Not-The-Typical-Virgo

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The Paper Clip: A Taurean Invention?

July 29, 2009 in Astro-Cliches, Metaphysical Quirks by Mystic Medusa | 13 comments

33585Yonks ago i was shopping for stationery with Not-The-Typical-Virgo and she baulked at the coloured paper clips. Only the classic variety – featured above – would fit her paperclip paradigm. There was something suss about the coloured ones or (snobby shudder) the ‘novelty’ shaped ones. The jumbos? Not appropriate. If a larger paper clip was seemingly required then it was time to move up to a bull-clip or other more suitable solution.

So, thinking of that, i wanted to go looking to see if a Virgo invented the Paper Clip. It would seem likely. But no, it was most likely a Taurean by the name of Herbert Spencer and he also coined the term “survival of the fittest.”

BTW,  it is Geminis who are most likely to twist paper clips into neurotic little wire sculptures and yet not bother to use them for their intended purpose.

See also: Virgoan Stapler Fetish

Astro-Gaga: Inner Child 101

July 3, 2009 in Astro Gaga, Astro-Query, Metaphysical Quirks by Mystic Medusa | 88 comments

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I thought the whole Inner Child seemed to erupt in the 90s but apparently it emerged in the 70s. I think i did one session with someone re it once & it was surprisingly healing, although v.easy to wallow, I imagine, if you wanted to. It was to do with something traumatic & the therapist got me to go back and talk to myself as a five year old etc etc. Comfortingly. Not just nattering. Not-The-Typical-Virgo was doing Self-Parenting Workshops at the same time & we  hung a lot at the pub in Bondi, discussing our findings.

The concept may have slunk from favour now but I thought it interesting that Carl Jung (a multiple Leo) thought of it as the Divine Child & like this amazing golden creature within, whom we could access to be more creative and spontaneous. A sort of invincible summer vibe. But John Brawshaw – a Cancerian and arguably the most prolific/best known of all the Inner Childish authors – thought it nearly always “wounded” and in need of rescue. Etc. Yes, I KNOW that is a massive generalised summary.

I know Louise Hay (a Libran!) is totally into it but that Dr Phil – a Virgo – does not apparently believe in Inner Child work. With the obvious disclaimer, that anyone with a mental illness should seek professional help and not be stuffing around on this site, can we please do Moon in Scorp amateur shrinking & Inner Child theory? Is it still valid, was it ever & do any of you have this consciousness.

BTW, i only watch it at the gym but i think Dr Phil is sooo Virgo and he should go head-to-head with Louise Hay in all her flowery uber-euphemistic ‘everything i eat turns to health & beauty’ glory. I love her but seriously, wouldn’t a debate between those two be FUN television. The person with the prob could sit between them as they fight it out for the best “solution.”

Astro-Beauty: The No Poo Movement

July 1, 2009 in Astro-Beauty, Metaphysical Quirks by Mystic Medusa | 54 comments

Bad_hair_day

God I SO wanted to be part of the No Poo movement – it totally fits my uncluttering ethos and everything i’ve ever read about sodium lauryl sulphate & associated foaming agents is actually quite scary. When you research the idea of going without shampoo & obviously conditioner online, most people are just raving about it.

After an initial phase of “transition” in which the hair “adjusts” to its new more healthy & untramelled state by being itchy, greasy or whatever, one’s hair is meant to look stupendously fantastic. In the meantime you deal with it by washing with just bicarbonate of soda & vinegar.

I am soz to say that i could not last out the transition – it immediately induced a situation of celibacy, Not-The-Typical-Virgo thought it was a neurotic manifestion…something to do with not being grateful for modernity and my Cancerian son with multiple planets in Leo agreed only he was more rude: “When are you going to stop doing this dark ages shit and get a fuqing grip and just go to the hairdresser?”

It honestly looked kind of like the above hair only not so orange and with way greasier roots. Awful. Also, i can see the point of going sans shampoo (and the organic ones don’t really work so well anyway, so you may as well just ditch the whole concept) but then you may as well go with no hair dye. So I gave up & subjected my hair to some industrial size vat of Delva at the hair artistes – felt fantastic. Invented new theory that skin responds marvellously to organic products but that hair craves chemicals.

Now I have Venus in Pisces & Moon in Libra – i truly don’t mind a bit of artifice. And my Gemini Hairdresser is also psychic and a friend of mine so I am happy to see her but i’m interested -

Are there peeps out there who are Off the Grid so far as hair is concerned??? No shampoo. No conditioner. No product. No hair-dyes. And you just sort of comb through some bicarb from time to time? The only results I have ever had worse than the no-shampoo phase was when i made my own “nettle shampoo” and oh hell, HENNA.

