Dancing With Dickheads: What Your Enemies Taught You

Filed in Sun Signs

Harry Potter Dolores Umbridge drinking tea

“Wise men learn many things from their enemies.” Aristophanes.

And wise women too, for sure. I think every sage has a variation on this sentiment. Sun Tzu & Katharine Hepburn et al. It’s true. If you think about it, the negative role-modelling of F-wits is often a fabulous example of what-not-to-be and their enmity a major compliment. As in, they’re so nuts, if they loathe you, perhaps you are doing something right after all. Even their criticism, though infuriating or ill-motivated, can contain a seed of insight.

The Astro-Cliche is usually that’s it is our Scorpio who is most capable of retaining emo toward an enemy.

In general, the Fixed Signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius) are most inclined to cling on to enmity or keep shit-lists in their secret drawer. Aries arc right up at the first sign of dissing. Librans consider all enemies to have deeply sad personal problems that they, the darling Libran, feels awful about but what can they do? Leos assume the neg feelings of enemies spring from extreme envy.

Taurus is – in my opinion- the most likely to be a good hater.

The Mutables (Pisces, Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius) tend to forget & airily assume that life/qi/karma/elan vitale will take care of the enemy. Capricorns bear no (official) grudge and certainly nothing that can be tracked back and used against them but they do not forget. Cancerians are surprisingly vengeful and canny when they want to be.

But let’s do it; What have your enemies taught you? And they need not be full on aggressive enemies – lessons learned from dickheads are equally applicable. I learned the hard way that if you attempt to be nice/friendly/polite to low-rent people, they take it as a sign of utter craven weakness on your part & that seeing as they’re going to loathe you ANYWAY, you may as well disengage and get on with individuating, living well et al.

Image: Dolores Umbridge – Harry Potter

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184 thoughts on “Dancing With Dickheads: What Your Enemies Taught You

  1. There is a quote something like…’know who you are by the quality of your enemies’.
    I’m proud of my enemies, they are supreme fuckwits.

    • I’m a Sagg but with a natal Saturn-Moon conjunction in 11th House Capricorn so dealing with enemies has been the hardest lesson. I still don’t think I’ve graduated from this course, so to speak. But perhaps the best antidote is to form a fortress of empathetic friends so that I don’t feel alone.

  2. Revenge is a dish best served cold?
    Who said that one!?
    My Scorpio NN deals with any Scorpionic Mars at play.

    My Saggo nature is exactly that…let Karma work it out.

  3. i know i will think of more, but one thing i have learnt is that you can trust someone..to be themselves. however good, sweet, vile or conniving that may be.

  4. I adore that you chose Dolores Umbridge to illustrate this topic.

    NN/POF/Moon/Saturn in Aries: I’ve finally learned (mostly) not to care what others think; if they’re not going to play nice (mars in libra), I’m gone.

  5. Sagg here.

    I dunno. I guess what any ‘enemy’ has ever taight me is the importance of just getting on with your life as best you know how, because you’ll never ever please everyone and someone will always dislike you or your efforts for the most trivial or irrational reasons, the same as you do.

    I also find as I get older that while I there may be people who consider me an enemy, I really don’t consider anyone else an enemy. It really is a case of realising that most people are doing the best they can with what they have, and you would want people to understand that about you.

    It doesn’t mean I LIKE everyone – let’s not go completely mental.

    Found out some personal stuff about one of the bosses on Friday that makes him seem less annoying. Although he’s of retirement age one of the main reasons he stays at work is for the social interaction; he doesn’t really have friends and he and his wife live the old ‘separate lives’ routine. It made me sad for him. Sad that he has allowed himself to become trapped like that. And grateful that I have the life I have, even with him as a boss.

  6. I think this was in the art of war or some other such book but “The enemy of my enemy is not necessarily my friend” and don’t fight a 2 front war. Basically most of these are about “confining” enemies (so they don’t work together)…you know in case you can’t win over or change your enemy in some way. And yeah as a Libra i feel bad for most of my enemies. I often try to help them in some way but they don’t like it.

    I often find if i dislike someone it’s because they on some level remind me of something i don’t like about my own self…but yeah it’s kinda rare for me to be all down on someone.

    • YotF – I totally agree with your last comment. This is probably the best lesson i’ve learnt when dealing with people who push my buttons.. I have found that nearly everytime if I get a bad reaction to someone I’ll find the thing i dislike about the most will be a weakness of mine too….

  7. omg, it’s a Libran thing to feel bad for people who get up your nose! Bummer! Yes, I do sympathise with the underdog, can’t think of enemies, but when I want to get away from being too sympathetic, I stand back and sic my old man onto people. He’s a Leo Sun, Aries Ascendant, Aries Moon and he doesn’t mind being a bovver boy. My approach to our noisy neighbour: “I’m so sorry to bother you, but would you mind terribly turning your music down, it’s 2.30am and I’d really like to get some sleep.” Rottweiler’s approach: “It’s 2.30 in the fucking morning, so turn your bloody music down or I’m calling the police.” Guess which one works best, folks?

  8. I really don’t know if I have any enemies. I take people as I see them, sometimes with liquids. If I feel no connection or adverse interaction or inter-reaction I disconnect and stay cool. Life’s too short to play the approval game. I have delightful caring entertaining friends so I concentrate on them. After the experiences with supposed friends when hubbo died, I know these darlings are real.

    • actually, I lie. I do have one known enemy but after crap’s over, I forget it. The French bitch I used to work for. I know she only employed me for my connections then she tried to use my connections to enhance her imaginary social position and didn’t get it when people stayed distant. That sounds like an “up myself” statement but she’s sort of class conscious and I’m so not. My being there brought a whole new group of clients and increases sales.

      Last straw was when she came in as I was saying goodbye to a client and gave the client an air kiss and called her by her given name. After client left I got an lecture on respect, that I should have called the client Mrs X like she did and that I shouldn’t be so familiar with persons who are the leaders of the community rant rant rant then she asked me why I felt I could be so familiar. My answer….because she’s my fuqing cousin….and walked out

      Lesson learned….look for the agenda…..I was aware of the agenda but ignored it because it suited me as I needed to be occupied while recovering from the HELL years prior to and including hubbo’s demise. She still hates me but I think it’s trite

      • LMAO at ‘because sheโ€™s my fuqing cousin’ hehehe

        had sim experience with Gem Industry MegaEgo. Knew when he swung from Super Best Friend / 6 days wk hanging w another Industry heavy weight (his major advertiser) who later came to be known as ‘That C*** _ _’ (insert name). I became BFF, but warned that if I fuqed up (????) he’d disappear like a mole. the current status. I felt burned by him lap dogging me for my IP, connections & I guess riding coattails of my industry standing for his own self betterment. he’s overly concerned with image, connections, industry domination. he’s a businessman. I’m more of a philanthropist. as mother says ‘head high & onward & upward’. with dignity.

        prediction is – wont be long before he comes knocking again. those types always do. especially when you’ve got what they haven’t. morals, style & class.

        • forewarned is forearmed! :) i love being ready for round 2 with someone you now have completely sussed…

          • yep UP so do I!!

            if it was personal friend would drop but professional links are not so easy to dodge…..& am overdue for my next genius idea, hence the inevitability he’ll come a knocking….& it will be soon!!

          • throw back the little ones, and pan fry the big ones, use tact, poise, and reason, and gently squeeze them…Steely Dan, I love Donald.

      • I’m not telling which sign French bitch is because she’s the woooorrrrst example of her sign and then everyone can maintain dignity.

        • Ooh come on chesh, please do tell, surely no one would take it personally. Why not, is she a cap??

          • not Piscean but she has since seriously ruffled the long legged Piscean who maintained a distant connection with the F bitch because she sells seriously beautiful clobber…..only part I miss……well that and buying trips

          • i was thinking Scorpio? Only because it’s the stereotypical baddie

        • Chesh it has echos of the Gem Industry Mega Ego – he dumped me cos of some perceived “class” thing from his end.
          has set of rules for him & another for others.

          Low Gem for sure!!

