April 7 and Pluto goes Retrograde whilst on April 8 Saturn slips into something a little bit less comfortable – that’s right: Virgo. Hair shirt and all. Saturn in Libra may be weird but it’s exalted. It’s like a Gothic dance that they do.

But forget Saturn for a sek.

The reason I mention Pluto now is that the planet-of-transformation is already in slo-mo, getting set to Retro back to 2 degrees of Capricorn…

Whenever Pluto stations Retro or Direct, it zaps out Plutonic rays of psycho-weirding and it is as if circumstances conspire to make you do a bit of psych work you would otherwise have happily left undone. That’s right. Not done at all. Why even bother? But when Pluto stations Retro, you look back to where you SHOULD look back.

Poignant reminders that we are in a new era now evoking quite intense & exquisite nostalgia for the old one. It’s Pluto, so there is always some major psych insight to be had from it…but still.

Think – if you dare – in terms of Pluto Eras: 1995 until early 2008,  1984 to the mid-90s…I could go on but need to go take some Pluto Juice.

Well the Moon is moving toward asteroid Eros in Taurus but that should really evoke a general atmosphere of sleaze? I think not. I am attempting to tune into Neptune trine my Moon but first the Tiger Text Messages – already been turned into a rap song, apparently – and  now further sleaze re the Sandra Bullock marriage. Yes, she’s married to the Dude.

And yes, I have had several requests for a peek at the astro behind this. I’m not touching Tiger.

So thoughts on the Sandra Situation.

* Infuriating as it would be to find out your husband had been cheating on you with a sort of bikie porn star (as was the husband’s ex-wife) just as you win an Oscar, she has Mars and Venus in Gemini…I reckon she wanted something a little bit diff. She met him when Neptune was on her Moon so maybe she was a bit addled and – am trying to think of Anglican metaphor here – motivated by factors other than her brain. Cliterate.

* She got Jesse James, an Aries bikie/tv star (of a show called Monster Garage)/entrepeneur a.k.a. as Vanilla Gorilla by his Mistress.

* Stating the ravingly obvious, Vanilla Gorilla’s Ex-Wife (and mother of his daughter) is a heavily inked up Scorpio Adult Movie Actress. The new mistress is also a very inked adult movie sort of a siren – Whether she wants to or not, Sandra Bullock cannot get inked because it would limit her choice of mainstream movie roles. But CLEARLY the Aries dude has a type.  Not that it excuses his cheating on her but it’s interesting, no?

* This all came to light with Mars Retro. So it’s been screwing around (so to speak) since last October and now all this hidden stuff is coming to light. Venus Retrograde in SCORPIO later in the year is going to be even more such fun. Check this out if you have not already!

* Ms Bullock is a Leo with Kataka Rising – hence ability to be both movie-star and connect with les peeps/seem empathetic and vulnerable etc. Pluto is coming up to pulverise transit her Descendent aka cusp of House of Love…It’s not exact yet but near enough. This would have been a nasty shock. She should  have been a MAJOR catch for the Aries Dude. I don’t want to sound snobby and true love crosses boundaries etc but do admit that Vanilla Gorilla was punching above his weight when dating – let alone marrying – Sandra Bullock.

* Her current big transit other than Pluto is Uranus squaring her Mars & Gemini…always a surprise. But Jupiter is on her Midheaven (career transcendence) and maybe this is clearing out the crap before a Plutonic Soulmate pops up with the exact conjunction of Pluto to her Dsc. It’s happened before. So now she is enraged or thinking why-why-why – AND she has spent a lot of time in court, helping Vanilla out with his custody battles – but soon she will be on her knees, in tears of happiness and gratitude thanking Mighty Aphrodite for delivering her from the arms of this sleazy prick.

* His Mars is opposite her Mars-Venus. Excellent for bedwork, of course, but Mars opposite Mars can work at cross purposes with one another.

Every Aquarian I have ever known has – at the very least – an intense dislike of Micky Mouse.  Why? Their reasons vary.

Now I have just read a New York Times  interview with the very Aquarius Kenneth Anger (avant-garde film maker, occultist, author of Hollywood Babylon) in which HE denounces Micky Mouse:

“…The thing is I view Mickey Mouse as a kind of demonic figure. It’s a little sprite or imp. I disdainfully reject the latest incarnation of Mickey Mouse, which just is a monstrosity. This pink-faced Mickey that they’ve tried to turn it into a little boy wearing some kind of mask or ears or something, trying to humanize it. He’s lost all of his mischievous, devilish qualities. He’s sort of the ceremonial doorman at Disneyland or Disneyworld. Mickey Mouse is a little creature you can hold in the palm of your hand. Nothing like the poor, suffering, underpaid teenagers who are inside those costumes. I’ve talked to some of them through the mouth of their costumes. I go there on a hot day and they’re sweating like swine. It’s torture!…”

If it helps: Micky Mouse is a Taurus.

But still…demonic?

Two things: Hollywood Babylon was such an influential book. It’s style influenced celebrity coverage today & did  it way before the net.

So, do Aquarians share a dislike of The Mouse?

This is a Dark Sun Leo so sick with envy he wants to throttle the pretty creature in front of him.

So I am calling them Dark Sun Leos but there is probably a better name for these creatures.

My theory is that Leos when darkened make for the worst ‘lower’ form of any of the Zodiac signs.

