Astro Gaga Comp: Caption This To Win A Subscription

Filed in Astro Gaga

Greg Lotus – Vogue Italia

Hey Dark Moon Trippers – caption this pic to win a year’s subscription to Mega Mystic – that’s right; total access to all the Horoscopes, the Daily Mystic in your in-box Monday to Friday and freedom to become an Oracle addict.

It’s powered, you understand, by Dark Matter. Hence the strange accuracy.  If you’re signed up infinity, you can gift your winning sub to a friend. All Librans need non-stop occult insight at the mo f.y.i.

The caption is ideally astrological and explains the situation this couple and their cat find themselves in. Or are they actually a couple? And is that truly their cat?  And WHAT are the looking at? Dude looks particularly alarmed. Maybe it’s the pilot arriving and he looks like Rasputin or someone.


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62 thoughts on “Astro Gaga Comp: Caption This To Win A Subscription

  1. “Well, we tried to find a place that was zap zone proof..we just ended up with more carbon footprints..”

    • Mr. & Mrs. Aquarius return from a Neptune voyage yet have nowhere to land.”

  2. Fredrico, I told you flying into LAX for Mr. Tibbles to star in his first full-length feature was a bad idea. But would you listen? No. And what kind of an agent is that in a baggy jumpsuit.

    Christiana, that is not an agent. That is animal control.

  3. Capricorn Man is still not sure about his tres chic Leo date. She thinks she has it in the bag. He’s thinking he may not like her after all (or the crowd she’s determined to impress). If he wasn’t holding her cat, he might turn around and tell his long-term trusted female pilot to take off for his Mountain home or the Riviera…anywhere away from her,

  4. Dark moon, I’m on a roll. Apologies if this is off tangent.

    “So the new starship is looking awesome but argh what is with the flight crew’s uniform? I specifically said no orange and blue! Intergalactic or not, it needs to be done in style. They had better suit up in something that doesn’t make my eyes bleed before I board that starship, something that doesn’t clash with my hair, I just had it recoloured. And there better be the requested RoyalKitty nosh for Poppins otherwise I’ll ask them to turn back even if they’re halfway through space. Really, how difficult is an intergalactic flight?” – Masha, intergalactic starship tourist, fashion blogger, stylist extraordinaire.

    “Oh, a starship, haven’t seen one before, didn’t know they were so big, and silver. I wonder if I brought enough of my lavender aromatherapy kit because intergalactic flights sounds horribly stressful. I hope I’ll be warm enough. Thank goodness I brought along Poppin’s knitted blanket, he will be so cold. Masha will be so unhappy with the uniforms, I forgot to tell them that orange and blue were her no-go colours. At least everything else looks like it’s going as planned.” – Keeran, P.A., younger brother, all-round lackey to Masha, reads books, loves quiet spaces.

    Poppins is not amused. Has no idea why fur is no longer in fashion. Best get this over and done with. Doesn’t care if feet are not on the ground.

  5. LOL!!! :)

    The Aries Cat is finally Lord and ruler of the planet, after orchestrating a well timed takeover while all of the stupid humans were distracted by market crashes, obesity and terrorism. She has her cyborg slaves carry her from her private jet – just landed from her utopian palace – to briefly meet with her adoring worshippers and accept their sacrificial mice and cheese.

  6. “Basti be praised!” Bonos thought, stepping from the craft and staring at the alien landscape before him. That they had made it this far was a credit to Rebus, as neither he or Ornus really believed they could succeed.

    Ornus was still upset at having to leave her lover Billus behind and travel with Bonos instead, who she felt was incompetant. That he had been advanced to Senior Capitus while she had been shunted off to the Ministry of Discovery was yet another reason for her dislike of him.

    Rebus snapped a command, bringing them both back to the task at hand. He had located Rhinus. “Bonos, snap on my lead and set me down. I’ll lead you to Rhinus.”

    • Rebus led them into an air-conditioned building. Rhinus was at a desk next to the bank of windows, trying to get the car he had rented. Bonos and Ornus sat down to wait, next to a woman, also there waiting.

      “They overbooked,” she said to them. “I’ve been here a half an hour already and they keep promising me a car, but I never get it.” She huffed exasperatedly and kept going, “I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get my car soon. But isn’t that just like a Sagittarian to promise what he can’t deliver? Always hoping for the best, thinking it will work out somehow. But here I sit!”