          • before F bitch opened the boutique she was trying to find work and ponced into the practice owned by my brother and sister-in-law and haughtily demanded to speak to one of the Doctors treating s-in-l like a servant. My sister-in-law was behind the reception desk so politely asked why. F said I want to give her my resume as I’d like to work here. S-in-l said she’s very busy and that she’d see that she saw it. I knew nothing of this encounter till S-in-law came to boutique to meet me for lunch and I wondered why F looked sick and shocked when she asked me where s-in-l worked and I told her that she and bro owned and managed said practice.

          • funny thing….ran into her when out to dinner with alpha tauri and he asked who the over dressed dragon was because he noticed she was watching my every move.

          • ok CC – would she be a LEO by any chance. Low Leo would so treat people like servants, be demanding and overdress like a dragon ๐Ÿ˜†

          • yep ๐Ÿ˜ณ but absolutely the most base Leo I’ve ever met. I have other delightful Leo friends and my mother was Leo so I wrongly thought that she’d be like them.

          • Aww don’t blush CC, have met a few of those myself. They give Leo’s a bad name.

          • Voted 1 for low leo above…sorry you had to experience that level of negativity Chesh…maybe this says something not great about me but when I see low leo traits it’s usually sooo appalling and just omg they did what? that it’s all a bit funny…in a social train wreck sort of way.

          • LL my other Leos are lovely and I have three I’m very close to. I think with her it’s a combination of age crisis, plus bad attitude. She left her long suffering Italian husband thinking she could do better and that all the males in a fifty mile radius wanted her body but found out that no one was buying. It was embarrassing to watch a fifty year old bat her eyelashes at any bloke and watch their body language but she didn’t seem to realise the effect she was having. She really thought she could conquer the world and now she’s a bitter broad

          • age & social origins aside – ‘climbers’ & wannabes make my skin crawl…..they say shit like ‘whatever’ to fill the gap in what should otherwise be an intelligent statement / comment – sadly lacking class, nous & grace to do otherwise!!
            LOL at alpha tauri’s observe above
            xox ๐Ÿ˜‰ xox

  9. Erm, NOT to use peachblossom or other such lust conjuring tricks…!
    This I learnt by misappropriating a Scorpio fella who had a seriously frostbitten heart!

  10. Actually, I think that makes me my own worst enemy/ sorry for the Scorp diss but I’m a Leo so its okay…

    • haha…. that’s funny starstrokes. It IS okay.
      My sister’s a Leo – we’re like chalk and cheese. And Leo friendships don’t last with me. Sun and Pluto, not exactly comfortable bedfellows.

      • and yet with a mutual love of the bean I think we could probably get on as well as alternately social/anti social people can…

  11. There’s only one person I really dislike and I can safely say that she was totally irrelevant to me until she decided to pick a fight with me (complete with emails cc’ed to superiors at work making allegations about my misbehaviour and other ridiculously passive aggressive behaviour). I don’t normally bear grudges but she royally got up my nose. Anyway, to cut a long story short, she’s long gone, and I’m still here thriving (possibly part of the reason she disliked me so much, because we began at the same level and I was promoted first).

    If that little episode is anything to go by, I would say I learnt the following lesson through her mistakes: never, ever put anything immature, nasty and griping in writing – it will invariably hurt you more than your target when it’s disseminated (and it will be disseminated).

    The whole episode reminded me of that saying that if you wait by the side of a river for long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float past – she basically self-destructed because of her furious resentment of me.

  12. Hehehe – The few peeps who have been my ‘enemies’ have been supremely fuqwitted. #1 – Girl at primary/high school – never found out WHY she disliked me, but suffered at her and her younger brothers hands from teasing/bullying, exclusion (whole class invited to birthday, except me), interestingly, in my early 20s I ran into the brother, and he apologised for his behaviour when we were at school – graciously gave my thanks, and have thought well of him since. #2 – a couple, who tried to slander my name in our small community….. nice tactic for 2 new comers on someone who had spent 25 years in said community, and was (and still is) very highly regarded! They have since moved, and we hear on the grape vine various tales of similar such events as they move around the country… However it was highly distressing at the time, to the point of calling the cops/panic attacks/counselling. #3 – new housemate – no idea what I’ve done, if anything, but the general consensus of those close to me who meet her “she’s weird, and she’s dumb” – or as my mum said “She has to be stupid if she’s taking you on”.

    My lessons? Be honest – it shows when I’m not. Stand my ground and look them dead in the eye if they confront me, otherwise ignore and continue wafting along my own path. Respect my needs, I can’t meet others needs, only my own. Listen with empathy, not judgement (if possible, if not, whack with a scorpio whammy). I do continue to suffer from feelings of contempt, but I secretly enjoy that, and I’m a great plotter of revenge, but I find karma usually gets there well before I do, so rarely execute.

    Scorp sun… of course

  13. dont have enemies to speak of, tho have rifts – & the single lesson unifying all experiences is shoulda thought more of myself in first place rather than ran / work / hang / play with them as it was destined to end in tears.

    being Libran I drop the culprit cold (rather than confront / war / revenge) I am so loud when silent its deafening.

    • “the single lesson unifying all experiences is shoulda thought more of myself in first place”. Very very true. I could add listening to your inner wisdom or intuition. The worst friendship betrayal I experienced taught me this. The signs were all there whispering to me but I ignored it and paid a huge price.

      I too drop people cold, the silence is deafening type cut – (when at some times I’d have fantasies of pouring weed killer all over her garden, putting dog shit in her letterbox, punching her in the face). To act out makes it your karma, so I just leave it alone and bad karma stays theirs.

      rockstar – maybe the cold cut is more piscean – i am leo sun, kataka moon with pisces asc (conj sat).

      • feline – good observation on the Piceaness of icing irksome folk out – I have fish riser / bull moon
        and similarly tho whilst cutting off, depending on the sitch, secretly seeth / obsess for ages or take way too long to disconnect.

        Aries Ex flares at dissing, then smugly acts out until he feels vindicated & has suitably torn down part of enemy’s world

        • Yeah definitely do the seething for too long (mars/moon kataka). Next incarnation I wanna be a version of Aries/Scorp/Cap – just to kick butt.

      • Maybe a Piscean could it also be another water sign Scorp?
        I’l give people 3 chances too many and then cut them off.
        I think i wait too long and my resentment grows until i no longer can stand them.
        Probably very healthy way of dealing.

  14. My ‘enemies’ have held up a mirror up to me and so I have taught me some of life’s more valuable lessons, such as humility, forbearance and restraint.

    As for grudge bearers? IME, Cancerians. Especially the Cancer Dog.

    • Absolutely agree with the mirror thing. I’m in the unusual position of being a Scorp with no actual enemies, really must try harder, but someone once told me that those towards whom you feel an instant dislike are those who represent some (negative) facet of your personality. It has turned out to be true so far, if I really think about why I dont’ like someone.

  15. LESSON #1: When someone shows obvious dislike and you don’t get it,and you’ve done all you can, walk away. No one likes to be ignored. It’s a quiet, personal revenge, and it’s ALL you CAN do. This one is for those sneaky nasties who are so very nice to other people and do the awful stuff when nobody’s watching. Eventually the smart others notice what’s going on.
    LESSON #2: Bullies hunt in packs (i.e. they are cowards)
    LESSON #3: Stand up for yourself if it is a PUBLIC abuse. At least they will respect you ( lesson learned LATER in life) I know this seems to conflict with #1 , but you can be cool and articulate, and THEN walk off.
    LESSON #4: KARMA exists. Just be patient.
    I teach this to my students and I observe some really creative bullies. Text bullying is rampant in the adolescent scene.

  16. What I learned came as a total shock: that people can hate you for doing the right thing/aspiring to excellence/achieving something of value. I never considered the culprits enemies until they succeeded in backstabbing me out of a livelihood/career at massive financial and other cost to me, and I was amazed that they didn’t lay off until they’d made sure I was brought undone.

    Whereas, these same people would laugh off other (male) colleagues when they literally ripped people off, abused other associates and were flagrantly unfaithful to their wives.

    The difference was that they saw me as a bona fide rival (although there’s more than enough room in the profession for all of us), but they wanted a monopoly and I finally got shafted when I had to relocate overseas and could no longer be on site to defend myself.

