Oh it’s ravingly retro all right but who thinks nudity colonies or whatever the hell they’re called are a completely genius idea, free, natural and how we are all meant be living, sky-clad etc….?
And who thinks that the invention of dinky little fig leaves and then so-on to cover our bits was the best thing ever and that even a nude beach is hideously tacky, the nightmare of horrors?
Your Sun Sign?
My theory is that Sagittarians love the idea of it, they go all Rousseau about it, Aquarians quote Margaret Mead and love the tribal vibe of it but they secretly think there should be some sort of a caste system for who is actually allowed to go in the nud.
Arieans would all be streakers if they could afford the fines and well, don’t all Scorpios have exhibitionist-flashing style fantasies?
Or is theirs more along the lines of going-to-the-supermarket-in-trench-coat-with-fancy-knickers-underneath.
Taurus: No. Not respectable. One could catch chilblains or get a nasty mite up one’s thingie.
Gemini: No. Boring as batshit. Gems like to accessorize.
Crab: Noooooo. Crab-Peeps like privacy and private moonbathing.
Leo: Not really. Though the fantasy of it with them in super-mod form, dripping in bling and diving off someone’s yacht sort of appeals.
Virgo: Holy fuq NO. And i actually attended a nude beach with Not-The-Typical-Virgo once (we only went topless) and she would not shut up. It was very amusing but eventually we were asked to leave and i am convinced it was because of her comments.
Libra: Yick. Librans will pretend to love ‘nature’ or ‘bushwalks’ or ‘letting it all hang out’ if they have a big enough crush on someone but they would really rather be clothed and strolling around the mall, at an art gallery in (again) clothes or naked under their towelling robe waiting for the facial to begin.
Capricorn: Only if there were a C.E.O. or biz backer at the nude commune that the Cap needed to meet. And then Cap would be there, exfoliated, waxed spray tanned and urbanely shaking hands with the other nudists not at all phased by the experience.
Pisces: Nudity at a nudist colony is not spontaneous enough for Pisceans. They prefer to spring it at unexpected yet piquantly opportune moments; table top dancing at the local Arabian restaurant or when breaking up with someone.
Image: Keith Negley
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