“When genius interacts with mediocre minds, expect violent opposition.”
HAUTE PISCES IS…
AMAZING Pisceans pull off the miraculous every day. Whether it be something spectacular, turning water into wine like Jesus Christ whom scholars think was more likely to be Pisces (that is, born in March) than a Capricorn (who would have become chief carpenter to Pontius Pilate rather than have himself crucified), turning around their own life or brightening that of another, their presence can be a constant reminder that miracles are all around us. French tightrope walker Charles Blondin was the first (and last) person to successfully cross Niagara falls on stilts.
ALLURING Their charm is supernatural. They tune into the subtle needs of people around them, providing whatever is required at that moment. They effortlessly project sensual innocence, a trait capable of making certain types fall instantly in love with them. In others, Pisces induces a besotted state by bringing out their bawdy hedonism or deep understanding.
COSMIC Pisceans don’t believe in the universe. They believe in a “multiverse.” Pisceans aren’t futuristic like Aquarius. They are past, present, and future concurrently. Pisceans are said to be big on forgiveness and this gentle aura can confuse the more predatory people around them. They think Pisces looks like a walkover. Pisces smiles and says “I forgive you,” and they do! What the predator doesn’t get is that the cosmos doesn’t forgive. Pisces knows how to “register” the insult at a higher level and walk away.
COMPASSIONATE Piscean kindness is legendary. They can be utterly saint-like in their gracious taking in of the lost or lovelorn. Expecting no thanks, they give, give and give again without weirdo motives. It’s like they think it’s their duty. Maybe it is?
EMPATHETIC Unlike Virgos who can’t resist a quick little “told you so”, Pisceans do not sit in judgement. Other signs pretend to listen with lots of little coos but butt in with a “something like that happened to me once!” Pisceans get it. Their eerie sympathy shines out in the Fishy aura with the result that people start telling them stuff even when the poor Pisces is a child. The Fish kid is the one picked out by the tipsy adult to hear all about the failed marriage, desire for liposuction, fear of mortality…whatever. And the desire to confess to Pisceans never stops. Fish folk grow up thinking this is normal. Naturally, it can be a blight on Pisces’ life. When it’s all too much they need to channel cousin Capricorn and learn how to snarl “it’s not convenient”.
A MAGICAL-REALIST Even as children, so many Pisceans believe they have been here before. While other kids are busy acting out the latest juvenile pop-culture thing, Pisces is doodling hieroglyphics or interpreting their dreams. They see the enchantment in everyday life, scrying the white noise in between-channel moments of the television for cosmic clues, divining oracles in birds or graffiti, or seeing the beauty of the flowering weed pushing up through the footpath. Whether they consciously know it or not, they are aligned with the occult (aka unseen powers) of the worlds around us.
“F**k them. Remember, this is the shortest prayer in the world. F**k them.
IMPOSSIBLE One moment Pisces is playing worldly wise citizen of the world. The next, they’ve tuned into their always-close-to-the-surface inner teen and are consulting the I-Ching for insight into some hopeless crush they’ve managed to develop, or seeing how their kissing style feels on the inside of their arm. Or, if forced out of their bedroom and into attending a social function, muttering angrily into their mobile. Pisceans are perfectly happy to sit there chain-smoking and sculling gin while bitching about the evils of white flour. Their seedy state the following morning is quite clearly due to a food sensitivity, you understand. Probably from something you cooked them. If a Pisces manages to vaguely eschew their preferred lifestyle of feckless hedonism for five minutes, they’re enormously self-congratulatory. A Pisces who conducts a civilised relationship for three weeks, buys new clothes without a hyperventilating anxiety attack in the middle of the store, or speaks to an authority figure without dissolving into hysterical giggles is a Pisces on the verge of organising a lecture tour to share the secrets of their success.
SNEAKY Pisceans go online and offline but nobody ever notices. If your energy doesn’t vibe with theirs, they are offline but the hype and gush continues unabated. Then, if believing it, you call to ask the Pisces to a dinner party or something, they accuse you of stalking them. Their need to be all things to all people can turn ugly. Even mega-pagan Pisces still wants the priest to be impressed at the Piscean’s innate holiness. Trying to pin them down on some moral issue is almost impossible. Pisces simply figures on which character they are supposed to be playing and goes within to find their motivation. For people who ostensibly believe so much in beauty and truth, they are horrifyingly good liars, embellishing everything to suit their agenda. But the agenda slides around and only Pisces has any hope of keeping track of it.
SLEAZY Yes, the Pisces is non-judgmental. But that’s partly because they elicit so much more juicier info that way. Beneath that Fishy “I’m okay, you’re okay” smirk is a Rolodex brain rifling through all the possible connections and ramifications, flipping out with glee. They adore interfering in other people’s lives. Should Pisces decide your lover is beneath you, Pisces will helpfully – in their mind – start looking for your true soul mate as well as doing their best to undermine the apparently inferior scenario. Pisceans believe in freedom of choice and that nobody should ever, ever interfere in another’s right to live their life how they choose. Unless it’s the Fish who’s doing the interfering. That’s okay, of course, because Pisces is such a blissed-out cosmic child of the “multiverse”. The Pisces “do what thou wilt” theories evaporate the second it doesn’t suit them – that is if it’s you doing what thou wilt.
UNREALISTIC This lot can be so not into reality that they wind up as utter cadgers, sponging off the “straights” they expect to look after them while honouring the Piscean genius. For Pisces to be able to create, they need a clean and serene environment. Someone – not the Pisces, obviously – needs to rise at dawn to perform space-cleansing in preparation for Pisces (who has been in a lengthy dream-analysis session, aka sleeping in) to be the graciously living creative person. Pisces wants a towering pile of glossy magazines to trigger the brilliance, and Pisces gets. Or else. Ditto, the jag of throwing out all the music to start again. Or, the special trip away so that Pisces doesn’t need to think about boring old bills. If anyone made a sci-fi film about a Pisces, it would be called The Procrastinator and feature a time-travelling droid with red eyes gliding around telling people its spaced-out excuses for not completing…anything. Pisceans believe in everything in moderation, including – obviously – moderation itself.