    The upshot is that I have nothing to do with those people. They had to find another scapegoat, and while they have had a taste of prestige, they have rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. At least I have a clear conscience. It was a very valuable learning curve and quite amazing to witness people believe their own bullshit.

    It certainly toughened me up. I learned to protect my intellectual property, to call bullshit unequivocally and unemotionally when I see it, and that I’m beholden to no one but my own conscience and a precious few people I consider to have utmost integrity.

    And yes, Aqua Ramette, v. smart not to put anything nasty in writing. My enemies made that mistake in corresponding with me and if it ever went public, it could ruin them.

    • Sorry to hear about that Uber. That sort of professional white-anting is really weak and very, very stressful to deal with. A pox on them! Sounds like you came out of it with your integrity in tact and some new skills to boot.

      • yah, thanx for that nat. It was all done behind my back. No one ever confronted me to my face.

        Nice tips, observations in your comments below BTW.

        Thinking back on that time I decided to take a look at my astro from them. All within 2 degrees, Pluto sq Pluto, NNode sq Pluto, Saturn sq MC and Uranus opp Sun and Merc. And to think before that, I used to be a shy idealist. The whole thing brought out my Lilith + Moon in Aries which had been hiding.

        • that should read, astro from then. I don’t need any astro from ‘them’

    • always good to have an ace up your sleeve, uber….

      amazing the lengths people go to, the sheer time and energy the spend f*cking with someone else so they can have a shot at what *they think* is the podium…. whether it’s business, prestige, female competition, alpha male-dom…honestly cbf with that sort of thing but there’s lot of people here w those experiences…interesting to hear how people have dealt / lessons.

      • I won’t ever need to use the ace tho, UP. These guys have compromised themselves so much they are now just empty shells. They did worse to themselves than I could ever do. Glad I cut my losses and made a clean break rather than fight them.

        • That is exactly how I feel about anyone who has ever “done me wrong”, they ALWAYS do more harm to themselves.

          • See this is where I’ve learnt/am still learning about boundaries.

            There is a part of me that is quite happy to let someone be hoist with their own petard….this is the long view though…and sometimes I’ve learnt that in the moment or soon after a boundary breech I need to assert, whatever needs asserting…

            I still prefer to be nice about it… but there is a steely edge to the niceness and underlying you really don’t want to fuq with me, it’s all sunshine and lollipops so far but ….I think the Scorp moon helps add extra weight to my nice approach…

            I will say that through my Gemini former supervisor, who I could of easily dismissed as a power hungry bat shit crazy attention whore, that it’s important to look a bit deeper… to at least think on some level this person thinks their behaviour is reasonable, and thinks that I’m the one that is bat shit crazy…

            It still turned out that often she was a power hungry bat shit crazy attention whore, but there were times where she could teach me something valuable…beyond the do the opposite of what I do type of learning curve..

            I’ve been taught by my Aries mum to always look for the positive in people…which works to a point, but it ignores the totality of the person, and how this affects an encounter. So I’ve adapted this to look for the positive, but be aware that other people’s interests can be completely different from my own, with heavy attachment to their moral viewpoint.

            So I’ve learnt to be accepting of difference, not swat someone too quickly because a situation is uncomfortable for me…that I would prefer to speak nicely to someone, if they ignore that I can amp it up…softly softly first approach, then shock and awe.

  17. I just try my best to forget those pointless people and put any remnant/ photo/ souvenier in a box at the back of the cupboard. Concentrate on making oneself fabulous and successful. Success is the best way to say FUQ YOUSE to one’s enemies. They can’t get at you if you are floating above everything in a cloud of happiness/ career satisfaction/ financial or emotional bliss.

    But I do believe they teach you about yourself – I just choose to forget that I learnt anything off the enemy and refuse to give them any credit for it ๐Ÿ˜‰

    However, in all honesty, I’ve found feelings of jelousy and resentment can resurface and they lead to rampant internet searches to compare lives, successes and looks of me versus enemy. Terribly low-brow of me, I know. Terrible.

    Cap sun/ merc/ venus/, Cancer moon, Libra rising

  18. House Witchery for disconnecting energy from enemies – write their name on a piece of paper & freeze it in the freezer

    another piece of freezer House Witchery is to put credit cards in a glass of water & freeze it……makes them slightly more inaccessible!!

      • PTL – back in the day I owned a microwave & that’s precisely what happened…….but one STILL had to think about it, this was pre e-bay, more heading to the mall spending…….

        FYI Nuking in the Mike strips the magnetic strip!!
        ๐Ÿ˜‰ xox

  19. Never really had any obvious enemies. One of the superstitions my mothers family have maintained is not to talk about your good fortune or happiness in front of people, any people, friends or acquaintances. This they say, is how you create enemies. Im sure you’ve all heard of the evil eye, well we were all given little eyes to wear to protect us from it. The idea of course is that by telling others your good fortune you become the target of the conscious or unconscious negative reactions of others.

    • Very wise women in your family david. Has taken me years to figure out some people are basically not nice for whatever reason. Had to learn that not everyone views life as i do, i.e. I can’t get the jealousy over other’s good fortune or happiness; or people like those little fish speaks of above, you know sweetness and light on the surface but underneath lots of scheming and nastiness going on. At least i’ve learned it in time to pass on to my kids.

      • yes – they want what you have , comes from a massive vacuum in their own lives/minds/hearts…easier for them to take someone down and stand (or lurk) in their place, rather than spend the time looking for their own pot of gold.

        • Yep, the tricky ones though are the unconscious negative energies that come back from people who you would least expect.

          • and they wouldn’t expect it either. the ‘enemy’ is being channelled by them but not of them.

          • hmm, hadn’t thought about the unconscious enemy!! aagh. I might have to start wearing again that little glass eye that an old family friend gave me! and keep quiet about positive things to certain people .. !

    SHE IS AN EVIL LADY! – ONE OF MY TEACHERS IS EXACTLY LIKE HER 9cough my food teacher!) She hasnt made me cut into my own hand but she nearly made me put my hand over a naked flame – the bloody idiot!

    • I agree Matthew, Delores is so detestable, maybe even more than Vold… (oops better not speak his evil name), old no nose…. every one knows a Delores Umbridge, she is so tangibly detestable. My wife and kids are huge HP fans.

        No but i swear this lady also LOOKS like the actress! omg its scary! lol!
        Your wife & Kids have good taste ๐Ÿ˜‰

  21. Some of my worst “enemies” are X friends, because it hurts the most when someone really close bullies you. Or as they say their “true” nature never fails to come out.

    Cancer sun, Scorp ascendant

    • Olyalya, I can’t talk about betrayal,…it’s so painful and psychoanalyst friend says the one thing peeps have great difficulty getting over, even if they are enormously generous. Forgiving is aboout forgiving yourself for being taken in, not prostrating oneself in apology for being naive.

      • agree w you little fish, betrayal is a biggy. Forgiveness of self is a powerful thing. Forgiveness of others can take a long time, maybe life times even?

  22. Every now and then – fortunately only every five years or so – someone I thought perfectly harmless (without consciously underestimating them and their willpower) turns out to be a real backstabber. I used to panic and overreact, but I think facing them nicely yet icily is the best way to go. Usually it also has benefits such as motivating me through anger… Lately, as I’m happier with myself and presumably a little more confident, nothing seriously terrible has happened (relationships with maniac guilters as my ex-crab excluded). ๐Ÿ˜‰

  23. They’ve taught me that there’s usually something I need to be learning from them. They aren’t always the one’s in the ‘wrong’. It gives me energy to dislike some of them though. I’ve also learnt not to take sh*t from them and stick up for myself.

    I like to keep them in my sights, no surprises attacks that way. Enemies are usually frenemies.

  24. Dancing with Dickheads indeed! Good one Mystic.

    What have my enemies taught me?

    * if you are bright, hard working, positive, “successful”, attractive (and female), there are some miserable insecure types out there who WILL try to find a problem with you. But its THEIR problem. Don’t make it yours by engaging with them. Stand your ground of course, but smile & wave, pull the knives out of your back and carry on. If they are projecting their sh*te onto you, you will not be able to do anything about it so don’t waste your precious energy. Just be a good and reasonable version of yourself.

