Shopping With Saturn

Hipster Ariel Shopping With Saturn?

When you are having a Saturn Transit, Saturn goes shopping with you, like a particularly stingy druid-accountant figure traipsing around behind you. And the dialogue goes a bit like this:

YOU:Β  Wow, a new skin cream with poly-peptides to restore the inner crystal collagen of the skin matrix integrity…Skin scientists who extracted essence of the rare and adaptogenic Foo Foo flower from the alps of Atlantis, the supermodel endorsement, fuq yeah!

SATURN: You know this is rot and that your skin never looks better than when you hydrate correctly, avoid junk food and get the proper amount of sleep. Do you really want to go further into debt or deplete your savings just to prove – yet again – your gullibility? Try getting a bunch of kale instead.

YOU: Oooh, cool revolutionary new shapewear, that’s amazing.

SATURN: It’s a corset you berk.

YOU: Hey this new blush gives you a natural looking awesome glow like you’ve just been exercising or had an orgasm!

SATURN: You could always just exercise or have an orgasm. It would be chemical free and cost nothing.

You know?

Image: Priscilla Wilson

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59 thoughts on “Shopping With Saturn

  1. FUQ you nailed it again MM
    SIce the wardrobe is looking very drab, I have tried to spruce it and me up lately, and yes this is what I got. What a DRAG saturn is to go shopping with πŸ™
    I did block him out to buy some nice essential oils so I could float in the waft in my drab drab clothes and ugly practical shoes.

    Libra sun 25 and over it !!!

    • Ahh my sympathies Hippychic! I’ve got Sun Libra 19 and hear your pain: ditto need clothes, need skincare, the shebang. Let it/me go? No just had bitchface Saturn transits the past 2 years. I bought nice oils (camelia, argan) and essentials to go in it too. But does it stop me lusting after L’Occitane Immortelle flower cream? Does it Hell! (Dammit the free testers Saturn made me get were GOOD too…) On the upside, maybe it’s possible to SELL oil blends to people without Saturn dancing all over their graves? There’s a thought I’ve been toying with…

      • ha, yes indeed. We Librans need these things like we need air.
        Ahh the free samples, yes Saturn is ok with these. Luckily my favourite scent and lovely stuff shop remembers that I used to buy many things and is happy to let me come on in and put all the testers on and float out smiling without buying anything.
        I have been dabbling in the blending also. Have been stretching out my oils by blending them in carrier oils. Saturn is impressed with this:)

        • Must keep Saturn happy heheh. I have a retrograde Jupiter (ruler of my chart) in Pisces in 2nd and my Saturn is telling me this makes me potentially a terrible spendthrift and that I have to get a grip :/ I like that your fave shop is cool with you wafting out in a free Libran dream. I just stay out of town. Wondering how the heck to stay out of the supermarket and the petrol station / car too. Not so easy but I am rocking some ace store cupboard creations & veggie patch marvels. Or so I hope. Really trying to bring the bills down.. whilst not giving up my indulgences. I really haven’t experienced the Saturn weight loss – where is it?! (must clamp fridge shut)

  2. Hilarious and true. (Though ISUN products’ Foo Foo flowers from Atlantis really do work.)

  3. this is pretty much moon in Capricorn…(or a generally cappy influence, which would explain your moon-saturn shopping intel I guess. esp as in Libra πŸ™‚

    • Ooh really? Maybe that’s why no one likes shopping with me. (Moon in Cap) I spend forever in the biscuits and crisps section because I either want to buy the more expensive $5 pack of biscuits but you know, it’s $5 or I want to buy the $2 small pack of crisps because it’s small but the big pack is going on discount for $2.40.

      Does having natal Saturn in Capricorn have anything to do with this?

      • Yes. I think there must be a Moon Cap and bargain carb connection.My boyfriend has moon in Capricorn and can spend an hour in a noodle or biscuit aisle (and TELL ME all about his purchasing successes) but zero time in any other shopping environment.

    • Hehe… The Saturn side of that argument was is so me… Cap Moon square Saturn!

    • LOL, yes.. moon in Cap I know and I reckon you’re right.

  4. I usually just tell that voice to STFU but lately I’ve been listening and my bank account is looking a lot nicer eh.

  5. Ow! That hurt!! But I’m a Taurus and I really like being lazy…nevermind, have already started yoga/meditation every day. Being good and learning, not SCREAMING!!!!!!…ahem, pardon me. Back to your regular programming… The stellium in Taurus on top of my natal stellium is giving me a fit! Learn, breath, learn..

  6. whoops..Saturn opp Sun & Mars and inconjunct Moon & Chiron…11th house fun all around!

    • no they do gambling and whoring or hiring/firing of staff when they feel stressed instead. At least the ones i know do.

