Transitioning-To-Virgo For Beginners

Filed in Astro Gaga, Virgo

Miles AldridgeWallpaper Magazine

Far fuqing out, it’s like everything is shifting into Virgo all of a sudden. First Venus, now the Sun, soon the New Moon, Mercury and then flipping Mars in Virgo for eight centuries or – okay – months but it won’t exactly fly by now will it? Soon this Baccarat crystal tumbler of Black Pearl limited edition cognac will be a something eco-glass full of ionized spring water with chlorophyll and i’ll be back in bloody birkies, working 24-7, doing yoga instead of unsuitable lovers, what can be measured can be managed…you’ll find me in the gluten-free aisle.  Art? Who needs empty chatter, pretentious calories and warm chardonnay at gallery openings when one has an exfoliation fetish? 




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49 thoughts on “Transitioning-To-Virgo For Beginners

  1. 70s Bermuda Triangle…
    Solarity Ablaze was elongated in her Halston couture swimsuit, by the pool, thinking out the potential future liquidity of her fondue sauces, just as her recent ‘it’s all cool, ex’, Rex, bounds up poolside…
    S: “Hi ! What a surprise! How are you today Rex?”
    R: “You know, last night, I was thinking so much about Lil (Lilith)- and what a hard life Lil’s had, and how when we saw each other in Acapulco last week, I dunno, something so unreal happened with us this time Sol, but we never had sex, like I said before. I told her, ‘you’ve never had a man to look after you have you,’ and she said ‘No’ – she hadn’t”.…(awkward silence)
    S: “Yes, a blast from the past for you Rex, maybe it was all, well – synchronicity?”
    R: “Yeah, dunno know why she was with that drugged out husband after me, and why she’s so in debt now, or what that’s about, but it feels so right, I got a message from Lil last night, she’s in transit back to Vegas now, and she’s going to ring me when she gets there, and she says that she feels guilty for breaking you and me up and all…” (silence)
    S: “Well it’s so not anyone’s fault, and I have no hard feelings for anyone”
    R: “Yeah right, anyway got to run, see you doll” (gets up and leaves).
    Solarity thinks to herself, ‘I am so not hanging about in this thriller!’ (Gets on phone immediately to Parker and arranges solo transit back to New York…with an XL block of soap for the flight spa.)

  2. “Doing yoga instead of unsuitable lovers” needs to be my new bumper sticker.
    The pearls that roll off Mystics tongue.. I tell ya.

  3. bahaha i laughed aloud thrice while reading these comments
    love everyone’s intelligence & wit!

    (from a leo-sun/ 8th house virgo-venus & virgo-merc)

  4. I always do quite well under the influence of a bit of Virgo despite protestations and whinging to the contrary – I’m always under the influence of a bit of Virgo anyway, since many of my friends either are Virgo’s or have strong Mars, Moon and Venus in Virgo placements.

    So today I bought my first pack of Nicabate … feeling a bit speedy!!!! Is this Virgo having its way with me? Or just the incessant hawking cough every three friggin minutes? Who cares … I may not be entirely ready, but looks like it’s time anyway. Wish me luck … I’ll bloody well need it.

      • Waking up choking and not being able to breathe for about half a minute last night was certainly convincing groover!

        • I found Nicabate VERY speedy. Don’t sleep with them on! Mornings are good on them though. Unless you’re breezing into work on the zing and pissing off the sleepy-quiet colleagues.

          And look after your skin where the patches go. It burns.

          Ever read Allen Carr? You might hate his style…not sure…but some chapters are sensible.

          GOOD LUCK, PROWLN.

  5. as a pisces with a very tight sun-saturn opposition…i’m not giving up my lover for yoga.

    race you to the cleaning aisle.

  6. Umm, does it count as my Virgo contribution if I offer to help clean up and ship out those unsuitable lovers? Have just the place for them.

    No? OK, back to the gym and hiking up mountains it is then.