    * if you spend lots of time ruminating & fuming about your enemies & other assorted dickheads this only harms you and gives them more energy & presence in your life. Learning how to really accept and detach from others and situations – not angrily or sulking, just peacefully & separately making space for it and letting go – is a great relief. Its very freeing. Detaching & living my life according to my own values is one of the most useful things I have learned, thanks in large part to malevolent f-wits.

    * many people are not worthy or respectful of our trust, nor do they really want it. If we over-invest our trust in someone and they betray that trust, then that is our problem. We can only change how we operate. I find it is useful to look at the exchange and ask myself what demands or expectations I was putting into/on it. It is very helpful to examine whether you trust yourself to be unfailingly reliable, direct & loving, rather than ranting on about someone else’s “failings”.

    * there are a couple of times when I have had a clear shot at an enemy and I didn’t take it. In hindsight, I am mostly pleased that I didn’t. Mostly…

    Cancer Sun, Scorp Rising, Aries Moon.

  25. My darling sister is a Taurean and she had the most appalling husband who treated her most cruelly for many years. To my aboslute amazement, she decided quite some time ago to stop hating him and just move on. As an Aries, I am bitterly hurt when someone hurts me – especially if it is a so-called friend. The irony is, my Libran Moon makes it impossible for me to actually tell that person I can’t stand them. I just cut contact.

    DavidL, you will find this interesting. My life has been haunted by Davids. First, my psychotic father – David. Followed by a mean, nasty, piece of work business partner for many years – David. These are the only two people I have been able to tell to completely f… off.

    However, what did they teach me? Well, David father (Libran) taught me to be responsible because he never was. I have taken this to extremes in my life and find it hard not to feel responsible for everything. The business partner David (Aris/Taurus cusp) – well he taught me that even though you are close to another person and think you can rely on them (as in a business partner sense), you are really always on your own. This was one of the most heartbreaking lessons I have learned. To be taken advantage of and used in the most unashamed way. I remember distinctly the night the full realisation came upon me that he was going to cut me adrift and leave me holding the debt and the problems. I was heavily pregnant with my second child and I could not stop sobbing. And I mean wild, animal sobbing.

    Anyway, I agree with Mystic. We can learn from everyone in our lives – no matter whether our contact with them was positive or negative.

    I am having the most cuckoo dreams and feel nervous and anxious. Bring on the bloody eclipse and the promise of a new start.

    • I’ve read somewhere that cuckoo dreams are really positive…can you hear the cuckoos or are you just sensing them ? ๐Ÿ˜•
      Maybe you could call me DL or something so I don’t remind you of those other cruel Davids. :)
      Ram, ‘bloody eclipses’ ? now Im thinking ‘nightmare on elm st’ , nervous and anxious ? there is a way that any true aries can alleviate those pre ecliptic nerves and anxiety….physical activity, could be fun? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Pity about those Davids, but it’s still a great old testament name. And think David Bowie! Haaaaah.

      What a shit that business partner of yours was. I remember a friend telling me that very stark truth that we are on our own, we can only rely on ourselves. He was nursing his partner who was dying of AIDS at the time. It’s true no one else can get us out of the shit BUT having said that, I thank goddess that I’ve had friends who’ve been there with support through the thickest of it.

    • Hey There! RTBL – how are you going? Staying strong and keeping the faith? Am so hearing you re: The Eclipse!

  26. i’ve never met a David i haven’t liked.

    David’s are very influential and important in my life.

    Dave’s by contrast are absolutely hopeless. is it some numerology thing??


    i hate vividly and intensely for about 5 seconds wishing all evil on my enemies both real and imagined and then get over it and instantly forgive almost anybody (especially if they smile upon me), no grudges (or maybe just a slow learner, LOL!)

    toro sun, kataka asc, virgo moon

    • T with the HMBOTS, I’ve always had excellent Davids in my life too but have know one or two dodgy Daves, one an unscrupulous womanising Leo

      • You always make me giggle Chesh!

        my HMBOTS is an unscrupulous womanising Leo (bastard!) but i REFUSE to call him Dave! (underneath it all, i think he might be nice though i might well be delusional, it’s called the ‘benefit of the doubt’ LOL!)

          • you’re not new, you’re original!!

            high maintenance bit on the side! i think it’s kinda, sorta, a gently poking fun put down, but i hate the mealy mouthed ‘friend’ , ‘lover’ is soooo ’80s, so what’s left?

            FB is really not for polite company, let alone one’s work place and i think HMBOTS is the perfect description, suggested by my masseur, LOL!

          • that’s hilarious!!

            Taura avec Hard Work on the (in)side – YOU crack me up…..
            xox ๐Ÿ˜‰ xox

        • PS: vis a vis enemies: schadenfreude can be soooooo fun though!

          (and yes, childish but luscious and worth savouring!)

          • oooh, i love a bit of schadenfreude, especially when combined with a bit of karma biting behind ๐Ÿ˜†

          • it’s cool Chesh, nothing to do with me, LOL!

            actually, i find leos rather endearing!

            and please don’t apologise scorpbot, i’m flattered you remembered,

            hasta la vista babes, i’m off to bed, would have been there hours ago if a backbends session hadn’t energised me overly. but then i’m rather good at bending over backwards in more than one sense (insert laughing icon here which she does not yet know how to do!)

  27. DL (if I call you that, I will think you are a size of envelope!), I appreciate all your kind words. No, the dreams do not include cuckoos but I am definitely loopy – people dying, being killed etc. I have certainly been into the, ahem, physical activity – but to no avail, still quite bats.

    I will be proud to call you David – I mean, my husband’s family insisted I use this name as one of my son’s three christian names. I’m just saddled with it, pet!

  28. keep your friends close and your enemies even closer. Don’t know who said that but i like it.

    My best friend betrayed me about 10 years ago. I thought we were going to be friends for life. Boy was that experience a big wake-up call. It was definitely a turning point in terms of learning and setting my boundaries – HUGE.
    It took me years to finally “grok” the meaning of the word.
    Stupid me forgave my frenemy a short while after the betrayal and I made contact but she never returned my call.
    I thought if the friendship had any legs then she’d come to the party but she didn’t, so i moved on.
    So that was the end of that… so i thought. She called me 8 years later. 8 bloody years!!!
    When i decide to move on, i really move on!! (moon in Sagg). I would never dream of calling someone after 8 years!

    I agree with everything Nat said above. I fume for a bit (i’m only human) but don’t dwell and once i’m done, that’s it – don’t like wasting my precious energy thinking about primordial slime.
    The best revenge is success and happiness.

    I’ve also become an expert in the cold cut! Water can freeze.. :)

    • pphhht of course you like it, you’re a scorpio! only you dysfunctional peeps would want your enemies close.

      • plus, your friend left it 8 years because that’s how long a scorpio takes to give up the vitriolic, toxic hatred of their grudges…

        scorp issues anyone?

        • should add that i’m an aries. there are peeps i love that i’d be friends with if they didn’t have a stupid grudge against me regarding my fabulosity

          • em, when you find out the true meaning of “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” and if you manage to put away YOUR vitriolic, toxic hatred towards a stranger on a blog, then please read my post again. You’ve got it all completely wrong. I DON”T hold grudges. It’s a waste of time and energy.

            And yes i am a Scorpio. Thought that was evident in my name.

          • it was a rgetorical question – of course you’re a scorp, that’s why your friend should’ve left it longer to contact you in a friendly way.

            the true meaning of ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’ is that it’s worth having horrible people who are out to get you close by sop you can see what they’re doing.

            i think that is a dysfunctional attitude.

          • No em, that is not the true meaning of the saying. You’ve just twisted it to fit YOUR dysfunctional attitude.

            The saying is about self-understanding and empathy. If one is able to step back from a situation and see one’s enemy as just another person, perhaps the enemy relationship would be eliminated altogether. The motivation to “keep one’s enemies closer” should be to gain an understanding of how that person became an enemy in the first place. And in doing so, one might gain a deeper understanding of oneself.

