Astro-Gaga: What Are Their Signs & What Is Happening Here?

Woman in turquoise evening gown with scuba diverHer astrologer had said there was NOTHING inherently wrong with a Leo dating a Sagg. That in fact, they were really compatible, both Fire Signs and that there was WAY more to their chemistry than just the Sun Signs.

So when he said he didn’t like formal occasions, how the hell was she to suspect the absurd lengths he would go to avoid one???

Her Sagittarius lover is equally confused. She’d said something about Scorpio Rising making her intense and loving, which he had taken to mean ‘goes off in bed’ – not that she would stalk him all the way to Sardinia where he is just hanging out with a few mates.

Two Year Daily Mystic Sub ($144) to the person who can do better!

Image: Vogue Paris Mikael Jansson

Notify of
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

No way, that is crazed!! Thank you – I didn’t think lightning was allowed to strike twice, as much as I love the thrill of the Astro GaGa. a) Mystic, I took a photo especially for you yesterday, I’ll try and muster un-Cap-like technology skills and extract it from the camera and send. b) Can Scorpio Space Queen please have her own series of illustrated sexual space adventures?! I see her as a kind of Lilith incarnation of Barbarella. c) The big Capricorn Moon looks gorgeous and golden through misty volcano-ash skies, but she has made me decidedly sappy and… Read more »

Pisces in CQ

yes congrats Lexicorn!


yes congrats!x

love the scorpio space queen! 😉


Cool congrats Lexicorn, you rock! Loved it!

scorpalicious robot

Congratulations Lex!! and yes Mystic, more Scorpio Space Queen please 🙂


Yep shes a Leo who was glamming up for a bit of brekkie with Aries boyfriend; when out of the blue, as quick as you can say Uranus, hes gone scuba bloody diving! Hes the figure in the background on the left, just about to dive in! Now after the dramatic stalk shes stuck here with Gemini scuba instuctor droning on with irrelevant distractions so he can dodge this girl and get diving! Shes not listening. whilst catching glimpses of her intense reflection in the diving mask, shes got plan B ticking over in her head…and trying to remember where… Read more »


No, no, NO. She’s a VIRGO with Scorpio Asc. She was born on a cusp and is exactly two hours and eight minutes away from being an actual Leo. omg, when will people get it right? Anyway, that’s actually the Aquarian sketch artist (Pisces Asc) who was supposed to go out on a date with Lady Virgo, but cancelled last minute to go on this scuba thingy on some colorful reef that’s supposed to bring visual enlightment or something like that. Oh, and commuting with fellow fish. Ever since he saw Finding Nemo he’s been curious to see exactly how… Read more »


Jemima stared in disdain at her stupid wet boyfriend. She thought back to when this all began eight months ago. It had been fun being with him at first but now she was getting sick of his antics. She had spent hours getting ready for tonight and now she finds him down at the harbour diving!! Had he forgot all about her??? Forgot her BIRTHDAY??? Even though he had told her he had a surprise planned?! To think, she had hoped something good might happen tonight, even managed to get there early for once.. what an idiot she’d been!!! She… Read more »


well…. i bet that’s the last time he says he dropped his wedding ring down the sink… she’s still looking and he’s sticking to his story.


In the World after 2012, Sanity once again reigned. Still, the right amount of Chaos was hard to achieve and the Gods were hard at work meddling in human and non-human affairs. The Lady Capricornia sashayed down to the lake that was slowly leaking into a fissure in the earth . ‘That crazy-arse Neptune’, she thought, ‘MORE messengers!! I won’t marry him, I’m not as stupid as Artemis. Virgin fool, could’ve told her it wouldn’t work. I’ll show him where he can stick his Trident.’ Iceland was quite sunny since the Volcano had blown up – along with that other… Read more »


very scholarly andromeda! …kiss away the morning hours… mmmmm sounds good.

piscean pied-a-terre

She: a Leo with Scorpio ascendant He: a Sagittarius with Scorpio ascendant Supposed to be going to HER high school reunion, at upscale beach location. SHE has to trump THEM all with HER brilliant taste and style, plebs that they are. HE thinks upscale beach location = great opportunity to go scuba diving with his mates. HE hates formal shit – “it’s hypocritical”. SHE had thought the worst he could do for a formal function was the last time they’d had an event – he’d worn a dinner suit – but with a Guns ‘N Roses T-shirt underneath it, all… Read more »


