When you are having a Saturn Transit, Saturn goes shopping with you, like a particularly stingy druid-accountant figure traipsing around behind you. And the dialogue goes a bit like this:
YOU: Wow, a new skin cream with poly-peptides to restore the inner crystal collagen of the skin matrix integrity…Skin scientists who extracted essence of the rare and adaptogenic Foo Foo flower from the alps of Atlantis, the supermodel endorsement, fuq yeah!
SATURN: You know this is rot and that your skin never looks better than when you hydrate correctly, avoid junk food and get the proper amount of sleep. Do you really want to go further into debt or deplete your savings just to prove – yet again – your gullibility? Try getting a bunch of kale instead.
YOU: Oooh, cool revolutionary new shapewear, that’s amazing.
SATURN: It’s a corset you berk.
YOU: Hey this new blush gives you a natural looking awesome glow like you’ve just been exercising or had an orgasm!
SATURN: You could always just exercise or have an orgasm. It would be chemical free and cost nothing.
Image: Priscilla Wilson