      BUT seriously, you are right in that they are third generation money or more because they do respect it and they know how to hang onto it. a lot of people who look ‘rich’ are not and vice versa

  7. I tap into my Higher Self while shopping. I get a visual ‘ding’ on a number out of 20 as to whether I will really use it.
    E.g. Found this awesomely cute cape and nearly splurged but my HS was really clear on it being unnecessary. Actually have found that if I follow my guidance it really works out.

    Or you can employ one of those gazillion unemployed angels out there and nominate it as your ‘Shopping Angel’. Either way, I always know what to buy and what not to buy.

    Tried explaining this to my Catholic pa-in-law, but he thought it was rude to ask for ‘divine’ help for something so superficial. But my Saturn in Cancer approves: comfort, money and integrity are essential ingredients to a good life.
    Only people who are really programmed to believe they are not worthy enough to have contact with the divine hold it so distant imo.

  8. Baahahaaaaa! Oh Mystic, tres accurate for me while Saturn has been hanging around my Libra Asc. Pain in the Asc.

  9. Now that is TRUE. Moroccan Oil (the only commercial one I know) is just a few per cent Argan oil, the rest of the product is silicon-based! So I just use any good organic oil – I actually bought a jar of pure macadamia butter a while ago and it settled so that the clear, pure oil was on top – I tipped into a clean jar and use it as an overnight conditioning soak on my hair every few weeks. PLUS, my hair smells like macadamias. yummy πŸ™‚ Olive oil is my other choice for EVERYTHNG.

    organic cold-pressed extra-virgin is GREAT for inflamed skin breakouts. use as some-time night moisturiser, you wake up with a new face. slather on feet and wear cotton socks to bead. Body moisturiser (under pyjamas) in wintertime. it’s the BUSINESS.

    • and the ingredients: 100% oil, no 2-biphenyl-4-cis-butylate phenylene dichromate or whatevs. (NB made that up k)

      • although (god, I wish I would shut up sometimes) i do realise that -oil- also has a proper chemical name

    • Coconut oil is good for hair, skin too. Am I big fan of olive oil and macadamia oil.
      smells so good!

  10. 😯

    Omg! A few weeks ago I spent a small – ok large – fortune on a piece of gym equipment… THANK YOU SATURN! 😯

    I have never parted with this much cash on something that wasn’t a car… or a deposit for a house! 😯

  11. 😯

    Btw the oracle just totally knocked me off my stool! 😯

    I was asking about someone and it came up with advice for the EXACT sun sign… 😯




    • me 2!!! I don’t know what happened to it but it now has an edge that is amazing

  12. Saturns been controlling the purse strings here for some months now……..but this week Jupiter, possibly with a little help from mercury, has managed to sneak me some funds & I get a little retail therapy tomorrow and then deal with the guilt while on retreat πŸ˜›

  13. I must be doing the mother of all Saturn transits. Every time I wander over to some lovely shop/market stall/online site, with shopper’s lust, fondling some object, Saturn starts the “it’s tat” mantra, “more tat” “really insulting tat” “hideous vintage = sucker tat”. Am saving loads, but miss the fun of acquisition..

  14. I walk into a department store that sells nothing but designer labels. I try on a Gucci hat and close my eyes. Im imagining wearing it and imagining what people would say or react at the advertisement… I am at one with the hat. Ok it’s out of my system..fuq it, it costs Β£180 I’d rather eat or buy fuel for my big engine BMW!!! Sat sun conjunction 10th

  15. Phooey. I have inherited consumer resistance to advertising from my Scorp Mum (and from study of capitalist consumerist ideology) so let’s not credit SATURN with any of this, when a brain unrepressed by Saturn will do nicely, thanks very much.
    As for corsets, Saturn IS the ultimate squeeze you into shape so you succeed (at what? for whom? at what cost to your soul???) mental garment. As per the “so I got to the top of the mountain but now I have no friends and am pondering death and wondering what it was all for syndrome”, Saturn’s results can be as ugly as the real whalebone or spandex garment.
    As for orgasms, phooey. Saturn is definitely randy underneath his holier than thou facade, but many of my friends with Cap partners or Cap ex partners agree with Liz Green – Saturn schedules it all (to after the chores are done, or to pre-arranged time periods, or to when you;ve been “good” in Saturn’s terms) to the point that those who prefer a little spontaneity and can’t perform on cue never get it when they want it.
    Saturn – SOOOO over-rated. Pluto is just as hip to all the same shit, but unlike Saturn, he challenges us to question it so we can be captain’s of our own SOULS, rather than just balancing our budgets.

    • My last ex was a Cap and there was absolutely no scheduling with him. It was a whenever the mood took thing and definately won out over such mundane things as chores so I don’t know about that. And it was a great thing about him of all the things about him that I miss. On the other hand my Cap moon might have been influenced a little that way on occassion.

  16. This is so apt. Shopping stresses me out, there are way too many things to look at, then go crazy feeling like I must have the next new thing as I watch other shoppers with their shiny new handbags and clothes. I have to tell myself, no i actually don’t need that! Trying to focus on what matters, live minimally, and be happy with less objects!

