’s not that hard to just be considerate of people’s feelings. it seems to me that you would have to evaluate exactly how good your relationship is, v.s. how… Read more »

scorpiorising
scorpiorising

I am a Virgo Sun married to a Virgo Sun/Sagg Rising. Technically, we are both not supposed to be commitment types but hermits, but we “hermit” and work on art/music together. You both need to be on the same page. The fact he refuses to communicate is the real problem here. If it was me I’d take a vacation w/o him and start being/doing exactly what you what to do. Either he’ll follow or you’ll move on. Regardless you’ll be living the life you want to live. Marriage is over-rated if you aren’t compatible. No man (or woman) should be… Read more »

Ms.
Ms.

Yes sorry agree with everyone here. Being a love zombie with a boyfriend you are actually in a relationship with not stalking for a conversation once a fortnight only as a result of you stalking and then wondering why you are not married is love zombie. You are in a tight spot in an actual relationship wondering if this is right for your needs or if you just need to ride it out for his commitment safety. Now, I am a gemini rising with mercury personified and then sagg moon venus so I am, lets say sensitive, to the whole… Read more »

Pi
Pi

Yes I do agree with the concern about refusing even to speak about it or anything future-ish. It sounds like you’ve given the ‘matter’ plenty of breathing room too, so it’s not like you’re smothering the guy with demands..? I’m a pisces with gem rising, and as commitment-phobic as they come (probbly because I am worried I’ll make a crappy choice again or maybe I don’t want to face the consequences if I make a “good” or “the right” choice), I always like to know there’s fresh air coming in, I don’t mean ‘options’, you know, but just that I… Read more »

Ms.
Ms.

you have to have your value systems in common for a good foundation. The only way to know that is communication.

clued up wolf
clued up wolf

yes, values. The core values must be the same or similar otherwise it’s never going to work as a ‘marriage’ – whatever that means to those involved. Communication is one of the cornerstones for whatever kind of thing you want to build together in the long term.

Adminiscorp
Adminiscorp

Not wanting to get married is one thing, but refusing to even discuss the future. After four years? Them sounds like warning bells to me.
Sounds like you know that already though…

fallen angel
fallen angel

If I may just re-adjust the focus here for a moment, might I ask, Oh Faux Queen of the Love Zombies, have you actually sat down and thought of WHY (aside from the chronological and trad reasons) YOU wish to formally entangle yourself with this person? There’s heaps of good advise here but toomuchgoingon has just shared a perfect example of how we can subvert questioning our own desires when after a certain amount of time, we cannot help but pathologize the situation i.e. HE is problematic for not taking the next step. Of course, I’m not saying what you’re… Read more »

fluidfeline
fluidfeline

Excellent advice yet again FA.

jicky
jicky

maybe when he hears the word marriage he thinks that you are asking for children?

rache (aqua/tauri)
rache (aqua/tauri)

love this comment!

Harrow
Harrow

Why would you want to marry a guy who you had to give an ultimatum to?

I thought long and hard about that one, and learned how to love myself more instead and walk away.

fallen angel
fallen angel

Honestly, you wouldn’t. But sometimes the psychological exercise of considering going that far will help you realize that.

Harrow
Harrow

True, well put.

The girl formerly known as Queen
The girl formerly known as Queen

Thank you this was very helpful. I think this is an excellent meditation for me and might be the thing that will help me better understand what I need to do, which is the crux of my question. It’s like I’m standing in a forest and where I couldn’t find one single path suddenly there are a hundred, and I’m just standing there saying “Ah fuck!! Now what?!” You’re right it’s not news, this is something I’ve been trying to both discuss with him and lay off of him about for the past 2 years, but was giving it time.… Read more »

fallen angel
fallen angel

Oh, I’m glad you found it useful and don’t worry too much about the path or which direction to take right at this very moment. Try to give yourself (not just the relationship) some space from the you stuck to this paradigm. Reading your longer message below, I understand now your biggest pressure is moving forth – as in life plans period. I realize that much of that is tied to you feeling marriage necessary for good and valid reasons. But I wonder what would happen if the marital conundrum is eliminated and this was a discussion of “forget marriage,… Read more »