She is a – Taurus (definitely- i am one), have dealt this look to a Scorpio (of course), a Cancer (for a few too many years running – so had botox), and can see myself potentially dealing it to a cheeky Pisces i know, but having learnt my lesson with the other two, if i was that dressed up for a party i’d be getting AMONGST it, rather than reliving the agony or wasting the quality champers that would no doubt be served at a party on the european coastline. So can’t speculate on his sign, he’s a man –… Read more »


Guys are searching for her husband’s dead body, who’s murder was arranged by her (la Scorp), but suddenly the lady realized he wore that magical ring of power she didn’t know was sooooooo awesome, until his grandmother mentioned it, and now she wants it BACK! Pronto!

The guy is James Bond actually, and she just began to realize.

scorped out

Agreed: Scorp + Sag lovers on holidays visiting the family “Nooo you said we were going out on the boat with your family. That’s all you said! Like I’m supposed to know it means frolicking about like morons! You KNOW this kind of ‘family fun’ pisses me off… especially the wet kind… but I still came! Because I’m NICE, fuck you. And now you say you want me to go IN the water. Wearing THAT?! Like I live on celery sticks for FUN? Re-think, baby, re-think it fast! And who pray tell is that sitting on your left? Yes, i… Read more »

unpredictable pisces

i am not even going to try and compete here, but that green dress IS amazing.


This lot of He is She is is the very best that’s been done in my opinion.
What a brillinat bunch we have here.
French Champagne all round.


Oh rubbish,
She’s the pisces little mermaid, who’s just gone thru hell – gave up her tail (pisces) for a tongue (mercury) to walk her walk but not talk her talk – every man’s dream, c’est what! And NOW she sees he’s a gd toadthingey, NavySeal, creature from black lagoon/er gulf of ….
She cried a river over him and then she dove back into the ocean of tears,


she is a crab with scorpio ascendant and venus in taurus and she wants this dress VERY BAD

Ãœber Virgo

Leo Russian mafia princess hurled a queen sized full moon in scorp hissy on the deck of Papa’s yacht, the Anna Karenina, flinging her Boucheron sapphire and diamond bracelet into the swirling drink, aka the Mediterranean. Papa Vlad the Tauro, in debt to a Columbian cokelord, needs every last million and calls in (bribes) the Maltese navy. Princess, dressed for champagne pilates is seen addressing Piscean frogman. ‘Vat you mean you can’t vind it? You call yourself navy seal? In my country we send you to dive in Siberia.’ etc Piscean frogman hasn’t heard a word. He’s sizing up the… Read more »


…Delia Antwerp Aars does… the witness protection program…?


Oh Über,
I love when you talk about a man in rrrrubber!

panther zora

She – Cancer Sun, Scorpio Rising and Leo Moon – is very perturbed that her minions have yet to fully commit themselves to Phase 1 of her complex yet air-tight plan to take over the world and rule it as Queen. What’s worse is that her love-slave Pisces has been flirting with the other minions instead of doing his damn job! Currently, she is making him feel like shite and extracting his feeble and insincere promises to “do better next time.”


I zhort you said you ver a frock man, not a bloody frog man.

Lexicon Limbo

Brilliant one-liner Nat – lmao!

Ãœber Virgo

Yes, yes nat. Brevity is the soul of wit etc and you’re brilliant etc but what signs?


Princess Tatiana Tsarina of Ekaterinburg is a statuesque Aquarian with Scorpio and a foul temper rising.

Jean-Françoise Petit Verdot, the diminutive French frog man, is a Pisces with Neptune in his 3rd house. Nobody listens a thing he says. Tatiana is about to discover just what Mars & Jupiter in his 8th House and Scorpio in his 7th means. This poisson dives deep for love.