I realise this is going to be controversial but i think in many cases henna operates as sort of a chastity belt.

SO which sign has the most Au Naturel hair and whom would literally rather visit hell than be without their G.H.D. and/or hair-molecular restructuring potions? Naturally, I nominate Leo as Haute Hair Obsessive, followed by Pisces & Libra with maybe Aquarius.

Most likely to do pioneering No Poor hair: Scorpios & Arieans. Gemini in theory but could not resist fiddling. Also, is massaging your hair with bi-carb that sensual? Or do you just keep bunging oil into it? Please don’t anyone moralise me because I could not hack it.

Astro-Beauty; Hats

June 15, 2009 in Astro-Beauty by Mystic Medusa | 38 comments

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The Mercury Retrograde before last, I was looking at some old photos that Not-The-Typical-Virgo had somehow retrieved from one of her secret stores of clutter. And it was like looking at postcards from another dimension. Why were we so skinny & pale? Who was the drippy looking guy she was clinging to like a parasite vine? What kind of slacker life did we lead that we were depicted working our way through endless vino at a well-known player-haunt overlooking Bondi beach and on a weekday? Who were we? And why was I wearing a stupid hat?

“You were hats that whole year, ” retorted Not-The-Typical-Virgo and they weren’t that stupid. It was just your thing. Then we got onto the drippy guy she was vamping off like he incarnation of young Adonis himself. But i had totally repressed ever being a hat person. I admire those who are devout hat peeps although sometimes my Mars-in-Virgo freaks up and decides that wearing hats without practical purpose is, in fact, neurotic. My Aries Ex had a whole body of theory based around women who wear hats that are not for the cold (only skiiing is really officially ‘cold’ to an Aries) or the hot (desert style temperatures) and the races but only if you competing in fillies on the track or whatever it’s called.

I need data. Which signs are hat mad???  Who’d go and blow $$$ on a milliner? Which sign would be confused as to what a milliner actually was? Which sign hoardes hats they never wear but as sort of a strange symbol of the woman they might – one day – become? Which sign wears berets?!  Flamboyant broad-brimmed hats with feathers??  I remember when i was a child going to the department store with my grandmother and there were loads of hats, a whole section, right beside stockings. So is it retro-homage to, like, the 1950s to wear hats???  And why DID they wear them then?

Angelina Jolie – Gemini with Moon/Pluto conjunct in Libra f.y.i. -  gives good hat.

angelina_jolieA la Boy George, aged 13. Splash News.

jolie-title2Filming Changeling

Signs In Denial

May 14, 2009 in Astro Gaga, Astro-Cliches by Mystic Medusa | 97 comments

cdtt_178He Says He’s Not Really A  Saggo

The other night, at kickboxing class, i was partnered with a Scorpio. When she told me her sign, she said “Oh well I’m a Scorpio but none of that stuff fits me. I don’t have any of the Scorpio traits.”  Then she proceeded to belt the shit out of me to the point that i had to seriously engage just to not be knocked over & express various relatively Scorpionic opinions. Not so much the actual opinions but their vehemence and tint of obession.

“…My boyfriend’s put on weight as he’s studying so hard. I can’t stand it. I won’t tolerate even a gram of extra fat. Not on me, not on him…I do 1000 crunches a day…I am locked into an endless power struggle with him. But i don’t care. Truth be told, I kind of like it. Relationships with no power dynamics bore me….And the sex is amazing…I am going to do whatever it takes to get on television this year…My co-worker is so infuriating. I am plotting to end his employment…” And all the while this intense, fixed gaze, like a Barn Owl.

She is, said the Scorpio Sex Academic, clearly a Scorpio-in-Denial. My friend Not-The-Typical Virgo is constantly decrying her lack of “real” Virgoan traits to the world even as she gently chides one for various sins against etiquette, puncutation & an orderly existence. I knew a Leo once who said she deplored ostentatious grooming & liked to be understated yet her ego was IMMENSE only she felt herself to have such natural chutzpah as to be above the actual plebian crap such as WASHING that most of us do to be attractive etc.

AQUARIANS are the worst offenders. And not only the men. They are prime candidates for “well none of that eccentric stuff fits me, I’m intensely normal” when they’re SO bats…Arieans are the least likely to be in denial about their Sun Sign traits – they love being the Alpha Sign enough to OWN it. And some peeps blur cusp lines (the boundary between two Sun Signs) just as people claim to be living in Salubrious Heights when really they’re down there in East Zemblanity…Not that there is anything innately wrong with any of the signs, but those people born WELL within a particular sign, then claiming that they’re “on the cusp…” like it means anything remind me of real estate agents blurring boundaries.