            Keep your friends close and your enemies closer so that we all may learn from each other. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer so that you may one day no longer have a need for enemies. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer so that you may find your peace.

            Hope you find your peace and sort out your issues with the Scorp that betrayed you and not take it out on every Scorp you come across or any other sign for that matter.

          • and another thing em, i don’t have any enemies. I was just expressing how that saying about enemies appealed to me. Nor did i label my friend an enemy. She was just a friend that betrayed me, a friend that held a grudge against ME. My friend hurt me but i did not wish for any revenge. Revenge is futile. I forgave her and moved on.

            You might want to be friends with people who hold a grudge against you but i don’t. I view every experience as a catalyst for growth.

            My ex friend was an Aquarius with moon in Taurus. But i don’t hate all Aquas just because of one bad experience.

      • Whoah em, do you have “issues”?!. What makes you call scorpalicious dysfunctional? I suggest you vent somewhere else, this is not the place to release your toxic sludge against scorp beauty just cause she’s a scorp. Go dance with you own dickheads and don’t be one here ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

    • jeez, poor you em. 4 doses in 7 minutes of your “vitriolic, toxic hatred” of your grudges against the Sun sign of Scorpio. I can’t understand why those peeps just can’t get with your fabulosity.
      Perhaps you misread scorpalicious robot’s post – she said she fumes for a bit then moves on. ie. DOESN’T waste energy holding grudges.
      Instead of attacking others, why not just tell you own sad story about scorpios and let it stand on its own merits?
      I also like the saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I understand what it means.
      What are your Moon & rising signs em? Does the Dark Moon usually affect you thus?

      • thanks for the support FF and Nat.
        Woah, my first attack on this blog. Hilarious! ๐Ÿ˜†

      • jeez i wondered later if anyone would comment on the hypocritical nature of that post! yep, fully, nat, that’s why i totally admit to my scorp issues, but that phrase, ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’, frickin pushed my buttons. How long was my toxic Scorp my enemy before i knew it? evil.

        i’m mega aries (sun, venus, mercury) virgo rising taurus moon.

        i bear grudges like nothing else, but i forgive, too. a friendly call after 8 years from someone who used to hate me, well i think that’d be a nice thing!

        i didn’t mean to hurt the feelings of scorpalicious robot. lucky she’s not in my life so i don’t have to worry about scorp-revenge!!

        • am also flattered, scorpalicious robot, that you consider what i wrote an attack – maybe i’m learning, scorp-bot !!

        • I don’t see an apology in there anywhere, em love. It might endear you to the community here if you provided one. We all like a joke, but there’s no need to get personal.

          • Uber I did not get personal, you guys did, and i stand by what i said.

            Scorp-Bot does seem like a lovely Scorp. There are a lot of lovely scorps. I did NOT attack her, go back and read over it. I did not attack her as she accused me of doing, and I did not comment on anything other than her post. Didn’t speculate about her, nothing like that. I DID generalize about scorps being dysfunctional in how they can turn on people and hold grudges full-on. any honest scorp would’ve just laughed. if you’d like to generalize about aries, go ahead. I won’t be attacking you personally!

            Scorpalicious Robot and I have very different understandings of the phrase ‘keep your friends close & your enemies closer’. She understands it to mean sweetness and light but it is from the art of war. It means you need to know what you’re enemies are up to and that is good to illicit the loyalty of someone who may be your enemy. I think that is dysfunctional and I stand by it. The only place for that kind of thinking is war/business.

            I have a problem with people using San Tzu, a military strategist, as a relationship guru. He wrote ‘the art of WAR’. If the other person is at war and i’m tryna have a friendship/relationship, then I end up way hurt. then i’m gonna get done in! If I’d known it was a war i would’ve at least brought a machette!

            because this is a blog, i can boldly say that i don’t care if i can’t endear myself to certain people, Uber.

            isn’t that the point of this thread?

            just a thought, if scorp-bot’s so nice, why all this? she has so far accused me of attacking her when i didn’t, called my opinion hilarious with a smarmy smile and now her mates are ganging up on me! Is she an a-typical scorp? hmmmm.

            All my posts so far have been responses, but seriously, what have i learned? well i can be a bit bull-doggy. i’ve fallen out with a couple of people quite badly in my life and then realized later that the friendship was well done with when the problems occurred. as in what was i still hanging out with them for anyway? misguided loyalty? in my adult life though it’s getting easier to drift apart from people and then drift back and friendships aren’t so intense. i’m even learning that there are people I actually don’t like or want to associate with, rather than just worrying all the time over whether or not Other people like Me. I’ve started wondering whether or not I like Them!! changes.

            scorpalicious, when i think of someone contacting me after 8 years, i guess i’m imagining someone i like! i can appreciate for sure that 8 years might be too long or not long enough in some cases. It was just such a scorpio thing to say, plus, and i should’ve said this first, it was one of my toxic scorp’s pet phrases. read san tzu and you’ll stop using that damn quote. or maybe we should just make it mean what you think it means because that’s way better.

          • em, I do believe you didn’t mean to attack anyone, it just didn’t come out that way. I have reread them and the statements came out as harsh and directed at one person. It’s always a risk of communicating in writing in short bursts. Emails are also notorious for being misinterpreted and the source of a lot of unnecessary trouble.

            And yes, it’s a blog, and perhaps in parts of cyberspace it’s customary not to be concerned with the way you choose your words, but I think you’ll find this blog is different in that there is a lot of good feeling and support given here among a large and diverse community of regulars and casual visitors. Basically, folks here do make an effort to endear themselves.

            What I’m saying is that you could put it right very simply by making an apology. Not for having an opinion, but for causing offence where you didn’t intend it.

    • apart from toxicity of friendships I’ve found that people I haven’t seen for eons find it very hard to deal with who I am now…it’s whomever I was way back then is embedded to the point that we just don’t connect now.

      I’ve had this happen a few times where I’ve tried to point out that I’m a very different person than I was at 17…or 25 or 33 that although I’m still on the surface warm and chatty there is more there…when repeatedly all they want to relate to is former me, I find it easy to not give time to that friendship and it sort of just oozes away from lack of light.

      I mention this as sometimes connecting after years and years..say 8, can be a no go for reasons other than grudge holding. Just a thought to consider em.

      Although support has been stated by others here…I’ll add my 2 cents with the proviso while, yes the blog is a narrow slice of self we share here….in this forum scorpalicious robot has consistently come across to me as the least grudge holding scorp I’ve come across…I’m often chuffed at her humour and honesty. Sniping at each other adds nothing, looking for goodness in people does. I’m sorry em that you’ve had such a bad experience, but striking out at people only a blog is just a little sad. Find someone in your life to give you a hug.

      • thank you so much LL. You totally get where i’m coming from and i know exactly what you mean when you talk about people only able to relate to the former you.
        Lack of connection and energy draining toxicity – why would any sane person want to hold on to that? I’d rather have no friends than low-rent friends.

        It’s about self respect and has absolutely nothing to do with grudge holding. I guess it’s hard for people who bear grudges like nothing else to understand that it’s possible. I can only imagine what holding onto all that anger/bitterness does to one’s health.

        Thanks again for your kind words. :) x

        • SR so glad you could understand what I was trying to say I mangled a bit of the above post…writing with a fever left words hanging…I’ve found since returning from my 2 weeks of cleaning/packing/purging with living on the floor ala helping children transit from one place to another…I’ve picked up most vile viruses in the petri dish which is Brisbane in winter time…so there is a point where my brain formulates an idea and then somehow I have to get my fingers to co-operate long enough for some coherence so again I’m glad it made some sense to you….

          oh and now I’ve also lost my voice…which according to L Haye means something along the lines to resistance to change, being so angry I can’t speak…oh and or blocked creativity. I’m moving between frustration at not being able to speak (I have shit that needs to be sorted verbally) to communicating with notes, like ‘I’m not being rude I’ve lost my voice please give me a double shot latte’ and moments of amusement at my internal enforced silence.

