astrology dieting

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My Bum Post-Saturn

February 15, 2010 in Astro-Beauty by Mystic Medusa | 38 comments

This is more or less what my bum is going to look like when my interminable Saturn transit is finally done with in a few months. It feels like it has been going on forever but is actually only a few months. Saturn transits feel all-work and no-play (because they ARE, lol) but Holy Aphrodite, they get results.

There is NO other transit that makes you crave rocket, exercise and the measuring of everything from waist dimensions to unnecessary bank fees. Imagine if we could put Saturn in a bottle. Who wants to design the label?

It has to have the benefits: “Perform squats and lunges with relish, love your greens, loathe crisps, look forward to budgeting” as well as the Saturn side-effects: “irritability, some loss of sense of humour, over-consciousness of time.”

Who else is Saturn transitting? Enough peeps to create a secret password-only section where we can gleefully crap on about our sexy spreadsheeting skills and how much sexier rocket is without any ghastly “gourmet” additives that only cost $ and precious kilojoules? Bona-fide Capricorns get a lifelong membership. Because they’re ALWAYS under the rays of Saturn.

Saturn is also – I think – why so many Capricorns are horny non-stop. It’s because sex is (often) free. And it burns kilojoules.

From Leo To Virgo

February 1, 2010 in Moons by Mystic Medusa | 27 comments

This is Moon in Leo realizing that the Moon is actually in Virgo already and that it’s time to go home, clean her teeth, wash and exfoliate her face, change the linen, moderate the baguette + wine – proper dinner = reasonable nutrition policy, eat something green, contain the psychodramatic flirting hyperbole, sacrifice some lifestyle imperatives in favour of fiscal sanity and sober up. Clarity would be a fine thing.

Saturn Girl Strikes Again

December 16, 2009 in Planets by Mystic Medusa | 52 comments

saturn_bitch1Saturn Girl strikes again!

There I was, happily working away on the Dark Moon & pondering a quick little trop up the road, past the patisserie. After all, as you know, when doing desk stye work, it’s good to get up, stretch one’s legs AND i worked out this morning so what’s the harm in a little French Snail thingie,,,Pain Au Raisin? I mean, it’s legal for fuq’s sake. So is coffee. And then I heard it.  Again. The Voice Of Saturn Girl:

“If you actually added up the kilojoules burned off exercising this morning and then subtracted the kilojoules from this little emotional eating episode you are planning, you would be behind…And I thought you were off white flour and sugar?…Has it occurred to you that without discipline all of your efforts and talents are pointless?…Perhaps you should consider what emotion you are actually attempting to address here?…From now on you do not put a single thing into your body that is not doing you good…”  And so on.

And so, this is ravingly obvious but  you know how Dark Moons are, i thought I have a choice…I can choose to whiz up the road & go for some caffeine, pastry etc OR I can do Saturn Girl and keep my blood sugar (and thus moods) even, apply self-control & be VERY happy when i am poncing about the beach in January. Particularly as there is a Taurean (!) Bodybuilder lurking. ]

So WHATEVER ails you in this Dark Moon phase – too much to do, ratty peeps, stupid naff crap cravings, budget blown out to beyond the boundaries of the universe, no clothes, angst-hell re an Ex, demonic hair, the patriarchy – whatever – channel Saturn Girl. She only has your best interests at heart. And yes, I am aware that paying my tax will actually make me MORE relaxed than an addiction to massage.

Look Like A Leo With The Arnie Diet

October 17, 2009 in Astro-Passages, Celeb Fluffery, Planets by Mystic Medusa | 50 comments

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Mars is in Leo until  next JUNE so is it time for the Arnie Diet???  It’s extreme but highly effective and life-altering.

Every day; you have to have ten orgasms and do four hours of working out. That’s it. Eat and drink whatever the hell you feel like apart from junk food. Nothing in a packet.  It doesn’t  matter if some of the orgasms are D.I.Y. but you have to have ten.

Apparently there is only ONE person who is known to have lived this lifestyle and that was Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 70s. He is a Leo with Mars in Leo.


Piscean Moon Eureka Moment

October 1, 2009 in Astro-Passages by Mystic Medusa | 60 comments

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The most sensational Eureka Moment struck me and I do not even know what astro I have to thank for it.  Though I have theories, of course. What happened is this. There was a person who i was in love with a while ago and it is a long & turgid tale but the point is i thought i would NEVER get over him. That it was like some strange spell or worse.

Anyway, this morning my Psychic Gemini Hairdresser mentioned him, as in she’d seen him on tv and thought he was looking haggard or something and it took me a while to realise who she was talking about. I was like “sorry, who?” And it was genuine puzzlement!!!! No heart throbbing. No blush. No emotions whatsoever other than ‘who the hell is she talking about?’ Don’t you love the moment when you realise you are over someone????  I am thinking Saturn opposing my Venus may have had something to do with it.