      Bonos and Ornus weren’t sure how to respond. Rebus ignored her, watching Rhinus’ progress instead. They needed to hurry.

      She went on, “Now you two, you wouldn’t do anything like that. I can tell just by looking at you, yes, I can. Honey, you’re a Leo, got to be with that hair and attitude. Regal-like, you know? And you, you’re a Virgo, aren’t you? All worried about the details, fussing and wanting it just so. You’re worried about something right now, I can see.”

      Bonos, confused, started to reply, but Rhinus walked up with the key right then. “Let’s go,” he said. The woman looked up with a look of shock. “Now just a minute!” she stormed, making her way angrily to the counter. The four of them moved quickly out into the sunshine.

  7. “Wait until the Humane Society finds out what we did with their money.”

  8. capricorn sun,leo rising woman: “Victarion,what on earth is that woman doing??”
    gemini sun,libra moon man (under saturn transit,as ever):”Purchasing the ticket,it seems,my love”

  9. Stardate May 19, 2012: Hit the Terra just in time for Luna, Sol, Pleiades Galactic Super Alignment. Note to self: shaved kitty, foot binding and schizoid bus-cas aren’t gonna cut it anymore…

  10. “Summer on Neptune”, thought Adriana, a Pisces (Rising Aries) with Libra Moon “Not such a delusional idea afterall”.

    “This space rocket outfitted as a retro Vintage aeroplane TOTALLY matches my Vintage shoes” thinks John, the Gemini Rising Virgo.

    The Scorpio Cat Nazareth observes that this planet looks just like one big kitty-litter bowl to him. He can’t wait to dish on it to his dna enhanced supercat friends back home.

  11. From Le Chat Vogue – Salome, the famous cat model, offers advice for other felines, struggling to maintain a sense of nobility in an Age of Uranus Square Pluto.

    ‘Choose your servants wisely, As you can see, Bertrand and Clarissa match beautifully with my natural colour. [‘yes of course this is my natural colour! What a question to ask! No, I’m not revealing my age’]

    ‘Two are better than one to ensure one is always fed on time. Get two of the taller ones: the short ones are loud and coarse and always want to pull your tail. Make sure they get the latest Vuitton carrier and teach them how to carry you to best show off one’s figure. Never eat stuff that comes from tins. I only ever eat fresh fish, a bit of liver for one’s taurine levels, and imbibe distilled water. Oh, all right, the ocassional champagne is fine. But don’t overdo it. And always let one of them lead the way to shoo away nasty dogs, paparazzi, old boyfriends, creditors, other types of low life.’

    ‘Oh, and only ever by private jet, lest they want to put you in with the servants’ luggage.’

  12. The woman’s a Cap undergoing a serious Pluto transit. The guy’s a Libran trying to run from Saturn. The cat? Probably stolen from a Pisces doing heavy Neptune hooch- they figured they were “rescuing” the cat.

    The caption? Well, these three are channeling Hunter S. Thompson: “Buy the ticket, take the ride.” The woman’s chic checkered handbag is actually filled with a vast selection of designer chemicals to gain deep Plutonic insights.

    (Sounds like something me and by best Librain buddy would get up to if we had the cash!)

  13. After having there caviar and expensive luggage bounced around by a thunderstorm en route from Boston to Cape Town. They had to make an immediate emergency landing on a isolated asphalt strip, In conjunction with a merc retro engine failure they endure a bumpy but safe landing then realize there attire is ridiculosly over the top for the new location..and kitti is a sitting duck for mosquitos.

  14. Lyle (Aquarius Sun, Saggitarius Moon) finds the smell of the air in this new land curious and exciting. FInally free of Neptune he’s ready to escape into the reality of a new country. Ofcourse he insisted on bringing Milo (Pisces Sun, Libra Moon), as he’s the only one who understands him. Claire (Capricorn Sun, Virgo Moon) isn’t even sure why she agreed to this move and is ready to get back on the plane and go home, Pluto can go to hell, Lyle’s crazy -this 3rd world country is not the tropical paradise he promised.