          I really had thought I’d done some significant work on acceptance of change, do not hold onto anger let alone let it silence me, so am left with perhaps a need to ramp up creative efforts. This losing my voice at the moment has sort of freaked me out a bit…I used to lose it regularly as a pissed off teen, and oh three days before getting married…but nothing that I can remember since then…

          Does anyone find losing their voice significant or is it just me ?

          • LL you need REST!! I lose my voice if I’ve pushed my energy levels too far, then my body tells me to shut up and rest up. xox

          • Thanks Chesh, I have been sleeping and resting a lot.I’m actually not feeling too bad right now. The sinus is pretty close to clear, yesterday before losing the voice completely I whisper booked in for a deep tissue massage tomorrow(back is building up to hurting more than the sinus at the moment) and even the non-functioning throat isn’t really all that bad pain wise… just a lot of stuff I’d like to do for myself now that the girls are squared away.

            Oh well at least it’s warm in bed.

          • Losing your voice is very, very significant, emotionally speaking. it means that you are swallowing your words. Words that you SHOULD be speaking, but for one reason or another you are reluctant to. Who should you be telling what? Is there someone you are sore at? Is there someone you would love to tell something, but can’t.

            Is your throat sore too? From choking on these words?

            If you really cannot speak these words, then write them down and do a ritual burning. You’ll find that your physical symptoms will start to abate.

            Sending metaphorical chicken soup


          • LL, i can always make sense of what you say, even when you think it’s mangled. Never sounds mangled to me.
            I’ve never lost my voice but i do get a sore throat every now and then.
            It usually happens when i’ve suppressed something that needs to be said or lack of creative outlet.

            I’m sure you’ve done significant work on acceptance of change like you said but it could just be plain old simple exhaustion from all the cleaning and packing and sleeping on the floor!!!
            No need to ramp up anything. You need rest!

            Visualise a ball of sapphire blue light for healing the throat chakra.
            Hope you get better soon. x

          • Thanks Chesh, Ms Motown and Scorpbot.

            I think it probably is a little from column a and column b…physically wiped out and on reflection(afternoon nap) seeing and dealing with the girls Dad (the good the bad and the wtf) again over a series of days tends to drag some old stuff up…mostly in the way things have moved on thankgoodness (like offering him olives and having him just look at me puzzled and go you know I don’t like olives and I’m realising that no I’ve pretty much deleted your preferences long ago)but it’s stuff I don’t normally bother tapping into, not just the trivial ….

            I’d rather look to the future not rehash things from long ago…if there is anyone that needs a good talking to it could be me…. Maybe I will just write some stuff out and give it the flick and continue to have naps and read trashy books

  29. I am more into the compassion thing these days – I used to be a very good hater, but then decided that it was too time and energy consuming. Am not beyond cutting enemies off and not giving them an opportunity to act against me again, something I incidentally find almost impossible to do when people I love have hurt me (intentionally or not.) I’m an Aqua who would really just love it if everyone could get down with the whole universal family thing (even if some people are a bit like the strange cousins you hope don’t turn up to your party!)

  30. 81 comments already! Wow!

    Have been following your site for several weeks but haven’t been prompted to comment until today.

    ‘I learned the hard way that if you attempt to be nice/friendly/polite to low-rent people, they take it as a sign of utter craven weakness on your part & that seeing as theyโ€™re going to loathe you ANYWAY, you may as well disengage and get on with individuating, living well et al.’

    Thanks for this. I’ve been discovering this for myself lately.

    Looking forward to your solar eclipse reading.

  31. I thought enemies were passe, non? Like the cold war. Or even the fact that surely somewhere somehow people are realizing that yelling jihad all the time is getting rather rote…or as they would say, so high school.

    I exaggerate. Certainly feelings of enmity exist, I was badly bullied in school by girls who had to do it pairs all the time, if one was missing the other one never bothered me, and that lack of integrity struck me. So what I’ve learned? The less psychic space I give them, the better.

    If they were not so much an enemy in my mind, then they were festering on their own rot, no?

  32. “If you stare for too long into the abyss, the abyss will stare into you.”

    “If you fight with monsters take care, lest you becomes a monster yourself.”


    translation;- that if you *dwell* for too long on matters bad, boring or in any way negative, you will absorb those matters into you and start to be just like them.

    My take;- by all means fight your enemies but be aware of the danger of emulating them … something i think America forgot when it fighting the ‘War on Terror’

  33. I am Capricorn with Libra rising and can’t say that I have ever made an enemy. I am a bit too non-conflict for that. I am far from spinelesss but prefer to defer from fights by saying not much at all…but I get treated like I am the enemy by the Fat Contoller Ex.
    He was good for those times when I was just too polite ….. easiest example is I often get rammed by supermarket trolleys and applogise immediatley to the rammer, and generally am grunted at in reply, the Fat Controller could always be relied upon to react like this (LOUDLY)”WTF DID YOU SAY SORRY TO HER/HIM FOR ????HE/SHE JUST HIT YOU??”
    It hardly ever got an appology for me as the rammers were always speeding up to get away from him in case he took it further (I think) but it did feed my smugness at how rude they were, THEN I had to go home with the RUDEST pig on the planet, so I have taken it on as karma. I am possibly attracted to outspoken aggressive men so that I can try to show them to not sweat the small stuff. Balance their mars energy? I persevered with the(cancer) Fat Controller for 15 years and then when I could teach/ take it no more ended our marriage, maintaining dignity for the childrens’ sake by never sinking to his level of emnity and fell smack bang in love with another …with very strong MARS.
    The Double Aquarian…. he is wonderful but volatile, but is so farther advanced in his journey that he is ready to take on my calm, accept that he does not need to be reactive and angry, and is very interested in learning how to use his energy to lead rather than to dominate.
    I recently had a conversation with my Dad about him (D Aqua) seeming to be a “bit angry” at times and I had no trouble in accepting that he seems like that but that I am so placid that I can choose when to pick my battles….. why fight over small things when there is nothing to be gained? I don’t cop bad treatment, I won’t ever be controlled again, but for the sake of serenity I don’t sweat the small stuff. My Virgo Dad (who takes a barrel of beratement from my Mother) just smiled and said “well he sure seems to make you happy Girl” I assured dad that the moment he doesn’t make me happy I’d deal with it.

    Dancing with dickheads, like lying with dogs has taught me to shake myself off and go on making the world nicer by treating everyone how I wish to be treated myself and hoping that it just might rub off on a few along the way

  34. V Venusian, I think the avoiding conflict is so Cap but I’ll confront if I feel I have to, in my own quiet way. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things, unless you really want to. :roll:

    • Have seen so many things come out in the wash naturally. Cap Moon just bides her time and I’ve witnessed the “house of cards” falling on those whom designed their own destruction. So sad but we get what we deserve….The universe is fair…and balanced…

      Like I’ve often felt…..”revenge is sweet (via the universe) and I didn’t have to lift a finger”….

      • yeah, but sometimes it works vice-versa with heaps of crap dumped on one’s life with the rewards coming later depending on how we’ve dealt with said crap.

  35. Never work for an older, single woman. They sooner or later get jealous that you have a life and a relationship , and try and make your working life hell.
    And yes, I have a Leo moon, eep.

  36. Funny as it sounds I totally agree that you can learn a lot from your enemies. I’d say the overarching theme has always been that I’ve learned to love myself more for the things that made them my enemies.

    • I see it learning to love myself more for the things that have divided me, as someone hitting my internal hell no switch so strongly that I look a bit deeper at why that switch got triggered…like a non HR 360 degree check of the soul.

  37. I like the Buddhist attitude which is to thank people who irritate the fuq out of me for teaching me patience and tolerance, to be grateful to people who I perceive have betrayed me as an opportunity to become more emotionally resiliant etc etc. They have a point. It’s all well and good to say I’m a tolerant, kind lubbly dubbly person surrounded by only good friends and loved ones, but watch the medusa rear her head when I’m cheesed off.