It doesn’t feel great while you  are having it but it does the work. Saturn transits are always like dieting or budgeting. Cry-now-laugh-later.

I saw, sans the sound, a thing on the tv today at the gym that said “SATURN TO SHUT DOWN” and my first reaction was “YES! They get it and having no Saturn will allow more merry Jupiter transits…” But it was a car company named Saturn.

Dark Moon NOW In Virgo

September 17, 2009 in Moons by Mystic Medusa | 20 comments

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This is now the Dark Moon in VIRGO right before a New Moon in VIRGO and you know that that MEANS!

Up until the actual New Moon (Saturday Early AM in Sydney, Friday night in London, Friday arvo in N.Y. and midday in L.A) you cleanse thy shit…in all senses of the phrase.

This is a good New Moon as it is conjunct Saturn so the fresh beginning vibe is clean and concise. You know what you’re doing, why and how. Before the New Moon is a fab time to get perspective – fast – on the recent Pluto Direct & Saturn-Uranus Opposition situation…

But I am thinking you should be REAL clear and if not; clean your way to clarity. It always works on an Old/Dark Moon but it especially  goes well with the Virgoan vibe. It’s an awesome Diet Moon too…

Saturn in Virgo & Orthorexia Nervosa

August 18, 2009 in Astro-Passages by Mystic Medusa | 30 comments

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A rise in so-called Orthorexia Nervosa seems to totally coincide with Saturn-in-Virgo…Since September 2007…

“…An obsession with eating healthily could in fact be bad for your health, scientists warn. Those who deny themselves entire food groups or worry too much about the ‘purity’ of their meals are risking their mental and physical wellbeing. Experts have reported a rise in such extreme behaviour, known as orthorexia nervosa. Sufferers or orthorexia nervosa tend to be over 30, middle-class and well-educated.While anorexia patients restrict the quantity of the food they eat, sufferers of orthorexia, named after the Greek for ‘right or true’, fixate on quality…

“The ‘rules’ vary from person to person, but the drive to eat only the healthiest foods can lead to sugar, salt, caffeine, alcohol, wheat, gluten, yeast, soya, corn and dairy foods being eliminated from the diet….Foods tainted by pesticides or that contain artificial additives such as MSG are often also ditched. One orthorexic is reputed to eat only yellow foods. While such habits may seem quirky, they can have a serious effect on health.

Cutting out entire food groups can leave sufferers malnourished, while rigid rules can make eating out impossible, putting a huge strain on friendships and relationships. Ursula Philpot, chairman of the British Dietetic Association’s mental health group, said: ‘I am definitely seeing significantly more orthorexics than just a few years ago….”

More in the Daily Mail here

Okay it’s SO Saturn in Virgo but isn’t msg like poison? And what is the ‘rexia’ for when people eat junk food all the time? This is making my Mars-Pluto-Uranus in Virgo feel defensive. And eating only Yellow foods??? I thought it was purple foods that we were meant to eat more of; blueberries, purple cabbage…Infuriatingly, i feel heaps better off wheat & dairy, sugar, salt & caffeine…most people do – isn’t that why health farms don’t feature them…And it IS annoying as i would much rather thrive on a modified mediterranean diet of non-stop pasta & wine et al. One almost wonders if labelling people who are careful re what they eat as orthorexics is a way of propping up a – i don’t know – industrial sugar cabal or something. And all the discrediting of The Gwyneth - is Mars Uranus making me conspiracy theorise?

Saturn in Libra coming soon & I think it will coincide with a rise in arranged marriages, relationship arrangements & new fangled contracts, marriage sabbaticals, polyamory and heavily negotiated deals to better delineate the nexus of love, sex, money, time, desirability and convenience.

Astro-Beauty: Raw Food & Polyphasics

July 7, 2009 in Astro-Beauty, Astro-Cliches, Astro-Fitness by Mystic Medusa | 29 comments

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Despite the Eclipse, my friend Aqua-Girl is loving her Polyphasic Sleep Cycling.  Appropriately, for a Full Moon in Capricorn, she says sleeping just a few hours a day has made her way more productive but with a few unexpected side effects.

(1) She only likes Raw Food now. (2) She has become obsessed with make-up in a way that she has never experienced in her life before. In one week of raw foods and polyphasic sleep cycling, she is like a devotee of extreme cosmetics, avidly seeking the advice of cosmetics professionals & trying on complicated but genius LOOKS.