  15. the obviously jealous virgo lady is offended and asked in a sugar coated voice “honey, what is SHE doing here”
    he (maybe aries) looks like he’s seeing his ex-fiance who is still gorgeous and/or even the pilot, while the cat is just chillin’ 😉

  16. “Get back on the plane SImon. My mother’s here. Christ. And she’s bought that fuqing dog.”

    Context is everything. Why is it these pair look like such twats?

  17. What a Bast Darling!, is that the Pope I see?, i knew it, my Moschino mane would have been just purrrfect, matched your Do too. Keep smiling or whatever it is you do, thank christ ive got four lives left, my human’s got me on my bad side….god i miss Anubis!

  18. lady: cap sun, aqua rising, leo moon
    gentleman: virgo sun, virgo rising, libra moon

  19. It’s the calculated Virgo newlyweds. Western medicine labeled them pathological, limited their aesthetic and perfectionistic pursuits as a disorder of the obsessive compulsive kind– but they knew better. They understood the stars and planets, and researched their areas of influence. They paid great amounts of money for the best astrologists to generate and interpret their charts. They had the cosmos by the cojones. They knew better.

    Their Virgo Suns allowed them the precision to travel in white without a single fleck of dust or dirt to mar their garments. Virgo husband understood that via his meticulous and religious applications of SPF 50 every 2 hours, his legs were colorless enough to allow a seamless transition from white trousers to taupe shoes– without the bother of white socks. Virgo wife never allows her coif a stray hair or brassy tint, and as her ‘do perfectly crowns her UV-less face, so too does her matching sweater lay precisely pleated across her virginal bosom.
    Their beloved cat Spica (she named her) has never known the grotesque burden of cat hair, as her people dutifully remove each and every unsightly outgrowth on the creature: they could never lower their standards to wanton shedding and vomited hair, not one of the three of them.

    Understand, though, that the Virgo newlyweds are not slaves to their Suns: they are whole beings, and complete expressions of all their planetary influences. For example, take their obvious late degrees of Pluto in Libra: He wears a fuck-you-white, *blue* tinted shirt, and she dons a pair of fuck-you-balanced-hair/sweater-combo, *green* tinted heels (and bares a less-than-virginal amount of thigh)! He allows stubble on his face! Her batty sunglasses brazenly match nothing! They Allow The (litterbox-using) Cat To Share Their Bed!!

    Carefully, they planned their wedding with all relevant astro transitions and such in mind. Of course. Under the watchful eye of Saturn, immersed in the Zap Zone, they scaled down their wedding ceremony from a pond-full of white mated swans to just one, and they decided that their white carriage would be more prudently drawn by four white horses instead of six. Instead of offering guests all manner of imbibements, they limited spirits to the palest of wines and champagne only. They were savvy, indeed.

    The Virgo newlyweds timed their departure for their honeymoon at the exact moment that Saturn would turn retrograde; they could not compromise this day by sacrificing his father’s private company jet to fly them to their first day of forever together. They predicted that while Saturn was preoccupied, they could tiptoe away from his chalkboard, out of his classroom, and have the kind of fairytale honeymoon that the haphazardly-dressed 99% (wet) dream of having, full of excess and leisure and incessant showering… Bleach white spa towels… White sandy beaches…

    They consulted, calculated, and took a lot of notes. They synchronized their time pieces. They ironed their underpants. They mused that they might extend their honeymoon and stay on the island until October, when Saturn will have moved away from their Plutos (and into that unbalanced, unmotivated, and uncomposed other sign). They did not fool themselves by thinking they might escape the Zap Zone; however, their research assured them that their precision, hard work, and planetary gravitas would not allow major cosmic impediments to the life they were born to live.

    Virgo husband carries Spica to the jet– runways are dirty, after all, and he knows that the size of his hands make him better at carrying Spica than his wife’s hands do. Virgo wife purposefully follows them up the steps with their summer wardrobe deliberately folded to fit inside of her hatbox.

    The Virgo Three are almost aboard the jet– almost out of the classroom, so to speak– when a panicked voice calls to them from the tarmac. It’s his father’s accountant, yelling and waving his arms, veins popped around his head like rings around… well, you know.

    “Wait! Wait!” he yells. “You can’t go! Don’t board the plane!”

    The newlyweds stop as he charges toward the plane. What?

    “The Buffet Rule just passed– and we’re being audited! Oh dear Hades in hell: We’re being AUDITED!”