    Although I admit at this point that I’m not very good at accepting my spiritual medicine. Actually I’m totally crap at it. :mrgreen:

    • I remember one time I got very angry with my ex husband and said “I’m going to destroy you” lol….Think that was my Medusa conj. Aries Sun. Unfortuneately, (well, fortuneately really) nothing happened. He still lives…

    • My Virgo sis lives and breathes that saying of ‘living well is the best revenge’…she had a horrific childhood, and quite easily could be curled up in a ball in a corner rocking…

      She constantly amazes me with her resilence and never say die attitude.

  38. So good to hear all these comments! Very encouraging.

    Like UberVirgo, Virgo sun, Aries moon, also bullied at work. I was the admin person – actual quote from bully rep: “because you were so pleasant, I thought you were just a dumb secretary” – until I got promoted ahead of people with MA’s. Well, what tactic wasn’t used to bring me down. Pass agg, mobbing, rumours, public humiliation, private manipulation… so I left, went back to uni and now *I’m* the one doing the MA. If I got so far without it, my enemies can just eat my dust. : )

  39. Never felt anyone was an enemy in my life but have learned to not be naive. Others have their own agendas and it’s not always savory.

    DavidL, my dad used to joke alot about giving us kids the “evil eye” and he would do this scary eye/face thing and we would laugh. He also cursed us with “monkey bones” :) Totally agree with keeping some good fortune to oneself as others covet with they don’t have and will resent you for it. A double Capricorn boyfriend (Sun/Mn) once said, “don’t tell anyone anything!” He was a Kung Fu Master and learned to be secretive a bit through that.


  41. some of your responses to my outburst really made me smile, thanks guys. not sure if anyone’s still reading this thread, but i’ve been thinking about this so clearly i need to apologize.

    first, sorry to all the functional scorps who can admit when they have grudges and always know the meaning of their offensive posts!

    but, more importantly, sorry Scorpalicious Robot for hurting your feelings, specially when you were highly evolved enough to wish me well after i gave you the sh*ts! it hurts me that i hurt you.

    you posted the most offensive mean-spirited f*ed-up quote i’ve EVER heard on Mystics lovely blog, said you agreed with it and then whinged about betrayal! dude, i was outraged! but you didn’t know the meaning of the quote (imagine how impressed my virgo rising is with that!), so it’s fine. i KNOW how much the betrayal of a friend hurts. and i did find it funny that you still don’t want your frenemy in your life but you insist you don’t bear grudges.

    for me, grudge-bearing’s been an aquired skill, as in i NOW know through bitter experience that, with a couple of folks, i’d just get hurt yet again. i know it’s only myself i’m angry with. when i can forgive myself for being taken for a ride i’ll be able to give up the grudge. like how you can trust anyone if you can trust yourself to handle their crap!

    took a scorp at face value and got caned. maybe i’ve learned nothing!

    • em, I can’t believe you’re getting hung up on a stupid quote. It is not my bible for relating to people. It was a flippant, spontaneous remark and I did mention that i didn’t know who was responsible for the quote but i liked it anyway. I’ve never read San Tzu, just familiar with some of the quotes.

      If you think that quote is “the most offensive mean-spirited f*ed-up quote youโ€™ve EVER heard on Mystics blog” then fine. I’m not going to argue about semantics. The quote, like anything, is open to interpretation. And if i choose to see the sweetness and light version of it, even if it is wrong in your eyes, then that is my choice. I have no desire to dwell on negatives. Life is too short for grudge-bearing.
      I must add that I have venus in Libra, so harmony in relationships is important to me and i don’t like being around course, vulgar and nasty people.

      Yes, it is possible to forgive and move on and not hold a grudge and maybe i’m better at it because of my moon in Sagg. If you still can’t believe that, then that’s fine. I’m not going to try and convince you any more. Everybody else gets it. Please read Leonine Librarian’s post. Or maybe read the entire “Dancing With Dickheads” post again and just skip mine. There’s an awful lot of wisdom to be found here.

      May i suggest you read ‘The Power of Now’ or ‘A New Earth’ by Eckart Tolle, then maybe you’ll understand where i’m coming from.

      Thanks for the apology, i wasn’t expecting one but it’s much appreciated. It was pretty hurtful to be quite honest.

      It’s an intense dark of the new moon, so as Mystic has been saying “process ye olde crap” and move on.

      Peace out.

      • em – don’t get your knickers in a knot, keep your wig on, it’s only a storm in a tea cup, you’re barking up the wrong tree, you’re a mountain out of a mole hill…………….chillax!

        there’s a thing called an ‘expression’.

        hope you’re having a good weekend. xox

        • ‘making’ a mountain – phew imagine if I accidentally called you a ‘mole’…..;-) xox

          • haha, yeah.

            i seriously thought that post meant taht the writer thought we should all be sucking up to people we hate for our own gain, and also that betrayal is bad…. lucky i didn’t call her an a**hole!!

            especially since it’s a total misunderstanding!!

            it’s hard for me to see why i got abused more after the best apology i could muster without totally selling out. oh well

            i thought i had some good insights re enemies & stuff. i actually thought there’d be people who didn’t like strategizing in personal relationships either.

            turns out ‘keep your friends close & your enemies closer’ is from the godfather. way mafiose!

            but enough of that – here’s one from Sun Tzu that i really like (for combat scenarios only, imo);

            “If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. If sovereign and subject are in accord, put division between them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.”

            haha so with me an enemy would obviously just go behind my back, you guys have known me five minutes and surely you can see how much ‘front’ i have!! i’m constantly at a loss as to why other people don’t confront me about things directly or why don’t they want to tell me the truth!! pretty silly, huh?

            so maybe that will get a laugh. even i wouldn’t want to confront me!

            but if he’s a liar, tell the truth. if he’s popular, say something in front of everyone. god, it would take so much willpower to actually be that way.

            how can people be bothered to plot against others and stuff? it really gets up my goat!!

  42. Wishing you wisdom Em.
    The next door cat just killed an old dove i was feeding & sheltering
    from rain & storms.
    First i wanted to KILL the cat i was sooo angry, then i realised that i could
    have protected the dying dove better, knowing there was a cat next door that’s a predator.
    The bird was relying on me….i let it down & my reaction was to kill the cat!

  43. Oh pegs that’s too sad. Damn cat is only being a cat. But still.

    My male burmese has brought three birds in over his lifetime (when he was a teenager in cat time) – all of which I rescued and released. I think he was just showing me how clever he was, cause he hadn’t bitten them (except for a duckling that I took to the vet and know was ok and sent to live with wildlife carer before being released onto a property). My reaction to him was severe and I think he’s got the message cause he doesn’t do it anymore.

    The duckling story was weird – kids and I had been visiting a nearby park and creek/bridge to feed and wait for a new family of ducks (parents and seven ducklings) for several weeks. This duck family was very popular in the neighbourhood. Anyhow, same creek winds round close to our house but banks steep so don’t go there. We had been talking about the ducklings a lot, taken photos etc and I am sure my boy (cat) KNEW and just brought me one of those seven ducklings to get attention. After that had to listen to other duck visitors speculating on what happened to the seventh duckling. Kept my mouth shut to protect my cat.

    Oh and to any cat haters, I am responsible and keep my two inside at night.

  44. FF………adore well brought up cats. They can be trained.
    My dove was a sitting duck so to speak.
    These ferals next door are unvaccinated & desexed after 3 loads
    of kittens. They belong to DV (Demented Virgo).
    The day i moved in same cat bit my breautiful fluffy 10 year old
    white Goddess of Pussycats (only eva 3 birds same as you). She figured
    real quick that if she just sat close & watched them feed, she could have
    hours of entertainment, instead of pouncing & frightening them away!
    Well, she was bit on the bum & contracted a vile cat disease that took 12 months
    to become uncurable & had to be asleeped. The Vets & me all cried.
    They sent me a sympathy card the next day.
    She has a Frangipani tree planted over her.

    Many thanks for your response Feline. It has stopped me from revenge being
    able to discuss the event with a lover of well kept cats.
    I forgive them, but just in case i’ll purchase the book ‘101 ways to kill a kat’:)
    Have a warm weekend, Hon, ‘n thanx agin for your sympatico.

  45. ‘Thick Face Black Heart’ is a book i was going to recommend for Em.