  7. I’ve got all these planets running over my Pluto/MC conjuction in early Virgo. Nitpicky? In a Plutonic way? I’m in a bit of a difference of opinion of how to present some training (dam’ Mercury retro) and they really think I don’t have all my facts triple checked? I am blowing their objections away one by one. They should just go home…

    • ha ha – know how you feel. Must be a few years older than you so I have them all about to run over my stationary Uranus at 5 degree on MC, then my Pluto-Ceres at 12 degrees which exactly opposes Jupe/Chiron in 4th house Pisces and squares my Sun/Merc. Personally, I wish they’d all do more WORK so I can stop working so hard, go home and have more freedom!
      Forthcoming Mars in Virgo transit should be explosive/intense/rebellious in our little corners of the world, eh…

  8. Don’t you just love how life is changing and how we’re all evolving right along with it? Well most of us anyway. I’m absolutely loving it!
    Bring it on! (love that. “doing Yoga instead of unsuitable lovers” … Amen.

    • no she is a LEo thinking about the virgo to come. that is what i took from it. And that is why her lips are pursed in disapproval.

    • Ohhh, I get it now. And, TLS, those ARE your legs, at least in this virtual world, that’s how we all picture you 🙂 Your sunglasses are hiding your languid eyeing of the cabana boy on the other side of the pool.

      • But a Virgo WOULD have a cocktail alongside the sunscreen bottle. Or at least this Virgo would (course I’m rising Leo, so maybe conflicted)

        • And so would I.

          In an irritatingly purist this is 500 year old aged single malt peat whiskey from Lord Whatsits distillary of yore way. Hurrah!

          I must say I am more than looking forward to the energy boost of Virgoness to my Virgo sun and Virgo stellium.

  9. If the unsuitable lovers have been a theme of all transits so far this year, I hardly think they’ll vanish just because the planets all click over into Virgo.

  10. I hope i don’t end up eating my words, but this is my most favourite part of the year so far … bring it !

    I soooooo need to whip myself into shape, so absolutely perfect !

    ( thank the Goddess for this site incase it all goes pear shaped and the Piscean ends up having me committed as excel turns into my significant other)

  11. I think this is actually making more fun of Leos who cannot transition into virgo so well.

    but i am actually looking forward to some virgo action, because then me doing my saturn transit won’t seem so boring to people who want me to go out all the time. I have been lying that i am out of town and then being sprung by people.

    i would sell my soul for those legs god damn it

    • My first thought LS – nooooooooooo say it isn’t so. **Hold heads rocking in foetal position** Its not time to pack up our toys? no its still leo naughty playtime say yes yes yes? I ‘d have a major tantrum but I had one last week and it was exhausting.

      I am meant to be grown up now but am still waiting. Ok off to virgo land we go. Good timing as the fall out from august was as follows:
      * Nearly lost 2 besties due to my hissy fits when they changed plans for my birthday drinks
      * Had to tell other Leo friends to behave themselves when meeting the lusty for the first time – nearly lost friend 3 with my tactless instructions
      (They did behave and we had a jolly good time)
      *Lusty is now in hiding thinking Im all goo goo coz i got a bit carried away last Sat- blame it on the boogie.
      *at least 3 major hangovers, many more lost brain cells and too many $ spent than earned.
      But fuq i had a good time. Goodbye Leo hellooo Virgo

  12. Ok; once my rapidly escalating irritation at being so quirkily and cleverly put down by Mystic yet again, resolved; and then I read all the clever ripostes blogged here by Virgo’s more eloquent than I, I felt that all I can say is,
    if u don’t get ur Virgo on, you’re dead in the water honey. Hah !

    • From the minutes of the last meeting of the International Federation of Virgos (held three minutes ago):

      ‘In response to a series of complaints from Tamberlaine that Mystic Medusa ‘puts Virgos down’, the Blogpost “Transitioning to Virgo for Beginners” has been analysed and assessed by a panel of expert Virgos, including Stephen Fry, Kevin Rudd and Raquel Welch, and deemed to be appropriate, accurate, edifying and stylish. It was classified and placed in the category of amusing.