    • HAHAHA Scorporation, that is awesome. So very virgo! still giggling. xxxx

  20. The fact that so many of you wonderful peeps saw this from the cat’s perspective reaffirms my belief that you are all on a higher plane of existence, lol. These were all so awesome, I can’t stop giggling. “Join the Feline Revolution”, I say.

    And yes, Mystic, you are SO right, we Librans need non-stop insight right now! Occult, fortune cookie, I’ll take whatever I can get. I know I need it, so admitting I have a problem is the first step, right, lol?

    I feel certain the woman’s overnight bag contains hair products for her and perfumed chamois cloths to bathe the hairless feline. And sunscreen.

  21. Nightmare of the Libra-Libra couple. Her Leo Moon and his Gemini Rising usually make them savvy travel companions, but they didn’t hear the captain in their private jet whilst busy engaging in a little LOLA (Libra on Libra Action).

    “Jonathan I told you not to wash Kitty with the colours, now he clashes with my taupe tones”

    “Sorry Jacqui, I’ll Sards him as soon as we check in to the Burj Khalifi. And I’ll need to switch from Linen to Wool-blends, I thought it would have been hotter in Dubai”

    “Jonathan. Jonathan! Look at the Arrivals Gate”

    “Oh. Oh no Jacqs…”


  22. Caption –
    Gen Y Virgo ‘family’ on holiday.
    Virgo Him – “OMG! I’m taking on foreign nano particles! Did you pack the masks?”
    Virgo Her – “Relax, Pumpkin. My 120 litre Louis Vuitton holds enough organic masques to zap any skin problem.
    Virgo Pussy – “Mee – owsque, si vous plait?”

  23. ” Jesus, who is that psycho-nut in the floral crimplene ? ”

    ” That’s my Mother ” .

  24. to truly embrace your bitch LIllith, you can’t just have red hair. You have to do red hair…not the same as a red hairdo.

  25. Motto for ZZ: first ask yourself ‘WWBD/WWPHBD’* Having determined the answer, DO THE OPPOSITE.

    WWBD = what would Becks Do
    WWPD = what would Posh have Becks do’

  26. – Copper Girl:
    “Oh, this is actually not what I’ve expected. Humidity is less than 28%. We only have 7 hours to deliver the XNA. Please contact the mother ship and let them know we are proceeding with the Omega protocol. ”

    “Done. I’ve sent them a trans message. ”

    -Not Sphynx:
    “Ok, let’s do this fast, my polyurethane skin is getting hot!”

    -Director X:

    (Filming of the movie “The Silent Pluto”)

  27. Wonderful! Even in parallels you can’t just ask for directions? Now you look like a woman I need a manicure. & I seem to have adopted a cat.. wait where’s grams?

  28. “Her flight to the Festival de Caracas de El Tránsito de Venus 2025 diverted by weather, a non-plussed but nonetheless elegant in suede Donatella Versace arrives in Allentown Pennsylvania in the arms of her devoted great grandson Paolo and family friend Rupert Grint.”

    • hahaha I was so in the weeds when I wrote ^. 2nd day of migraine and upper respiratory infection. Was meant to be “2125” transit of Venus.

  29. They took one look and re-boarded with their feet never touching the pavement. She decided that it was true what ‘they’ say: you can never go home again. Clarence, NY was a sh*t hole and she always knew it.


  30. the woman, sag with aries rising… saying goodbye to something, maybe something she left on the plane… she looks aware, but not intimidated by what is before her,, does she think she forgot something? The bald cat is cool, maybe representing a secret knowledge that is creating an eagerness in the model holding it. good poses, a nice shot, perplexing.

  31. They just arrived at Palm Springs Airport….107f lately…

    She’s thinking “it’s hot as fuck”

    He’s like “omg….abort…”

  32. Gemini Landing aka Off to see the eclipse

    “I don’t own a camera so I travel with my brother who’s really good at sketching”

  33. LOL! U guys are hilarious, seriously. But please ensure you don’t post as anonymous for these things or you cannot win.

    Despite heaps of wonderful entries, there can only be one winner and i am giving this one to Scorporation…Please email me to get your year’s sub to Mega Mystic babe!

    Or an extra year on top of what you got already x