Re the Raw Food thing – whenever i try it, i HATE it as I have genetics (German) that predispose me to potatoes & bread but i LOOK amazing on it. It’s unreal and a scene unto itself. Just like polyphasic sleep cycling.I got a raw food cookbook once that enslaved me with its evolutionary zeal and claims until i realised that to make half the stuff in there, i needed some sort of $1000 magic zilcher thing.

Raw Food does seem very Aqua & though it has been around since the 1930s – at least – when a Taurean nutritionist named Gaylord Hauser had Hollywood stars in thrall to  his eating, exercise & skincare regimes. Okay, so my theory is that Aquarius/11th House/Uranian types are way more likely to experiment with their food & sleep cycles. My Aquarius father was constantly tinkering with time and nutritional concepts.

Next to Aquarius would be Scorpio? Scorps are big into the macrobiotic, Tantric and kundalini end of things, which they then compensate with the occasional Neptunian binge-up of low-Qi toxins. And then, I think, Virgo. They’re not so bats or free-form as Aquarius or Aqua Types though. Virgo will pick one dictate – one nutritional school and follow it for a bit. Whereas Aqua alters the thing according to whim. Scorp wins for sheer bravery – nobody out-does Scorp at purgings, detoxings & committment.

Gemini + Sagg will eat weird & ethnic food but A.D.D. doesn’t allow for strange regimes. Aries thinks they’re inane. Taureans, Leo & Cancerians are too gourmet to give anything up. Librans & Pisceans will go on a regime for the sake of love or beauty but their heart is  not really in it & they’re far more likely to be devoted to some skin-care ritual though they DO become vitamin-addicts IF there is an anti-aging or sex angle.

Your thoughts?

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When The Moon Is In Scorpio…

July 1, 2009 in Moons by Mystic Medusa | 44 comments

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When the Moon is in Scorpio, your mind not-so-lightly turns to thoughts of the supernatural & omens.

When The Moon Is In Scorpio, you reek of some insanely singular scent. Hand-crushed narcissus, cypress from rolling around on the forest bed, disinfectant, ammonia or far too much of something discontinued because you have developed a tolerance for it.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you keep score.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you score.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you adopt the bland air of a super-successful spy – no overt idosyncracies by which anyone can remember you.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you eavesdrop & google-stalk, your favourite and not-so-favourite peeps. Merely intelligence gathering, you understand.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you maintain a fixed gaze.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you think about joining a secret club.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you conspiracy theorise.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you peruse or manufacture erotica.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you can obtain money from mysterious sources.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you stick to a results-driven diet: rejuvenation, longevity, weight loss, muscle building or chakra enhancement.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you scheme.

When the Moon is in Scorpio, you watch your back.

EllenVonUnwerthPics by Ellen Von Unwerth

Moon in Scorpio until just after Midnight Saturday in Sydney, 15.12 Friday in London, 10.12 am Friday in New York, 7.12 am Friday in L.A.

Astro-Beauty; Legs & Your Past Lives

June 22, 2009 in Astro-Beauty by Mystic Medusa | 25 comments

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A Sagittarius Trying To Be Inscrutable

Sagittarians, i.m.o. always seem to have the best legs of the Zodiac & infuriatingly effortlessly so. Though maybe it’s because they are so active & stride around the world doing athletic things. Not so effortless after all.

Geminis come 2nd as they tend to be able to keep a kind of gamine thing going on…Librans do well with legs too though that’s more of a diligence a la Pilates, massage & cream.

Virgoans are third-equal tie with Libra by dint of being able to bloody well stick with those no-caffeine-no-wheat-no-diary gorgeous legs reccies.

Legs tips please…I think probably the only thing i ever feel nostalgic about being really super-young is that spontaneously casually slithering into a mini-skirt and strutting out the door sensation. It’s heaven.

Leg tips; It totally hurts but doing the ’stretching out the ilio-tibial muscle on a roller’ seems to iron out dimples on the side of the legs & it’s like a good pain + amazing for suppleness.

I would adore to be convinced otherwise but i think cellulite creams don’t particularly work (?) apart from the aromatherapy oils with ingredients such as juniper & cypress.

Acupuncturists can get rid of little capillary-vein things & their cupping is amazing for “stagnant” qi in the legs. Rolfing, Myo-Fascial massage and other deep tissue stuff are all good…

And – i once read this in a (I think) Denise Linn book – any stubborn fat or cellulite on the thighs is stored anger re relationships in past lives.

O.m.g. So there is a really good batso mugwort-dreaming target for a quiet night. You go into your dreamworld, totally willing to confront and work through past life lovers who gave you the shits & you wake up with smooth thighs.

Yes! I am thinking that processed foods such as pastries are prob also a bit to blame.

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