Usually I love Leos. I love how they are determined to imbue almost any occasion with a sense of light and style. I love their love of the arts, gourmet food, blinging up and that ribald sense of humour. I don’t even mind their ego and the lengthy regaling of one with anecdotes about them and their big-name friends, as Leo orders yet another bottle of champagne.

But Dark Sun Leos are vile. They’ve got all the Leonic hubris but no desire to shine, act up or perform. So all the light is turned inward or something – like what happens with black holes – and they’re snarky, resentful of other peeps success or attention/recognition and just hideously revolting.

I met one the other day and she was judgmental cant in motion. As opposed to poetry. Pompous moralizing, attention seeking psychosomatic illnesses, loud disavowal of all forms of human vanity and disdain for flippancy. Yet still managed to suck all the light and attention in the room toward her/her neurosis. Whereas normal Leos – Neo-Leos – give off a divine, shimmery golden aura.

And now the Moon in Taurus is here, a perfect counter to the heat and bombast of the building Ariean vibe.

Lunar Taurus is wisdom of the body, tres Eco and assurance of your strategy, stance, feelings…

Plus She is trine Pluto; further anchoring the emo.

Brilliant day for bodywork – this IS the massage moon & eating stupendously well but with sensuality.

Aim for your Bovinity…You know how there is a certain sort of Taurean Zen/Calm that is just so inspirational?

A Journey Around My Skull

Love, love LOVE the title of this book.

Weekly Scopes for the week from March 20 are up…

Saturn Girl Scheduler for April is up…

If you can’t see either of these goodies, it is because you’re not a subscriber -e-mail for a free trial subscription if you like!

It’s an $11,000 watch made from dinosaur crap and with a wristband formed from poisonous black toad.

I don’t even know if this counts as Gothic.  The technical term for dinosaur shit is coprolite. Did anyone else know that?  And why is it so desirable? Which sign would wear this? It’s doing my head in.

If someone gave it to you as a gift, would you wear it?  Would a Cancerian get off on the dinosaur crap being so ancient? Like connecting with primordial (sort of) family?

I know for a fact that no Libra or Pisces would wear the thing. It looks like it has been exhumed. Shudder. And Aries likes official, simple and plain silver watches.  Taurus would loathe it along with Leo because it doesn’t look obviously expensive enough. Gemini?  Geminis actually like to know THE TIME, not gaze at dinosaur dung.  Virgo? Lol. It would make them ill.

Saggo if it told the time in enough different timezones and they could take it a 1000 kilometres under the ocean or into space. Capricorn…hard to imagine. Too gimmicky. Capricorns probably only wear watches they inherit or can claim that they did.

Aquarius often renders watches useless as their magnetic energy is quite high and so watches don’t run so well or they just bust.

This leaves us with Scorpio…hello? Or am I wrong and do you of whatever sign just madly covet the Dinosaur Crap Watch?

Okay, this is so flip but after I saw Revolutionary Road, i had a few gins (what else after that movie would feel so right?) and said to the Scorpio Sex Academic that i was stunned the relationship between Sam Mendes and Kate Winslet could survive that movie. So, um, cathartic. And anyway, apparently it didn’t.

Things obviously run their course and it IS break-up season for non-viable set-ups (Saturn opposite Uranus again) and I don’t really have much to say re this but looking at KW’s chart, I’m stunned by how truly Libran she is. Maybe almost too much Libra for a Leo film director husband to handle. Leo and Libra is a beautiful match but Libra can often times so effortlessly out-shine the Leo and they DO compete…

Her chart shows up Pluto in Libra, Fortuna in Libra, Libra Rising, Sun in Libra, Moon in Libra and Mercury in Libra…all bunched tightly together. That’s a lot of Libra and now Saturn is about to go tromping over the lot. She will probably do great things out of all this but it will feel austere.

Mr Mendes is a Leo yes but a whole heap of his planets are in guess what sign…Virgo. SO he’s a multiple conjunct Virgo with a multiple conjunct Libran woman.

There is some nice Mars-Venus synergy there (his Mars is in Libra and her Venus is actually in Virgo, conjunct HIS Venus in Virgo) but think of all that Virgoan energy crashing into hyperbolic multi-Libran Kate.

Mercury is now in action-Aries and trining mega-Mars in Leo. Some ideas:

* Faster talking.

* Impatience.

* Men are more daring.

* Ideas zip from the subliminal mind at the speed of light.

* Suffer fools? They should all be interned for the duration of Mercury in Aries.

* Brash ideas cranked out and whizzed off to about 1000 peeps at once, who all run the risk of being struck off the Mercury-in-Aries contact list should they not respond within more or less nano-seks.

* Big-noting.

* Winking. Seriously, monitor winkage. It’s always about more when Mercury is in Aries.

* Gutsy mission statements.

* Interrupting.

* Batting out of your league but w.t.f.

Think about it. Mars just back from that retrograde a.w.o.l. trip really needs a bit of a pep talk. And whom better to deliver that than Mars in Aries. Mercury stays in Aries till early April and then goes into Taurus just as Saturn goes back into Virgo. April will feel quite diff to now. Live it up.

Soon the Sun will be in Aries again – this weekend – and Arieans will be as little Spring lambs, leaping about with joie de vivre and fresh ideas sparking out of their charged up aura fields.

It’s also like a little preview (this next week) of themes emerging mid-year…when Uranus and Jupiter get to Zero degrees of Aries. Loads of endings and new beginnings around in the next few months…The less you cling to the old stuff, the easier it is for the awesome new stuff to manifest.

And it is new. Very new.