God I SO wanted to be part of the No Poo movement – it totally fits my uncluttering ethos and everything i’ve ever read about sodium lauryl sulphate & associated foaming agents is actually quite scary. When you research the idea of going without shampoo & obviously conditioner online, most people are just raving about it.

After an initial phase of “transition” in which the hair “adjusts” to its new more healthy & untramelled state by being itchy, greasy or whatever, one’s hair is meant to look stupendously fantastic. In the meantime you deal with it by washing with just bicarbonate of soda & vinegar.

I am soz to say that i could not last out the transition – it immediately induced a situation of celibacy, Not-The-Typical-Virgo thought it was a neurotic manifestion…something to do with not being grateful for modernity and my Cancerian son with multiple planets in Leo agreed only he was more rude: “When are you going to stop doing this dark ages shit and get a fuqing grip and just go to the hairdresser?”

It honestly looked kind of like the above hair only not so orange and with way greasier roots. Awful. Also, i can see the point of going sans shampoo (and the organic ones don’t really work so well anyway, so you may as well just ditch the whole concept) but then you may as well go with no hair dye. So I gave up & subjected my hair to some industrial size vat of Delva at the hair artistes – felt fantastic. Invented new theory that skin responds marvellously to organic products but that hair craves chemicals.

Now I have Venus in Pisces & Moon in Libra – i truly don’t mind a bit of artifice. And my Gemini Hairdresser is also psychic and a friend of mine so I am happy to see her but i’m interested -

Are there peeps out there who are Off the Grid so far as hair is concerned??? No shampoo. No conditioner. No product. No hair-dyes. And you just sort of comb through some bicarb from time to time? The only results I have ever had worse than the no-shampoo phase was when i made my own “nettle shampoo” and oh hell, HENNA.

I realise this is going to be controversial but i think in many cases henna operates as sort of a chastity belt.

SO which sign has the most Au Naturel hair and whom would literally rather visit hell than be without their G.H.D. and/or hair-molecular restructuring potions? Naturally, I nominate Leo as Haute Hair Obsessive, followed by Pisces & Libra with maybe Aquarius.

Most likely to do pioneering No Poor hair: Scorpios & Arieans. Gemini in theory but could not resist fiddling. Also, is massaging your hair with bi-carb that sensual? Or do you just keep bunging oil into it? Please don’t anyone moralise me because I could not hack it.