Which sign do you think is the most likely to be In Denial?

Astro Sun Sign Query Du Jour: Which Sign Do You Have a THING For?

April 1, 2009 in Astro-Cliches, Astro-Query by Mystic Medusa | 85 comments

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And here we go with more helpful research; Which Sun Sign Does IT for you? I don’t mean launch into a homage to your Official Sig-Other or reminisce re your most officially important relationship. This is actually a sleazoid question. Venus IS applying to a hard Pluto square, yes?  Soooo, out of ALL the signs and over ALL of your sexual history, which Sun Sign are you most likely to have a THING for?

Aries men are my TYPE & statistically i have racked up a disproportionate number of them + Leos.  Aquarius men are my thing ever since Uranus began to cross my Piscean Venus early last year. But the stupid sign that i have the THING for would have to be Gemini men. Oh Lord. I was discussing skiing – for some reason and i don’t actually really ski – the other day and had the most visceral flash of Adrianos, a Gemini Ski instructor i had a THING with yonks ago. It’s hard to define the THING. Instant lust, obviously, and also something weird that occurs in the first few moments of meeting that could be most easily classified as w.t.f. And I know it the moment i meet a Gemini man, his spacie little flaked out eyes & all.

Sun Sign THINGS amongst my friends: Not-The-Typical Virgo has a big THING for English Leos, especially bon vivants. It has got to the point that if we go to a party and there is a loud Pom type opening a bottle of champagne & laughing Leonically, I clutch her arm.  Saggo Fascinator goes ape for Saggo Yachties & outdoorsy types.  She especially likes them when they’re literally off to Patagonia the next week. All the yearning & none of what she calls “the nonsense.”  Libran Comedian (male) has an insane thing for coltish looking Virgoan fashionistas. Scorpio Sex Academic has a thing for Libran men who resemble the elves from Lord Of The Rings….I could crap on for yonks re this but will now….

Citing YOUR Sun Sign please, which Sign do you have a THING for?

gemini-man-profile

Venus In Aries

January 13, 2009 in Astro-Passages, Celeb Fluffery by Mystic Medusa | 27 comments

xena-warrior-princessXena, The Warrior Princess.

Aside from a little retrograde detour back into lovely Pisces, Venus will be in Aries from Feb to June! This is a long transit of Venus and it will be fun! Aries will get to be the Go-To It People of immense sexual charisma & magnetism. They will be insufferably up themselves. I am already thinking re how i can use this to my advantage with my Ramzilla Ex. He will be gloating, I know it. He will already be unspeakably bloated with flattery so my hyper-gush will be less effective than usual.  If you are an Aries, scrub up and get prepped to ponce out from Feb to get whatever it is you want.

Aries is, of course, the sign of the Warrior and Venus is the Goddess of Love. Hence my referencing Xena the Warrior Princess above.  From my new book:

“this year’s retro means that Venus will be in Aries from February 3 until June 6. A bloody long stay for the Goddess of Love in the sign of machismo and derring-do. Venus will be Aries, eternally her love in myth. Women will be more Amazonian and assertive, probably issueing forth ultimatums and demands all over the shop.

“As Mars is in Aquarius and then Pisces, men flee, first to their icy fortress of solitude and then perhaps swimming off through an ocean of evasion. Aries women will be strutting around as if they hold the secret of the ages between their thighs. It’s an insane simplification, but from from Feb to June, females feel strident, hot and want to be on top. Gents disengage. Gay? This would be a good ’show’ of the gender roles in the relationship.”

But peeps, it’s very much game on in relationships.  For now, though Venus is still in Pisces, gliding smoothly toward a conjunction with Uranus on the 22nd…which will be when all the Weirding gets going & I have a date with The New Uranian on a night when the Moon is in Virgo. How the hell did i let that happen??? And, annoyingly, I deleted his chart in a snit before Xmas and so i can’t even gaze at it look at mitigating factors for the Moon in Virgo…Damn. All i remember is his Mars/Moon on my Moon.

And I have to telephone Not-The-Typical-Virgo at her new haute corp gig in Canberra to drop the news that she’s got Saturn on her Sun on and off for much of this year. Hence her suddenly feeling “old and bitched up,” the poor thing. If you are likewise born around the Sept 7 to 16 date (or March 7 to 16) then you’re smack bang in the middle of the Saturn-Uranus opposition. It’s personal to you. One reality is constricting but what will it cost to win your freedom???