aquasunbird
aquasunbird

Is it an ideological issue? There are some that won’t marry b/c they do not believe in it; women are technically worse off with regard to the law. However it comes down to you & your security…If it does not mean anything to your partner then perhaps it is OK to “marry” for you? The could be a multitude of reasons why your partner presently doubts it. You can always explain why and keep it a rational and civilised discussion, as in it might be part of a plan, which includes children and property. I would keep the emotion out… Read more »

mitra
mitra

His behaviour sounds mean and controlling and he is prepared to hurt you to preserve some mysterious aspect of himself.
It made me feel sad, reading your email.
I hope that you feel better and get back to being you.

Savannah
Savannah

My first thought is if he can’t/won’t talk about something as important as marriage now, what would he be like in 10, 20, 50 years time? Not wanting to talk about it is pass-agg and who wants to live with that kind of control?! I know I’ve been there. If you did get spliced with this dude you’d be eternally frustrated & having affairs 10, 15 or even 5 years in. I say think it detach a bit from your emotions for a bit & think it logically.

saggibee
saggibee

I was in a slightly similar situation earlier in the year and something that really helped me get some clarity was having a tarot reading. I went in cold, but the issue was at the forefront of the reading and the info conveyed really gave me some perspective that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere, it’s not my ‘fate’ to settle for someone who isn’t going to commit and, I’ll admit, it gave me some strength that I really needed. Sometimes that outside voice can really clarify what you’re already thinking. Resentment is something that’s very hard to fix in a… Read more »

Ms.
Ms.

do you know one in London ? 🙂

Saturnalien
Saturnalien

I have an awesome London based Tarot reader – Dusty Mario.

Ms.
Ms.

Thank you xx

saggibee
saggibee

Nup sorry, but the reader I went to does do phone readings I think. She’s amazing – this is her:

The girl formerly known as Queen
The girl formerly known as Queen

I’m in the States but will look into this or maybe another Jyotish chart reading since my last one 5 years ago was so much fun. Great idear.

Jess
Jess

If you haven’t found a tarot reader yet, I highly recommend Charlie Castex. I’ve been to him a few times here in Santa Fe and done phone readings as well. I think he might be on the East Coast now. Not sure. So worth it though. Helped me a lot through a friendship that went south. Here is a link to his website: http://charleycastex.com/

Meowmix
Meowmix

You are not a Love Zombie. You’ve been together four years and he doesn’t want to talk about your potential future together – he is a commitment-phobe. Doesn’t want to put all of his eggs in one basket, me thinks… Maybe read some books or get some professional advice and then have one last talk and see what happens… Good luck!!

Meowmix
Meowmix

By professional advice I mean that you could always see a therapist or counsellor on your own for some advice and then talk to him.

12th house virgo
12th house virgo

Yeah, the phrase “love zombie” is being WAY over used now. Love zombies aren’t in relationships, they only think they are. Relationship problems/snafus/ect are not zombie territory, just full of hard choices and negotiations.

Rache (aqua/tauri)
Rache (aqua/tauri)

ARE YOU ME?!?!?! i seriously just broke up with my boyfriend of two years because he dangles the carrot of the future in front of me but never acts. i’m convinced that guys need to chase…he can either track me down and seal the deal or we’re done. strict no contact rules on my side and for once i am keeping them because i know i need to in order to keep my sanity and become who i want to become. honestly, i thought i would be a wreck and i have my moments but the feeling of freedom combined… Read more »

The girl formerly known as Queen
The girl formerly known as Queen

“dangling the carrot” is actual terminology I’ve used with him! Yes I think I am you!

quintile
quintile

that’s a great link – thanks – I can never have enough ammunition to keep the love zombies at bay!

Taurus Vixen
Taurus Vixen

Thank you for the link. Looks like a good website.

Beatrice
Beatrice

Pat Allen has some suggestions for this situation in her book. Her advice has helped a number of friends in a similar bind. So challenging! Good luck!

Sunrise
Sunrise

Thanks Beatrice, great reference!!!!

Scorporation, Inc.
Scorporation, Inc.

umm… Line!

(I’m never going to get that Oscar. *sadness*)