Astro Gaga

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One For Lower Gemini Delia Antwerp Aaars

March 17, 2010 in Astro Gaga by Mystic Medusa | 45 comments

Michaelangelo Di Battista

It’s been a while but this is definitely one for the lookbook of Lower Gemini  Delia Antwerp Aaars

She’d like the feathery hoodie look – is it feathers? – and the oblique permission given for her to take up smoking again.

Now that the Sun is being rehabbed due to everyone being vitamin D deficient, she feels it’s only a matter of time before smoking is declared to be a valuable stimulant to the respiratory system.

This picture also inspires her to adopt a more “exotic” ancestry.  She likes the vibe of Haitian and that it would give her a good excuse to dabble (okay, again) in Voodoo but fears people will think she’s just being opportunistic with the quake. And that is NOT what gave her the idea.

Modern Mayan? Something a bit Latin so there’s olive skin (stupid bitch at the spray tan spa never does it dark enough for Delia’s liking) and plenty of smoking, pacing about and madness. Exotic but not ethnic. An exotic background will also certainly help her get her long awaited solo exhibition up…

Does anyone want Delia to have her own category?

Excuse Me?

March 12, 2010 in Astro Gaga by Mystic Medusa | 92 comments

Lady/Xena/Venus in Aries:  Excuse me. Dude haven’t you heard? Mars is Direct already?

Man/Mars in Leo: Om.  It’s not out of the Shadowzone yet, still picking up speed.

Astro-Gaga: The Ultimate Challenge

March 12, 2010 in Astro Gaga by Mystic Medusa | 58 comments

Vogue Italia March 2010 Miles Aldridge

Oh ALL right, I am fibbing.

This is not the Ultimate Challenge. But you must admit that this gorgeous picture is even more ripe for Astro-Gaga than usual…non?

The prize for the best/funniest astrological interpretation of this scenario is a year’s subscription to the Daily Mystic. If you already have one, you can give to a friend and earn enormous cred for being both cosmic and generous.

My feeling is that they are all really pissed and yet bored. I am thinking that the set of legs parked on the pristine tablecloth belong to an aristocratic Leo or Libra (table setting? exfoliated limbs?) who has invited a bunch of Saggos around with the promise of work at her African “lodge” but now it turns out that she does not really “own” it “as such” and that there are a few “complications with paperwork”…what she really wants is for the Saggos to utilize their insanely over-hyped “media connections” to publicise Leo/Libra’s new range of  Vajazzle.

Thoughts?

Astro-Gaga: Jen & Gerry

March 11, 2010 in Astro Gaga by Mystic Medusa | 75 comments

W Magazine Steven Klein

I am sitting here tripping on Voltaren ( i barely ever take pills, am like an arnica & lavender sort of person, so when i DO, I trip) thanks to a condition I am going to call Saturn Neck. I’m doing all sorts of things. My Louise Hay affirmation: I am at peace with life. Saturn Neck (or, as she calls it, ‘neck problems’) have to do with being inflexible. So not being able to turn my head in one direction is making me more aware of the need to see all facets of a situation. Or something.

Important Point: If you have not heard back from me re ANYTHING, it is because it hurts to type for too long so please be patient – t’is not personal.

Now, so me, my Saturn Neck, Voltaren Hit, preservative free Sauv-Blanc & Dark Mooned self have just seen this cover of W magazine:

It looks like “Jen and Gerry” are posing to illustrate “The Shopping Issue” even though we know that is not so.

HE is a Scorpio and SHE is an Aquarius.

I’m seeing it as somehow they’ve ended up in a field outside the country mall (it was a camping trip but she doesn’t like leaving her nails undone for too long) and she is using her Ashtanga Yoga Skills to stay poised and ready to take off the moment he relaxes his Scorpionic grip.

She needs her nails done, she needs a large-skinny-moccachino, she needs a shot of biodynamic wheatgrass, she needs mall shit. AND having to hold her buttocks casually up off his groin and keep that casual leg splay, to show off some advertisers stockings, is making her completely appreciate all her Ashtanga and pelvic floor toning.

He’s trying to convey Man Alone Outside The Mall/Society Scorpionic Hotness but all he can think about is how  his knees are holding up in the pose (they are not) and that this will prompt a ten  hour lecture from “Jen” about Yoga Benefits, that he really needs a fag and that he longs to not only sack his management but publicly humiliate them in some lurid fashion.

Like, he is being quoted in The Economist about the disarmament treaty that he negotiated and he says that his former agent never understood his depths or potential and then the President agrees.

Astro-Gaga: Another Competition

March 9, 2010 in Astro Gaga by Mystic Medusa | 45 comments

Craig McDean – Interview Magazine

Rightio.