      Recommendations from the panel include a sense of humour rehabilitation program for Tamberlaine consisting of a day of poking fun at Cancerians with Karl Lagerfeld, two tickling sessions with Stephen Fry and a hug from Richard Gere.’

      • “International Federation of Virgos”–very funny, they’d all be very stylishly dressed

        But, it’s funny, I never think Mystic puts Virgos down (I’m Virgo sun with major Virgo stellium). I think the opposite, actually. It seems like she identifies with Virgos, sometimes—Or she’s just good at identifying with each sign

      • I guess the IFV has Warren Buffet as Treasurer? Tom Ford as Stylist? Who holds the offices of the High Priestess of Hygiene and the Chief of Punctuation Police this year? Just imagine the AGM!

        Tamberlaine, please do accept Uber’s offer and enjoy a day of poking fun at us Cancerians. Lord knows there is plenty of material to work with 🙂

        • Warren Buffet, Goddess YES. Yes to all the above.

          Lexicorn currently holds office of High Priestess of Hygiene, and he loves it because he’s allowed to wear a special gown. All such postings are run on a rotational ballot system due to the high numbers of members clamouring for them, including a waiting list to take the minutes at the meetings. But as for Chief of Punctuation Police, Stephen King is refusing to give up the post, so Claudia Schiffer has offered to wrestle him for it.

  13. Yeah, I agree with Uber Virgo – lots of messes to clean up, especially here in the good ole messy USA. My Virgo moon is so sick and tired of not enough time to keep the house clean that she’s loving this transition, even though it squares Uranus (my ruling planet) and gives me more head-fog than I can stand, thanks to the Merc retro merde.

    I also have Venus square Mars, so need to keep the lips zipped and nag-free around the Pisces hubby. Thanks to the Uranus in Aries, I’m all about the fighting and less about the loving.

      • and how best to clean the walls—mop? squeegee? (I kid not…it’s embarrassing but true) still, I have huge piles of paperwork literally spilling off desk.

        • I find it best to dry the walls after each shower. It’s a pain in the butt and sometimes i miss, but it really cuts down on the number of times you need to thoroughly clean the shower.

          But yes, I feel a need to get new body shower brushes as well. I tried some agave rough weave cloth thing the last time. It seemed like a good choice, not too expensive and when you get tired of it you can toss it in the compost. It sucked. It wasn’t abrasive enough for me. 🙁 I apparently have tough skin.

          • I have to get very abrasive ones, too. Or, maybe I just like the most abrasive ones. The “natural” brushes are good but in my climate they get mildewy even if I try to hang it or prop it somewhere to dry out. I guess eventually bleach must be used or a new brush brought.

            But the walls I refer to are my REAL walls. I have a whole side of my house living area that is dark panels of oak (wish I could paint them all white…). I am dying to get out the Murphy’s Oil Soap and wash them. It’s sort of an obsession lately. I think I’m avoiding other things. But I like your idea of drying the shower walls to delay a deep clean:)

  14. Wow, Venus in Virgo totally explains my asshole nitpicky drunken digs at my boyfriend the other night! [when I didn’t even want to go out OR drink in the first place…]

    Gotta channel this energy into perfecting my illustrator skills as a hobby, growing my own wheatgrass or some shiz…

  15. Oooh; @Bright – “moving tidily through life events” I like the sound of it! no loose ends? i’s dotted & t’s crossed??… I de-clutter: therefore I am. Yes, we can try leave out the nit-picking, but oh we can only try…..!
    Virgo Sun/Pluto conjunct

  16. In my perfect world, everything is in Virgo, so I can make lists and follow rules and get everything done, and then move tidily through life events.

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Mystic Medusa