This is not a joke. I actually did fall in love with a Leo with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Fleeing a several month long period of crushing personal tragedy (family member – suicide, close girlfriend – fatal illness, enough said) I ran away to work on a luxury goods magazine in Asia. Grief does strange things to you. I hooked up with my Leo editor/boss my second day of work. He told me to watch out as he had N.P.D. but that he disagreed with the diagnosis. He was hot. He had boxes of Chanel perfumes and champagne all over his desk.I decided he couldn’t have that much going wrong with him.
Here’s a little ditty on the highlights (lowlights) of going out with a frigging NPD Leo when you’re so doped up on grief you can’t see straight:
You discover he has had three big courses of plastic surgery: lip suction, a chin tuck and a tummy tuck. The plus side of his excessive vanity is that he actually does notice when you’ve had a haircut / worn a new dress/ lipstick etc.
He leaves a really important work meeting because he needs to get his highlights done at the salon then texts you to demand you deliver him a sandwich while he’s getting the foils put in
He roars at you about how selfish you are if you deign to ask him if he’s done something he clearly hasn’t (installed a computer in the office for the new staff member, bought a fridge for the new office when he drove 120 kms into the nearest big city, no, he bought himself a heart rate monitor, new shirt and new runners instead then drove back. Everyone has been BYOing milk to work because there is no fridge.)
He literally announces he has finished something by saying ‘I’m awesome.’
He has such a crazy weird jealous streak he doesn’t talk to you for two days because you left the office to do an interview and he didn’t know where you were for 20 whole minutes.
When he’s had a few drinks he becomes the loudest person in the room and cuts everyone off even more than usual so it’s quite insane to witness, then pays for everyone’s drinks to make up for it.
He never starts a conversation by asking a question, but rather proclaiming his awesomeness in whatever realm he feels is the focus of that meeting.
He has no male friends. Only ‘staff’ who he bosses around. I kid you not.
He needs the entire ensuite walk-in wardrobe in our house for his clothes and i have to hang mine up in a bedroom cupboard downstairs.
He has about 50 hand made italian shirts
He buys designer watches online when he’s stressed
His favourite thing to do after abusing his staff / girlfriend , and crushing their self esteem is to go and buy the nearest victim an expensive gift – iPod, vintage wine, clothes for example -.
His Facebook status updates are always about the latest thing he has bought.Again, i kid you not.
When you are being ‘selfish’ and crying as it’s the first anniversary of your best friend since childhood’s death, someone he never met as you weren’t’ in a relationship yet, he walks in and throws the mail at you then says “I don’t know why you expect me to feel upset about it. I mean, I never met the girl.” You then borrow a book on grief from the library and he throws it out in the rubbish bin in a fit of rage and says ‘you’re wallowing, I’m helping you move on’.
Oh!!! I forgot to tell you something else he did after we broke up – I told him I’d broken my foot last year after we hadn’t spoke for 18 months and was finding it hard to hop around and not exercise for 3 months and he took it as a great entree to complain about a scratch on his face (YES) that he got while surfing in Hawaii!!!! AS in ‘yeah things haven’t been the best for me either’!!!
Love, the Pisces In Paradise.
PS: But he was really, really really good in bed. A therapist friend told me that people with N.P.D. quite often are.
Image: Ernest Chiriaka