Three Months Of Alpha Mystic (Daily Mystic to your in-box, Daily, Weekly + Monthly Scopes and the Saturn Girl Scheduler) is the prize for the person with the best astro-analysis of this scenario.

I am just absolutely mystified.  To me it vaguely vibes of Piscean teenagers rendered completely nuts by the blast of invective and lecture-rant of the Capricorn parents who have just arrived home to find that nothing on the to-do list has been done. But I am sure you guys can do better than that.

Astro-Gaga: Coitus Virgo Interruptus

March 8, 2010 in Astro Gaga by Mystic Medusa | 31 comments

Steven Meisel – Vogue Italia March 2010

You know what? I am not even going to bother making this is a competition because it’s SO obvious and I’ve already won….

Never mind HER sign, the bloke is clearly a Virgo & he’s leapt out of bed in a Virgoan frenzy having sensed that the neighbour is once again letting his poodle piss on the Virgo’s apartment stairs. Or, this could be worse: He suddenly remembered that the doormat across the road was crooked and he’s glaring to see if anyone has straightened it yet.

Of course he could be a Virgo who has called a halt to sexual proceedings after glimpsing a strange stain on that lampshade and he KNOWS it is petty so is just collecting himself, a few deep breaths to deal with the situation and he will be fine.

He is also wearing sandals on her lovely floor so as not to catch some nasty fungal disorder on his feet and she is a Gemini attempting to both look sexy, flatter her boobs AND reach over behind the chaise lounge for her mobile.

Thoughts?

Astro-Gaga: Saggo In The Henhouse?

March 1, 2010 in Astro Gaga by Mystic Medusa | 48 comments

Francois Rotger Marie-Claire Italia

So, w.t.f. is going on here?  At first I thought Saggo in the Henhouse, scheming her escape from suburbia, where nobody can see what flights she’s booking. But Saggo would never wear white. There is a Leo vibe going on with the hair but wouldn’t a Leo be worried that some sort of bird lice might inadvertently get into her hair?  I mean, it could be a Leo sulking in the henhouse.  Or a Virgo who’s gotten UP in the middle of the night to go and clean the henhouse – that  outfit is just in case her cute neighbour hears the noise of her vacuum cleaner spluttering from all the dirt and wakes up to see what she is going. I actually do  have a Virgo relation who would routinely wake up at about 2am to clean or go and weed. With vigour and great glee. Thoughts?

Astro-Gaga: What Signs Are They? Another Libran Fembot?

February 24, 2010 in Astro Gaga by Mystic Medusa | 55 comments

V Magazine

Here we go again!  A three month complimentary Alpha-Mystic subscription to the person who comes up with the funniest Sun Sign and back story combo for this pair.

It’s actually Leo supermod Carolyn Murphy doing a sort of ‘older wimmyn’ scenario…the lingerie annoys me though. Is she meant to be 100 and in mourning? I know, I know, it’s fashionable.

Anyway, from the Astro-Gaga Point Of View, I am thinking that she is actually one of those Libran Fembots everyone’s going mad for right now and he’s a Saggo who’s stalled it by mistake and now he’s frantically skimming the instruction manual, wondering if he should text his Virgo mate who actually knows how to READ instruction manuals.

Astro Gaga – The Aries Spy-Lie Detector

February 17, 2010 in Astro Gaga by Mystic Medusa | 55 comments

I don’t know why but i visualize the owner of this truck as an Aries Courier turned Spy/Lie Detector after a Pluto transit.

So his name is Troy and this is now the job he does.

If you ring him, he’ll be there on-the-hop, a bit caffeinated or straight from the gym and insanely buff.

He’s got a Cancerian Moon so takes the infidelity/disloyalty aspect of his work v.seriously and gets WAY too involved with his clients.

His actual machinery is really out-of-date and inaccurate – Mercury Retrograde in Pisces so he relies more on intuition than the machinery and thank fuq he does Muay Thai because husbands and boyfriends are forever trying to bash him.

Thoughts?

Astro-Gaga: What Sign Is She & What Is That Book?

February 10, 2010 in Astro Gaga by Mystic Medusa | 67 comments

What sign is she? Why the circle of light around her reading zone? What is the book?  Three months of Alpha-Mystic to the funniest explanation of this situation….

My theory is that she is some sort of a refugee from the Capricorn Zombie Book Club.

A Sagg (good legs) and so therefore making a point of reading some dishevelled 70s history book she found on a bus someplace exotic and now she’s going to base all her theories on that as nobody else has read it.

Or a Pisces waiting for the attractive carpenter to arrive and she’s heard he likes new age chicks. Will he believe that Reiki only works if it’s in her bedroom?

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