  17. saturn and I have this kale conversation!

    it’s trine my asc and venus is stationing on my asc as well. could not be more apt

  18. PBR? Really? Pulleeze.

    And I thought I’d transcended advertising/fads/shopping-to-fill-an-emo-void, but that buzzkill voice in my head is Saturn? With vested Libra and Scorp sectors of my natal chart, I’m tired of Saturn nipping at my heels, but know that it won’t be over any time soon… It’s a good thing I’m hardcore.

    Hey guess what, Saturn: I’m in the itunes store and you can’t stop me! Click buy download click buy download bwahaha!

  19. Multiple Libra undergoing Saturn.

    Getting much better at cutting superfluous spending. Walked around a clothing store yesterday and I had to explain to the universe that it was for ‘visual colour/design inspiration’ and that I wasn’t actually going to buy all of the clothes I had in my hands to try on.

    Like Saturn was over my head asking me to justify.

    So over expensive creams etc when natural oils are better and cheaper.

    Thanks for the Macadamia oil and olive oil tips!! And loving the coconut oil tip from Mystic a while back.

    Coming from an uber-liberal anti-consumerist journalism school I have always veered this way, but it has cemented since going off the slave grid (in a Libra way, not a capricorn way) so to speak since 2007.

    • So when Saturn gets conjunct your sun, you don’t notice any difference? =)

      • oh….when saturn conjuncted my sun… of the worst times in my entire life. But then ofcourse it went right into my saturn return. Horrid times…..

        When sun conjuncts my saturn each year it is right after my birthday…..hmmm. I don’t think I notice that at all. I did get married at that time…LOL.

  20. Double cap. Moon in Toro , my lover schedules our intimate moments crashes the spontaneity . Not into the mechanical idea of performance . I perfer the romantic prerequisite . As far as shopping went shopping recently . Not many things fit me found some nice stuff . Two weeks of guilt .
    Try bhringaral oil for hair works wonders .

  21. LOL! Orgasms still require money unless you are low maintenence.

    –Vibrators cost money…and the electricity or batteries to use them.

    –Getting a date who will actually want to have sex (AND is able to) with you is difficult and costs money too. Quality dating servcies and condoms aren’t cheap. Plus the STD risks or gross diseases which will cost you extra money after your short lived affair.

    When you factor in those costs Mr. Saturn, the blush is much cheaper.

    • Haha…. yes! Blusher much cheaper.

      Or you could just use your hand. Very minimalist πŸ™‚

      • Yeah, one could if one were low maintenance, but the Electric Eel is high maintenance. πŸ˜€

  22. OMGDESS…yeah, ummm, Venus stationing right on my natal Saturn, on top of the whole trine w/ Saturn has turned what has been a frivolous couple of months with spending into forced (and obviously much needed) austerity…
    I literally lost my debit card, not once, but twice (and for good the second time…left it in the ATM machine and had to cancel it) in the span of 3 days this past weekend…Saturn has just done his best to make damn sure I won’t be spending for the next couple of weeks! Arrrgh!

  23. 70AUD for 50ml is a lot. I just bought some last month for Β£4.95 (which is c.8AUD) for 50ml of pure Argan Oil (Argania Spinosa) from In fact on their website it says that it is available even cheaper now. But it does say refined, not cold pressed.

    • I get organic argon oil pure and cold pressed from a hippy shop for $12 love it

      • I bought some last week, pure organic argan oil Β£14 from a wholefoods store. So far I’m happy with the results, and I like the idea of one product to rule ’em all instead of multiple hair oils, skin creams, cuticle oil, body cream blah-de-blah. I’ve read that you can add a drop or two of essential oils for good results too.

  24. ROFL !!!
    @Mystic — SO pathetically true, Saturn is such a wet blanket ! It seems like he’s on EVERY shopping trip with me, ever since he transited my Libra Moon (I know, it’s been awhile, he should’ve found someone else to pick on by now!). But, I do eat more kale these days. Boring, that’s what Saturn does — brings on the ‘boring’.

  25. Ok, now I feel like a jerk.
    I’m the druidic accountant figure when shopping with friends, then 2 days later, I’ll go back and buy all that crap that I told them not to get and never ever let them know I did!

  26. So good old rosehip is also excellent and pretty good price wise for organic produce. Apricot kernel oil is another reasonable alternative as well, and yes to macadamia oil.

  27. Welcome to Saturn Sun and saturn in a few other area’s as well, always a vioce in my head saying:
    ‘DO YOU REALY NEED THAT??????’ or
    Then i think, it’s only money, how about a second job, ect ect
    But i have a mum who needs my help and a couple of very close friends who struggle so much more that i and i don’t feel so guilty

    maybe one day carma will come back my way help me buy my own house and garden…….