    We can see the eastern thought appled to the lesson of the cat & dove.
    Nature of…………
    It has taken me a loooong time to accept that this really is a predatory world
    & how to be alright with that, without petting the sweaty stuff:)

  46. Myst Darling, it’s taken me days to absorb Dancing with DickHeads!
    It was so interesting provoking deep thought & the examples
    in real life. One that said SHE says sorry if SHE’S bumped into. I totally get that
    but i do it as reverse psychology, so that they will aplogise. only works with same sex & age.

    With my half Sicilian-ness it has been a long exploration as have been a Holy Terror
    in the past UNTIL i discovered Aromatherapy in ’79 in Belgium, close to France & Germany
    where there were some fabulous rediscoveries in Healing & Health & ‘Le Pharamcie du Bon Dieu’,
    most of it written in French/Flemish.
    Nothing wrong with being Diplomatic…..floor your enemies with courtesy & manners.
    Remember that you have something they want.
    Be as good as you can without arousing suspicion or jealousy……quote from Ashliegh Brilliant.
    Em…….remember it’s Eclipse Season.
    Cheesh, go play Donovan’s ‘Season of the Witch’ or better if you have Julie Driscoll & the Trinity

    • Pegs, I’ve got the original Donavan on vinyl and it’s been a favourite for ever.x

      And agree with you re courtesy and manners. I don’t show dislike because that’s how I was taught from the cradle. I show the ones I care about that I do and treat any others politely. My sweet Aqua friend lost her beautiful boy Siamese yesterday. He was only 6yrs old but had a genetic heart problem and had little quality of life so she had to make the dreadful decision. She also has his twin sister and both my friend and cat are fretting dreadfully. I so despise breeders who inbreed.

      On a brighter note. I’m one happy Cap. My darling Alpha Tauri is finalising his affairs out west and has landed an excellent job here in my town. He’ll be with me in August. I just had to share. Woohoo!!!

      • oh Chesh actions do speak loudly and that he is making it possible to be closer to you…woohoo indeed…Thanks for sharing your lovely news

      • Lovely Chesh, good wishes to you both earth lovelies, thinking this will go well!

      • Spesh – loving thoughts to your friend & so really happy for you and your next phase darlin!! that;s really really great news! xox

      • Thanks again…you guys are making me feel all warm and fuzzy….blessings to all xox

    • Pegs,

      “floor your enemies with courtesy & manners” i like that too. You have Cap rising like me no?

      Years ago I saw an ex that i was still in love with kissing a girl right in front of me. It was a few weeks after we broke up and he was surely doing it to get me jealous. I can’t tell you how badly i wanted to grab a drink and pour it over them but i left the bar instead. I later found out that he was asking my friends about me after i left. Dignity always wins.

      Always prefer to take the high road.

      • scorpalischy – that’s what I have done in exactly same situation (long ago)and for years thought I was being a whimp but have realised same – dignified versus dickhead wins.

    • Pegs, the dancing with dickheads thing HAS been interesting. It seems to boil down to the balancing act between assertiveness and kindness.

      The folks who tend to struggle with this the most are the sensitive conscientious types who have difficulty saying no and have trouble comprehending the harshness of some. They are often targetted by ruthless types who seek to exploit their gentleness for their own ends, and as a result the sensitive ones struggle internally, punishing themselves for not being able to protect themselves. They WISH they had an inner Sicilian!

      No matter how gentle our instincts are, there comes a time when we’ll need to stand up for ourselves or perhaps someone else or a principle, so that we don’t get mashed into the earth. But the trick is to be able to do so with dignity, without sacrificing the sensitivity and compassion that allows us to connect warmly with authentic others and form precious bonds of trust. Not always an easy balance.

      There are also times when it’s best just to walk away, and that’s not always easy to judge.

    • And while I’m rabbitting on, when you get really good at saying no to boundary pushers, you can do it without making any excuses. I think Mystic uses the phrase ‘don’t complain, don’t explain’. I wish I could remember the latin.

      • UV I think Disreali has been attributed that quote…not sure of the Latin either…

        I’ve found that if you try to explain or mix in a complaint it gives the boundary pushers an in, to continue trying to ignore the boundary you are trying to establish…so I can see why the don’t complain or explain can be more painfree if you are prepared to step up and fix that boundary. Stating whatever you want in a straight forward tone also seems to be effective…not always easy in the moment…but with most boundary pushers you’ll get more than one chance to practice saying no…

      • Ne pas se plaindre, ne pas s’expliquer, ne rien attendre.

        French for ” don’t complain, don’t explain nor expect ” sort of x

      • I think a Tori Amos quote is a good one “People complain about their memories and never their minds”

        I remember when I was going through a really rough patch and being stoic that Uncle George said to me “It’s the squeeky wheel that gets the oil Pet”

  47. Exceptional this thread…so right Ubes, the balancing act that comes from Wisdom
    and having core ethics and integrity.
    We seemingly have been blessed with that and grace as well.
    That’s Dignity Itself.
    Hope Myst is ok, now i understand why she said peeps worry about her
    (or worry her?) ha ha, hope is she is putting some energy into herself!
    Chesh, that is great news. It IS a lovely romance, 2 Earth signs that like-love each
    other, both having some rounds on the dance floor & now wish to Slow Dance Together. Yum.
    Just reading stats on living together first & it’s a no no.

    I knew that at 28 years of age…the Saturn Return & i said i would never live with
    a man again. Careful what you wish for is a fave cliche of mine.
    I make a perfect Mistress or deep & meaningful one night stand.
    Butch & I have had 16 D&M first dates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!joy or joy.
    But what does she really really think of that. Never have sex the first time even if it is love at first sight.
    Or they will always be first dates.
    Chesh & Alpha make a for wonderousity. It’s ‘True Like’.Your happiness is mine.
    Know you would have Donovan. Vinyl’s the word on the street.

    ps please rabbit on, it’s end of week rave for me, and am booked for 12hours, which will pay
    the silver mitsubishi colt’s new carby. Quote the Mechanic ‘Pegasus needs a new carbereta & it
    will be between 450-650 dollars’. We agreed to do it, we love her & so does the RAA. Free tow!
    She was mounted high up on the back of huge truck to be driven to her car doctors, did she look royal!
    I joked to the TowTruck driver as i went with him ‘Peg’s is ‘pausing (Menopause) at 21 years of age’.

    So no fluffy lips but my Peg’s will be good as new & THAT’S a better deal:)

    Bye, off to practise 4 hours of conversation with a carpenter of a similar age.
    Am taking him for an Indian Dinner along with real accents..

    • Thank you Sweet Pegs. We’ve been spending Q time together for six months now and both know what we have is wonderful.

      I like the idea of 16 first dates. It keeps the magic alive. Not sure about ‘slow dance’ though. What was that old dance instruction? Quick quick slow slow โžก Variety is the spice…….of all sorts of things ๐Ÿ˜‰

  48. haha you guys are awesome. thanks for reminding me of some things i learned from my old best friend that i had clearly forgotten

    1. never apologize when you’re in the right, just to improve relationships. it doesn’t work

    2. never diminish yourself just for someone else’s convenience or benefit

    3. never try to endear yourself to anyone. as mystic has said, you will only incur their contempt.

    4. the ones you never should’ve bothered with are always the most high-maintenance

    peace out, to all y’all

  49. ‘he who has but one friend has not a friend to spare, and he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere’

    Indian Proverb

  50. I’m a Libra who disagrees with your posting that we feel awful about our enemies. I loathe my enemies and take great pleasure in hurting them. I’ll wait decades to strike if I have to, and I don’t consider it a win until they are completely destroyed. Don’t underestimate Librans. Remember we often have a helluva lot of Scorpio stelliums in our charts.

  51. I’d have to agree with above sag’s (who as you can see became disinterested in the whole topic after stating their initial opinion, as enemies and their whereabouts don’t take up much of our gray matter) Karma does have a way of taking care…
    Only it’s like a clock or a pot, you can’t watch it, then it never comes.
    Best to forget the whole thing and move on, then be pleasantly surprised when you hear of person X’s misfortune months, years, decades later. ๐Ÿ˜›