Ãœber Virgo

Beautiful astro analysis. Bravo.

unpredictable pisces

you haf always ze vay viss words, fraulein natalia 🙂


OK. Jean-Francoise Petit Verdot is my favourite fake name ever submitted to these ramblings! The little french frog man with his, ummm, ‘tadpole’ rising, must feature in our stories again some time.


ah mais oui. Loved yours too Lexicorn, tres clever. Hows the trip going? Glad you can still pop in here.. its like you never left 🙂


unfortunately, my office feels the same way…!
I’m having a fabulous time thanks love, although not achieving as much as the little Cap voice in my head tells me too… 🙂
Bless the Mystic forum and all those who sail within, a perfect remedy for the occasional bouts of homesickness.

Salacious Sagg

nat this is short and sweet like a donkey’s kick! heh heh : >


Sheeeesh Sag, thought you was gonna write Donkey’s ick but that a SIZE
expression, i believe.

Salacious Sagg

You are way baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad Pegs! ; > I can see where you mind is! : >


When you’re on your honeymoon, you’re supposed to be together! Not off to scuba-dive all morning after your newlywed wife says she doesn’t want to get wet. Well, the guy’s got it coming- high-strung and controlling Aries Moon is unleashed like some mad-as-hell, psychotic tigress watching her man join some tourist group of complete strangers from the doorstep of their suite. Something in her snaps. Before she realizes it, her hand reaches inside the wallet he leaves behind. There it is. Sparkling platinum. She shrugs off the very brief remorse; she’s got Venus in Scorpio, she can’t help it and… Read more »

unpredictable pisces

that’s kind of cute!

Pisces in CQ

She – a Taurus – has glammed up for the sensual photo shoot he had promised and yes, he had been honest in telling her others of his professional standing in the photographic world would also be present to assess her suitability for further career advancement in the modelling world howwever what HE HADN’T told her was the water shoot would actually BE in the water. What the Aries photographer doesn’t realise is her outfit has actually been stitched on and there is no way in hell that it’s coming off without a struggle. Heck, the diamond watch alone is… Read more »


The latest James Bond girl listening to James demanding the producers replace this Demi Moore lookalike with talented and beautiful Mystic Medusa!
“Give her whatever she wants, I don’t care, just get her under contract or I walk!”



Funny, I had the same inclination. I see a very James Bond vs. some hot female villain with a naughty name happening here. What accent should she have? I say: Pisces mermaid/siren luring in a man who will be at home in her world, sure let’s say Saggitarius for him, does ANYTHING else go with that get-up? He’s intrigued but incapable of staying in once place, she’s trying for a mermaid to mortal transformation but it’s always: he’s in the water when she’s got legs, she’s back in the water when he’s off for another adventure. They just can’t seem… Read more »


pussy galore in couture x


Scorpio space queen with Aries rising says…

“you may have finally entrapped me in planet scuba but i will never succumb to your amphibious ways.
I spit on your latex flesh
I split my skirt seam in you face
I reject your Neptune transit and I blind you with my human-genome perfected collar bone
Your people may have harnessed the power of poly-cotton-lycra but my crew hand sew satin with tulle.
fuck off or fuck me but DO NOT get this outfit wet…
it’s a rental… “


lol you should write a script Lexicorn – “The slightly deranged sexual exploits of Scrop Space Queen and Latex Boy”


Didn’t think anyone could top Mystic, but Lexicorn’s is brilliant. . . I want to borrow that attitude!


Okay, you rock.

Ãœber Virgo

Sheer poetry, Lex.

Salacious Sagg

Lex! Wow! : > You are truly hilarious, lurve your style!


ahhh I was going to go latex fetishist
love it.

"year of the fox"

OMG! THIS!!!!!


Aaw shucks lovelies. 🙂
Twas midnight in Berlin with a couple of stein’s under the belt and a Saggo full moon sitting in my window – good for the ‘free-associations’ Ja. xx

scorpalicious robot

brilliant Lex!! 🙂


She is a Taurus, who, irked at the constant ‘stubborn’ label has decided to date a Scorp scuba instructor a la opposites attract, walk on wild side etc etc.

It’s their first date and she feels the black lacy sleeve is a daring sexy concession to the scuba Scorp while he is fully expecting her to go the the depths asap – submerge then merge!

She is totally rethinking this and wondering where she left her iphone so that she can dial up the limo and reservations apps and get out, stalking slowly but very surely off…

Scroll to Top